Premier League Match 31 - Tottenham 3 Southampton 2

Listen Saan! You've got nuffink on me in the Merchant Bankah stakes. F'sure. Triffic. Innit.

I hate Spurs.  I think it’s the sense of entitlement that they seem to have, like they’re this massive club who win everything, which of course they don’t.  As the Arsenal fans sing … “you won the league, in black and white”.  Perhaps Spurs could sing a song back at them as Arsenal haven’t won it in HD.  Singing that would be a bit original though and ‘When the Spurs go Marching In’ doesn’t really suggest they’re capable of that.  Spurs seem to spend millions every year and the net result is that they never seem to close the gap on the Top 4.  Once in memory they managed to do it and that was with Redknapp in charge and because he didn’t win the league in the following season he was gone.   Andre Villas-Boas was manager at the start of the season and he spunked this years kitty up the wall on average players who are not top 4 material using the time honoured Spurs ethos of “if it’s foreign and fancy sounding then buy it and buy ten of them”.

Now Tim Sherwood is in charge and this may be Daniel Levy admitting he made a mistake to fire Redknapp as Sherwood has that same annoying Cockney Geezer persona which makes you want to throw stuff at him.  It seems that everyone apart from Sherwood knows that he won’t be there next year and whilst no one deserves to be in that position, it can’t be denied that he’s a massive, massive helmet.  He was unbearably smug when he won his first few games but now the pressure is on he’s cracked a few times.  He doesn’t seem to now how to deal with failure as we’ve had public criticism of his players (when they lost) and a spat with the Benfica manager (when they lost).  So, what is it with Spurs and managers – Redknapp, Villas-Boas and Sherwood.  I’m guessing that Spurs must be an ‘equal opportunities employer’ who don’t discriminate against complete tossers.

Saints week has been a quiet one with only wild media speculation to keep us entertained.  Not only are all our first team ‘stars’ like Lallana, Shaw, Lovren and Schneiderlin being sold but so are players like Chambers, Gallagher and Reed.  All this and Guly is out of contract at the end of the year but no takers.  Unreal.  The teams are in and Jack Cork is back in midfield but there’s no Morgan.  Sir Rickie is restored to the attack in place of Gaston who is on the bench.  For Spurs, Adebayor is absent and Soldado is up front.  We’ve played Spurs three times since we got back into the top flight and we’ve lost every time in vaguely ridiculous fashion.  We lost at White Hart Lane last year to a ‘one man team’ effort from Gareth Bale after dominating the game and we’ve gifted them the two games at SMS, most recently when Gazza and Big Jos combined with devastating effect.

Away we go and Spurs make the better start, winning a corner in the first couple of minutes which we defend by allowing Kaboul to have a free header which thankfully is straight at King Artur who pouches it.  When we attack we are trying to take advantage of Spurs pushing up and two diagonal balls from Sir Rickie into the space behind the right back find J-Rod fractionally offside once and completely onside once but the lino flags anyway.

We’re getting into he game and our front three are beginning to cause problems.  The ball however is with the King and he booms it forward and Naughton defends like a 6 year old who is frightened of heading the ball and it bounces over him and J-Rod is through against Lloris.  The outcome is never is doubt as he opens himself out and sidefoots it into the far corner to make it 1-0.  Easy. As a team that usually manages 500 passes without having a shot, it’s amusing to score with a long punt downfield.

Spurs are now rattled and we’re flying as Davis chips a ball down the right which Sir Rickie controls masterfully.  The ball is worked infield to Lallana who skips across the top of the penalty area onto his left foot and then scuffs a shot straight at Lloris.  It’s the right hand side again that starts things off as Stave Davis nicks the ball off Rose and off we go again.  The front three are all involved and the ball finds its way to Shaw who cuts in and shoots and it spins off Dembele’s heel, wrongfooting Lloris and it drops just wide of the post.  From the corner we work it back infield and attack again and Naughton has chance to clear but just stabs it to Sir Rickie who calmly holds off Vertonghen and rolls it into the path of Lallana to fire past Lloris to make it 2-0.  Get in!

Spurs respond to being 2-0 down and the natives getting restless with Bentaleb, taking a pot shot from miles out which has King Artur scrambling across the goal. Bentaleb is referred to as ‘English’ because he plays for a big (well biggish) club and he’s been there for a while.  Like Adnan Januzaj at Man United, he just hasn’t decided which national team apart from England he’s going to play for yet.

We need to get to half time at 2-0 and Spurs are suddenly doing all the attacking.  Instead of ensuring that we do get to half time, we shoot ourselves.  Firstly Dejan is too weak in a challenge over on the right and goes down under Chadli’s challenge.  Yes it’s probably a foul but why risk it?  His cross is totally ballsed up by Clyne who tries to take a touch rather than just whacking it away and he presents a chance to Eriksen who is five yards out and not going to miss. 2-1.

Despite the setback we’re straight back on the attack with Shaw bombing down the left and playing a 1-2 with J-Rod who gets completely binned by a late Dembele tackle.  We win a throw which goes to Corky who puts Lallana through with just the keeper to beat.  From 8 yards with a free shot you really shouldn’t be giving the keeper a prayer but he does by smashing it straight at him.

So, we should be 3-1 up but it’s looking more like 2-2 as a cross comes into the box, Soldado knocks down and Eriksen eludes a lunge from both Dejan and Jose but can’t stab the ball past King Artur.  It’s all Spurs now and all hands to the pump for us

Davis wins ball, Rose goes in late and high and so of course, the ref gives Spurs a free kick which is an absolute bullshit decision.  Eriksen tries a shot from the free kick but The King is alert and pushes it over the bar.  Half time and it’s been a good game so far.  We’re winning but there is a feeling that we should be out of sight.

