NPC Match 8 - Burnley 1 Southampton 1

Formerly Burnley, now a Saint

In the two days between the Carling Cup win and the Burnley away match, there was just time for Dean Hammond to sign a new contract, becoming the latest player to confirm that he likes what’s going on here at the moment.

It’s the start of a busy week for us with this game, Cardiff away and then Watford at home. We’re top of the league now and if we can still be there after the Watford match then that would be signal a pretty bloody good start to the season. I reckon we’ll need 6 points from the 3 games for that to be a reality so you have to bank on getting 3 of them today against a Burnley side who have struggled so far having lost a few players in the summer, including of course, Danny Fox who is in our side today. It’s also claimed that they lost Jack Cork to us as well but this is of course, bollocks. We signed him from Chelsea as no one else made a bid for him.

Nigel has reverted back to his League line up for this match meaning 10 changes from the team v Preston but none whatsoever, including the bench, from the Birmingham game last Sunday. Burnley have a decent couple of strikers in Jay Rodriguez and Charlie Austin. The former allegedly turned down a move to us and the latter always scores against us. They are of course managed by Eddie ‘Bournemouth for Life’ Howe who has a demeanour that makes Morrissey seem cheerful whose cheefulness must have been tested by players being sold from under him in the summer.

As kick off nears, I’m in my usual away game situation of listening to the radio, about to receive the first exposure to Merringtitus. Big Dave used to play for Burnley of course and Laurence Herdman talks to him about that. Dave talks about the Burnley people demanding good football which they may well have done when Dave was a player, back in the days of German bombs dropping on factories.

In a fairly even start it was Saints who provided the first excitement as Fox went down the wing and delivered a cross which Sir Rickie should have headed at goal but nodded it down to the Gulyman whose effort was blocked. Burnley’s first chance was all of our own making as a suicidal short ball from Davis was intended for Cork but intercepted and Fonte was forced to block the subsequent effort from Austin.

Davis was at it again a while later with a big flap at a cross from our right which ended up being returned from the left and we got very lucky as the ball flew off a Burnley forward who saw it late and therefore stabbed it wide. Saints were struggling to get a foothold on the game and Corky had obviously had a dream last night that he scored from 40 yards against his former club but sadly his effort was crap.

Another having fun against his former club was of course Danny Fox who was getting booed every time he got the ball. Having a minor handbags incident with Trippier probably wasn’t the best way to endear himself further to the Turf Moor faithful.

Richardson and Fox were providing well from the full back positions and from a Richardson delivery from the right, Lallana found space and demonstrating Johnno Pace heading technique by sliding one off his face and wide. Merringtitus is raving about the performance of Big Jos in the back 4 and opining that he is improving every game, whilst also ont being too complementary about the contribution of the Gulyman who has spent 45 minutes giving the ball away. Another thing to mention about the radio commentary was the performance of the main commentator (Herdman I think) who kept referring to Burnley as West Ham, I assume because they had a couple of ex-West Ham players and they play in claret and blue. Talk about Amateur Hour.

And so ended a half with plenty of endeavour from both sides with little or no efforts on goal. Nigel had obviously had thoughts along the line of Big Dave and so the Gulyman did not appear for the second half and it was time for some more ex-Burnley players as on came Bald Psycho, meaning a try out of the infamous narrow midfield.

The plus side of the formation is that you gain more control in the middle of the pitch but the downside is that your full-backs can be horribly exposed when no midfielder gets far enough across to help them out. For the first 10 minutes of the second half we only seem to be getting the negative side of the equation as cross after cross flashes across our goalmouth whilst Kelvin remains resolutely nailed to his goal line like the Monty Python Dead Parrott.

The seemingly inevitable happens as a cross is boomed over from our right flank, Big Jos doesn’t get off the ground and is beaten in the air by Rodriguez and the knock down is forced home by Austin who managed to score from behind Fonte who seemed to be ball watching. Bugger, 1-0 down.

Burnley haven’t won at home all season and the realisation that thay might be on their way seems to grip them as Saints come roaring back, led by Frazer Richardson who cut onto his left foot before hammering in a low shot which Grant pushed away, getting lucky that it didn’t fall to an onrushing Saint. It’s Frazer again a minute later as Connolly cleverly plays him in down the line and he produces a peach of a cross which Sir Rickie would usually bury in his sleep but this time he thumped the header into the ground and up and onto the bar. It’s a pretty bad miss to be honest.

