The Great League 1 Minus 10 Player Review - Season 2020/21

Rules:
Figures in brackets denote the first and second half of the season.
If you wan't to slag off the ratings without giving me a reason - go **** yourself.

Goalkeepers

McCarthy 6 (7 & 5)
First choice at the start of the season and a solid first half of the campaign but it all seem to go to shit around the old Trafford annihilation and since then has not been the same. The alternating between him and Fraser has not done him any favours because the comparison is there for all to see and Fraser has been the more reliable looking goalkeeper during the last few weeks of the season. Alex is clearly a very laid-back personality and that calmness it’s good at times but sometimes this season, he has been so calm but he seems to virtually fallen asleep and done something ridiculously lackadaisical. I can certainly see Alex starting on the bench next season.

Forster 7
His comeback from injury, a catastrophic loss of form and depression is great story but it wouldn’t be a great story without him performing well between the sticks. Initially he was called upon in cup games this season but as the season wore on, Ralph realised that Fraser was probably worthy of the number one Jersey as much as Alex McCarthy and so he got his chance and in the main has performed really well. A lot more confident coming off his line now and the change from watching him being stationed directly under the crossbar to being quite comfortable with the sweeper keeper demands of the modern game, is a tribute to the new goalkeeping coach and makes you wonder what the hell the last one was doing for all those years. Fraser at his best is certainly better than Alex at his best and then it comes down to consistency. I fully expect Fraser to be another one keeper in the new season.

Full Backs

Walker Peters 8 (8 & 8)
What a signing this bloke has been. Solid defensively and a wonderful attacking outlet has provided so much spark to the team virtually all season. It’s quite something to be solid defensively and still provide a vast majority of our attacking threat in some games. If it wasn’t for the ridiculous proliferation of good right backs for qualified to play for England, he would certainly be in the conversation for the full international side but all we can hope for this summer is that none of the big boys have got their eye on him because he’s an absolutely top player there was proved once again, that you can hang around at the big clubs for far too long.  Lost form for a month or so due to being over-played when just back from injury but the reason for that will become clear in a bit…

Valery n/a
There is a player in there somewhere but he doesn’t seem to have a brain between his ears and has not improved at all this season. He should be the ideal back up to KWP but he just isn’t and even when we had no alternative, we preferred to get him out on-loan to a Championship club, where he has singularly failed to perform in quite spectacular fashion. It is certainly time to move him on in the summer and it’s just a shame it’s come to this for a player who scored an absolute worldie at Old Trafford a couple years ago. Strong Instagram Game, drawing unavoidable comparisons with Mario Lemina.

Ramsay n/a

Given one start, lost 9-0 but he actually did OK.  Seemed to be completely out of the picture but then got thrown in when Valery was packed off to Birmingham and unfortunately for him, it was for "that" game.  Impossible to know from this game whether he can be the reserve right back this season but if I was a gambling man, I wouldn't have any money on that

Bertrand 6 (7 & 5)
What turned out to be the last season for Ryan Bertrand has been a bit of a disappointing one by his very high standards. If you put his seven seasons in order of performance, this one would most definitely be seventh. Seems to have lost the drive to get forward and doesn’t appear to have been as solid defensively. Still a very good player with a lot to offer and a new challenge will probably bring the best out of him next season. Sorry to see him go but time waits for no one and after the Shane Long contract extension fiasco of last summer, I don’t believe the club would be willing to give another longish term contract to a player who is over 30 and showing signs of going downhill. A great servant to the club and I wish him all the best.

Vokins n/a
He’s got about five years left on his contract but I fail to see how the academy coaches of the club can think that this guy is ever going to make it as a Premier League fullback as he appears to have no defensive nous at all.  When you can’t tackle and have no idea where to position yourself as a defender, it’s a bit of a problem. Has been loaned out to Sunderland this year in League 1 and has not been getting a game so how on earth was he the back up for Ryan Bertrand at the start of the season. His failure to develop has left us in a spot of bother because in an ideal world we would recruit a first choice left back and a youngster to be the backup. Vokins should’ve been that youngster but he just isn’t.

Centre Backs

Vestergaard 7.5 (8 & 7)
Was magnificent at the start of the season, both attacking and defending and his passing was out of this world. A real feature of the season as him dropping 60 yard passes on to the top of KWP on the right hand side. However, his great range of passing and impressive distribution off either foot can sometimes take attention away from the fact that when he’s not on his game, his defending is quite poor at times. He has looked knackered the last few weeks and has not been marking players closely enough but with one year left on his contract, we either need him to sign a new deal or in the summer or move him on. Moving him on will mean a bit of a change to the way we play as a vast majority of our playing out from the back comes through him.  A solid season regardless and some real eye-catching performances and we certainly missed him when he was injured.

Bednarek 6 (7 & 5)
Average season to be honest. Has still been virtually an ever-present but has made a lot of mistakes that he’s got out of with bloody mindedness and bravery. Doesn’t seem to have had the consistency of last season and will be under threat for his place from Salisu if he doesn’t improve next season. I think that he has been over-played this season and should’ve been taken out of the side after the 9-0 drubbing at Old Trafford. Has also been hung out to dry being forced to play at right back for a couple of games which didn’t do his confidence any good either.

Salisu 7
This boy is going to be some player. Rumour has it that the hierarchy of the club think that he is one that we are going to be selling on in a couple of years for a big amount of money.  If he can improve his passing and his play going forward then I don’t see why not. The first thing is that he is a big unit and he can move. Sometimes he looks a bit cumbersome and slow in his decision making but increased game time and training should see an improvement there. I have a feeling he will be a first choice central defender next season regardless of who the alternatives are. Has done well when filling in at left back but that is clearly not his position.

Stephens 5.5 (5 & 6)
Same old, same old for Jack. In and out of the team all season, having two or three decent games and then coughing up an almighty bollock. It has always been thus. Apparently, he’s doing extra training these days to try and force himself back into contention and fair enough. I do like his attitude, like the way he organises people but until he starts being more aggressive in challenges and cuts out the horrendous lapses in concentration, he’s never going to be anything more than squad player and this is exactly the same as has been the case for the last 5 or 6 years.

Tchaptchet n/a
On you go lad, we're 7-0 down with 9 men - try and keep it tight.

No 6’s

Ward Prowse 8.5 (9 & 8)
The machine has played every minute of every game this season and has been putting in consistently good performances the entire time.  He’s all about consistency and anyone who thinks that he is just about free-kicks and corners is not watching closely enough. He should be a starter for England in Euro 2020 but I find myself shaking my head in disbelief as more and more pundits can’t even find a place for him and a 26 man squad. Has become so much better defensively over the last couple of years and post-Romeu injury, has had to adapt his game when partnering Stuart Armstrong and has done so superbly.

Romeu 8
A classic case of realising how good a player is when he’s not available. When Ori got injured by a combination of a shit tackle and a shit pitch at Leeds, it robbed us of our midfield linchpin and meant we were always struggling. The goals per game conceded with and without Romeu must be quite spectacular in their difference. We have absolutely no one in the squad remotely capable of replacing him and this for me was a lot of our issues in the second half of the season.  Sped up his game in possession and enjoyed an excellent first half of the season when the spine of the team looked impressive. 

