Premier League Match 6 - Southampton 2 Manchester United 3

If Only He'd Saved his Move to Madrid.

Man United at home. Let’s do this.

I’m optimistic about this one as we were decent in our last home game and United look bang average this season.  They’ve won a couple of games in uninspiring fashion but really don’t look that great.  Squirrel head has not scored yet this season and any defence with Smalling in it is not going to be watertight.  Luke Shaw of course will not be playing today as he had his leg broken by a pretty poor tackle in United’s defeat at PSV in the Champions League in the week which was a real shame.  Luke is one who left in the correct manner in that he didn’t throw his toys out, mouth off in any way or do a fucking Nivea advert and after all, he was going to be first choice at the biggest club in the country.  The fact that there were mutual appreciation messages exchanged on Twitter between Luke and the club in the aftermath of the injury shows the level of respect there. 

It’s been a quiet week at St.Mary’s with not a lot happening.  There was talk of a new contract for Ronald but the manager has indicated that nothing has been spoken about as yet.  In the aftermath of him being named England U21’s skipper, JWP was media linked with Manchester City and Chelsea – I’ll just leave that one out there.  We’re not expecting Bertrand or Clasie to be available any time imminently and so it proves as our team shows Romeu in for Davis, Mané in for J-Rod and Yoshida in for Cédric…what?!?  With this selection, Ronald is indicating that a) he doesn’t think Cédric is good enough to play against the big clubs b) he thinks Maya will handle Depay well c) he thinks Martina is shite.  He’s also continuing his policy of throwing in one strange selection per week.  Those drugs they gave him in the Dutch hospital when he had his achilles operated on must have been pretty strong.

United… oh yeah, Morgan Schneiderlin…sigh!  I wish he was still playing for us but we’ll manage.  I was kind of hoping he’d be on the bench but no, He’s starting alongside Michael Carrick which will at least keep him busy doing all of Carrick’s running. Oh look they’ve got the World Cup winning captain Schweinsteiger is on the bench.  Martial is starting, so is Rooney, so is Depay…. Juan Mata… still a very good selection of players but then you have the defence who you have to get at.  Damian is new to the league, Blind is not really a centre back, Rojo is very very average and though Smalling is improving, that really isn’t saying much.  De Gea is in goal after his non-transfer to Real Madrid, which is a shame as he’s genuinely world class, unlike Romero who was pretty shite.

We start pretty well with Big Vic and Romeu anchoring the midfield strongly and Saints pressing all over the pitch.  It’s basically a 4-4-2 formation with Sadio behind Graziano up front but the Mané has obviously been told to put Carrickunder pressure and he catches him in possession twice in the opening 10 minutes.  We create the first chance on 10 minutes as Pellè played a crossfield ball to Mané who picked out Tadic on the edge of the box but it ended up on his right foot and there was a distinct lack of surprise when he shanked it wide.

It is however, a prelude to us taking the lead as JWP fires the cross in on the run where it’s met first time by Mané steaming in.  Mané is totally unimpeded by Carrick who is not steaming back with him but de Gea pulls off a worldie to push it out.  In the time it took all the United defenders to stand still and think ‘oh look, there’s a rebound’, Graziano reacted and knocked it into the net and lets go mental.  Great start and a deserved lead.

United look shite and it’s nearly 2-0 as Romeu plays a straight ball to Graziano who is second favourite but he bustles past Blind who seems to be wearing concrete boots and carrying a caravan on his back, before curling a right footed shot around de Gea but it smacks off the post and bounces away.  Shit.

A cross into the box from the right from Pellè is inviting for the players running in and JWP hits the deck off the ball in the presence of Rojo.  There’s ahalf arsed appeal for a penalty but no one is too convincing and Twattenburg is never going to give that and predictably, he doesn’t.

It seems to bring a change in the proceedings as United start passing and we basically, watch them do it.  When we get the ball, there’s usually a foul and usually by Schneiderlin but despite being spoken to for the second foul, he’s allowed a couple more by the lenient Twattenburg.

