League 1 Match 14 - Notts County 1 Southampton 3

Never mind Incey

In the build-up to the Notts County game, there was the development that you never like to see – the opposition manager getting sacked. It invariably leads to an improved performance and SFC being on the wrong end of a beating. Of course, whenever we change manager (frequently), all we get out of it is usually a narrower defeat than last time out. The news that Craig Short had been sacked was of course, tempered by the news that Paul Ince was taking over. Incey (as his one friend calls him) had a 100% record against Saints last season – played 4, won 0, drawn 0… guess the rest. He’s got a touchline ban though, hanging over from his Fake Dons days so no one has to put up with watching his gurning, hard man, macho posturing, Guv’nor bollocks on the sidelines.

This week at SFC has again seen no arrests but it has seen a childish argument with Shrewsbury Town. In a nutshell, we drew them at home in the FA Cup and wanted to set ticket prices at £15 and they wanted them to be £25. When the FA sided with us, we released a statement, which if I’d written it, would have contained the phrases ‘taking the piss’, ‘greedy bastards’ and ‘team no one wants to watch’. As it was, the sarcastic SFC statement annoyed them enough for Shrewsbury to hit back, saying we were up ourselves as we are only 15 places above them in the League – interestingly though, they didn’t try and deny that they wanted to charge everyone £25. I’m with Don Cortese on this one as no fucker would pay £25 to watch Shrewsbury. Yeah, we didn’t need the belittling statement but it was quite funny. Don’t fuck with the Don. Surely the rule that states that both sets of supporters should be charged the same is wrong - much better to let each team charge what they like for their allocation so Shrewsbury can in future, rip off their own fans as much as they like.

Back to today and Nige had selection issues with Deano available again so one of Morgan or Chappers had to go and Chappers it was. With Chappers on the bench, sadly there was no room for the Genius of Wotton so if we needed someone taking out with a shockingly late tackle, someone else was going to have to do it. Unsurprisingly, the Gulyman was left out with Lee Barnard recalled and Punch managed to keep England U18 call up, Alex Chamberlain, on the bench. The biggest news was that Frazer Richardson was to make his first start at right back as Butters had a knock. Frazer’s wages for the past 4 months had gone on repairing his dislocated shoulder and getting him fit again in our Under 21 team, which has an average age of about 28.

Saints were brilliant for the first 30 seconds as Barnard lashed a shot over the bar and then it went downhill as County, clearly fired up for their new manager, played with a lot more urgency than we were able to muster ourselves. We let in a goal on 8 minutes which was ridiculous for a couple of reasons. One – we let Edwards have a free header in the box from a corner and two, the referee didn’t spot that a County player was holding onto Superkelv’s arm, preventing him from trying to save the header. League 1 refs are shite – we all know that so I’d like to dwell on the fact that the free header was the problem – don’t allow that and the foul on the keeper is irrelevant.

County had started to kick us off the park and the referee was consistently doing nothing about it. He then decided that it was time to take action because of the persistent fouling and booked Sir Rickie for complaining about it. Saints had the odd break into the County half and from one of these, won a free kick. From fully 30 yards, Sir Rickie hit a good one which Burch, the County keeper tipped onto the post and away. I predict that next week he will actually score from a free kick…. It’s getting closer.

From the half hour onwards, Saints were creating chances and on another day (with another ref), Hammond’s blast onto a defenders arm would have earned a penalty. A good ball from Harding to Lallana enabled Adam to cut in and curl wide of the far post when he really should have done better. Radio Merrington said it was ‘class’ which is something I have to take issue with. Something that is class, by definition, ends up in the fucking net and not slamming into the advertising boards behind the goal.

Half time and though we’d got better, I wasn’t too hopeful of turning this around. The silver lining was that County had played well with Incey in the stand and I was sure that his half time presence would mean that they were worse in the 2nd half which started with ten minutes of nothing before a break down the right and Lallana firing in a cross to Hammond who seemed to misjudge it and completely missed it. Radio Merrington described this as an appalling miss so I’ll have to take his word for it as I haven’t seen it yet. He had been wrong before though…

Following the miss, we could easily have been 2-0 down but Superkelv came to our rescue twice. It is remarkable how much easier goalkeeping is when you don’t have one of the opposition holding down your arms. More bitching about the validity of their goal (which I said I wouldn’t do) aside, we had reached, THE TURNING POINT.

Lallana slipped a nice pass through to Barnard who was taken out by County skipper Thompson… penalty. Last man and off you go – go sit with Incey in the stand. A County player thinks it’s worthwhile to try and put Sir Rickie off while he’s waiting for the ref to blow but it really isn’t… bang, 1-1. The substitutions that had been ready to be made before we got the penalty are made with Chappers and Chamberlain coming on for the ineffective Schneiderlin and Puncheon. From the kick off, the ball breaks to Lee Barnard who, judging by the booing coming out of the radio, is as popular as a cage fighter at a nightclub. I guess they think he dived which he very very clearly, did not.

