JPT Final - Carlisle 1 Southampton 4 (Wembley Stadium)

Just who is Serigne Ababacar ?

The day had finally arrived when the mighty SFC were to take on Carlisle in the Final of the Johnstone’s Paints Trophy at Wembley Stadium. Though it’s been open a few years now, it is my first trip to the New Wembley Stadium which looks very impressive on the TV, with the arch and all that.

Having travelled to the game on Greyhound Bus No.4, the excitement started to build as the traffic ground to a halt on the A40, in the queue for the Hangar Lane Roundabout which is the worst roundabout to drive around, this side of the Arc de Triomphe. As we queued, in the distance away to the left was the arch. Once the roundabout from hell was negotiated, the shop from hell was spotted when Ikea, Brent Cross came into view. I used to have to come here before they built one of the big yellow and blue boxes in West Quay and the memories came flooding back of the time when I was in the procession of misery round Ikea, a procession that women love and men despise. I stopped because the person in front of me stopped and the trolley behind smacked into my achilles. Sharp intake of breath and off we went again until we stopped again and I was trolley assaulted again – this time I turned round and glared at the small woman who was guilty. Off we go, stop, bang, pain. “Look, it’s perfectly fucking simple, when I stop, you stop”. After this outburst it got very dark. I then looked up (I’m 6 foot 1) to see where the light had gone and saw this woman’s son glaring at me. He looked like an American footballer with the pads sewn in under his skin. She bashed her trolley into me twice more on the way round and I didn’t say a thing.

Anyway, round the back of Ikea and up a hill, through and Industrial Estate and there we were, in the coach park – no time to get excited at all. The coach was parked at the arch side of the ground and it (the arch) really didn’t look that big or impressive from the outside. One of the things I loved about the Old Wembley was the look of it from the outside with the Towers and the white walls etc. The new one looks dull as you like and is completely lacking in character. I thought that the big area around the stadium would be full of vendors selling beer and food etc (like they have at the Rose Bowl for example) but there was nothing which of course is a ploy to make you buy stuff inside the stadium. So, there are no vendors and there is precious little of interest aside from one statue of Bobby Moore and that’s it. Is there a Museum or anything ? I assume so but I didn’t find it…

I then made the mistake of going in the Wembley Shop which sold England kit and associated merchandise but also merchandise from the Big 4 and believe it or not, Celtic. What the fuck is going on here. I find it really sad that the National Stadium is not above all this pandering to the big boys and is just another JJB Sports Shop. It should sell England stuff, it should sell Wembley stuff, it should sell stuff for the teams competing on the given day but it should not be selling Man Utd, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea gear when they’re not playing today and it especially shouldn’t sell fucking Celtic gear when they’re not even English and never play at Wembley except in meaningless pre-season tournaments when no one cares. It gets even worse… I went round a corner in the shop and was confronted by a German national team strip. I wanted to be sick or at least, blow my nose on it. At least I can imagine them shifting a few Man Utd shirts but who’s gonna buy a Germany shirt. If you were a German living in London, I can’t imagine you’d think of going to Wembley to pick up a replica shirt. I don’t know if there was a Scotland shirt as I didn’t hang around to find out.

Instead, I went into the ground because I was starving. The food inside was ridiculously overpriced and shite. I asked for a Chilli Dog and the bloke looked at me like I was mad. I pointed out that it was on the menu and not a special request and he disappeared for 5 minutes and came back saying ‘no chilli’. A Chilli Dog without Chilli is of course, a Dog or rather a Microwaved Weiner in a stale bun which I could have brought from Tesco for about 30p. £4 but it tasted so good so it was worth it. Irony Alert !!!!.

OK – time to check out the seats. Once you get sight of the pitch, your impression changes as it’s seriously impressive. Talk about wow factor but now, I’m going to do some more moaning but I don’t really know if I’m moaning at Wembley or at the Saints Ticket Office. I booked into blocks 127 to 131 and I did it on the first day, in the £44 section. I was a wee bit disappointed that I was in block 127 in row 11, looking along the goal-line. Block 131 was near the half way line and was where I really wanted to be and row 11 is too low, especially when you’re in a corner. Some of my mates who are not Season Ticket Holders who booked after me, were in Block 131 so whoever allocated the tickets obviously started at block 127 and worked upwards. Annoying. Anyway – I promise I will stop moaning now….

As we approached kick off time, the 44,000+ Saints fans looked absolutely magnificent. Though the colours were different, it was lump in the throat time, like at Cardiff in 2003. To the team and the outstanding issues were resolved as follows. Morgan Schneiderlin had not recovered from the tight hamstring he picked up last week and was replaced by Paul Wotton whilst Michail Antonio was fit for the first time in about a month and took cup-tied Jason Puncheon’s place on the right wing. Also cup-tied was Lee Barnard whose place went to Papa Waigo N’Diaye whose name caused a few seconds of panic for the stadium announcer. Carlisle had only two players I was vaguely familiar with – Ian Harte who takes a mean free kick but can’t run and Graham Kavanagh who is now 36 but doesn’t look any older than he did when he was 25 when he looked about 50. National Anthem, teams introduced to Mawhinney the Arse and away we go.

For the first 10 minutes, if anything Carlisle were the better side, looking to pass it about in midfield and work their openings. From their first corner, Harding decided that the way to go was World Wrestling Federation and grabbed hold of Grandad Kavanagh as he made his run. At the time I thought nothing of it but when you see a replay it’s pretty bad and I think we can count ourselves a bit fortunate. Most of the Carlisle play revolved around getting the ball out to Robson on their left who was playing against our left footed right back in Harding who comprehensively won the first challenge between the pair which immediately resulted in Robson throwing himself to the floor the next three times he got near the ball. The ref was having none of it though. The tide began to turn when Hammond and Wotton started to get a grip in midfield and Carlisle started to try long balls up to their lone striker who was never going to get an joy competing against the classy Fonte and the brick shithouse Jaidi.

Antonio had started up front with Waigo on the right but when Antonio found himself on his natural right hand side for the first time, he put over a cross towards Lambert where for some reason, the centre back flapped it away with the palm of his hand. From where I was you couldn’t tell what the ref had given but it was as obvious as you like. The only debate was whether he should have been sent off or not. When Sir Rickie is on the pens, the centre back may as well have caught it and thrown it in the net himself as there is only ever one outcome. Bang, top right, 1-0 despite goalkeeper Collin being about five yards off his line when the kick was struck.

Suddenly it was all Saints with two chances in quick succession falling to Lallana. At first I thought he’d scuffed both of them but in fact he made a really good contact with the first and was unfortunate that it buried itself in Collin’s midriff. The second was a bit of a half hit effort and I always feel with Adam that he needs to take a leaf out of Sir Rickie’s book and try and break the net.

