Premier League Match 34 - Swansea 0 Southampton 0

"I see an infringement, woof!"

Today is the day when the relegation picture should become a little clearer as we visit Wales and the Liberty Stadium.  Swansea have of course had a brilliant season and won a trophy which is more than can be said for Arsenal, Liverpool, Tottenham and Rafa Benitez.  They do however, as often happens, seem to have knocked off early for summer and have been treading water for a month or so now.  They are of course completely safe which is more than can be said for ourselves at this moment in time and are a decent club, despite my brother-in-law supporting them.  They’ve been to hell and back and are the sort of model that our unwashed friends from down the road will be trying to copy but with a lot more telling everybody that they’re the biggest and the most bestest fans and club in the history of the world – ever. 

Assuming that QPR and Reading are gone, we are looking for one more club to finish below us and Wigan took a step towards that with a 1-0 defeat at Manchester City in the week which looked in doubt for 80-odd minutes until Sasquatch Tevez scored – apparently Guly gave him a lift to the game. 

More good news arrived closer to home on Thursday with the news that I personally have been waiting for, for about 3 months when Artur Boruc signed a new two year deal with the club and now I can stop banging on about it.  He celebrated with a celebratory skinhead haircut and probably drunk 4 bottles of vodka and chewed through 10 packets of fags but no matter, he’s in goal for the next two years and we, in theory, have our best goalkeeper since Antii Niemi.  I don’t like to stick the boot in on Nigel Adkins but the pissing about at the start of the season with Superkelv and Gazza, two goalkeepers who are clearly not up to the Premier League right now, at the start of the season unquestionably cost us points and the fact that as an ex-keeper, he didn’t see the need to get in another keeper is another curious one as it seems that Artur arrived via the Transfer Committee who all meet in Les Reed’s Dungeon once a month.

In other football news, the Skates managed to get their ten point penalty for agreeing a CVA and not honouring it, applied this season when they’ve already been relegated so it’s no punishment at all, similar to the 9 they got deducted in the Premier League when they got relegated by more than that.  So, £150 million (approx) of unfair sporting advantage has been punished by just 10 points of meaningful deductions.  They really are a spawny bunch of bastards with a different set of rules to everyone else.  When this blog started we were League 1 with minus 10 points which had been carried over from the previous season.  It’s a joke but it’s not a surprise that they’ve been treated so leniently.  Enjoy the lowest tier of professional football and no, we’re not jealous.

A couple of weeks ago we played Reading and the media were frothing over the the Adkins v Pochettino aspect of things but today there was the meeting of two managers who had encountered eacheother on several occasions as players and managers in Spain but there was no angle in Laudrup v Pochettino so everyone more or less ignored it.  Mauricio made one change to the starting line-up with Gaston losing out to the fully recovered J-Rod.  Luke Shaw returned to the bench where the little African bloke was preferred to Guly.  Laudrup picked a Swansea line-up which included Pompey nightclub bag thief Nathan Dyer who has turned into a much better player than I ever thought he would when he was at Saints.  Up front they have Michu who despite regularly scoring goals all season wasn’t one of the six players nominated for the Player of the Year Shortlist for Players from Big Clubs.  The Young Player of the Year Shortlist for Players from Big Clubs didn’t include Luke Shaw or Swansea’s Ben Davies who have both been exceptional this season but did include Danny Welbeck, who has played loads of games up front for the Champions-elect and scored one goal.  It’s beyond bollocks it really is and you’d think that PFA members would have more idea.

The referee today is Mark Halsey who is back from being demoted to League 1 for a couple of weeks after failing to send off Wigan Callum McManaman for that horrible challenge against Newcastle.  It’s massively wrong that the FA won’t retrospectively ban the player because they don’t want to undermine referees but they will demote the referee, therefore telling the world that they think the ref got it wrong.  Is that not undermining him?

The opening of the game saw Swansea get the ball and refuse to give it to us which meant we were under the cosh straight away.  We’d only get a touch when a cross eventually came into our box from either Dyer or Hernandez.  On the one occasion they managed to pick out a man, Michu’s shot was blocked by Big Jos before it had gone anywhere.  If the defenders weren’t clearing the crosses then they were being picked off by King Artur with the minimum of fuss and so the tide began to turn.

Roll up, roll up, it’s time for the Jack Cork lottery as he received a Davis pass and took aim.  With the Saints fans behind the goal all wondering who was going to catch the shot which inevitably was about the fly into one of them, Corky went for the element of surprise and hit one on target, causing Vorm to watch it all the way and make a slight meal of it but keep it out safely enough.

Steve Davis is at the centre of everything for Saints and he picks out J-Rod who has retained the confidence from his recent scoring burst but curls and optimistic effort over the bar and into the crowd.  He comes closer five minutes later as Clyne and Davis combine to free J-Rod on the edge of the box who chips it up for himself and skews the volley on the turn into the ground making it comfortable for Vorm.

Swansea have a centre back called Chico Florres who is a very good defender but he also has a silly name and wears his hair in a bun which if I was in charge, would be an offence along with wearing gloves and tights and not be allowed as it’s just plain wrong.  He gets himself in a bit of a mess on the edge of the area as Lallana runs at him and eventually falls over in front of the Saints skipper and Adam falls over him.  The ref gives a free kick in prime Sir Rickie territory and the Big Man’s free kick is heading for the top corner but Vorm has read it and gets across to tip it away.   Good shot, good save.