Calum Chambers is on for Nathaniel Clyne at the start of the second half and for Spurs, Gylfi Sigurdsson is on for Dembele.  We need to put in a strong 45 minutes to win this game but what we do is last barely 45 seconds.  Lovren covers across behind Shaw and tries to let the ball run out of play and is easily nudged off the ball by Soldado who fires across goal to where Eriksen, totally unimpeded by Chambers, arrives and he can’t miss, again.  Shit.  Just clear the fucking thing – Row Z, out of the ground, even off for a corner, for fucks sake.

It’s now like the fucking Alamo with both Eriksen and Soldado having shots from the inside right channel, one of which flies wide and the other has to be pushed aside by King Artur.  J-Rod has to go off having failed to run off the effect of Dembele’s challenge and Gaston is on.  Spurs have brought on Potshot Townsend, no doubt to run down the wing very fast, check onto his left foot and then lash it.

Nothing much happens until the 85^th minute when Potshot starts a run and tries to beat Shaw at get to the byline.  Good luck with that one mate.  So, Luke dumps him on his ass and starts the counter.  Lallana plays a 1-2 with Gaston, skins the full back and lays it back to Gaston who sees his shot blocked out to the right hand side.  Chambers crosses it back in and Sir Rickie brings it down on his chest and fires just wide with his left foot.  Suddenly we look like a decent side again but it was just a blip.

Big Sam is on for Sir Rickie as the clocks ticks 89 and we’re looking good for a draw. Adam Lallana has the ball and is then clearly fouled by Rose and the ref plays on again.  We win it back and then Gaston commits a foul which is of course given because as with all Gaston fouls, it’s stupid and late and 100% a free kick.  Lloris belts the free kick forward and Jose Fonte’s header plops down to Eriksen who pops it sideways to Sigurdsson..... bang, FUCK IT!  The sight of Tim Sherwood dancing down the touchline like the massive helmet that he is, is a sight that makes you want to kick the shit out of whatever is closest to you.

So we’ve done it again and found a new way to give Spurs three points with the emphasis on ‘give’.  Two nil and we fucked it up as the song goes…. and how.   It was crushingly predictable that we’d let in a goal straight after going 2-0 up and as soon as that ball dropped to Sigurdsson, it was going in, even before he hit it.  At 2-0 up, you have to get to half time at 2-0 and then you come out in the second half and don’t take chances at the back.  If the ball is in your box then you don’t take a touch, you smash it away.  If you are under pressure near your own goal, you get rid of it rather than try and shield it out of play.  Back to basics, clear the fucking thing.  Even the 3^rd goal is a shocker as it’s a poor header from Jose and the defensive midfielders who should be picking up that ball are nowhere, allowing Eriksen to tee up an unmarked Sigurdsson.  At 2-2 as the away side you protect what you have in the last minute and you pick up 2^nd balls and get it the fuck away from your own goal.

JWP and Corky proved conclusively the pre-match fear that they’d be too lightweight.  They were fine in possession but when Spurs started bossing it, we needed someone who put a foot in and break things up. In short, we needed Big Vic and Morgan.  Games like this one totally illustrate why Big Vic was bought in.  Much has been made of our record against the top sides this season but when Vic played, we won at Liverpool and drew at Man United.  Compare that to the games he doesn’t play in against the top boys.  Maybe today we should have played Calum Chambers as a defensive midfielder or maybe brought Maya Yoshida on to sit in front of the back 4 and just defend.  I feel a bit sorry for JWP as he’s an attacking midfielder, ideally suited to the role that Steven Davis plays on the right and he’s no more a defensive midfielder than Gaston or Guly.

I hate to say this – really hate to say this but Sherwood did well.  He pushed his team onto us in the second half and we did nothing to counter it.  With J-Rod struggling with an injury, we couldn’t put the ball over the top for him to run on to.  Maybe Big Sam could have come on earlier which would have at least given us some pace.

After this game I found myself pondering our season as a whole.  Of the ‘big’ signings we made, only Dejan Lovren has played to full potential which is ironic as he had a shocker today – squashed bollocks last week and just bollocks today.  As touched on earlier, Big Vic would have been vital but for injuries and Dani Osvaldo was of course a disaster.  So, we’ve managed to get where we are with a massively similar squad to last year.  It’s worth remembering that Big Vic would have dominated midfield today and Osvaldo would have given us another option in attack – in short, we would not have lost this game with those two available.

Nothing changes, I still hate Spurs.  They won’t finish above Arsenal and will come somewhere between 5^th and 7^th – same as usual.  Sing your own song and as usual, your manager is a massive helmet.  This one has a claim to be the biggest helmet of the lot.

Next up for us in the battle for 8^th place is a home game against Newcastle.  Alan Pardew won’t be at the game as he’ll be in a hotel in town somewhere while the game is going on  Rumour has it that there are a few hoteliers that remember him from when he was manager here.

Premier League Match 30 - Southampton 4 Norwich City 2

Dejan's new design for a Russell Brown T-Shirt, Perhaps!

Don’t you just hate it when you’re at home and you’re up against a team that’s got an abysmal away record.  You just go into it expecting to cock it up.  It’s like when you’re playing against a striker who hasn’t scored for three years.  We are up against one of those today in the amusingly named Ricky Van Wolfswinkel who was signed with much fanfare as the replacement for Grant Holt and has been a complete disaster.  At least he hasn’t nutted a team mate in training though.

