Saturday, November 14, 2015

England Euro 16 Squad Prediction


Oi You... Out... You Don't Play for Spurs or United

(Writtem before the Spain friendly)

Having had the easiest qualification group in the history of modern civilisation, England have organized some high profile friendlies against decent countries… the kind of opposition that Wayne Rooney never scores against if it’s a competitive game.  The idea is probably to get us into some sort of shape for the tournament itself but this of course will be offset by England’s traditional half arsed 6-subs-at-half-time-keep-the-big-clubs-managers-happy approach.  We all know that if the big names like Rooney play badly in these games then it won’t make any difference to their chances of selection for the tournament but if Jamie Vardy has a poor game in one of his cameo appearances on the wing then he’ll be discarded and replaced in the squad by Daniel Sturridge, even if he doesn’t play a single one of these friendlies, which he won’t because he’ll be in a full body cast.

I thought it would be fun to try and predict what Uncle Roy’s squad will be for Euro 2016. I have made the assumption that everyone will be fit which of course they won’t be.  Excuse the cynicism that will no doubt pervade the rest of this article.

Goalkeepers – These will be Joe Hart and Jack Butland.  The third one will be Fraser Forster if he’s back playing by then.  Once you’re past these three then the cupboard is pretty bare as you’re down to the horrific John Ruddy.

Right Back – Nathaniel Clyne will be first choice as he’s now a much better player than last year because he plays for Liverpool.  There won’t be a second right back on the plane because one of the centre backs will play there, probably John Stones who will in fact probably start because the media will demand his inclusion somewhere in much the same way as they demanded Raheem Sterling in the starting line up for the World Cup.  Other right backs who get in the squad occasionally include Kyle Walker who gets in because he plays for Spurs and no other reason.  He can’t defend and has no positional sense – other than that he’s great.

Left Back – It’ll be Shaw and Baines if Shaw is fit.  He’ll probably be half fit so Baines will start and it’ll be proven yet again that he cannot defend for shit.  Ryan Bertrand will be left out no matter how well he plays for the rest of the season and will be behind Kieran Gibbs in the pecking order because not playing for Arsenal will be ranked above playing every game for Southampton.  Spurs have an English left back as well so Bertrand will probably be 5th choice.

Centre Backs – Cahill and Smalling will start no matter how bad Cahill is in Chelsea’s defence this season.  It’s scary how Smalling has suddenly become our best centre back but he has improved so fair play.  You would think that the other two in the squad will be Phil Jagielka and John Stones.  However, here is always the chance of Phil Jones sneaking in there because 5 years ago, someone said he was the new Duncan Edwards when he’s in fact, the new Phil Neville as he can play badly in a number of positions.  This does not make him versatile.  In his main position of centre back he’s like a cross between Dejan Lovren (out of position and desperately trying to recover) and Steven Caulker (ball watcher).  He’s a Roy favourite though and apparently, according to Roy, “the country will ask questions if Phil Jones isn’t selected.”

Defensive Midfield – This will be interesting because Eric Dier may well make a late run because a) he plays for Spurs, b) he plays for Tottenham, c) Come on you Spurs and d) When the Spurs go Marching In.  Then you have my two favourites in Milner and Henderson who are both symptomatic of the problem that we’ve had in the England team for 40 years – an inability to keep the ball.  They run around a lot but have little actual ability with the ball.  This apparently makes them reliable (in the same way that Phil Jones is versatile). They will both certainly be in the squad and one if not both of them will be in the starting XI.  Roy seems to love Michael Carrick despite pulling out of about 10 England internationals in a row.  Opposition midfielders will be gagging for the chance to put him under the slightest pressure so he’ll be useless.  However, Roy rates the non-tackling, non-running central midfielder.  If fit, Jack Wilshere will be selected and probably stuffed into defensive midfield where he’s not very good.  Fabian Delph will probably fit into this category as well and he should be fresh after playing about 5 games for Manchester City this season.  Then we have Deli Alli who Hodgson said would be straight back into the Under 21s after the last game but of course, he isn’t.  Billed as a defensive midfielder, he came on as sub at Number 10 so who knows?  He might have a chance because of who he plays for as opposed to Jonjo Shelvey who will fall by the wayside as the season goes on as Swansea struggle.  He’s not a big name and not at a big club so will be easy to leave out as no one in the media will give a shit.

Attacking Midfield – Ross Barkley has been the best player in England’s last few internationals but isn’t trusted by Hodgson so he’ll be in the squad but probably not in the team as Rooney will have to play somewhere won’t he.  Adam Lallana will get in the squad as there’s always room for a player who clearly has fitness issues and you need them when you have potentially 6 games in a month.  I wonder if they still give out physical England caps and if they do, does Lallana get 60% of one, without the peak or something.  Raheem Sterling will start on the left despite not having anything resembling a left foot but he cost a lot of money so he’ll be in.  On the right will probably be Theo Walcott whose best position is down the middle but Rooney plays there.  Alex Chamberlain will be in the squad as well as he always is as he’s used to playing 1 game in 5 for his club and it might affect his confidence if he’s not selected.  Another who is probably better played centrally but he’ll be out on the wing because he can run.  I’d better include Jamie Vardy on here as if he makes the cut, he’ll be in the squad as an unused reserve left winger, even if he scores in every game he plays from now to the end of the season.  Mind you, to even get in the squad he’ll have to withstand the challenge of Danny Welbeck who will probably get one goal in the last game of the season and get in.

Strikers – We all know that Rooney will play and we all know that he should not be a starting player for England any more.  He’ll start, probably as the number 10.  He would be the main striker but for the emergence of Harry Kane who will start because a) he deserves to and b) Tottenham Tottenham, no one can stop them.  Actually, the one thing that will stop Kane starting will be Daniel Sturridge who will play if he can get a shirt on over his full body cast and some socks on over his two protective boots.  As I said, Rooney will start even though the world can see that he’s gone as a top level footballer.  The English disease of keeping a player past his sell by date as a reward for his past achievements.  It’s one of the reasons we do nothing in these tournaments and will continue to do that.  Top level sport is about being ruthless and decisive and we are just not that.  We took Frank Lampard to the last World Cup for Christ’s sake.

So, My (depressing) Prediction for Roy Hodgson’s England Squad for Euro 2016 is:

Hart, Butland, Forster
Clyne, Baines, Shaw, Cahill, Smalling, Stones, Jones
Wilshere, Henderson, Milner, Carrick, Lallana, Sterling, Chamberlain, Barkley, Walcott, Rooney, Kane, Sturridge, Welbeck

Gibbs, Bertrand, Jagielka, Alli, Dier, Delph, Shelvey & Vardy will all miss out.

The starting XI will be:

Hart; Stones, Cahill, Smalling, Baines; Henderson, Wilshere, Carrick; Rooney, Kane, Sterling

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