Despite the close shaves, Nigel isn’t happy and so Morgan Schneiderlin comes on for Deano. The chances keep coming as Fox digs out a great cross which again slides off Lallana’s forehead and goes wide. Adam makes it a hat-trick of crap headers a few minutes later as Fox this time puts it right on his forehead and this time the header is met correctly but directed a foot wide of the post.

Danny Fox knew that if he kept going down the wing and getting crosses in that sooner or later, one of them wouldn’t go to Adam. There was 10 minutes to go when Fox crossed, Sir Rickie flicked on and Morgan Schneiderlin of all people, controlled before smashing it high into the net giving Grant no chance at all.

Burnley had a bit of pressure following the goal but in the main there was only one team looking like winnign it and the one chance you always get arrived in the 90th minute as Sir Rickie played Lallana in with a lovely ball. As he went to shoot he was clearly pulled back and then shoved by Trippier which forced a tame shot which was easily saved. You have to say that it was good defending as he got away with it but in truth it should have been a penalty and would almost certainly have been a red card.

Final whistle and a draw it is. Adam Lallana isn’t finished though and manages to get himself booked for continuing the argument about the penalty he should have got. It’s an odd one really as you can evaluate the result in several ways. We were 1-0 down with 10 minutes to go, so a draw is a decent result… we had chances to win and were the only team going to win in the last 10 minutes so maybe a draw is a bit disappointing … we played a team near the bottom and only got a draw ….we played a tough Northern side in a false position and came away with a decent point. The bottom line is that we’ve got a point and we’re still top of the league so that’ll do.

Nigel took a chance at half time to try and force a win and we ended up going behind and having to save the game. Personally, I’d have left it how it was for the first 20 of the second half or just swapped Chappers for Guly and played him on the right with changing the formation but I’d rather have a manager who has the courage of his convictions and tries to be positive and make things happen, rather than one who sits on his hands until there are 5 minutes to go. The Solent guys were slagging Nigel for playing a narrow midfield and conceding the wings and us letting a goal in, whilst conveniently forgetting that it was another sub who got the goal. Eddie Howe sounded slightly less suicidal that normal in his interview as it was, according to him, their best performance of the season. Cheer up Eddie as I predict Burnley will climb the league in no time with the strikers they have and be a decent shout for a playoff place.

Of course, the goalscorer was a surprise but it shouldn’t be really. I’ve said since the first time I saw him that he should play further forward and use his ability to create and score himself. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if both Morgan and Chappers are in the team on Wednesday at Cardiff and I can see Deano being rested and today being deemed as being one too many Gulyman away day disappearing acts. In Nigel we trust for what will be our toughest game of the season so far.

Formerly Burnley, now a Saint

Carling Cup 3rd Round - Southampton 2 Preston 1

Give us a song Phil...

Carling Cup 3rd Round and a visit to SMS from Phil Brown and Preston North End, newly relegated to League 1 and obviously making it a priority to return to the Championship at the end of the season. A decent start they’ve made too and so tonight could be a tricky game.... in theory. It’s a bit said that you cannot look at league form as a guide to how a cup tie will go these days as if it was a league match, about 16 of the 22 players wouldn’t be playing.

The Official Saints website has been entirely predictable and scoured the squad for a player who used to play for the opposition. They didn’t have to look too far to come up with Chappers who managed to do a ten minute interview without mentioning Darren Ferguson once. Fergie Lite of course bombed him out of PNE, then sold him to us for a pittance and then got fired from PNE after he’d done most of the hard work to ensure they got relegated. I ended the last blog entry by stating that Phil Brown is a bit of a knob and he undoubtedly is (a perma-tanned, all singing and dancing “everybody look at me” knob) but he’s a definite improvement on Fergie Lite.