Diallo 6.5 (8 & 5)
Had to be patient as expected upon signing but in the main, has done pretty well whenever called upon. He seem to have a dip after Christmas, post injury and the partnership with him and JWP didn’t seem to work for a while. Ralph has mentioned that he did seem to suffer during Ramadan but there is a promising player in there and it will be interesting to see him develop next season.  Put in some excellent performances pre-injury and it's hard to believe how young he still is.

Jankewitz n/a
Provided one of the moments of the season, getting himself sent off after 65 seconds or whatever it was, when he thought a Ninja Drop Kick was a good way to mark his Premier League debut. Ralph has obviously washed his hands of Alex, as he has not played another minute since. Instead of that we have given minutes to players who have not deserved them at all. For me, this is bad man management.   He made a bad mistake and we all make them, especially when you’re a young kid trying hard to impress. Sadly, I don’t think he’s going to be around next season so we will probably never see him putting in any decent performances is in a Southampton shirt.

No 10’s

Armstrong 8 (7 & 9)
Stuart Armstrong is everything I like about a footballer. Understated, works hard and more often than not, produces. You always feel like there’s a chance of an end product when Armstrong has the ball, be it from his eye to goal or his intelligence in picking out the right player. That’s what sets him apart, apart from his great hair.  He knows what he is doing, knows what he wants to do and always plays his head up and sees the bigger picture. After we got buried by Manchester United, I did question whether Stuart could have a play in central midfield in our system but he prove me wrong towards the end of the season by forming a great partnership with JWP and it’s certainly an option that we can use next season when maybe we want to get another attacking player on the pitch. For me, without the bout of Covid and the after affects for a few weeks, he would certainly have been in the conversation for player of the season.

Smallbone n/a
Up and down season that was cut short by an ACL injury. Looks quite lightweight whenever he played and certainly needs to come back from the injury more bulked up and more able to withstand the demands of playing top-flight football. I can certainly see him developing into a Stuart Armstrong type of wide player.

Walcott 6 (8 & 4)
Considering he left the club 15 years ago, I failed to get excited by the over-hyping of Theo’s return. That said, he initially did a lot better than I thought it would be until an injury took about 2 1/2 months out of a season. When he returned for the last few games, he was decidedly off the pace but overall, I’m quite happy to have him around for the next two seasons as he is undoubtedly an asset and a positive influence when he is fit.  He clearly wants to play for us and clearly is happy to put in the work required.  When he’s on form, he brings direct running to the attack and is nearly always positive and not afraid to lose the ball or get tackled.  I’m never 100% sure he knows what he’s going to do next but overall, it’s been a positive.

Redmond 4 (4 & 4)
One good game against a Championship side in the FA Cup kept him in and around the starting 11 for the rest of the season. He has been absolutely woeful overall in the Premier League and often brings next to nothing to the team. A winger who is frightened of the tackle and therefore spends most of his time turning away from players and then knocking the easy ball backwards. He is supposed to add a bit of cut and thrust to the team, and maybe also some goals and assists but just doesn’t do it. I’m not convinced that he is happy to play with the intensity that is demanded by Ralph and it is a mystery to me how he has been rewarded for some pretty catastrophic performances, by being continually picked in the team. It is of course, frustrating because he has the talent but doesn’t seem to have the will to use it. Has this incredibly irritating habit of smiling and laughing when he does something abysmally shit and only seems to get angry with his own teammates whereas is always happy and jovial with the opposition. Seems to be stuck in an almighty rut and it would maybe be best for all parties if he moved on this summer.

Djenepo 4 (5 & 3)
How long are we going to wait? Basically, Moussa is just a newer version of Sofiane Boufal where you can see that he has some ability but after two years, you do begin to wonder whether he is ever going to show it on a consistent basis. To be honest, I can’t see it, as to play with the physicality required to play in the Premier League, seems to be too much for him to take and that’s when he becomes made of biscuits and just breaks. Seems to have an infectious personality and wants to do well and always tries hard but I just don’t see it happening. If he is still here next year then it’s a now-or-never season.

Minamino 4
We went to Liverpool to try and sign the full back that we needed and instead of that, we signed a an average lightweight winger who we didn’t need. No better than any the other wingers that we have and apart from scoring a couple of really good goals, didn’t seem to have anything else to his game that made him any use. He did try and adapt to the pressing game but just doesn’t have the physicality to do it and I think what drives me most nuts about him was his total inability to come out on top in any sort of challenge. If ever there was a player anywhere near him, he just lost the ball. He didn’t have enough pace and strength to get past anyone but it didn’t stop him trying which meant that he just kept giving the ball away.  You’d have to set the team up a very specific way to accommodate him as a traditional central No 10 but we’re not going to do that, so the thought of wasting money signing him permanently, is horrifying.

Tella 7
He’s a lad who has a genuine love of the game and always brings great energy and enthusiasm. Not a 90 minute player as yet but has the raw materials and correct attitude to be a success. Should’ve had more minutes towards the end of the season but we were too busy trying to get as much use as possible and keep the cost down of Minamino. Nathan is one of the reasons to look forward to next season to see how he develops. Needs to work on the end product and of course, having enough in the tank to make a contribution for 90 minutes.

Chauke n/a
Thrown into the first team for the FA Cup game against Shrewsbury and was okay. At only 17 it’s impossible to tell whether he’s ever going to make a first-team player but he certainly doesn’t look ready yet. One for the future.

Watts n/a
Played the same cup game against Shrewsbury and looks to have a bit of swagger about him, as you normally get from Aussies. Played on the wing but is primarily a central midfielder. Will certainly have to bulk up to play in that position in the system we use.

Strikers

Ings 7.5 (9 and 6)
Has struggled a bit with injuries this term, because of the condensed season no doubt, but what a player. The guy makes such a huge difference for Saints when he is playing and fully fit. Without him, would be in the bottom three without a question. With just one year left on his contract you do wonder where he’s going to end up. If I was him and I had an offer for a bigger club, there is no way I would be at Southampton next season given the way we have been going the last six months but of course, I desperately want him to stay because we would have to recruit out of the park to finds a striker as good as him. The injury at the end of the season has been particularly badly timed because I can see him missing out on the Euro 2021 squad (Update: He did miss out). The pandemic certainly seems to have conspired against him because he would’ve definitely been in the squad if the tournament been played at the time it was supposed to have been played.

Adams 7 (7 & 7)
Is partnership with Danny Ings is one of the main reasons we have kept our heads above water this season. A definite improvement on last season with more goals more assists and generally looking like an established Premier League player. Will only improve next season. Overall, I think he can look back at this season and think that he’s done a decent job. Needs to score more of the simple goals and needs to have a bit more luck with referees and VAR decisions next year because if he’d had that this year, he’d have ended up with about 15 goals. Needs to work on his composure in front of goal because at the moment he just belts the living shit out of everything which bring some spectacular successes (Sheffield United away) but some dreadful misses (Spurs away).

Obafemi n/a
Was due to go out on loan at Swansea and get some valuable experience and hopefully play a lot of games but predictably, got injured before he was supposed to go and spent the time rehabbing instead. Now back fit again, he looks like a boxer and you do wonder whether he’s ever going to have the professionalism required to play Premier League football. There is obviously some talent in the guy and he’s got a bit of swagger about him, which you need but seems more concerned about how he looks than being able to play football. As I write, has never strung together two decent performances in a row, let alone played two lots of 90 minutes. Has to do it next season or I can’t see it happening at all.

