Boring... Arsene says so...
Final time and Italy against Boring Spain. Apparently, keeping the ball and not letting your opponents have it is boring. Even Arsene Wenger thinks it’s boring and that they’re keeping the ball for negative purposes and not because it enables them to do anything positive. OK then. In my opinion it’s a lazy debate, “they’re playing with 6 midfielders, it must be negative”. If the full back goes down the wing and there are 4 men in and around the box awaiting the ball in then I don’t think it’s dull really. Still, Arsene knows... and of course, his Arsenal sides have never ever been known for keeping the ball endlessly and trying to pass it into the net whilst 60,000 Gooners shout "just fucking hit it".
What I know is that if there was a prize for singing the national anthem then Italy would win it, in fact Gianluigi Buffon would win it on his own. I have no idea of the words of the Italian anthem but it’s good whatever they are. Because I’ve only just switched on I’m alarmed to head someone say “we really appreciate you choosing to watch this on ITV…. Back after the break”. I don’t fucking think so.
Having safely switched over and suffered the fist Lawro "cringe" comment, the game starts. If I was an Italian I would have been severely worried by the first few minutes as the Spanish got it down and passed it as usual but with real intent. They all want to shoot tonight and after a couple of blocked efforts, they string together about 20 passes before Alonso and Iniesta combine to allow Xavi to fire just over from the edge of the box. About 5 minutes later and it’s 1-0 as Iniesta weights a wonderful pass inside the lumbering Chiellini at left back to Fabregas who looks like he’s going to shoot but instead gets to the line and stands up a cross for the incoming David Silva to head into the top corner. I found myself applauding in front of the TV which looks a bit odd to the various members of my family walking by. Chiellini has had enough and has limped off to be replaced by Balzaretti. If I was in the Italian defence, I’d have wanted to go off as well.
Before long it’s 2-0 with another incredible goal as Jordi Alba starts off with it at left back and feeds Xavi before setting off on a 60 yard sprint towards goal. The return pass from Xavi is perfect and Alba is through on Buffon and finishes like a 30 goal a season striker instead of like a rookie left back. Half time arrives with it still at 2-0 and there really is no way back for Italy already. Still, they come out at the start of the second half and have a go. Prandelli has brought on di Natale for Cassano and after surviving a goalmouth scramble after Fabregas took on the whole Italian defence and nearly scored, the sub has a glorious chance to make it 2-1 as Montolivo picks him out all alone in the box but he fires straight at Casillas before chipping the rebound straight back to the keeper in really shite fashion.
On the hour mark the Italians make their third sub with Thiago Motta coming on for Montolivo and the footballing Gods take the piss and Motta pulls a hamstring after about 5 minutes and has to go off. Ray Winstone's "all about the in play" markets go apeshit as a team goes down to 10 men. Good job Italians don;t bet on football isn't it. So, getting beaten 2-0 against the best passing side in the world and down to 10 men. Life couldn’t get much worse but then it does as Silva and Fabregas are replaced with Pedro and Torres and Spain continue to dominate possession. To be fair, the Italians are still trying to play but a return ball to Pirlo is intercepted and Xavi slides Torres in and he beats Buffon with ease to make it 3-0.
You want it to end now as it’s akin to kicking a cripple but there’s one more to come as Busquets puts Torres through again and this time he draws Buffon before squaring for Mata to roll into an empty net for 4-0. It’s another superb goal but they’re just too good. The Italians have been an extremely likeable part of this tournament so now I wanted the whistle to go, just to end it. When the whistle did go, Mario did a nutjob and fought his way down the tunnel past a couple of UEFA officials whilst Spain celebrated. It was notable that Iker Casillas went and shook hands with every Italian player before joining in – he’s some guy and he’s about to collect his third international trophy in four years. Mario came back out to go up and receive his losers medal but it was all about Spain – the greatest international side ever? I’d say so. They even came up with a new formation and still beat everyone. Boring ? Arsene knows...
Spain.... well, there’s Gerard Pique who has the same collection of international medals as Casillas and more club medals as he plays for Barcelona. On top of that he goes home and has a certain Colombian singer doing that ass-shaking thing around his bedroom. Tough life he’s got. There were those that said his career would go nowhere once he left Manchester United which is yet another example of our deluded view of the stature of football in England.... and if he's stayed there he probably wouldn't be in the Spain side or knobbing Shakira. I'd say his career choice worked out pretty well. Andres Iniesta was voted player of the tournament and no wonder, the guy is almost impossible to tackle unless you gang up on him. People talk of Xavi being too old and the fact that he’ll be 34 when the next World Cup comes round – as if that’ll make a difference. They’ll rest him occasionally and bring in someone infinitely inferior like Fabregas or maybe they’ll play with a striker for a change with either Torres or David Villa coming in. Oh yeah, they won it without Villa, their record scorer and without their man defender Puyol who was injured. They simply moved Ramos to centre back to cover that one and let in one goal the entire tournament. The only way I can see them getting knocked out of a tournament is on penalties after the opposition parks the bus for 120 minutes so get your money on them for Brazil 2014. As for my mate Torres - well I've taken the piss all tournament but guess what, he won the golden boot for the most goals - it was only 3 but the Mata assist won it for him. I will say though that 2 of his goals were against Ireland.
Overall it was an excellent tournament with the quality of the football being on the whole, very good which again makes a mockery of the decision by the fat Frenchman to bring in 8 poorer standard countries and increase it to 24 teams in 2016 when it’s hosted.... in France. Following France hosting the biggest tournament and bringing in the most money, the fat Frenchman has intimated that the 2020 tournament will be held all over Europe in up to 20 cities. What a joke. He says it will be great in these times of austerity... hmmm, I guess we will probably still be in the financial shiters in 8 years time but maybe not or maybe, you could hold it in England, Germany, Italy or Spain where you wouldn’t have to spend a penny to have enough big stadiums to host it. I.D.I.O.T. So, to recap, France host a big fat tournament worth loads of cash and it doesn't matter if a lot of the football will be shite as long as the audience tunes in for Lithuania v Slovenia. After that he doesn't see why any other country should benefit so he spreads it around. What a wanker.
So, goodbye from Poland and Ukraine which, contradictory to Sol Campbell’s predictions had no race riots or murders. The only murder was BBC murdering ITV in viewing figures for coverage of the final. It seems that when punters add it up, despite Shearer being boring, Hansen being a parody of himself and Lawrenson being the worst co-commentator ever, BBC triumphs significantly over the gurning Brummie potato Adrian Chiles. If you want a light entertainment personality who knows nothing about football, get Graham Norton to host it. Couldn’t be worse.
Gerard Pique is a lucky bastard
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