League 1 Match 24 - Colchester 2 Southampton 1

Excerpt from Aidy Hoofroyd Coaching Manual

A trip to the new Weston Homes Crap Name Community Stadium in Colchester to play against Aidy Hoofroyd’s charges was next up for saints, a mere 48 hours after the last game. I will start off by saying that I hate Aidy Hoofroyd and his methods of playing football – all long ball and niggle. He managed to get Watford promoted to the Premiership once and the following season got found out in spectacular fashion when the Plan A that he always used wasn’t so effective when you didn’t have the ball. I bet he’s got every coaching badge under the sun which is a savage indictment of that particular system. I believe here that I may have repeated what I said in the blog when we played them at home so the charge of ‘lazy journalism’ could be directed at me. All I’m trying to do is increase my chances of getting a job at The Daily Echo..

Pards responded to the opposition with Jaidi replacing Perry at the back and Wayne ’12 points’ Thomas coming in at right back. This meant James moving into midfield at the expense of Connolly who was benched. Antonio was preferred to Waigo which I was a bit disappointed with but maybe Colchester in the fog and cold would be too much of a culture shock for the man from Senegal. At the kick off, news filtered through that Jacob Mellis has returned to Chelsea and his loan is not being extended. Don’t let the door hit your ass.

I heard about the team changes via my car radio on my way to ….. Portsmouth, where once again, my kids had decreed that I take them on a match day. Surely there must be a decent swimming pool with an SO post code. There is one thing that you can always count on when you go to Portsmouth and that is that there will always be a big queue of traffic trying to get out. I’m better organized than before with my phone in a hold-all that is not in a locker. Luckily, my kids can swim well enough to not drown, so I can nip out every so often and keep track of the game.

Twenty minutes gone and nothing has happened. Beep, beep, 1-0 Colchester, sod it. I decided at this point that it was to be a game that would be better viewed every half hour or so – in short, I had a feeling that the curse of Hoofroyd was going to strike again. From the highlights it looks like a piss-poor goal with Trotman 50p-heading a bread and butter punt forward behind him. Half time arrived with it still at 1-0 and not a lot of chances for that to change.

Pards made a change at half time with Connolly replacing Schneiderlin and after 15 minutes of nothing, Waigo replaced the disappointing Antonio. Ten minutes later and Saints and Waigo had the ball in the net but it was disallowed for offside. The main shock of this incident was that the offence was against Lallana and not the goalscorer.

Three minues later and Saints again threaten as a Lambo free-kick is well saved before Colchester sprang upfield and took a two nil lead thanks to some more shambolic defending, lots of bodies about but no one doing anything decisive and ‘have as much space as you like’.

And so it continued and the fog came down and the temperature went down as well. Ninety minutes were up and still we pressed forward and Cap’n Hammond was senselessly hacked down by the keeper when running away from goal. Maybe the keeper thought no one would see it in the fog. Give us a penalty and the usual will happen in that Lambert will smash it in the net. 2-1 and 4 minutes to be added. Could we?

No.

Final whistle and a 2-1 defeat. I hate losing to Hoofroyd teams and we’ve done it again. Pards seems to hate losing to Hoofroyd teams as well as he’s very pointed in his post-match comments, talking of ballboys holding onto the ball, intimidation from the Colchester players, off the ball incidents etc. Like I said at the start, all long ball and niggle. However, you have to rise above all that stuff and I’m sure that Pards knows that. I can’t help but feel that Hoofroyd stole a bit of a march on Pards by not naming Clive Platt (basketball player who usually plays up front) in the side whereas Pards set up to combat Platt and the tactics that invariably follow when he plays. Hoofroyd will continue to do well for Colchester and if he stays they’ll do well in a limited way. If that’s what you take your FIFA Coaching badges for though then you can stick them where the sun don’t shine.

It’s a disappointing result but I think we’re still in a good place and we’ll continue pushing on up the league in the coming months. January is nearly upon us and with it, the opening of the transfer window so many questions will be answered. Will Antonio stay and if he does, will he manage to become a two-trick pony ? Will Trotters be kept on or bought, if not then I’m going to have no one to write about. Will we pinch any more players off of rivals in this league or maybe even players from the Championship. I’d like to see a decent winger signed as our service into Lambert is often shocking and maybe another strong midfield player to compliment Hammond and give Schneiderlin some more competition. Also, it would be nice to see some of the Previous Regime Legacy shite moved on like Molyneux, Pulis and Lancashire. There are a few others I wouldn’t be crying about either if they left, like Lee Holmes and Abysmal Forecast.

I had managed to escape Portsmouth though the queue to get out was still massive. We did have our papers checked by tracksuited tattooed chavs before we were allowed on the M27 and we held our breath until Fareham and then we were home free.

Happy New Year everyone and what a tumultuous year it’s been for Saints. At the start of the year we had Jan The Fucking Moron Poortvliet (to give him his full title) as Manager and Rupert Lowe as Chairman. Things as you know got progressively worse (Administration, 10 point deductions, relegation, Lord Mawhinney, nearly ceasing to exist, Pinnacle, Micky Fialka) until on day in August when a certain Swiss man rocked up and took over. It’s been upwards ever since and I think it will continue to be that way. So we lost today – look at the big picture and see that it whilst it matters, it isn’t the end of the world. We won’t have many tougher games than this, this season and as it stands we have a very good chance of a Wembley appearance and a decent shout at getting in the playoffs. I’d have settled for that in June / July time, f’sure. Like it says in those Guinness ads, good things come to those who wait (and to those who are not irrationally impatient)…

Happy New Year !!!

League 1 Match 23 - Southampton 3 Exeter 1

Will Neal 'the bus' Trotman be wearing this at SMS again ?

Exeter City at home in the traditional Boxing Day fixture where a larger than usual proportion of the crowd were nursing a hangover. Personally, I love the Boxing Day fixture as it gets me out of the house and away from setting up and playing games with my kids who by this stage, have driven me nuts and kicked my ass on whatever game we’ve been playing. Mario Kart… Jesus Christ!!! Anyhow…

Following our defeat last week by Leeds I read that someone with a calculator had decreed that we needed to win 14 out of our remaining 22 matches to have a chance of the playoffs. With our current form, it doesn’t sound too far fetched to imagine us getting that but one of the 14 really had to come today, against an Exeter side who were just about keeping their heads above water in their first season in League 1. You’ve got to admire a side that has won two successive promotions from Blue Square to League 1 and done it playing decent football under the guidance of former Saints reserve-who-never-really-made-it, Paul Tisdale.

In the build-up, Pards had made mention of the Colchester away game in two days time and that some players wouldn’t be able to manage two games in three days. My suspicion that he was talking about Jaidi was confirmed when Trotman lined up alongside Perry in defence. Schneiderlin made a welcome return in midfield in place of Thomas with James going to right back and the interchangeable Waigo and Antonio were interchanged again with Antonio starting.

For the first 10 minutes it’s Exeter with all the pretty football and Saints trying to win the ugly battle and making sure Exeter didn’t get anything early. At the forefront of this effort was Neal Trotman. I have a theory that Trotman may be blind or have some sort of spatial awareness problem because if a forward gets in his way, he just smashes through them. When he gets it right it’s fantastic as he clears the ball and the opposition player is left limping and wondering who threw a bus at him. Bart came for a cross at one point and Trotters predictably ignored him and headed it straight up in the air and we were fortunate that the ball ended up looping wide from the resulting confusion.

On 13 minutes, Saints got the ball down and played for the first time and James got forward from right back and picked up a ball from Antonio and cut in, onto his left foot before hitting a daisy cutter which took a deflection off a back-pedalling defender and settled in the corner of the net where the keeper wasn’t. Ok, a lucky goal but he won’t give a toss as it was his first for the club and we didn’t give a toss either as we were 1-0 up.

Suddenly it looked like there were many goals there for the taking with Exeter looking particularly weak when defending set pieces. From a short corner, James whipped in a good cross for Connolly to steal in front of the keeper and back-header onto the bar and out to a startled looking defender who nearly plonked his header back in his own goal – which would have been hilarious. It was a temporary reprieve for Exeter though as on 26 minutes, from a James free kick on the right, Trotman rose above a very weak flappy challenge from the keeper and thumped in a header for 2-0.

Hammond and Schneiderlin were finally taking control of the midfield area and frustration seemed to get the better of Troy Archibald-Henville-Fortesque-Smyth-Biggles who went in late and high on Schneiderlin and after the ensuing melee which Lallana had no need to get involved in, got shown a staright red. Having watched the incident again, I don’t really think the red was for the tackle but for grabbing Lallana by the throat afterwards. He had to go really but would he have been sent off if Lallana had not got in his face? Anyway, a red card for having a stupid name is a three game ban and Exeter were really looking down the barrel now, or they should have been at least.

Half time , two nil, more please.

The start of the second half was fairly subdued and it took me ten minutes or so to realise that we were just trying to play the game out and nothing much was happening. It took another 10 minutes for me to realise that we aren’t good enough to just play the game out and look forward to the next game in two days time. Lallana was subbed and worryingly disappeared straight down the tunnel. Joseph Mills came onto the left hand side and immediately had a decent run and shot over the bar. The service into Lambert and Connolly was poor though with many crosses from James, Antonio and Mills ending up behind the goal or as catching practice for the keeper.

