NPC Match 14 - Southampton 3 Middlesbrough 0

I Wanna Look Like Chappers

Middlesbrough at home in another tough home game and another severe test to our 18 games winning run or whatever it is.  They've only lost one game all season and the only reason they're not higher than their current 3^rd place is because of the number of draws, specifically 0-0 draws that they've had.  They don’t score many and they don't let in many either.  Boro legend Tony Mowbray is a manager who seems like a really decent bloke who wants his teams to get it down and pass it so we should see some decent football today, unlike the West Ham hoof-fest.

 As I said in the start of season preview, think of Boro and I think of Gareth Southgate who is so dull, he makes Alan Shearer seem interesting.  Pre-Gareth I think of Schteve McLaren of course who got the England job based on a couple of freak results in Europe and before that, Bryan Robson and the time they legendarily decided not to play a game as they had a few injuries... three points docked and relegated.   I also remember a game at The Dell when we were 3-1 up with a minute to go and they had 9 men... and we managed to get a draw.

We had a right to moan that day and unbelievably, moaning has been back on the agenda this week.  I’ve read moans about the Carling Cup exit with a weakened team and moaning about how we haven’t won an away game for a while.  Best of all, I heard some bloke on talkSHITE moaning about everything to the incredulity of the presenters who quite reasonably, expected Saints fans to be happy right now.  Personally, I’m delighted with where we are and anyone who expects it to all be perfect is at best deluded.  Yeah, we all have the right to moan but if you do, don’t be surprised if not many people are listening to you right now.  Can’t wait for the first time we drop a point at home...  Mick McCarthy has had a go at some Wolves supporters with short memories this week and he is spot on.... every club has them.  Every SFC moaner should be forced to watch the Season review of the Poortvliet / Woote season, which they can’t do because we didn’t produce one as we were that shit.

We have a few changes from our last league match with Danny Butterfield replacing Frazer Golac at right back and Adam Lallana returning to the left wing, meaning Chappers moved to the right and the Gulyman went up front meaning David Connolly dropping to the bench.  Jose Fonte had recovered from the ‘about to get sent off’ injury that he had last week.  There was no place on the bench yet for Lee Barnard and so Connolly was joined by Steve de Ridder and Morgan along with the bench ever-presents, Aaron Martin and Bart. 

Middlesbrough had ex-Saint Scott MacDonald up front who I remember mainly from a program about our youth players from that era and he came across as a complete Billy Big Bollocks.  He’s done alright for himself though and would be a threat today, as would their top scorer, Marvin Emnes.  Boro lined up n a 3-5-2 formation which I expected to cause us a few issues in midfield.

First to show was Jack Cork who embarked on a twisting run past a couple of players before he was unceremoniously halted on the edge of the box.  Sir Rickie looked like he was going to thrash it goalwards but instead, stood up a chip to the totally unmarked Fonte who was apparently offside.  The fact that he was unmarked was the interesting thing.  Attack followed attack and we won a corner which Lallana floated in, Big Jos headed down and Jose span and smashed it narrowly over the bar.  There were encouraging signs that the much vaunted Boro defence really weren’t all that good at all.

Final proof of that fact was delivered on 15 minutes when Deano swept a ball out to Butters on the right wing and he pinged in a cross from miles out, over Sir Rickie but straight onto the head of the unmarked Gulyman who planted his header into the top corner as the keeper watched for 1-0.

Boro looked a little shellshocked to be fair and weren’t winning the midfield battle at all despite having an extra player in there.  On 25, Sir Rickie tried to slide in Chappers who’d made a superb run forwards but he got tackled and the ball came out to Lallana on the left.  His cross to the back stick was met by the unmarked Sir Rickie who headed across for the Gulyman to head his second goal from about 3 yards out and about a foot off the ground.  2-0 up and we’re having a laugh.

Marvin Emnes is a tricky little player and he warned us against complacency with a neat little run and was denied by a well timed rush from his line by Superkelv who took the ball cleanly.  There is always a player on the opposition who gets a special award and so today’s Opposition Bell-End of the Week is Barry Robson who got tackled by Danny Fox and then spent a bit of time moaning at the linesman and pointing to his heel.  When he got nothing he carried on moaning at the lino and a few team mates and then, having being told to wait for the whistle, took a free kick too quickly and got himself booked.

It was all Saints though and Butters fired in another deep cross which Sir Rickie met well and headed it just the wrong side of the post.  The Gulyman should really have claimed the match ball a minute later as Lallana slipped him in and his scuffed, bobbly effort beat the keeper, hit the inside of the post and stayed out.

Boro had a couple of chances before half time as McMahon hammered a free kick just wide after Big Jos had fouled McDonald who had a chance himself, right on the whistle as he rounded Superkelv but ran out of pitch and angle before hitting the side netting. ‘Do, do-da-do, fucking useless’ sang the Northam which was a bit harsh but funny nonetheless.

We had reached half time and looked in no bother at all, Deano and Corky were ruling the midfield and Sir Rickie and the Gulyman were terrifying them up front.  At the back we looked in no trouble at all and the wide players were all doing sterling jobs in both defence and attack.  In short, we were fucking great.  The half time piss always feels better when you are half way through it and you find out that the Skates are 3-0 down.  There’s a certain symmetry with the Skates getting stuffed and watching piss flow down the drain.

We’re straight back at it after half time with Sir Rickie heading a ball on and Chappers heading down and in from an offside position though there is a slight concern that the Gulyman is limping a bit and after 10 minutes he makes way for David Connolly.  Connolly’s first real action is to catch one of their defenders daydreaming before he clears it and feed Corky who advances and hits a screamer towards the top corner which Steele does well to tip wide for a corner.

Middlesbrough finally get a bit of possession around our box and win a couple of corners but all this does is leave them open to the counter attack and we have a one man counter attacking machine in Bald Psycho who runs fully 80 yards with the ball, loses it in the Boro penalty area, before winning it back again and crossing.  Jose Fonte has somehow made it up from the back and thrown himself in front of a defender to knock it goalwards with his knee but the keeper is becoming increasingly irritating and saves it again.  Sub time and Chappers looks absolutely knackered but it’s not him coming off as Adam Lallana is replaced with Morgan Schneiderlin.

The game drifted on with Saints being the better side by a mile and Middlesbrough not really threatening.  Mowbray made a couple of subs to little effect and Morgan broke up a Boro attack on the edge of our box.  Virtually all the outfield players got a touch over the next 23 passes before Chappers put Sir Rickie away on the left with pass 24 and he beat the defender, got to the goal line and waited for someone to make themselves available.  Predictably, that player was Connolly, pass 25, bang, 3-0, game over, fantastic goal.

Boro had a couple of half chances in the last 10 minutes and Superkelv had to be alert to keep out a header from one of their subs but his best bit of play was to come out to the edge of his box and head a through ball straight to Fox on the left, whilst all the Saints fans in the crowd, shut their eyes and prayed.