Chris Hughton seems like a decent guy but I always get the feeling that he’d be better suited for being an assistant rather than the main man.  However, main man he is and Norwich need a win or else they’ll get that soaky old chef on the pitch again making an arse of herself.  On the walk-up to St Marys, there are few Norwich fans by the Chapel Arms, singing ‘On the ball City’ which as far as I know, is one of those truly dismal ‘new’ football songs that was born that should really have died.  Coventry have that dreadful ‘Sky blues, shooting to win’ which is in a similar vein.  I guess it’s better than ‘When the Spurs go Marching In’.  Twats.

There hasn’t been a lot of news out of St Marys on the playing side this week aside from both Corky and Big Vic being injured.  Off the pitch we’ve had the appointment of Ralph Krueger as Chairman.  His first interview was top class and you feel that the meltdown we were having as a crisis club is not really happening as yet.  He said all the right things and also that words were cheap and it needs action.  As this is a Liebherr appointment, I see no downside in the slightest and the board is taking shape.  As his background is ice hockey, I wonder is Corky and J-Rod can follow up their human curling video with an ice hockey equivalent.  Krueger has been watching games for a few weeks and there’s another bloke here today who is always in the Director’s Box but it’s not a new board member, it’s Roy Hodgson again.

We arrive at the ground at 14.59 (which is entirely down to my Dad being unable to find his season ticket before he left home) and catch the last reading of the teams.  Both JWP and Gaston have come in with Corky out injured and Sir Rickie on the bench.  Norwich have left Nathan Redmond on the bench which is a good thing from our point of view and they don’t have any strikers to bring on, just Van Wolfswinkel and Elmander.  Ah, Snodgrarse is playing – what a moaning tosser that bloke is.

We start off very quickly and are soon knocking it about.  Clyne mis-hits a pass but it turns into a chip and chase for himself and he’s away and completely trashed by a Norwich defender as he knocks it past him.  It’s either a goal kick or a free kick to us so the ref gives a corner.  With JWP on the pitch the corners will be better today and his first one lands on the head of Gaston who gets up and heads it over the bar.

The breakthrough is not long in coming and what a goal it is.  Steve Davis plays it into J-Rod, first time out to Gaston, first time perfectly weighted behind the defence to meet Morgan’s run and slotted past the keeper, easy as you like.  Beautiful goal to take the lead with and what a final ball by Gaston.  Let’s keep him in the team for a bit.

Gaston is pinging the ball about all over the place and the coaching staff must have got into his head about the amount of times he gives the ball away because he’s quite happy to play the easy ball at times and just recycle it.  The back 4 though are giving me the shits with Dejan and Jose looking very casual and needing JWP to bale them out on a couple of occasions.  As I said though, attacking wise Gaston is running the show and is heavily involved in the next two chances, firstly finding Davis who tries to tee himself up but screws his shot wide and then picking up Clyne’s pass and taking aim himself with a sidefooted effort, which goes just wide with the keeper having his feet planted and watching it.  Either very well judged or very lucky.

Fair play to the Norwich fans as they’ve hardly touched the ball for the first 20 minutes but it’s Ole, Ole, Ole when they string three passes together across the back 4.  They’ve created precisely nothing so we do it for them as Fonte’s air-shot at a cross gifts the ball to Hooper who plays a 1-2 with Snodgrarse and then shoots wide when he really should have done better.

The shot from Hooper has seems to have breathed life into Norwich and Olsson goes charging down the left and is upended by Davis.  The referee surveys the Norwich player who is clearly dead.  Sure enough, the yellow card comes out for the Saints man and it has miraculous healing powers as the little shit is resurrected from the dead and it’s not even Easter yet.  They waste the free kick but another cross comes in and Pilkington attempts to punch it into the net, misses and gets booked anyway for being a wanker. 

It’s half time and we are clearly the far more accomplished side but I feel that in the last 20 minutes we have been brought down to Norwich’s level which is somewhere below sea level.  We’ve not helped ourselves by being very casual at the back and King Artur kicking every ball straight out of play.  It has been amusing watching Snodgrarse getting no change at all out of Luke Shaw and being reduced to flopping on the ground and imploring the officials for free kicks.  Last time I checked, you don’t get a free kick for not being good enough.

It’s remarkable that even though he “doesn’t speak a word of English”, Mauricio has got it sorted at the start of the second half and we’re back on it.  JWP rumbles forward from his defensive midfield position and as no Norwich defender fancies closing him down he hits it, forcing Ruddy to push it past the post.

The corner comes to nothing but the next one nearly brings the football equivalent of rocking horse shit as JWP’s delivery is met by a Lallana header in front of Ruddy and his flicked header sails about a foot wide.  That’s his last contribution by have no fear Mr Hodgson, we’re replacing one England international with another as he’s replaced with Sir Rickie, which pushes J-Rod out to his normal position.  Adam hasn’t been as effective today as he’s been shunted left to accommodate Gaston but he’s still shown his trademark ability on the ball and yes Roy, he is better than Rooney and Welbeck.

I don’t want to be smug about this as it’s hardly a big thing to predict that your centre forward will score but I did and with a minute he had, as Clyne’s chip from the right was obligingly flicked on by a Norwich defender and Sir Rickie was 1v1 with Yobo who he easily turned inside before sidefooting it past Ruddy.

I notice that Gaston has waddled over towards the bench and he’s off to be replaced with Guly and Hughton replaces three players who have been more shite than the other eight, with Redmond and two non-strikers in Elmander and van Wolfswinkel.  The next action is us making it 3-0 as Sir Rickie puts Guly in on goal, his shot is blocked by Ruddy but loops back to Sir Rickie who instead of blasting it, lays it sideways for J-Rod to smash into the net.  If ever there was an illustration of how good the man is then that was it.

