Fabio's World Cup Record is not improving
22/6/14
With England
gone I have gone into a bit of a malaise about the World Cup. I’ve never ereally been the sort to watch 90
minutes on TV of match where I’m not
supporting wither team and the clusterf**k of commentators they have on BBC and
ITV in particular are enough to make anyone switch off. So here’s a catch up of the post-England
elimination.
Group H – Belgium
1 Russia
In recent tournaments, Russia have always started well and
looked like a very skilful attacking side and then blown it. They brought in Fabio Capello to manage them
and now they are boring (pragmatic is the buzzword) and will blow it
anyway. A draw with South Korea was followed by a quite tedious game
against Belgium . There was one chance in the first half when
Kokorin headed wide from 5 yards. It’s
the sort of chance that a 10 year old would score if he shut his eyes and just
let the ball hit his face. The highly
fancied (not by me) Belgians woke up in the 85th minute as Mirallas
hit a post and they scored in the 88th minute as Origi, who
intriguingly, doesn’t play in England, was on hand to put away a pull back from
Hazard. Capello’s charges can still go
through if they beat Algeria
but I wouldn’t bet on it.
Group H - South Korea
2 Algeria
A really good attacking game which was made all the more
entertaining but he fact that South
Korea can’t defend for shit. The first goal was straight out of the England
manual as a massive welly forward was missed by everyone and Slimani held of a
couple of half-arsed challenges to dink it over the keeper. The keeper Fah Keung-Crahp was certainly at
fault with the second as he came for a corner but before it got to him,
Halliche got u and powered it into the net. 2-0 became 3-0 when another long ball found
Slimani who easily brought it down and fed Djabou to wrap up the game. A ridiculous goal got the Koreans back into
it when another hoof forward was controlled by Son Heung-Min between his
shoulder blades but it worked for him as he turned and smashed it through the
keeper. They had a chance to make it 3-2
but it soon went the other way as Algeria tiptoed through the defence
and a nice passing move ended with Brahimi slotting home. There was still 20 minutes to go when Lukk
Ki-Git scored off his knee after another long ball caused carnage but Korea achieved distinction by being the first
team I’ve seen so far who are probably worse than England . As long as they avoid defeat against Russia , then Algeria will be going through.
Group G – USA
2 Portugal
Portugal were so bad in their first game that they had to be
better here and it took all of 5 minutes to take the lead against the USA as a
cross from the left found its way through so abysmal defending by Geoff Cameron
for Nani to score as the keeper Howard, sat on his arse. He made amends after a fashion right on half
time when after making a right hash of a Nani shot and allowing it to come back
off the post, he changed direction superbly to palm the rebound away. The second half saw Portugal and Ronaldo do nothing much and the US nearly
equalised when a Bradley shot was cleared off the line with the keeper nowhere.
They did eventually tie the soccerball
scores in the 19th minute of the second period when Jermaine Jones
picked up a cleared corner and easily cut inside his marker but fairly lashed
it into the far corner from 20 yards for 1-1.
With 10 to go the Yanks took the lead as Portugal defended abysmally as
Dempsey managed to turn a cross into the net with his stomach. It’s really strange watching a game where you
want both teams to lose but I was looking forward to the tears when Ronaldo got
knocked out but that pleasure will have to wait a few days as with 90 minutes
up, Ronaldo put in a wonderful cross from the right and Varela dived in to
power a header past Tourette Tim Fucking Shit Bollocks Howard to make it 2-2
and leave the Americans in pole position to qualify behind ze Germans.
Fred celebrates moving 5 yards
23/6/14
Group B – Netherlands
2 Chile
Away we go with the group deciders and both Netherlands and Chile had one eye on the next round
as they were both already through. It’s
nice to get your job done with a game to spare – just ask England . Both teams rested a few players but it was
still a decent enough game. Chile had first
half chances from set pieces and Arjen Robben was at it again for the Dutch,
causing mayhem whenever he ran with the ball.
Both he and Depuy tested Bravo with long range efforts before they finally
took the lead as a free kick was swung in by Robber and substitute Fer scored
with virtually his first touch as he powered in a header. Chile tried to chase the game and had a half
shout for a penalty but committing men forwards is suicide against the Dutch as
Robben got away down the left and got his head up to pick up Depuy who steamed
in and got the touch for 2-0.
Group B – Spain
3 Australia
Usually, a dead rubber is a dead rubber for one team but
this match had the distinction of being dead for both participants. I’m taking the piss but I wish I’d been smart
enough to have some money on that at the start of the tournament. Spain had a Villa-Torres
partnership up front and looked dangerous every time they went forward with
Iniesta in brilliant form in central midfield in what will surely be his
post-World Cup position. They took the
lead as Villa backheeled a Juanfran cross past Ryan. Juanfran had been released by a slide-rule
Iniesta pass and he was at it again as they went 2-0 up in the second half as
he put Torres clean through and even he couldn’t miss. Mata made it 3-0 after Fabregas picked him
out and he took all the time he needed to control it and pass it through the
keepers legs. Australia were pretty
decent to be fair until they ran out of steam and though they’ve finished
bottom with zero points, they are showing signs of getting better which is
annoying. Spain are out of course but have
enough players who will still be around in 2016 to be a serious threat for the
next Euro’s. You have been warned.