N’Lundulu n/a
In his substitute appearances, he has added a lot of energy and most of the time does not seem afraid to put himself about. I would ideally like to have seen him a few more times at the end of the season. Needs to work on his first touch and there might be a player in there. Needs to go out on loan next season I feel.

Premier League Match 38 - West Ham 3 Southampton 0

 

No Caption Necessary

A trip to the London Stadium Dildo Bowl for the last match of the season against West Ham. West Ham have had a fantastic season so far, finally reaping the benefits of being gifted a 60,000 capacity stadium to play in. Ain’t it funny how life works? It looks like they’re going to qualify for the Europa league for next season, having for quite a while looking like they might gatecrash the Champions League party. No one, including me, gave David Moyes a prayer of being successful when he went there because David Moyes has not been great over the past decade or so but fair play to him.  The man has proven many people wrong, including the Dildo Brothers and Karren Brady, who sacked him not so long ago.

It will be really interesting to see what happens with West Ham next season.  Part of the reason they have done well this year is genuinely because fans haven’t been in the ground and the unrest that is always at simmering point between the fans and the Dildo Brothers, has been largely confined to social media. If they fall back into the pack next year then it is a very uneasy truce and it will all kick off again, which will probably mean the owners taking that out on David Moyes.

A bit like the surprising success of David Moyes, has been surprising success of Jesse Lingard, on-loan from Manchester United. It’s remarkable what being appreciated actually does for a player. It will be interesting to see if they can hang onto Declan Rice in the summer as he is certainly the sort of player the vast majority of the Super League 6 could do with. If someone puts £80 million on the table then I can’t see the Dildo Brothers turning it down (cue fan unrest). Up front against us today will be Michail Antonio, once upon a time on-loan with us but we decided not to sign him and he punishes us every time he plays against us, when he turns into the best centre forward in modern football. Elsewhere there are big horrible players like Soucek and Ogbonna and some really energetic full-backs in Coufal and Cresswell. Fabianski in goal is always decent and they have threat from the wings in Benrahma and Bowen, who they signed from Championship sides. Overall, a very good side and we are always crap against them.

A win today could take us as high as 12^th, whereas an infinitely more likely defeat, will probably leave us 16th.  This won’t have any bearing on next season in terms of momentum or anything like that but it will have an effect in terms of money and how much is available to use in the transfer market in the summer. Names of possible targets are already being touted about but you only have to think a tiny bit to work out which rumours are likely to be bollocks.  First of all, look at the positions we need to recruit in – full-backs, winger, striker being the main areas. Also think about our policy of recruiting relatively young.  Hence, when we are linked with a 29-year-old high-wage central midfielder, it is unlikely to happen, though if a good player becomes available at an affordable price, I guess it might.   The fact that we have signed Theo Walcott may signal a shift in the previous policy.  Ralph also made a worrying statement this week about the possibility of signing Takumi Minamino permanently. Fuck, no. When I say we need a winger, I mean we need a decent one, not one who is no better than the other average wingers that we already have.

Team news is in and it’s a fucking weird one. McCarthy is in goal after his disaster against Leeds, despite it being Forster‘s turn as far as I’m aware. Bednarek has come back in for Stephens and Diallo has replaced Walcott with Armstrong moving to the wing. Nathan Tella is on the bench and Che Adams is injured and their places have gone to Redmond and Minamino. Say no more. Trepidation.

10,000 West Ham fans in the ground and fucking bubbles everywhere.  I hope that in these Covid times that no one has been manually creating those.

West Ham on the attack straight away and the cross headed away and then Saints break through Armstrong.  Armstrong makes loads of ground before swapping passes with Ings and putting Minamino clean through. His first touch takes it out left and as Fabianski comes, he dinks it over him and it drops about a foot wide.  Bollocks.

More Saints pressure as Diallo chips a lovely diagonal ball over to KWP who takes it inside Cresswell and shoots as Fabianski comes out and it hits him and rolls wide. No flag and it’s a corner.  A replay proves it would’ve been offside had he scored but because he didn’t score, we get a corner.

Having not taken our chances, guess what happens?  West Ham bundle forward through Antonio who knocks it to Bowen who, unchallenged by the three Saints players around him manages to get a shot in which he half hits and McCarthy just shoves it straight back out to Fornals who rams it into the net. Fucks sake, here we go.

Forward come West Ham again and a cross from the left is flicked away by Vestergaard towards Redmond in the left back slot.  Showing amazing defensive responsibility and under pressure from no one, he plays a big fucking air shot and Coufal crosses it back in and Fornals, given about 5 yards of space by Vestergaard, knocks into the net giving McCarthy no chance at all. Vestergaard was looking at him the whole time but didn’t think of going close enough to mark him.  Utter shite.

It could be fucking horrible now but it settles down and McCarthy has one more shot to deal with before half-time which is hit straight at him and this time he hangs on.  Well this is shite and I’m expecting a nice coast to the finish for the Hammers.

We push forward at the start of the second half with Armstrong doing all the hard work to win back a ball on the left hand side that he really shouldn’t have got anywhere near and eventually works a position for Minamino but he ignored the “Ings tap-in” option in the middle and tries a shot the near post which Fabianski pushes wide easily enough.  The shot at the near post is usually the shot of someone with no composure.

Dreaming of Anfield

The corner comes in and Bednarek flicks it goalwards but Fabianski takes off to produce a good save and get it away from the goal, unlike the keeper at the other end. Vestergaard hooks it back in but nothing happens and West Ham break on us and Diallo has to take a yellow card for the team in bringing down Lingard.

On the hour mark, Ralph decides to make a substitution and surely it’s Redmond coming off but oh no, it’s KWP who has been our best player.  Romeu is on and JWP has gone to wing-back.  What the fuck is this?

Tella is soon also for Minamino and he immediately produces a burst down the left and feeds a good ball into Ings who tries to spin Ogbonna who shows our defenders how to defend by standing his ground and allowing the ball to run through to the goalkeeper.  Get tight to the attackers – who’d have thought it?

We have a good go at conceding another one as Salisu doesn’t seem to realise that Coufal was going to get to the ball first and then he realises and the only option at that point is to boot him into the sky – yellow card.  In comes the cross and Soucek is unmarked, 6 yards out, as you’d expect from our defence… but he manages to head it wide.

With 15 minutes to go Redmond decides to the belatedly make some sort of contribution and drifts in from the left wing before teeing up Tella on the edge of the box but his attempted side foot finish is too close Fabianski.  Redmond has remembered he’s a footballer for a moment and picks up a chipped cross from JWP on the left hand side, cuts inside the full back and then shanks an abysmally shit effort about 5 yards wide of the near post. It flicks off the very back of the side netting.  It’s missed by miles in truth.  As said earlier, the shot at the near post is usually the shot of someone with no composure.

Saints do have the ball in the net as Armstrong chips one over the top for Tella to run onto but he looks miles offside so there is very little excitement when the ball hits the net and sure enough, up goes the flag.

West Ham have barely attacked this half but there is time for one more calamity as Bednarek gives the ball away on the halfway line and Fornals chips it forward to Declan Rice. Rice is on the left about 35 yards out and he just jogs to about 10 yards out, outpacing Bednarek who was running in leg-irons, in quicksand with full army pack on his back and Vestergaard realises there might be a problem about half an hour late and tries to dive in front of the ball from about 15 yards away, just after Declan Rice smashed into the net.  He went near post but that was ok because he got it on target and our keeper was sat on his arse in the middle of the goal and had dived away from the ball to make it as easy as possible.