It’s suddenly looking like we might hit 5 or 6 as Norwich have completely gone and we’re toying with them.  J-Rod picks up a pass from Guly on the corner of the penalty area and smashes it past Ruddy only to see it ping off the angle of post and bar.  Then Sir Rickie gets put through by Davis and leathers it at the goal but Ruddy gets down to make a good block.

There are 5 minutes to go when we have the ball in the right back position and Jose finally gets caught out for being casual and attempts to find JWP but succeeds only in putting Elmander clean through but even then it’s still a surprise that he manages to poke it under King Artur to make it 3-1.  My son turns to me and says “doesn’t matter does it Dad?”.  Before I have chance to reply, Guly has presented the ball to a Norwich player with a casual pass with the outside of his foot and the balls ended up with van Wolfswinkel who surprises everyone by getting a shot on target which King Artur can only push out as far as Snodgrarse who has managed to escape from Luke Shaw’s pocket (as Shaw is up the pitch not expecting Guly to fuck up like that) and smashes it in the net for 3-2.  You have got to be fucking joking. Yes son, it does matter.

Mauricio tries to give us time to think and brings on Big Sam for J-Rod and straight away its all gone wrong as Dejan Lovren has somehow been bollocksed (literally) and after a break, has to go off and now we’re down to 10 men.  Morgan has gone to centre back as Norwich lob the ball into the box in search of what would be the most undeserved equalizer in history.  Five minutes of injury time…. Piss off!!!!

We seem to have calmed down now but every time Norwich get the ball there are nerves.  They lob it in again, Guly heads clear and Tettey falls over allowing Steve Davis to gallop up the pitch and square it to Big Sam who scoops it over Ruddy and in before someone boots it away from about a yard behind the line. I’m not a religious man but thank God, 4-2.  Get in!

The full time whistle blows before there is a chance for us to play another through ball to a Norwich striker.  We got there in the end but the fact that we had a nervy few minutes was ridiculous and served us right for the air of casualness which surrounded the centre backs and the goalkeeper today.

With Roy Hodgson in his usual seat both J-Rod and Sir Rickie gave performances to make him sit up and take notice.  Hodgson said in the past that J-Rod was a wide forward and not a striker and he’s dead right and today proved it again as he struggled until Sir Rickie came on and was then superb once moved out left where he had a bit of space.  Sir Rickie of course scored after a minute of coming on and then set up J-Rod’s goal on a plate when he could have lashed it himself.  He’s a bit better than his rival for a place who can only head the ball.  Shaw was solid and Lallana was decent for the hour he played.  Nathaniel Clyne was again excellent at right back and must be edging very close to Kyle Walker’s spot in the England squad.

Post match interviews again threw Morgan Schneiderlin’s name into the reckoning as he once again has been ignored by France.  Personally I don’t want to see England going down this route but you can’t say that England wouldn’t benefit from having him there.  A proper defensive midfielder who can pass it, tackle, run and score goals.  Carrick only ticks the first one of those.  Match of the Day interviewed Sir Rickie and tried to stir up interest in Sir Rickie vs J-Rod for one spot on the plane.  Robbie Savage of course would take a footballer who can only head the ball but then of course, Savage is Welsh and Savage is a complete cock and has no interest in England moving away from one dimensional smash it up the park football .  Match of the Day did miss out on some comedy gold by not showing the Mauricio interview about Dejan’s injury.  The translator repeating ‘trod on his testicle’ was a classic moment as was Mauricio’s response of ‘Mucho’ in reply to the ridiculous ‘does it hurt?’ question that followed.  Tell you what, I’ll stand on your bollocks and you tell me if it hurts.

Norwich for their part were absolutely shocking.  Chris Hughton spouted a load of crap in his post match interview, using the phrases ‘character’ and ‘we hung in there’.  Firstly, they showed no character whatsoever in any part of the game until they had been gifted two goals and how can you be hanging in there at 3-0 down?  Hughton will no doubt get the flak for their performance but the players have to look at themselves.  In Snodgrarse, Pilkington and Johnson they have three of the worst whingers I’ve ever seen. If you’re having a great game and putting in the proverbial 110% then you have the right to have a moan at others.  However, they and many of the Norwich team played like they couldn’t give a shit.  We were heavily linked with Gary Hooper a while back and today proved that he’s no better than Billy Sharp – in fact, Billy would have caused us more problems today if he’d been playing up front for Norwich.  I have a feeling that Norwich will just about stay up due to the failings of others but if they have a relegation 6 pointer against anyone coming up soon, I’m backing the other team.

A final word today for those who take to Twitter and various forums to slag Sir Rickie off every week.  You’re just wrong.  You’re always wrong.  I’m always seeing him blamed for everything, usually for our lack of goals despite the amount of chances he sets up for everyone and scores himself (as illustrated by the stats on Match of the Day).  I’ve even seemed him blamed for Osvaldo leaving as he never settled as he was in the wrong position cos Rickie was there etc etc…. bollocks!  What are you going to write this week?

Next up we have a trip to White Hart Lane at a time when Tottenham’s season is imploding.  We have always found a way to lose to Tottenham since we’ve been back in the Premier League and in all three games, we really should have got more out of it than the defeat we ended up with.  Assuming Dejan’s Buster Gonad Impression is no longer possible then maybe this is the time.  Oh yes Spurs, it’s our song you twats.

Premier League Match 29 - Crystal Palace 0 Southampton 1

The goal is that way and relegation is that way!