Group A – Brazil
4 Cameroon
On paper this looks like it should be a slaughter and it’s
all going according to plan as Neymar opens the scoring and everyone is
happy. Cameroon however summoned up a bit
of the spirit of 1990 and equalised when Matip was on hand to stab in a cross
from the left wing. The calculators
briefly come out as there is a slight chance that Brazil might go out which
would be hilarious but Neymar is having none of it and turns a player inside
out as he runs at the penalty area before smashing it low past a wrong-footed
keeper. In 1982 when Brazil were
magnificent, they had Zico, Socrates, Eder, Falcao etc but they had a big lump
of a centre forward who was useless called Serginho. The 2014 Brazil have Fred who is really
really bad and as immobile as they come but even he can;t miss when presented
with an open goal from 5 yards to make it 3-1.
All over bar the shouting but Fernandinho bundles through to roll in the
4th and Brazil
have won the group and will paly against Chile in the 2nd
Round. I’m sure that the referee will be
chosen carefully for that one.
Group A – Mexico
3 Croatia
The first half of this was pretty average. Croatia had to win but didn;t
really look like a side who believed that they could. They are almost England-esque in the way they
shoehorn players into the wrong positions with Rakitic and Modric both deployed
deep in midfield when neither can tackle or neither have much defensive
awareness. Mexico came closest to scoring when
Herrera smacked the bar from 30 yards but otherwise the first half was lame.
The second half started in much the same way and with about
20 minutes to go it was like a bomb went off and Croatia just collapsed. Marquez headed them in front from a corner
and within 10 minutes it was 3-0 with Guardado finishing off a brilliant move
by driving past the hapless Pleitikosa and Javier Hernandez nodding in from his
usual distance of two feet. The best bit was the spectacle of the Mexican
manager going absolutely but celebrating his sides goals, pulling ridiculous
faces and being wrestled to the floor by players and support staff. Compare and contrast to Roy Hodgson – the
most uninspiring manager ever. Croatia got a consolation goal through Perisic
but no one cared and Mexico
go through to play the Netherlands
in what should be a fantastic game.
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Animal.
24/6/14
Group D – England
0 Costa Rica
Hodgson decided that this was a game he could use to give
the rest of the squad a game and so we got to witness the future of English
football in Frank Lampard, James Milner, Chris Smalling and Ben Foster. In the next breath he’ll be moaning that we don’t
have enough friendlies to hone our team.
Surely better to mix and match as if it was the first game of the next
qualifying tournament but no matter really – we’re out after all and he’s
keeping his job. To be brutally honest,
I didn’t even watch this as I couldn’t be bothered, this was despite the
presence of two Saints players in the team in Lallana and Shaw. A month ago I’d have been gagging to watch
this game for this reason alone but more of that later. Costa Rica
didn;t need to win as they’d already qualified and England didn’t know how to
win. Sturridge missed chances again and
though he should have had a penalty in the first half – that was about it. Boring game, boring performance, boring manager
but Uncle Roy said we played well – really?
Costa Rica
win the group and fair play to them.
Group D - Uruguay 1 Italy
Before it became apparent how crap England were, I thought
the Italians looked decent but the defeat to Costa Rica showed up their
limitations which were all on display again here. Pirlo had a free kick which caused some panic
for Muslera but other than that they produced very little. Marchisio managed to get sent off for a
ridiculous stamp tackle in the 2nd half and Uruguay were the better
side and forced Buffon into a number of decent saves. They eventually did win as Gaston Ramirez
swung in a corner and Godin, who should of course have been sent off against
England and not playing here, headed the winner and put Uruguay through and
Italy out. The game will of course only
be remembered for Hannibal Suarez going for it again and biting Chiellini on
the shoulder. He then compunded it by diving on the ground and pretending his teeth hurt. I expect they did as shoulders can be quite tough if you bite them. He obviously has serious
mental issues, as do the Uruguayan representatives who defend him as if it’s an
everyday thing. Sorry – none of your
other players do it. I’m sure there have
been other players who have bitten someone but I can't think of one off hand
and 3 times in a few years? The guy is a fucking animal and if he’d done that 3 times on the street then he’d be in prison, or a zoo.
**Update: Suarez banned for 4 months from all football....
good news for Rickie Lambert I guess.
Personally, I think it should have been 6 months with a suspended life
ban if he does it again.
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