"Fuck me Chappers, can't believe that went in"
A break from the stresses and strains of the Premier League and
we have a visit to Stevenage in the Capital
One Cup Knockout or COCK for short. Of
course, I’ve taken liberties with the name but football clubs have been taking
liberties with the good old League Cup for years. To add a further degree of surrealism into
proceedings, the FA decreed that all clubs had to field their strongest team,
unless you are in the Premier League in which case you can do what you
like.
Nigel Adkins, taking the ‘do what you like’ instruction to
the max, made 11 changes to the starting eleven with all the subs from Saturday
getting a start along with Butters, Deano, Chappers and making a welcome return
from injury, Tadanari Lee. Gazza was in
goal, Frazer was deployed as a centre back alongside All-at-Seabourne with
Butts and Luke Shaw as full backs. A
midfield three of Chappers, Deano and JWP looked strong and the front three of
Lee, Punch and Billy Sharp at least looked a more natural fit for the much
maligned (by me) 4-3-3 formation that we saw against Wigan on Saturday.
One of the players left at home was Guly do Prado who
managed to win the ‘first SFC player in off the pitch incident’ award for this
season by being arrested for drink driving on Monday night. Well done you utter pillock. I’m sure there will be a number of players
queuing up for your place in the side when you get the inevitable internal
suspension. I’m sure you could have
afforded a cab which you’re probably going to have to do for the next year or
so. Being a Brazilian in England , he was
lucky the Police weren’t from the Met as they would have just shot him.
Stevenage are currently in League 1 and all I know about
them is that they knocked Newcastle
out of the FA Cup last year on this ground so this isn’t going to be easy. They used to be called Stevenage Borough but
dropped the Borough a few years ago and also, I have a mate who used to live up
that way and he had a girlfriend from Stevenage
who actually called the town St.Evenage.
Apparently, Sky wanted to show this game live on Thursday but we knocked
that back as it would only give us 3 days till the Man United game. On the face of it that’s understandable but
come on, hardly any of Sunday’s team will be playing here and Stevenage
could probably do with the alleged £100k a TV fixture would give them.
I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that we started like a
team who didn’t have a clue what they were doing and Stevenage
took the initiative while we floundered about.
However, we did have the ball in the net when there was an early offside
call as JWP put Billy Sharp in on goal.
The decision was completely and utterly incorrect but by the time he had
stuck the ball in the net, we all knew it wasn’t a goal. Stevenage
nearly took the lead a few minutes later as Gazza lined up the wall to cover
one side of the goal and then stood too far the other side, giving him the
perfect vantage point to watch Tansey’s free kick hit the post and bounce out
as he scrabbled around on his arse.
The rest of the first half was quite frankly, shit with
All-at-Seabourne showing up well in defence and youngsters Luke Shaw and James
Ward-Prowse showing promise going forward.
Stevenage were the better side and the best effort we managed was a left
footed whoosh from Butters which had as much chance of hitting the net as Guly
has of driving the team bus home. Half
time and 0-0.
Due to an abysmal train journey home from work, I only get
in front of the radio for the second half and am greeted by the booming tones
that can only mean one thing, Merringtitus.
I’ll not get to hear as much of Big Dave this year as more away games
will be on TV but it’s treat to hear the master at work once more and with that
he goes off on one about the crap formation and the fact that we get no
strikers in the box and it’s a waste of Lee’s ability to have him stuck out on
the wing. Great minds think alike Dave.
We’ve come out with a bit more purpose after half time and
take the lead on 52 minutes when a decent passing move goes through Punch who
puts Billy Sharp away in the inside right channel and his cross runs behind
Chappers but in front of Tadanari Lee who sidefoots it past the keeper for 1-0,
the finger-to-the-lips celebration was especially for the Stevenage fans who didn’t
seem to like him very much, mostly because he’s Japanese. I only know that because I read about it on a
Stevenage forum so fair play to the guys who
flagged it up and I hope the guys who dealt it out are proud of themselves.
Pricks.
Unperturbed, Lee is off again down the wing and feeding
Punch who mis-controls slightly before playing in Billy Sharp on the right and
is left foot finish is bordering on the Sunday league horrific as he leans back
and sidefoots it well over the bar.
Talking of Sunday League, we make it 2-0 in farcical fashion
and put the game to bed and down the pub for some chips, as the Stevenage
centre half totally shanks a clearance back to his keeper Day, who picks it up
with the ref blowing for a back pass. It
isn’t a back pass as the rules state it has to be deliberate, not just the
product of a player being shite. So,
it’s a ridiculous decision but having had it given against him, what you
shouldn’t do as a keeper is hand the ball to the opposition and let them take a
free kick before you have your 10 outfield players back on the line. Hold onto it or welly it and take a booking
but don’t give it to Chappers who put it down and tapped it to Billy Sharp who dummied
past a bemused defender and smashed it in the net.
It’s a case of the sublime to the ridiculous in reverse a
few minutes later a Chappers ball forward is half cleared by a defender to
Punch who juggles a couple of touches before….
a) shanking
a left footed shot along the ground and out for a goal kick
b) lashing
it so far over it’s out of the ground and bouncing down the road
c) volleying
it perfectly over a statuesque keeper and into the net
No one who has watched Punch shooting for Saints over the
past 2 years will have picked c) but that’s what happened for a goal that would
have made a Matt le Tissier Top 10 goals highlights package if the great man
had scored it himself. Merringtitus has
predictably gone made with “that’s a DC goal”.
I’m thinking David Connolly or David Cameron even but it in fact is
Different Class.
It’s substitution time with the job done and so Ben Reeves,
Calum Chambers and Sam Hoskins come on for Chappers, Deano and Billy Sharp and
the new lads get going straight away with Reeves driving forward and feeding
Tadanari lee who slipped a ball into Hoskins who span between two players with
a kind of Cruyff/Bergkamp turn thing before sliding the shot just wide which
was a great shame. The clean sheet that
Gazza was looking for then goes to shit as Stevenage break past Shaw on our left
before the ball in is controlled by Thalassitis who totally does Seaborne and
smashes it across Gazza and in to make it 3-1 with 5 minutes to go.
Back came the Saints though and Lee’s cross found its way to
Calum Chambers and as the crowd went “shoooooot” he fed Reeves on the edge of
the area who took a touch before hitting a left footed strike confidently past
the keeper to make it 4-1.
So, a win that was comfortable in the end and we go through
to the next round where all the Champions League teams Reserve sides join the
competition. Nigel played his
traditional straight bat to any enquiries on transfers but as the evening drew
to a close, the incoming transfer of Emmanuel Mayuko from Young Boys of Berne
was announced. Apparently, he’s a quick
striker who was top scorer in the recent African Nations Cup for the Zambian
side that won it. On the face of it,
it’s a bit of a coup and of course, we all hope we have the new Drogba on our
hands. It does however raise the
question of how many forwards do we need, especially bearing in mind that at
the moment, we are only playing with one and that’s Sir Rickie. When my Dad started watching in the fifties,
we played a 2-3-5 formation so maybe we’re going back to that. Of course, it may
be that the new boy can play on the wing so we’ll have to see.
Next up we have an easy game with Manchester United visiting
St Mary’s. They’ll be without the Granny
Shagger himself which is just as well as all the bile I’ve spat out about him
in the last two England Tournaments would no doubt come back and bite me in the
arse. Of course, they’ve replaced
Squirrel head with van Persie who’s not bad but hopefully Big Jos will see it
as a ticket into the Dutch national side and pull out a blinder. Assuming he does, this means that we’ve just got
the other 10 to worry about... piece of piss!
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