Premier League Match 32 - Arsenal 3 Southampton 2

It's a Miracle... and we need a few more

And so the difficult games start with a trip to the Emirates to play Arsenal. This is not one where I’m expecting to get any of the eight or so points that we need to survive but stranger things have happened and I saw us win at Arsenal once in the league… in 1987 when I was 18.  We have however won a couple of cup matches here in recent seasons when Wenger has played all those brilliant youngsters that they have who never amount to anything much. With Arsenal having had the Europa league match on Thursday and another one next Thursday, maybe Monsieur Wenger will rest a few today.

This season, Arsenal have been Arsenal.  Not good enough for the top 4 but too good for pretty much everyone else.  Their fans are in the main, entitled dicks but for as big a club as they are to go so long without a league title and not change the manager is somewhat strange.  The criticism used to be that they never spent any money but Lacazette and Aubameyang arriving this season suggests otherwise.  They have sold Oxlade-Chamberlain who was never going to amount to anything with them and Sanchez has left for Man United which, as he wasn’t giving a shit was smart business anyway.  They are just the two central defenders and two decent strong midfielders away from being title contenders and we’ll be saying the same thing this time next year when Wenger signs his next contract extension.

Meanwhile, back in the land of clubs with real issues, after the West Ham abortion, Mark Hughes said that he would have learnt a bit about a number of our players and hinted that would be changes for this week. All of the usual social media whores were sensibly quiet this week with the exception of course of our resident rock star model Mario Lemina who made two Instagram posts, one of him poncing around in some sort of designer jacket in a male model pose and the other one was him and his girlfriend in full Posh and Becks power couple mode. Focus on the football and have the tiniest bit of self awareness you fucking dick.  Even Cedric knew it wasn’t the time to model a spray on shirt for another boy band audition.

When the team was announced, Lemina was conspicuously absent from the 18. I am hoping for the long-term good of everybody that this was because he is a dick though to stop people asking questions, it was hidden behind the standard ‘virus’ excuse. There was certainly a few changes with those of decent character coming back into the fray. Yoshida, JWP, Romeu and Long were all chosen to start. There was a change of formation going to a back five so both Stephens and Hoedt stayed in, as did Mr Boy Band himself at right back. Lemina’s absence saw the welcome return of Oriol Romeu but the Serbian Cloak of Invisibility once again protected Dusan Tadic and he yet again kept his place.

Arsenal have a somewhat makeshift look about them which gives us more of a chance.  The defence was so makeshift that Calum Chambers got a chance. Elsewhere Wenger handed a debut to midfielder Reiss Nelson. Upfront, they had Pierre Emerick Aubameyang who is of course cup tied and therefore cannot play in the Europa League. He has started his Arsenal career with five goals in six games so no worries for us then.

Away we go and we are very definitely playing 5-4-1. The midfield looks to have a good balance to it and we have actually selected the right forted JWP on the right and the left footed Tadic on the left. I am genuinely shocked.  You can tell it’s 5-4-1 because Hughes has obviously sent them out to give nothing away in the first 10 so we are rigid as fuck – a line of 5, a line of 4 and letting Arsenal have the ball and knock it around.  The thing we have in our favour is Chambers and Mustafi at centre backs for the Gunners and one long ball finds Shane in space behind a floundering Chambers and Marriner the ref fails to spot Chambers pulling Shane back.  Shane surprisingly doesn’t hit the deck.

Another Chambers clanger gives us our first real chance as he misses Stephens long ball to Tadic and he should shoot but squares beding JWP who has to try and dig it out from behind him with his left foot.  He gets it past Cech but it’s easily cleared from in front of the goal.  We recycle and it eventually falls to Tadic on the left who beats Elneny and again should just smash it goalwards from the narrow angle but tries to pick out a player and it’s cleared.