Much though Barnard was hated by the County fans at this point, his popularity plumbed new depths three minutes later when instead of lashing at the goal, Sir Rickie surprised everyone by laying it across the goal for Barnard to score. 1-0 and you fucked it up. It’s not long before Barney is subbed to allow him to take a standing ovation from the County fans and on comes Bignall who is the subject of the next bit of Radio Gold when the ball is played to him and the commentator says ‘great control by Bignall, throw in to Notts County’. To my mind, any piece of control which results in a throw in to the opposition is not great.

County never really look like scoring for the remaining 15 minutes and Saints see it out quite comfortably and even have time to put the icing on the top of this particular away day cake as Adam Lallana curls one in for 3-1, following a spell of keep ball and ole, ole ole. A very nice ending to a day that started so badly. 3-1 probably flattered us a bit and I'm sure that the Notts County fans will be bitching about the turning point of the game but I have more than a sneaking suspicion that the TV replays will show, that the Notts goal shouldn't have stood and it was a penalty for the foul on Barnard and that their guy had to be sent off. Evidence of both incidents can be found here.....http://www.saintsfc.co.uk/page/Gallery/0,,10280~2202478,00.html

Bring on the Daggers on Tuesday night. Nige said he wanted two wins and we’ve done the more difficult one of the two. Now is not the time to repeat the win against Sheff Weds followed by crap draw against Yeovil. A quick peek at the League 1 table sees us now just two points off of Huddersfield in 2nd place and a quick peek in Nigel Adkins book of managerial buzzwords revels that ‘Momentum’ is the word of the moment.

League 1 Match 13 - Southampton 2 Oldham 1

D'Urso shows Man Utd who is in charge.

Back on home territory after last weeks away defeat and how would Saints react. I was hoping for a return to the style of football that blew away Tranmere in the last home game but I have a suspicion that no team will be as bad as Tranmere were. Oldham came here last year, parked the bus and got a 0-0, mainly on the back of outstanding defending by Reuben Hazell who snuffed out everything. He’s back again today along with his new manager, Paul Dickov who was known as ‘The Wasp’ when he was a player, simply because ‘The Irritating Annoying Little Shit’ wasn’t utterable until after the 9pm watershed.

It had been a quiet week for Saints with no arrests. All we had was a scare story about Lallana’s contract running out at the end of the season and we all knew that anyway. However, it was nice of the Daily Echo to make all other clubs aware of it and a rumoured £3million bid from Birmingham (probably a club and fee picked out of thin air) immediately did the rounds. Yawn! Perhaps Adam should shag a couple of tarts down Derby Road, call his manager a liar, say his team mates aren’t good enough to match his ambition and then sign a new deal as soon as more money is waved at him. However, I’m confident that Adam is a not a complete wanker like a certain shit ugly England footballer who to my mind, shouldn’t have been negotiating from a position of strength, having not had a decent game in six months.

This weeks player to be subjected to interviews was Jason Puncheon who made the usual noises about being nearly back to his best and talked of the Rochdale game when he got booed a bit. I remember that game – it was when he lashed two sitters so high that they would have hit the gasholders if the stand didn’t have a roof on it.

Saints had a selection issue in that Deano was suspended and so Schneiderlin came back into the team alongside Chaplow, a central midfield pairing that I did not expect great things from. Sir Rickie had recovered enough from his bang on the head to take his place up front, sporting a very fetching lump of plaster on his noggin. The Gulyman was again preferred to Lee ‘want some’ Barnard and the highlight on the bench saw the return of the mercurial Paul Wotton.

Saints started well and were keeping the ball and looking threatening. An early free kick from miles out was hit by Sir Rickie and parried by the keeper who then made an amazing save from Fonte’s follow up effort but the lino had the flag up anyway. It gave us hope that we’d break through soon and we then had the first Punch chance of the day when he twisted in from the right and worked it onto the favourite left foot. Faced with the usual Scuffer/Balloon choice, Punch went for the slightly mis-hit scuffer which beat everyone and bounced back off of the post…. unlucky and he was unlucky again a minute later after nicking the ball high up the pitch and squaring to Schneiderlin, he had to watch Morgan lash it over the bar.

In Oldham’s first attack we got D’Ursoed. Andy D’Urso, former Premiership referee who now is in League 1, famous for allowing Man Utd players to chase him round the pitch. The ball got played into our box to a clearly offside player and the lino did his job and flagged. D’Urso knew best though and waved play on and Superkelv had to produce a decent save whilst everybody stopped. It was only afterwards that I kind of realised that he’d have bloody given it if it had gone in.