Lambert, who looked bored throughout the 2nd half, tried his luck with a free kick from so far out it was practically in Ocean Village which predictably went wide. Slumbers were interrupted though when from a corner a Saints defender (couldn’t see who but I suspect Lambert) got caught under the ball and Taylor had a free header at the back stick to make it 2-1. the game was now officially on and it really shouldn’t have been.

Following the Exeter goal it was obvious that we weren’t going to be able to just play the game out and so Pards brought on Wotton and showed his ruthless side by substituting the substitute with Mills making way. I bet Mills was really pissed off and if I’d have been him, I’d have limped off but to me, it just showed that Pards is really unafraid to make the unpopular and difficult decision. Waigo also replaced the largely ineffective Connolly up front.

The changes took immediate effect as Wotton assumed his usual ‘destructive’ role and bagan snapping into tackles in that Neanderthal way of his. The other substitution was more noticeably effective as Saints broke and the ball was poked through by Lambert to Waigo who had managed to stay onside. He cut in from 40 yards out on the left, drew the keeper and slotted it past him and into the corner for 3-1. I never had a seconds doubt that he would score and I really can’t explain that. I can however make a comparison with our offside-ically challenged player of yesteryear, Bradley Wanker-Phillips who used to regularly get himself one on one with the keeper and regularly find new ways to miss. When BWP got through, I never even used to stand up in anticipation because I just knew it wasn’t hitting the onion bag.

As an encore, Waigo produced a comical offside when he looked across the line, saw he was 5 yards off and then made no effort to get back onside before chasing a through ball. I’ll forgive him this one…

With the last move of the match, Lambert hit the bar with a right foot curler before Antonio drilled the rebound straight at the keeper and the referee ended what was an odd sort of match. The upcoming Colchester match had certainly had an effect on this game both with the team selection and the 2nd half lethargy and while Exeter had tried to play some decent stuff, more than us for much of the game, they were a bit lacking up front and at the back and never really threatened to turn it around. I felt like if we’d had to win 4-0 then we could have done. The Exeter fans filed away and returned to their tractors for the drive home – I hope they stay up, I really do as they try and play the right way.

Finally, I have to mention the crowd which at 30,890 is quite staggering for a League 1 fixture. Whilst I don’t expect us to get that many for every match, it would be nice if we could get up to around the 25,000 mark for the rest of what is promising to be quite an exciting second half of the season. It’ll be more exciting than Pompey’s anyway.

And finally, again, I have to mention that this may well be the last home game for Neal Trotman who seems to be returning to his parent club, Preston, on New Years Day. If this comes to pass, it was a nice way for him to finish, scoring in his last game. He's had a lot of decent games for us and has been the butt of many of my jokes so I appreciate his contribution if indeed, that's the end of it. The goal at Southend when he booted the keeper in the net will live long in the memory, as will the own goal at Leyton Orient. Personally, I feel that he would be ok at Championship level, he has a great attitude, infectious enthusiasm and commitment and there is potential for improvement, learning from Jaidi and Perry. As it stands, he would get found out against quicker, more intelligent forwards but we are in League 1 and they are not found below Premiership level. Personally, I think he's worth signing especially with Jaidi and Perry being of pensionable age. Maybe we can take advantage of Preston's financial woes and put in a cheeky bid. The irony of us taking advantage of others financial woes is not lost on me.

If you're reading Neal, which I'm sure you're not, thanks for your performances for the mighty Saints and good luck with whatever comes next...

League 1 Match 22 - Leeds 1 Southampton 0

"Anyone who back heels it is a feckin' show pony..."

Away to Leeds for what was sure to be our toughest match of the season. They’re currently two points clear at the top with a game in hand. A lot of times in this league, we’ve played against teams who are high in the league but all the time, you’ve kind of suspected they wouldn’t be very good. Leeds would be good and it would be a very stern test.

We’ve all seen the footage of that 70s match when they beat us 7-0 and took the piss with a 104 pass move or whatever it was. In the middle of it, some tosser did a totally pre-meditated outrageous back heel flick. Said tosser was Johnny Giles who I now have to watch on RTE in Ireland berating any ‘show-ponying’ that goes on.

A recent memory I have is beating them 1-0 at The Dell and Hassan Kachloul getting sent off for belting Lee Bowyer or Alan Smith (can’t remember which little shit is was). Belting either one of those two should not be a sending off offence in any sport. After that particulatr game, David O’Dreary came up with ‘the referee favoured Southampton throughout’. Hmmmm, that’s how we ended up with 10 players then….

All our yesterdays…today it was a game between two teams who had got lost up financial shit creek without a paddle and were now on their way back. Pards was forced into a change with Schneiderlin ruled out and so Thomas came in at right back with James moving into midfield. Papa Waigo was on the right wing in favour to Antonio, Connolly and Jaidi returned with Mellis and Trotman dropping to the bench where there was a return for a half fit Kelvin Davis who was preferred to a fully fit Terrible Forecast. Talking of terrible forecasts… it was freezing and the pitch had snow all over it.

It’s the biggest match of the season and I’m… Christmas shopping. To make matters worse, my usual fail safe of text updates is denied me because I had a few beers before boarding my plane last night and so a) I nearly missed the flight b) I nearly pissed my trousers and c) I ran through security and managed to leave my phone in the tray in Dublin Airport. Nightmare… as anyone who has ever lost their mobile will testify, it’s like going out and leaving a vital organ behind, especially on a match day.

First half and it’s mostly Leeds with Saints hardly being mentioned in an attacking sense. Looking at our line up with Waigo and Lallana on the wings, it was quite attack minded so it was a little disappointing to be creating so little. To be fair though, we were solid with only half chances coming Leeds’ way. Leeds’ top scorer Jermaine Beckford was clean through at one point but instead of driving into the box and shooting, he allowed Thomas to catch up with him before falling on his arse. It was a nailed on penalty aside from no one touching him and the non-contact being outside the box. His appeals for a pen should really have been met with a yellow card.
Saints first and only shot of the first half arrived on 43 minutes when the ball was laid back to Hammond whose shot was as poor as Gordon Brown’s election chances.

The second half was more even but again you have to say that Leeds were the more likely with Bart pulling off a couple of decent saves. Time passed and it looked like the main danger was removed when Beckford was subbed. I didn’t know too much about Beckford before the game, aside from the goals he’s scored but he threw a big tantrum as he left the pitch. I know you’re playing for a big club son but you’re a League 1 footballer so having a ‘Billy Big Bollocks’ attitude is really quite laughable. Grow up!

A couple of minutes later and what seemed increasingly inevitable happened as Snodgrass, the man with a name like a character in a Carry On film, curled in a quite sublime goal from the edge of the box. No argument with the quality of the finish but the annoying thing is that Harding had the ball five seconds earlier and instead of playing percentages, tried a Hollywood ball from left back out to the right wing which was intercepted. To be fair, Harding is a very solid, no nonsense defender and this will hopefull not happen again.

The subs came on with Antonio and Gobern arriving for Waigo and Thomas and Saints at last managed some pressure with Lambert screwing an effort wide and us having a last minute penalty shout turned down when Antonio was taken out (according to Pards). The last action of the game was a corner which eventually fell to Harding who lashed it wide.

So, no disgrace but no points and a decent showing without being outstanding. I thought before the game that Pards would send out a defensive line-up with James playing in front of Thomas on the right but in fact it was our most attacking line-up of the season so far. Encouragingly, it took a brilliant goal that we could have prevented at source, for the league leaders to beat us. We could have got a 0-0 out of this game with a bit of luck but Leeds just about deserved it so fair enough. As Pards said afterwards, Leeds have been in League 1 for three years and have built things up in that time whereas we have thrown our team together in 5 months.

I think this was a game where anything would have been a bonus and it’s not a real surprise that we lost, disappointing yes but a disaster, no. Exeter at home on Boxing Day and you don’t need so bloke on a blog to tell you, we have to win that one. Merry Christmas one and all.

Look to the future now, it’s only just begun…..

JPT Southern Semi Final - Southampton 2 Norwich 2 (Southampton win 6-5 on pens)

Saints celebrate Trotters not having to take one

Pic from http://www.saintsfc.co.uk/page/Gallery/0,,10280~1906537,00.html

Norwich were our visitors in the More-Important-Than-The-World-Cup Johnstone Paints Trophy Southern Semi Final. By dividing the competition North and South, the organizers were hoping to cut down on travelling for the away teams and their fans so Norwich must have been delighted to get a 400 mile midweek round trip. Serves them right for living there I guess.

Much talk in the build-up, due to our climb up the league, as to whether we should field a full side in this match. Questions like ‘would you rather win tonight or on Saturday at Leeds ?’. This is a dumb question in my book as I believe in being greedy and going for both - aim for the starts and you may get there, aim low and you certainly won't. Too many football matches are lost by managers thinking about the following game rather than the one in front of them. With James, Jaidi, Hammond and Harding all on 4 yellows, it would have been easy to imagine Pards leaving all four out. As it was, he only left out Jaidi with Connolly rested and Antonio dropped to the bench where he sat next to Shocking Forecast. Neal Trotman, Papa Waigo and Jacob Mellis (remember him) coming into the side which lined up in a 4-5-1 formation in front of an incredibly healthy crowd of over 15,400. Let's see how many Pompey get for their upcoming home FA Cup tie.

Saints started well and fashioned an early chance for Mellis which was parried aside by the Norwich keeper after decent build-up from Hammond and Waigo. We didn’t have to wait long for the opening goal as in the 13th minute, Papa Waigo ran onto a defence splitter from James (yes, you heard me) and despite the keeper getting a touch, it just about made it over the line. I think I’m gonna dance now !!!