Bednarek Narrowly Fails to Stop Rice Scoring

Well that was a massive pile of toss.  The most predictable defeat of all time.

Talk about going through the motions. Okay so West Ham needed a point to qualify for Europe and we didn’t need anything and they had their fans in and they always beat us. The only hope was that we went out with some point to prove and the players had some personal pride but a lot of these players don’t have personal pride. They just go through the motions, pick up the pay cheques and on to the next. Wankers.

From the moment that we didn’t score in the first 20 minutes, you knew what was coming next. When the first West Ham goal went in, you knew what was coming next and the second half was just played out with West Ham keeping us arms length and you just knew there was going to be a third goal. The lack of basic defending and lack of commitment to keeping the ball out of the net was fucking embarrassing.  The first goal came from a half hit shot but McCarthy served it up on a plate to Fornals. The second goal was dreadful from Redmond who just waved his leg at it and played an airshot and then Vestergaard was marking space where the ball came back into the box and wasn’t helped by there being no midfielder present either as Fornals had ten yards of space in our penalty area. The third goal is us giving up to allow Rice to just walk it to within about 10 yards and smash into the net.  Vestergaard had an absolutely diabolical game, defending like he did back in a bad old days in his first season. He kept backing off, he kept leaving his man. It was fucking pathetic. Bednarek was no better, McCarthy no better.  KWP was better… substituted.  

I’m beginning to think that Ralph picks the team out of a hat. He certainly doesn’t do it based on the previous recent performances because if he did that, Forster, Tella and Stephens would’ve started and McCarthy, Bednarek, Redmond and Minamino wouldn’t have. For the second game running, the substitutions were again completely fucking bizarre. KWP had been by far our best player but he gets substituted, apparently because Ralph wanted JWP to play on the right to put some crosses in. Why not stick him on the fucking right wing then?  I fully appreciate that we do not see everything that goes on, on the training ground and managers see a lot more than I do with regards to how to tactically change a game but some things just don’t make any fucking sense and that was one of them. The explanation was straight out of  the Claude Puel Big Book of Bollocks as well.  

KWP Nearly Scores.  Must be Substituted

Whilst we’re on tactics, the hybrid defence.  The hybrid defence is bollocks.  It’s a hybrid alright – 3 at the back with the ball and fucking wandering about wherever, without the ball.  Wthout athleticism and concentration, it's always going to be risky. – might be ok with the right players but look at the 3^rd goal.  With the right back up the pitch like he’s supposed to be, Bednarek has to get over to the right to cover.  He’s too slow to cover that ground so it won’t work – Stephens is quicker but he wasn't playing.  The hybrid attack (so to speak) relied on JWP to cover the whole wing which is not his game and on the left, it relied on a player who only plays well against Championship sides. I fully expect the hybrid defence to be in the bin when we sign a proper left back.

After the generally pathetic second half of the season and the pathetic surrender today, I feel now more than ever that Ralph will be on quite a short leash at the start of next season. If we are crap in the first 10 games, they’re going to be some serious questions asked at board level, especially if the squad is revamped in the summer.

On that score, I am terrified we are going to try and sign Minamino.  Please let it not be true. The guy tries his best and he never gives up but he just hasn’t got it and I hope that’s the last time I see him in a Saints shirt. I’ve said all I’m gonna say about Nathan Redmond (until I do an end of season review anyway) but that moment today when he was standing there with his hands on his hips, not paying any attention and then getting caught offside by 10 yards, kind of sums him up. That and the face he pulls where he drags another shot one of the goal from 6 yards, when he looks like he thinks he’s been really unlucky or robbed in some way. No mate, just shit.

On the positive side, it was good to see Oriol Romeu back fit and we clearly need him to be up to speed by the start of next season, which I am sure he will be.  That is more or less the only positive for today.

Today was another blank, when we didn’t create much in front of goal. If we don’t have both Ings and Adams on the pitch then the drop-off is massive. The only time it hasn’t been a massive drop-off this season was when Theo Walcott played up front but for some reason, he hasn’t been played up front since he got back from injury.

Overall it was an absolutely dreadful performance to finish the season off but as I said, entirely predictable.

Thank Christ the season is over. We eventually finished 15th but finishing below such crap as Newcastle and Crystal Palace is not good. With all due respect, we should be finishing above those teams regardless.  Given the squad we have I’d say we’re about 3 places worse off than we should be.

There is a big summer ahead and we need to get it right, or else we are going to be next years Sheffield United.

Thank Fuck It's Over.  Roll on next Season with the fans back.

Premier League Match 37 - Southampton 0 Leeds United 2

Bielsa Reacts to Ralph's Substitutions

We all hate Leeds don’t we? Well, historically yes but based purely on the way they play football this season, most definitely not. I know it’s been said before they have been a breath of fresh air this season, surviving comfortably in the first season back in the Premier League, which would’ve been the aim for a club that I spent about 20 years outside the top flight due in no small part to the Peter Ridsdale blueprint on how to ruin a football club.

Without spending a huge amount of money they’ve got back into the top flight and have performed exceptionally well this season, never looking in serious danger of being drawn in to the scrap at the bottom. Next season will be more difficult because teams will know what they are about but that’s for another day and there is absolutely no danger of them having second season syndrome like Sheffield United did.

Marcelo Bielsa will certainly be there next season and if I was a betting man, I would be betting on them being a lot closer to the Europa League places than they are this season. They lost games at the start of the season because they went into them a little bit naïvely and I had a phase in the middle where they looked a bit tired but they certainly seem to have their mojo back at the moment, as was proven by a thumping 4-0 win at Burnley last time out. It’s a dangerous game for us because it’s one of the games where if we don’t bring our fully committed game to the table, will get beat and get beat quite comfortably.

We got beat quite comfortably 3-0 nil up at Elland Road earlier on in the season in a game which kind of summed up a lot of what this season has been about. We played really well for 45 minutes, got a couple of very questionable decisions off the referee (Nathan Tella penalty decision being overturned and then not being allowed a quick free-kick when Adams scored) and VAR, had one of our most important players (Romeu) get injured and then we completely fucking collapsed and lost 3-0.

Talking of Romeu, it looks like he might be back today if only to make an appearance off the bench. It looks like Jan Bednarek is also fit so it will be interesting to see what the starting line-up is both from the point of view of wondering if Bednarek comes back into the team for Stephens or if Tella and/or Theo Walcott make it into the starting 11 in place of Liverpool’s Takumi Minamino or Nathan Redmond.  Talking of Theo – it’s been announced that he’s agreed a two year deal to sign permanently.  Personally, I see this as a good thing even though his post-injury form has been poor.  He showed before the injury that he has more about him than the other wingers that we have.

Oh yeah, I’m at the ground because I’ve been lucky enough to get a ticket. We have been given a 5:10 arrival time for the 6 pm kick-off. That’s a pain in the arse considering I have to work until 5 (officially) but it is what it is. I think people will in the main put up with this crap for the rest of this season but 6 pm kick-offs can really get in the fucking bin.