The midfield duo of Chaplow and Schneiderlin was looking particularly weak defensively and instead of playing as the attacking midfielder as he had been recently, Morgan was playing the holding role as only Morgan does…. badly. He got wrong-side of Taylor, the Oldham runner from midfield and allowed him to slide a pass through to Furman who evaded a sleeping Harding and poked it across Davis and into the net for a truly abysmal goal from a defensive point of view.

Adam Lallana sparked into life and teed up Sir Rickie on the edge of the box. Last year this would have flown in the net but this is not last year and it flew over the bar. Following this miss it all went to shit for about 20 minutes with only the Gulyman providing any highlights, narrowly firing wide a couple of times and generally being a pain for the defenders. It’s noticeable how many times he catches defenders with the ball and I think it’s because he looks like he can’t be arsed to run but then he does run and once he decides to run – he’s bloody quick. Also, his legs are about 5 feet long so he can nick the ball without actually getting that close.

Half time approached and I sensed that the SMS faithful were getting ready to boo the team off at half time. Unhappy with this state of affairs, Adam Lallana drifted from left to right, beating a host of defenders as he went before being fouled on the right hand edge of the penalty area. He got up and floated the free kick onto the head of Jose Fonte who buried it from a couple of yards out. Half time and jeers had turned to cheers.

At half time, a choir came out on to the Kingsland side of the pitch and sang a couple of vaguely gospel numbers. There were a few of them but I make no apology for only noticing the girl on the right of the front row as you watched from the Kingsland…. Wow! I challenge any bloke who was sat near me to deny they were thinking the same thing. After they’d finished, I wondered when the Chuckle Brothers would kick off talking bollocks but they’d moved about six seats along so I couldn’t hear the magic that fell from their mouths.

The second half started in scrappy fashion and the first major incident leaves us talking about D’Arsehole again as the Gulyman went through on goal and was goalside of Hazell, the last defender who clearly grabbed his arm. Guly tried to stay on his feet and even with his telescopic leg, couldn’t reach the ball to shoot as he was being hauled back. Penalty and a red card all day long but D’Arsehole and the lino, amazingly decided not.

The game was drifting and it was crying out for a change in centre midfield as Chappers was on a one man mission to give the ball way as much as possible and Morgan had gone back to doing nothing of note, which he always does when he plays as the defensive midfielder. Around 65 minutes, Nigel decided it was time for a change and Alex Chamberlain and Lee Barnard came on for Punch and Sir Rickie meaning that the central area remained the same but that we still had the Wotton card to play.

Within ten minutes we were in front as a spot of pinball around the Oldham penalty area ended with Chamberlain with the ball with a bit to do. The nipper stepped on the gas and drifted past a defender before drilling home. Get in…. the boy can play.

It was getting near cramp time for do Prado and before he collapsed, he was replaced by The Late Paul Wotton who received a possibly ironic heroes welcome as the launched himself into the fray with his speciality overhead clearance where he picks out a random opposition player with a blind hoof over his shoulder. I was a bit worried that this substitution would invite Oldham onto us but both Schneiderlin and Chaplow pushed further forward to support Barnard who was still sporting his cast on his hand which interestingly means that his hand is always in a fist shape.

I feel that if Barnard had full use of his right hand, he may have belted D’Arsehole with it who was basically allowing the Oldham defence to prepare Barnard for prison life with repeated assaults from behind (oooooooooooh!). I see you still have all of your limbs… play on!

Anyway – 90 minutes up and time for the ‘Added Time Scoreboard of Fate’…. 5 minutes, oh do fuck off. Saints came desperately close to sealing it when Alex Chamberlain ran from inside his own half, leaving about 5 players in his wake before firing against the far post. Oldham of course, put their defensive mountain up front and started launching it which in the main is expertly dealt with by the one man defensive unit that is Jose Fonte. They got the one chance that D’Arsehole was obviously hoping they’d get and Superkelv came to the rescue with a fine finger tip save in the 95th minute. D’Arsehole then got something right by blowing the final whistle.