Norwich then realised that the game had started and responded well with Chris Martin forcing a save from Bart. If it had been Chris Martin from Coldplay then it would have been a goal as Bart would have fallen asleep. More Norwich pressure and from a corner into the box we had “Set Piece Defensive Uncertainty” making an unwelcome return as no one really took charge and the ball fell to Doherty who smashed in the equalizer. I’m sure the Leeds game will see the Return of the Jaidi.

I’m listening to the Kris and Dave show on Solent… Kris fancies himself as a bit of a Motty but as opposed to coming out with a fact along the lines of ‘Saints have only beaten Norwich once when an African player scored and that was in 1934’… he comes out with ‘Papa likes teams that play in yellow’. In a week where the Saints have banned the Daily Echo, can Nicola Cortese also ban Kris Temple for no other reason than that he’s rubbish.

Two minutes to half time and it’s all Norwich and the Saints Player thing, crashes and it takes 25 minutes to get connected again. On the way back it gives me the option of listening to Saints or Norwich commentary. I am tempted with Radio Naarrrrrich but decide to stick with the Kris and Dave comedy hour.

I’m finally back and we have Wotton on for Schneiderlin and a change of tactics with the introduction of the diamond midfield which didn’t seem to sort out any problems and we were soon 2-1 down when following more defensive confusion and a race for the ball which Bart lost, it fell to Chris Martin to roll in for 2-1… and it was all Yellow.

There was more reshuffling from Pards, with Antonio, fresh from his terrible display at the weekend, replacing Mellis. Antonio immediately made a difference though as he ran at the defence and was cynically brought down by Nelson. I’m wondering whether or not, totally cynical fouls should get a red card regardless of whether it’s a goal scoring opportunity or not. I’ve decided that they shouldn’t and yellow is enough because there are enough red cards flying about…. Schneiderlin deliberately tripped a guy on Saturday for example, not viciously but totally deliberately nonetheless.

The game was petering out and to be honest, we never even looked like scoring. The last throw of the dice was to throw on another defender, Thomas, which seemed bizarre but we went 3-5-2 with Harding and Antonio out wide and Lloyd James at sweeper. Kris Temple responded to this interesting tactical development by stating that Saints wouldn’t lose because they only lose at home to teams starting with B…. Brighton, Bristol Rovers and Birmingham. Well done Kris.

In the 3rd minute of the added 3 minutes, pantomime villain Grant Holt decided to feign inury and roll around a lot, causing the referee to stop his watch which gave us a final chance to lob it into the box. From the ensuing ping-pong, the ball fell to Papa Waigo and SMS went nuts. 2-2, seconds to go. Bizarrely, I get a text saying the goal has been scored by Dan Harding… Harding and Waigo look the same after all. Kris is on fire with “2-2, Papa with two goals, teams in yellow, in the JPT, we didn’t lose because Norwich doesn’t start with a B”. Radio Solent have a commentator beginning with a T-W-A-T…..

And so to penalties and in brackets is my confidence that a goal will be scored.

Holt (100%) – he’s a t0sser but it’s too much to hope for…. Goal, 0-1
Lambert (100%) - bang, goal, 1-1
Russell Martin (95%) – goal, 1-2
Waigo (50%) - this could be interesting - goal top corner, I should have had more confidence, 2-2
Chris Martin (90%) – Miss and don’t make any more records!!! – goal, 2-3
James (30%) - not confident in the slightest – missed, 2-3
Nelson (50%) - goal and we're 4-2 down and screwed. Saved by Bart – COME ON!!!, 2-3
Lallana (90%) – goal, finger nails gone, 3-3
Russell (75%) – COME ON BART!!!... goal, 3-4
Wotton (75%) – he’s going to smash it… goal, 4-4

Sudden death and now for the people who really didn’t want to take one

Otsemobor (60%) – goal, it’s always the 6th taker that misses… who’s up for us, 4-5
Hammond (100%) – goal, 5-5
Gill (50%) – young sub, defender, this is a chance…SAVED BY BART, 5-5
Antonio (50%) - to win it - where is Harding !!!! – miss, AAAAARGH!!!, 5-5
McDonald (75%)- another young sub….SAVED BY BART AGAIN!!!!, 5-5

I breathe and ponder who we have left. I make it Harding, Thomas and Bart. I don’t even want to contemplate Trotman who would probably try and head it or tackle it in.
It’s big Wayne Thomas (50%) – Just smash it…..GOAL!!!! Norwich 5 Saints 6. I jump and bang my knuckles on the ceiling.

Kris is on fire with Thomas and Waigo being declared JPT specialists and Saints being on a March to the Arch (I actually quite like the last bit). In the Area final we will be playing my favourites, the fake Dons… and they have Darren Powell. Bring it on.

Overall, it sounds like we didn’t play well but who cares, job done, no yellow cards, bring on Dirty Leeds.

League 1 Match 21 - Southampton 3 Tranmere 0

33% of Tranmere's fans at St Mary's

Tranmere were our visitors today and like everyone that we seem to play, they’ve hit a bit of form and have won their last couple of matches. They are currently being managed by their physio. I can see the logic in this as my sister is a physio and she’d be better at managing Tranmere than John Barnes. Regardless of a couple of wins, I was expecting Saints to be far too strong for todays visitors.

Mention Tranmere to any Saints fan and of course, you think of the 3-0 up, 4-3 down game and forget the fact that we’ve played them since then in the League Cup and won 6-1 in a game that featured a 40 yard lob for a goal from Chrissy Marsden Football Genius.

Today, Pards had a selection issue as Murty had injured his ankle when he dropped his pie on it in training so who would go to right back?. I was hoping that Thomas would slot in there but Liability James returned there with Antonio coming into the midfield on the right. The rest of the team was as you’d expect and Dismal Forecast was on the bench.

And then the first half was shit.

I could really leave it at that but to expand…the football was shit, Saints were shit, Tranmere were shit, the linesman was a different brand of shit altogether and the referee was several different types of shit all piled up on top of eachother.

The linesman, referees assistant or whatever! – Harding wins a tackle and quite clearly knocks it out of play off the Tranny winger… lino gives throw to them though to be fair, he did have a view that was obstructed by fresh air and he was three yards away. Two minutes later, the Tranny right back is looking to play it up the line and the lino is watching for offside instead of watching where the ball was. If he’d watched the ball he would have seen that it was already a yard off the pitch when the pass was played. League 1 lino’s are the best.

From about the 10th minute onwards, Tranmere were intent on spoiling the game as much as possible and were aided and abetted in this by the fat moron with the whistle. I would love this guy to referee Man Utd one week to see what Fergie makes of his fitness levels. Little fat berk. Lallana breaks away with the ball and he brings it back for a foul on Perry who has already got up and was fine. Why ? Is it because he thought Perry was injured or had a head injury… no, it’s because he was a shit ref and shit refs allow shit teams to make a shit match of it. If you clamp down on time-wasting then they can’t do it any more… if you make them leave the pitch to get treated then they won’t lie down for no reason, if you add on the correct amount of injury time, they will be less inclined to waste time etc etc.

There was the odd flash from a few players with Harding, Hammond and Schneiderlin probably being the pick of the bad bunch. The right hand side of our team was abysmal with Antonio and James doing a passable impression of a Comedy double act and a bad one at that – think Cannon and Ball or the Krankies. James is consistently in the wrong place and kicking it anywhere and Antonio is running into blind alleys, forgetting the ball, falling over the ball and generally making me ponder the wisdom of my assertion a few weeks back that we should sign him.

It gets to the half hour mark before anything noteworthy happens and this is a shoving match between Rickie Lambert and about three Tranmere defenders. This went on for about a minute while the fat chuffer with the whistle waited for his taxi to get him to the area of the action. Bookings all round. It livened things up though and Lambert smashed in a shot which the keeper parried away. After a brief rise in the standard of entertainment to ‘mediocre’, we sank back down to ‘shit’. It was now half time and I had soup. It was the best thing so far.

Dad and I pondered the half time team talk that Pards was delivering deep in the bowels of SMS at that moment. We thought that it would probably not be pretty and that Saints would be a different team in the 2nd half and so it proved as we looked a lot more purposeful as soon as fatty wheezed himself into position and got us all underway again.

Five minutes in and a decent move involving Hammond, Schneiderlin and Lambert ended with Connolly feeding the ball into the path of the marauding Harding who drilled it into the net across the keeper first time, for a really good goal, a great strike and we were up and running.

Everyone appeared to have upped their game with the one exception of Antonio who had maintained his first half standards. He did once playa great ball up the line to where he should have been but as he wasn’t, it went straight out for a goal kick. Schneiderlin and Hammond were completely bossing the midfield though the formers new found aggressive streak nearly landed him in trouble when after earlier taking a yellow for the team with a quite deliberate trip, he then accidentally tripped again and was lucky that fatso wasn’t up with play.

Fatso couldn’t fail to get the next decision right when a James corner from the right was quite unnecessarily handled by a defender. It was the sort of handball that used to be committed by players who were later investigated for throwing matches. Penalty to Saints, Lambert, bang, 2-0 game over. Exit Schneiderlin before he could get sent off to be replaced by Wotton.