The day had not gone too well for yours truly, starting with the experience on turning up for work in Brighton and realising that I had odd shoes on. This was not good considering it was one black and one brown and not just two different black ones that I may have got away with. So, looking like an extra from Miami Vice in my squash shoes, I had to listen to the Brighton fans banging on about their tie with Liverpool when they weren’t taking the piss. Fast forward to the end of the day and it’s time to catch the 5.33 from Brighton only they’ve cancelled the bastard due to incompetence. Railway employees are programmed to say one thing when faced with a pissed off customer and that is “ticket office”. The next train was to Pompey so I managed to get Dad to pick me up at Havant at 7.10 (where I kept my SFC shirt safely hidden in my bag as I went through immigration) and we pegged it down the motorway, arriving at SMS and only missing 5 minutes.

Radio Merrington said that in fact I’d been underestimating the amount of team changes as in fact, we’d made 10 and so had they. Bart was of course in goal and the defence looked solid with Butters, Big Jos, Aaron Martin and Dicko. Predictably the midfield contained Morgan and Chappers with Steve de Ridder and Lee Holmes on the wings. Still quite a string team and then we got to the forwards of Ben Reeves making his debut and Johnno Pace. Alarm bells of the loud clanging variety. I didn’t know much about Reeves other than up until recently he’s been a left back and there was no way that Johnno was going to be any good at leading the line on his own.

Saints started well with De Ridder and Holmes looking lively and Schneiderlin and Chaplow looking dominant in the middle. Johnno Pace had an early chance to show what he could do when Martin boomed a clearance forward and Johnno let it run before making up about 10 yards on the defender and keeping the ball in. Sadly, this was to prove the highlight of his display.

When he controlled the ball properly, Lee Holmes was getting into some good positions on the left and got some crosses in but the difference between today and a League game was really noticeable. In a league game, if the left winger (Lallana) gets a cross in then the chances are that Lambert, Connolly and Gulyman would all be in the box and possibly one of Cork or Hammond as well. Today there was Johnno who can’t head the ball for shit and maybe de Ridder and that was about it. Reeves was neat and tidy but playing far too deep and we looked pretty toothless up front as a result.

We took the lead just before the half hour as Holmes took a corner from the right which flew over everyone except Reeves who had peeled away beyond the back post. His nod back across was met by Big Jos who flicked it home for his first SFC goal. Jos then got on with the job marshalling the defence which he is doing with more and more authority with the more games he plays.

De Ridder then broke away against the left back who just grabbed him and took the booking. They couldn’t live with him at all at this point and then a second Preston defender got booked for exactly the same thing. Knowing now that they couldn’t grab him again, de Ridder broke away down the right and failed to get his head up and butchered a clear chance on goal when he turned the opposite way to where Holmes and Johnno were, screaming for a pass.

We had a minor alarm right on half time when we were treated to a performance by the Flying Bialkowski Circus Act who came flying out after a corner in impressive fashion, lacking only in that there wasn’t any contact with the white round thing. The referee’s half time whistle echoed round the 24,000 empty seats and it was time to have the piss that had been required since a 5 o’clock pint on Brighton station.

It doesn’t matter what 11 players we have on the pitch, we seem to be in the habit of starting the second half slowly s it all got very scrappy. Preston managed to get in our half for a bit and somehow managed to equalize when Bart could only parry an effort and the ball seemed to squirt between 3 Saints defenders and hit a forward on the shin and bobble into the net. Ridiculous goal though I expect Phil (and his tan) was warming up his vocal chords.

The scrap continued for 5 minutes or so and it was noticeable that many of the Saints players that showed up well in the first half had disappeared. Johnno was running around up front like Forrest Gump in a perfect exhibition of how to be where the ball isn’t. Reeves was dropping deeper and deeper but not getting involved and Holmes and de Ridder had faded. What you need when the game is going nowhere is some talent to come on from the bench and luckily we had some as Lallana came on for de Ridder.

His first touch was to come off the left wing and cushion a pass to Holmes and his second was to get on the end of the subsequent cross and bury the header past the keeper to make it 2-1 making it about 45 seconds on the pitch for one goal. Well, Nigel like his subs to have an impact doesn’t he.

Big Jos appeared to go down with cramp straight after the goal and was replaced by Jose Fonte and five minutes more passed before Johnno Pace was put out of his misery and replaced with Sir Rickie. The rest of the game was in truth, played out comfortably despite Preston throwing on Neil Mellor to try and give them something up front. Chappers was getting under their skin a bit which is what tends to happen when you go into Bald Psycho mode and start leaving your foot in. It was funny seeing the Preston midfielders taking turns to try and kick him.