A trip to Selhurst Park to try and end our 100% 3 game run of defeats against Crystal Palace, now managed by Tony Pulis, father of one of the players who contributed the most to Southampton Football Club over recent years, Anthony.  He was with us for 3 years and contributed the square root of fuck all and never even made the bench, not even for a League Cup game.  His father however has been more successful in the game and has transformed the Palace which was crumbling under Village idiot Holloway and has at least given them a chance of staying up.

The Saints news this week has been all about internationals with Adam Lallana, Luke Shaw, Sir Rickie and J-Rod all making the England squad for a friendly against Denmark.  In the event, the latter two didn’t get a run out but the second half saw Luke Shaw make his debut as a sub for Ashley Cole and he settled in very well, getting forward and flashing some good balls across and generally looking completely at home.  England actually only started to play when Rooney and Wilshere were removed and Adam Lallana and Danny Welbeck came on.  Sturridge continued to frustrate and miss chances and Kaspar Schmeichel saved everything but eventually it was Lallana who created the winner, beating a defender out wide and chipping in a lovely left footed cross straight onto the head of Sturridge who couldn’t miss.  He should have been sent off for that shocking goal celebration but he wasn’t.  The papers made good reading in the morning with almost all picking out Lallana as the man of the match and many pundits being of the opinion that Luke Shaw should go to the World Cup instead of Ashley Cole.  Andy Townsend however, picked out Raheem Sterling despite him never beating a man or delivering a decent cross to an England player.  All this proves is that Andy is a dick and therefore perfect for ITV Sport alongside that potato headed cretin, Chiles.

Back to today though and Mauricio makes one change with Nathaniel Clyne starting against his former club instead of Calum Chambers.  Palace of course have Jason Puncheon in the line-up who has signed for them permanently which probably means that his performances have gone to shit.  If he scores today, I wonder if he’ll not celebrate out of respect for his former team or will he give it the full arse-wipe goal celebration?  Chamakh is injured and so Pulis has replaced him with Glenn Murray so it’s as you were on the ‘tosser’ front.  Howard Webb is referee so hopefully he won’t buy all the theatricals which Murray will no doubt bring to the party.  Surprisingly, Thomas Ince is on the bench for Palace and that useless lump Dikgacoi is in the team – if ever there was a clearer indication of the tactics we’re about to face then I’d like to see it.

Boom! … and a big cross is wellied up in the air from the left wing and Boom! … Murray tries to volley it at the goal over his shoulder and puts it in Row Z.  Good old Tony Purist.  Here’s some football as Corky picks out J-Rod as he chips in a diagonal, J-Rod heads across, Morgan can’t get to it and Deadly Davis, 6 yards out, pokes a volley which Speroni claws away.  Neither Davis or Speroni would have known someone was offside so it’s both a poor effort and a decent save.

The contrast of styles is again illustrated as Palace bomb it down the right wing and Punch gets on the ball but Shaw just strolls in and casually takes if off him and is gone, racing up the pitch.  Lallana takes over and feeds Davis whose pass sees J-Rod get a shot on but it’s well blocked by a defender.

The pitch looks pretty dodgy and the ball is bobbling all over the place and you wonder if it contributed to what happened next as Corky turned and played a ball back to Jose Fonte, fell over under the challenge of no one and stayed down.  Jose makes a bollocks of it and Dejan has to clear but that’s incidental as Corky has done his ankle or his knee and has to be replaced with Big Vic coming on, fresh from flying to Kenya and back in the week for a game which was called off.

Palace are getting some hit-and-hope crosses in but in the main they are meat and drink to the centre halves but they do win a corner on 35 minutes.  In it comes and it gets half cleared before Morgan gets a boot to it and smashes it up in the air.  Punch decides to head it back to Moxey who is the last defender but J-Rod gambles and nicks it and is away as Moxey pulls out of a potential red card tackle.  It’s a 50-50 between J-Rod and Speroni… crunch as both slide in.  J-Rod half gets up and swings a leg at the ball and sits on his bum and watches it roll into the empty net.  For me, forget all your arse-wiping celebrations, this is goal celebration of the year as he raises both arms and then flops onto his back.  Superb determination by Jay as he could have got injured in the tackle but he fancied it more than the goalkeeper which is why he’s ended up with ball and Speroni has ended up nowhere near it.

It’s nearly 2-0 and game over a few minutes later as a Lallana cross is half headed clear and Sir Rickie brings it down and pokes an effort with the outside of his right boot which beats Speroni but bounces back off the post.  The boomed clearance is straight to José but he continues his uncertain match by miscontrolling and picking up a deserved yellow card for binning Bolasie straight afterwards.  Big Vic is giving encouraging signs that he’s getting back to his best as three Palace players line up to try and get the ball off him and all are bundled through in the usual fashion.  The promising move is however butchered by a wayward Davis pass.

Palace win a corner at the end of the half as Bolasie takes on Jose who deals with it.  When the tosser Jedinak stops backing into people and generally being a dick, we half clear it out to Bolasie who brings the first save of the game out of King Artur with a low drive through a ruck of players from the edge of the box.  We have time to win a corner of our own before half time and Adam plays it short to Shaw who brings a sharp save out of Speroni with a first time blast.  Half time and Palace don’t really look up to much and a second goal will totally put it beyond them.

It’s a scrappy start to the second half as Murray has an obligatory tumble in the box and Steve Davis cynically stops a break (no snooker pun intended) by ignoring the ball and walking into a Palace player as he tried to burst past him.  Jedinak hasn’t got the brain to realise that it’s not a good thing to do round your own box though and decides to barge Morgan over who is trying to play a 1-2 around him.  Up steps Sir Rickie and curls it just over the bar.