Five minutes later and it was party time as Saints were awarded a free kick about thirty yards out, just left of centre. Only one man was ever going to hit it and Lambo looked almost nonchalant as he bent it over the wall and into the top corner. Goal by Saints Number 7, Matt le Tissier… it was that good. The joint was rocking now and so was the Tranmere keeper who dropped a cross for no reason at all and got away with it purely because no one could believe the plonker had dropped it.

Connolly was replaced by Papa Waigo N’Doffside and Saints tried to keep the elusive clean sheet. If we couldn’t do it today then we never would as Tranmere, who were shit in the first half, were even more shit now. The game ran down, Mellis replaced Lambert who got a standing ovation and the N’Doffside count reached two before Fatty blew the whistle to end what was eventually a very comfortable win.

Overall, there were many plus points but we really won this with only about 4 players on decent form… Harding had his best game for a while and Schneiderlin, Hammond and Lambert all made a difference. It’s hard to judge Bart, Jaidi and Perry as Tranmere never attacked. James improved 2nd half but Lallana and Connolly had quiet matches which I guess they are permitted from time to time. Only Antonio was dreadful all match and I thought Wotton put in a decent shift when he came on, winning tackles and retaining possession.

Over the next few weeks we can’t afford any passengers with Norwich in the JPT southern Semi Final on Tuesday and Dirty Leeds away on Saturday. Win those two and we really will be looking healthy. As it is, we’ve moved up another place in the table and the world is a fine place. As for Tranmere… you may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned a single one of their players by name because I can’t be bothered to look it up as they were dreadful and added nothing to the game. Their supporters in the ground were Barry, Ian and Brian.

League 1 Match 20 - Walsall 1 Southampton 3

A very tenuous link to today's game... Porngate !!!

Saints travelled to the Midlands today for what promised to be another difficult away trip. We were playing a Walsall side, currently residing one place below the playoff positions due to four wins out of their last five matches. Walsall have taken the ‘naming rights’ shilling and their ground is now known as the Banks’s Stadium which sounds really crap. I have visited the Bescot (as it should be known) on one previous occasion, a gig by The Wonder Stuff in 1991. We asked a local how to get there and he said that ‘you go roit at the randabowt, then roit again, followed by another roit’ (you have to say this out loud to get the effect). I had a great time that day and was hoping that today, the mighty Saints had a similarly great day and came back with another 3 points.

Pards tinkered with the the team again with Connolly being passed fit to take the place of Waigo up front but not so far up front that he’s 10 yards offside. This meant a 4-4-2 formation with James on the right of midfield. The strength of the bench was also good with Antonio, Waigo, Mellis, Trotman and Thomas being present alongside the promising Paterson and Bleak Forecast who has yet to get near the first team.

It was a fairly even start to the game with both sides having periods of pressure. The first real incident happened on 19 minutes when Connolly was quite clearly assaulted in the Walsall penalty area and was left sat on his bum having been thrown there by a defender. No penalty of course. Unperturbed, the Saints kicked on and took the lead on the half hour when a straight ball from James to Connolly cut out the entire Walsall back four (who had all gone ‘roit’ when they should have gone left) and The Irishman ran on before expertly finishing across the keeper into the far corner with his right foot. Yet another outstanding finish from a class act who proved Walsall manager Chris Hutchings pre-match assertion of ‘Connolly is too good for this league’ correct.

As an aside, Hutchings is a manager I remember from Bradford City as I have a mate who supports them. He took over from Paul Jewell after he’d kept them up in the Prem one year and I think he lost just about every match of his admittedly brief tenure. I believe he also took over from Jewell at Wigan following the Porngate Saga.

Stop laughing at the memory of the picture of Paul Jewell on the front of the News of the World and get back to the match…. A switch appeared to have been flicked with the first goal and Saints took over, looking the finish the game off. It didn’t take long for Connolly to wriggle free again on the right and cut in before firing in a shot that defllected nicely into the path of the onrushing Hammond who, despite having half the goal to aim at, slid it under the keeper.

Half time, Walsall 0 Saints 2… more goals wanted... and a clean sheet please.

Despite continuing to batter Walsall at the start of the 2nd half but it took until the hour mark for the icing to be put on the cake as Connolly this time turned provider, poking the ball through to Lambert who had enough about him to practically fall over the ball, regain his balance and slam a left footed shot into the far corner.

Saints now had the task to see out the last half an hour without conceding a goal and managed to succeed in this task for about 45 seconds as Walsall cut in down our right before Byfield was teed up for an easy finish. It seems churlish to moan about a goal conceded when you’re 3-0 up but it is bloody annoying nonetheless.

Connolly was given a deserved rest and replaced with Antonio who looked lively in the 20 minutes that remained, forcing Ince into a decent save to prevent a fourth. There was little or no attacking threat from Walsall in the closing phase of the game and Saints recorded a decent victory at a bit of a canter.

Part of me was worried going into this game because of Walsall’s league position but when you look at the relative resources of the clubs (our gates are approximately 4 times higher for example) we really shouldn’t be losing to teams like this… and we didn’t. Yet another 3-1 success on the road and we’ve shot up to 15th place in the table. As a precautionary note, it’s worth mentioning that Brighton occupy the last relegation spot and they are only 2 points behind us but precaution be damned as we are no longer looking down.…. but looking up and we are only 9 points off the playoffs. There are still 26 games to go and after today’s win, I am beginning to think that maybe we can get there… stranger things have happened.

Here’s a league table… looking upwards…

.................PL DIF PTS
6 Swindon .......18 + 2 31
==========================
7 Bristol Rovers 20 - 3 31
8 Walsall .......20 + 4 30
9 MK Dons .......20 - 2 30
10 Millwall .....20 + 6 29
11 Hartlepool ...20 + 1 26
12 Carlisle .....20 - 3 24
13 Yeovil .......20 - 4 23
14 Southend .....20 - 4 23
15 Southampton ..20 +10 22

League 1 Match 19 - Southampton 1 Wycombe 0

Picture of what Papa Waigo sees in his sleep

A wet Tuesday night and a chance to finally move out of the relegation zone. I’m not sure exactly but I think we’ve been in the relegation zone of whatever league we’ve been in for over a calendar year. Having been relegated last year, we would have been sitting proudly above the relegation zone on alphabetical order before this season started but we didn’t even get that respite because of the -10. One of the teams that would have been below us in the Alphabet table would have been Wycombe Wanderers and they were our visitors tonight.

Wycombe was of course the place where the managerial genius that was Tony Adams learnt his trade. The plan was to be a success with a small club before moving on to bigger and better things. What in fact happened was the complete opposite in that he was a disaster at Wycombe and then moved to Portsmouth.

To the team and Chris Perry kept his place at centre back with both Trotman and Thomas on the bench. David Connolly was again ruled out by his groin injury so we reverted to 4-5-1 with Papa Waigo and Lallana out. Another slight surprise was that Lloyd James anchored the midfield and Paul Wotton anchored the bench.

Saints made their usual fast start without scoring with Papa Waigo having a goal chalked off for offside (surprise surprise!). On the half hour the dancing man somehow lifted a shot over the bar from a Lloyd James cross when it looked easier to score. I’d have been annoyed if my 5 year old son had missed that. All in all, a very scrappy game was unfolding and Saints seemed to be sitting too deep which Pards tried to rectify, first by moving James forward to make a flat 3 in midfield with Schneiderlin and Hammond and then abandoning the formation and reverting to 4-4-2 with Waigo going up front and James to wide right. This of course is a tactical switch that would not have been available if Wotton has been playing. Though he is many things, a tricky right winger is not one of them.

Almost immediately, the tactical changes worked as Waigo latched onto a pass from Murty and unselfishly squared for Lambert give us the lead. Straight from the kick off, Wycombe threatened but this was snuffed out by a Perry block, prompting Radio Merrington to cliché us up incorrectly with “A team is never more vulnerable when it’s just conceded”. Nice one Dave.

At half time I receive a text from my Dad from SMS. It simply reads… Winning one oil, scrappy, cras passing. There should be an age limit that prevents old’uns using predictive text.

Saints fly out of the traps in the 2nd Half and Lambo goes close again. The name I keep hearing on the radio commentary is ‘Shearer’. Sadly, it’s not Alan coming out of retirement but Scott Shearer who is being a pain in the hole by saving everything Saints can throw at him. A double save from Lambert and then Lallana has Diamond Dave in raptures.

Responding to Wycombe pushing right up, Pards sends on Antonio for Waigo to give them something else to worry about. More chances come for Saints but Antonio’s composure lets him down as he loses the ball having tried to beat the entire Wycombe team for a second time.

Obviously wary of our tendancy to concede late, Pards brings Wotton for James in a move that clearly says ‘they shalt not pass’. Wotton is immediately into the action with a scythe tackle where, even if you were watching on a cinema sized widescreen TV, the ball wouldn’t have been in the picture. His argument that he was from a different time zone obviously worked with the referee who amazingly failed to book him. Mellis came on for Schneiderlin to run the clock down and despite the 4 minutes of injury time, Saints held out comfortably with Bart not really having to make a save of note all game.

1-0, clean sheet, out of the relegation zone. Onwards and upwards. The main things I’m reflecting on from this game are the Perry-Jaidi partnership at the back and the adaptability of the side and the manager throughout the game. Jaidi is of course our main centre back and will win 95% of stuff in the air. He turns like a very large tanker however so needs a partner who is either quick or reads the game well. Out of the three choices we have (Perry, Trotman and Thomas), I’d say Perry is the best bet as he’s always had to be good at reading the game to make up for his comparative lack of height. You could make an argument for Thomas based on the fact that he’s the quickest of the three but on the other hand, he’s the most likely to get himself sent off. I guess it’s nice to be able to have 4 decent centre backs in the squad as opposed to the Whisky George approach of having none. The way Pards switched formations today was encouraging as it shows he believes in the players and he seems to call it right most of the time. It’s obvious too that whatever formation is being used, each player knows his job and there are so many examples from our recent past where this has not been the case.