Carlisle came back with a couple of efforts of their own with a header from Harte bouncing off the top of the bar and a hooked shot from Marc Double-Barrell landing on top of the net – neither of which caused me or Kelvin Davis any bother. Every time they attacked, Saints looked likely to score and Sir Rickie fashioned an opening for the impressive Antonio that he hit well but Collin turned aside.

Ian Harte is an interesting player in that he won 50+ caps for Ireland and played in the Leeds side that played in the Champions League Semi Final and then he kind of dropped off the map and ended up playng for a crap Spanish side (Levante if memory serves). He was only about 27 when this happened and now he’s only 32 but you can see the problem. He was a left back in his prime and even then was regarded as being a bit slow and having the turning circle of a ocean liner. He is now, even at league 1 standard, too slow to play left back and not good enough in the air to play centre back. Holding midfield role I reckon. Anyway, today he’s a centre back and was getting comprehensively beaten to every header by Sir Rickie including an important one on 44 minutes when Sir Rickie flicked on a long Antonio throw from the right and Lallana stole in completely unmarked at the back stick to head past Collin for 2-0.

It nearly got even better a minute later when following a dreadful foul on Papa Waigo on the left wing, Sir Rickie swung in the free kick which went about a foot wide of the far point having just avoided the lunging Jaidi. Half time and so far so good. My feeling was that our only problem was going to be if Carlisle got one back straight away but I really couldn’t see it. They seemed to have nothing up front and it was carnage every time we got near their penalty area.

The second half started like the first with Carlisle having a spell of keeping the ball and zipping it about but the first time they gave it away, Sir Rickie went gallivanting up the left wing and laid it inside to Papa Waigo who hit a delightful pass with the outside of his right back back to Sir Rickie who had continued his gallivant. Before he collapsed of exhaustion he crossed it to where Horwood was the covering defender. He tried to let it run across him being completely oblivious to Antonio behind him who burgled him and smashed it goalwards where it was parried upwards by Collin’s face. There waiting for it to come down was Papa Waigo who nodded into the empty net for 3-0. The celebrations were long and milked for all they were worth – a run to the crowd in the corner (where I was), a group hug with Lallana and Lambert and then he remembered that he hadn’t done the Waigo shuffle and set off behind the goal to perform his masterpiece. The only questions now were – is it called a parry if it comes off his face and how many would we get ?

Deflated, Carlisle resorted again to hoof and hope – Jaidi headed everything away and Fonte was so laid back he was in a deckchair. Harding and Mills had totally shut down the flanks and whilst not offering much going forward – they didn’t really have to because others were doing just fine on their own. On 59 minutes, Sir Rickie won another header before the ball broke to Antonio who nudged it past a defender and smashed in a left footed half volley which gave poor Collin no hope. 4-0 and a dance for the crowd to match the Waigo effort from earlier.

To be honest, the next half an hour was shite and who can be surprised. The game was won and Carlisle were deflated. To be fair, Carlisle kept trying and following a magnificent spirit lifting performance from Golden Elvis in the crowd, Carlisle got a consolation goal in the 86th minute when sub Madine flicked in an Ian Harte free kick which was given for sod all but it would be churlish to complain too much.

Saints threw on all three subs in the last 15 with Simon Gillett on for Papa Waigo, David Connolly on for Paul Wotton and finally, for what will probably be his last appearance for Saints, Chris Perry on for Radhi Jaidi. Only Gillett made any kind of mark on the game with a snap shot at the near post which Collin tipped wide.

Final whistle – Southampton 4 Carlisle United 1. Southampton win the Johnstone’s Paints Trophy 2010.

Following Carlisle’s trudge up the steps, it was our turn and soon, Dean Hammond and Kelvin Davis were lifting up the seriously large Johnstone’s Paints Trophy. Papa Waigo managed to get himself too excited and tried to get in the way of all the photographs at the key moment. Typical Papa, always five yards ahead of where he should be.

Watching the presentation – it seems funny to me that Markus Liebherr has his own little camera which he takes to every match. I’m hoping that some of his photos get published in the Saints website one day. Nicola Cortese looked very happy and it was a nice moment when he and King Alan were together. A rift? I don’t really think so. Don’t believe the hype, don’t believe the Daily Echo and don’t believe that fat oaf Martin Samuel in the Daily Mail. All it is, is their opinion but written in a forceful way so you think they have the inside track. As we know, the Daily Echo does not have the inside track and I think it’s safe to assume that Martin Samuel doesn’t either. We’re all better off forming our own opinions.

I’ve followed Saints since 1976 as I’ve said before, I was a 7 year old thinking we’d win something every year. I’m now 41 and we’ve finally won something to add to the FA Cup in 1976. Call it a minor competition, call it what you like – I don’t give a shit. I was there. 50,000+ of us were there as it turns out and we had a fantastic time. Wembley, the playing arena is fantastic. Wembley, the rest of it is a bit disappointing but nothing ruins the day – not even the two hour wait to get clear of Hangar Lane on the way home..

Thankyou Markus, Nicola, King Alan, all the players and Serigne Ababacar who apparently is the Senegalese God of Offside.

JPT Final Preview

So… all the league fixtures are done for now and the next game is the Johnstone Paints Trophy Final at Wembley Stadium v Carlisle United.

It’s worth having a little recap here of our progress in the competition so far. To see blog entries - click this link http://leagueoneminus10.blogspot.com/search/label/JPT

We got a bye in the first round and in the 2nd, got a home draw against Torquay and we were quickly 2-0 down. I think that at this point, if they didn’t already, most fans saw this cup as an irrelevance and we didn’t care, it was beneath us, it was a waste of time, stupid little tin pot trophy etc etc. Two close range goals from Papa Waigo and Paul Wotton hitting home the winning penalty in the shoot-out... and we were happy enough.

The 3rd round brought us Charlton at home and the motivation for this game was there due to the quality of the opposition, the game being live on Sky and Pards being their much-hated ex-manager. We thrashed them 2-1 with goals from Wayne Thomas and Sir Rickie. We were totally dominant in the game with Charlton spawning a last minute consolation. Now we were all taking it quite seriously.

The Southern Regional Semi-Final brought another home draw, this time against Norwich City – more decent opposition and once again, despite a goal from Papa Waigo, we were losing 2-1 with a minute to go. Following a forearm smash by Michail Antonio on deserving recipient Grant Holt, once again, that man Papa Waigo popped up to force a penalty shootout which we won with James and Antonio’s misses cancelled out by three excellent saves by the Bart Man and so it fell to Wayne Thomas of all people, to stroke home the winning penalty. Now we were taking it very seriously indeed.

The Regional Final was against the Fake Dons and we won the away leg 1-0 with a goal from Michail Antonio and really should have won by more. We over-celebrated in full view of renowned cretin Karl Robinson. In between the first and second legs, we pulled a neat trick out of the bag and signed their best player in Jason Puncheon and even though he was cup tied and couldn’t play for us, we won the 2nd leg 3-1 at a bit of a canter with goals from Lambert, Lallana and a funny own goal. We’re going to Wem-ber-ley.