So, how different would be match day experience be?  Well, we parked up in Woolston and walked across the Itchen Bridge, had a quick chorus of “Swing Lowe” and arrived at the corner by the Megastore and assumed I could go left and behind the Chapel and around the ground to the Kingsland.  I was met by a steward and told that as I was entering by the purple gate and we’d would have to walk right past the stadium the other way.  No problem – off we go round to the ticket office and another steward.  No dice here either – when the 1^st steward said “walk round the ground”, he actually meant “walk round the gasholders”.  So right the way up Britannia Road turn left towards Northam, up the road and back across the bridge over the railway line and into the ground that way. Fucking hell. Didn’t say anything about that on the ticket. Once in the ground all is fine and sat just past the halfway line in the Kingsland stand. It’s good to be back. Leeds are warming up in front of us and I was watching, thinking that I didn’t know who hardly any of these players were at the start of the season but now I recognise everyone. Their warm-up looks very intense as you’d expect, given the energy levels that Bielsa seems to have instilled in them.

The team news is good on one hand and not so good on another. Nathan Tella is given a deserved start and Theo Walcott is also in the team with the two players being left out being Redmond and Minamino.  Unfortunately, Danny Ings is not fit to start so has been replaced by Djenepo who has not had a decent game for quite a long time.

As the players come out, there’s a very loud rendition of “Oh when the Saints” from the 8000 or so in the ground. It’s a good moment.

Saint start again well and are playing their way through Leeds quite well. A JWP freekick from the right hand side is cleared and eventually Djenepo gives the ball to Armstrong who runs at Cooper in the inside left channel, past him to the by-line before chipping the ball up for Scotland’s Euro 2020 striker Che Adams, to head goalwards but Casilla claws it away quite comfortably

Saints continue to play their way through Leeds press. Their defensive set up is all about 1v1 marking, so if you do get past one man someone else has to come off of their player in order to close you down which means that in theory, once you beat one player, you should be able to carry on. The trouble is with this is that if you do lose the ball you are very open to the counter-attack and this is what happens when Stephens wanders forward with it, gets to the edge of the Leeds area and then has no idea what to do with it. Leeds break quickly, cross into the box Rodrigo heads down and Dallas shanks a shot wide. It’s a warning most definitely.

Some good combination play by Walcott and Armstrong leads to Tella finding Adams and his first time shot is heading to the bottom corner but Casilla gets down well to push it past the post. To be fair, Che didn’t get a proper connection on it but it’s a decent effort none the less

Half-time And we’ve been decent so far. I can’t help but think that Bielsa will tighten Leeds up in the second half but hopefully Danny Ings will come on at some point and give us the cutting edge we need. Oh, here are the players and here is Danny Ings and unfortunately, it looks like Che Adams has gone off.

Saints again start the second-half well and on the front foot and win a free kit 35 yards out. It’s right on the edge of what you would call JWP territory but he produces a brilliant effort which just doesn’t dip quite enough and it pings off the bar and over.

Leeds seem to be playing with more intent this half and Bamford has a blast from close range which McCarthy blocks. Their next attack is a break and Harrison hits a long ball at the top and Vestergaard has totally got himself in the wrong position, having to turn and chase Bamford who is clean through. Bamford goes to go round McCarthy who catches him but to his eternal credit, Bamford stays on his feet but the product of his honesty is of course that the shit referee and the shit VAR don’t give him the penalty that he should’ve got. Bielsa, of course, brings something new to management and it’s quite amusing watching him arguing with the fourth official through his interpreter.  The interpreter is doing his best to conjure up the facial expressions that an angry manager usually comes up with on the sidelines.

This is actually a really entertaining game with JWP firing one in from the edge of the box which causes all sorts of mayhem but Leeds eventually clear and then we’re back at the other end with a Bamford shot being cleared from in front of the goal by Stephens and then Alioski drilling it straight at the scrambling McCarthy.

With 20 minutes left to go, Ralph decides to take off the admittedly fading Tella and bring on Nathan Redmond. No, I can’t explain it either.

Leeds build up again and Rodrigo picks up on the right hand side and chips are lovely ball over the top of Vestergaard to Bamford who has stolen in. Time seems to stand still and McCarthy looks like the whistle has already gone as Bamford waves the outside of his left foot at it and post it through the goalkeepers legs and into the net.  Time stops. It’s really fucking weird as there is absolute silence in the ground apart from the Leeds players making some noise.  What a shit goal.  It’ll be interesting to see on a replay when I get home but that looked absolutely fucking dreadful from a defensive and goalkeeping point of view.

Alex Watches Fraser Move Ahead in the Goalkeeper Race

All of a sudden, Saints look absolutely done and you can tell exactly how the rest of the game is going to go. Ralph decides that a player who is never ever scored in Diallo, is what’s needed at this point and he comes on in place of Walcott. Leeds have the ball in the net again as they play the way through and Bamford pulls it back to Raphinha, who slots in but Bamford as well offside this time.

As we arrive near the 90th minute we do have a brief flurry with Armstrong finding Redmond in the inside right position and he cuts inside Cooper before shanking the shot into the side netting with his left foot. Danny Ings has a go on the turn from the edge of the box and because it’s Danny Ings we all get excited until we realised that the ball has hit the advertising board about 20 yards wide of goal.

There is another chance as Leeds put in some panicky challenges with Dallas needlessly fouling KWP. JWP’s delivery pings around a bit and eventually falls to Stephens 6 yards out but all he can do is headed straight to the goalkeeper. Casilla a superbly drills it out to Raphinha – one pass to Roberts, on to Bamford, whose shot is parried by McCarthy and Roberts rolls into the net. Game over.

Well that was disappointing. The second goal made the score a slightly flattering one for Leeds but overall we can’t complain about getting beat. We were the better side in the 1^st half and didn’t take our chances and they were the better side in the second and took the chances that came their way. I think I wrote the same about the game at Elland Road earlier on in the season and that’s the problem.

The key moment of course is the first goal which is a joke. Defenders ball watching and a goalkeeper who is ignoring everything he’s been taught this season and not playing to the whistle and not really making any sort of effort to stop Bamford poking into the net. The offside was not given and that’s all there is to it.  It’s one of those offsides where if you draw the line from a different place on Bamford‘s arm then he is offside but to be honest, the guy deserves a break for staying on his feet earlier in the half when McCarthy tagged him. That’s a penalty all day long and it wasn’t given because he was honest and stayed on his feet. Why a referee and VAR can’t give that as a penalty even though Bamford hasn’t hit the deck, is absolutely fucking ridiculous. I don’t think VAR has even looked at it because the player hasn’t hit the deck. It really is an absurd system.

From about the hour mark onwards, the chances of us scoring got less and less. The second half substitutions were perplexing to say the least. I remember Ralph a while ago saying that the substitutes and they made the team worse. That was after the game when he last brought on Redmond as a substitute and it happened again today. Tella’s enthusiasm and energy went off and Redmond came on. With 10 minutes to go and needing a goal, we took off an attacking winger in Walcott, and brought on the defensive midfielder in Diallo and the net result of that is, you have one less player on the pitch who is likely to create or score a goal. It was not a surprise when Leeds killed the game with the second goal.

I wrote the following after the Elland Road game “They adapted – maybe it was via Bielsa but it sounded like they worked it out themselves.  I’m increasingly coming to the opinion that Saints are very well drilled and know what to do until they have to start thinking for themselves and thinking on their feet when we don’t have any fucking answers.”