Next us is Walsall away which sounds like it should be another 3 points but then you see where they are in the league (7th) and you know that we’re in for another tough game. Connolly is expected to be back for that game so Davis aside, we’ll be at full strength.

Here’s a rarity… it’s a league table with a relegation zone and us not in it.

League One P DIFF PTS
19 Oldham 19 -8 21
20 Southampton 19 8 19
============================
21 Brighton 19 -15 17
22 Wycombe 19 -14 14
23 Stockport 19 -17 14
24 Tranmere 19 -22 14

Yeovil are 14th, 3 points ahead of us and we have a better goal difference. At risk of coming over all Michael Wilde… “Come on You Saints”

FA Cup 2nd Round - Northampton 2 Southampton 3

Just 540 minutes from Wembley

FA Cup time again and once more, my brain is just not working. The FA Cup starts in January doesn’t it… not any more. Northampton away in the 2nd Round and a chance to be in the draw with all the teams we’ve got used to playing over the last few years. We of course, played Northampton in the Carling Cup back in August and won easily enough. Would today be any different?

The team had a few changes to report with Trotman banned, James rested, Davis injured last Tuesday and worryingly, Connolly out with a groin injury. It’s worrying because he’s missed the last two seasons with…. a groin injury. Chris Perry, Paul Wotton and Papa Waigo came into the breach and the formation changed to 4-5-1.

Away we go and Northampton are the first to show with Saints not putting anything together at all. I’m in the car on my way to the cinema at Ocean Village with my nearest and dearest and they are making far too much noise for someone who wants to listen to the radio. Actually, the bits of commentary I do manage to hear are making me think that the babble of children is more interesting.

It all sounds very flat with even the usually enthusiastic Merrington finding little to cheer. He gets all animated about a penalty shout for Northampton when Harding needlessly shoved someone in the back but as we all know, penalty shouts that are not given don’t matter a toss when they’re not given against us.

3.45 and we’re all in place in the cinema and the ‘Please switch off your mobile phone’ screen comes on, just as mine beeps at me, 1-0 Waigo… here we go, here we go, here we go, I want to do the Waigo dance but I think my kids might kill me if they are treated to dad dancing in a populated cinema. Beep beep, 2-0 Lallana. Look back a few weeks and I was having a pop at Lallana and his lack of heading ability and guess what’s just happened… a close range header. I bet it came off his ear or his nose. “2-0 to Saints, half time” I say to no one in particular. “Get in” says a random bloke behind me who I have never met in my life before. I switch the phone off… do I bollocks... I switch the phone to silent.

A good half hour passes before anything football related crosses my mind. Personally I think that the game was over as soon as the half time whistle went but I am twitching a bit when it’s a vibrate, vibrate in the pocket (stop it!!!!). Have you ever tried getting a phone out of your jeans pocket when you’re sat down ? I suffered the obligatory, wrist crush injury but managed to get the phone out and it’s worth it, Hammond 3-0 from yet another close range header.

Ten minutes later and it’s vibrate, vibrate, 3-1 Hammond (o.g.). Nice one Deano. I wonder if it rivals the Trotman own goal at Orient.

Final Score North 2 South 3… where did their 2nd goal come from…. Ah, who cares. 93rd minute penalty apparently, probably a sympathy decision I thought.

Whilst it’s annoying that yet again we haven’t managed to keep a clean sheet, it doesn’t seem to matter today. Job done and through to the next round without going to a replay. Pards agrees with me in his summing up and the world is a happy place, well this end of the M27 is anyway. The Skates have lost 4-1 to Man Utd and are still bottom of the league… which brings me onto the obvious topic of conversation for all Saints fans tonight… who do we want in the next round ?

Again, I’m with Pards when he says that if he could choose he’d take a winnable match at home. I personally have no interest in playing Man Utd or Chelsea after last years game against the Reds. OK, we’d give it a much better go with this team but it’s one of the only matches in 34 years of watching Saints when I was in the ground and wished I wasn’t and at the end of the day, we got dicked 3-0 by their reserve side playing at half pace. If we’re going to play a big club then give me Arsenal away as we’ve never been to the Emirates and I’d love to see a tussle of midfield skills between Fabregas, Arshavin, Walcott, Nasri, Rosicky and Wotton. It’d be like watching Peter Kay in that advert where they’re all playing keep-uppy and he just wellies it three miles.

I would not want to play the Skates, mainly because they’d get a load of cash from the sell-out crowd, especially if it was at SMS. I’d like them to get Hull at home and a) lose and b) lose in front of 6000 fans. Gate receipts from that wouldn’t even pay Storrie’s Bill from the Inland Revenue. Also, deep down I think they’d probably still be too strong for us and I would hate for there to be any interruption in their season of total misery.

I feel that for the Saints, today was just something to get through. It was a novelty playing in the first round and it was a tougher game away at Bristol Rovers, but this match was more of a hindrance than anything to get excited about (and my sketchy blog of the match itself probably illustrates this). It is worth giving the opinion though, that if this had been played last year, we would have lost.. The magic of the FA Cup can come back at full power for the 3rd Round, whoever we get and wherever we get them.

The draw is on Sunday and we’ve got……………….. <> Rotherham or Luton Town at home. Gotta be happy with that...

League 1 Match 18 - Hartlepool 1 Southampton 3

The fixture computer operator has been drinking again ! Hang the Monkey !

Hartlepool away …. Where’s that ?... Must be close because the fixture computer would never give you an away match on a Tuesday night that was too far away… Sat Nav says ‘Drive towards Newcastle and stop 30 miles short’. Not too far then. I have to admit that I didn’t really know where it was, other than that it was ‘Oop North’ and the reason I’m starting with reference to the trip is to pay tribute to the 635 who made the trip on a Tuesday night in the pissing rain. You are quite mad but I salute you…

I am fully ‘Saints Player’ enabled for this match so have the delights of Dave Merrington and Kris Temple to listen to. I have the TV on silent and am watching Debrecen v Liverpool. The games kick off and after watching two minutes of Liverpool I am worried that I may fall asleep. Once I find Barcelona v Inter Milan, I’m happier.

Pards had spoken after the Norwich game for the need to ‘go ugly’ and he took that literally with his one change of the night with Murty replacing Antonio in a like for like swap. Murts will be adding extreme pace to the right flank and Michail will be sat on the bench eating a pie. This change gets Lloyd James away from right back (which is a great move) and into the anchor role of the midfield diamond with Lallana at the front and Hammond and Schneiderlin to the sides.

There is a force 9 blowing straight down the pitch in Saints favour which means that we can send it 80 yards up the pitch and Lambo and Connolly can get neck ache. It sounds like football is impossible and Dave Merrington tells us stories of the journey up with Trotman not fancying the flight in the wind and rain and Lambert forgetting his passport which shows you how far away Hartlepool is. Actually, he needed it for photo id… I wonder if he could have shown them one of those t-shirts from the Saints Shop. Meanwhile, on the pitch, Trotman and Jaidi sound like they’re trying to knock planes out of the sky with their version of the long through ball.

Hartlepool are playing most of the little football that is on offer and take the lead after working it down our left and getting in a cross which is headed in by Monkhouse, no relation to Bob, I assume. Over the past few seasons, 1-0 down, up north, in the rain would have meant a 5-0 defeat but I have confidence and this is rewarded 15 minutes later when Lambert put Lallana through on the keeper to make it 1-1. More hoof and hope for the rest of the first half with Lallana being the only player on the Saints side who is prepared to get it down and pass it. Honourable mention goes to Schneiderlin who is being praised for his graft so it appears he can do it if he wants to.

The second half starts and it’s evident that the wind is now favouring the Monkey Hangers (WTF is that all about ?... look it up here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_hanger) but they are having problems locating their front men as well. Ten minutes in and Lallana picks it up on the left and like Connolly on Saturday, comes infield and curls one into the far corner for 2-1. Even the Hartlepool fans applaud as it’s that good.

Hartlepool on the attack again and Davis pulls off a blinding save from a point blank header but appears to injure himself in the process and has to be replaced by the Pole in Goal. I like Bart and think he’ll be a really good keeper if given a decent run in the side but Stu and Dave are reacting like it’s the death knell of Saints season. To be fair, the comments are based on how good Davis is rather than anything negative about Bart but over the top or what. They go on about how many point Davis saves us a season which is fine but no one mentions that he cost us two on Saturday – he’s good but he’s not fantastic guys…

For all the world it sounds like it’s going to peter out and we’ll win 2-1 and no one is looking like scoring until the Monkey Hangers goalkeeper, makes the kind of mistake that would make you want to re-nickname the team ‘The Goalie Hangers’ and passes it straight to Lambert, 5 yards out, 3-1. It’s amazing how many times this year that Lambert has profited from the opposition keeper having a shocker but I suppose that if you keep shooting, you get lucky.

Inspired by their keeper, Hartlepool get annoyed and a bad tackle on Lallana sparks a 19 man melee, the net result of which was Hartlepool were down to 10 men after a 2nd booking and 3 Saints saw yellow, all 3 of which were not in involved in the tackle. Trotman showed great intelligence to run 50 yards to pick up his 5th booking of the season and a one match ban.