Another United passing move with us sitting off starts but the danger looks over as JWP gets the ball but then he just mindlessly hoofs it against Rojo but it bounces back to a United player and they build up again.  The ball is eventually played through to Mata who is offside and he feeds Martial who feigns to shoot, leaves Virgil on his arse and then calmly slots it past Stekelenburg with United’s first shot on target.  It’s my first expletive of the season in the Family Stand.

The final 10 minutes of the first half are poor from us and I’m please to go in at 1-1 though seething about the way we’ve switched off for the last 20 minutes or so.  Hopefully half time will see things back to how they started.

During half time, Matt Targett has gone home for his tea so we’re immediately wasting a substitution and Martina is coming on at left back which basically eliminates any attacking play from either full back.  United pulled a like for like change with Darmian being replaced with Valencia.

We haven’t made any attacking inroads but haven’t particularly looked stretched at the back either when Maya casually turns the ball towards Stekelenburg but it’s complete shite and goes straight to Martial who is never going to miss.  He rolls it into the corner for 2-1 and that’s a fucking nightmare.  For Fonte and van Persie last year, read Yoshida and Martial this year.  A day after the Japanese rugby team beat South Africa, our Japanese has royally ballsed it.  Cédric – our dodgy right back who can’t defend – must have been pissing himself laughing at least a bit.  It’s pointless and useless and a stupid bastard thing to do to knock it across the box in the general direction of the keeper.  There is no defence – it’s just shite.  As I say to my son’s Under 12 team – you are a defender first and foremost and if in doubt, they can’t score if the ball is miles away from the pitch.

Goals given away like that are always a complete kick in the balls that take some recovering from but we nearly do relatively quickly as Tadic swings in a corner from the right and José meets it.  It’s behind de Gea and heading in but the bastard arches back and keeps it out.  Real Madrid’s fax machine has a lot to answer for.

The next United sub sees the perennially shit Carrick being replaced by Germany’s World Cup Winning Captain.  Great.  We’ve brought on Curucao’s right back and played him on the left.

United start another move and we back right off, pass, pass, pass for what seems like about 5 minutes.  We’re not even getting close to putting in a tackle, let alone actually winning the ball.  On it goes, pass, pass, pass until eventually a shot from Depay which pings off the post and rebounds straight to Mata who is unmarked and he just smashes it in the net.  Mata has no pace but he’s managed to lose Martina who is supposed to be marking him but you can’t just blame Martina for this – it’s a horrific team goal.  When the other team plays keep ball for ages, you get in their faces, you go and kick one of them to break it up.  You don’t just bloody lie down and wait for them to fucking score but that’s what we did.  Wankers.

Ronald’s response is to send Steve Davis on for Romeu.  I can see the logic in it but we’re 3-1 down and with the best will in the world, Steve Davis isn’t going to pull two goals out of his locker.  The remaining substitution has to be a forward and it’s just a question of which one and Shane Long is the man, replacing JWP who hen he went off, was noticed by many in the crowd for the first time since the first United goal.

With four minutes left of the 90, in front of about 5000 less Saints fans who were there at the start, football breaks out and we fly down the right and Mané fires over a cross, right onto the unmarked Big Beautiful Italian’s head, bang, 3-2, pick that out, game on!  Cue people trying to get back to their seats – no, fuck off.

It’s completely turned now as we are putting in some effort.  Big Vic has come to life and we’re all over them.  Shane Long and Steve Davis have made a huge difference in the energy levels and we’re suddenly 15 yards further up the pitch.  Big Vic picks up the ball and jinks towards the edge of the box and I’m expecting the usual scuffer or hoof into the crowd but he hits a superb left footer which is arrowing towards the top corner only for de Gea to take off and turn it over the bar.  I hate him.  We manage another header from José which is cleared but in truth, though I’m sure of their fans wouldn’t see it this way, United saw it out in relative comfort. 

Last year we always seemed to get things conspire against us in terms of player availability for the big games against the big teams.  We had Nemanja Matic and his ridiculous appeal against a 3 match ban which was reduced to 2 so he could play against us.  Also, miraculously we managed to play twice against Daniel Sturridge for Liverpool.  Today, we play United just when de Gea comes back into the team only this time it’s worse as the bastard was brilliant today.  Despite us being absolute shite for the majority of the game, we’d still have got something if they’d had a normal keeper in goal instead of fucking Superman.  To think that we all thought he was shite when he first arrived at United.  Then we have Martial who has hit the ground running in a way that no one even van Gaal could have predicted.  I know he cost a fortune but his record up until now didn’t suggest a goal-a-game striker.  If Rooney had been up front I think this game would have been different.