There was still time for Steve de Ridder to come on in place of Deano and fire in a cross which Sir Rickie met superbly on the volley.  It flew like a missile, heading for the top corner until the bastard goalkeeper Steele took off and tipped it round the post again.  Annoying fucker – he was complete crap in the first half and looked completely lost and in the second half he’s Gordon Banks (the pre-car crash Gordon Banks).   Full time.

A stunningly good performance really and I really hope that moaning bastard is on talkSHITE again this week.  Maybe he can moan about his pie being too hot or the dispensers in the toilets running out of paper towels.  You sure can’t moan about the football as it was superb.   We played more long balls today than usual but this was clearly tactical as a weakness in the air at the back had clearly been identified, hence playing the tall Brazilian instead of the small Leprechaun up front.  Having said that, the long balls weren’t aimless hoofs upfield a la Allardyce and there was still a lot of play through midfield.  A 26 pass goal kind of illustrates that this team can do both.   I laughed when I saw that some Boro fans were complaining that the tackle that won the ball before the 26 passes, should have been their free kick.  Fuck me lads, you only had about 5 minutes to win the ball back before we scored.  How about blaming the defender who let Sir Rickie waltz round him.

Nigel was buzzing afterwards, especially over the performance of Chappers.  Aside from the Barnsley game where he got sent off in an act of Bald Psycho red mist, Chappers has been quality this season either when starting or coming on from the bench.  He’s played all the midfield positions as well and has set a really high standard.  The midfield was superb today with the return of Adam Lallana a major plus.  OK, he tackled himself a few times and looked a bit rusty but the panic in the opposition when he’s on the ball is what it’s all about and despite it being his first game for a while, he provided an assist for the 2^nd goal and played the pass for the Gulyman to hit the post. … and he makes Messi look shite, oh yes!.  The first time I heard that chant I thought it was about him messing with shite and I wondered how the Northam all knew about it.  Mention must go to Jose Fonte as well who I thought had his best game of the season.

As Chappers was man of the match, he got interviewed afterwards and all the internet articles have taken his quotes… and twisted them horribly.  He didn’t say anything controversial about Darren Ferguson, didn’t say anything about him being a knob or a twat or a man who is impossible to like or anything like that… but Tuesday’s match v Peterborough has meant that some quotes, probably from 2 years ago have been stuck into some articles.  Regardless of this, Fergie Lite will hopefully get a complete battering on Tuesday night.

I expect there will be a few changes with Tuesday with probably Frazer and Morgan getting in somewhere.  Go on you moaning bastard, get yourself back on the radio.

Carling Cup 4th Round - Crystal Palace 2 Southampton 0

Carling Cup, The Reserves Cup, The Fringe Cup.   Whatever you want to call it, we’re in the last 16 and three rounds away from a Wembley Final.  Birmingham had a great day out and won the Final last year... and then got relegated.... oops. 

Nigel has made the unusual step of naming James Ward-Prowse in the side, two days before the game..  He’s still 16 so it’s a massive day for him.  I’m in two minds about this as slotting him into an otherwise unchanged midfield would be ok, playing him in a team of reserves is something else...  no doubt Arsenal will have a scout watching.... just piss off.   I think these games really highlight the bare areas in our squad, centre defence and up front.  As far as I can see we have two fit centre halves unless Nigel is going to throw Harlee Dean in there instead of Big Jos and in the last round, the ‘partnership’ of Johnno Pace and Ben Reeves up front was not great.

If it was down to me I’d play one of Sir Rickie and the Gulyman up front with Johnno and have Aaron Martin and Big Jos at the back.  Also, one of the experienced central midfielders (Chappers, Morgan, Corky) in there with Ward-Prowse.  Nigel on the other hand, went with an iffy forward line of Ben Reeves and Johnno Pace with Jack Cork drafted into play centre back alongside Aaron Martin.  Harding and Butters were the full backs with Holmes and de Ridder on the  wings.  The experience in midfield was provided by 21 year old Schneiderlin.  On the bench we had some experience with Sir Rickie, the Gulyman and the welcome sight of Lee Barnard back from injury and also, untried youngsters Harlee Dean, Corby Moore and keeper Jack Dovey as Dismal Forecast has been loaned out to Shitterton in the Bevois Valley Sunday Division 7.

Saints had the first decent chance of the match with a corner being headed goalwards by Corky who beat the keeper but not the defender stationed on the line.  Ben Reeves then went close, making a chance for himself with his own tenacity and firing in a low shot which the Palace keeper held well.  Reeves was showing up well up front and put in a dangerous cross which eluded everyone before being muscled out of things in the area and unsuccessfully appealing for a penalty.  I don’t really think it was but some ref’s might have given it.   The fact that Reeves weighs about 6 stone may have contributed to him being knocked over.

We had a great chance on 25 minutes as former Skates season ticket holder James Ward-Prowse, played Johnno Pace through and after  doing the difficult bit and making space for himself, fired it straight at the keeper.  It was mainly Saints for the rest of the first half but we carried little or no goal threat and his name was Johnno.

Jermaine Easter came into the game for Palace at the start of the second half, having a couple of snap shots which flew over the bar but nothing much happened until the hour mark when a fine Harding cross went onto the head of Johnno Pace and you can guess the rest – needless to say, the onion bag wasn’t involved.

On 70 minutes, Nigel had seen enough and Johnno was put out of his misery and replaced with lee Barnard for his first action of the season.   Not that it was Barney’s fault but impact sub worked in the negative and it took all of 3 minutes for us to fall behind as Corky’s attempted clearance sliced its way to Williams on the right wing and his cross was swept in by Darren Ambrose from close range.  The goal brought more action on the bench and Sir Rickie and the Gulyman came on for the tiring Reeves and the ineffective Holmes who as ‘ineffective’ implies, hadn’t achieved very much all game.

Again, our substitutions coincided with a Palace goal as Williams, who was going away from goal on the left hand side of the penalty area, was needlessly and clumsily tripped by Harding for the easiest decision this ref will ever have to make.  Bart dived right and Easter put the ball to his left to make it 2-0 and game over.

Sir Rickie had a go from a free kick which was held by the keeper and a Gulyman snap shot was shoved over by a combination of keeper and the cross bar.  Too little too late and out we went.

It’s hard not to be disappointed a bit at going out of a competition but we as supporters have to accept that the club has different priorities this year, however, I feel that just by having either the Gulyman or Sir Rickie up front instead of Johnno would have won us the game.  I guess our job is to support whatever team and players are representing SFC and over 2,500 did that on a crappy night in South London which is a fantastic effort.  As you can doubtless tell from this crappy blog entry, I wasn’t one of them and as I was skanking away at a Specials gig with thousands of other 40+ year olds, I didn’t have the insight of Merrington to fall back on.