The tackles are flying in now and Morgan stretches into one and bins Jedinak who to be fair, doesn’t make a big meal of it.  He’s 100% won the ball but in today’s climate, I think everyone’s just pleased he didn’t get sent off for it.  Next up is Dejan Lovren as Boalsie burst towards our penalty area and Dejan chops him down.  Clyne was coming round on the cover and that’s the reason it was only a yellow but fucking hell, that’s a red card all day long as there was no way Clyne was getting there and we’ve certainly been given a favour with that one.  The sense of amusement is heightened at Jedinak stands imperiously surveying the free kick before shatting it over the bar.  I reckon any other Palace player including the goalkeeper could have got close than that.

Tony Purist goes to his bench and takes off Bolasie, the one player who was a threat and replaces him with Jerome Thomas before he improves his team no end by removing The Wardrobe and bringing on Ince and Cameron Jerome who I will never forgive for that incredible goal he scored for Stoke against us.  The latter two subs nearly combine as Jerome gets in down the right and slides a low ball across the face but Clyne seems to want to defend it more than Ince wants to attack it and clears it for a corner.

The rest of the game really peters out.  There are some more examples of what a good footballer Luke Shaw is with some great touch and powerful runs, one of which ends with him cutting in and working Speroni again.  Sam Gallagher comes on for Sir Rickie and JWP is on for Davis.  There is one minor alarm as Jerome gets in a header which Artur catches one handed without spilling a drop of vodka but it’s offside anyway.

Blow the whistle Mr Webb… thank you.

It has to be said that as 1-0 wins go away from home, I can’t remember ever feeling as comfortable and as convinced that the opposition weren’t going to score.  Most of that was down to the inept opposition but also that we had the big 6 on the pitch – King Artur, my first choice back 4 and Big Vic.  With these 6 on the pitch, I feel that opposition teams have to do a bit more than sling a ball in the box and look for scraps which is basically all that Palace could do.  Yes, we got a break in that Lovren wasn’t sent off but other than that there was hardly any danger.  I think Boruc made one save all match.

Luke Shaw showed that the England appearance had no negative affect on him at all and was superb which is only going to mean that we have to put our tin hats on and ignore the rumours that will now go into overdrive.  Adam Lallana had a superb game as well, managing to orchestrate things against a very robust Palace defence.  Sir Rickie was quiet again and it would have been a massive boost to him if his shot had behaved itself and nestled in the corner instead of hitting the post.  J-Rod did his usual and chased everything and was rewarded both for persistence and bravery with his goal.

The win takes us to 42 points and past the magic 40 point barrier.  It’s also important that although we were safe anyway in truth, we managed to pick up a decent away win against a team who are scrapping for their lives.  During all our near-relegation scrapes in the 90s, if we got safe with 3 games to go, we would then be on the beach and lose every subsequent game so it’s important to see that the players are still motivated and hungry.  I’d like to see Mauricio try a few things in the remaining games – Gaston Ramirez has started one league game this season so give him a run for a few weeks instead of Steven Davis – not because Davis has done anything wrong but because we need to see if Gaston can do it this season.  Maybe give Shaw a break for a game and give Matt Targett his debut.

Palace will be hoping that there are 3 teams worse than them.  I’d say Fulham and West Brom are and Cardiff should be.  If Palace survive then it’ll be a remarkable achievement as they have some seriously bang-average players.  I like Ward (despite being an ex-Skate) but you really can’t expect to do well in the Premier League with players like Jedinak and Dikgacoi as your central midfield hub.  Jedinak isn’t that bad but The Wardrobe is utter shite.  Goals and a lack thereof is their problem and as a result, Tony Purist has to find a place for Ince on one wing.  Bolasie looked ok but Punch was awful but it must be dispiriting knowing that you’re trying to get crosses in to Murray who will probably be collapsed on the floor when the ball arrives.  Cameron Jerome has to be a better bet, surely.  Palace are a decent club though with decent supporters who contribute to the atmosphere unlike some, so I hope they stay up.

Next up for us is a home game against Norwich where we will hopefully do enough to keep them down amongst the dead men as well.  We had a Howard Webb inspired shocker when we played at Carrow Road earlier in the season and lost 1-0 after Bradley Johnson’s double handed charge down was deemed not a penalty.  I guess he evened that up today for us with the Lovren yellow card.    Bring on next Saturday – time to play taxidermist and stuff a Canary.

Premier League Match 28 - Southampton 0 Liverpool 3

Fonte and Lovren look on. Suarez is about to tear them a new one.

A genuine title contender has arrived at St Mary’s in the shape of Liverpool which isn’t a sentence I thought I’d be writing at the start of the season.  I don’t get it really as Brendan Rodgers signed a load of players in the summer who have turned out to be subs and aside from Mignolet in goal, every player in the starting XI was there last season.  This season though they’ve been smashing in goals all over the place with Suarez and Sturridge proving to be quite scary up front, ably supported by Coutinho and Sterling in midfield.  On paper, the back 4 still looks ropey as Johnson, Skrtel and Agger are still in it with Johnson out of position on the left and the right back being John Flanagan, a kid who seems to produce one potential leg breaking moment of madness every time I see him on the highlights of Liverpool’s latest win.  Central to it all though is Steven Gerrard who is still a fantastic player with massive influence, especially over judges and jury’s.  Undoubtedly helped by not being in Europe, Liverpool are closer to the top of the league than I remember them being in the last 20 years so it isn’t going to be easy today, especially as they won’t need reminding that we’re the only team to beat them at Anfield this season.