The expected last few minutes onslaught didn’t really happen as whenever Preston got the ball, they seemed to just give it back to us. Aaron Martin and Fonte showed up well in dealing with the few balls that were tossed into the box and the ref eventually blew to end what was in truth, a rather limp kind of game.

Well…. We won and we’re through to the last 16 which is all that matters really. The players that you knew would be decent (Hooiveld, Chaplow, Schneiderlin, Martin, de Ridder) were decent and the fringe players who don’t usually make the bench, on the whole demonstrated why. Butters and Dicko both showed flashes of good play, mixed in with extreme rustiness and a few wayward passes. Surprisingly for such and experienced player, Butters also managed to dive in and get skinned a couple of times. Ben Reeves had a decent enough debut but really tired at the start of the second half before getting a 2nd wind towards the end. He’s one of the 5ft 7inch blonde clones that Dr Nicola produces in the lab at Staplewood but he certainly isn’t a forward though and neither on tonights evidence is Johnno Pace who barely touched the ball in the second half. Lee Holmes is an odd one as he mixed up decent crosses with bad first touches but overall, I can’t see him challenging for a first team spot any time soon. Maybe he needs a regular run of games out on loan somewhere.

The draw for the next round is on Saturday, when we will be away at Burnley in the league where I expect we will see a few team changes, 10 to be exact. If I had to pick one player from today who may get a start on Saturday it would be Chappers but I can’t see Nigel changing the winning League team just yet. I wonder what Phil sang to the Preston boys on the bus home…

NPC Match 7 - Southampton 4 Birmingham 1

If Charlie Played Football.... he'd play for Saints

It’s Sunday afternoon and there is an alleged money laundering outfit on the South Coast who play in Blue. I of course, can only be referring to Birmingham City who have turned up at SMS having had a very average start to their first season back in the Championship since relegation. Bizarrely, they are in Europe this year courtesy of winning the Carling Cup last year with a completely different side and a different manager and before their owner got charged with money laundering... gone are the days when qualification for Europe would have prevented players leaving in the event of relegation. The manager now is Chris Hughton who got promoted from this division with Newcastle a couple of years ago but the relegated side he managed then, had held on to all their players so I would say that his task is tougher now and we’ll find out how good he is this time around.

The Blues had brought the rain with them – Dad and I had managed to walk across the Itchen Bridge without getting wet and we were just approaching the ground when it battered down in biblical fashion. There are several types of rain, ranging from ‘barely more than mist’ to ‘fucking hell I’m soaked’. Walking or running made no difference as within seconds you were as wet as you could possibly be.

We of course went into this Sunday match with the knowledge that if we won we’d go back to the top of the league. Not that it’s happened often in our history but the added pressure usually guarantees that we will fuck up. Not being the sort to be too worried by history, I expected us to be top come 5pm and the team I picked in my mind was the same as Nigel’s with Frazer Richardson returning to right back and Corky going back into midfield with Morgan dropping to the bench. Birmingham had a few notables with Chris Wood and Marlon King up front. Wood was of course on loan at Brighton last year and missed a penalty at SMS whilst King has had more prison terms than most players have had clubs. They also had Liam Ridgewell who scores a fair few goals for a defender but for some reason I’ve always thought that he was really thick.

It’s hammering down as the game kicks off and the first threat is averted by a sharp save from Superkelv as Wood skidded in a free kick which took a couple of deflections. Saints were trying to get their passing football going in the deluge and from our first real attack we got a corner. Danny Fox trotted over to the right to take it and as it came over, down went Sir Rickie courtesy of a double handed barge from Caldwell. It’s funny how you could tell, even from miles away that it was a penalty from the way he went down. After the predictable belly-aching to the official who, let’s face it, was unlikely to change his mind – up stepped Sir Rickie to bang it off of the left hand post (22,000 people momentarily crap themselves) and in. The chants of “we are top of the league” from the Northam Massive are a tad early I feel.

What you need when you have gone 1-0 is experienced defenders like Liam Ridgewell to keep it tight and not give anything silly away, like a free kick from a blatant barge on David Connolly. 6 foot 2 versus 5 foot 5 in an aerial challenge. Thick idiot. Sir Rickie delegated the free kick duty to Danny Fox who delegated getting it on target to someone else as he wafted it miles over the bar.

