Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Premier League Match 37 - Southampton 6 Aston Villa 1


All Hail The Power of the Stripe

The renaissance of Aston Villa under Captain Bellend has been quite remarkable in that he took over from Paul Lambert when the Villa owner realised that he was one of the worst mangers ever which was something that had been obvious to everyone else for about two years.  Captain Tim Bellend Sherwood (to give him his full name) is not my idea of a decent manager but his affect on Villa can’t be denied as they are now in touching distance of safety and are scoring some goals, which is something Paul Lambert seemed hell bent on doing without, with his 9-0-Seventy yards-1 formations which he employed both home and away, regardless of the opposition.  The 1 up front was usually Christian Benteke who had scored about 2 goals all season until Bellend came in and now he’s scored 10 in the last 9 games or something like that.  They confirm survival if they win today so we’ll have to be up for it cos despite having an FA Cup Final to play in a couple of weeks, Villa certainly will be.

It’s been a good week at SFC since the Leicester shambles.  The most significant news is that Jay Rodriguez has signed a new contract meaning that all the ‘done deal to Man City / Liverpool / Spurs’ stories were shite all along.  This is great news because not only does it give us a new and very good striker next season, it shows that the club is a good place to be to anyone potential wantaways.  There has to come a point when every player must look at those who have left and how their careers have without exception, gone downhill and wonder if it is in fact better to stay put.  No doubt buoyed by the news of J-Rod signing up, Les Reed has gone to print saying that the Clyne contract negotiations are in a good place as well and we’ll know pretty soon.  I’d accepted that he was going but I’m beginning to think positively that there might be a chance that he’ll stay.

The media department released a very amusing video featuring a Dr Barry Gale and his #showyourstripes campaign.  With various first teamers and club staff joining in it was quite a cool thing to come out of the club and showed the club in a very good light as one that when the time is right, is prepared to show a different non-serious side.  The video was all part of the unveiling of next years home strip which is a decent looking shirt – however, we are back with adidas so it’s one of their template jobs.  It’s better than that all red monstrosity from 2013/14 but you’re left with the feeling that adidas really haven’t put too much thought into it.  Still, I’m not one to get too hot under the collar about kit.

Something had to give following the Leicester defeat and JWP and Shane Long were recalled in place of Elia and Reed with Morgan not fit to return and J-Rod still not fit enough for the bench.  Villa had more or less their first choice side aside from having Hutton at left back when he’s a right back.  They have Tom Cleverley in midfield who is shite but he’s had a couple of half decent game recently so there are rumours kicking round that he’ll be back in the England squad soon.  Nothing would surprise me with Roy Hodgson.  Didn’t he compare Cleverley with Fabregas?  Senile old goat.

Straight from the kick off we’re looking good and Villa are looking a bit ropey at the back.  A ball comes in from the right, behind the defence and Graziano is through and finishes it superbly first time before anyone realises that the flag has gone up.  On first viewing it looked like Long was the one in the offside position but he was miles away from the ball so not active.  Graziano has gone over to have a good old Mamma Mia at the linesman and later replays proved he was dead right as he was a good two yards onside.  Shite decision.
Villa’s high defensive line is so easy to breach because the defenders are slow, our forwards are quick and the Villa midfield is not closing down the ball carrier, in this case Bertrand whose long ball puts Graziano through.  He should square it to JWP but he shoots, forcing Given into a decent low save.

We were nearly made to pay for that miss (and the shit linesman) straight afterwards as Villa’s first attack saw Benteke played in.  Gazza came, stopped, then went again and Benteke got there first and poked it wide of the near post.  Not a great start by Gazza who would have got there first if he’d just gone for it.  Mind you, diving at Benteke’s feet is a bit like diving in front of a lorry.

It’s a fairly even game as we reach the 15 minute mark but what happened in the next few minutes was absolutely mad.  Some nice build up play ends with Graziano flicking the ball through the defence into the path of Mané who easily knocks Hutton out of the way before poking a shot at the onrushing Given.  It bounces off the keeper and off of Sadio and lands perfectly for him to just roll it into the net for 1-0.  Get in!