Despite picking what is on the face of it a defensive line up, we are going forward well and with purpose.  JWP finds Tadic who in turn finds Cedric on the right and though he’s running out of room, digs out a cross and what happens next is a surprise to everyone.  Not that Mustafi and Cech left it to eachother but that Long darts in front of then both and deflects it past the keeper and into the net for only his second goal since man landed on the moon.  Fucking hell, we’re winning…. And from the restart, Arsenal cross it and Stephens wins a header.  What’s going on?

10 minutes.  It’s a good 10 minutes in the context of this shithouse of a season.  We’re 1-0 up away and the home fans, those that have bothered to turn up are pissed off with their team – then they have a shot.  1-1.  It’s one of those typical Arsenal goals.  The ball goes in Aubameyang’s feet and two quick passes and a flick by Welbeck and Aubameyang pokes it past McCarthy whilst we play statues.  Shit.  It’s a good goal - you could be critical of the statues but it's a good goal.

We are still competing well and then Arsenal have another shot.  A ball down the right to Welback with Cedric out of position and Stephens commits the cardinal sin of showing a right footed attacker inside, towards the goal and onto his good foot.  Yoshida could bale him out but turns his back on the shot and leaves a leg dangling out which deflects the ball, giving McCarthy no chance at all.  Fuck sake.  Half time.

Do we keep it tight or go for it at the start of the second half – neither.  It’s all Arsenal vs McCarthy.  He beats out one from Aubameyang and Arsenal then tee up Xhaka from the edge of the box and McCarthy gets down low to keep out the ensuing piledriver.  Great save.  It’s Iwobi’s turn to have a free hit from the edge of the box and again McCarthy is equal to it.  We are staying in position but not making any tackles.  Get into them for fuck sake.

Hang on – Arsenal have taken the foot off and it’s all us again.  A superb move up the left with Tadic to the fore ends with Hojbjerg drilling in an effort from the edge of the box which Cech gets down well to save.  From the resulting corner, Hoedt flicks goalwards and Elneny heads off the line – bastard.  Another cross from Tadic and up goes Shane and heads downwards with Cech again preventing it finding the bottom corner.  He’s almost as good as McCarthy.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh… No! Offside…Shit. Cedric hits one from the edge of the box and Long sidefoots in before going into full finger wagging mode at the linesman.  Replay… is it offside?  Of course it is.  More Saints pressure after Welbeck attempts to win a free kick with a dive and Hoedt creams one goalwards which Cech again saves. 

Hughes decides it’s time for Austin and Yoshida makes way and The referee is obviously ill as we win our first free kick at the Emirates since the ground was built.  We play it quickly and nearly create a chance for Long.  Cedric eventually picks it up, plays a 1-2 with Tadic and surges into box, drops the shoulder and gets to the line before rolling across and there is Austin to knock it in from a yard.  Superb from Cedric and I hope he buys himself a really really tight shirt to celebrate his second assist and it's a deserved equaliser.  Hughes switches to 4-1-4-1 with Shane wide right and away we go.

We immediately try and give it away again with our old favourite, the cross from our left into the Stephens/Cedric Corridor of Uncertainty and everyone watches as Wilshere gets it back into the middle and Welbeck manages to miss an open goal from one yard out.  Then, THE chance.  A long ball, helped on by Tadic and Austin is in behind the defence but on the stretch can only poke it to Cech.  The good news is that his hamstring didn’t go.

Long has had one of those games where he’s run everywhere and been kicked everywhere so he has to come off and interestingly, Hughes goes to Sims ahead of Redmond and Boufal to come on and then disaster.  Iwobi avoids Tadic’ pathetic efforts to stop the cross, chips it into the Stephens/Cedric Corridor of Uncertainty and Welbeck has an easy header into the net for 3-2.  Fuck off.

The remaining 5 minutes are all about Jack Wilshere.  He gives the ball away then rips Stephens shirt off his back, to which Jack responds with a kind of clothesline effort which dumps Wilshere on his arse.  Stephens has to go but the horrible little twat Wilshere just gets a yellow.  I would imagine a 3 game ban will follow for Stephens.  Elneny then gets involved in delaying the free kick, pushes Cedric in the face and Marriner decides to even it up.  If the ref had blown his whistle when Wilshere first started hanging on to Stephens then two players wouldn’t have been sent off.  We have one final effort which was a decent shot on the turn by Tadic which Cech again kept out.  The end… fuck it.