In truth it was a strange performance – there was a lot less of the passing football of the Tranmere and Bournemouth games and a lot more hitting the channels for Guly and Sir Rickie to chase so at times it wasn’t pretty but the bottom line is that we won, against a well organized team who came for a point. Not only that but we were 1-0 down and as The Daily Echo helpfully pointed out during the week, we never get anything when we go behind, not even a goal. Chamberlain and Barnard made massive differences when they came on and the injection of pace came at just the right time. I would think that the Chamberlain or Punch question must be kicking around in Nigel’s mind. Also, I thought Fonte was superb today and Butterfield had a decent match. A few grumbles though… I hate to say I told you so but I fucking did and Chaplow and Schneiderlin were a poor combination. Chaplow gives the ball away far too often and Morgan will never be a defensive midfielder as long as he has a hole in his ass. I was also not impressed by Harding today who looked very sluggish and aside from his non-contribution to their goal, a lot of our attacks seemed to break down on him, especially in the first half. Personally, I’d like to see Ryan Dickson given a go as he adds a bit more pace on the left where we currently have none.

Nigel was happy in his press conference and praised the subs, including the Legend of Wotton and was also scathing of the goal we conceded. Thye win closed the table right up again and a win next week at Notts County could see us rise about 6 places, right into the playoff mix. Meanwhile, a word for Brighton now six points clear at the top… and the word is, bastards.

Oh… and Andy D’Arsehole… piss off back to the Prem… you’re useless.

Andy D'Urso has his own Facebook fan club.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=63356039847

League 1 Match 12 - Huddersfield 2 Southampton 0

At last....

Bearing in mind that we were 5 games unbeaten and the fact that we beat this lot 5-0 last time out, I am strangely pessimistic about today’s game. Huddersfield have a home record to envy and are on a decent run themselves and also, they have Alan Lee playing for them who is a total **** (insert expletive here) but he is a very effective player who has caused us endless problems before. I really don’t fancy a match up between Lee and Dan Seaborne who I think will always be found wanting when under any amount of pressure (ie – away games)

True to previous form, Nigel retains the same staring XI which won against Tranmere last week so there is no place for our returning French U21 International. Mistake No1 in my book as Chaplow wasn’t that great last week and Morgan has run into some decent form. The Gulyman deserved to start and it was nice to see Frazer Richardson on the bench alongside the Bail Brothers.

We start in very dodgy fashion, trying to pass it around without first having drawn the sting out of the opposition and predictably, we are giving it away near our goal. The general air of dodgyness carries on for all of five minutes before Joey Gudjohnsen smashes in a shot from the edge of the box which has Superkelv beaten all ends up before it crashes off of the inside of the post. For half a second it looked like we’d got away with it but the rebound fell to Pilkington who still had a lot to do but he expertly drills it high into the net.

Saints responded to going a goal down by giving the ball back to Huddersfield so they could try and get another. This cunning plan of Baldrick proportions nearly came off when Alan Lee finds himself through on goal with just Davis to beat - which he might have done if he hadn't tried a long range lob. His ambition clearly greater than his ability.

Then, the Gulyman skilfully tricked his way down the left and fed Lallana who hung up a cross which Sir Rickie competed for before the keeper flapped it out to about 10 yards out to the waiting Puncheon.... would it be the blast over the bar or the scuffer along the ground ? Betfair were offering 2/1 on the scuffer, 1/3 on for him lashing it over the bar and 2000/1 for him actually scoring. Entirely predictably, he leaned back and wafted it over the bar. Puncheon should be sentenced to a night out with Barnard and Bignall for not hitting the target from there. Compare and contrast with Pilkington’s finish which was from a much more difficult position. When I was a kid, my dad eventually got fed up with me leathering the ball over the 8 foot fence and into the next door garden and then he taught me to get my knee over it and keep it down. Jason Puncheon’s dad obviously had a 30 foot fence in his garden or he had so many footballs that he didn’t mind young Jason repeatedly lashing them over next door. Seriously though, Puncheon has been in position to score about 10 goals so far this season and how many has he got ? I’ve checked the stats and counted them four times.... none, zero, zip, nil.

Captain Deano was getting visibly more and more rattled with the inept performance and tried to lead by example by hoofing someone up in the air and getting himself banned for reaching 5 bookings. A clumsy foul by Desperate Dan Seaborne gave Huddersfield a free kick which was half cleared to the edge of the box where Gudjohnsen smashed it home on the half volley, giving Puncheon another lesson in how to kick a football.

I was listening to the radio for the first half and it was one of those where I arrived at half time and was getting so agitated with listening to it that I decided to turn it off. One of my kids probably heard my 'oh for fucks sake' when the 2nd goal went in and I could see a 2nd half of me teaching them new swear words.

Saints fashioned a decent chance at the start of the 2nd half with Puncheon finding the Gulyman, whose shot was blocked. Lee Barnard’s bail conditions dictated that he could now come on as a sub and so the Gulyman made way, having managed to not get cramp his week.

