Premier League Match 16 - Newcastle 1 Southampton 1

Corky moves in to nick his watch.

Following our better showing against Manchester City, we have a long old trip to St.James Park to play a Newcastle side who have just won at Man United and have flown up the league under our ex-manager Alan Pardew with 4 wins out of the last 5.  Pards cannot let a press conference go by when he plays Saints, without mentioning that he was hard done by to be sacked by The Don.  He’s right of course but whilst part of him might have been pleased to not be working for The Don, he’s now working for Mike Ashley. 

Newcastle are what I’d call a bi-polar club as it’s either going really well like now or it’s shocking.  I never get any impression of stability and that the wheels could fall off at any moment.  It looked like they were falling off in the summer when they didn’t do much business in the transfer window despite appointing Joe Kinnear as Head of Recruitment / Manager in Waiting prompting mass protest and marches against Ashley etc.  There was that story that he recommended signing Shane Ferguson from Birmingham before someone pointed out to him that Ferguson was on loan to Birmingham, from Newcastle.  True or not it was very funny.  The only player Kinnear managed to play any part in bringing in was a loan of Loic Remy from QPR for the season who may or may not be about to go to prison for a long time.  In my opinion, allowing loaning from a club in a lower league is almost as stupid as allowing loans from clubs in the same league. After talking of Academy structures during the week, I do wonder if Newcastle are trying to get players in the first team via the Academy or is the focus purely on the first team itself?  Having commented on their lack of stability, Pards is now the second longest serving manager in the Premier League, behind Mr Wenger who at a guess, has clocked up more years than the rest put together.    

There are rumours of some surprise selections by Mauricio for this game and so it proves as Jose Fonte is left out in favour of Big Jos – I assume to counter Newcastle’s somewhat direct style of play.  The big news though is that Adam Lallana is on the bench and we’ve gone with Sir Rickie and the Argie-Italian Rock ‘n’ Roll Pirate up front.  Morgan Schneiderlin makes a welcome return as far as the bench as well. 

As we are in the smug position of having English players, I’m going to have a little dig at our opponents.  I do have a soft spot for Newcastle as my Grandfather was from there (came South to find work in the 1930s)  and he’d be turning in his grave that such a proud area should be represented in the way they are with just the one English player in the 18.  Newcastle have their usual team full of mostly French and African players but in amongst that they have the ex-Saint who no one remembers in Mike Williamson.  Their other English player is not English any more as it’s Shola Ameobi who for years was the subject of a fierce eligibility battle between England and Nigeria as neither country wanted him.  He then was finally capped by Nigeria so he doesn’t count as English, however you dress it up.

Newcastle start well and force a couple of corners which Gazza catches.  This is a good thing and I only realised he caught it after I opened by eyes.  He scares me I have to say.   Sensing that we now have a super confident keeper between the sticks, Anita chips the next corner to the edge of the box and Debuchy tries a volley which would have been goal of the season but it slices a couple of yards wide.

Saints aren’t getting anywhere and every time we do get the ball up to The Pirate he just loses it and Newcastle attack again.  Ameobi gets down our right and scuffs a cross over.  It should be Gazza’s to claim but he’s not positive enough and manages to get beaten to the ball by Gouffran who lays it back to Remy about 8 yards out.  Usually Remy smashes it into open gaping things but this time his shot is hacked off the line by Calum Chambers and we survive.

We finally get up their end of the pitch on 25 minutes with a decent move involving Davis, Sir Rickie and the Pirate and JWP fires in a long ranger which is easily saved by Krul but three minutes after that brief threat we’re behind as Corky gives away a free kick on the half way line which Debuchy chips into the box.   It’s really really shit as Williamson wins an easy header  against the non-jumping Sir Rickie to knock it down but there’s no danger as Big Jos is there.   However, a big swing of the left foot when the right foot was the one to use, an airshot and Gouffran easily dances round Gazza to tap it home.  What a fucking shit goal.  Losing the header is one thing as it really should have been attacked but I’m afraid that Big Jos’ mistake is fucking abysmal.  You have to make the opposition work for goals against you and that was just too easy.  As an aside, if you ever read the match report on the Official Saints website then you’ll have seen reference to  ‘a loose touch from red shirt’.   For fucks sake, tell it how it is.  What that actually means is ‘a cripplingly bad bit of defending by Hooiveld who swung and missed at a ball with his stronger left foot because he didn’t want to use his right foot’.  I should write for the Official Site.  Give me a job – I’d last one match if I was lucky.

