Premier League Game 4 - Southampton 4 Newcastle 0

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Benali Puts More Effort into Lap of Honour after 1000 Miles than Newcastle put into 90 minutes

Newcastle at home and the first game of Alan Pardew’s bid to save himself from the sack.  Personally I don’t have a problem with Pardew.  He did well for us and put together the first post-administration squad which was the basis of the squad Nigel Adkins used to get us promoted back to the Premier League and of course, he won a trophy.  Putting that aside for a second, it is a surprise that he still has a job after an abysmal 2014 which included a 4-0 defeat at St.Mary’s in one of the worst visiting performances I have ever seen.  With regular 50,000+ crowds, they really should be challenging for Europa League places but right now you wouldn’t be surprised if they’re fighting relegation. 

We’ve had an international break since the last game in which England were terrible in winning 1-0 in a Wembley friendly against Norway and decent in winning the important game away in Switzerland.  As the rest of the group contains Lithuania, San Marino, Hayling Island and Angelsea, I think we can safely assume that we’ll qualify.  All our internationals came back unscathed and Sadio Mane was playing for Senegal and was supposed to be available for today’s game but the old chestnut of ‘work permit issues’ has reared it’s ugly head so we’ll have to wait for red tape to be cut.

The international break was being cited on the radio for the reason that Toby Alderweireld makes his debut today as Maya was half way round the world with Japan.  I really don’t think so.  It’s harsh on Maya as he’s been solid so far this season but the new man was always going to start.  The only other change from the West Ham team is that Jack Cork gets a start in place of the benched JWP. The bench looks strong and as well as JWP and Maya, it contains Florin Gardos and Big Vic as well as Sam McQueen and for the final time before Sadio Mane’s work permit comes through, Emmanuel Mayuka.

Having missed the West Brom game through being on holiday, I take my seat in the family centre and a quick scout round reveals that the groups of adults who had no kid with them have been moved on and I have four kids who are about 8, right next to me.  Swearing will be off the agenda this season except in frustration at my Dad attempting to pronounce new player names

Dad: “Auto-warold... “

Me: “No... it’s All-der-vi-reld”

Dad: “Aldo.... what is it....”

Me: “All-der-vi-reld”

Dad: “Ardo-harold.... is that it”.

Me: “ Just call him “Toby” for fucks sake – sorry kids”.

Dad: “Tony it is then”

So, Tony Autoharold takes his place as the left sided centre back with Captain Jose on the right.  In the words of Toby’s predecessor, who was a wanker and pissed off to Liverpool.... Let’s Play.

Playing for the managers future is clearly not high n the agenda for Newcastle as from the first attack, Coloccini lazily waves a leg at a backpass and sells Krul short.  Shane Long is charging it down and Krul’s kick smacks into Long and bounces a couple of feet wide.  Later replays showed that it hit Long’s hand but handball wasn't given so it would definitely have stood.  Long is being a pest a few minutes later as Alderweireld puts a ball over the defence for his diagonal run and Long gets there before Krul who flattens him with a punch to the head, getting nowhere near the ball.  It’s a penalty all day long but the ref decides that it isn’t, I assume because Long has pissed him off in previous encounters.

When you’ve had two big let-offs like Newcastle have had, you’d expect them to keep it solid but they’re not capable.  Tadic takes a throw on the left to Cork who plays it back to Tadic who volleys it first time, infield to Bertrand.  The full back lobs it over and Graziano Pelle walks in between the statuesque Coloccini and Williamson and heads past Krul into the top corner as easy as you like.  Jesus, they’re shit.  They finally manage to concede a goal at the 3^rd attempt after giving us a chance every 2 minutes.

Newcastle have a couple of attacks down our left through some ineffective tackling from Bertrand which Alderweireld has to sort out which he does with a calm efficiency.  Pelle is showing what confidence does for a striker by shooting from everywhere and his shot from somewhere near the Itchen Bridge is clawed away awkwardly by Krul.