Kris (who can't spell his own name) then explained that Trotters would miss the FA Cup tie on Saturday but pondered whether this was the case as Preston had already said he couldn’t play in it. For good measure and great comic effect, Dave then repeated the exact same thing. Genius on the radio.

Anyway, game over, 3-1 win, back on track. Still in the relegation zone but with our next 3 matches looking very winnable, we should be looking to climb out and hopefully stay out. It was a gutsy win tonight in bad conditions, an ugly win if you like. The bad news from the night is of course the injury to Kelvin Davis but I have every confidence Bart will step up. I always felt he had a raw deal from Whisky George and he’ll hopefully get a chance to play a few games starting with the FA Cup tie on Saturday at Northampton. A win there and we’re in Round 3 with all the big boys and the Skates.

Well done the 635.

League 1 Match 17 - Southampton 2 Norwich 2

To laugh or to cringe ?

Along with Saints and Charlton, the other team to have a double relegation miserable recent history is Norwich City and they were our visitors on Saturday. Norwich had fine recent form and were in a playoff position, having recovered from the 7-1 drubbing handed out by Colchester on the opening day, a Colchester who were managed by Paul Lambert who is now manager of Norwich and captained by Dean Hammond who is now captain of Saints. The captaincy issue had been the main issue of the week really with Hammond being given the armband as Pards didn’t want the keeper to be the skipper, a decision I agreed with.

I was expecting changes in the team following the rubbish against Brighton but maybe because of an injury to Wotton or maybe because of a desire to make the same players sort it out, the team was unchanged which must have been particularly galling for Wayne Thomas who really bolstered the defence in the last game. There was a welcome return to the bench for Graeme Murty who in the warm up, didn’t look as ‘pied up’ as I thought he would.

The game kicked off in swirling rain and Norwich settled the quicker with some good possession football, interrupted only when the ball skewed off of some part of Trotman’s anatomy for a throw in or a corner. Saints were finding it hard to get anything going until the ball found its way to Schneiderlin who took a touch, looked up and hit a glorious crossfield ball, which went straight out of play about 40 yards in front of Antonio. The genius of the Frenchman was apparent though as he knew that Norwich were going to take the throw and lose the ball to Connolly who would slide in Lallana who would finish brilliantly with his right foot from the edge of the box. 1-0 and an assist for the mercurial French youngster.

Saints took over for the next 20 or so minutes and really should have added to the lead with Cap’n Hammond having a header tipped over and Schneiderlin’s powerful shot being deflected wide. Norwich gave us a reminder just before half time when Davis had to palm away a good effort from the lumbering Holt.

After this one real chance of the half for Norwich, Dumb (of Dumb and Dumber who sit behind me in the Kingland) is whining the following questions amongst others…”Why are they always better than us?”, “Why do they win all the headers?” and “Why do I bother coming to matches because all I do is moan like a bastard through every single minute of every one regardless of what the score is or how well we’re playing”. I may have made that last one up and I know all Season Ticket money is vital to the club but you don’t need people like this. I’d pay double if this guy could be banned.

1-0 to Saints at half time and just about deservedly so.

Half time was taken up with a presentation to Micky Channon who was receiving a Doctorate from Southampton University for services to football and horse racing, in the pissing rain. There was a quick run down of his stats as a football and as a trainer and then he gave a quick interview which was barely audible given the diabiolical PA system. Following that they showed a film on the scoreboard which was remarkable in that Mick Channon scored 225 goals for Saints, 21 for England and even 16 for Norwich and guess how many of these goals were on the film ? Yep, none.

No changes at half time except that Dumb could now whinge in the opposite direction. Norwich are on fire at the start of the second half and pin us back and our defence is creaking like something incredibly creaky indeed. We’re creaky on the right where Lloyd James is really struggling when put under any pressure, creaky on the left where Dan Harding is just about hanging on despite suddenly looking a bit slow and creaking in the middle where Trotters is getting to the ball but it’s going anywhere. The one saving grace is the big man Radhi Jaidi who is back to near his best after his mare last week.

It couldn’t last though as Martin burst down the Norwich left and was scythed to the ground by Lloyd James with one of the most stupid tackles ever for one of the clearest penalties ever. Hoolihan stepped up and Kelvin tipped it onto the post from where it pinged back to Hoolihan’s feet in front of an empty goal, the lucky bastard.

Or midfield was being completely outplayed at this point with Cap’n H having his worst ever game for us, Schneiderlin having his usual game for us in a tough match and Antonio offering nothing at all. It was no surprise when Antonio was replaced with Murty. This had two advantages in that it bolstered the midfield and it got Liability James the hell away from right back.

Seven minutes later we were back in front as Lallana fed Connolly on the left and he cut in before curling a wonderful effort over the keeper and in to the far top corner. Goal of the Season, competition closed. It was nearly game over ten minutes later as Lambert set up Lallana for a spin and shot which flew just wide. Boy did we pay for that miss when Martin let fly from 30 yards only for Davis, under no pressure and with a full view, to spill it out for Hughes to make it 2-2. “We’re going to lose this now” came a whinge from behind me. “WELL YOU’LL BE F*CKING HAPPY THEN WON’T YOU?”. I probably shouldn’t have said that.

Now it was all Norwich again and they had a goal disallowed for offside and looked the more likely winners but Saints came back again with Connolly narrowly wide. With five minutes to go, Pards replaced Lambert, who had again struggled to have much of an impact, with Papa Waigo who immediately got caught offside. Mellis came on for Lallana and in the 90th minute we had a break with Mellis striding forward purposefully with the ball with Waigo in support. He delayed and delayed the pass until Waigo had reached his usual position of 5 yards offside and then passed to him. Up went the flag, on went the Waigo, round the keeper and then underhit the shot which was cleared. Plonker, final whistle.

2-2 was probably a fair result for what was a very entertaining game. Though we were in front twice, our defending as a team never looked convincing and we are as far away from a clean sheet as ever. Hopefully Murty’s return from injury will mean Lloyd James nowhere near right back again and Connolly’s form and ever improving fitness is really going to be beneficial to us in the months ahead… starting with a trip to Hartlepool on Tuesday which promises to be a truly horrible trip but one which we should be looking to bring 3 points back from. We have now only two points out of the last nine but whilst the Brighton defeat was a bad result, I don’t feel that this one is as Norwich looked a class apart from a lot of the teams I’ve seen so far this year.

The Hand of Frog

"Let go, Claus..."

"The Hand of Frog" was the headline in the Irish Sun...

I was in a Dublin boozer on Wednesday night watching Ireland in their play off match against France. Make no mistake, I’m England through and through and I also know that the Irish would support anyone against England. I feel however that I’m (mostly) above all that shit so if some personal friends of mine are supporting a team, I’ll join in… unless they’re Skates of course.

Ireland were winning 1-0 at 90 minutes after a 1-0 defeat in the first leg, so extra time started and to be honest, I couldn’t see a goal coming from either team and was looking forward to some serious angst-ridden penalties without England being involved. I had surprised myself with how much I was getting into it and even spilt some beer in the pub-mosh when Robbie Keane scored.

You’d have to have been on the moon to not know how France’s goal came about. A straight ball was played into the box, Ireland let it bounce (which was piss poor defending whatever way you look at it) and the ball hit Thierry Henry’s arm and was going out for a goal kick before Henry shovelled it back in with his hand and squared it for Willam Gallas to nod in from his normal goalscoring distance of four inches. Henry then celebrated like a madman behind the goal. Watching in real time, you couldn’t quite work out how the ball had ended up in the net but the replays were horrible and so it came to pass that a player with a fantastic reputation for fair play, trashed it in an instant.

In 2003, Saints played Arsenal in the cup final and after 30 seconds, Henry broke through and Claus Lundekvam hitched a ride holding onto the Frenchman’s shirt. Henry strode on for what seemed like minutes, with Claus being dragged along, still holding his shirt like a man tied by a rope to the tow bar of a speeding car. “Let go Claus” we all said as Henry shot and Niemi smothered it.

The fact was that Henry stayed on his feet and if he had done what 99% of players would have done and gone over, we’d have been 1-0 down fro the resulting penalty, Claus would have been sent off and probably Brett Ormerod would have been substituted to have been replaced by Paul Williams and we’d have probably lost 5-0. Interestingly though, Henry later got booked in the same game for taking a dive so there were flaws in his make up in 2003 when we was probably the best player in the world.

On Wednesday night, Thierry Henry, now a shadow of the player of 2003, cheated to keep a ball in play and set up a vitally important goal. FIFA, the guardians of the global game, preach fair play at every opportunity and their website is filled with stuff about it and there’s even a Committee for Fair Play and Social Responsibility. So what are these keepers of the faith going to do about it.

a) order a replay – they’ve already said they won’t
b) ban Henry for cheating – possible but I doubt it

c) sod all – we have a winner

Sepp Blatter, President of FIFA, needs no encouragement to come out with some complete shite or other on a regular basis but here’s an issue where he can actually do something useful or at least make a statement against cheating etc….. hello, anyone there.

It all stinks. Firstly they change the rules and seed the playoffs which they were never going to do until it became clear that France, Portugal and Germany were all struggling to qualify. There was no way FIFA were going to risk France getting drawn against Germany in a play off and one getting knocked out so they seeded it and Blatter said that they were going to do that all along but hadn’t told anyone.