Nigel’s interview said a lot as he was a bit negative which stands out because he very rarely is.  He said that some players didn’t do themselves any favour today and I think we can assume he’s talking about Johnno Pace, Lee Holmes and Steve de Ridder as he criticised our lack of goal threat whilst exonerating Ben Reeves who was the only other player in an advanced position.  James Ward-Prowse was picked out for praise and it does seem to have been a very confident debut for the lad.  The Skates were annoyed when Alex Chamberlain slipped through their net so it’s nice to have another one do the same.

Middlesbrough at home on Saturday and I think we may see just a few changes.  If Jose Fonte is not fit then expect Aaron Martin to play  as we have no one else and maybe Lee Barnard will make the bench which may have the effect of sparking David Connolly back into goalscoring form.   Morgan or Deano in midfield is another question and I expect the Frenchman to get the nod after a decent performance tonight.  A win on Saturday and resting a load of players tonight will be justified, anything less and we may be looking at the game Crystal Palace get in the Quarter Finals of the Carling Cup and wondering what might have been.

Draw a blue line under it and move on.

NPC Match 13 - Reading 1 Southampton 1

Heather Reflects on Another Shite Free Kick

Reading away at the John Madejski Ego Trip Stadium. Apparently we won here last time we played here with two goals from one of my all-time most hated Saints players, Bollocks Wright-Phillips. Oddly enough I’d forgotten that one but remembered Cup trips to Elm Park when we were in the Prem when we invariably played shite and lost and I invariably got soaked, watching from the open terrace. It’s a tough one today as Reading started the season poorly but are on a 6 match unbeaten run and they have some decent players. As well as the decent players they have Joseph Heather Mills, so called because he’s completely one footed. They signed Heather from us in the close season and to be fair, I thought he got a bit of a raw deal from us and found it a bit odd that Nigel Adkins had him on loan at Scunthorpe, then as soon as he got here it was obvious that Mills face didn’t fit. Here’s hoping he has a shocker and proves Nigel right.

Our win against West Ham has made everyone sit up and take notice, even the media and there have been a lot of decent articles on us and Nigel in the past 3 days. All good stuff but it’s odd that it took the beating of the divisions glamour London team to do that. I mean, look at the League Table guys. The positive press and the law of sod means that we are more likely to fall on our faces today and Nigel has made just the one change from Tuesday with Jack Cork coming back in for Morgan who drops to the bench.

Today I am attempting to watch a stream of the game on the Internet and am hoping that my shite broadband speed, ironically provided by Sky (1MB when they advertised 4MB) will do the business. A double click here, installing a bit of software there and winning 4 ipads later… and I’m in, dismayed to find that Peter Beagrie is a studio ‘expert’ along with my favourite Saints pie man of all time, Graeme Murty.

Saints start well with Chappers coming off the left wing with intent and linking up well with Connolly, whose return ball is just a bit too far in front of him and the ball ends up with the keeper as Chappers slides in. It’s all a bit frenetic for the first 10 minutes with us struggling to get going against a clearly fired up Reading side.

There’s a talking point on the quarter hour as a ball forward bounces up and Fonte sticks a hand up in basketball fashion. Was I the only one who saw the blatant shove in the back as he went up for it… I mean, I saw it in real time and it should have been our free kick. However, the ref gives Reading a free kick and Jose gets booked with much studio debate as to whether he should have been sent off or not. Personally, I have no idea why he was waving his hand at it but it was a foul the other way, end of. Heather fancies writing a headline but his free kick flicks off the wall for a corner.

He’s a good player with a silly name and Jobi McAnuff breaks down our right with Frazer in full Golac mode on the right wing. He works his way along the line and somehow squirts the ball across despite the attentions of Fonte and Superkelv but Fox gets back to clear from in front of our goal. We’ve stopped playing altogether and now it’s like the fucking Alamo with Superkelv standing between us and a right Royal Shafting. First he saves a low shot from Church following an intercepted pass from Bald Psycho and then superbly tips over Leigertwood’s shot from 30 yards after a poorish clearance from Big Jos. Le Fondre is next in line for a shot but Superkelv is out to block again.

The best we can manage is to win a corner which is cleared back to the Gulyman who crosses about 2 yards behind Sir Rickie, whose over head kick is not the best. Cue commentators saying that Lambert should have done better from there. How exactly? Fucking ball was miles behind him and six feet off the ground.

Thank God for half time and the chance for Nigel to work some magic to improve what was a pretty lacklustre performance. Peter Beagrie at half time was making me pine for Merringtitus – he was that bad. What the fuck has he got to do with Saints and Reading?

Aaron Martin is on for Fonte at the start of the second half which is apparently down to a tight hamstring and nothing to do with being generally shaky and on a yellow card. His introduction does nothing to turn the tide of the game which is inexorably heading towards our goal. Firstly, Alex Pearce, a former loanee of ours, has a header deflected wide and when the next corner comes in, Superkelv gets a bit lucky as he punches the ball backwards and over his own bar.

We take a bit of time out from continually giving the ball away to win a free kick on the right as a decent Chappers pass puts Frazer Golac away down the right and as he cuts infield past the last defender (and into the ‘what the fuck do I do now’ position) when the defenders arm come across him and down he goes. Fox’s free kick is cleared back to him and a perfect cross back in is met by the totally free Aaron Martin about 6 yards out. We needed a Ron Davies header but instead we got a Johnno Pace one as it kind of slid off his head and the keeper saved at the near post. Bugger.

David Connolly has been somewhat anonymous and it’s no surprise to see him hooked on the hour and Steve de Ridder comes on, just in time to see The Gulyman give away his usual stupid free kick for the game. Luckily for us, Heather is still on dead ball patrol for Reading and his delivery is shite.

The change has definitely improved things for Saints as de Ridder is worrying Mills at the other end and after a mazy across the pitch, he lays one off to Sir Rickie who plays in the overlapping Fox who is tackled as he’s about to shoot. Typically, we’re having our best spell and Reading get away again and Leigertwood is clumsily fouled by Deano on the edge of the box. It’s not a bad foul but it’s in the D which is probably why the yellow card comes out.

As McAnuff lines up the free kick, you get that shot on the TV where the goal looks fucking huge and so close. Bad vibes all around as McAnuff strikes it against the right hand post but the reprieve is short lived as Leigertwood reacts first and lashes the rebound past Chappers on the line who attempts a kind of sliding ninja drop kick to try and keep it out. One nil down, bollocks.

Twenty minutes to go and it goes from bad to worse when the Gulyman underhits a ball infield and Leigertwood picks it up, just before Deano, the intended recipient, comes sliding in and hoofs him up in the air. There is no point in even debating this one and to be fair, no one does as the inevitable 2nd yellow comes out. As Deano reaches the touchline, the channel on the stream changes and I am suddenly looking at a fat Spanish waiter in a Rafa Benitez fancy dress costume. This is a bit surreal. I am then looking at Spanish football on TV so I guess that’s it. Unperturbed, I try and find another stream of the game, win a couple of iPhone 4s and about 10 minutes later, I get a still frame of the action and the top left hand corner quite clearly says ‘REA 1 SOU 1’ – Get in!!!!!