The main Saints news of the week is of course that Uncle Roy has announced his latest England squad and Sir Rickie, J-Rod, Adam Lallana have made the cut again, as has Luke Shaw for the first time.  It’s a stretch to imagine Luke ousting Ashley Cole for the forthcoming World Cup but I guess he has a better chance than he had a week ago.  .  Adam Lallana must be almost on the plane by now and Sir Rickie will be encouraged that Andy Carroll was left out.  J-Rod needs to get on the pitch on Wednesday and if he does, he needs something big to happen.  With 30 players in the squad all trying to get on the pitch on Wednesday, I guess training might be a bit competitive as well.

Meanwhile, we need something big to happen today and Dejan Lovren is back after 6 weeks out.  Otherwise the team is as expected with Calum Chambers again preferred to Nathaniel Clyne and the bench containing Big Vic, Gaston and Maya.  Rodgers has paid Saints a bit of a complement by leaving out Sterling and picking Joe Allen instead.  He got destroyed in the game down here last year and was off at half time.  Interestingly, when we won this fixture last year, Sturridge was left out and when we won at Anfield this year, Suarez was still banned for cannibalism and Coutinho was injured.  I have a feeling that facing the two strikers may make this one rather more difficult.

I would have turned up for 3pm if my wife hadn’t noticed yesterday that it was a later one so here we are, 5.30 – another traditional BT Sport bollocks kick off time and away we go with Liverpool playing in one of the worst kits I have ever seen in my life.  It kind of looks like bird shit if the bird in question has been eating berries.  It’s purple with white and gold splats and looks like it was designed by a blind man, assisted by a two year old.  Regardless of how bird shit they look, Liverpool start at 100mph and we are a Trabant in first gear.  They didn’t look up for it last year but they certainly do this year and the first real danger comes on 6 minutes as a misplaced pass up front gifts the bird shits the ball with Shaw committed forward and Sturridge is away down our left.  Remarkably, he defies his reputation as a greedy bastard by sliding a ball across just in front of Hannibal Lechter but Jose Fonte just about gets a toe on it to put it out for a corner.

Saints seem to have one tactic in the event of not being able to pass it through midfield which involves playing it back to King Artur who then chips up a ball for Shaw to compete for to flick on.  He manages it the first time and from the second, Flanagan comes in late and clatters him in the air.  It really should be a booking for the little thug but no danger of that as we don’t even get a free kick as the ball went on to J-Rod who ran at the defence, only for Skrtel to smash it off him for a goal kick.

We finally have a decent move when Steve Davis runs all over a dawdling Allen and wins the ball, eventually sending a ball through to Lallana in the box and he’s taken out by Flanagan.  At the time I thought nothing of it really but when you see the replay, Flanagan just runs straight into him and takes him out without any interest in where the ball is.  Would it have been given to a Liverpool player at Anfield?  You betcha.

Saints are more in control now and have at least got into the same gear as Liverpool for now.  As a supporter I’d rached the point where I could relax a tiny bit and enjoy the game but as usual, it then went wrong.  Liverpool won a throw just in our half and this was taken quickly and thrown directly forward to Suarez and then it was panic stations.  He tore towards our box and tried to play a 1-2 with Sturridge but Corky and  a scrambling Fonte did the job for him as he fell over and the ball rebounded back to Hannibal off Jose’s knee.  Bang, 1-0 without even breaking stride.  Brilliant finish by the little bastard.  Oh and what a surprise, Scousers all over the ground in the Home areas who can’t keep their fucking mouth shut.  Never mind lads, you can start your trip home to the outskirts of Southampton early.  Back to the actual goal and aside from the finish, another thing to admire about the goal was the quick throw and the carnage it caused.  You know for a fact that we’d have thrown it backwards and passed it about the back 4 and maybe even back to the keeper.

Going 1-0 down has definitely seen us up it and we’re stopping Liverpool getting out of their half and their back 4 is looking as shaky as you’d expect when put under pressure.  None of them are comfortable on the ball but Skrtel is not in the team to play silky football, he’s in it to kick and head everything and frighten children who are afraid of Frankenstein.  Johnson in particular looks like a fish up a tree on the left and it’s from that wing that J-Rod fires in a cross, Sir Rickie expertly chest it down into the path of Adam Lallana who rolls it past Mignolet and then has to watch it hit the inside of the post and bounce straight back out.

We create a half-opening with Morgan lashing one over the bar and a few minutes later and Shaw makes a great run down the left and fires over a low cross, a step over from Sir Rickioe and J-Rod has a free shot which he sidefoots in the direction that Mignolet has come from but too close to him and the keeper manages to stick out a hand and save it.  Fuuuuuuck!  The rest of the half is fairly even and it livened up by some class arm waving from Sturridge when he doesn’t get the pass he wanted.  I’m guessing that his team mates don’t mind as long as he’s scoring goals.

                                              

So 1-0 down at half time and time once again to listen to the people behind me moaning that they can’t sit in the Family Stand next year, all down to the unreasonable rule that you have to have a child of some description.  I feel like Andy Townsend during one of his legendary ‘expert’ analysis sessions in ITV when I say that the next goal is somewhat important.  If we don’t get it then we will be somewhat fucked.  Andy doesn’t say bad words like that, in fact he doesn’t say anything interesting or controversial at all.

Mauricio has decided that he’s going to go for it and Steven Davis is off at half time to be replaced with Gaston Ramirez in a move that will almost certainly result in a goal in one net or the other as we will have more attacking threat but be more open down the left hand side which is where Gaston’s fellow Uruguayan Hannibal Lechter is playing.

And Gaston is on fire as the second half starts and drifts effortlessly past players and fires in a shot which hits Skrtel and deflects for a corner.  We create a few more half chances as we dominate the opening exchanges and one decent move ends with Lallana scuffing an effort straight at Mignolet.  Lallana is involved in the next incident as we have some shite refereeing as Flanagan is allowed to go trashing through the back of the Saints skipper but as the ref doesn’t give it, Adam then flies straight at Flanagan the next time he gets it.  No harm done I guess.