The ticket allocations were announced and we were given 44,000 which at the time, I thought we’d be hard pressed to sell. Despite a ticket office phone meltdown, I got mine on Day 1, only to find the best seats had sold out. Within a couple of weeks we had shifted 40,000 and rumours were that there would be no general sale which is astounding really but astounding in a good way. The ‘sold out’ signs went up and then the rumblings began about trying to possibly getting more tickets, especially when it emerged that Carlisle were only bringing 20,000 and there would be approximately 20,000 empty seats. Don Nicola Cortese weighed in and revealed that he had offered to pay for extra stewards and also had explained to the FA, how to allocate us extra seats and avoid segregation issues (the poor reason that we’d been given for no extra tickets). It seems though that the FA would rather save face than have an extra 15,000 fans paying approximately £30 a ticket. That’s nearly half a million quid which is more ammunition for the ‘FA is a joke’ brigade. I hope someone is sacked over that as it’s not as if they couldn’t do with the money as the Wembley pitch has just had to yet again, be relaid at great expense. The cost of the new pitch would easily have been covered by the income from the extra tickets they could have let us sell. Idiots.

Going back to the pitch for a second… there has been a load of negative publicity over the state of the Wembley pitch and talk as to whether it’s been a factor in players getting injured etc. Maybe they relaid it because of that but they probably did it because the Saints are in town. The JPT Final will be the first match played on it and after that it’ll probably be a couple of Rugby League matches and a Take That gig before they have to bring in another new pitch. Maybe it’s the Take That gig that rots the pitch with all the women in the audience wetting themselves.

And here we are…. Four days to go and we have an injury crisis. In League 1, we are usually or occasionally fielding 4 players who are cup tied for the JPT in Lee Barnard, Jason Puncheon, Dan Seaborne and Jon Otsemobor. None of those can play and in addition, Wayne Thomas and Graeme Murty are definitely out and there are question marks over Adam Lallana, Radhi Jaidi, Morgan Schneiderlin, David Connolly and Lloyd James.

I’m going to try and predict the team. Warning – I’m usually useless at this.

Goalkeeper : Kelvin Davis, enough said. Bart on the bench.
Right Back: Dan Harding has played here for the last two league games so I expect him to start the final here unless Wayne Thomas miraculously recovers or Pards wants to play both Harding and Mills down the left. Of course there is also the option of pulling out a strange one and playing Paul Wotton (very slow) or Simon Gillett (very short) here. Of these two I’d play Wotton I guess though the prospect of him lighting up Wembley with one of his special tackles when the ball has long since gone is one that makes me shudder. In addition there is the horrible prospect of Lloyd James playing here. Please No.
Left Back: Joseph Mills unless he gets pushed into midfield with Harding behind him.
Centre Backs: Jose Fonte and Radhi Jaidi though Chris Perry will play if Jaidi fails to make it. I hope that Perry gets on the pitch at some point as he’s been a good player for us and this will be his last season with the club.
Right midfield: Adam Lallana or maybe Papa Waigo if Adam plays on the left and we’re not bothered about the right winger tracking back Michail Antonio would be starting here if he was fit and it must be devastating for him to miss out.
Left midfield: I think (and I worry) that Lee Holmes will get the nod here despite not being in the League 1 squad for about a month. He came into the squad after Christmas and surprisingly, started a few games and has disappeared as quickly as he arrived despite not doing too badly. There is always the possibility though, that he is injured. Other possibilities are to play Lallana here with Waigo on the right or to play Joseph Mills with Harding at left back.
Centre Midfielders: Dean Hammond and Morgan Schneiderlin though expect Paul Wotton or maybe Simon Gillett to play here if Schneiderlin misses out. I would slightly favour Gillett out of the two as keeping the ball is not really a Wotton strength.
Strikers: Rickie Lambert and Papa Waigo N’Diaye with David Connolly fit only for the bench. It’s a big pitch so expect Papa to be offside by even further than usual but also expect Connolly to be given 20-25 minutes at the end.

There is always a ‘fairytale’ story around team selection for Cup Finals. Remember at Cardiff 2003 when Chris Baird came from nowhere to start the final. This years Chris Baird could be either Simon Gillett or Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain though I do think that both of these will end up on the bench.

I have watched Saints at Wembley three times: Charity Shield in 1976, League Cup Final in 1979, ZDS Cup Final in 1992. Lost, lost and lost again. I, of course, also went to Cardiff in 2003 where we lost again. So, yes I want to enjoy the day and yes I know it’s not the most important cup competition in the world but on Sunday it’s one that I desperately want us to win. In 2003, the feeling I came away with was of a great day and the fact that we lost was almost secondary after a while. There is no question that we should win this one and there will be no consolation for the 44,000 travelling Saints and the 15,000 unable to get a ticket, if we don’t.

Come on you Reds. (not Yellows this time)

League 1 Match 37 - Southampton 3 Hartlepool 2

"Diabolical defending Monkey Hangers"

When we played Hartlepool in the away fixture, I had a good old moan that the fixture computer had arranged a 3000 mile trip for us for a midweek game. At least the sense of fair play, so often lacking in football, had deemed that Hartlepool make the return trip in midweek as well. This observation is in fact a load of rubbish as the only reason that this game is on a Tuesday is because we had an FA Cup run and the original Saturday date was occupied. The move from Saturday to Tuesday of course meant that I wasn’t there but was listening to Radio Merrington.

Twas of course, the last game before Wembley so it would be interesting to see what sort of team Pards would put out bearing in mind that we have to win this game as well. Some managers – Rafa Benitez springs to mind – lose many games because they’re worrying about the next one rather than the one in front of them. As it happens, Radhi Jaidi is predictably left on the bench with Dan Seaborne keeping his place, Adam Lallana is rested with Papa Waigo given a start and Dan Harding continues at right back. Worryingly, we line up in a 4-3-1-2 formation with Papa ‘in the hole’ as Tiger Woods would say.

Saints usual fast start was stolen by Hartlepool who pinned us back, finding masses of space down the wings where we had no one. We persevered with being very very poor and continued with the tactic of doing nothing except live dangerously. This lasted until the 15th minute when Hartlepool took a deserved lead when Bob Monkhouse scored from close range.

Pards and Dean Wilkins were in technical area meltdown and following some frantic waving and pointing, they finally managed to wave and point in a language Papa Waigo could understand and Papa was pulled to the right wing. Punch went out to the left and we went to a traditional 4-4-2 and lo and behold, a Waigo cross and a header from Puncheon was kept out by a combination of bar and goalkeeper before sitting up for Lee Barnard to nod into an empty net. Miraculously it wasn’t ruled out for offside and so we were level.

Now playing in a formation that the players understood, we pressed forward and the next twenty minutes was all Saints with Flinders in the Monkey Hangers goal being called on to keep Hatlepool in it. He was helpless on 35 minutes though when a Puncheon cross came in. The centre back had a decision to make and he either had to head it, control it or hoof it. Fail. He decided to take the option of leaving it and giving a striker who has already scored 30 goals this season, a free shot from 12 yards. Bang, 2-1, Sir Rickie does not miss those.

