Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Premier League Match 31 - Everton 1 Southampton 0


"I will give you a chance by picking a shit forward line"

A week of internationals has passed since Saints last game and as is my want, I’ll focus on the Hodgson revolution and England.  The original squad he chose for the England game included Fraser Forster who subsequently got injured and Nathaniel Clyne.  Ryan Bertrand was not selected and saw Baines, Gibbs and Shaw called up ahead of him.  Following Fatty Shaw’s predictable withdrawal with a pie related injury, Danny Rose was called up as Hodgson slapped Bertrand in the face again.  Before the first game against the Lithuanian World Football powerhouses, Rose dropped out and Hodgson said he wasn’t calling up a replacement – another slap.  Following another crushingly average Baines performance, I’d like to think that he finally saw sense and Ryan got the call to replace Baines who was returning to his club, presumably to learn how to defend.

Anyway, yours truly was present at Wembley Stadium to witness the 4-0 win, the highlight of which was Harry Kane doing a Sir Rickie and coming on the score with virtually his first touch.  I have to say that he looks a very good player with some very good movement and he could have scored more if England actually delivered the ball into the box instead of pissing about with it.  The other goals came from Rooney early on, Welbeck who was our best player and Sterling who only played for 5 minutes despite being on the pitch for 90. Clyney was no more than average at right back, not helped by once again having Henderson playing in front of him who was dogshit.  The guy can’t pass water and when he eventually went off and Ross Barkley came on, the Everton man only seems to look left so clubmate Baines got a lot of the ball, usually to no effect whatsoever.  The original selection was strange… actually it was shit; a midfield three of Henderson, Carrick and Delph is really not what you need against very poor opposition at home.

Onto Italy and a friendly and Graziano Pellè lined up against us in an experimental Italian side.  Even with a different side, the Italians represented the best side Hodgson’s England had played against since the World Cup fiasco which has been completely glossed over by the media.  A few qualifying wins against utter dross does not justify Wayne Squirrel Head’s assertion that teams are scared of England now.  Predictably, Hodgson picked a ballbag of a side with Phil fucking Jones in midfield when he’s not even good enough in his correct position.  Oddly enough and with total unpredictability, the Henderson-Jones-Delph dream combo in midfield was utter, utter shit and we were 1-0 down when Italian centre back Chiellini totally skinned Jones and crossed for Graziano to flick a header past Joe Hart.  It was odd moment as I was delighted for the goalscorer and the effect it could have on his form for Saints.  To cut a long story short, Hodgson got lucky when Smalling got injured and Jones had to move back into defence and Carrick came on.  Clyney had a piss-poor game and was off at half time though he’s obviously been reined in as he didn’t seem prepared to attack. 

We were better with Carrick on (which also says a lot) and another sub Andros Townsend lashed in a decent equaliser and we ended up drawing 1-1.  Our subs definitely made a difference but so did theirs as the Italians became a bit shambolic when 6 players went off, including Graziano.  The Ryan Bertrand pisstake continued as Gibbs started the game and played 88 minutes, including missing a near-sitter.  On came Ryan for 3 minutes and I’m really not sure whether that was a reward or a snub.  I guess it proved that Hodgson knows he’s not French now.

Overall, I saw nothing in these two games to prove Hodgson has a clue and that we will be any better in Euro 2016, than we were in World Cup 2014.  We have the nucleus of a good young vibrant squad but I do not trust Hodgson not to completely waste it with his chronic conservatism.  Our best hope seems to be that he goes senile and hands over to Gary Neville.

All the internationals came back to Staplewood with no problems with the exception of Steven Davis who was forced off with a knock at half time for Northern Ireland.  Everton have revived a bit in recent weeks but they’ve still had a very poor season as Martinez sets about demolishing what Moyes built up over the years.  We dicked them at St.Mary’s early on in the season by basically outplaying them in midfield so I’m hoping that Gareth Barry with the pace of a 50 year old is in midfield and we have some serious joy there with Big Vic, Morgan and probably JWP.

The team new starts off with the expected Superkelv in goal, the expected back 4 and as expected, JWP in midfield in place of Steve Davis.  The front 3 of Pellè, Long and Elia wasn’t what I expected though.  Not a lot of creativity there.  Everton have a few problems of their own with Lukaku missing so it’s Kone up front with Barkley playing off him.

You can tell Everton aren’t in that great a nick from the kick off as we fly at them and they kind of do nothing to respond to us zipping the ball about aside from all dropping deep.  The early pressure predictably just produces an offside rather than anything useful like a corner or perish the thought, a shot on goal.  Everton’s first run sees Forrest Gump Lennon going diagonally from right to left before laying it off to Leon Osman who curls a shot well side of Superkelv’s left hand post.

Ross Barkley is undoubtedly a very talented boy but he’s in Big Vic’s yard and he’s got the ball that Big Vic wants.  Big Vic gets what he wants and trashes Barkley and sets Long away on the right.  He flies past Baines’ attempt at defending (standing there and letting him go) and floats a lovely cross over to Pellè who reaches it on the stretch and diverts it over Howard and it looks like it’s dropping in until Howard arches back and claws it off the line.  It’s a brilliant save but regardless of that, it’s a very annoying one.

It’s all Saints for a bit and from the next attack, JWP clips a lovely ball over Coleman with the outside of his right foot but it comes to nothing as Bertrand feeds Elia whose cross into a decent area is cleared.  Everton then have a little spell; they win one corner when Bertrand gets a decent tackle in on McCarthy who is trying to get onto Kone’s knock down and win another as Barkley dribbles across the top of the box and shoots with Jose deflecting it wide.  The corner comes in from Baines, it hits a couple of bodies and lands with Barry who stabs it across to where Jagielka is awake while all around are sleeping and he prods it into the net.  No chance for Superkelv but what a shit goal.  If Gareth Barry, possibly the worlds slowest player is first to react then we’re doing something wrong.