On 70 minutes, Sir Rickie went up for a header and clashed heads with Clarke, coming off the worst. When the physio asked him who he was, the reply of “Elvis Presley” was not what he wanted to hear as Elvis had no left foot and so he eventually had to be substituted to be replaced by Bail Brother No 2, Darren Bignall.

Things took a turn for the farcical when the 4th official had to take over as linesman and all the officials made a big meal of getting another 4th official. Surely the 4th official is there as a 'sub' if someone gets injured in much the same way as a playing sub is. If a playing sub comes on, you don't get a replacement to sit on the bench - just get on with it. It did give us the false hope of the 11 minute board going up but we wouldn't have scored if we'd played til Sunday so all it did was prolong the agony. Schneiderlin came on for Puncheon with 15 to go as Nigel decided that scuffers and shots into orbit are not the way to go when you are 2-0 down but too little too late and so we dribbled apologetically to the inevitable defeat.

A 2-0 defeat in a disappointing manner is not what we required. In truth, the second half was fairly even but there was always the feeling that Huddersfield were just playing the game out in much the same was as we played it out against Tranmere. This in itself is pretty damning of our performance as we're supposed to be promotion contenders.

Of course, many Saints Web Forum Dwellers reacted to the result in the usual calm and collected way by insisting that we would now be relegated etc which was a predictable as Puncheon putting a decent chance over the bar. For his part, Nigel Adkins blamed 2 poor goals and the fact that we overplayed in the wrong areas and need to go direct more often. He will have learnt that Tranmere at home is a completely different proposition to Huddersfield away though, to be fair, he should have known this anyway. I feel it was a big mistake not to start with Schneiderlin as we may have been able to get a semblance of control in the midfield with him in there. Worryingly, having been favourites at the start of the season, I would now put us in at least 3rd place behind Brighton and Huddersfield.

Next up Oldham at home. If you remember that last year, Oldham at home was the day the playoff dream kind of died as we played out a frustrating 0-0 draw. In truth - we were poor that day, much like today and I and I expect Nigel Adkins, expect much better. Deano will be suspended and so Schneiderlin and Chappers will be in the centre of midfield which sounds a bit lightweight to me... we shall see. It will also be interesting to see if Sir Rickie remembers who he is by Saturday. Today, Bignall showed a turn of speed what obviously wasn't enough to get him away from Berkshire's finest on his night out and Barnard played with enough energy to probably earn himself a return to the starting line up next Saturday so, if Sir Rickie still thinks he’s Elvis, I expect to see The Bail Boys in partnership up front... Bignall and Barnard, the B-Boys, the Big Bad Bail Boys... do you think you're 'ard enough ?

League 1 Match 11 - Southampton 2 Tranmere 0

Saints subs arrive at St Mary's

After last weeks comprehensive beating of the Moaning Dorset Bastards, it appeared that everything as back on track and we would have a good weeks training, the Echo would have nothing to cut and paste about and the Web Forum Dwellers would have nothing to over react about…. And then Lee Barnard went out on the piss. Lager + The White House + an incident + arrested + bailed + hospital visit + operation on hand + Bailed til December = Normal lads Night Out. What I’ve listed above is basically all that is known. Of course, the world is full of people who were there, saw the whole thing, their mates brothers step dad cage fighting mate was there and told me blah blah la-di-dah. Barnard, in the White House, with the bottle is the concensus of internet Cluedo but it may as well be Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick for all we actually know.

To potentially replace the man with the hand injury from his Saturday night out, we brought in Nicholas Bignall on loan from Reading, a powerful, quick, centre forward or winger. Didn’t we have one of those on loan from Reading last year ? The dust settled on his loan move and then, in a twist so funny you really couldn’t make it up – he’s got his own appointment with the Police as well, for a ‘nightclub incident’. I know for a fact, because someone told me that the entire World Wrestling Federation were in the nightclub in Reading and one of them called Nicholas a poof and he took the whole lot of them on, armed only with a cocktail umbrella and he decked the fucking lot of them. When arrested he said “Do you know who I’m about to sign for… the well ‘ard SFC”, before stuffing the umbrella up the arresting officers arse. It’s all true.

Anyway… team news was that the Bail Boys were on the bench meaning that Guly do Prado got his first league start up front alongside Sir Rickie. Richard Chaplow came into midfield in place of the unavailable Schneiderlin. Tranmere were missing Ian Goodison from their defence who last year, virtually defended everything on his own and looked a very good player. No question – we should win this game.

Saints meant business right from the off with Guly putting Sir Rickie in on goal with barely a minute on the clock, only for the big man to delay in shot and get smothered in the tackle. Chaplow was bursting into the box at every opportunity and nearly got on the end of another Guly pass before Lallana curled a cross over from the right and Sir Rickie rose to thump a header off the bar and over. We’re all over them and keeping the ball very well and patiently building from the back with Fonte totally controlling things and getting the ball off of Superkelv at every opportunity and strolling forward with it.