Following the 2nd goal, Hartlepool came back into it again and were unlucky not to be awarded a penalty as Fonte and Seaborne both had a good go at giving one away with shirt holding and handball respectively. The name ‘Richey Humphreys’ came over the radio waves. I remember when he played for Sheffield Wednesday about 15 years ago and he was a fat bastard then. I expect he’s slimmed down a lot by now.

Half time and 2-1. I’m reliably informed by my Dad that that the bloke I had a go at last week was not present today but the guy who makes animal noises through a rolled up programme was there, trying to make puns out of Jason Puncheon’s name about a hundred times. Not funny the first time and unsurprisingly, not funny the hundredth time either. If he is sat near me at Wembley….

The opening ten minutes of the second half is quite even but following a bit of Hartlepool pressure, Puncheon broke away and ran at the defence. He eventually got into a scoring position, only to have his effort cleared off the line before another piece of joke defending when a defender tried to head it back to the keeper who was on his backside at the time. Papa Waigo nipped in scored to make it 3-1.

When you listen to the radio you accept that the commentators are going to miss some stuff, particularly the commentators on Solent but it plumbed new depths when, during the eulogising over the goal, we (the listening public) were informed that Paul Wotton had come on for Schneiderlin, ten minutes previously at half time.

The thought that the game would now be a formality lasted all of a minute until the ball broke to Hartlepool full-back Austin who smashed a brilliant shot in from 25 yards which Kelvin didn’t get anywhere near. Usually you can point the finger and pull out the ‘a team is never more vulnerable than when it has just scored’ cliché. However, this is just a brilliant strike, end of story. So, 3-2 and we still have half an hour to go.

It’s another 15 minutes before Saints manage another shot with Sir Rickie firing one in from 35 yards and forcing a good save from Flinders. The rest of the time is spent chasing Hartlepool around in midfield where we have totally lost the grip. It’s interesting that you would expect Wotton coming on for Morgan to close the game down but the opposite happened because we didn’t retain possession. Morgan is clearly missed and it shows that he’s improving, especially with his tackling and awareness of the defensive side of the game in particular.

Connolly comes on for Sir Rickie and the pattern of play remains mostly the same with Saints mounting the odd break in between giving the ball away lots and inviting Hartlepool onto us. It sounds like Fonte is a one man defensive unit at times with the term ‘Fonte heads it away’ being used repeatedly. Big Dave Merrington only gets animated when Mills is the subject of a very poor tackle and the referee (Andy D’Urso – another Prem ref) does absolutely nothing about it. It’s all Hartlepool and in the last minute they get the obligatory free kick from the edge of the box which gets all fans on the edge of seats and saying prayers. Austin is obviously put off by me shouting ‘fuck off’ at the computer and shoots wide.

The added three minutes produce nothing of note and the final whistle goes to signal an amazing thing – Lee Barnard completes 90 minutes for Saints. The game had finished and we had won, which is all that matters. Yes, we only really played for about 30 minutes of the 90 and yes, Hartlepool maybe deserved a draw as they had a good go considering where they are in the league but as you know, you don’t always get what you deserve in football. For example, do Pompey deserve to be in the FA Cup Semi-Final bearing in mind they’ve cheated? No they don’t. That said, I hope Hartlepool stay up as they won’t be able to afford Richey Humphreys Big Burger Boy Bonus if they go down. Three points for SFC and the gap to the playoffs is now 11 points but nothing changes in reality as we still have to win every game.

Pards post-match interview was class. I particularly like the fact that he admits that he messed up with the formation at the start of the game and he also gave very good insight into why younger players would find it hard not to be thinking of the Wembley date on Sunday. I’ve said this before but I never read a Pards interview and think he’s hiding something or talking rubbish. I must hook out some Burley and Poortvliet interviews for a comparison.

Next up is the JPT Final versus Carlisle at Wembley, in case you didn’t know. I repeat the message to remember that the clocks go forward an hour on Sunday night. Bring it on.

League 1 Match 36 - MK Dons 0 Southampton 3

Super Willy models the new MK Dons Keepers kit.

What can you say about MK Dons that hasn’t already been said? Not a lot only that our record against them this season reads Played 3 Won 3 Lost 0. Despite this stat, their Assistant Manager, Karl Robinson, feels that they have ‘sussed us’. The Fake Dons fans must be comforted to know that things are going to be different this time according to guru Karl. Rumour has it that whenever Arsene Wenger has a particularly difficult game coming up, he phones Karl for advice and Fabio Capello is entertaining the thought of taking Karl to the World Cup in case he can’t cope. On the other hand, rumour also has it that at the end of the season, I will be running a poll to identify the ‘Leagueoneminus10 Prick of the Year’ Winner and Karl may or may not feature.

When Pards joined us as manager, you could read the views of many a Charlton fan who slated him for his wacky team selections – right backs at left back and vice versa etc. Turns out it was mainly bollocks but today there is a strange one in that with Wayne Thomas injured, Dan Harding is moved to right back and Joseph Mills comes in on the left. The obvious choice would have been to put Lloyd James at right back but he was so abysmally bad when he came on as sub last week, I’d have thought Bart was the next choice. Also left out was Radhi Jaidi but he was replaced by the much more obvious choice of Dan Seaborne.

The first half was predominantly shit. We had an early chance with a Lallana shot being blocked on the line after two minutes but otherwise we were shit. The Fakes had one decent chance when Ginger bloke stole in on a cross and volleyed it back the way it came, straight out for a throw in.

The second half started with Davis sending a big boot downfield which was headed straight up in the air by the Fake Dons centre back, the goalkeeper, our old mate Willy Slice it Gueret came for a punch and was comprehensively outjumped by Sir Rickie who headed it into the recently vacated net. Willie should be referred to as Super Willie Gueret from now on – a) because he’s Super for us every time we play them and b) it sounds like a porn star.

Davis had to be at his best a few minutes later as Jermaine Easter managed to acrobatically hook it goalwards, only for Super Kelvin to take off and turn it away. This was a bit of a key moment as following a corner up the other end, Fonte ended up on the left wing and decided to have a run at the full back. He beat him on the outside and forged into the box where he was shot by a sniper. To be fair, I think it was a foul but he sure made a meal of it. Up stepped Sir Rickie and buried the penalty bottom left, despite Super Willie going the right way.

On 75 came the final nail in the Fake Dons coffin and made sure of the 4 wins out of 4 when Sir Rickie expertly controlled another Davis bomb and having chested it down, volleyed it over Super Willie (who was not having a good day) from 40 yards. The ball went miles up in the air before crashing down to earth and bouncing down behind the line for a quite stunning goal and what a strike to seal Sir Richard Lambert's first hat-trick for the mighty SFC. You really can’t attach any blame to Super Willie for the goal as no keeper on earth would have been back on his line at that point. I remember James Beattie scoring a similar goal for us at Sunderland a few years back and you couldn’t blame the keeper for that one either.

