Mr IQ Speaks and Suddenly All Is Clear

"My England Career is Purely to Benefit my Club Career"

The international break happened and someone said something that confirmed something that I knew all along and at the same time, answered one of the great questions that has been vexing football fans for years – Why are England so shit?  You would expect that the person who answered this question would be a genius of some description with a high IQ but the truth could not be further removed from that.  The person in question was a thick idiot with no self awareness called Adam Lallana and what he said in his press conference crystallized everything.  He was talking about Nathaniel Clyne and he basically said that if Clyne got in the England side that it would give him options, meaning options like a move to a Champions League club. On one hand, I was screaming ‘cunnnnnnttttt’ at him but on the other hand, he was being honest and illustrating the way the modern footballer thinks about the England side which tells you all you need to know about why England are shite. 

It’s not about the pride of representing your country any more or maybe actually doing well and winning stuff for the millions of people watching.  For Adam Lallana and countless others, it’s about getting in the England team and giving yourself the chance of a better club career… and by better, I mean more money.  It was so important to Adam that he spent the World Cup preparation time talking about it.  The England team is just a stepping stone and that my friends, is a fucking tragedy.  Adam Lalllana is undoubtedly a thick bastard who has no awareness of how he comes across but on the other hand, his lack of brain means that he’s honest because he’s too stupid to be anything else and in a world where footballer soundbites are usually completely bland and boring, I guess it’s not a bad thing.  He is assuming that every player is motivated by the same things he is but I still cling to the hope that some are motivated by something other than cash. 

So, there you have it – there’s motivation for a player to get in the England squad so he can get his ‘dream’ move to a big club but once he’s done that, the big club in question becomes way more important than the national team and that my friends, is one big reason why England are shite.  Of course, if we had a decent manager then we could kick back against some of this but that’s a whole other issue.  So thanks Adam for making me see the light.  Perhaps I’ll see if my son wants to put your picture back up on his wall now.  Rickie’s still up there but he took yours down (on his own with no input from me by the way) for some reason which is probably totally lost on you.

Talking of Nathaniel Clyne… which I was a while ago... well he got picked for the squad and then ignored for the team as the senile old goat Hodgson picked Calum Chambers for both matches.  This is a player that Arsene Wenger is going to play at centre back whenever possible so it fits that he joins Phil Jones, Chris Smalling and John Stones as centre backs that Hodgson has picked at right back whilst ignoring the best English specialist right back.  In two games against the football powerhouses of San Marino and Estonia, Chambers was distinctly average and offered next to nothing going forward against two sides where we had 80% of possession.   Who could possibly have predicted that?  Clyne is the better attacking full-back.  Everyone knows that and even if they didn’t before, 2 superb goals already this season illustrated it to the uneducated, except one man it seems.

There is a total myth that gets pedalled about that Chambers is a better defender and Clyne is a better attacker.  The fact that Clyne is a better attacker is beyond debate but he’s also a better defender, quicker, sharper in the tackle and hardly ever beaten 1 on 1.  Chambers is better in the air, mainly because he’s taller, which is why he’s now a centre back and that’s it.  It’s absolutely mind blowing that for two games against shite opposition, Hodgson picks Chambers.  I was prepared (a bit) to give him the benefit of the doubt after the San Marino game as we had 2 games in 4 days and I thought he might play them in one game each.  After all, with Kieran Gibbs and Chambers being picked at full back v San Marino, I assumed that the better pairing for Baines and Clyne were to be used in the tougher game against Estonia.... but no.   All this is just a debate over one position in the team and it’s before we even get to the rest of the side.  Anyway, Clyne won’t even get in the next squad as no doubt Glen ‘can’t attack, can’t defend’ Johnson will be back.

The inbuilt negativity that Hodgson has means that matches at home to San Marino and away to Estonia were treated with caution so he picked what in his mind was a solid defensive team.  He should be using these fixtures in the easiest qualification group ever to think longer term and develop a team and a style of play that might actually achieve something in a tournament.  Trying to finish in the top 3 of a 6 team group containing Switzerland, Estonia, San Marino, Lithuania and Slovenia is as close to a bye as you can possibly get.  Pick an attacking team you moron – Milner and Henderson in midfield against San Marino with Wilshere as the holding player? Delph and Henderson against Estonia with Wilshere again as the holding player? Oxlade-Chamberlain on the bench for both games?  Ridiculous and we haven’t even discussed Rooney yet. 

All we need to say about out captain and leader is that he was slow, sluggish and shite in both matches, missed a load of chances but scored a penalty and a free-kick which the keeper should have saved.  He is going to be England’s leading goalscorer ever and Bobby Charlton is turning in his grave and he’s not even dead.  Rooney - England legend, my arse.  When Sturridge is fit again, we know that Wayne Untouchable will be fine and Welbeck will get dropped or moved to the left – that is, as long as Brendan Rodgers allows Sturridge to play.  The main issue from these games is that of Raheem Sterling asking to be rested for the Estonia game.... yeah, that wasn’t under instructions from Mr Smug Rodgers was it?  Club over country and here we are back where we started with Mr IQ, Adam Lallana.  He did well as a second half sub against the postmen and PE teachers of San Marino and he had a decent first half against Estonia before doing his usual and fading out as the game went on.  He was probably saving himself for his next Liverpool game.

So England were turgid and shite and won both games, 5-0 against the PE Teachers and postmen of San Marino and 1-0 against 10 man Estonia whose star player is a sub for Blackpool. Beyond pathetic but that’s what we’re dealing with now with Hodgson in charge.