As it’s turned out, the Germans got through (it was really too much to hope for) and now the French and Portuguese are there too. I’m sure FIFA could have done without the controversy but it will all die down and then who will care. It’s only Ireland after all. It’s like Saints trying to get a penalty at Old Trafford…. It isn’t going to happen.

In the FA Cup blog a while back, I talked of how the Champions League is all about the cash and no one wanted there to be any upsets with big clubs getting knocked out and sadly, the World Cup is the same. No one at the top is interested in the integrity of the competition – only that the biggest, richest countries qualify and maximise the revenue for everyone with a vested interest.

When the tournament starts next June I’ll be mad for England but I’ll be hoping the French get stuffed. They don’t deserve to be there and unless they replace the manager and can turn up a midfield before the World Cup, they won’t be any good anyway. When they won it in 1998 they had Zidane, Deschamps, Petit and Vieira in midfield…. Now they have Lassana Diarra and two other guys who did so little I can't remember their names.

Thierry Henry has really shot himself in the foot. As I write I see he’s suggesting there should be a replay but this is just damage limitation and an empty gesture as he knows this isn’t going to happen. Whilst admitting the offence, he’s also said that it’s not his fault as the referee didn’t see it which is basically saying that blatant cheating is ok if you don’t get caught. I bet he now wishes he hadn’t done it and taken his chances on France winning the penalty shootout but in my view, he made a conscious decision to cheat with the second touch of the ball and his celebration was an attempt to ‘look natural’ as you would when your side had scored an important goal… and what the hell was that all about… sitting on the pitch with Richard Dunne at the end. I believe he knew what was coming.

The good news is Thierry, no one out side of Ireland will really give a toss by the time June rolls round, certainly not FIFA. They won’t replay the game and to be honest, I’m not sure I think they should. It really means that the use of technology to help referees is a must and everyone should try and find a way to make it happen, rather than continually finding crap reasons why it shouldn’t. Maybe the problem is that if there was technological help, the desirable outcome of matches wouldn’t be so easy to reach.

The final word on this goes to an anonymous poster on a forum. Despite my pro-Irish stance, I laughed when I read this…

Anon says: I was working in Ireland in 1986 when that sh!tbag Maradona punched the ball in. The Irish all thought it was hilarious…. So fuck ‘em.

23 years on, that still rankles…

League 1 Match 16 - Southampton 1 Brighton 3

Says it all really...

Brighton came to us on a Sunday as lambs to the slaughter… or so you’d have thought if you looked at the form guides going into the match. We were very good, they were very bad, we were at home, foregone conclusion etc etc.

They had a new manager however in Gus Poyet and we had to be careful of ‘new manager’ syndrome. This is one of the things that they always talk about in punditry circles about how a team that was previously playing badly (hence manager getting sacked) suddenly picks up a few wins with a new man in charge. It should be a load of rubbish because at the end of the day, bad players are bad players but though I hate to admit it – we should be worried. Whilst I have no idea about Poyet’s abilities as a manager, he is an imposing sort of guy who comes across well and of course, he was some player. I can imagine the Brighton players being lifted by him walking into the club. The new manager has to have something about him however for this to work, so if there are any Chairmen out there thinking of giving Jan Poortvliet or Steve Wigley a job in order to get ‘new manager bounce’… then I’d think again. Would the arrival of Gus be enough to inspire a win against the mighty SFC ? It shouldn’t be but who knows…

The team lined up as expected with Neal Trotman getting the nod ahead of Wayne Thomas who dropped to the bench. The announcement of our line-up was punctuated by loud boos from the impressively large Brighton contingent for Hammond and in particular Harding – both ex-Seagulls. The Seagulls fans showed their class though by immaculately observing the one minutes silence of All-Saints Day – fair play to them. The SFC crowd line up was different to the last few games in that I’d actually made it myself to my first home game since the Gillingham win, which was the first match of our undefeated run.

That match starts and Saints are looking lively, mainly though Antonio on the right who was giving their left back kittens and Connolly in the middle who was running and harrying and generally showing what a good player he is. Once Brighton got a foothold after about 5 minutes we began to creak a bit with Brighton forward Forster and Murray finding too much room too easily. It was apparent very early on that Jaidi and Trotman’s usual ‘nightclub bouncer’ approach was not going to be as successful as usual as both forwards were very mobile and the Brighton midfield was not being challenged quickly enough by Hammond and Schneiderlin.

Sixteen minutes had gone and what was looking increasingly likely, came to pass as Brighton took the lead after a decent move down our left, isolating Harding 2v1, a decent cross and a good finish by Murray who got in front of Jaidi. Crap defending but a good goal and we’d have been raving had we scored it. Still, surely now we’d wake up and batter them…. nope.

Five minutes later and Murray burst through a Rupert Lowe’s ego sized gap in our central midfield and defence and hit the post, only for the rebound to come straight back to him for a sitter which he sadly, didn’t miss. 2-0 to Brighton and no one could say they didn’t deserve it and they really should have been out of sight a few minutes later as Forster got free with Davis loitering on the edge of his box and it really was a bad miss to not get it over the marooned keeper.

Saints finally had a shot when a Lambert free kick was well saved by Kuipers in the Brighton goal who from this moment on, started time-wasting which is the right and professional thing to do…. but it’s bloody annoying. Not so annoying though was Saints getting awarded a penalty on 42 minutes as Lallana was assaulted when trying to reach a cross by a defender who obviously hasn’t watched an videos of Adam trying to head the ball – just leave him, there’s no danger… but there is from a Lambert penalty which was dispatched with typical aplomb. 2-1, Half time and I thought we’d be fine and probably go on to win it.

Thomas came on for Trotters at half time… tactical or injury…. I’d say the former as Trotman was bloody awful in the first half. Thomas, from where I was sat, looked like he should have been sent off within a minute of coming as he smashed into Brighton player elbows-first. When you get away with it though I guess it’s good play and ‘setting out your stall’.

As the second half wore on I gradually changed my mind about us probably winning it because we were basically still terrible. Brighton had Lambert well shackled and he was winning nothing so hard though Connolly worked, he wasn’t getting a sniff of goal. Kelvin was having one of those games where he may have well not been there. There didn’t seem to be any organization, nor any command and claiming of crosses though he did make one blinding close range block to prevent us going 3-1 down. Jaidi was also having a complete mare and though Thomas had shored things up, it still didn’t look good.

Our midfield was nowhere to be seen in a defensive capacity with Schneiderlin in particular being woeful with the game completely passing him by. He had a decent chance to win a tackle at one point and slid in showing mock aggression before bottling out at the last. Most of our attacks were coming down the right with Lloyd James on the ball. Brighton were letting him advance up until about 40 yards out before letting him boom over aimless cross after aimless cross. Rubbish to be honest. From the one decent cross that James put in, sadly it landed on the head of Lallana and no surprise, it went wide.

Waigo came on for Antonio and Mills for Harding but nothing much happened as Saints defence continued to look all over the shop and the attack looking as blunt as a pair of safety scissors and it was totally deserved when Brighton got a third as James was totally done down the right flank for a cross to pick out Crofts to slam in the decisive goal. There was still time for Waigo to liven things up and he worked himself a great opening before having his shot deflected wide. Not our day.

There’s a cliché that says that you learn more from defeat than you do from victory and this is very true. My personal report card reads…. Lloyd James is still a liability at right back… Trotman and Jaidi will struggle against quick forwards…. the midfield is too attack minded and Wotton, despite having much less ability, would be far more effective than Schneiderlin. Also, we have no plan B if Lambert is not having a good game and the whining shit who sits behind me really need to have a word with himself. On the plus side I thought Connolly was excellent and Antonio again looked the part though he wasn’t as effective in the 2nd half as Brighton got used to him.

One of the key things in life is, in my opinion, not to over-react. 4 wins and a draw in the last 5 league games is pretty good and we were always going to lose sometime – I just wasn’t expecting it to be today. However, Brighton were much better than us and totally deserved their win. There are bound to be a few more kicks in the nads before the season is done but I still think we’ll march onwards and upwards. Norwich at home on Saturday… dress rehearsal for JPT Semi Final.

Johnstone Paints Trophy 3rd Round - Southampton 2 Charlton 1

Now, do I lie about it meaning more to beat Charlton or not...

JPT time again and it’s Charlton at home for us. The Charlton fans will be looking forward to it as it’s against the manager who they see as the anti-Christ and us Saints fans will be looking forward to hopefully keeping the winning run going. In the last round, Saints got a gate that was bigger than all the other games put together but no chance of that tonight as Sky, in their wisdom, have decided to put this on the TV. In this case, I’ll forgive them as I at least will have a chance to watch it in my Dublin local. I can’t see there being a problem getting a seat in front of the TV for this one.

Watching Saints in the pub over here is usually a painful experience as we usually lose and people walk past, wondering why you’re getting so animated at a game that doesn’t involve the big 4. The first Saints match I watched over here was the playoff defeat to Derby. At the start of the game it was just me and Kelvin immediately flapped a goal in. My short outburst of swearing brought a few raised eyebrows. By the time Do Do Do Johnny Viafara had put us 2-1 up I had made so much noise that I had a small gathering with me. Leon Best’s ridiculous own goal (still don’t know how he did that, the tosser), Rasiak putting us in front again and the penalty shoot out starting meant I now had a crowd and by the time Idiakez sent his penalty into orbit, I had a lot of sympathy, a big bar bill and the beginnings of a headache which ultimately would last for two days.