What I missed was a throw in for Saints, taken by Richardson into the Gulyman who made up for his Hammond pass by dissecting the defence with a first time ball and putting de Ridder through on the right, from where he cuts inside the centre back and lashes a left footed shot in off the bar. It’s a brilliant goal.

Morgan comes on the for the Gulyman straight after the goal and there is one more alarm as Superkelv comes racing out and meets the Reading sub but mercifully he got the ball before clattering him. ‘Penalty’ said the optimistic Reading fans…. ‘Bollocks’ says I and the game end as Heather lashes a shot hopelessly wide from about 45 yards.

Boy did we get out of jail there. Outfought and outplayed for the vast majority of the game, one nil and a man down and we still got a point thanks to a great performance by de Ridder. Well done Schteve, as Schteve McLaren would say. Having implied that Reading were by far the better side (they were better to be fair), we had a few decent chances and Reading were not as threatening as the commentary on Sky would have you believe. Watching a steam on the internet is a bit of a lottery and I feel it kind of serves me right that it conked out just before we scored. Despite the de Ridder heroics, man of the match though was Superkelv who made one superb save and several solid ones to ensure we still had something to play for when de Ridder came on.

Nigal admitted that we weren’t at the races today and didn’t get going at all. I do think that a lot of that was down to the workrate of the Reading side and not many sides are going to be able to do that against us this season. Nigel has a decision to make for the next league game with de Ridder making a very strong case to get Connolly’s starting shirt. Also, any injury to Fonte is a bit of a problem as if he’s out, we only have two fit centre halves, Martin and Big Jos.  The bottom line is that we've had two difficult away fixtures at Derby and Reading and got a point in each.  The win against West Ham and a win next week at home to Middlesbrough (please!!!) will mean a decent return for the four matches.

Next up though is Crystal Palace in the Carling Cup and aside from the aforementioned centre backs, I think the team will be completely different with players such as Bart, Lee Holmes, Ryan Dickson, Johnno Pace and of course, Steve de Ridder, starting the game. We’re in the last 16 of this competition so it would be nice to progress but I just can’t see us playing many recognized first teamers.

In Nigel we trust.

NPC Match 12 - Southampton 1 West Ham 0

I laugh in the face of your 'Long Ball Manager' accusations.

This blog entry is respectfully dedicated to the memory of Martin Lawrence.

West Ham are in town for a first v second clash in front of a 32,000 crowd in what will be a massive test of our 100% home record.  If you look at their team then it really is a Premiership standard starting XI and it beggars belief how Avram Grant managed to get them relegated last year.  He did though and was soon fired as the owners coshed him over the head with a 14 inch Super Intruder Dildo from their personal collection.  The Dildo Boys really should have got Paul Jewell as a replacement for dear old Red Light Avram, as he’s got previous in their industry but instead they went for Sam Allardyce, possibly because of his ‘Big Sam’ nickname but probably because he’s a manager with a reputation for getting results.

My main memory of a game against West Ham is a 3-3 draw at Upton Park when Le Tiss scored twice and we stayed up as a result.   The other memory is of a game in the early 80’s at The Dell when they beat us 3-2 with a late winner and then ran riot down Milton Road after the game.  I was about 14 but I remember a tiny female copper confronting this massive Hammers fan and he looked down on her and yelled ‘Swallow my Cock’ at the top of his voice.  He then ran off without being arrested.  It was funny then and still is today.  In recent years I’ve found West Ham a bit of a basket case.  There was the Tevez and Mascherano thing which was obviously dodgy from the moment they walked in the door, then there was the enquiry and lies regarding Tevez and Sheffield United getting relegated which wuld have caused more outrage if it wasn’t Neil Warnock.  Then there was the Icelandic mob who nearly bankrupted them (Lucas Neill on £70k a week...), now we have the Porn Barons and the Olympic Stadium gift to bail them out and now it seems likely that it’s even more of a gift as it looks like they’ll be playing there for a paltry rent.  None of it really befits a club with great traditions and history.

To the teams and Jack Cork is on the bench to the surprise of everyone and the central midfield is Morgan and Deano.  Chappers is still on the left and the rest of the team is as you’d expect with Frazer having obviously recovered from his arse injury.  West Ham have some serious Premiership names in their ranks but they have a different dodgy keeper to usual with Manuel Almunia instead of Robert Green.  John Carew, all nine foot six of him is up front with Sam Baldock who was at the Fake Dons last year.  Midfield contains Kevin Nolan and two ex-Skates in Matt Taylor and Papa Bouba Massive Bastard.  They also have Henri Lansbury on loan from Arsenal who with his bald head and beard looks like he has his head on upside down.

We have an early scare of the worst kind when Skate Taylor fires in a shot which Superkelv keeps out well at the foot of the post.  Saints are trying to pass the ball about and West Ham are closing fast and snapping into tackles but only when we get to about 40 yards of their goal.  They defend deep and have two banks of 4 behind the ball at all times.  This means we are restricted initially to wildly optimistic efforts on goal and Deano obviously has issues with a couple of blokes in the Northam as he smashes the ball into the crowd a couple of times from 30 yards range.

So, West Ham defensive tactics are to get everyone behind the ball as quickly as possible and their attacking tactics are Hooooooof up to Carew and try and pick up the bits and pieces coming back from him or off of Fonte and Hooiveld who are coping quite well.

There’s a relatively early highlight as Skate Bastard Matt Taylor pulls up and has to be substituted after 20 minutes.  He limps off down the tunnel with 30,000 wanker signs watching him go and is replaced by Frederick Piquionne.  Is there some rule that states you have to have a certain number of ex-Skates on the pitch?  The other of course is Bouba Diop who does a decent job until he gets the ball when he will either hoof it out of play or shoot.  When he shoots the only question is whether it will go for a goal kick or a throw in.

Saints create half chances for Chappers and Sir Rickie which come to nothing and West Ham’s defenders obviously don’t trust Manuel as they give us a needless corner before standing there arguing with eachother.  We have our best chance a minute later as Faubert makes a right bollocks of a clearance and chips it up to Connolly who has more time than he realises and shanks a volley wide.

Right on half time we pass our way through again and first Chappers and then Connolly see shots well blocked by defenders and we get another corner.  Danny Fox goes over to take it and up goes Big Jos to thump it over Manuel and into the net for 1-0.  It’s somewhat ironic that West Ham give it the Hoooooof all game and then we score direct from a set piece.  Hopefully, Big Sam will be hoofing crockery all round the changing room at half time.  The whistle blows and all is well with the world, even with the Chuckle Brothers who still talk shit but they don’t moan as much.  I guess the Chuckle Brothers section will get more interesting when we fail to win a home game.