Having conceded from the tiniest spell of pressure we are back on the attack and Elia and Long work the ball to Pellè and as he advances past Stones, the youngster cynically takes him out and the referee decides that the most obvious blatant yellow card foul is not a yellow.  This is 20 yards out and just right on centre and up steps JWP for yet another attempts at his first goal in The Premier League and it’s round the all and curling and the keeper is rooted to the spot but it slides just wide as everyone in red and white holds their head.

JWP is proving a handful in the advanced midfield position and he nearly gets in on the left as Big Vic again swarms over Barkley and feeds Pellè who floats a lovely ball over Coleman again who gets back to run JWP off it after his first touch.  Not to be denied though he’s at it again a minute later as a shanked Barry clearance is returned by Bertrand and JWP hits it to Howard’s right but it swerves in the air to his left but he throws out an arm as he’s going the wrong way and somehow manages to shovel it over the bar.  Ridiculous save from a keeper who has been generally piss-poor this season.

Everton attack as the half winds down with Kone getting in a cross from the right which Clyney clears for a corner as Osman tries to connect with it.  The corner comes in and Jagielka is up and unmarked on the 6 yard line but fortunately heads it miles over the bar.

I have the feeling that this is going to be a frustrating game but we do create half an opening as the second half begins with Toby Alderweireld pinging a class ball over the top which meets Shane Long’s good diagonal run and though the Irishman controls it well, Everton manage to smother the danger.  After fifteen minutes of virtually nothing it’s time for the changes and predictably it’s Elia who is off and not so predictably it’s JWP who is off with him as Tadic and Mané come on.

Everton make a sub of their own with Steven Naismith, or Steven Diving Little Fuck Naismith to give him his full name, on for Kone and he’s soon doing what he does and trying a horrible dive under the slightest brush of Bertrand’s shoulder.  He’s a wanker pure and simple and if referees did their job and actually booked him every time then he’d have to fall back on his football ability and he doesn’t have any.  Back to the Scottish Premier League you go you wanker.

Tadic is doing his best to get something going for us and his corner is perfect for Long to head goalwards but he makes a mess of it under pressure and it apologises wide.  Tadic then skins two Everton players on the right and gets to the line before pulling it back to Pellè who tries a ridiculously optimistic first time sidefooter which goes well wide.

Djuricic is on for Alderweireld in the official last throw of the dice which of course leaves us open for the counter attack and Lennon scurries forward only to be halted by a very well timed lunge from Fonte which perfectly nicks the ball.  It gives us an opportunity to break ourselves but Tadic makes a total balls of an attempted pass to Djuricic and gives Everton a goal kick.  We have one last chance as we win a corner which is flapped away by Howard, knocked back into the mixer by Djuricic and Graziano is offside… and he missed anyway.  Fuck.

Well that was annoying.  We were the better side by miles but we created very little up front again and with Everton digging in and Tim Howard having his one good game a year then we were always going to struggle.  The first goal was always going to be key in this game as there’s no doubt in my mind that if we’d scored it then we’d have won 1-0 as this is the poorest Everton side I think I’ve seen in at least 15 years.  They had absolutely nothing going forward with the absence of Lukaku and really were there for the taking.  At least we can finally stop talking about the top 4 now because a genuine top 4 side would have rolled Everton over 3-0 today.  I guess it was an efficient win by Everton – you have to score when you’re on top and they won three corners in a row and managed to score from it whereas we had virtually the rest of the match and created very very little.

For the first time I find myself questioning the selection to start the game.  Sadio Mané has been our best attacker by far in 2015 but he only gets half an hour and the same for Dusan Tadic who has been decent in the last few games.  Everyone loves a trier but there was a lack of quality from Shane Long today and Eljero Elia really may as well not have been out there.  I’m guessing the selection was down to international action during the week with Long only playing 10 minutes and Elia being in the Dutch squad.  I’d question why Mané in particular didn’t start as his international wasn’t in Africa somewhere but in Le Harve in Northern France so jet lag is hardly an issue.

Elsewhere, Superkelv was ok and the defence in general did well aside from the goal.  JWP had a lot to gain from today because there is not much between him and Steve Davis for that third position in midfield.  The man just needs a goal and that free kick was a golden chance.  Yes it was close but he has to score from there – it’s getting embarrassing being a free kick expert and not having scored a goal in 60-odd Premier League matches.  He also had a decent dig from outside the box which forced Howard into a very good save and we can only hope that when one goal in, lots more will follow.

So, we lost at Goodison yet again and I guess we shouldn’t be surprised as we always do.  I guess it’s a day to look at where we’re from.  We’re pissed off at losing 1-0 to Everton who are traditionally one of the top 8 clubs in the country.  Next up we have Hull City at home who are looking pretty desperate at the moment, just keeping their heads above water in the fight to stay in the Premier League.  We have Gaston Ramirez there on loan at the moment and he’ll be able to continue making the same level of contribution to them as he’s made so far because he won’t be able to play.


With 7 games to go we’re in mini-competition for 5th place with Brendan Rodgers and his shower of Twats and Mauricio Pochettino and his delusional wankers.  Liverpool got hammered by Arsenal and Spuras drew 0-0 with Burnley so there was less damage then there could have been.  Finishing 5th or 6th would be automatic qualification for the Europa League which would be an amazing achievement.  It would also achieve my personal seasons goal of finishing ahead of one of bastrad Liverpool and fucking Spurs.  Come on!

No comments:

Post a Comment