Saints spend the rest of the half having lots of possession and doing fuck all with it .  Sir Rickie is too deep, The Pirate might as well be in the Carribbean and J-Rod has not been involved at all.  The closest we get to the Newcastle goal is Davis putting Sir Rickie away on the right wing and his cross is cut out.  It’s half time and the stats say we’ve had 66% of possession with which we’ve produced fuck all.  Newcastle lob a free kick into our box and it’s carnage.

It seems that someone agrees with me and it’s decisive from Mauricio at half time as JWP and Dani the Pirate are replaced Adam and Morgan.  Both outgoing players have been pretty average to be fair so neither could complain about being taken off.  We immediately look more balanced but one interesting variation is that J-Rod appears the be the farthest forward with Sir Rickie still playing deep.  Newcastle’s defence now has the threat of a runner in behind to deal with and the slow Williamson and Coloccini and his Wig are immediately appealing for offsides that aren't there and the Geordie faithful are getting on at the ref an lino even though they’re correct.

Newcastle are finding space but it’s mostly in front of us with Remy trying a shot after a long ball and knock down and Gouffran trying to catch Gazza out with a quick long range free kick at the near post.  In both cases, Gazza is up to the job and makes routine saves.  Sensing that the tide is turning as Saints begin to dominate possession even more, Pards decides to replace a striker who hasn’t scored for a year with a striker who hasn’t scored for a year and Papiss Cisse comes on.  Whilst I was confident that Ameobi would never score, Cisse is different as he scored from miles out against us last year even though he was offside – he at least has the ability to put it in the net.

Jack Cork doesn’t look much like Big Vic but he does a passable impression of him as he bins Sissoko and picks up a booking.  I’m finding this very frustrating as we are still not creating chances despite dominating the possession.   Steve Davis overhits a pass at which point I get on Twitter and post “Davis great at keep ball but no end product’.  No sooner had I hit the ‘Tweet’ button then out of nowhere Shaw breaks away, feeds Morgan who plays a ball to Davis who chips it up with right and hits it on the full with his left and it curls away from Krul and smacks the post and away.

Two minutes later and a Newcastle attack is broken up  in our half and we’re off with Lallana leading the charge.  He’s cynically binned in predictable fashion by Tiote but not before havng slipped the ball to J-Rod who plays a 1-2 at full pelt with Davis and strokes it past Krul to  equalise as 1 goalkeeper, 4 defenders and about 40,000 Geordies appeal for offside…. Which it wasn’t.  Great goal.

Back come Newcastle with a long ball from Santon which is nodded down in the box and Big Jos scuffs another shite clearance straight to Debuchy who luckily for the big man, scuffs it so Gazza can make an easy enough save.  What exactly has José Fonte done to get dropped?

We almost completely turn it around with out next attack as Davis who is now at the centre of everything and totally making me look like an idiot, advances up the right and squares across the top of the box to Sir Rickie who catches it well but it hits a defender and off for a corner.  The corner is flicked on by Dejan at the near post and J-Rod looks like he has to score but doesn’t get enough on it and it’s blocked at point blank range by Krul.

We’re on top at the moment and looking the more likely but it all changes round as Lallana fired a meaty back pass to Gazza who casually took his eye off it and scooped it up in the air and straight to Remy.  The goal was wide open as Remy went to shoot but she said no Mr Remy, she said no and he put it high and wide in really shite fashion.   Gouffran has been taken off and replaced with Ben Arfa who is a great player but I’m not sure he’ll get the space against us to be effective.  Pards also replaces Santon with another Random French Bloke.  The momentum is now back with the Toon but Ben Arfa keeps running into players and Tiote took time off from kicking people and had a shot from 25 yards which went comfortably wide.

I don’t feel that Newcastle are going to score but there’s time for one more scare as a Ben Arfa shot deflects up in the air but in the best bit of goalkeeping of his run in the team, Gazza positively comes off his line and catches it superbly over Sissoko’s challenge.  He’s hurt himself a bit and is still on the ground and Sissoka, the referee and a couple of Saints players are stood round him.  Next thing we know the referee is on the deck holding his face and it’s hilarious.  Later replays prove that as Gazza pushed him away, Sissoko has flicked his arm up and twatted the referee in the face with the back of his hand and he’s taken a dive big style.  It’s takes about 3 minutes to stuff a pad up his nose and a very confused looking referee is ready to continue.