We basically started this game brilliantly and played really well for 20 to 25 minutes and then we totally fucking packed up and did nothing for the next 60 to 65 minutes aside from concede three fucking goals. Two of the goals we let in were as a result of us standing off and allowing United to pass the fucking ball around under no pressure for a good minute to 2 minutes before they got sight of our goal and scored. The other goal of course that was a complete gift given away by a completely stupid and unnecessary backpass straight to a centre forward. For the first 20 minutes we were all over them like a rash when they had the ball. Sadio Mane in particular was all over Carrick, not giving him the time he needs to be effective and then we seemed to just stop and allow United to get into the game whereas up until that point they had not done anything at all. For the last 10 minutes we showed some urgency again and could've easily snatched a point at the end if it wasn't for United's one genuinely world-class player to bail them out. We put in effort for the first 20, the last 10 and that was it and we still only lost 3-2 which shows you how little we would have to have done to have got a result from this game. Mind you, if you gift the opposition goals like we did then you deserve to win fuck all.

I can't even complain too much about my favourite referee Mark Clattenburg who actually was pretty good apart from failing to book Morgan Schneiderlin for repeated fouls in the first half. There was no danger of him getting booked in the second half as we allowed him to just stroll through the game.

United scored with all three of their three shots on target and it pisses me off. It would piss me off if it was against any opposition but particularly against United. 'Efficient' is no doubt what Van Gaal would say, 'fortunate' would be what others would say. Typical that Martial started against us - he'll save their season as like the England national side, they would be much better off without that little fat rug headed bastard upfront.  Van Gall said afterwards that they are potential champions – well that’s bollocks.

Ronald Koeman seems to like throwing in at least one nonsensical selection per match. This time of course it was the selection of Yoshida at right back ahead of Cedric. Well, if Cedric is thought of as being a dodgy defender, I haven't seen him gift the opposition a goal with a shit backpass as yet so maybe it's time to rethink that one a little bit. After all, we'd kept three clean sheets in a row with Cedric in the team and you never know, he may have popped up with a cross or two when we needed it. But instead we had a joke combination of fullbacks in an attacking sense with Yoshida reluctant to go over halfway and Martina just being utter shit, doubly so because he has no left foot. It’s not Martina’s fault he was on the pitch though.  Like in the Everton game, Matt Targett looked like a boy in a mans world and unlike the Everton game when he was almost forced back onto the pitch after a knock, he was subbed today. Virgil van Dijk had a mixed match, Looking good for most of the first half but tiring towards the end of the second, culminating in the cramp issue. You can't have a mid-match rest in the English Premier League I guess, like you can when you're playing for Celtic in Scotland. One thing I did notice though was that he is not very good in the air, not winning a clear header all game against Martial who is hardly a giant. Virgil jumps for the ball and seems to turn away from it meaning the ball hits the side of his head and just plops down onto the ground rather than going any distance.  José Fonte was very indifferent as well, attempting a Yoshida backpass as well but he was fortunate in that he jkust about got away with it.

On the wings, JWP and Tadic both started the game well, both putting over some really dangerous crosses before both producing 75 minutes of fuck all. It was really only Pelle and Mane who put in decent 95 minute performances. Big Vic and Romeu were great in the first 20 and Vic came to life in the last 10 but they were a major part of the 60 minutes of backing off and though I was moaning a lot whne he came on as a sub, Steve Davis’ introduction coincided with us getting back on the front foot and playing some football again.

Bollocks.  A defeat and 16^th in the league and below fucking Bournemouth.  Next up we have MK Franchise in the Carling Cup 3^rd Round.  Suddenly, winning that one has become a bit more important.  I guess an indication of how seriously we’re taking it will be if Martina is picked or not n what will doubltless be a mix and match side.  Expect J-Rod, expect Shane Long, expect Caulker, expect Gazzaniga but please not Martina.