We were bouncing again in no time though as Richardson went down the wing, into the vacant space where Ridgewell should have been and crossed to where the Gulyman was and with a swivewl and a volley, the ball was on its way past Myhill and into the net for 2-0. Birmingham actually look like a semi-decent side when they have the ball but the forwards are in the pocket of Jos and Jose. I guess if they’d been girls then King could have punched them in the face, big man that he is. In contrast, a feature of our play is the superb link up play with Sir Rickie and in particular David Connolly, receiving passes to feet and making it stick, either getting fouled or ensuring we keep the ball. Connolly, despite having spent a fair time out injured is obviously not scared of a tackle and he keeps getting up no matter how many times he gets carted up in the air by agricultural defenders.

Part 2 of ‘Where is Ridgewell?’ is just around the corner as Richardson again gets to the bye line, courtesy of a lovely 1-2 with the Gulyman and crosses in for Adam Lallana to make it 3-0 just after the half hour. It’s glorious stuff – we’ve hardly had a shot aside from all 3 goals… talk about taking your chances.

Birmingham have a little spell just before half time when keeper Myhill manages to keep his kicks on the pitch instead of just hoofing them straight out on the left touchline. On 45 they get another free kick, which Wood again fizzes in low and Superkelv gathers first time with no hint of a possible spillage. Good stuff, Half time, 3-0, Chuckle Brothers talking complete bollocks, all is well with the world. The feel good factor even extends to the half time competition as ‘Annoying Bald Bloke with the Mic’ totally rigs a competition so the kid wins the signed Sir Rickie shirt instead of the adult. It’s actually quite funny for an Annoying Bald Bloke.

At the start of the second half and not for the first time, Chris Burke flopped to ground under not much of a challenge from Big Jos. It was dead centre and right on the edge of the box and even though Wood didn’t seem to hit it cleanly, the wall jumped over it and the ball nestled in the corner, giving Superkelv no chance, bugger. Birmingham inconsiderately, weren’t going to go away like they were supposed to and for the next 10 minutes, even though we kept playing, Brum had a couple of chances with Curtis Davies putting a free header over from a corner and then Stephen Carr forgot for a second that he’s 47 years old and went on a mazy down the right before crashing a shot back off the far post.

Brum’s attacking efforts were leaving spaces though and from one break, starting with Adam Lallana in his own half, Saints pinged it about and within 3 passes Adam was curling an effort just wide at the other end. Lallana is really getting into the game by now and some serious skill leaves Stephen Carr looking more like Alan Carr (ie – a complete twat). The trouble is that when you make a seasoned pro look like a mug, they inevitably steam back and cart you up in the air which is what duly happened and the yellow card was inevitable.

It’s all a bit open for mine and Nigel’s liking and so it’s time for some Bald Psycho to shut the game down as Chappers comes on for the Gulyman who must have been dreaming of Brazil and delighted to come off as it was once again, pissing down. If Chappers was supposed to shut things down then he wasn’t listening as he immediately found himself clean through but running out of angle and the danger was cleared. Saints are suddenly in full control again and calm all over the pitch – it amazes me how many times Superkelv is allowed to just pass it along the floor to either Corky or Deano to then lay it off and start another attack. Brum never seemed to get to grips with that at all and I wonder if Ridgewell is their tactician in chief.

Corky got a bit of a battering after one attack and it eventually substituted and replaced with Morgan Schneiderlin. Isn’t it great to have some decent players on the bench when you think that a few years ago, we always had some twats who were never good enough who you never felt would make things better, let alone have an impact. Morgan of course is just going to pass the ball about and enable us to close the game down.

Game over a couple of minutes later as following some excellent movement and timing of runs, Chappers fastens onto a Lallana pass with just the keeper to beat and he casually takes a touch and rolls it past him into the far corner – brilliant move, pass and finish. Love it!!!

To emphasize bench strength, on comes Steve de Ridder for Lallana and he immediately does Carr for skill who hangs onto him and pulls him down. It’s s 2nd yellow all day long but the ref inexplicably lets him off as there is only a few minutes to go. OK, it wouldn’t have benefitted us much in this game but whoever Brum are playing next week might be a bit pissed that he got let off like that. Hopefully they’re playing the Skates and if they are – well played ref.

