The BBC have edited out all the Saints players
Well I was going to do a blog on the internationals but Sir
Rickie spent two games sat on the England bench without getting on so
the internationals have been relegated to mere paragraphs. England
of course, needed to win both games to qualify and they duly did again Montenegro and Poland . The first game was 0-0 at half time and it
was getting to the point when our man may have been called upon as the forwards
were producing nothing. A superb run by
Andros Townsend and a close range finish from Rooney paved the way for a
comfortable second half with an own goal, a superb shot from Townsend and a
last minte penalty from Sturridge sealing an easy 4-1 win.
Before the Poland
game there was a large slice of hype about King Artur being the new Tomaszewski
and all that but on the day it transpired that Artur was injured, every Saints
fan panicked and the Arsenal triple-word-score keeper Sczzqkzzcesyyzcz was in goal instead. The 2-0 win was fairly routine and we’re now
in Brazil 2014 armed with Roy Hodgson’s new positive attacking intent and a new
winger in Andros Townsend who in two matches has knocked Theo Walcott out of the team
for the foreseeable future.
As for Sir Rickie – well there’s no doubt that Andy Carroll
is still his main rival for a place in the World Cup squad but if I was to be
bold, I’d suggest that England would have played a lot better in these two
games if team player Sir Rickie had been on the field instead of the selfish
sulky showboating twat by the name of Daniel Sturridge. If there was an award for taking the wrong
option then Sturridge would win it every game, unless Walcott was in the
team. Another Saint who may get a
chance to stake a claim is Nathaniel Clyne whose competition for a place is
Kyle Walker who can’t defend, Glen Johnson who can’t either, Chris Smalling who
is never a right back in a million years and Phil Jones who isn’t either.
Other Saints news has come from other internationals where
Steve Davis scored in a rare Northern Ireland
non-defeat and Dani Osvaldo also grabbed a goal for Italy . Gaston did his usual and went round the world
to sit on a different bench for Uruguay
and his agent took the opportunity to stir up some press rumours about his
client being wanted by Napoli . I did see one snippet about the Little
African Bloke who says that he wants to use his spell in France as a
springboard to come back to Saints next season and get in the team. I have a feeling that it may need more than
the zero goals he has scored so far for Sochaux to persuade Mauricio that he’s
worth bothering with. The phrase “not as
long as he’s got a hole in his arse” comes to mind.
And then we had Monkeygate.
I give up, I really do. Hodgson
tells a joke about a monkey and an astronaut and someone from the dressing room
cries ‘racism’ and goes to the press.
Cue shitstorm, cue Jason Roberts, cue the Association of Black Lawyers
who all make the connection between the term ‘monkey’ and ‘black people’ which
is not a connection that anyone else had made.
So, ‘monkey’ is now probably a word we should all avoid, as is
chimpanzee, ape, gorilla, baboon etc. So
now, if a woman (hopefully) says that you’re hung like a baboon... instead of
it swelling your ego to massive proportions, you have to report it to The Sun.
Talking of simians, Gus Poyet is back in work at Sunderland .
Whoever is in charge of recruitment really should resign. Get a fascist nutjob as manager, sign a load
of average players including an American centre forward wardrobe and then
replace the manager with another nutjob who may or may not have taken a shit on
the dressing room floor at Brighton . Can you keep up Gus you legend in your own
mind.
Meanwhile, back on Planet Earth, Saints are away at
Manchester United. We are unscathed
following the internationals with Mauricio stirring up a King Artur mystery by
saying that he’s not injured in the slightest.
I’m not interested in the mystery to be honest, I’m just pleased we
haven’t got either of our ‘Championship standard at best’ reserve keepers in
goal. As it is the only changes are Luke
Shaw coming back in for Danny Fox and J-Rod is picked ahead of Sir Rickie,
presumable because we’re going for a five-in-midfield set up. Call me old fashioned If you like but I’d go
with Sir Rickie as a lone striker any day than Dani Osvaldo who has never played
up front on his own in an Premier League match before and has so far, not
really shown himself to be suitable for the role.
United have Adnan Januzaj on the wing who everyone in the
media has been creaming themselves over after he scored two goals on his debut
against the team who are bottom of the league.
After one match he managed to spark a debate about him playing for England when he hails from about four European
countries, none of which are England .
None of that was his fault of course but it shows the incredible power that
Manchester United have over the thinking of the media. I remember a similar ‘can he play for England
on residency’ fuss over 2 goals on debut Federico Macheda about 4 years ago,
which all died down when it turned out that he was shit. He’s now failing to score for Doncaster . Aside
from the ‘wonderkid’ they also have the small matter of Robin Van Persie and
Squirrel Head up front so the defensive record was going to be examined today.