Villa’s defending was atrocious for the goal and straight from the kick off we win the ball back and attack down the right.  Vlaar decides it’s a good idea to play a blind back pass to Given and he’s taken by surprise by Long appearing from nowhere to challenge him.  It looks like a foul on Long but the ball bounces free to give Sadio another tap in to make it 2-0.  The rather large contingent of vociferous Villa fans in fancy dress have suddenly become a large contingent of mute fans wishing they looked inconspiculous.

If two goals in two minutes wasn’t enough for anyone, we win the ball back from the kick off on the left hand side and Shane Lang plays a superb 1-2 with Bertrand and he’s off down the wing with Bacuna and Cleverley, who are supposed to be on that side, completely absent.  Long races to the edge of the penalty area and squares it to Mané who has half the pitch to himself and he sidefoots it right footed, curling away from Given and into the net for 3-0 and a 3 minute hat-trick.  It’s fucking unbelievable.

There’s then a great chance for 4-0 as Fonte goes over the top and JWP is through but he delays his shot too long and clips is straight to Given at head height when a ball inside would have left Graziano with a tap in.

Villa are shot to shit and it gives Jack Grealish a chance to show what he’s all about which is basically the full repertoire of diving, throwing his arms up in the air at the ref and team-mates and when he is actually fouled, waving imaginary cards about.  Utter wanker.  He’s had a bit of positive press recently but you’ve done fuck all in the game son so I hope someone has a word with him.  Captain Bellend perhaps.  Whilst Grealish is testing out my ability to not swear in the family centre, I’m amused by a bloke turning up and sitting behind me and wondering what he’s missed.  Very funny.

At least the latecomer didn’t have too long to wait for a goal and another duly arrives as Mané picks up the ball on the right and slots a lovely ball behind the defence to Graziano.  His shot is well saved by the foot of Given but the keeper gets unlucky as it rolls straight to Long who knocks it into the empty net for 4-0.

There’s then a period of about 10 minutes without a goal before unbelievably, it’s 5-0.  Villa are knocking the ball about and having a bit of possession but Long catches the useless Westwood with the ball about 40 yards out and looks up, spots Given off his land and just lashes it over his head and straight into the roof of the net for 5-0.  This raises the roof and a large swathe of Villa fans decide it’s time to go to the refreshment stalls.  We’ve run out of the nooses we used to sell – the Sunderland fans bought them all.  There is a glorious shot on the big screen of Captain Bellend with his face in his hands which gets one of the biggest cheers of the day.

Just before half time there is the most under celebrated goal that St Mary’s has ever seen as Bacuna gets down our left and swings over a cross.  Benteke is up early and his hands on José Fonte’s shoulders prevent him from jumping and the big Belgian buries the header with Gazza having no chance.  Soon after, one of the most incredibly halves of football I’ve ever seen came to an end.

The half time break was spent listening to a live interview with Barry Gale in which he predicted an 11-1 win due to the power of the stripe and getting conformation that Sadio’s hat-trick is the quickest one ever in the Premier League and it’s broken the Robbie Fowler record that everyone thought would last forever.

Captain Bellend’s tactical adjustments for the second half include not playing with a left back.  I think that Hutton is supposed to be playing there but he’s kind of tucked in like a 3rd centre back and Mané and Clyne are firing over crosses at will which we totally fail to get on the end of.  From one such cross we win a corner which is expertly delivered by JWP and flicked on by Fonte and Long sticks out a boot but can’t make contact.

Apart from the flurry of corners, Saints seem happy to sit back and let Villa have the ball and do nothing with it.  It’s odd how getting pegged back to 5-1 can make you cautious whereas a 5-0 lead would have possibly led to a rout of Sunderland proportions.  Yoshida is on for Davis with Toby pushed into midfield alongside Big Vic as Ronald attempts to control the midfield even more.  Toby’s presence allows Big Vic to go and enjoy himself and he’s charging forward now and retrieving a Clyne cross on the goal line and feeding it back to Pellè whose shot iis deflected over the bar.  JWP;s corner is perfect and straight onto the head of Yoshida whose marker, the hopeless Westwood has obligingly fallen on his arse.  He powers the header goalwards but Given defies his 57 years and spectacularly claws it away.