There is still time for Connolly to be denied what looked like a perfectly good goal by an offside flag which was a shame as he totally deserved a goal for his overall play which was different class. Man of the match in my view. End of the match, 4-1, I say we are top of the league.

There were some seriously large performances all over the pitch today with no one having a bad game. I’ve already mentioned the forwards and I feel that Hammond and Cork totally dominated the midfield and Jose and Jos had Wood and King pretty much in the pocket all game. Hooiveld seemed to be getting his starting position wrong on the headers in the first half but seemed to take a couple of steps back in the 2nd and got much more distance on his clearances. He’s not bad for a Celtic reject and will do us just fine in this division. We had a couple of hairy moments in the full back positions but when you attack as much as we do, that’s always going to happen. 13 home league wins in a row – it doesn’t get much much better than this.

Nigel’s post match picked out Kelvin Davis for praise and rightly so as he was excellent today. I’m not his biggest fan by any stretch but today his handling was excellent and he did what he needed to do at all times. Adam Lallana’s interview was more interesting, pointing out that the players were disappointed to let Birmingham back into it at the start of the 2nd half and that we had to stop giving free kicks away on the edge of the box. Jos Hooiveld acknowledged the same on Twitter as well and apologised for the free kick he gave away for Birmingham’s goal. This is great stuff as it shows they’re not complacent and will sort things out.

There’s a bloke who sits two along from me who during a game is a heart attack waiting to happen. Last year he was very unsure about Nigel Adkins and with about 5 games to go, actually said “if we go up, I’d still replace the manager”. Today it was “everything he said and does, seems to have a touch of genius about it”. You can only laugh really …

We’re in action again on Wednesday night against Preston in the Carling Cup. Expect changes, expect Chappers, Schneiderlin, de Ridder, Martin, Dicko, Bartman, Johnno Pace, expect a closed Itchen Stand, expect no buses, expect it to piss with rain, expect it to be freezing, expect Neil Mellor to score against us and expect Preston manager Phil Brown to have a big tan and be a complete knob.

NPC Match 6 - Southampton 3 Nottingham Forest 2

"In a few years, I'll be a twat"

It always seem a bit stupid to me that we have games Saturday, Wednesday, Saturday, Wednesday and then nothing for two weeks. Of course it’s international week and of course, we don’t have any international players unless Barbados have a game and their star striker Johnno Pace, is required to try and score against a team of waiters from the Cayman Islands. So, what’s happened since we last played?


Well, we managed to get ourselves mentioned in a Radio Solent fans forum though bizarrely, it was one for Bournemouth. Bournemouth chairman and well known End of a Bell, Eddie Mitchell surpassed himself by telling their fans to “Go and support Southampton” if they didn’t like his way of running the club. Eddie - It’s odd that the world over, fans are never happy if all they ever see is everything that is not nailed down being sold, combined with ever worsening results. Yes Bournemouth fans should be grateful for what Mitchell did for them in the past and as long as things are moving forward then fine. That will only go so far though because as soon as things start slowing down, let alone rocketing backwards at an alarming speed – then most fans will lose the long term memory.

Also of course, the transfer window slammed shut and we acquired Jos Hooiveld, a Dutch centre half who was not getting a game for Celtic. I’ve never heard of him but then I’d never heard of Steve de Ridder either and he looks like he’ll contribute well this season. Jos is a left sided centre back and it looks like he’ll be challenging Dan Seaborne for a place but maybe not just now.

Dan of course, became the latest ‘footballer out on the town’ victim when he was discovered unconscious on the pavement outside a nightclub (Is ‘Junk’ the one that used to be ‘Burbanks’ or ‘Spermbanks’?) with a severe head injury. No specific details have been forthcoming other than mentioning progress which is thankfully being made. What the fk is going on in my town? I’m 42 and skint so my nights in town on the lash are not very frequent but have I just been living in a bubble my whole life or is it just getting worse and worse? I lived in Waterlooville as a teenager and so went out with my mates in Southsea and Portsmouth, where there always seemed to be a slight edge to things and the feeling that something could kick off. Southampton always seemed a much safer night out (my Skate mates thought so too) but now it just seems to be like a fucking war zone. A 24 year old lad has gone for a night out and has ended up in intensive care and it’s just wrong.