Right from the kick
off and we’re right on it. The defence
is on half way and the midfielders and attackers are swarming all over the
United players. It’s great watching them
panic and kick it anywhere. Crosses are
flying in and half clearances are being won back with ease. It’s all us and we have a chance on 8 minutes
as Davis totally does Fellaini on the right wing and hits over a cross at
perfect height, over the defender and straight onto the head of J-Rod who showed
his customary predatory instincts and headed it over the bar. Who have we got in the squad who decent at
far post headers?
Of course, it isn’t going to be all one way traffic and the
first time United break and the first time Januzaj gets the ball, Clyne whacks
him and manages to skilfully not get booked.
Also, United have van Persie who has scored about 98% of his career
goals against Southampton and he manages to get a foot on an overhit through
ball and mercifully, his audacious lob is off target or else we’d have been
watching it on TV for the next 30 years.
He seems to have the taste for it all of a sudden as he cracks in a shot
from the edge of the box but king Artur is right behind it.
Saints have a glorious chance to take the lead on 20 minutes
as Squirrel Head comes back into defence to pick the ball up and loses it as he
shites his short as Big Vic closes him down.
The ball bobbles free to Lallana who plays a lovely ball into Dani
Osvaldo who scuffs his first time effort along the ground for de Gea to make a
comfortable save. Our Rock n’ Roll
Pirate should really have done better with that one.
One of the pre-requisites of pressing high u the pitch is
that you have to play a high line and hope that the linesman is watching. Squirrel Head gets played into space, offside
correctly given. Januzaj crosses low
into the box, offside correctly given against Evra. Januzaj plays in the Squirrel, he’s offside
but flag stays down. The squirrel
advances and it’s kept out by the King but the rebound falls to Van Persie who
steers it away from King Artur before rolling it into the far corner as Dejan
lunges towards the near post. I assume
that RvP meant it so it’s a superb finish but going 1-0 down feel a bit against
the run of play.
It’s now time to dig in but the tide has turned dramatically
as Nani crosses from the right and the Squirrel has found about 5 yards in the
penalty area whilst Jose is looking around to try and locate where he is. He turn, he shoots, he hits the bar... thank
fuck for that!
Osvaldo tries to
trick his way into the box and gets tackled and the ball eventually breaks to
Lovren who dodges past a crude Fellaini lunge before hitting on from 30 yards
which though he hits it like a shell, was straight down de Gea’s throat who
sadly, doesn’t do a Taibi with it.
It’s all Saints as we
approach half time and we seem to have targeted Carrick and especially Fellaini
as weak links as the big Belgian with the stupid hair reacts to the fact that
he’s playing like a twat by smashing into Osvaldo and forcing him to go off for
a few minutes. He’s no match for Big Vic
though and after the big Man has once again ran through him and headed towards
the penalty area, it’s left to Van Persie to bring him down and we get a free
kick on the right hand edge of the box.
With no Sir Rickie and no JWP on the pitch, Luke Shaw lines it up and
hits it straight at the wall.
It’s half time and time for all bar 3000 in the stadium to
munch on some serious prawn sandwich.
United are winning and all is well in their world. Before the game I really felt that we would
win the second half and I still do… I just wanted us to be at 0-0 and not 1-0
down…. But it’s only one.
Predictably we start
the second half well, picking outr way through the United midfield until Davis
releases Shaw down the left and his low cross is stabbed wide by a combination
of Lallana and Jonny Evans. Januzaj
manages to get himself booked for bringing down Clyne and then Mauricio
realises that we need England
United have a similar chance to the one we had at the start
of the second half with Januzaj putting Evra away on the left but his cross is
stabbed wide by Fonte who gets there in front of the Squirrel. It’s
pinball around our box soon after as a Squirrel corner is met by a van Persie
flick header which hits the bar. The
ball eventually comes back in from the right and it met by Nani with a header
from 6 yards but The King gets down well to claw it out at the foot of the
post. The best goalkeeper in the Premier
League is up to it again five minutes later as Januzaj lets fly from 25 yards
and The King flies away to hit right to claw it away one handed. We want the rebound to fall to one of our
players of course which it doesn’t but it does the next best thing and falls
straight to Fellaini, hooooof!
We need some fresh
impetus to get the initiative back and JWP comes on for Davis
The changes have improved
us more than them as we pass it up the pitch through Shaw, Big Vic, Morgan and then
Lallana who is clipped by another crude Fellaini lunge but is allowed to play on
and sees his low shot saved by de Gea.
We’ll have the free kick on the edge of the box please ref!!
Morgan was then
possessed by the ghost of Chris Marsden as he picked the ball up in our half
and kept going past Squirrel, Fellaini, Januzaj and Evra before he was
possessed by the ghost of Jack Cork and dribbled a terrible scuffer wide.
With quarter of an hour to go, Moyes decides to remove
Fellaini from Big Vic’s back pocket and replace him with Welbeck, thus keeping
his quota of ridiculous haircuts on the field.
Big Vic’s job is done and he’s replaced with Guly which is the last
throw of the dice for us and if Guly scores, we’re on the pitch.