It was time to take off the forwards as we wouldn’t be needing them for the rest of the game with Waigo and Connolly taking the places of Lambert and Barnard. The rest of the game kind of played itself out with no real incident other than the Fake Dons backroom team getting all irate with the referee and the 14 year old girl who was running the line.

You know the game is won when Wotton is brought on and he replaced Schneiderlin at the last. To complete the comedy for the day – Luke Chadwick was announced as Man of the Match. I assume that can only be for home players then? Of the home players, I think the performance of Super Willie did more than most to influence the result.

Final score 3-0 and 10-2 on a four game aggregate. Jesus, just imagine what the aggregate score could have been if Karl hadn’t sussed us out. An additional thing to consider is that one of the Fake dons goals was scored by Jason Puncheon who is now of course, a Saint.

The first half was what has become a typical away performance for us – kind of listless and disinterested and needing a spark. Whether it was what Pards said at half time or just Sir Rickie sparking to life that made the difference – who knows ? What we do know though is that without being ever brilliant in the 2nd half, we were as efficient as you can be on a shite pitch and so what if 3-0 flattered us a bit. A bizarre stat from the game is that Kelvin Davis got two assists, twice providing the scoring pass. In the days that are to come, I look forward to hearing the words and wisdom of Karl – impart your wisdom on us oh wise one. I expect that the better side lost and we over celebrated.

There is no real point in talking about the playoff picture and our potential to be in it aside from saying that we have to win every game from now to the end of the season – simple. Next up is Hartlepool at home on Tuesday night and it’ll be interesting to see what the right back situation will bring us. Harding did a job at right back without being spectacular but I don’t think it’s the long term answer. I would expect Lloyd James to start on Tuesday as a bit of a JPT Final audition. I would also expect Dan Seaborne to keep his place on Tuesday as well to ensure Jaidi is completely right for the Final. On another matter, Tuesday night will be the last midweek home game that I’ll be missing for a while having finally been made redundant... my next game will be at that big place in London and Karl Robinson will be watching it on the telly.

All together... Rickie Lambert, Southampton Goal Machine...

League 1 Match 35 - Southampton 0 Swindon 1

Swindon at home on a Tuesday night and a rarity for yours truly in that I was present for a midweek game. I’m not going to expand on that too much other than to say it had something to do with the Saint who drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Anyhow, Swindon, currently in 6th place in the table, having beaten us 1-0 in the 3rd game of the season – needed to be put in their place for Saints to have any chance of maintaining their slim chance of making the playoffs.

The team was somewhat predictable with Wayne Thomas coming in for the injured Otsemobor at right back. Pards resisted the urge to tinker anywhere else with Jaidi making his 2nd game in four days – it’s remarkable what competition for places will do for a players belief that he can’t play three times in a week.

Saints started by zipping the ball about and you got the impression that we were going to try and bulldoze Swindon in the same way we did to Huddersfield. One important difference was obvious straight away which was that Swindon had a midfield who could cope. Puncheon in particular was struggling from the start as he never got the ball with less than two men confronting him as Swindon were working so hard.

With Swindon winning the midfield battle, it was down to good old long ball to make inroads and we nearly did after Barnard was bundled over when trying to control a cultured punt upfield from the subtle left boot of Radhi Jaidi. Sir Rickie sized up the free kick from just left of centre and curled it over the wall and into the net in customary fashion. Up jumped the Chapel and the Kingsland before realising the ball had landed on top of the net, having cleared the bar by inches. As a fan, you always feel a bit of a plum when you do that.

Swindon’s ex-Poole Town striker Charlie Austin then took centre stage – first off with a flying elbow in Jaidi’s face which really should have brought more action than just giving a free-kick from the referee and then finding himself completely free on the edge of the box and dragging his shot wide.

It was predominantly Saints though and we again were standing up and shouting before sitting down again when Barnard laid back to Hammond who fired from 20 yards, against the post for Barnard to tap in the rebound. Up went the bloody flag - I think that this is the third time this has happened to Barnard since he’s been with us.

We threatened again just before half time when a Thomas header was parried out and Schneiderlin’s effort was cleared off the line. It was shaping up to be one of those days. We’d not played particularly well but had had by far the better of the chances. For their part, Swindon had dug in and played some decent stuff when they got the ball.

At half time I laughed out loud. This time it wasn’t the guy who makes animal noises through a rolled up programme but his mate – the one who spends the whole game whining ‘why did he do that ?’ and other such stupind questions. The half time classic was ‘I think we’re gonna bring on that Puppy Waigo’. He then repeated the same thing he’d said at least 15 times in the first half which was ‘Why is that winger (Puncheon) having a bad game ?’ Moaning bastard. Shut up you fool.

The second half started with Swindon having the best spell of the game, moving the Saints defence around and looking threatening with none of the Saints midfeild really helping out the defence much. On 55 minutes came the breakthrough as Austin found himself one on one with Davis who came out 2nd best as Austin skipped round him to score. It’s tough to have a pop at the keeper when a 1v1 ends up in the net but to me, Kelvin didn’t do enough. He came out too far, ended up outside the penalty area and then kind of sat down. Regardless, all too easy and 1-0 to Swindon.

Ten minutes later after more huff and puff from the Saints there was an incident in the Kingsland when a certain somebody asked ‘Where is Lambert playing?’ and a certin somebody else snapped a bit with ‘centre fucking forward where he always fucking plays, stop fucking moaning for a minute’. It wasn’t the most literate of responses I grant you though there were lots of people sniggering.

Swindon’s attacking spell was over and again it was all Saints but there seemed to be no conviction or belief that we were ever going to score. The closest thing came when Sir Rickie picked up the ball in the inside left channel and curled a lovely shot onto the bar and out again. By this time Waigo and come on for Barnard to absolutely no effect so Pards tried to make up for that by replacing Hammond and Thomas with Connolly and James.

We went with three up front and the idea was clearly for Lloyd James to get some decent crosses in from the right which Thomas is never going to do. The next ten minutes followed a similar pattern whereby the ball would be worked out to James on the right and he’d hit the first defender, scuff it along the ground or mis-control the ball. At a guess, 8 crossing opportunities resulted in 0 decent crosses into the box. At 1-0 down and having to win it really would have been better putting Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain on, in the mystifying absence of Michail Antonio from the bench.

James contributed something at last by being on the receiving end of a bad lunge which resulted in a 2nd yellow card for Ferry and there was just enough time left for a Waigo shot to be saved and for Puncheon to put the rebound over the bar. Five minutes of injury time and nothing happened. Saints 0 Swindon 1 – leage season over, for us anyhow.

