Premier League Match 8 - Southampton 3 Burnley 1

Charlie and Jay Playing for Their School Team

Burnley at home is the first game in our next sequence of 7 matches in 3 weeks before the next international break.  They’ve been promoted, relegated, promoted in the last 3 seasons and still have Sean Dyche in charge, trying to make a better fist of the Premier League than last time.  On the face of it they seem to have a better squad this time around as long as Andre Gray deletes all his old tweets and doesn’t get banned again.

There are many connections between the two clubs with the most obvious being Jay Rodriguez and Charlie Austin who were once their forward line.  There’s also a connection with good old Dave Merrington who will be displaying Merringtitus on Radio Solent as a Saints co-commentator whereas he was a fierce centre half for Burnley back in the black and white TV days.

We’ve just had an international break and what fun it was.  Gareth Southgate was the interim England manager and the two performances England put in reflected their manager in their uninspiring and boring manner.  His first squad was at least a bit interesting but not really for the right reasons.  Oxlade-Chamberlain got back in on the back of doing precisely fuck all for Arsenal since Fat Sam dropped him.  He gave an interview when he said that being dropped was the kick up the backside he needed.  Surely you are dropped because you’re level isn’t high enough at that time but a month later when the level hasn’t risen, you’re selected again.  Jesse Lingard was also included and I actually didn’t mind this.  He’s become almost a regular with Man United so he’s bound to be there or thereabouts and he’d always been decent for Southgate in the Under 21s.  Lingard made the starting eleven which is fine because we’re playing Malta at home.  Today’s position to shoehorn Rooney into the side was defensive midfield alongside Jordan Henderson Football Genius.  Ryan Bertrand got a start but Fraser Forster didn’t.  I must have imagined Hart being complete shite for England in the summer, being bombed out of Manchester City and flapping around like budgie for Torino and I also must have imagined Fraser keeping five clean sheets in a row.  Away we go and Malta are shite, some neat passing in midfield aside.  They’re best player used to play for Coventry in the Championship so that tells you that this is a League 1 or League 2 level side apart from the goalkeeper who is decent.

England huff and puff and are generally one paced and directionless – sound familiar?  Amazingly, the player who raises the tempo is Henderson and he puts over a great cross which Sturridge expertly guides into the corner with his head for 1-0.  Henderson again then tees up Alli to take two attempts and make it 2-0.  From a Saints point of view it’s a fucking nightmare as Ryan Bertrand picks up a hamstring injury and has to go off and the rest of the first half is shite…. Followed by the whole of the second half.  Half arsed, shite and the commentators and pundits are doing my fucking head in.  If you can’t do your fucking job and tell it as it is then fuck off.  Ryan Giggs – what a boring fucker, someone in a coma would wake up after ten years asleep just to get out of the room he was in.  No wonder he can’t get a job.  How the hell did he chat up his brothers wife… just threw money at her I guess.

Rooney – no one on TV said it but he was fucking dreadful.  Slowed every move down, usually passed it sideways.  Whenever he tried to pass it forwards then he overhit it and not just by a little bit but by fucking miles and he had the touch of someone with two prosthetic legs.  After the 25^th overhit pass straight out of play, there are a few boos in the crowd and all the pundits are up in arms about it.  I’m not a fan of booing your own players but in this case, admit that it’s at least understandable.  He was shite.  Then there was a debate about his role with the team. 

The Slovenia game was notable for the fact that Rooney got dropped and that was it. Credit to Southgate for dropping him but then the performance was shithouse and the most boring 0-0 draw ever.  The only excitement was provided by shit England back passes.  First Dier had a go, Hart and the post to the rescue, then Henderson, Hart to the rescue again.  Cahill then decided not to jump and Dandruff Boy made one of the best saves I’ve ever seen by clawing it out of the top corner.  Fair play to him, he’s been shite but he was brilliant tonight which will mean Fraser on the bench for at least another two years.

Over the two games, I can say that Sturridge is a lazy cunt who makes no runs at all which at least prevents him getting the ball and being a greedy bastard with it. Walcott was shite and didn’t beat his man once, Cahill was given a few moments by a fucking postman or brickie or whoever he was up against, Kyle Walker added attacking to the things he can’t do to go alongside defending which he of course didn’t have to do.  The single most damning thing is that Henderson was probably our best player in the first game and fuck me, he got made captain in the second– Henderson – a bang average midfielder who stood out simply because he injected a bit of urgency on a couple of occasion in the first half of the Malta match.  Alli was pretty decent in both games and Lingard had a good first half against Malta before fading to nothing for the rest of the week.