The team selection tonight would tell us a lot about how seriously Pards was taking it. In the last round he rested a few but we were playing a League 2 side so it was understandable. Tonight we’re playing against a strong side and we don’t play again until Sunday so I’m hoping for everyone being present and correct…. and I was happy. Be it because Pards really wants to with the JPT or be it because he wants to stick one finger up to Charlton, we had the same 10 outfield players as Saturday with Bart in goal instead of the rested Kelvin. The only minor surprise is that Wayne Thomas kept his place ahead of Trotman who Preston had kindly made available for this one.

Saints steamed into Charlton from the off and really should have had the lead in two minutes as Charlton keeper Ikeme came for a cross and got no where near it leaving Captain Hammond with a free header at the back post with half a goal to aim at….which he totally made a mess of. Charlton awoke from their slumbers and did nothing as Antonio scared the hell out of them down the right and smashed in a shot which Ikeme beat away. Chances followed for Lambert and Connolly and then there was a tricky moment as Charlton got in our half and Bart had to pick up a half hit scuffer from Wagstaff.

On 35 minutes Saints finally took the lead as a James corner was missed by all the usual suspects and smashed into the net by Wayne Thomas for his first goal since a jumpers for goalposts match on the village green in 1985. The near 14,000 crowd (wow!) crowd at St Mary’s and one man in a pub in Dublin expected more and two minutes later, Connolly cut in from the right and curled a lovely left footed shot a foot wide of the far post.

We have got to try and sign Michail Antonio. All wingers are frustrating at times when the delivery is a bit wayward but this lad makes things happen and he commits defenders. He’s not frightened to shoot either and he forced another good save from Ikeme before half time when he cut in off the wing and smashed in a shot which t some part of the keepers anatomy and deflected onto the near post. Charlton meanwhile, were terrible.

Half time, Southampton 1 Ikeme 0. Pint of Guinness please.

Saints were forced into a change at half time with Schneiderlin being replaced by Trotman. Whilst it would have been amusing watching Trotters slot into central midfield and spraying passes about in that cultured way of his, I was thankful that we reshuffled with James going into midfield and ‘goalscoring centre back’ Wayne Thomas being moved to right back.

No doubt with the angry words of Phil Parkinson ringing in their ears, Charlton kicked off the second half and attacked a bit. They put me in mind of the Saints side of last year under the watchful eye of Jan the Complete Moron – one lad up front who is totally unsuited to playing up front on his own and much more suitable players on the bench. Still, the lone striker ‘wash trying very hard to make a goal for the boysh’.

On the hour mark, Papa Waigo came on for the clearly tiring Connolly who has played more football in the past week than in the previous two years. The dancing man was immediately involved, cutting in from the left wing and curling a shot for the far corner that was tipped away well by that bloody goalkeeper again. Unperturbed, following a neat passing move involving Waigo and Lallana, Lambert tried exactly the same effort only this time, Ikeme developed chocolate wrists and couldn’t keep it out. 64 minutes, 2-0 and really… game over.

The last half an hour was pretty tame but I thought there might be some stick for Deon Burton when he came on, being an ex-Skate and all that. There was none however and I think this was because no one recognized him as the last time he was here (playing for Brentford I think), he had a huge afro that was conspicuously absent. Highlight of this period of the game for me was Lloyd James executing a real cruncher of a tackle on Jonjo Shelvey who deserves all he gets, simply for being called Jonjo.

92 minutes were up and Saints were sitting back trying to play out the game when the usual happened. Following a great save from Bart, the ball was returned and Leon McKenzie fired home from 6 yards to make it 2-1. I never had one single moment when I thought Charlton would score again and in fact, they didn’t get in our half again aside from the one desperate boot forward as the final whistle went.

Positives are that we won and we’re now in the Southern Area Semi Finals against one of Hereford, Norwich and the Fake Dons. It’s a one legged affair still so I’m hoping for anyone at home, preferably Hereford. Bart did what he had to do pretty well and had no chance for the goal and the team as a whole looks very confident and capable of scoring all the time. Unbelievably, Charlton are one of the better League 1 sides so it’s a good win… on this showing though, we are light years ahead of them and the league positions will be crossing come the season end. Negatives were that we sat too deep in the last 20 minutes and really should have been 4 or 5 up by the time Charlton got their goal. Mind you, Ikeme made some brilliant saves but as is his lot when you’re a keeper, will be remembered for the balls he made of the 2nd goal.

Yes, I was the only person watching it in the pub.

Next up…. Brighton at home on Sunday.

FA Cup 1st Round - Bristol Rovers 2 Southampton 3

R.I.P.

At the start of the season, if someone had asked me to rank the competitions in order of relevance for Saints, I'd have said League, Johnstone Paints Trophy, FA Cup, Carling Cup. Ranking the JPT above the FA Cup is sacrilege of the highest order but lets face it, we have as much chance of winning the FA Cup as Pompey have of winning the 'Best Run Football Club' award.

I love the FA Cup – it's fantastic because we won it very soon after I started taking an interest in football but also because of the upsets, the fact it's an open draw with no seeding and all that stuff, the fact that it's a one off game, the fact that a lower league team can still get to the final etc etc. We got to the final ourselves in 2003, helped by favourable home draws in every round and all the big boys knocking eachother out. Compare and contrast with the Champions League where Liverpool this year, for example, have been abysmal and have only won one match out of 4 but still have a decent chance of qualifying for the next round. When is there ever a semi-finalist you don't expect… can't have the big boys getting knocked out as in the words of Abba, it's all about Money, Money Money in a rich mans' world. The FA Cup – one bad performance and out you go…. It's better and it's how it should be.

The draw for the first round this year could have been a bit kinder as we got Bristol Rovers away. Since they inflicted our last defeat however, they're form has been abysmal so I'm not expecting a cup exit tonight. Saints have been deprived of the services of Neal Trotman who has been prevented from being cup tied by Preston and we also cannot call on Jacob Mellis for the same reason as Chelsea don't want him cup tied which is odd. Mellis won't play for Chelsea in the FA Cup this season as long as he has a hole in his ass but it suggests to me that he'll be on loan at a Championship club when January and the 3rd Round comes rolling round. As it stands, I won't miss him.

To the game and Pards has decided to go with the 4-4-2 formation which has finished the recent games we've had and been successful. This is a move that will obviously find favour with all the armchair managers who all know what's best. Michail Antonio (now ours until January) and David Connolly get starts with Papa Waigo and Paul Wotton dropping to the bench. The unavailable Trotters has been replaced by Wayne Thomas as we have to keep our 'big ugly bastard' quota up.

I've got my usual Friday night match farce to look forward in order to keep in touch with the match. This involves text messages, internet text commentary, chucking money in an internet machine at Dublin airport and not finding out about the second half at all until the plane (hopefully) lands back in Southampton. I've got a pocket full of euros and I'm throwing them in the machine, logging onto Saints 'Player' and listening in to the live commentary…. and it sounds dull. Bristol Rovers are doing all the majority of the attacking and the commentators in true Radio Solent style, all go 'oooooooooh and Lallana heads over the bar'. Yep… wasn't Lallana at all but Dean Hammond.

Anyway, half time approaches and I hear 'Will the one remaining passenger for flight BE389 to Southampton, please come to the gate'. Oh dear… off I go. The second half kicks off as the reception dies and I'm alone with my thoughts on a 120 seater plane with about 40 people on it. For the hell of it really, I try to tune in the radio on my MP3 player to see if it can pick anything up… surprisingly it can but only Radio 2 who must have a massive audience, 24,000 feet up over the Irish Sea. Ten minutes later, the Captain speaks, saying we are just passing over Bristol…. I wonder…. A quick re-tune of the radio and …. Sod all.

Half an hour later. Jesus Christ we're winning 3-0 courtesy of Connolly twice and Antonio. I'm immediately thinking of the fact that Pards seems to have the golden touch regarding his selections though I'm a bit concerned to read that Gobern has replaced Harding at left back. Gobern is Bambi and a passable midfielder but I guess that if you can't throw a player in when you're 3-0 up with 20 to go then when can you. Gobern out of position, cross, goal, 3-1… Hmmmm, no worries. 91 minutes, Gobern tangles with a forward, penalty, 3-2.

Final whistle…. Phew!!!
Whatever way you look at it, it's a good win and we're through to the next round and that's all that matters. Due to the fact that I've been a bit slow in getting this blog entry together, we all know that we've been drawn away to Northampton in the 2nd Round so whilst a home tie would have been preferable, we should be able to make it to Round 3 and have a chance to have a crack at one of the big boys, or Pompey if they're still in existence by then. Northampton had Stuart Gray in charge when we played them in the Carling Cup in August – needless to say, he isn't there now as he kept up his average management appointment length of 4 matches.

The other positive from this match is of course, the form of David Connolly who has now played approximately 180 minutes for Saints and scored 4 goals. Michail Antonio is currently looking the like the player that Nathan Dyer might have been for us if he'd had a brain and it'll be interesting to see how this one plays out if he stars from now until the January transfer window. At present, he seems surplus to requirements at Reading but maybe they'll want him back to fly down the wing and then stop and wait ten minutes to allow Rasiak to get in the box.

We have another cup game coming up on Wednesday night with Charlton the visitors in the Johnstone Paints Trophy. This is the same Charlton who've just been knocked out the FA Cup by Northwich Victoria from the Midlands Ansells Bitter Sunday League Division 8. The magic of the FA Cup…. Love it