Little twat Grealish is off and Agbonlahor is on and amazingly, Bellend decides that Bacuna has been worse than Hutton and takes him off, bringing on Lowton at left back and giving Hutton the chance to prove that he’s shit on either side of the pitch.  Meanwhile, Agbonlahor is making that face like a bulldog chewing a wasp whilst simultaneously licking piss off a stinging nettle.

Filip Djuricic is on for JWP \nd his first involvement is to drive forward with the ball and feed Mané who gives it back to him and Djuricic backheels a lovely ball behind Lowton to where Mané fires in a right footed first time cross and Pellè meets it on the volley and crashes it into the roof of the net.  Is this the best goal of the game or was it the 5th… or the 3rd.  Who cares?  It’s a brilliant goal again.

Off goes Graziano to be replaced with Eljero Elia but we’re done with attacking now as Villa have possession.  They manage to carve out a decent chance for Agbonlahor that Gazza gets down well to save and the same player shanks an opportunity a coupe of minutes later but Gazza is again up to the task.  Finall whistle. Easy.

Captain Tim Bellend Sherwood has won a lot of plaudits this season for the rescue job he’s done with Villa and getting them to the FA Cup final and deservedly so.  I think today severely showed up him limitations as he persisted with the high defensive line that got consistently shredded by the pace of Long and Mané and the guile of Pellé.  It’s not hard to chip a ball into a fucking great space and let a quick guy run onto it.  OK, he couldn’t have done much in between Sadio’s 3 goals but to persist with that tactic was insane.  Villa have improved by closing the distance down between Benteke and the rest of the players but playing a high line against quick forwards is going to get you nowhere.  Somewhere, Arsene Wenger is smiling at the prospect of the FA Cup Final.

As a team today, we were superb with all areas of the team meshing well to complete the performance.  Starting at the back and I have to say that Gazzaniga had a good game.  He saved everything he should have saved and took a couple of crosses well.  I know this is all standard stuff for a keeper but this is Gazza we’re talking about.  I would still be horrified if we started next season with one of him or Superkelv in goal but today he was decent aside from that one slight hesitancy in the first couple of minutes.  The back 4 coped well with Benteke which was made easier by the lack of service into him as both N’Zogbia and Grealish were complete shit, made to look so by the defensive work of Clyney and Bertrand.  José will be a bit disappointed to get outjumped for the goal like that but in the main both he and Alderweireld were their usual excellent selves.  I really hope that this is not the last time we see Toby at St Mary’s.  the midfield showed that there may be life after Morgan with Big Vic anchoring strongly and Davis and JWP putting in the hard yards.  If JWP can add a little bit of steel to his game (like Morgan has as he’s got older) then we’ll have a serious player for the media to like with all the big clubs.  The front three were superb, aided and abetted by Villa’s ludicrous high defensive line and performances that were as bad as you’ll ever see from Okore, Vlaar and Hutton in particular.  Mané, Long and Pellè all had field days and all three showed their value today.  Ronald Koeman of course was delighted, if a little surprised at how the game had panned out.

As the lap of appreciation snaked round the pitch, it was good to see Fraser Forster, Morgan and J-Rod out there.  Let’s hope we see all of them on the pitch in Saints colours soon.  I didn’t spot anyone doing the Lallana badge kissing wanker bit so that has to be a good sign I guess.

In our mini-league, Swansea lost to Man City so they can no longer catch us. Also losing were Fucking Liverpool who blew Steven Gerrard’s last match at Anfield was getting humped 3-1 by Palace in a game where Dejan Lovren again looked like someone who had never played football before as Yannick Bolasie handed him a new arsehole time after time.  Fucking Spurs unfortunately beat Hull 2-0 so going into the last game, Fucking Liverpool are 5th, a point ahead of Fucking Spurs and we’re another point further back.  Basically, unless we get a point at City then we’re finishing 7th and will be hoping that the same Villa as today turn up to the FA Cup Final and get dicked by Arsenal.  Hull’s defeat today meant that Villa were guaranteed to stay up.  Well done lads.

I said last week that today’s game was important, not only for qualifying for Europe but also for the general feel of things going into the summer.  Whatever test, we were trying to pass, we did it with flying colours.  Stripes of course Dr.Gale. 



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