From the resulting corner swung in Davis, everyone misses it and it ends up with J-Rod on the opposite side.  Though tight against the goal line, he tricks Florres into falling on his arse and crosses it back in.  Lallana has got in front of Vorm and goes for the header but misses it and there appears to be either none or minimal contact with the keeper as Vorm drops it giving Adam a tap in.   The referee has not given a foul but the linesman (who is on the same side as J-Rod crossed it from) has his flag up and it’s disallowed – I assume for the challenge on the keeper which is not surprising but it’s pathetic and I’m also left wondering how the hell the lino could see that from where he was. 

The sense of injustice is further heightened as Sir Rickie competes in the air for a straight ball played up to him and is hauled to the ground by Williams who has an arm over his shoulder.  Hmmmm, seen them given but not today.  Half time and 0-0 and fair enough, they dominated the first 20, we created a few chances in the rest of the half.

Swansea make a change at the start of the second half with ex-Skate Wayne Routledge coming on to replace the ineffective and invisible Luke Moore and he nearly makes an immediate impact as he escapes Foxy on the left and crosses to Michu who probably should have done better than head over the bar.  Nathan Dyer then picks up a Routledge pass but by the time he’s found a handbag, nicked a mobile phone and worked out how to take a picture of his arse, he gets closed down and his final effort is easily saved by the King.

The 60^th minute either sees Gaston being substituted or coming on and there’s a murmer of concern as Sir Rickie is removed with J-Rod going up top and Gaston slotting in on the right.  He announces his arrival by immediately passing the ball straight to a Swansea player.  Also passing straight to a Swansea player is Adam Lallana who gets back to help Foxy defend on the left, gets his foot in to divert it past Big Jos to Michu.  King Artur gives it the big starjump as Michu lays it off to Dyer who has an open goal but the bag thief’s effort is comfortably kicked off the line by Yoshida.

Punch is on for Lallana with 15 minutes to go and Morgan is skipper but we’re going nowhere and it’s all Swansea.  They have two situations which could have been dicey for us when Ki’s shot hits Foxy from about 5 yards away.  His arm is by his side and it’s kind of hip and arm together but thankfully not given.  Then Routledge gets away down the right with Big Jos unable to intercept the through ball and feeds de Guzman who can’t beat the big flying Polish Starjump guy who makes a superb save with his right boot.

It’s almost like it’s “you have a five minute spell, then we will” as the last five minutes are all us.  J-Rod manages to accidentally clatter the referee which is always funny before he’s replaced with the little African bloke whose appearance will make whoever sponsored him for two pounds a week back in the nineties, very proud.  There’s time for one more chance and it was set up by Davis who barged past Ki’s pathetic attempt to let the ball run out on his own goal line and laid it back for the little African bloke who made space before scuffing a shot at the near post that was on its way in until Vorm stuck out a boot to block it before pouncing on the rebound.  Full time.  Is everybody happy?

Similarly to West Ham last week – this was a fair result with neither team really doing enough to win it.  As I’m incredibly biased though, having watched footage of the disallowed goal on Match of the Day – I’m going to bang on about it.  I know we expect there to be a free kick whenever a goalkeeper is even remotely brushed but even so – this one is ridiculous.  Adam is in front of Vorm and hardly invades his personal space.  He gets across the front of him, impedes his line of sight and Vorm drops the ball which hits Adam before he turns and puts it in the net.  They were implying on MOTD that it was disallowed for handball but where was that?  Vorm dropped the ball plain and simple and it should have stood.  How can the linesman give something that he can’t have possibly seen.    He did get his flag up early but even so, it’s a wrong call.  Halsey was going to give it and he was much closer.  My feeling is that he should have at least gone over to the linesman and asked why he put his flag up and if he (Halsey) didn’t agree with the answer, he should have given it.  Rant over.... as an aside it would also have made the second half much more interesting.

As for the managers – well Laudrup bemoaned his teams lack of quality in the final third and he’s right as for all their decent football, they really produced nothing of note except a mobile phone, a handbag, a make-up compact, some morning after pills, an emergency condom and a packet of chewing gum from Nathan Dyer.  Mauricio admitted that we weren’t quite at it today and that he was happy with a point.  That’s 3 wins and 3 draws from the last 6 games with only 3 goals conceded. 

The one negative for me today that was when Sir Rickie went off we did nothing at all until the little African bloke came on with about 3 minutes to go.  It made me realise that we’ve been fortunate that the big man has remained injury and suspension free this season and the same can also be applied to Corky and Morgan in the middle of midfield.  Talking of Corky – there was a bizarre rumour on the Red Top websites (the shit ones) today that he’s out of contract and Fulham were interested.  Two things – he’s not out of contract and why on earth would he join Fulham?

So, another point to take us up to 39 and still in 12^th place – still not safe but very unlikely to go down.  Next up we have the visit of the Baggies which takes us back to The Hawthons which was one of our two low points for the season (the other being West Ham away).  At the Hawthorns we were shite, they were very good and we got hammered 2-0 and in a rare moment of prophecy, I gave the opinion at the time that the Baggies were set up exactly as we should be in a 4-2-3-1 formation.  From the next game we did that and have been on an upward trend ever since.  Time to complete the job next week and get 3 points and they can boing, boing, boing all the way back to the Black Country.

When we were chasing promotion I used to give the games left and the points required so in time honoured tradition. 

4 games to go, 7 points needed (though it’s probably much less than that)