We’re going for it and there’s only one team looking like
scoring. Welbeck breaks away down our
left and though he has a five yard start on Morgan, the Frenchman pulls off a
superb sliding tackle to set us away on a move which ends with Lallana playing
a clever ball inbetween Evans and Evra for the overlapping Clyne who hammers in
a diagonal shot which de Gea parries out.
Following that chance, Moyes shites himself and takes Squirrel Head off
and replaces him with Carlton Palmer, fresh from being shocking for England in the
week.
We win a corner on the left as Luke Shaw tries to cross and
it’s blocked. There is one minute to
go. Time stands still in the Theatre of
Wet Dreams as JWP takes the corner.
Dejan Lovren has lost his marker and connects at the back post to send
the ball into a mass of players on the line... and it’s in as thousands of
United fans from Malaysia to
Devon to London
all cough up a bit of their prawn sandwich.
GOAAAAAAAAALLLLL! Dejan is off to
the corner and is immediately bundled by the 10 outfield players. It turns out that Adam Lallana was standing
in front of de Gea and it’s flicked off his knee and gone in but no one cares
who has scored.
As United sulk back
to the centre circle, the 4th officials’ board goes up and there are
5 minutes of Fergie-time to be added as Moyes-time will never catch on. Instead of the usual “oh shit here we go”
reaction you would normally get, there seems to be no fear or trepidation but a
feeling of ‘we’ve got a chance to win this”.
You know that under Mauricio we’re going to have a go and immediately,
Osvaldo lashes a shot well wide.
In truth the rest of
Fergie time is even with Rafael taking a little tumble in our box over a Fonte
challenge but it’s only the Men in Black who look likely to score as Lallana
tries a left footed curler from the edge of the box which de Gea gets down well
to save.
Final whistle, 1-1 draw, get in there. United aren’t what they were but this is
still a massive point and totally deserved.
More possession, more shots, more corners, more ammunition to fire at
those who aren’t yet taking little old Southampton
seriously. Another off day for United I
guess. Well though we played and no
matter how deserved the point was, we still rode our luck a bit but it was nice
to come away with more than we did last year when we played better but lost
2-1.
I’m sure this will be mentioned on every Saints related blog
but the Match of the Day highlights were incredible. I had a moan about the way it is edited when
we played West Ham at home and Morgan’s bad tackle was shown and dwelt on, as
was an interview with Fat Sam crapping on about it and two equally bad tackles
by Hammers players were not highlighted.
Today we had an even game where Saints had more shots on target but the
highlights package showed just about every United shot and for us it showed the
miss by Osvaldo in the first half and then the Clyne shot at the end and the
goal leaving the impression that we hardly got in their half. I suppose you just have to laugh at it but
once again, it’s the power that Manchester United have over the media. Hopefully, this Fergie-less version of Man
United will find the preferential treatment they’ve enjoyed over the years on
the wane but I guess they won’t whilst they’re still bringing in the most
cash. Still, Match of the Day is put
together by the BBC who are paid for by license fees which you and I have to
buy and for that of course, we get an unbiased and impartial service, my big
fat hairy arse.
I’m sure you’ll have worked it out but in the match report
part of this blog, all the stuff in bold is what was missed out on the Saturday
night Match of the Day highlights. If
you have a quick scan of the bold typed bits, it’s all our attacks. Before any jumped up United supporting mong
from Devon tells me that my blog is biased… yes it is, it’s a Saints blog… the
point is that I’m not publically funded with a mandate to be unbiased…. the BBC
should not be biased. Still, at least we
can rely on Alan Shearer still who highlighted how good we were and did this
via clips that weren’t shown in the original highlights of the game. I’d pay extra to watch the highlights package
that shows Fellaini and Carrick shitting themselves every time Big Vic got
anywhere near them. £24 million they
paid for Fellaini, £4million more than we paid for Dejan Lovren and Big Vic…
mad!
Mauricio was full of praise for the effort of the players
and again made mention of aiming for the Champions League places which he of
course did in Spanish which no doubt wound up the watching millions no end,
especially as they had the impression that we just stole a totally undeserved
point. Stick to Spanish Mauricio – if
Roy Hodgson had spoken in Spanish then the Monkeygate shitstorm wouldn’t have
happened. I know that league tables
don’t really matter at this stage of the season but we get a great point away
at United and manage to drop 2 places to 6th which is only annoying
as it limits my ‘Champions League’ gloating.
It is a very good day and this was made better by the Gus effect on
Sunderland as they got tanked 4-0 at Swansea . New manager bounce anyone?
Next up we have a very winnable home fixture against Fulham
who look destined for a season of fighting relegation. They’ll probably have that ‘Keep Calm and
Pass Me the Ball’ Wanker up front and hopefully Dejan and Jose will ensure than
he doesn’t actually get much of it. If
you’re a United fan reading this then I have no idea who you’ve got and I don’t
give a fuck. Have no fear though, every
attack you have will be shown on the BBC.
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