If we had won either of the Newcastle or West Ham games then this defeat would be seen as some sort of unlucky heroic effort. We played pretty well in fairness, especially when compared to the absolute bag of shit that the other two games mentioned served up. It was a game that overall, reminded me of the EFL Cup Final last year. We played well and at times look threatening going forward and at 2-2 I genuinely believed we were going to win but ultimately, we are far too easy to score against. The first goal is fair enough. It is classic Arsenal and the flick from Welbeck to Aubameyang would have undone most defences. The second goal is absolutely tragic from Cedric, Stephens and Yoshida with Maya ballsing it completely by leaning out the way and sticking a leg out which ultimately deflected the ball past McCarthy. The winning goal is one we seem to have conceded loads of times this season with an unpressured cross from our left, over the top of Stephens and a striker appearing in front of Cedric and behind Stephens and scoring. You only have to go back to the second West Ham goal from last week to see exactly the same goal.

There were some good performances for us out there today, unbelievably, led by Shane Long who scored one, nearly scored with a header and had a goal disallowed for a tight offside. Romeu and Hojbjerg combined well so we didn’t miss our Instagram Rock Star Model and JWP did pretty well. Tadic showed that on the left hand side is the only position that he can play and he was decent going forward though I do wish he would shoot occasionally instead of looking for a pass every single time. The negatives are all about the defending. Cedric was excellent going forward was a disaster defensively, Stephens we’ve already touched upon and Yoshida can be partially excused because he is somewhat rusty.

A lot of the media focus after the game will be about the shit storm that was completely initiated by Jack Wilshere.  Wilshere’s contribution to the game was to basically give the ball away and then stop the subsequent Southampton break by grabbing hold of Jack Stephens shirt and hanging onto it for about 15 seconds before taking a second bigger tug of the shirt and ripping it. Stephens then throws him to the ground which meant that he was always going to get sent off whilst Wilshere did what he always does and made a massive meal of it before bouncing back to his feet and getting in Stephens face again. There is also the suggestion that he stuck a knee in as well as he bounced back up. For all this, Jack Stephens got a red card and Jack Wilshere, who had initiated the whole thing only got a yellow. Wilshere’s antics also encouraged Elneny to get involved when he had absolutely no business in getting involved and his push into Cedric’s face meant that he was softly sent off as well. I’m sure part of that dismissal was Andre Marriner wanting to even things up because Wilshere had been such a complete prick. Wilshere even got involved in that, acting like the big peacemaker. All a big act to hide that a) he gave the ball away horribly and b) he’s an odious little twat.  The media love Jack Wilshere though. Fuck knows why as he has done next to nothing for the last three years.  Having said all that about the little shit head, his contribution didn’t affect the result in any way. We still have lost regardless  – the only effect on us is that Stephens will get a 3 match ban which will be Chelsea in the league, Leicester away, and Chelsea at Wembley.

If we had produced this performance under Hughes three months ago, when Pellegrino should’ve got sacked, then everyone will be talking about a brighter future for us but unfortunately because of the procrastinating by the board, all it is is another game gone by and the chances of us getting relegated have increased further. Make no mistake, there were positives from this performance but we need results and we need one in our next home game against Chelsea. I realise that I am sounding like Captain Fucking Obvious here.

Another ‘must win’ coming up and this time it’s against last season‘s Champions. Luckily, they are not what they were last season so we have a chance. I can’t see Hughes playing the same formation because Stephens will be banned, unless he’s been impressed by Bednarek or Alfie Jones in training or under 23 matches. After today and despite the loss and another game drifting away, I am feeling a little bit more optimistic. We have to finish above Stoke and Huddersfield and to be honest, both of them are as shit as we have been but I don’t think they are capable of any better - whereas we are. We now have to prove it.