As we approach 20 minutes, we load the gun again, hand it Mike Williamson who shoots himself in the bollocks again.  A long ball and a piss poor 50p head skewed header by Williamson sees the ball drop to Graziano who tries to burst the ball with a shot which is so bad if flies sideways straight to Tadic on the left who calmly controls and lays it back across for the big man to run it into the net for 2-0.  Krul has his hand up to appeal for two mythical offsides and Williamson is appealing for Newcastle to sign a better centre half so he doesn’t have to embarrass himself any more.

Saints then collectively take their foot off the gas and allow Newcastle a spell of pressure. Sissoko runs from deep, plays it to Gouffran wand gets on the end of the low cross before smashing it straight at Big Fraser who has made himself even bigger and then playing a big air shot at the rebound.  Colback (who Roy Hodgson laughably referred to as the Ginger Pirlo … I shit ye not) smacked one straight at the keeper and the Bohemoth saves with ease.  It’s annoying that we’ve allowed them back into the game and just before half time, Gouffran sees his shot deflect wide off of Davis.  We’ve made heavy weather of the last 20 minutes but we’re in at 2-0 so all’s well.

It’s Benali o’clock as the great man entered the stadium though a guard of honour of ex-Saints which included Matt le Tissier, Lawrie McMenemy, Glenn Cockerill, David Armstrong, Mark Dennis, Gordon Watson and David Hughes.  1000 miles and 20 Premier League football grounds completed in 21 days.  The bloke is mad but he did it for Cancer Research.  If you haven’t done so already... go and donate something.

Franny is the same age as me and I think I could have just about made it round the pitch once but not if I’d done the 1000 mile warm-up first.  Our paths crossed in 1984 when we were 15 year old schoolboys – him representing Southampton Schools and me representing Havant Schools.  You’ll be pleased to know we got battered 8-1 and Franny (including his tache) and Rod and Ray Wallace tore us apart.  He was a striker then and of course became a legendary defender.  Here’s my favourite tackle ever.

Get yer money out.

Back to the game and Big Vic on for Long who has concussion as a result of the Krul non-foul after 5 minutes.  It must be a bit of a depressing substitution for Newcastle as Koeman has brought on a player who is not going to allow them to get back into the game.  Steve Davis has pushed up the wing and the Big Man has slotted into midfield with Morgan and Corky.

We are immediately better than at the end of the first half and Colback is soon under pressure and thinking he’s still playing for Sunderland and passing to the red and white striped shirts.  He gives it to Corky who gives it to Pelle who tees up Tadic but the midfielder crashes his shot straight into Krul’s stomach.

There should be a few nerves at this point that Newcastle might bring it back to 2-1 and we’ll be in trouble but not a bit of it as Newcastle are fucking awful and not offering anything going forward. Just before the hour mark it’s all over as the ever-excellent Clyne feeds a ball into Steve Davis, his pass is deflected away from it’s intended target but Williamson and Krul dither which allows Corky to knock it past the keeper’s right hand side and slot it into an empty net for 3-0.  Two goals in three games for Jack Cork – you have got to be kidding me.

It’s substitution time and JWP comes on for the visibly disappointed Tadic who has had a superb match. Ronald obviously feels that he’s not quite got the fitness to play full matches right now but to be honest, with this game won it’s best to take him off.

At this point it’s worth mentioning that I had a fiver at 45-1 on Saints to win 3-1 with Graziano Pelle as the first goal scorer.  It was getting to stage when I was beginning to think that a Newcastle goal wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world when Haidara swung over a cross from the left and everyone including Forster missed it.  Sissoko teed up Riviere who is their new super striker, with an open goal from 10 yards and he scuffed it completely and Ginger Pirlo couldn’t turn it in.  At that point I mentally tore up my virtual betting slip as Newcastle were not going to score if they played until next week.