West Ham come out the better at the start of the second half and put us under pressure.  It’s nothing scientific though, hoooooof!  To be honest, it’s bollocks and we deal with it.  Back we come with some swift passing and Deano is motoring into their half when Nolan cynically hacks him down and then throws his bear out.  He has a go at Deano for (I assume) not being quick enough to get away from him and then has a go at the ref when the inevitable yellow card comes out.  Tosser.  The biggest tosser however is Baldock who tries to be clever and does a wanky little stampy foot dance as Sir Rickie is about to take the free kick but he’s only five yards away and gets booked as well.  As Sir Rickie thumps in the free kick which deflects wide for a corner, Baldock is still doing the wanky little dance next to him.  It’s some of the most bizarre behaviour I’ve ever seen on a football pitch.

Baldock is the centre of attention a minute or so later as Fonte falls over rather than deal with a big hoooooof forward and the dancing twat is now one on one with Superkelv who comes out and turns to watch Baldock’s curler land just wide of the far post.  Instead of doing a dance, he just lies on the floor with his head in his hands – haaaaaaaa.  Jose fucked up here – no question, but the Northam were brilliant, giving it a big version of ‘Jose Fonte baby’ which was superb and must have raised his spirits no end and is symptomatic of the good feeling at the club right now and the feeling that everyone is pulling in the same direction.

David Connolly worked a yard of room for himself in the box and curled just wide before hooooooof.  Baldock was clearly offside and put his hands up to acknowledge it as he ran back.  Then the little prick changed direction to run directly into Fonte and Hooiveld had to cover across to concede a corner as Carew bore down on goal.  Big Jos then managed to get himself booked for I assume, pointing this all out to the referee and not doing it in Dutch.

As we approached the hour mark, West Ham have a decent chance from a free kick as Nolan peels off the wall and gets free far too easily and hammers in a shot which Superkelv gets down and saves well.  Big Sam decided he didn’t need Bouba Diop’s brand of creativity and replaced him with Mark Noble who I always thought was a good player.  Chappers breaks forward on the right and with no support, takes the shot early in an attempt to catch Manuel out but it flies narrowly over from the corner of the penalty area.  Dan Harding is warming up and Chappers leaves his final mark on the game by clattering into the back of Lansbury, winning the ball but haven’t been able to tackle like that since the 90’s and off he goes after another really good performance.

It should have been game over almost immediately as Saints carve open the Hammers defence and Morgan plays the Gulyman clean through but Manuel comes flying off his line to save with his legs.  Bastard.  A couple more substitutions as Saints replace Connolly with Cork who goes to the right of midfield with The Gulyman up front.  West Ham take Carew off which is a massive relief as he’s been a pain in the arse.  Maybe the Hoooooof will stop now but I doubt it as Piquionne has gone up front.

Jack Cork has a nightmare first couple of touches – presenting the ball to the opposition and then repeating the trick by selling Frazer short and he ends up carting the Hammers player up n the air.  From the free kick, Noble goes for the top corner and Superkelv gets up to tip it over the bar. From the corner, we nearly get undone as Faubert’s cross from the right, deflects off a defender and hits the far post to expelling of air all round.

Five minutes to go and my pet hate happens – people are leaving with the game still in the balance  and then compounding the error by stopping in the gangways to watch something happen on the pitch, blocking the view of the remaining fans…. so sorry if you’re the bloke I told to “fuck off and keep moving you twat”.  Another sub as the Gulyman departs to be replaced by Steve de Ridder who, as always, has an impact.  Firstly he takes a pass from Sir Rickie before chipping in a shot which the frantically backpeddling Manuel turns over the bar.  Then he pulls out what can only be described as a shit tackle on a defender and deservedly gets booked.

The referee then makes himself no friends by giving a foul when Harding was tripped, without waiting to see that the ball had gone through to de Ridder who’d squirted it past Manuel and into the net.  Nigel is doing something resembling the pogo on the sideline but to be fair, I think Manuel had stopped and Sir Rickie’s subsequent free kick is well gathered.  It’s still shit refereeing though.

5 minutes says the board and so it’s time for some more Hoooooof, repelled time and again by Fonte and Hooiveld.  We play keep ball for a bit and West Ham get even more Hoooooftastic in their desperation.  It’s funny and sad to see a player as good as Kevin Nolan is meant to be, getting the ball in space in midfield and just hoofing it over the right winger for a throw in.  One final panic as Superkelv went walkabout but he came up with the ball.  Ironically, he hooooofed it downfield and the ref blew the final whistle and yessssss.

Get the fuck in there – seventeen home wins in a row.  It’s unreal, it really is.  I’m feeling completely knackered, my feet hurt and my voice doesn’t work any more and I sound a bit like a teenage boy whose voice is breaking.  Big Jos is milking the applause and well he might, he was immense today and scoring the all important goal kind of caps it all really.  We took on a team with the biggest resources in the division, the most Premiership experience in the division and arguably, the most experienced manager in the division and we beat them... and there was only one team trying to play football out there.  Hooooof!!!

For Nigel – any criticism that may have come his way for changing the midfield was stifled by the fact that we won and the performances of Deano and Morgan in the middle.  Chappers was huge out on the left and the Gulyman seemed to raise his game for the big occasion.  Danny Fox is improving all the time and had a really solid game, as did Frazer who had no arse related problems at all.  The centre backs though were immense and Carew must be a nightmare to play against but in the main they coped really well.  Superkelv was back, replacing Indecisivekelv and Flappykelv and made some very important stops though he did almost give me a heart attack when he went for that ball with his feet in the last minute.

West Ham – bloody hell.  I kind of hope the end justifies the means for them as their fans are going to struggle to watch that all season.  Shocking play straight out of the dark ages but it’s pure Allardyce.  It made me laugh when he was at Newcastle, another club with ‘good football’ traditions, when he defended himself against accusations of just being a long ball manager.  He was sacked after about 10 games at Newcastle as they couldn’t stand it.  He’ll get away with it at West Ham if they go up but that style in the Premiership will see him at the Job Centre again.  Having said that, West Ham have got the players now that really should be playing better football and winning in the Championship.

It was a bit of a shock on the way home to realise that we are five points clear at the top as Middlesbrough and Derby lost and drew respectively so West Ham remained in second place.  Bloody hell.  As Nigel said in his post match interview – it’s a quarter of the season gone and there’s a long way to go.  It’s bizarre being a Saints fan and knowing we can lose our next match and still be top by two points.  Our next match is on Saturday, away at Reading, which is a place where we have traditionally lost badly.  Hopefully Adam Lallana will be back and hopefully, we’ll be eight points clear come Saturday…. and I’ll win Euro Millions on Friday.