You could argue that Swindon deserved the win because they defended in a very committed way but the bottom line is that we had loads of chances even though we didn’t play well and should have won. There seemed to be an anxiety about us in the final third. For Saints there were too many poor individual performance with Puncheon being generally well shackled and Lallana being non-existant. Lambert is quite clearly knackered and only came to life in the last 10 minutes and Barnard was all effort for no reward. Schneiderlin showed up well but Hammond had an off day. The bright spark of the day was provided by Connolly who is a class player – if only he could stay fit.

Not a good day at the office but at least the stupid whining bastard who sits behind me was quiet from the 65th minute onwards. As I was walking out someone tapped me on the shoulder and an old boy said 'Well done son, I've been waiting all season for someone to say something to him'

League 1 Match 34 - Southampton 1 Leeds 0

Jose Fonte quite clearly fouling someone. Good decision.

For this and more incredible pics of why Jaidi's goal was disallowed. See http://www.saintsfc.co.uk/page/Gallery/0,,10280~1993364,00.html

And the big games keep on coming with the visit of Dirty Leeds to St Mary’s. Up until Christmas, Leeds appeared to be running away with the division and then they beat Man Utd in the FA Cup at Old Trafford, a result which appears to have thrown a bit of a spanner in the works. Prima Donna Jermaine Beckford immediately handed in a transfer request, obviously thinking that a big club would snap him up and ever since then, Leeds have stuttered along and are now several points behind leaders Norwich and just beginning to anxiously look over their shoulders at the chasing pack.

Back to Beckford for a minute – how do you define a big club? I mean, would you leave Leeds to go to Wigan, Hull or Portsmouth. Leeds get twice the gates of those clubs and could easily be in the same division as them next year… I know where I’d rather be, given the choice. I guess I’m hoping that some of Saints better players think the same way as me in the summer, in case some of the shite Premiership clubs come sniffing. Maybe I’m naïve and underestimating the role that short term money plays in the whole thing. Anyway, my opinion of Beckford before this game was that he’s a player with pace and a good finish but he’s of questionable character and he has a neck tattoo which makes him a berk. He’s a stupid hat away from being a member of N-Dubz.

The highlight of the build up for Saints had been the interview with Don Nicola Cortese in which he answered a load of fans questions in a very forthright and professional manner. I had kind of done this arse backwards, as I had read the hysterical reaction to what he had said, before I’d actually heard him say it – which meant I got a tabloid view of it all. For example – ‘He’s going to move us from St.Mary’s’ and a load of vitriol about him getting deluded because of take up on the JPT Final tickets (44,000 sold). What he actually said was that he hadn’t ruled it out if problems with St Mary’s with the traffic etc couldn’t be sorted. The highlight for me was his pop at the Pompey administrator and the lengths he had gone to to try and help Wembley stage the JPT final and give us more tickets. In summary, he’s a bloody good Chairman to have.

Saints were unchanged again with the only change being on the bench where David Connolly was finally fit for some sort of action. Also worth noting was that the referee was on loan from the Premiership, Mr Peter Walton, who would therefore be of the same standard as Howard Webb who brilliantly refereed the Skates match.

Saints customary fast strat saw the first threat come from Lambert as he reached a Hammond cross and headed narrowly over. Hammond was again involved in another great chance for Saints as his long range blast was parried by Ankergren in the Leeds goal, just past the onrushing Lallana. Jaidi then rose like a very large salmon, tightly marked by fresh air and looped a header over from the penalty spot. He had enough time to bring it down, have a cup of tea, have a bath, win another 100 caps for Tunisia and then score but chose not to. Puncheon then cut in from his right wing and worked the ball onto his left foot for what I assumed was to be the curling effort to the far post. This time however, he whipped it near post and struck the upright. Bugger!!!

There was a bit of a setback on 20 minutes as Leeds broke down our right and Otsemobor just seemed to be jogging alongside the Leeds winger without putting a challenge in. A minute later it became apparent why as he hobbled off to be replaced by Wayne 12 points Thomas the Tank who immediately produced a lung busting run up the wing at a fair pace. Once he gets going, Thomas is bloody quick which explains why the traffic police can never catch him.

It’s all Saints and it’s still 0-0 but not for much longer as Sir Rickie nodded down a Lallana cross to Puncheon who kind of scuffed it across the goal to where Harding was standing in an acre to tap it into the unguarded net. Harding had had a crap time when he was a Leeds player so scoring in front of their fans must have been nice and there certainly seemed to be an element of goading as he ran past. The last Saints player who did that with Leeds fans was Patrick Colleter, French psychopath full back, who ended up getting thumped in the face for his trouble.

Another glorious chance fell to Barnard a few minutes later but he managed to hit the defender on the line from six yards. The, in the 35th minute, the Premiership ref got renamed TWITB – The Wanker in the Black. Before a corner can be taken, TWITB calls over Fonte and a Leeds player and presumably instructs them to stop the pushing. As Puncheon takes the corner, Leeds player grabs Fonte round the neck and Fonte shoves him away – the ball ends up in the net courtesy of a close range bundled finish by Jaidi and it’s a free kick to Leeds. No one knows why and no one seems too surprised.

No one is also surprised a minute later when Barnard is taken out by Naylor when clean through and nothing is given. A free kick means a red card and TWITB doesn’t want to give out one of those so of course, it’s ‘play on’. So, Barnard gets booked for diving.. of course not. Barnard should of, at that point, asked to be substituted as even if he’d been decapitated, he’d have been penalised for having blonde hair or something. Premiership Ref: You’re having a laugh. There’s time for another presentable chance to be squandered by Lallana but half time arrives with it still at 1-0.

We were pissing it on all counts except for the scoreline and had played some fantastic stuff. It really should have been 3-0 but surely Leeds couldn’t be that bad in the 2nd half and only being 1-0 up may come back to bite us. My half time enjoyment is again interrupted by the complete moron who sits behind me, again turning his programme into a makeshift trumpet and making animal noises. As far as half time entertainment goes, it’s right up there with Dennis Rofe serenading the faithful at The Dell in the 90s, wearing just a t-shirt and shorts despite the sub zero temperatures. Unlike with Dennis though, I’m near enough to this guy to thump him… should I so wish to

The second half brings a Leeds attack and surprise surprise, another hoof forward and this time it bounces and Jaidi and Beckford compete for the ball – well, Jaidi competes and he doesn’t take his eye off it once. Beckford decides to compete by throwing himself to the ground. He really is a tool.

We then saw an example of a really retarded football rule as Puncheon went up with a Leeds player (McSheffrey) and there was a clash of heads or something. McSheffrey came off worse and for that reason, TWITB booked Puncheon. Play was restarted with a Leeds free kick and because he’d been treated by the physio, Puncheon had to wait on the touchline until the free kick was airborne. McSheffrey was also treated by the physio but had to be substituted and their sub came straight on and went into an attacking position. So, Leeds had a free kick and it was 11v10 in their favour. You may think it’s fair enough as it had been deemed a foul by Puncheon but if Punch had had to be substituted and McSheffrey hadn’t, it would have been 11v10 in our favour. Like I say – retarded and I wonder if TWITB had ever thought of this – I doubt it.