Guly is showing well up front, coming short to receive the ball and laying it off first time whenever he can but as the game gets going he immediately shows more inclination to hold it up. He looks superb and is showing a surprising willingness to close down and chase lost causes which is not what I expected when he sulked all the way through his first couple of games, pausing only to show exasperation at team mates. Another Guly centred move puts Harding through on the left but instead of lashing it first time he tries to cushion it but unfortunately, he has a touch with the subtlety of a bottle smashed over the head and the chance is gone.

We got to 20 minutes with no goal and a couple more chances for Hammond and Puncheon which test the keeper but not really. Puncheon’s is typical…. Get ball, cut inside onto left foot, scuff it along the ground. There is then a bit of a change and Tranmere have a couple of half chances, one of which results in a Superkelv ‘one for the cameras’ special. As we neared half time, we were having our worst periods of the match and quite unexpectedly, we scored. A Butterfield ball to the Gulyman was too long and ended up in the right hand corner. Credit to the Gulyman for not giving it up and he managed to catch up the defender and nick it back to Punch who did his usual and ran into a defender, from where it fell to Butters who swung over a curling cross to where Sir Rickie was standing, unmarked, six yards out. A thump with the forehead and 1-0.

An added bonus of this goal was that it was so close to half time that many had already made the exit to the concourse, including Old Fat Bastard who sits in my row. He doesn’t even say ‘excuse me’, just barges past expecting you to move, so he can get in the queue first for his pie. Well I hope it was worth it OFB cos you missed the goal. My friends the Chuckle Brothers were 50% light in their number as the whiny thick one was missing, presumed moronic. His mate, the duck noise through the rolled up programme guy (must think of a better way to describe him), was for some reason, asking if anyone know what Welsh Rarebit was. Why the fuck you would want to know that in the middle of a football match is beyond me and then I realised… Tranmere had a player called Welsh so naturally… it’s like a word association thing….

“Welsh… Rarebit”
“Scottish… Haggis”
“Duck Noise Programme Guy… TWAT!!!”

Luckily for Old Fat Bastard, it takes another ten minutes of dominance in the second half before we increase our lead and it’s another Guly do Prado production as he skins a guy down the right wing before cutting it back behind Sir Rickie but in front of Lallana, who smashes it in. 2-0, game over. The question was – would we push on and get loads but whatever we did , we were going to have to do it without Guly who chased a ball into the corner and then collapsed with cramp. Butters administered first aid and the Gulyman gingerly got to his feet before being subbed. He got a standing ovation as he slowly walked off to replaced by Prisoner Number 28469276, Barnard L who shook hands left handed as he came on.

Barney’s arrival brought some humour from the Northam End and he was running to them five minutes later in the belief that he’d made it 3-0, only for an offside flag to be raised against Chaplow who had in fact had the last touch. Punch had a couple of efforts that were linked by the fact that neither the traditional scuffer or it’s alternative, the lash over the bar, were ever going to go in. Recongnizing a lost cause when he saw one, Nigel replaced Punch with Alex Chamberlain.

Chances came and chances went as Saints went in search of the killer goal which they were never going to need because my friends, Tranmere were never going to even make Superkelv get his kit dirty. Barney won a free kick on the edge of the box and Sir Rickie made a total Puncheon of the effort as he scuffed it wide to the deserved derision of “what the fucking hell was that” from the Northam. Sir Rickie found himself out wide right and curled a lovely cross onto Barney’s head but he either didn’t reach it or took his eye off it and it flew wide. The final decent chance fell to Chaplow who could have put the gloss on things but when clean through, seemed to lack the confience to take it on and instead, Puncheoned his shot wide from 18 yards when he could have got a lot closer.

Lee Holmes came on for Lallana for his obligatory five minutes and added to the DVD on his Saints career highlight by smashing a pull back from Barnard so high it almost hit the Flybe plane that had just gone over. It was dreadful and so were Tranmere, just woeful and they will get relegated this year. If there are 4 worse teams than them in the division this year then Tommy Forecast will play for England.

Game over, 2-0, easy really. I guess the only frustration (aside from Puncheon in general) is that we missed a few chances and also, let the tempo drop a bit but these are small concerns really. We are looking more and more like a team that can do some serious damage in this league and talking of which… it’s all closed right up at the top with us now being only 2 points off the playoffs and 4 off of an automatic slot. OK, we’re still 13th but watch us go.