==================================================================================

Back in time when I was still young and fit enough to play football, I ran a side which at various times, contained 4 Hammers fans: Glenn, Shaun, Gary and Martin.  Martin passed away a couple of years ago which was a huge shock as he was only 41 and this was the first meeting of Saints and West Ham since then.  I had my own personal minutes silence before the kick off in memory of a great bloke... Rest in Peace Mart.

NPC Match 11 - Derby 1 Southampton 1

Nigel's Hologram Gives Another Interview

A trip to pride Park to play Derby County who are in 3rd place in the table, just three points behind us so on the face of it, a very difficult game in store. Derby… oh yes, I remember the playoff win which was an aggregate defeat and the Derby fans being completely… interesting. It all seems such a long time ago now… Whiskey George in charge, no defenders and all that.

A full two weeks have passed since our last game and in that time, as far as SFC are concerned, it’s all been fairly quiet aside from the trial date for Lee Barnard being moved yet again. By the time this gets to court, he’ll have retired anyway and it won’t be Saints problem any more. Also, how reliable is the evidence of a load of blokes who were pissed at the time going to be about two years after the event?

In the great wide world of football, England have qualified for the European Championships after a glorious exhibition of football against Montenegro in which Rooney got sent off for taking a kick at someone. He of course, has been banned for the first three games and everyone is saying we should still take him…. Fuck off!!! There are loads of reason why not to take him but the obvious one for me is that he was useless in the last tournament and got sent off in the one before that so leave the twat behind. Talking of twats… Carlos Tevez. Breaking news as the Derby game approached was that Steve Cotterill has left the Skates and joined Forest. The Cotterill Comedy Corner has been a regular highlight of my Saturday afternoons for a while now and I’ll miss it. Forest certainly have the Midas touch with managerial appointments as they got Schteve McClaren last time. As for the Skates, lets hope they get some Russian no one has heard of or better still, appoint Stuart Gray who is their current caretaker.

To today and Nigel Adkins has a problem with Adam Lallana not being fit. With Lee Holmes being half decent in the last game, one might expect him to play but he’s not even made the bench and instead, Nigel has decided with need some Bald Psycho from the start this time out on the left with Morgan preferred to Deano in the middle. The rest of the team is as expected with Harding returning to the bench.

Bearing in mind that we have made ropey starts in the last few away games, it’s frustrating and annoying that after 3 minutes of this one, we are 1-0 down as Morgan and Corky combine to give the ball away on half way but the danger should really have been averted by Jose Fonte who instead of hoofing it into touch, tried to tackle the man and keep it in play. Unfortunately, the ball rebounded to a Derby player who cut in and this eventually led to a shot which Kelvin parried it out to Robinson who tapped into the empty net. TV replays confirmed later that Robinson was offside on the original shot so the goal shouldn’t have stood but the fact is that it was an easily defendable goal and we blew it again.

To Saints credit, this is more or less the last we hear of Derby as at attacking force for the rest of the first half as Saints set about passing them to death. We have a couple of half chances with both fall to Chappers and our first really decent chance falls to the Gulyman who, after a slick passing move (phrase borrowed from my ‘Daily Echo Football Reporting for Beginners Manual’), gets a cute pass from Chappers and curls one for the far corner which is well tipped round by Thingy, the England squad goalkeeper who no one has heard of.

Merringtitus is outraged when a Gulyman corner is met by Fonte whose header is blocked on the line by Steven Davies. Handball!!! Screams my radio but it really isn’t, unless he has an extra arm growing out of the middle of his chest. Derby are beginning to panic a bit with the defending and Roberts hoofs Connolly up in the air as he turns him to give us a free kick 25 yards out. Derby put about 14 players and a few ball boys in the wall and Sir Rickie scuffs it along the ground, into the wall from where it rebounds to Chappers who had obviously been watching too much Rugby World Cup as he leans back and fires over the bar from the edge of the box.

Half time and still 1-0 down despite having about 80% possession since Derby scored. A strong start to the second half was required and we were still passing it around in patient fashion and created a chance for Sir Rickie who shimmied (yes he did) his way into the penalty area and curled it too close to Thingy who made a comfortable save. In truth, he should have foregone the shimmy and just lashed it with his left foot.

On the hour mark Nigel decided to try and change the games, bringing on Steve de Ridder for Chappers who was in truth, a bit unlucky to be hooked. I’m not sure how much the substitution had to do with it but within a minute we were level as another passing move ended with a 1-2 between Sir Rickie and Connolly, a waltz past the last defender and Sir Rickie buried the shot past Thingy and into the far corner – great finish and totally deserved.

The Solent boys on the radio are reporting that Frazer Richardson has an arse injury but they are going out of their way to avoid saying ‘buttock’ as well as ‘arse’, ’bum’, ‘butt’, or ‘ringpiece’. Eventually they settle for ‘Glute’ as the full back flies past Frazer and his injured arse and fires in a cross which causes much diving about on the floor and flapping in our penalty area before Robinson’s shot hits Morgan and is cleared. Soon after, Deano is on in midfield and Corky goes to right back as his arse is in perfect working order.

We have got the goal after dominating for an hour and then, for some reason, Derby have come back into it again. It’s very end to end for a bit with no real clear cut chances but then there’s a longish break as Fonte goes up with Davies for a routine challenge and the Portuguese Man of War wins the header and Davies is left on the ground with a nasty looking dent in his forehead. Ouch…. No matter how many times I watched it afterwards, I really couldn’t see how it happened.

Dave is getting Merringtitus over Derby attacking down our left and Nigel is obviously on Dave’s wavelength and replaces the Gulyman and brings on Dan Harding on the left wing with de Ridder moving to the right. Derby have a half chance which will go down officially as ‘cleared off the line’ by the Gulyman when it fact, the header from Shackell just floated towards him and it would have hit him if he hadn’t headed it.

We have our obligatory last second chance as de Ridder, who is causing panic every time he gets the ball, digs out a great cross from the right which picks out Sir Rickie beyond the back post. His header back across is just behind Harding and just a bit too far in front of Deano and Derby smuggle it away. There then follows a clueless Radio Solent inquest into why Sir Rickie didn’t head at the goal which he’d never have scored in from where he was. He’d have had to have fucking curled it round the near post, off his head.

Final whistle and a hard earned point on the road. On the balance of play we deserved to win but overall, you’ve got to be happy with a point against a team just two places behind you. Positives today were the performances of Corky and Chappers in midfield and Steve de Ridder made a difference when he came on. Man of the match though was Sir Rickie, who was in superb form and the Derby defence really didn’t know what to do with him.

Nigel did his usual in the post match interview and ignored every question he was asked and talked about the club as a whole and how we try and play. I am developing a theory that Saints don’t send him out for post match interviews but instead send a hologram which is pre-programmed, allowing Nigel to take care of business. Unusually for us, we managed to pick up four bookings today with Fox, Fonte, Morgan and Sir Rickie all seeing yellow suggesting over-zealous refereeing in a game with little or no malice.