The rest of the second half was odd in that nothing really happened. Certainly, neither keeper had to make a save of note as both sides huffed and puffed without creating much. Sir Rickie was struggling to hold the ball up and the introduction of Waigo livened things up but brought no clear cut chance. Some little shit called Gradel came on for Leeds and he had been on the pitch about 10 seconds before he tangled with Harding and then appeared to lash out out him. Looked a red card as clear as you like but TWITB did nothing. Maybe he was intimidated by Gradel who looked the size of Shaun Wright-Phillips aside from the blond streak he has in his hair which makes his head look like an inverted arse. Seeing that you could now get away with anything, Cap’n Hammond tried his best to get sent off by aiming a two footed scythe (a Wotton) at someone having just been booked for tapping the ball away as Leeds won a free kick. The Wotton was one that the man himself would have been proud of as the ball had gone a good three seconds before it happened.

Leeds for their part did absolutely bugger all for the rest of the game expect rain long balls down on Jaidi and Fonte. I couldn’t believe how ‘long ball’ they were. How the hell did this lot win at Old Trafford and how the hell have they got loads more points than us – I guess they can’t always be this bad. The five minutes of added time were negotiated without any alarm whatsoever and the final whistle brought cheers from 31,000 people and one man made duck noises through a rolled up programme.

In the second half, the three best players on the pitch were all centre halves. Kisnorbo for Leeds, wearing the turban was immense and kept Sir Rickie quiet all game. For Saints, Fonte was class and completely unflappable at all times but the rock was Jaidi who must have headed away over 30 balls into the box. I repeat that I can’t believe how clueless Leeds were to keep hoofing balls down on top of him as Becchio and Beckford clearly didn’t fancy the physical challenge and didn’t win a thing in the air all game. Leeds for their part, should still go up and I kind of hope they do but if they play like this for the rest of the season then they’ll be in the playoffs where they will lose, again.

In his interview after the game, Dan Harding was asked if it meant more that usual to score against Leeds and he lied, horribly, great wobbly dangly load of bollocks. “Not particularly”, said Dan. Yes Dan, I believe you. Anyhow, up to 47 points and now 10th and nothing to say except that we just have to keep winning. Next up, Tuesday night, Swindon at home and the big games just keep on coming.

League 1 Match 33 - Tranmere 2 Southampton 1

Sir Rickie and Deano play 'Spot the Wanker'

It's an interesting day for yours truly - I am out on the beer tonight with my mates from school and guess where my school was .... Portsmouth and so guess who all this crowd of mates support... The Cheating Skate Bastards. As we were drinking in Southsea I knew I was going to take a load of shite for the 4-1 defeat and I also knew that I woulod be unable to really give it loads regarding my opinions on their shitty club. It's hard to talk too loudly when you have a peg on your nose to keep the smell out so what I really needed was at least one of two things today - a Saints win at Tranmere and the Skates getting knocked out of the FA Cup by Birmingham.

On the back of our two big home wins comes a trip to Tranmere who are hovering just above the relegation zone, their new manager having managed to improve on the results achieved by John Barnes, possibly the worst manager ever. All the pre-match stuff coming from the Saints camp in the week had been about the need to prove ourselves on poor pitches. Whilst I agree that this is true, I also think that if you make a massive issue out of something then it becomes more of a problem.

It always makes me laugh when professional footballers make an issue out of poor pitches having spent a lifetime playing myself on such billiard tables as The Veracity Ground, Mansel Park and Mayfield Park to name but three. Admittedly, no one besieged internet message boards when the ball took a bobble and I hoofed it in the river. My advice to Pards though is to not train at Staplewood in the lead up to a poor pitch away game but go and train on the Veracity Dogshit Arena for a week.

Our team was unchanged for the game with Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain retaining his place on the bench, meaning that Markus had to cough up approximately another £100 getting his name put on the back of an away shirt as well.

It’s a bright start for Saints and we look to have settled well but the first time Tranmere load the ball into our box, we go 1-0 down as Puncheon (5ft 5ish) was left marking some giant bloke on the back post who headed back across (despite Punch’s efforts to put him off by falling over and trying to bite him on the ankle) and Marlon Broomes had a free header which deflected off of Fonte and past Davis for 1-0.

Similar to the Walsall game when we fell behind early, I was expecting an instant response and we came flying back at them and eight minutes later were level as a Lallana managed to get in a powerful volley (as opposed to his usual half-hit bobbler) which was kicked off the line but he rebound was controlled by Barnard and lashed home. 1-1 and we would now walk this.

The rest of the first half was pretty much all Saints with Lallana managing to skew a shot across the goal when he looked odds-on to score and a Puncheon corner causing havoc with both Fonte and Jaidi just failing to get the important touch. No goal though and Nostradamus Dave Merrington speculated that this would haunt us.

Half time, 1-1

When the second half is analyzed, it can be split into the first 35 minutes and the last 10. The first 35 is quite even with Kelvin making a couple of blocks and the Tranmere keeper doing the same. To summarize, Saints best chances fell to Barnard who forced a great save when he let a long ball roll across him before turning and lashing it first time, Sir Rickie who fired a 30 yard free kick just over and Lallana who got the finishing nightmares again when he hit the keeper when two foot either side would have put us in front again. Overall though, it’s not really happening for Saints and we went into the last 10 with Pards making two substitutions designed to win the game with Papa Waigo and Antonio replacing Barnard and Lallana.

The next chance fell to Tranmere however as some bloke called Edds backed into the penalty area, sensed Dan Seaborne (who had come on for the injured Harding) behind him and fell over him. ‘Penalty’ said no one in particular but the little wanker in the red gave it and after a couple of Saints bookings for dissent, Ian Thomas-Moore scored it despite Davis going the right way. I’ve since watched the decision a couple of times on and all that can be said about it is that it’s a shocker.

The referee managed to show his consistency a couple of minutes later as Fonte went to ground in their box in slightly theatrical fashion and we got the same result, a decision in favour of Tranmere and Southampton players getting booked.

Final Score – Tranmere 2 Southampton FFS FC 1

Just when you thought we may have a chance of sneaking into the playoffs…. no, again. Before the match we were 14 points behind the team in 6th (Huddersfield) and had two games in hand. Now, we’re 15 points behind Millwall with just the one game in hand. It could have been a worse day however with both Huddersfield and Swindon losing.

So why the non-performance today? I find it hard to believe that the players rolled up thinking they just had to turn up to win but one or two did sound flat for today. Whilst the referee can take some of the blame, the fact is that we should be much better than these teams and the odd dodgy decision by the ref shouldn’t enter into the equation. Having said that though – we wouldn’t have lost if it hadn’t been for a shite decision for the penalty and we did have chances to win this but unlike the past two matches, we didn’t take them. A more general observation would be that we do not get the same command of the midfield in away games when the pitch prevents us passing the ball.