The difference in the style of football in the 3 weeks Nigel Adkins has been there is quite remarkable and it’s only going to get better as well. I felt that we sometimes played what Wee Gordon Strachan used to refer to as ‘propaganda football’ where we passed it about for 10-15 passes without actually gong anywhere… but overall it was excellent stuff and it’s so nice to see the team all want the ball. It’s great to watch Danny Seaborne trying to suppress that natural instinct to cream it 60 yards up the pitch and nice to see Superkelv throwing it out instead of kicking for touch via a slice off his right boot.

Lots of players had decent games today but listen (as Nigel would say), the best was the Gulyman who showed an unexpected work ethic as well as some superb ability on the ball and, listen Jason Puncheon, the ability to play the final ball. I feel that Lee Barnard may get a few more games on the bench as a result of his adventures in Above Bar. Still – at least on the bench he can get to know one of this potential cell mates.

League 1 Match 10 - Southampton 2 Bournemouth 0

Pinder - Discovered on Bournemouth Beach - a tenuous link I know

Bournemouth at home in what was being ramped up from Dorset as being the South Coast Derby. It most definitely isn’t. As I previously explained in the blog about the Carling Cup game – we don’t particularly care but you do start to care when the build up to the game is dominated by the bell end of a Chairman, Dick Mitchell who makes sure it’s all about him, claiming that he’s been banned from St Mary’s and all other sorts of shit. This follows on from the ‘stagnant’ comment and the ‘Eddie Howe turned down the job’ load of bollocks. It would be interesting if someone on Radio Solent could ask Eddie Howe if he was offered the Saints job and turned it down? I’m curious and I’m sure that many others are. Anyway, so the Bournemouth Chairman is a twat and we needed to win – nothing new.

Bournemouth were 2nd in the table going into the game and we were nowhere so it would be a stern test and for any stern test, you need your best players and so Jose Fonte returned in place of Radhi Jaidi and Adam Lallana was deemed fit enough to start in place of Alex Chamberlain who found himself on the bench alongside Richard Chaplow who was one of our hundred or so loan players when we were financially imploding four years ago. Still only 25 but looking not a day under 50, he was back on loan from Preston for a month to cover the potential suspension of Hammond and international call up of Schneiderlin. Since the Carling Cup game, Bournemouth have sold their main striker in Brett Pitman and replaced him with a kid called Josh McQuoid but the goals had kept flowing so I was interested to see how good the front two of McQuoid and Symes were. At kickoff, St Mary’s was looking like a proper football ground with nearly 26,200 in place – higher than most Premiership attendances today. In my opinion, they should have sold the Northam/Itchen corner to Bournemouth as well to ramp up the atmosphere even more.
Saints started well but Bournemouth started better and in their first attack, following two attempted headers from Seaborne where he got totally under the ball and missed it, Feeney curled a right footed shot against the post with Davis standing and watching. Saints swiftly broke away following the escape and Barnard wriggled through only to have his shot clawed away by Jalal from the kneeling position before Sir Rickie managed to hit the rebound at the only defender who was between him and the open goal. Great start to the game though.

Saints started passing the ball about with great aplomb and it was obvious that everyone wanted it and everyone looked relatively comfortable with it. Dean Hammond was demanding the ball off of the full backs and Schneiderlin’s more advanced midfield position was causing a few problems for Bournemouth as he kept himself involved. Bournemouth for their part seemed to be between two stools in that they were letting our full backs have the ball and build up play before trying to kick hell out of us in midfield.

A decent move resulted in Sir Rickie chasing down the ball over on the right hand side of the Bournemouth penalty area before tangling with Wiggins who seemed to bring him down. I assumed it was outside the box but the lino had the flag across the chest for a penalty. Ooooh – bit of a gift that. Subsequent replays have proved that it was given for handball which was a brilliant spot by the lino. He can’t score from open play but give him a penalty where he can take as much time as he likes and Sir Rickie will score, bang, high and central, a split second worry that it was going over from me and 1-0.

Going 1-0 down and what they believed at the time to be slightly dubious circumstances meant Bournemouth had to delve into the book of gameplans and they came up with ‘kick harder’. They had a right dirty niggly bastard, Bartley in midfield who was not only dirty but a whinging complaining tosser as well. Following a tangle with Schneiderlin, he quite clearly took a kick at him and the ref did nothing. It was blind side of the ref but the linesman who was standing in between me and the incident had a clear view – so why not wave the thing you have in your hand. We will forgive him this one though as he spotted the pen.

Harding was then crunched over in the left back slot by Feeney which should have brought a booking and then Schneiderlin was binned by Pearce as the ball broke into midfield. The ref had had enough and stopped play to book the Pearce but only after Fonte had put Puncheon clean through with just Jalal to beat. So – we were 1 on 1 with keeper and the ref pulls it back to give us a free kick on the half way line and book one of their players. Joke decision.