Up next we have a massive game against West Ham on Tuesday which doesn’t give much time for Adam Lallana’s foot and Frazer’s arse to make a recovery. Look at West Ham’s line up and it’s full of Premiership players and of course, they have Big Sam as manager. He’ll be hoping that Carew, Cole, Nolan, Noble, Collison and all that will fancy facing the full force of Saints at SMS on Tuesday… and they still have Robert Green in goal who I will never forgive for that goal he let in at the World Cup when I taught my kids some new swear words. First v Second, bring it on!!!

NPC Match 10 - Southampton 4 Watford 0

First Charlie Sheen, Now Sir Clive....

(Didn't work when you were our coach did it?)

Hot on the heels of the Cardiff defeat comes a return to SMS for the visit of Watford, a team that prompts memories that are mainly bad. I was there in the 80s when we lost that game 7 fucking 1 having won the 1st leg 4-0 at The Dell and I was also at SMS three years back when our team of warriors were sent into battle by General Jan Poortvliet and were completely gubbed 3-0 and missed two penalties along the way with (if memory serves) David McGoldrick pulling out a ‘wouldn’t have reached if he hadn’t saved it’ effort and Paul Wotton hoofing one which hit the keepers knee. I think it was probably the worst game in what was a season full of them. Shite days indeed.

Hopefully Saints do not have a hangover from Cardiff which just leaves me with one from one too many beers the night before. My mood if not my head is helped by the scorching sun which to the amusement of my fellow Kingslanders, is right in the faces of Nicola Cortese and all those in the posh seats in the Itchen Stand. As I had a hangover, my Dad was a bit worried about me chewing out the Chuckle Brothers but he was saved as the whiny one wasn’t present which meant the moronic one wouldn’t be as irritating as he had no one he knew to listen to his unfunny shit.

Nigel has realised that Saints lose when Dean Hammond doesn’t play and so he’s recalled in place of Schneiderlin and there is one enforced change with Connolly out injured and being replaced with Steve de Ridder, getting his first League start. Watford feature a striker called Marvin Sordell who we were rumoured to be interested in a while back. We didn’t sign him and so not signing the player that no one had heard of was used as something to moan about as the transfer window closed.

As the game kicks off it’s obvious that Nigel has been reading this blog and taking notice as de Ridder is on the wing and the Gulyman is up front with Sir Rickie. It is Watford who have the first chance however as Hogg manages to find about 3 square acres of uninhabited space near the penalty spot and when the ball arrives he luckily played an airshot and fell on his arse. The ball comes back to him though and his snap shot is too close to Davis who swallows it up. Hogg was on loan at the Skates last year but no one gives a shit really and he doesn’t get booed, just sniggered at. No doubt that Watford are the better side at the moment and nearly take the lead as Hooiveld and then Fonte fail to clear and Garner’s lob is just low enough for Davis to flip over the bar.

Watford have a big ugly bloke at the back who looks a bit like that Nikolai Valuev, the Russian 7 foot boxer monster who David Haye beat. A ball chipped forward finds Valuev trying to get signals from his brain to his feet and he presents Sir Rickie with the ball who sends de Ridder away on the right. De Ridder carried it forward and chipped it to the back post where Sir Rickie went up with 2 defenders and everyone ended up in a heap on the floor. The ref took a second and awarded us a penalty for handball. TV replays confirm nothing obvious so you have to say we’re a bit lucky here. It’s another penalty against Watford but isn’t it nice not have McGoldrick on the pens… Sir Rickie, bang, 1-0.

It’s nearly 2-0 five minutes later as the Gulyman found himself on the wing and fires in a low cross which Sir Rickie steps over and the onrushing Lallana smashes against angle of post and bar and it rebounds about 30 yards back up the pitch. Bit of a shame that as it would have been a spectacular goal.

Corky succeeds with his second attempt at getting into the referees book and gives away a free kick which Watford make a complete farce of. Straight off the training ground indeed. Watford are proving to be stubborn opponents but are not seriously threatening to equalize and so we arrive at half time at 1-0.

There have obviously been words spoken at half time as we come flying out the traps with much more urgency. There has been some tinkering with the formation with a front three which seems to have de Ridder and Sir Rickie on the wings with the Gulyman up the middle but the movement of the three of them is giving Valuev some brain ache. Frazer Richardson is having another field day on the wing evoking memories of Ivan Golac on the rampage and he gets to the line before standing up a great cross to the back stick where Sir Rickie is clumsily taken out in mid air by Mariappa who then sits on him for good measure, not even complaining about the decision. Groundhog day, bang 2-0 and “we are top of the league” chant the Northam and who can blame them.

Ten minutes later and it’s personnel and formation change again as de Ridder is replaced with Bald Psycho who gets put in a much more advanced midfield position than usual. It’s one way traffic at this point with Chappers showing up well in midfield but it’s Adam Lallana who creates goal number 3 by teeing up The Gulyman who passed it into the far corner. If he was any more laid back about that finish, he’d have been smoking a spliff on a deckchair on a beach in Rio. Great goal.

It’s looking like the score could be anything by now as Watford are chasing shadows and then they make my day by bringing on Chris Iwelumpo who is to football what Steve Cotterill is to football management. Sir Rickie nearly completes his second successive home hat-trick when he smashed a shot into the side netting from 25 yards. We do have a slight scare when Lallana plays Fox into the brown stuff with a poor pas but Fox doesn’t help himself by gifting the ball to a forward when he should have hoofed it into the crowd, called Adam a rude name at got back and defended. The Watford forward cut in and fired at the near post but Kelvin was Super again and made a decent save.

Morgan is on for Corky to ensure he doesn’t get sent off and it’s the Chappers show for a while as he fastens onto a Sir Rickie flick from a Hooiveld cultured hoof forward and crashes a left footed volley back off the far post in another yeahhhhh-ooh-sit-down moment. It’s Frazer Golac’s turn next as he runs the full length of the pitch before not knowing what to do and hammering in a shot which Gilmartin beat away. Chappers is at it again a minute later as Lallana slips in a cross from the left and Chappers sticks out a leg and diverts it goalwards but it hits Gilmartin’s foot and bounces clear.

Five minutes to go and Lee Holmes is on for Lallana and his first League action of the season, looking determined to put the ‘impact’ into ‘impact player’ which he duly does, cutting in off the right wing and firing in left footed from the edge of the box. To be honest, the keeper made a bollocks of it as it flew underneath him but a popular goal for a guy who deserves a bit of a break. 4-0

And that was that and a record number of consecutive home league wins which now stands at a very high number which I can’t remember or be bothered to look up. We were a bit ropey in the first half and got the break with the first penalty but in the second half we were pretty close to brilliant and it was great to watch. I said this last week I think but the strength from the bench is quite something with Chappers and Holmes being excellent when they came on. Also today we coped with the absence of Connolly and the Gulyman put in a decent shift up front.  It would be nice though to have Lee Barnard fit so we didn't have to mess the established team around in order to cover one player missing.  Danny Fox had his best game so far for Saints and it's good for the defence to get a clean sheet and in the main look pretty solid. 