We had lots of space to create openings in the first half as we played through Leeds very easily but there seem to be no link between midfield and attack and we didn’t work their goalkeeper, who has a reputation for being a complete clown. In the second half, Leeds tightened up because they and their manager adapted and we had no answers and as the game went on we created less and less.   Leeds had a strange tactical shape in the first half with three defenders and three midfielders are basically four strikers. The three midfielders were Phillips in the middle with Dallas and Alioski playing really wide so consequently, Phillips was virtually there only central midfielder and once we got past the four attackers who weren’t pressing that well, we could take Phillips out with one pass.  We didn’t take advantage of this, either because of the movement of the strikers or the pass through from the midfield.

The substitutions - I do not understand it.  Apparently Adams had a knock so I get that one but on 70 mins, Redmond on for Tella.  What was the point of that?  Redmond has been awful recently and we have Obafemi and N'Lundulu, two natural strikers on the bench.  That 20 mins should have gone to one of those guys.  As for bringing on a defensive midfielder on 85 minutes?  What are we trying to do - protect a 1-0 defeat?  I get that's it's to move Armstrong forward but even so, it didn't make much sense and didn't work.  We would have been better off just pushing Walcott up front with Redmond and Ings and going 4-3-3.

Of the players today, I thought JWP showed why he deserved the player of the season award, with another excellent performance. Stuart Armstrong again played well in the centre of midfield but that missing link to the attack always seems to be present when he is restricted in his running forward. Che did well in the first half of picked up a knock which meant I had to go off at half time and there was some promising energetic stuff from Nathan Tella but he is not a 90 minute player as yet. There were some great stuff at the back from Vestergaard and Salisu, particularly in the first half but Vestergaard in particular seems to be getting dragged out of position more and more as the game went on and getting into that no mans land where he has to turn and run back.

One last game in this strangest of seasons and a trip to the strangest football ground of all at the Olympic Stadium in Stratford. We are always shit there.

Premier League Match 36 - Southampton 3 Fulham 1

 

Someone's Happy

Already relegated Fulham come down to St Mary‘s for a game that I’m sure they are really looking forward to. In all my time of supporting Saints, I don’t think we’ve ever been relegated with this much of the season left so I don’t really know.. but I can’t imagine this is much fun for Fulham players and fans, even though they are used to getting relegated. Fulham have been a team this year, bolstered by a load of loan players who probably don’t give much of two shits anyway and they will all now be wondering where they are going to be next season.

One of their loan players is of course our very own Saints legend Mario Lemina. Ralph made some interesting / worrying statements in his last press conference to the effect that Lemina may well come back into the squad next season for the last year of his contract. Whilst on one level, I can see that that would make sense because he can possibly provide cover for every position apart from the strikers and the goalkeeper, I just wonder if we really need a player who doesn’t give a fuck. It’ll be down to his attitude I guess but I have to admit, I was quite impressed with the commitment he showed and the performance he put in, in the Fulham game against Burnley which they lost and confirmed their relegation.

Scott Parker is the manager of course and there is this narrative around the game that he’s done a great job and he might be a contender for a possible move to Spurs. Hang on a fucking minute. They’ve only won five games all season so how a manager can emerge from that with an enhanced reputation is absolutely beyond me. He does come across quite impressively and he wears a nice suit on the touchline, but really?

The major news after the Palace game was that Ryan Bertrand confirmed that he would not be signing a new contract with Saints and will be leaving the club at the end of the season. This demands a full blog entry in its own right and I’ll do that soon but for now, let’s just say that he’s been a brilliant servant to the club over the last seven years and for a couple of those years at least, he was certainly in the conversation for being our best player and certainly been the most consistent. I don’t think he’s quite been at the races this season and it is probably the right time but it’s always a worry when you have to replace someone who is in the starting 11 every week if he’s fit. I hope that he is fit enough to get on the pitch in the Leeds game next week so at least some fans, including me, can give him a decent send off.

Time's Up for Ryan

Today’s team news and …. Meh!  Bednarek hasn’t made it so Salisu starts next to Vestergaard and aside from the goalkeeper tombola with Macca back in between the sticks, there’s no changes, with Minamino and Redmond keeping their places.  In the Fulham side, I’ll be keeping an eye on Anguissa and Andersen to see if I start lobbying for us to buy them – not that that of course, makes any difference.

Fulham are trying to play out of defence and looking about as comfortable as their fans did when they put up a Michael Jackson statue at the ground.  Andersen plays it into Aina, who is being deployed in midfield which is surprising because he is absolutely shite.  With no awareness at all, he allows Armstrong to nick the ball off him and Minamino picks out Redmond in loads of space on the left but when a shot across the keeper was required, he lazily lashed it wide with his left foot.   No matter because Minamino took too long to pass the ball and so he was offside anyway.

Aina is our most creative player and he plays a great “no-look” pass to Adams on the edge of the penalty area.  Adams switches it inside to Minamino who is through but to be fair to Aina, he’s got back in to block the shot which is eventually cleared miles up in the air from about a yard out and caught by the goalkeeper.

A move down the right hand side ends with Armstrong dummying his way past Andersen who grabs him and pulls him back. Free kick and a yellow card and more punishment as JWP puts the freekick across, right on the money and there is Che Adams to sweep it first time into the net from 6 yards to make it 1-0.  Needless to say, he’s being marked by Aina, who brilliantly just stands there and lets Adams do what he likes.

It’s the Aina show yet again and his next contribution is to pointlessly Lee trash Minamino right on the edge of the penalty area and dead central. It’s not the ideal position but you do know that JWP is going to get it on target. I notice Harrison Reed for the first time but only because he’s lying on the fucking ground behind the wall, knowing full well there is no way JWP is putting it there. In the event, the skipper has to smash it goalkeeper side, and Arreola produces a save for the cameras.

There is one more opening before half time as Armstrong produces a lovely run before slipping the ball through to Ings, who skips round Areola, doesn’t dive but runs out of room and eventually his cross it’s nodded out by Andersen.

The game meanders on for the first 15 minutes of the second-half with the only near miss being a JWP freekick from the right-wing which we use to try and re-enact the first goal but this time, Onomah gets a flick to stop Adams scoring again. The first sub comes jusy before the hour mark with Danny Ings, clearly having reached the predetermined number of minutes for today, coming off to be replaced by Nathan Tella.

The sub takes less than a minute to have an impact as Armstrong drives forward from midfield, plays a 1-2 with Minamino, before sliding in KWP on the right-hand side and his low cross in between the defence and the goalkeeper is absolutely perfect for Tella to bury for his first ever goal in professional football. The smile on his face as he wheels away seems to be outside the parameters of his actual face. A brilliant moment for a player who has had to overcome quite a lot of adversity in a short professional career so far.

Fulham begin to come into the game a little bit, now they are out of it and we are not managing it very well.  A quick break up our left hand side catches us out a little bit with Decordova-Reid finding Cavaleiro in the middle but Jack Stephens comes sliding in with a shit or bust tackle and superbly wins it and knocks it back to McCarthy.  Salisu then has to make a last ditch block to deny Decordova-Reid and then Fulham get the goal they probably deserve as Decordover-Reid puts Carvalho through any lashes it past McCarthy and in off the crossbar. Poor defending by Stephens, who is way out of position, it has to be said.

Ralph has decided it’s time for more substitutions with Diallo and Walcott coming on for Minamino and Armstrong. Straight away Diallo starts giving the ball away but the other substitution, like the first one, is a success straight away with Walcott being involved at the start of the move finding Adams, then running on to take Tella’s back-heel into his path before smashing into the net with the aid of a deflection. Theo‘s first goal at St Mary‘s the best part of 15 years.