JWP has taken over from Corky as the midfielder who is never going to score and he had another go and curled a right footed effort over the bar.  It’s time for another debut as the gigantic Florin Gardos came on for Jack Cork who has been superb in a more advanced position that he was ever trusted to play by the previous manager.  The resulting reshuffle sees Alderweireld slot into midfield alongside Big Vic.  Get past those two then.

And so 90 minutes arrived and Steve Davis won the ball in the right back position.  3 minutes later with 11 players having contributed to the move and 39 passes later, Pelle flicked on Big Vic’s pass to JWP, he played it to Morgan on the left hand corner of the penalty area and he cut inside Janmaat and curled a shot over Krul and into the far top corner to make it 4-0.  A brilliant goal and one in the eye for all those who pissed off on 83 minutes because you missed it.  Match of the Day only showed the last 3 passes.  If it had been scored by a big club you would have had a mass-wankathon from the pundits but not to be.  Never mind... a brilliant end to a brilliant day.

The press will no doubt focus on Newcastle being bad and Pardew heading for the sack.  As we know, they’re only interested in the negative unless you’re one of the really big boys but if any of them bothered to look, they’d see that there were some seriously good performers in red and white today.  First up is the new boy Toby Alderweireld.  My Dad can’t pronounce his name but he was absolutely rock solid and despite being right footed, has more than enough to slot into the left sided centre back role.  He won everything in the air, was decisive on the floor and dug Bertrand out of the shit a couple of times and never stopped shouting.  Not too shabby at all.  Though Gardos only had a few minutes he managed to win one tackle in uncompromising fashion and you can see him getting a game if Toby is posted elsewhere which he no doubt will be from time to time.

I love the fact that the midfielders are getting forward and having shots now.  We’re not trying to pass it into the net any more and are only leaving one at most as a defensive midfielder.  When Big Vic came on, Morgan and Corky could get forward and both scored and no one seems frightened to shoot any more.  The only slight moan is that Steve Davis is a great footballer but the closer he gets to the opposition goal, the bigger the chance of him cocking it up.  It seems the Ronald Koeman is going to rotate Corky, Vic, JWP and probably Steve Davis but any two of those four along with Morgan is a seriously decent midfield.

It was obviously going to be important that Graziano Pelle scored goals and adapted to the English game and now we (and even the twats who booed him against West Brom) can see that we have a player on our hands.  He so obviously wants to prove himself and do well which is a complete contrast to the last Italian striker we had.  Up front we have Pelle and Tadic as certainties and Shane Long was decent until he had to come off.  Sadio Mane and J-Rod will make competition in the wide areas seriously decent as well.

Newcastle?  Yes they were shite and the players didn’t give a fuck and it looked like Pardew wasn’t bothered either as he just sat there and did nothing.  Mind you, that’s better than nutting someone but he seems frightened to make his own decisions out there.  They've got some technically decent players but the attitude out there was shocking.  I take no particular pleasure from it as my Grandfather was a Geordie and I’ve always had a soft spot for them but I can’t believe they can get dicked 4-0 here a few months ago and then come back here and do it again.  They were as bad as last time when they players they had out that day, also didn’t give a fuck.

It’s time for a gloat.  It’s not big and it’s not clever but it’s definitely time for a gloat.  I know it won’t last but the league table shows that Saints are 4^th and the teams that all our players and manager left for are all lower down the league than us.   Arsenal, Liverpool, Man United and Spurs…. All below us and fuck you.  Lallana, Lovren, Chambers, Shaw, Pochettino….  Long may it continue.  If we finish above just one of them this year it will be fantastic.  Until the season is done though I’ll just take pleasure in Lovren fucking up again for Liverpool to give Villa an Anfield win and Lallana playing his usual 60 minutes before getting knackered and being replaced.

I guess that being in 4^th place means that the Ben Smith BBC scripted meltdown isn’t really going to plan either.

Next up Swansea away.  Man of the Match today: see the picture at the top.