Who the Hell is This?
A chance to get over the United game with a trip back in
time to the abysmally named stadium:MK for a Capitol Carling Milk League Cup
game against Franchise FC., or the Fake Dons if you prefer. These days they are in the Championship and
not doing very well in it. When we
exited Europe on that great night in Denmark, a few comments were made about
how the club could now have a better go at doing well in the League Cup and
tonight will tell us how serious that statement was. There is no way however that we’re going to
play everyone from the usual league starting XI.
On Monday the Under 21’s played and won against Reading to
go top of their league but more significantly, Ryan Bertrand played 45
minutes. More good news is that Jordy
Clasie is back in training but the Franchise game has come too quick for
him. Who could blame him if he didn’t
fancy coming here.
Graziano clearly didn’t fancy it either with a slight foot
injury keeping him out but the starting XI contained Long, J-Rod and Mané in
his absence. Juanmi was also in the
side, basically giving us 4 forwards which has a worrying echo of the Everton
home game. Steve Davis is back to
partner Romeu in midfield and the keeper and back 4 is what should have started
on Sunday with Cédric coming in for the Japanese Back Pass King. All that lot suggests to me that we’re taking
it fairly seriously. There is no sign of
Cuco Martina after his clown show on Sunday (or maybe he’s being rested!) and
Stephen Caulker seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Maybe Ronald’s decided that there is a reason
he’s been relegated two years running.
Karl Robinson is manager of the Franchise and back in the
day when he was assistant manager, he was a bit of a gobshite. It seems that he’s still got tendencies to be
similar with a pre-match declaration that he ‘didn’t care’ about this game with
a league game coming up on Saturday. I’m
guessing that the Franchise hardcore fans (if such a thing exists) who are
turning up tonight might not like that statement too much and you wonder how
motivational that’ll be for their players.
A quick search reveals there is no live stream for this game
on the internet so I’m going back to League 1 and listening to the radio. It’s comforting to know that in an ever
changing world, you can still tune the dial to 96.1 and catch Merringtitus.
A potentially tricky game gets underway and we’re all over
them and they don’t seem to be playing with any urgency at all. It takes all of 5 minutes for the first goal
to arrive as J-Rood picks up the ball on the left near the halfway line and
sets off. He’s past the midfield and
dummying the centre back who over commits before opening himself out and
sidefooting it past the keeper and inside the far post. Great goal but he’s basically walked through.
Franchise kick off and immediately lose the ball and Long is
put away down the right. His cross finds
Cédric who arrives in exactly the way that an out of position centre back
wouldn’t have done and then ruins it by smashing over the bar. It’s just so easy and Romeu takes aim from 30
yards and skims a shot just over the bar.
The resistance, if you can call it that lasts until the 9th
minute as Franchise try to play out from the back and pass it straight to Sadio
Mané about 30 yards out. He simply runs
past the defence including the player responsible for the shite pass, draws the
keeper and flips it over him for 2-0.
The expected Franchise fightback doesn’t really happen but
Diego Poyet, son of our old nemesis Gus, at least produces a decent pass to
Baker who has a shot which Stekelenburg picks up. We get a bit sloppy for a minute as Cédric
tries to cushion a header back to the keeper but it slides off his head for a
corner and we all have a flap and an airshot at the ball when the corner comes
over but get away with it.
If the game isn’t won already, it is on 25 minutes as Long
again gets free on the left and centres to Mané who is on the penalty
spot. He easily beats the last defender
by feigning to shoot before contemptuously putting it past the keeper for
3-0. Their defence is absolute shit.
Mané is absolutely running riot and plays a neat 1-2 with
Shane before teeing up Juanmi but the Spaniard’s shot is straight at the keeper
and he fumbles it over the bar in none too convincing fashion. The next attack is classic Steve Davis as he
tenaciously wins the ball in midfield and sets off leaving midfielders in his
wake. He gets to the edge of the box and
opens himself out like J-Rod and that’s where the comparison ends. It’s almost like the ball has turned into one
of those Frido plastic balls you used to win at a fairground as it flies off
his foot at a ridiculous angle and endangers a ballboy.