Walcott: Good Goal, Questionable Hair.

Tella then has a greedy moment when having sprinted about 50 yards to barge had Adarabioyo out of play, he ignores Adams on the edge of the box and instead, shoots at the near post which forces Areola to shovel wide. I think we can forgive him that one. The End – 3-1.  Easy.  Two wins in a week.

You know we have those games occasionally where the other team beats us and we feel that they were only in second gear and they just did what they had to do to win. That was a bit like us today. The win was always comfortable, and it was always a relatively easy three points, but we just did what we had to do and that of course meant it was a little bit in question when Fulham got a goal back. The truth is, you can see exactly why Fulham are going down. They are in the main, bloody awful. Nothing whatsoever upfront and some of their defenders are just dreadful and just not committed enough to keeping the ball out of the net.

We won the game basically with nine players and more on that later. Highlight the day of course was the performance of Nathan Tella off the bench. The guy is so enthusiastic and brings so much to the team when he comes on as a sub and it was fantastic to see his smile when he got his goal. The assist for Walcott wasn’t too shabby either and it was nice to see Theo get back to something like his best form in his cameo. Theo’s influence on the younger members of the squad is clear for all to see and interesting that Walcott was a big player at Arsenal when Tella was in their academy.

Che Adams had another good game up front and help himself to another goal and the defence in the main was untroubled by the admittedly limited Fulham attack. Defensive highlight of the game was the Ghana Express ploughing straight over Carvalho in the first half and the young Fulham forward getting up with a “what the fuck was that? “, look on his face.

I was initially disappointed with the selection of Redmond and Minamino and they did nothing to prove that I was wrong not to be impressed with their selection. Redmond bought everything that is negative in his game to the table and Minamino shows that he does not know his own game. He does not realise that he does not have the pace or the strength to beat a player or keep hold of the ball and get away from the player. It annoys me that he even tries to beat a player because all he’s going to do is give the ball away. There simply must be something about the number of minutes he plays and the cost of his loan deal because I can’t believe that he stayed on the pitch for 90 minutes against Palace and 75 minutes today because he was appalling in both games.

It was nice to see Ralph relaxed and enjoying himself is the game wound down, taking time to have a good laugh when Fulham drilled the ball at the referee. It must be nice as a manager when you bring onto substitutes and they score 2 goals and produce an assist between them.

As for the Fulham players I had an eye on, Frank Anguissa didn’t do much to be fair and look like he was ambling through the game whilst he Joachim Andersen was solid but there were a couple of ropey misplaced passes.  No doubt he would be a better player in a better side.

Next up a course is fans back in the ground for an altogether tougher test against Leeds who are a team who will never take it easy in an end of season game, as proven by them running out 4-0 winners at Burnley this afternoon. Having won two in a row, it be great to get a third but to be honest I’m just pleased to be in the ground and looking forward to my first live football match for about 14 months. Bring it on.  Up the fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 35 - Southampton 3 Crystal Palace 1

Put Another Zero on the Contract Mr Semmens!

And so it came to pass that we are safe from relegation with four games left to play. There have been plenty of seasons where we have not been safe with four games left to play so I suppose that’s something. There is no getting away from the fact that we have been shite throughout the second half of the season and once the season is over, I’ll have a good look at why that is and why I think that it was always going to be so, with the squad that we’ve got.

I’ve already started that thing that we do every year, of looking at the teams that have been relegated and wondering which players we might be able to pick up. Put it this way, none out of Joachim Andersen, Frank Anguissa or Matheus Pareira will be playing in the Championship next season. Oli McBurnie probably will be, if he’s not in prison.

So, tonight may be the chance for Ralph to have a really good look at some players to see who is going to be useful for next season. Personally, I hope to see Nathan Tella, Michael Obafemi and Alex Jankewitz today. There is nothing to lose in playing those three instead of for example, Nathan Redmond, Theo Walcott and Moussa Djenepo. Yes, it will be nice to win some home games and get us up the league a bit but ultimately, next season is more important. More likely though, we will see the perceived best 11 because there is no such thing as a meaningless end of season game these days until you cannot possibly move up or down one position, given the prize money at stake and especially this season.

We are playing Crystal Palace today who have survived again, comfortably. You won’t catch any of their fans moaning about being safe with 4 games to go and Roy Hodgson has once again done a decent enough job. It does seem to be a turning point with Palace this summer with a number of players out of contract and you do wonder if Roy Hodgson is going to want to carry on, having reached the ripe old age of 106.

The player we always end up talking about is of course Wilfried Zaha, who Palace have consistently priced out of a move for the last four years when he’s been desperate to get away. It looks to me like he hasn’t quite been as good as are usual this season but as we learnt last week, and have learnt countless times before, a poor-ish run of form can always be solved by playing against Southampton. Palace made a very good signing in the summer when they got Eberechi Eze from Queens Park Rangers and he has shown enough this season to show that he will be the natural successor to Zaha when he does eventually move on. It will be interesting to see if Zaha has grown up at all or whether he is still notoriously easy to wind up. I suspect the latter as people don’t often grow up much between the ages of 28 and 29.

Other news from around the Saints camp is that we will have approximately 10,000 fans at the home game against Leeds next week and yours truly will be one of them, having managed to book a ticket without throwing my laptop through a window, trying to deal with the Southampton ticketing website. Rumour has it that Martin Semmens is looking for a new hamster to run round in the wheel to power the site in the summer but there’s not many decent hamsters available in the £8 to £10 million price bracket that we operate in. Maybe we can get an unexpected bargain on a Bosman or maybe we could think outside the box and invest in a bigger hamsterwheel and put Shane Long in it for the last year of his contract.

Team News and clearly today is not the day to think longer term with the team selection. The headline news is that Danny Ings is back with Nathan Tella dropping to the bench and there is also a recall for Minamino in place of Walcott. Palace have actually picked what looks like a quite entertaining side for them, containing as it does, Eze, Zaha, Ayew and Benteke. There is none of the usual McCarthy and McArthur who spend all game kicking people and pulling them back and not a lot else.

Away we go and the first incident is KWP bringing down Mitchell out on the wing. In it comes, headed on by Dann towards Benteke. No danger because he is surrounded by six or seven Saints defenders but they all collectively shite their pants and the Gods of lucky bounces all conspire to allow Benteke to somehow accidentally assist himself and then smash it in the net through the goalkeepers legs. It’s absolutely fucking abysmal defending and Benteke just bulldozed his way through and for him, that’s a great goal.

To be fair, we react well and begin to play, finding space in midfield and out wide.  On 20, Armstrong breaks through midfield and Palace show their usual cynical side with Riedewald hauling him down. We take the free kick and Palace doze off and the ball goes out to Redmond on the left who crosses it in very average fashion but that doesn’t matter when you have Danny Ings and he produces a fantastic touch and turn before passing it into the corner of the net.  Behold, a genius.

Redmond this finding all sorts of space out on the left because ex-skate Joel Ward can’t be bothered to get out there quickly enough. Armstrong finds Minamino and Saints eventually work the ball out to Redmond on the left and he cuts inside tries a curler for the far post and Guaita tips it wide.

From the corner the ball ends up with Adams is in an identical position that Redmond just had and he goes for the same effort and once again, Guaita gets down to save it well. Has being within 17 miles of Portsmouth turned Joel Ward into a League one defender again?