We’re at another international break and we are top of the league by 2 clear points as everyone beneath us seemed to get it wrong again. Middlesbrough are second and are undefeated but they seem to draw 0-0 every week which must be great to watch. In other Championship news, Sunday saw Forest lose again and Schteve McLaren resigned with the usual bellyaching about not signing players blah blah blah. How about coaching the players you have you muppet. It’s also worth noting at this point that we are 13 points ahead of the Skates which gives you a nice warm feeling.

Nigel was buzzing after the game with the quality of the second half performance and he has every right to be. I’m not sure when 10 games became the point that you judged how good your start was (probably some bollocks that Alan Hansen said on Match of the Day) but Nigel seems very keen on it. It’s worth remembering though that we have 36 games to go which seems like a hell of a lot.

See you 10 days, Derby away is up next followed by a real test to the winning run at home, West Ham and their owners, the Dildo Boys, trying desperately to get into the Premiership so they will maybe half fill their virtually free new stadium next year.

Let’s go watch some rugby. Swing Lowe, Swing Rupert Lowe etc… ha ha!

NPC Match 9 - Cardiff 2 Southampton 1

Bollocks!!!!

Cardiff away on a Wednesday night and miraculously, going into the game we were still top of the league. At one stage on Tuesday it looked like we’d be 4th but West Ham, Derby and Brighton all contrived to throw points away and so we stayed where we were, with a game in hand no less. Cardiff away is going to be difficult though as Malky MacKay has quickly moulded together a decent side given that he’s a new manager and they lost a load of players in the summer.

It’s our first visit to the Cardiff City Stadium which has replaced Ninian Park and also doesn’t have any corporate branding which is nice in this day and age. No King Power bollocks for these boys. Cardiff have been a bit odd in recent seasons including ‘doing a Pompey’…. Broke and not paying their bills, but hiring players on ridiculous salaries like Craig Bellamy. Sanity seems to have prevailed now and fair play to them.

Nigel Adkins made his first significant team change of the season by leaving Dean Hammond on the bench and recalling Morgan Schneideriln on the back of his goal against Burnley. Personally, I would have thought Chappers was more deserving of a start but he was once more on the bench with Steve de Ridder. Despite his half time withdrawal up at Burnley, the Gulyman was still in the side.

Saints start well and string together a 20 odd pass move which if truth be told, is more sideways and backwards then actually threatening the Cardiff goal. Despite the pretty passing, it’s a pretty dull start as Cardiff concentrate on closing us down and waiting for us to fuck something up which we duly do when Davis plays a short one to Cork that puts him right in the shit and he’s robbed by Cowie, whose shot is deflected wide. Two corner fizz across without undue alarm, other than the stress levels of the supporters being tested.

Jose Fonte is the captain in the absence of Deano and he’s revelling in the authority and the fact that he can argue with referees today. We finally create a decent chance worthy of the name as all the forward players combine to give the Gulyman a chance which he smashes into the side netting.

When we played Birmingham a couple of weeks back, much of the chat after the game was about not giving away cheap free kicks on the edge of our area. I think we can safely assume that when the team talk was given about this, the Gulyman’s interpreter was on holiday. Either that or he translated “don’t give away stupid fucking free kicks” as “free kicks for pushing someone over in the D, are cool as it’s not a penalty and Kelvin will save it anyway”. Luckily, the Gods were smiling and Whittingham’s free kick hit his own player who was in the wall and went wide. This kind of summed up the first half which ended 0-0.

Saints are positive at the start of the second half and enjoy their best period of the game. Ten minutes in and Corky shoots and sees it blocked with a suggestion of arm. Merringtitus is suggesting that it was a penalty with “let me explain for the listeners what happened there…..” and we’re 1-0 down. It’s a shit, amateur hour, Sunday morning pub league goal as the keeper has wellied it forward and Kenny Miller has stuck his head in where it might hurt and nodded it past the flapping Davis who got his charge from the line completely wrong. It’s bollocks, it really is.

Steve de Ridder comes on for Connolly straight away and the winger is put up front as Nigel doesn’t seem to trust him yet on the wing. He immediately puts Morgan clean through on the keeper but there is no way Morgan is going to score twice in a week and it hits the keeper and trickles wide. Big chance…gone.

A minute later we were right in the shit as Hooiveld attempted to pass out of defence and it got intercepted, one pass and Miller is though on goal and he really isn’t going to miss. 2-0 and 27 minutes to go.

Saints give it go though, led by Frazer Richardson who whips in a perfect cross onto the head of Sir Rickie who rivals his miss against Burnley by heading wide when it looked easier to score. It’s just not going to happen is it…

We are given 20 minutes of Bald Psycho in place of Corky and Chappers soom fires just wide. He and de Ridder have put some urgency back into proceedings as Cardiff look to waste time, none more so that the ridiculously names Filip Kiss who got overtaken by 3 snails and a slug as he walked off having been substituted.

90 minutes are up and it’s still not happening when Sir Rickie tees up de Ridder who controls and fires home for his first goal in the League. Cardiff kick off and we need to get the ball off them and ….. fuck it, full time. The final whistle goes and we’ve lost. Stats I’m sure will show that we bossed possession and all of the areas aside from the one’s that matter – both ends of the pitch. Put simply we missed too many chances and gifted two goals. If a team is closing you down quickly as they tend to do when you’re away from home, surely fannying around in defence is not the way to go. There has got to be a time to just lump it up to the centre forward and battle for it. The two main incidents of us pissing about were Davis at the start of the game when you really should not be taking any chances and Hooiveld for the 2nd goal when we should have been keeping the back door firmly shut as we looked for an equalizer.

I know that it’s ridiculous to get too hung up on the league table after 9 games but incredibly, we’re still top despite dropping 5 points in the last 2 games. It illustrates what a tough league this is I guess with none of the top 6 winning their midweek games. We have some serious work to do though, especially in away games where we have 1 point out of the last 9. I feel that having The Gulyman and Lallana on the wings in away matches makes us too open so one of them or Connolly has to be on the bench. We need Chappers for his energy and snapping into tackles and we also need some pace, not some Johnno Pace but Steve de Ridder being used more often so we can stretch teams out.

Nigel almost shrugged this one off but he can’t have been happy with the sloppy play at the back from Davis, Fox and Hooiveld, nor the wastefulness in front of goal from Sir Rickie and Schneiderlin in particular. He won’t panic but I think there will be some ears burning before the Watford game at SMS on Saturday.