One final thought – Southgate is not the man.  Ever.

And we’re back at St Mary’s thank Christ… Today is of course about the three points but it’s also about the homecoming of Francis Benali after his lunatic running and cycling effort around the 44 grounds on the Premier League and Championship to raise money for Cancer Research.  The man is a legend.  With Bertrand being injured, I guess it was too much for Franny to put a kit on and play at left back so Matt Targett was in, with Cuco replacing the injured Cedric on the right.  The only other slight surprise was Clasie being preferred to Hojbjerg on the right of the midfield diamond and a slight disappointment that Sofiane Boufal wasn’t even on the bench.  That news was softened by the fact that Shane Long was after picking up an injury with the Republic.

Saints make a good positive start and the left side of Burnley’s team looks very suspect and the I realise that it’s two players who both beg the question ‘how the fuck are they playing in the Premier League?’.  One is Stephen Ward at left back, an agricultural donkey who gives agricultural donkeys a bad name.  On the left wing is rat faced little twat George Boyd who we came across playing for Peterborough in League 1.  Fair play to him for kidding a few people that he’s good enough to be here.

It’s down the other side that the first chance comes from as Targett fastens onto Romeu’s crossfield ball and totally unimpeded by full back Lowton (Villa reject), slings over a great cross which Austin meets and heads down and goalwards.  It’s in… it’s definitely in and we’re 1-0 up… no we’re not as Heaton has got down and made a ridiculous save flipping the ball wide as it bounced up off the ground.  There is mass head holding and applause for the keeper.  Unreal save.  Bastard.

It’s all us with Burnley struggling to get out of their half and then Targett sits down and obviously isn’t getting back up again.  Claude immediately summons Sam McQueen from the bench and on he goes.  It’s refreshing in the extreme as our previous manager, the Lying Dutchman, would have put Yoshida on and played him out of position.  The injury and subsequent break has made it all a bit disjointed though and the game becomes a mess and our next chance comes from an underhit backpass from Virgil which Fraser has to react to and launch forward.  Such is the lead-footedness of Ward that it goes over him and Tadic is through but he knocked it too far and though he got to his touch first, Heaton was right on him to smother it.

Burnley make an appearance in our penalty area as chip forward causes confusion.  It looks like it’s going over Virgil so Jose covers round but Virgil then reaches it and falls over José behind him.  Meanwhile the ball falls to Gudmundsson who crashes down amongst the wreckage of our centre backs.  There’s an appeal but not a full one and amazingly, Mike Dean waves play on and a long ball finds Austin clean through.  As Heaton comes out he tries to chip him and makes a total bollocks of it.

We have one more chance before half time as Redmond twists and shoots, Heaton flaps it out and Austin, who has not had a great half, almost falls over the ball as he fails to force it in at the back post.

Half time is all about the appearance of Francis Benali to rapturous applause from the whole stadium.  What a guy.  I’ll forgive him the fact that he hasn’t mentioned once that he played against me in a match when we were 15.  McQueen is looking decent for us but Franny would certainly get a game ahead of Stephen Ward if I was picking the team.

It’s all us again at the start of the second half and it takes five minutes for Davo to win a corner.  Over it comes from Tadic, won at the back post by Virgil and there’s Austin to take two attempts and force it over the line but over the line it is and 1-0.

Almost straight from the kick off we win the ball and a great break down the left (Lightning McQueen anyone?) and Redmond feeds Tadic who digs out a shot and another corner as Heaton tips over.  Davis swings it in, everyone in the middle misses it but Redmond has peeled off and drills it first time past the defender and keeper to make it 2-0 and you would think, game over.

Burnley respond with nothing and they’re all over the place, allowing Tadic to dissect the right back and centre back and put McQueen in.  Over he goes as he cuts across the defender, penalty.  It’s the first penalty with both Tadic and Austin on the pitch since the infamous squabbling children episode but no arguments this time.  Charlie, Heaton the wrong way, 3-0.

There will be no hat-trick against his former club as ex-Claret J-Rod is on for Austin.  Burnley make another appearance in our half and from the second of two successive corners, Dean points to the spot for what looks like nothing.  Later replays proved it was actually for nothing and Vokes rolls it down the middle for our first goal conceded in 6 and a half matches.  Cheers Mike.

With 15 to go you feel that there might be alarm bells ringing but there are none.  Davis reminds everyone of the one flaw in his game by dragging a very presentable chance wide and José thumps a free header from a corner just wide to his obvious annoyance.  The final chance is down to another great break down the left and McQueen delivers a superb cross on the run which J-Rod meets at full pelt at the back stick but he can only scuff it into the ground and Heaton saves again.  Full time, happy days.