From the next Palace attack, Redmond does what he does best and clatters into the back of a player in clumsy fashion. Over it comes, headed out and then Zaha picks up in the box and Redmond does exactly the same thing again and runs into the back of him. Hundred percent nailed on penalty and there is no VAR review that’s going to save us from that even though it looks like Zaha has played for it. Sky stick a graphic up on the screen as Milivojević is about to take it, showing that he puts every single one the same side. Let’s hope that Fraser is aware of that. Up comes Milivojević..... and Fraser has obviously researched it because he goes that way and saves it comfortably. But we’re off to fucking VAR.

“Who’s there at Stockley Park?”
“It’s Simon Hooper mate”
“Where’s Mossy? – he does all the Southampton games”
“Couldn’t make it, this is a rearranged fixture, he had dinner booked”
“Fair enough mate – any problems with the save”
“Well… he’s off his line a bit”
“You sure – keeper is a big scary looking fucker, I’m not telling him”
“Front foot definitely off the line”
“Back foot?”
“Nah, that’s fine”
“Leave it then – what are the rules nowadays Hoops?”
“Fucked if I know Madders”

Going The Same Side Again? Really?

Right on half-time, Armstrong picks the ball up off of Eze, who has obviously been attending the Wilf Zaha diving school and as Redmond breaks towards the edge of the box, Ayew pulls him down cynically and it’s a free kick right on the edge of the D. Up steps JWP to hopefully make the Palace fans cry… and he curls it about a foot wide of his favourite corner. Guaita was absolutely nowhere.

Salisu is on for Bednarek as we start the second half and a minute or so in, we win a corner on the right. JWP picks out Armstrong again with a short one and his attempted shot takes it towards the back post. Stevo Carlos slides in and misses it but there’s Che Adams who bundles it into the net with the outside of his right boot from a ridiculous angle. Get in!

It can’t be going well for long, without us attempting to fuck it all up and Salisu knocks it back to Stevo Carlos and in true ‘Jannik versus Leicester’ fashion, he lets the ball go under his foot and Benteke is clean through but luckily, it’s the shit Benteke and he just smashes it wide or did Stevo Carlos recover.

We are still finding space in the Palace midfield with finding JWP in said space. All the armchair experts who don’t watch properly would then have been surprised to see JWP take out the Palace midfield with a lovely ball through to Adams who produced the same to Ings. A little toe poke later on it’s in the net and we are winning 3-1 and we might get a draw now. Superb goal. A brilliant finish and the substitution board with number 9 on it is up already before the ball has even hit the net. This man is a difference maker and we have to keep him.

On comes Adama Obafemi. I thought it was quite noticeable when he came on as a sub against Liverpool, that Michael has certainly been working on his top half whilst he was injured and now looks even more top-heavy than before.

In truth, not a lot happened in the last 15 minutes. We have settled for a 3-1 win and Palace have settled for a 3-1 defeat.  It gets a bit feisty when JWP snaps into a couple of tackles and Kouyate loses his shit for reasons unknown. The last few minutes is a celebration of Wilf Zaha as he once again loses his shit and starts mouthing off at JWP he just stands there and laughs at him. What else can you do with Wilf, he is genuinely funny.

Groundhog Day

Well that was a nice win and to cap it all, we played pretty well and it was a really decent game of football... entertaining no less. The lads did well, well most of them anyway.

If you want proof as to why Danny Ings is completely irreplaceable to a club like us then look at that first goal. He turns a very average cross into a goal with a combination of perceptive movement, a great first touch and an instinct as to what was required to put the ball in the net. He did all this without looking at the goal once. It’s brilliant and that’s before we get to the second goal which was a superbly timed run and a simple economical finish. It will be a sad day if he goes and a slightly fucking terrifying one as well. He once again proved that we should not sell in the summer regardless of the fact that he is coming into the last year of his contract. I’d rather lose him for nothing at the end of next season then to take a lowball offer from some twat like Daniel Levy.

With Ings being on fire, Che Adams ignited again and once again prove that he can score the difficult ones. How on earth he managed to manoeuvre that ball into the net from that angle, with his right foot, I still haven’t quite worked out. That was a brilliant finish and the pass through for Danny’s second goal was superbly weighted.

Elsewhere, JWP and Armstrong were superb in midfield, with JWP snapping into every tackle and getting under the skin of the Palace players as usual. They really have a problem with him and it really is quite pathetic. Wilfried Zaha was obviously trying to keep it under wraps and he didn’t react to JWP kicking him in the first half but when we got to the 85th minute it was just too much to bear and the toys came out the pram like the petulant little manbaby that he is. Armstrong just had too much energy and too much close control for Palace’s somewhat limited central midfield and constantly broke through and set our attacks going. You don’t get many players in central midfield who run with the ball as well as Armstrong does. It’s certainly an option if we find ourselves without Oriol Romeu again next season. On the wings, Nathan Redmond was the usual mixed bag of decent stuff, stupid fouls and a lack of willingness to take on the full back. It was the fouls today that did my head in. Three times today he just ran over the back of a Palace players legs and gave fouls away, the third of which being for the penalty that we gave away before half-time. It’s just fucking brainless. Sure, Zaha bought it but that’s not exactly a surprise is it?

Minamino did nothing to suggest he is ever going to be a success in the Premier League. Too lightweight, not quick enough and with not enough strength to hold off an opponent or a trick to beat a player. His passing is usually ok but not today and it’s amazing that he stayed on for 90 minutes. There are rumours that we pay less for his loan the more he plays and it’s performances like tonight to make you think of that might be true because he was crap. Liverpool had their pants pulled down there and they have passed some of that on to us. Think about it – we enquired about taking their 3^rd choice right back on loan, they said no and offered us someone they really didn’t want. 

Defensively, we were a bit mixed. Benteke‘s goal was garbage from about five players. Benteke wanted the ball more than all of them and surprise surprise, he ended up with a ball and smashed in the opening goal. Palace’s threat after that was somewhat limited with the main danger of course being the penalty we conceded and the freekick that was given against Vestergaard on the edge of the box when Zaha dived over fresh air. Fraser Forster‘s save from the Milivojević penalty was absolutely key to this game panning out the way did. It was quite amusing to see the graphic showing that he always put his penalty the same side and it really wasn’t much of a surprise when Fraser saved it.

It was good to see Mohammad Salisu get another 45 minutes in which he alternated between left-sided centre back and left back. It did slightly give me the shits with Jack Stephens marking Benteke when he switched to centre back but in the main he did ok, apart of course, from that one that he let roll under his foot and gave us all a heart-attack.

Palace were like they always are. Not fully committing to the Burnley way of playing but kind of half doing it, trying to get the ball to Zaha whenever possible but also not being shy of the big boom up to Benteke. They just seemed to be lacking in pace all about the park and it always felt like there was a lot more space than there usually is in Premier League games.

It was a good day for Ralph, with the end result being that we shot up three places in the league, proving that it was right to go with his perceived strongest side because every place is worth a shitload of money, especially when considered in the context of what our transfer budgets are likely to be in the summer.

Next up is another home game against already relegated Fulham which, should we get a positive result in that, will see us in with a shout of finishing possibly as high as 13th at the end of the season. The win today would’ve put a spring in everyone’s step again and with a fully fit Danny Ings, we can look forward to any game with a bit of optimism. Bring it on.

Up the fucking Saints.