How Dan Seaborne is as a footballer is completely irrelevant at this point and it annoys me when I’ve seen this debated in the aftermath of this incident. Also of course, you get the internet warriors practicing for their future careers as writers for the Daily Mail, posting third hand rumours and completely made up sht. If you were there and saw it then go tell the police, if you weren’t then shut the fk up as no one with any intelligence is impressed. Best of all, I’ve read the views of people professing to be Saints fans who take the moral high ground and use this and the Lee Barnard incident as some sort of stick to hit out at the culture of Southampton Football Club. I’ve never read such utter, utter toss is all my life. To paraphrase Eddie Mitchell – “Go and support (insert club here)”.

All that matters is that Dan Seaborne makes a speedy and full recovery. End of.

Today we have the visit of Nottingham Forest who of course have the Dutch accented Schteve McClaren as manager who has a very mixed managerial record to say the least. Good at FC Twente in Holland despite the accent, average at best at Middlesbrough, terrible at Wolfsburg in Germany... and then there was England. My dislike for him started when he was No 2 to Sir Alex at Man Utd when SAF first stopped giving interviews and McClaren was wheeled out to be a smug tosser after each Man Utd victory. Anyway, far from Man Utd and England, he now presides over a squad with David McGoldrick in it, the only player I’ve ever seen have a penalty saved when the keeper had time to dive one way, get up again, walk over the other way and then pick the ball up.

McGoldrick was a sub but our team was showing a few changes. Out went the full backs and in came Danny Fox and Jack Cork got shoved to right back with Morgan Schneiderlin taking his place in midfield. Fox for Harding wasn’t unexpected but I was hoping Richardson had a minor knock and it wasn’t a case of playing a player out of position in order to shoehorn another into the side. Nigel had gone for Jos Hooiveld to partner Jose Fonte so there was 3 changes in the back 4. The bench included Ryan Dickson for the first time this season and Chappers was back as you always need a bit a bald psycho option for later in the game.

Seven minutes of nothing much and then out of nowhere and with their first attack of the game, Forest took the lead as Miller charged down the Cork-less right hand side of our team and was allowed to cross by Fonte not getting tight enough. The cross was only about 4 yards out but it took out the keeper and Derbyshire couldn’t miss. I don’t think any of our three players mentioned covered themselves in glory but it all stemmed from having a makeshift right back.

We’re reaching a level with Saints now where you know that they won’t give up and that they will come back but this time they surpassed themselves and managed it within 30 seconds and The Gulyman threaded a lovely ball through to Connolly who fired against the keeper and the ball popped up for Sir Rickie to bundle in from close range. 1-1, sit down, shut up!

For the next 20 minutes or so, we were Barcelona in red and white and we threatened to tear Forest a new one and have the brolly man doing that red face, ginger hair combination which looks so good. Excellent passing football all over the shop with both the Gulyman and Lallana looking threatening on the wings. Connolly was unceremoniously dumped on his ass on the edge of the box and Danny Fox and Sir Rickie stood over it. Danny asked if he could take it, Rickie said “do you know who I am” and curled it just over the bar.

2-1 was coming though and it arrived with a superb build up down the right hand side with Cork feeding the Gulyman whose excellent first time flick was picked up by Connolly on the right wing. His cross was flicked on by Lallana to the back post where Sir Rickie steamed in and bundled in the header despite the best efforts of keeper and defender who were both left in a heap on the ground.

Something strange happened after that as we flooded forward again and won another free kick off of the increasingly desperate Forest defenders. Sir Rickie on a hat-trick and a free kick just left of centre... here we go... and he let Fox take it, who chipped it up for Fonte to head wide. On the half hour, whilst waiting for a corner to come over, Camp on Connolly got in a bit of a spat and were warned by the ref. Camp then quite clearly makes a move to shove Connolly out of the way and they both got booked by the ref, therefore proving that he wasn’t actually watching and didn’t see it.