As wins go in the Premier League, that was incredibly easy. This was down in equal measure to our vibrant attacking football which should really have brought more goals and Burnley being absolutely shite relegation fodder.


I would say that all 14 of the players used today were an absolute credit to the shirt. Everyone was an 8/10 at least but for me, Nathan Redmond was the pick of the bunch. Maybe it's because Boufal is nearing fitness but whatever the reason, Redmond was fantastic today.  A major plus today was Jordy Clasie, who not only played the full match but had probably his best game in a Saints shirt.  I also have to mention Sam McQueen who though he had absolutely fuck all to do defensively, terrorised the right hand side of Burnley's defence and put I have a succession of great crosses and of course, won the penalty as well. Made me think of Wayne Bridge who of course, started as a left winger and eventually became left back. He did OK for himself.

I keep hearing about what a great manager Sean Dyche is but he's already been relegated with Burnley once and he is heading that way again. The game plan today was to get a 0-0 draw and the soon as they went behind the game plan appeared to be to lose 1-0, another goal of the game plan was to lose 2-0. In short, they did absolutely fuck all and I would not have been happy being one of their travelling supporters today. I mean, nothing else is working so stick an extra man upfront and try the long ball for fuck's sake but no, Nothing. 3-1 flattered them horribly and it was all down to Tom Heaton in goal and Mike Dean's desire to make a name for himself as the referee who gives the most penalties every week. Dyche had a moan about the one they didn't get given in the first half which in real time and right front of me, I didn't think was a penalty either (until I saw it later).  To be fair he did admit that we were the better side but how could he not but it's a pretty desperate straw he's clutching at to mention a penalty decision he didn't get after 20 minutes when you've been absolutely played off the park. It's easy to forget that they sent to half Michael Keane was in the last England squad. Maybe it was an off game but he was pretty average today.

Claude was understandably delighted and of course pointed out that we should have one of my many more. The style of football that he has asked playing is now putting average opponents to the sword. In case you hadn't noticed our next five games are Inter Milan away Manchester City away, Chelsea at home, Hull away and Inter Milan at home. If we get through that lot undefeated then a) it will be a fucking miracle and b) it will be a fucking miracle.  It'll be interesting to see what we do with the team selection for the Inter-away match and Manchester City at the weekend. Normally you would expect a stronger team in the Premier League game but I think most fans would prefer to put a strong team out in Milan and take our chances with the City away game which is after all, the most difficult Premier League fixture of the season. We have a few injuries of course what with being down to the third choice in both full back position is but on the positive side Shane Long doesn't appear to be too badly injured, J Rod got a run out today and I would think that Boufal will feature somewhen in these next two games.

For today though, the unbeaten run went up to 7 games and we've come back after an international break and demolished someone. One of my favourite hobby horses is Match of the Day and how ‘big club’ focussed they are.  Usually I just accept it with rolling eyes in my head but this weekend was difficult.  MOTD2, which we always feature on now because we only play on Sundays, was delayed a night to Monday so they could feature the hyped to fuck 0-0 bore draw between two of the big clubs, Merseyside Redcunts and Manchester Redcunts.  They did show quite a lot of our game but the analysis, provided by Keown and Kilbane was horrific.  They show the penalty shouts and yep, it sure looks like Virgil carted Gudmundsson and it should have been a penalty.  However, they’re asking why Virgil turned his back on the player and that’s plainly obvious.  José was on the ground behind him and Virgil was falling over him at the time so you could hardly say it was deliberate.  Then they moved onto our penalty and basically said that McQueen dived, no mention of how well another Saints youngster played on his debut.  Yes it was a soft penalty but compare and contrast the reaction to that penalty and the one Luke Shaw won against Saints earlier in the season.  The same kind of challenge, a slight touch and over he goes but no one even mentioned the possibility that Shaw dived.  At least they agreed on the Burnley penalty which was absolute horse shit though no one actually mentioned that it should have been our free kick as Vokes has hold of Virgil’s shirt right the way through the incident.  If you’re going to be the ‘go to’ man for penalty shouts Mike Dean – at least get it fucking right.

What can you say about the legend that is Francis Benali that hasn’t already been said?   Two weeks of a marathon a day and 75 miles on a bike is absolutely mental for a 47 year old bloke.  I’m a 47 year old bloke and there is absolutely no way in this lifetime as I can barely run to the chip shop.   If you haven’t done so, stick some money in the pot here…

http://www.benalisbigrace.com/

What’s next?  Oh yes… Inter Milan at the San Siro… fucking hell!