We have a week off now before next Saturday against Leeds, swiftly followed by Tuesday at home to Swindon. Like the Walsall and Huddersfield double, we have to win them both and you know what – I reckon we will. We’ll reel it in again and start believing again and then it’s MK Dons away on their cabbage patch who we’ve already beaten three times this season and you just know what will happen there… unless we train on the Veracity Dogshit Ground the week before….

As for my night on the beer in Southsea - I just drank to dull the pain of the football, it was a laugh and they were relatively gentle with me.

League 1 Match 32 - Southampton 5 Huddersfield 0

Police appeal for any witnesses of Trotman whereabouts...

A vital game on a Tuesday night against Huddersfield Town who are in the position we want to be – 6 th in the League in the final playoff position. We can only dream of their points tally at present as they have 17 more than us but … we do have two games in hand. So, with some Peter Storrie maths, if we win tonight and also the two games in hand, we will be thirty eight million points ahead of them. In the third game of the season, Huddersfield beat the shit out of us and won 3-1 when it could have been about 7. Things are a wee bit different now but Huddersfield are still going to be a difficult team to beat, being as they are, unbeaten in 11. They are managed by Lee Clark who was a decent midfield player for Newcastle and Sunderland but I can only remember that picture of him with Newcastle fans, wearing a ‘Thick Mackem bastards’ t-shirt when he was a Sunderland player. Bet that went down well.

The team news was as I hoped with no changes from the weekend and there had been no change of manager - surprise, surprise. Pards removal of Radhi Jaidi with 20 minutes to go had obviously given his old bones enough recovery time to play tonight. Maybe the same will happen again as we have two centre backs on the bench in Thomas and Seaborne alongside the shirt printers nightmare, 16 year old Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, an attacking midfielder and son of former England winger Mark Chamberlain – stolen off of the Skates when they were cost cutting. In the Huddersfield side is Saints Legend (of sorts) and hero of this blog, Neal Trotman who will hopefully have one of his 50p head games where it always goes sideways or straight up in the air.

As regular readers may remember, I was supposed to be unemployed at this point and not working in Dublin any more. However, they realised that they couldn’t do without me and I managed to sponge another month out of it. It’s a bit like being on death row but as a consequence, I was missing tonights game and in the Internet Café listening to the Kris and Dave Show via the Saints Player Silence and Interference Service.

The first chance arrives within the first five minutes as Saints build up the right and Otsemobor’s cross is met by Hammond who headed narrowly wide. It didn’t take long before the Huddersfield defence cracked as Jason Puncheon tricked his way down the right wing before sending over a cross that Sir Rickie met (having leapt like a large Scouse salmon) and headed in off the bar. Where was Trotters? 1-0

Saints were threatening to overrun Huddersfield who despite sporadic forays into our half and the menace of the girly named Jordan Rhodes, weren’t really at the races. Ten minutes later it was 2-0 as Hammond managed to dig out a cross from the right wing and this time it was Lee Barnard’s turn to leap and flick a header over Smithies in the Huddersfield goal. Where was Trotters ?

It’s nearly 3-0 on 31 minutes as following a Dan Harding run and pass, Barnard turns and shoots narrowly wide. It’s all fantastic and then I am given a crushing reminder of where I am as Kris Temple treats us to a one man rendition of the ‘Lee Barnard’ crowd chant. I really hope that Dave Merrington beat the living crap out of him afterwards for that one as it was one of those 'pull the plug out' moments.

There was a long boring period of the game for 90 seconds before Sir Rickie nods a ball down to Puncheon who decides to replay his goal from Saturday as he cuts inside onto his left foot and curls a shot in off the far post for 3-0. Another brilliant goal and where was Trotters? He obviously didn’t watch the video of our game v Walsall.

More, more, more and Sir Rickie lines up a free kick from half way up The Avenue and smashes it goalwards, forcing Smithies into a very sharp save. There is no time for much else before half time unless you count a weak header from Rhodes or another move from Saints which ends in Lallana stabbing wide after great work from Lambert and Barnard.

Half time and it’s only 3-0, Pardew out FFS!

The first twenty minutes of the second half, were untypical of the game as a whole because we didn’t score. We did have the ball in the net however as Hammond headed across goal and it somehow went in via a deflection or three but it was disallowed out of sympathy. Speculation was mounting that it would be the day that Schneiderlin got his first goal for Saints and the moment nearly arrived on 63 minutes but Smithies was right behind his effort.

Huddersfield’s dismal evening was made apparent by the fact that they made their third and final substitution straight afterwards and ten minutes later their day went from bad to very bad as Hammond got his head to a corner at the near post and made it 4-0. Let me see… that’s three goals from headers and where was Trotters? The Moron show on Solent is waxing lyrical about Jose Fonte and it really is easy to understand why as he’s different class to any other defender on the pitch. Consider that we all thought Trotman was half decent when he played for us and then compare to Fonte, who was his replacement.

Into the home straight and Papa Waigo and Danny Seaborne come on for Barnard and Jaidi and Ole, Ole, Ole football has broken out on the pitch as Saints play keep ball and generally take the piss. Anyone remember the keep ball in the Branfoot era?… centre back passes to left back and then Franny wafted it off the pitch. Genius. We want five, we want five and we get five as Waigo collects a lovely ball from Sir Rickie, hangs around a bit until defenders close him down, beats them, beats the keeper, pirouettes and then scores. Where was Trotters?

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain was given five minutes in place of Sir Rickie at the end and managed to find time to clatter someone and then fire a decent chance over the bar after being teed up by Lallana who then starred in the final move of the match as Saints brilliantly passed their way all the way up the pitch before Lallana and Puncheon got in each others way, forcing Puncheon to fire over. Full time, 5-0.

Having not been at the match, all I can do by way of a summary is relay what my I’ve been told by people who went. They picked out Puncheon and Barnard as the best of a very good bunch but also thought that the game was won in central midfield by Hammond and Schneiderlin which personally, is what I’m most pleased about. We stuck five past Walsall at the weekend but they were abysmal. We stuck five past Huddersfield today and they are a good side who have already beaten us once and have been on a very good run of form.

So, Pardew out anyone? Didn’t think so. Consecutive home wins, scored 10, conceded 1. The gap to 6th place is now 14 points and we have two games in hand. Difficult but possible I’d have said especially with 9 of our remaining 15 games being at home. If teams were not looking at Saints as a threat before then I would think they are now, especially if they are about to play us at SMS where Leeds (currently 2nd) and Swindon (5th) are our next visitors. Next up though is one of those kind of games where we’ve fallen down recently, Tranmere away. They are in the relegation places and they were completely abysmal at SMS so we really should win that one. I would think they will be a wee bit worried.

Brilliant few days, Come on you Reds!!!

Ha Ha You're Dead

I have way too much time on my hands....