J-Rod is continuing his shoot-on-sight policy and smashes
one just wide from 30 yards before The Fakes make a substitution which is
always amusing as the substituted player, who has come off because he’s been
shite, doesn’t know whether to limp off to save face or not. There’s another highlight for the Franchise
with 5 to go until half time when Stekelenburg touched the ball.
With us playing in green and pissing all over the
opposition, it must be a bit like playing for Celtic for Virgil Van Dijk and we
get treated to the first mazy out of defence as he runs miles with the ball
before teeing up J-Rod whose shot is blocked.
After half time, I guess that there is the possibility of
the Fakes getting an early goal back and then the Ghost of Tranmere emerging
but it’s unlikely and it’s impossible because the first action of the second
half is for Shane Long to try and get on the end of a Cédric cross and
McFadzean to lean on him like a falling tree and the ref points to the
spot. The sentimental thing to do would
be to let Sadio complete his hat-trick but when you’ve sent 16 months out
injured and you’re a striker, you want to take it so up steps J-Rod and buries
it down the middle as the keeper dives. 4-0.
Sub time as we approach the hour mark and Ryan Bertrand
makes a welcome return in place of Targett.
The stoppage to allow the sub is another clumsy McFadzean foul and up
steps Virgil and curls the free kick from quite a way out and it skims the bar
and over, which is what the keeper was obviously betting on as he stood flat
footed and watched it.
Bloody hell it’s Gaston Ramirez in a Saints shirt. On comes the enigma to replace Sadio Mané and
immediately gets on the ball to try and make things happen… and he does. Picking up the ball on the right hand side
and putting a superb pass over the top to send Juanmi away. Juanmi is clear with Long and J-Rod in the
middle and he attempts to roll it into J-Rod’s path but cocks it up but we get
lucky when a defender tries to hack it away and succeeds in blasting it
straight at Shane and it flies into the net off his chest.
Franchise have sent on the mascot and he looks familiar to a
mascot who won a competition to come on as a sub for Saints a few years
back. Oh yes it’s Ben Reeves who has
just enough time to look around before Steve Davis puts Shane through again in
the inside right channel and he rifles it first time past the keeper again for
6-0.
Maya Yoshida is on for Virgil who come off because he was
bored shitless and the rest of the game focussed on Gaston and his
contribution. Whatever way you look at
it, he’d be a better option off the bench than Juanmi who looks like he’d
benefit from a few months playing 90 minutes for the Under 21s. Nicky Maynard is on for the Fakes and I
remember him being a thorn in our side in League 1 and Championship days but all
he manages today is a dive. The home
fans have emptied out of the ground long before the final whistle – in fact
they’d gone about 95 minutes before the final whistle. Nice stadium, shit club, shit team. Bye.
Well that was a piece of piss. We were good but the Franchise Fake Dons were
shockingly bad which is what you’d expect when you’re average anyway and your
manager doesn’t give a toss. It was an
absolute stroll from the moment J-Rod started his run for the first goal. There were decent performances all round
with the goalscorers leading the way, ably backed up by Romeu and Davis in
particular and even Gaston looked good when he came on. Mind you, performing when 4-0 against a
Championship team whose manager doesn’t give a shit is not hard. It was too hard for Juanmi however who failed
his chance to prove that he is going to have what it takes. Early days I guess but he wasn’t great.
Onwards and after Liverpool had finished scraping by League
2 Carlisle at Anfield on penalties (including a miss by Nivea Boy), the draw
for the next round was made and we got Villa at home and a chance to bring
forward Captain Bellend Tim Sherwood’s nervous breakdown which he will no doubt
have – it’s just a case of when. That’s
for another day though – next up is Swansea at home in the league and we rather
need a win and Ronald rather needs to pick the right side and today just might
have changed his thinking in some areas.
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