Brendan Rodgers tries to get the initiative back and replaces the anonymous Coutinho with Raheem Sterling who has also been called up to the England squad.  From the very next move, Suarez gets down the inside right channel after a perfectly weighted ball from Gerrard, crosses to Sterling who plays it back the way it came and past King Artur to make it 2-0 with his first touch.  Ah shit!  I somehow feel that this one is over. 

We respond to going 2-0 down with nothing much. The players definitely have a air of knowing that this game is gone and there is nothing going on going forward with the wrong option being chosen most of the time.  J-Rod turns and squirts a cross straight to Mignolet from a tight angle when he should have just played a 10 yard ball to Chambers who had busted a gut to get up and support.  It’s all getting a bit frustrating.

                                                                            

We try something different by pissing about in our half, Fonte losing the ball and tsparking a chain of events which ends in Henderson sidefooting a sitter over the bar in really shit fashion from 10 yards.  Anything Jose can do, Dejan can do as well as he loses it to Suarez who races forward and feeds Sturridge who is forced wide by King Artur before trying a shot from a stupid angle which went out for a throw in on the other side.  The midfield is losing grip as well now and Steven Gerrard is allowed to advance unchallenged to within 20 yards and his shot is going in the bottom corner before King Artur gets across and makes a decent save to tip it round the post.  It’s not over yet though as Hannibal tries a shot from the corner and The King has to be alert again to throw himself forward and get something on it.  Suarez is undoubtedly a little bastard but this is a master class we’re watching here.

With 15 to go it’s time to give some game time (I hate that phrase) to the big men and Big Sam and Big Vic come on for Sir Rickie and Corky.  Big Vic is straight into the action, getting caught in possession and then fouling the bloke who took it off him.  The next time he gets the ball he pings a great ball out to J-Rod and the next time he’s involved he trashes through Suarez which is quite amusing.  He gets booked and Suarez gets to do that comedy limp that he’s so good at.  It’s a bit like slow motion version of Kevin Nolan’s chicken dance.  30 seconds later and he’s sprinting after a ball.  Great player but an arsehole.

Rodgers decides to try out one of his summer purchases and removes Sturridge who manages to sulk off the pitch without waving his arms about and complaining as he lost to chance to break some record or another of scoring in his last 9 games or something.  Aspas is on and I predict he will do nothing and be loaned to a mid-table Spanish club in the summer.

As we reach the end of the game there is just time for Hannibal to torment us once more as he gets 1v1 against Jose.  He gets into the box and lures Jose into sticking his leg out and Suarez runs into it and goes down.  He’s definitely bought it but no one can be arsed to complain too much.  I bet Sturridge wishes he was still on now but he’d still have to get the ball off of Gerrard who steps up and lashes a perfect penalty into the top corner.  We kick off and the great comeback is on…. But the game ends, robbing us of the chance to make it happen.  Bloody referee.

It’s a tale of finishing first and foremost.  The Suarez goal was an almost identical chance to the Lallana shot that hit the post and the Sterling finish was exactly what J-Rod should have done when Mignolet made the save.  Two chances each, two goals for them, none for us.  At 2-0 the game was completely done and Liverpool really should have scored more in that last half an hour.  Make no mistake, Liverpool were very good but we weren’t too bad.  I feel we were a bit tactically naïve today and this was echoed by Gerrard in his post match interview where he basically said that he can’t believe we left Dejan and Jose to defend against Suarez and Sturridge on their own.  He has a point as with Chambers and Shaw flying forward, we really needed either them to rein it in or for a midfielder to drop in.

Talking of finishing.... we have one good finisher at the club and he’s currently spending too much time outside the box.  The amount of times that Sir Rickie gets the ball with his back to goal, lays it out to Shaw or Chambers and is then out on the wing when the cross is delivered is really not helping us much.  J-Rod and Adam have many qualities of course but consistent finishing is not one of them. 

You need to take your chances against the decent sides and we didn’t today.  We played well in the period of time between the two relevant Liverpool goals but didn’t capitalize. It has to be said though that if Suarez played for us and not them then we would have won today.  He makes that much of a difference.  I thought the rest of the Liverpool side was functional at best with plenty of non-football at the back and some anonymous performances elsewhere but make no mistake, they deserved to win.  I can’t see them overhauling City and Chelsea and actually winning it but they’re up to second now so why not.  Good luck to them and at least they have a few English players.

Roy Hodgson’s trip to St Mary’s would have produced mixed results for our England contingent.  Adam Lallana would have impressed yet again in the way he manoeuvred the ball and is so comfortable in possession.  England need players like this, big time.  Luke Shaw produced some great runs in the second half but was shocking at the start.  Sir Rickie had a couple of moments and some nice touches but as I said before, did a lot of work too far from the opposition goal.  J-Rod had a shocker I’m afraid and never looked like he really knew what he was doing when he had the ball.  The English Liverpool boys were of course led by Steven Gerrard and Sterling had instant impact from the bench.  I’m not sure that Henderson or Sturridge gave a performance to impress anyone much though both of course have had excellent seasons so far.  Glenn Johnson only has the fact he was out of position as a defence.

So, it’s 3 defeats in a row for us and next week we have Pulis Palace away which will not be easy.  They’re transformed from the Wurzel Holloway led outfit who we comfortably beat at St Mary’s and have signed some decent players, including of course, Jason Puncheon who will probably score against us and take a shit.  He shits where he wants you know.