We were passing the ball about in expert fashion and really giving a lesson in possession football which was amazing given the hoofball rubbish we were churning out a few weeks back. Players like Hammond and Puncheon seemed revitalised and were giving massive performances compared to their previous efforts. Best player on the pitch though was Barnard who was dropping deep and picking the ball up, holding off the repeated efforts from Pearce and Garry to hoof him up in the air and keep the ball, keep us ticking over. Lallana was having a major impact on the game as well and was really a couple of levels higher than anyone on the opposition. We arrived at half time just the one goal to the good but it was a superb performance after the first minute and thoroughly deserved. Bournemouth for their part, had showed the square root of fuck all and the much vaunted Symes and McQuoid? Were they playing?

I expected Bournemouth to be closing down our full backs at the start of the second half to stop us from playing it out but they didn’t and so we kept on dominating the ball. They were trying to keep the ball more themselves but as we were pressing well when they had it, Puncheon managed to pinch the ball off of Smith, their right back and then followed thirty seconds of chaos as Jalal flew off his line to deny Barnard before going on a one man mission to get the ball back whilst his team-mates watched. Next he challenged Schneiderlin and the ball went lose again to the Frenchman who was bundled over by Bartley for another penalty. Predictably, Bartley threw his arms about like a girl and predictably, Sir Rickie crashed it into the net to make it 2-0.

Saints still controlled possession after this but you could sense that the game was won and that they knew it. Lallana was replaced with Chamberlain after 70, with Barnard being removed 5 minutes later, replaced by Richard Chaplow to bring a midfield hairdo not seen since the days of Chrissy Marsden football Genius. Chappy’s first contribution was to let the ball run away from him and go in over the top on Pearce which sparked a bit of a shoving match from the Bournemouth girls and ended with a yellow for Chappy and a yellow for Jalal who had run 40 yards to the linesman to ensure he got one as well. Bournemouth had thrown on Steve Fletcher by this point and he should have won a penalty when Fonte won the wrestling bout by two falls and a submission and Fletcher ended up with his shirt virtually pulled over his head. I can understand them being pissed about that one.

The ‘Persistent Fouling’ gameplan eventually came back to bite Bournemouth in the arse when Puncheon totally did Smith down the left only to be brought down, 2nd yellow, off you go. We got another free kick in a dangerous position after yet another Bournemouth foul which Sir Rickie curled over the wall for Jalal to pull one for the cameras. Nigel then did pull a funny one at the end with Sir Rickie being replaced by the Gulyman who played up front like a man who has never played up front before, though he did manage to lash one over the bar.

Full time and a first home win of the season in the league and 100% deserved. The better side won – of this there can be no dispute. Most of the ire of anyone of Bournemouth persuasion is going to be focussed on the referee and the two penalty decisions and sure enough, Eddie Howe referred to the referee as having ‘killed’ them. Yes they should have had a pen when Fonte and Fletcher were playing ‘get a room’ but comfortably the worst decision out there was when we were pulled back when Puncheon was clean through. I still can’t believe that, 24 hours later. The facts are that aside from the first two minutes, we were the better side throughout and totally deserved to win and they didn’t have a shot on goal all game. They had a little spell late on in the 2nd half when we’d substituted Lallana, Barnard and Lambert – three of our most influential players. Anyway, we won so who gives a flying one about anything else. I expect Eddie Howe will use the perceived injustice as a motivational aid when we go to Dean Court – a game which I expect to be a bit tasty.

There were so many of our players who put in big performances – Schneiderlin and Hammond bossed the midfield, Puncheon had his best game for about 4 months, not only looking a threat but winning his fair share of tackles and headers, Fonte was back to his imperious best and Seaborne overcame his dodgy start and put in a very solid performance. On top of this we had Lallana back who in ability terms, is head and shoulders above anyone and Barnard who was a constant pain in the arse for Bournemouth for the duration of his stay on the pitch. Butterfield and Harding were solid in defence and decent in attack, showing good movement and of course, best of all, everyone looked comfortable in possession. Sir Rickie was still a bit off but he’s scored twice and he’s getting there. Oh yeah, we had a goalkeeper out there as well but I won’t mention him by name as he only touched the ball about twice.

Nigel was happy afterwards and there was much to be happy about. Our lack of forwards on the bench is a bit of a worry, as is Schneiderlin being missing for the next match due to a call up to the French U21 squad. Typical – just as he starts consistently playing well for us. It is Tranmere at home next so I assume Chappy will slot into the midfield and that should be enough to get the 3 points from that game. It’s Chappy or Pulis I guess...

4 games unbeaten and looking upwards... now 15th.