Whilst the Gulyman and Lallana had been great going forward, they weren’t really at the races defensively with Fox in particular being left to his own devices against two players. Regardless, it was still totally against the run of play when Forest came up with an equalizer as Miller put Derbyshire away, again down our right, who crossed for Majewski to tap in, in a virtual carbon copy of the first goal. It nearly got worse for us as Miller was put through, only to be denied by a great tackle from Fox which not only got the ball, it also made the striker throw all his toys out like a five year old when he didn’t get the penalty he didn’t deserve.

For the first time at home this season, things were not going to plan and so up piped the Chuckle Brothers with the whiny one going “I don’t like this new senner aff, why deee do thaaat” and the Moronic one trying to make an amusing anagram out of Jos Hooiveld’s name. For the record, big Jos was doing ok as Miller is a big lump. A lot of his headers were more ‘up’ than ‘away’ but at least he was getting to the ball and it looked like he could play a bit. Half time was up on us but not before Connolly ended up with the ball following a Forest defensive shocker and smashed in a shot which Camp parried away. A great half of football, only spoiled by the fact that we really should have been winning.

Miller continued being a pain at the start of the second half, getting his head on a free kick from the left and forcing the re-emergence of Superkelv as he took off to his left and pulled of a great save down at the post. It’s all Forest now with Saints reduced to playing on the break. We look dangerous when we’re attacking though and both Lallana and Schnedierlin force saves from Camp with long range blasts.

Personally I was pleased when Miller got injured and had to be replaced and on came McGoldrick. There’s always that fear that your former player (especially one you didn’t like) will come back and bite you but if you’re being logical, you remember why you didn’t like him much in the first place and that was because he was shite. Nigel decided it was time to tighten up the flanks and replaced the Gulyman with Chappers so we went to a diamond midfield with Hammond and Chappers right and left, Morgan at the back and Lallana at the front.

Saints immediately came more into the game with Deano and Chappers digging in strongly. Sir Rickie blasted in another free kick which the keeper parried out to Adam Lallana who skewed his shot wide from the edge of the box. Up the other end we were trying to give the game away as Kelvin had a mad moment. Firstly, he gave Fox a hospital pass when he had a player up his backside. Fox returned it back to him at which point, Davis should have just wellied it but no, he decided the best thing to do was to try and dribble round the onrushing forward. Needless to say he lost it and down went Derbyshire like he’d been shot. I looked at the linesman, waiting for the flag across the chest but he pointed our way so our free kick. Over comes the ref and Derbyshire got booked for diving.

Much to Forest’s amusement, we go straight up the other end and get a free kick with de Ridder (on for Connolly) being shoved over on the edge of the box. Danny Fox put over a great inswinging free kick and up went a load of players at the back post. One was head and shoulders above the other though and Sir Rickie got something on it to power it into the top of the net. Get in!!!!

He remaining 12 minutes were played out without Forest getting near our goal again, thanks to some magnificent keep ball, powered by Deano, Chappers and Morgan in the midfield. Five minutes of injury time!!!! What !!!!, No problem, 12 home wins in a row.

McClaren afterwards was predictable to say the least, bellyaching about the two stonewall penalties they should have had. Yeah, alright Schteve. The Fox tackle on Miller was 1000% not a penalty and the linesman was 10 yards away for the Derbyshire incident. Managers under pressure always pick out incidents and play the ‘unlucky’ card. Just listen to any Steve Cotterill press conference if you can stop laughing long enough to hear it properly. Today was a pretty even game but overall, I think we just about deserved to win – the stats say more shots, more on target and more corners. Schteve says Forest dominated... berk.

Nigel was delighted with the win and the application of the squad but he’ll surely know that some of the defending really wasn’t great. It turned out that Richardson was injured but no news of why Butterfield wasn’t available. Jos Hooiveld had a decent enough debut and will only get better. He didn’t really look match fit as expected but he battled through to the end and we need him to really put it in with Radhi Jaidi being injured and the Seaborne situation. On that note, the great news from Nigel was that Dan Seaborne was out of hospital and heading home which is more or less the perfect end to a perfect day.

Nigel was spot on in his assessment that Forest will be a good side in this league this season. Regardless of their current position, they are a decent side and we’ve beaten them with a makeshift back 4. Next up, Birmingham at home which is another tough one but at SMS, would you bet against us?