Steve Davis who is still on his one man mission to prove me wrong, threads another lovely ball through to J-Rod but before he can strike it, Debuchy gets a toe in fronm behind him and nudges it back to the keeper who picks it up  No one even appeals for a backpass which is a bit odd as he wasn’t trying to clear it for a corner so what else was he trying to do?  I’m not saying we should have had a free kick but at last ask the question.

High farce flares up again as Morgan steams in and bins a Random French bloke.  It shouldn’t even be a foul really but it happens to be on the same random French bloke who got injured in that shocking assault by Callum MacManaman last season and so the Newcastle bench (as they are prone to do) over-react to it and a big melee starts.  It’s all handbags and ends up with both goalkeeper coaches getting sent to the stands.

After it all dies down, Mauricio bloods another Academy boy in the Premier League with Sam Gallagher coming on for J-Rod.  His first involvement is to get pushed over when a throw in is launched up to him but there was no way the ref was going to give that as he will have just wanted to blow the final whistle and get off without any further controversy.  Full time.

You’ll struggle to find anyone who thinks that a draw wasn’t a fair result.  Both sides could have won it but it would have been very harsh on the other.  From our point of view, I never felt like Newcastle were a threat up front but we gave them a goal thanks to an easy header and an airshot and nearly gave it away when Gazza presented that chance to Remy at the end.  On the other hand, we had no threat at all up front in the first half but got it together after half time with J-Rod causing them all sorts of problems.  If he could just be a little bit more clinical in front of goal then we’d have a real player on our hands. 

On the face of it, the second half improvement is not rocket science.  We have our best available players on the pitch and we play much better – go figure.  It turns out that Adam Lallana is carrying a slight knock, hence his appearing on the bench and Morgan of course is on his way back from injury.  It doesn’t explain the situation with Jose Fonte though as he’s been a reliable part of a very strong defence and in recent weeks he’s been left out once for Yoshida who immediately contributed to a shite goal conceded against Villa and left out again today for Big Jos who did what he did today.  Fonte issue aside, I feel Mauricio managed it well today especially in the second half.  It would have been easy to put Sir Rickie up top and stuck J-Rod on the wing but he knew J-Rod’s pace would cause problems so Sir Rickie sat deep and passed it around.  There are issues that need addressing like the total non-performance of The Pirate in away matches but we’ve got to be happy with a point here and we once again showed how good we can be.

We have dropped another place in the league table and sadly, it’s Man United who have moved above us but we have a real chance to get moving in the right direction next week with the visit of Spurs who despite being higher in the league than us, are in turmoil having got stuffed 5-0 at home by Liverpool in addition to getting gubbed 6-0 at City a couple of weeks  back.  Mr Villas-Boas has discovered that replacing a lead violinist with eight kazoos is not the best way of making the orchestra play better.   Bring it on....

PS – Andre Villas-Boas has been relieved of his duties at Tottenham by mutual consent.... bollocks!  I was really hoping that it was going to be Glenn Hoddle all over again and we’d beat them and send the Spurs manager to his doom but they’ve pulled the trigger already, maybe sensing that they were going to get thumped next week!.  It’s quite amusing in a way as I’ve been engaged in a trolling / not biting session with a Pompey fan on Twiitter who thinks that any Saints manager or player would jump at the chance of joining Spurs.  I quoted Bob Dylan and “the times they are a-changing” and I genuinely believe that as I don’t see Spurs as a big enough step up (if at all) to mean that anyone would automatically jump ship given the chance.   I could of course end up looking a clown here but I really don’t think so as apart from anything, Spurs now seem to think they deserve to be part of the elite so they’ll go for another foreign manager with a big reputation.  I see that Fabio Capello was at their game Saturday which is odd as they have no Russian players and he’s the current Russia manager.... and they have form of letting their manager manage a league club (Hiddink and Chelsea).... and Capello is best mates with the Spurs Director of Football....  I don’t like AVB but I like Spurs even less.  Just look at their recent record, sack Jol after finishing 5^th twice, sack Redknapp after finishing 4^th, sack AVB after selling his best player and giving him 15 games to integrate 8 new players.  By the way, they’re 6^th in the league.  Good luck to whoever gets that job as they’re a pretty classless bunch.

Speculation about your manager or players leaving comes with the territory of doing well.  What would you rather, 9^th in the Premier League and Mauricio at 33/1 for the Spurs job OR 6^th bottom of the entire league and Richie Barker about as likely to be the new Spurs boss as Arsene Wenger.