Pericard volleys in the first (excellent stuff from the Swindon Advertiser)The day after the morning before and how would Saints react to having no manager. There had been a statement from the clubs PR department regarding us being fully focussed on retaining our trophy, that trophy being the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy, won by Alan Pardew. A day of bewilderment and daydreaming on my part, had been punctuated by an email from a Pompey supporting mate of mine – it simply said “Paul Hart – ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.....” followed by another 2 pages of “ha”. I saw the rumour in the middle of all the deadline day panic buys and remembered that last time, we were linked with Tony Adams so there is obviously a Skate somewhere, on a wind up.
This JPT game was a big game for me as I was bringing my (just turned) 6 year old son to his first competitive game meaning it would be the first time he heard me use some new words. He’d only previously been to the Ajax friendly so I was in ‘friendly language’ mode. My two daughters were also present so it was a bit of family day. As i’d refused to pay the £10.50 to park near SMS, we got the bus from Woolston and that cost nearly £4 for the four of us. As we got to the ground, daughter 1 had her bag searched for “pictures of Alan Pardew” as the steward put it. A jovial start to the evening.
To the teams and Saints had changed a few from the 4-0 hammering of Bristol Rovers. Jaidi was back to give Martin a break in defence and Guly do Prado replaced Lallana in midfield. Up front, Barnard was left out to give Connolly a game. Swindon seemed to have a team of youngsters out there but had Charlie Austin and Vincent Pericard up front for them – the former having given us a hard time last year and the latter being an ex-Saint, ex-Skate and a handful when he can be bothered.
Kick off and ‘ALAN PARDEW’S RED AND WHITE ARMY’ is blasting out of the Northam. Guly do Prado had lined up on the left in a straight swap for Lallana which was my first disappointment of the evening as he’s totally right footed and he looked completely lost, not touching the ball for the first 10 minutes. The first player who stood out was Puncheon who twisted and turned into a shooting position before firing just past the near post. Also showing up well was Deano who was giving it some hammer in the centre of the park, flying into challenges like a man who was on the verge of taking someone out... and then there was the main in the blue who was shite and generally not giving any free kicks for anything as he simply didn’t understand what a foul is. Deano went up for a header, won it and then got nutted by the Swindon player competing. Not a bad foul but a foul to anyone watching. Play on. He eventually stops it when he realises that Hammond hasn’t got up and that he needs the trainer on ... and that he has blood dripping down his shirt from his head... and he has to change his shirt... and he has to put on of those daft turban things on that makes him look like a Teletubby.
The Northam End were doing their best to get my kids acquainted with football humour at its best. I was dreading having to explain how someone would stick Paul Hart up their arse. My son was still in World Cup mode and thought that Lambert was in fact, Lampard. I pointed out that Sir Rickie was our main goalscorer and that David Connolly was the one falling over a lot and gifting the ball back to the opposition. I was going to point out our marauding Frenchman but I couldn’t find him because he was wearing that cloak that makes him invisible. The he appeared a hit a fantastic 50 yard pass out to Puncheon on the right wing, a feat he tried to repeat twice more in succession, getting one right and one wrong. Hollywood balls are fine if they work but I’d rather he got involved in the game more often and actually use the ability he has in areas that might hurt the opposition. Ah yes, the opposition...
Harding played the ball up to Guly on the left and he tried to flick it inside the defender and lost the ball from where Swindon worked it out to Austin on the right who left Jaidi for dead and brilliantly hooked over a cross which was spectacularly volleyed home by Vincent bloody Pericard. Superb goal it has to be said and I actually clapped an opposition goal which doesn’t happen often.
Saints have gone a bit wobbly and are struggling to cope at the back. Fonte is having a tough time with the awkward Pericard and Jaidi is just having a mare, like he’s driving a car with four flat tyres. Surely Fonte should be on the quicker Austin and Jaidi on the big lump or that being too obvious. It’s not too bad a performance overall and a nice bit of skill on the left by Do Prado, results in Hardig scufffing a right footed shot straight at the keeper. Half time, 1-0 down.
The second half starts with a big blaze of nothing much and I’m getting the feeling pretty soon that we’re not going to score. Sure enough it’s Swindon who go 2-0 up as a cross is swung in from the left and Austin loses Fonte to score from close in. It’s a diabolical goal to concede as we all stood and watched.
The first change is made on the hour mark when Alex Chamberlain comes on for Puncheon. Now I thought that he had to get a note from his teacher to play an evening game on a school night but here he is and what a difference he makes, running with pace and commitment and challenging defenders to make tackles. This is in direct contrast to what Sir Rickie is doing. He looks like he’s running through treacle to be honest. He can’t run and he can’t get off the ground when he jumps whilst up the other end, Pericard is being a right pain in the arse and not giving Fonte or Jaidi a moments peace.
With just over 20 minutes to go, Dean Wilkins brings on Barnard and Dickson for Butterfield and do Prado. These were two good players to bring on but why not put Guly in his correct position and take the bloody Invisible Schneiderlin off. My kids are getting bored now and who can blame them. When it’s in your blood then you think nothing of sitting through a shit game when you have no chance of turning it round but for them, it was getting tough.
Lee Barnard was running about like a madman, showing a level of commitment that put most of the Saints players to shame when he launched into a bit of a lunging tackle which provoked a few Swindon players into getting involved. The ref, who had carried on being a wanker for the whole match, was only ever going to react one way when he saw the reaction of the Swindon players and Barnard was sent off. The fact that he seemed to show yellow and then a straight red just adds to the farce... apparently his cards were stuck together – idiot.
Because I’m a heartless bastard, I made my kids hang on to 85 minutes before we left. The sweets had all gone and so had everyone’s spirit. We headed towards the Itchen Bridge along with lots of disgruntled fans who were swearing lots. Usually I don’t notice it and I’m probably one of the worst offenders. We heard a cheer from SMS and I wondered for a second but someone on a mobile said ‘it’s three fucking nil now’. I now know that it was Pericard again.
So – so much for the JPT – out in the first round when defending ‘our’ trophy. I wonder when we have to give it back as I don’t remember seeing a squad photo this season which of course, would have had the trophy in it. It’d be a bit embarrassing to have one taken now bearing in mind we’ve already been knocked out and the manager who was in charge when we won it is currently doing a spot of gardening leave. On the radio I heard the interview with Caretaker manager Dean Wilkins who sounds like a decent bloke but he’s wrong when he said we played well-ish and he’s wrong when he said the upheaval didn’t affect the players. It did and we were shit though I have to say, Swindon were deserving winners and that’s now three times in a row that they’ve beaten us so fair play. Austin and Pericard were too much for our defence and Pericard is exactly the sort of player we should have signed as a backup for Sir Rickie. Mind you – on today’s performance, who would have been the back up.
A really bad day at the office with the knock on that Lee Barnard will be suspended for three games and he’s been our best player this season. We’re also hearing that Adam Lallana is unlikely to be fit for a while and seems to be heading for a knee operation. Oh yeah... and we haven’t got a manager but what we do have is the piss take form fans oof other clubs as numerous failures tout themselves for the job. Phil Brown – good at karaoke and public humiliations, not so good at managing football clubs. Mind you – he’d be better than Paul Hart, stuck up your arse or otherwise.
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