Premier League Match 32 - Watford 1 Southampton 3

Do We Have to Buy Him?  Is There a Get Out Clause?

When we talk about coming face-to-face with former Saints managers, games against Pochettino at Spurs were right up there, as was the time when we played Koeman’s Everton. Who can also not forget the time we got humped at home by Claude Puel’s Leicester.  I don’t think anyone really thinks about Nigel Pearson as being one of our former managers before they think about Ostriches but he was manager at St Mary’s for a while and he did a job but I would now compare to the job Mark Hughes did in keeping us up one particular season with what was on the face of it, a quite unremarkable record over the last eight or so games. Whereas Hughes was given a three year contract, Pearson was given the boot by the returning Future friend of Farage Rupert Lowe and he replaced him with Jan Poortvliet, still comfortably the worst manager we’ve ever had despite some very stiff competition.

So much for history, today is Watford again Saints at Vicarage Road. We’ve done relatively well here over the last few years, with last year’s game being memorable for Shane Long scoring after seven seconds, then us dominating more or less the rest of the game without adding a second and then Watford grabbing a jammy equaliser in the last minute as per usual. Pearson took over halfway through the season from the sacked Quique Sanchez Flores who got the bullet for losing to Saints at St Marys.  Watford’s trigger happy owners had the new manager bounce which they would’ve been hoping for and Pearson is still the only manager in the Premier League to have won a game against Liverpool this season but they are still struggling, just a point above the relegation zone and are one of the teams in real danger if any of the bottom five could actually win a game.  In Ismaila Sarr and Troy Deeney they have forward players who are capable of causing us problems and they still have my old mate, the cheating fucker Doucoure in midfield and hopefully with no fans in the ground, the referee and linesman will be able to hear him slap the ball with his hand before it hits the net.

Though the Arsenal game on Thursday was quite depressing in the way we lost it, you have to remember that we are two different teams this season, home and away, chalk and cheese. Watford need to win this game so will be trying to come forward which will play in our hands.  Even with no fans in the stadium, it will take a very brave manager to sit deep in a home game and let the away team have all the possession, when the away team is only a couple of places above you on the table.  If I suggested that to Nigel Pearson, I’m sure he would call me an ostrich or some other sort of animal.

Ralph will be forced into changes after the Arsenal game with Jack Stephens suspended. I would anticipate there being no place with the two players was substituted at half time against Arsenal, namely Valery and Obafemi.   Hojbjerg picked up an injury at the end of the Arsenal game so there be a change there and it will be interesting to see if Danny Ings starts after playing two games in quick succession.

In the event, KWP, Vestergaard, Romeu, Long and Smallbone all started.  It all makes sense to be honest with Armstrong having disappeared in the 2^nd half on Thursday.  Watford look ok on paper by the central defenders Dawson and Cathcart are an obvious weakness.  Championship players for next season.  Watford have adorned their stadium with banners like everyone has and the notable ones are Graham ‘Do I Not Like That’ Taylor and Elton John.  Where’s fucking John Barnes for the half time singalong?

Away we go – The opening 10 minutes very scruffy with Saints laying down a marker to Watford‘s plans of getting the ball at Deeney as quickly as possible with Vestergaard and Bednarek winning headers and even if they’re not heading it away cleanly, we are picking up the second balls. There is a dangerous moment as Sarr gets to the line and pulls it back to no one on the edge of the penalty area but overall it’s a scrappy mess.

We are trying to play with KWP and Smallbone showing up well on the right hand side and the first sustained period of possession ends with Ings flicking a ball through to Shane Long which he drills straight at the goalkeeper. Decent move though.

Saints are getting into it now.  We know what we’re in for from Watford and 15 minutes have gone by.  Vestergaard knocks a ball into midfield to Smallbone who has come off the wing and he plays a simple pass to Ings.  His first touch took it past Cathcart, a second touch took it past Dawson before passing the ball into the far corner of the net giving Foster no chance at all. Brilliant goal.  So fucking good.

Watford reply by showing a basic lack of intelligence when they go forward.  Our centre half looks like Thor without a big hammer and he is 6 foot 7 and you keep raining balls down on top of him to head away. When we get the ball down we are looking really dangerous and some more incisive passing in the Watford half sees JWP make a run in front of the strikers, stay onside and latch on to a Romeu pass JWP really should do a little bit better than lifting it over Foster and high and wide.

Dawson is having a mare and lets the ball roll under his foot on the half way line to put Shane Long is away but he has just recovered from an injury so is not moving his quickest but Dawson clatters in anyway and get to deserved yellow card. The freekick is 35 yards out and Redmond tries one of those Ronaldo knuckleball efforts which go straight to the goalkeeper. There is another stoppage when Romeu goes up for a header with Sarr and you can tell straight away that Romeu has bust his nose and you can also tell straight away but it’s not gonna keep him off the pitch for very long.  Hard as fuck.

Another Watford long ball over the top down the right wing and it’s a foot race between Sarr and Bertrand. They both have hold of each other and for some reason, Sarr stops running. It’s gone to VAR but as they are both fouling each other then that is not going to get given so he can wag his finger at the referee all he likes. Play to the fucking whistle you child.

Half time and so far so good.  We look perfectly capable of scoring again and dare I say it, the defence has looked really good so far.  McCarthy has hardly touched the ball and there’s more of a safety first approach today.  KWP and Vestergaard have both had excellent games so far.

Pearson has obviously been threatening some people in the half time break as Watford come out much the better side.  With the pressure comes a few corner and shots from Hughes and Deeney well blocked by defenders who are perfectly happy to chuck themselves in the way.  We look very committed and no one is shirking responsibility.  There is nothing particularly scientific from Watford just getting the ball up there and trying to put some pressure on. Bertrand in particular is doing a great job on Sarr and the Watford danger man is squealing on the ground after one hard but fair tackle.

The first sub on 65 minutes seems Armstrong come on for Smallbone who had a decent first half but has understandably faded and hardly touched the ball in the second half. Armstrong’s arrival coincides with us suddenly getting on the ball and playing football again and when we do that, Watford are nowhere near us.

One feature since the league restarted has been the drinks break half way through both halves.  This gives the better managers chance to tweak things but forces everyone to concentrate upon the restart.  Danny Ings is concentrating, Ben Foster isn’t.

Foster, a goalkeeper known for his legendary time-wasting, tries to throw it out quickly to Masina at left back but Ings has read it and picks it off. He is 40 yards out but just heads straight towards the goaland takes on Dawson on the outside before smashing the ball past Foster into the far corner with the aid of a slight deflection and the King of the Scummers strikes again.

We’re at 80 minutes and Watford aren’t really creating much but do get the ball out of the left hand side to Holebas, who has just come on and he puts over a real bastard of a cross in between the defence and the goalkeeper and Bednarek has to do something but it would’ve been better if the thing he did wasn’t to get a touch and send it flying past the goalkeeper to make it 2-1.  Fuck.

Guess Where This is Going?

So how we react? We react by playing some lovely one touch stuff in their half before Romeu plays a ball into Adams who Dawson trashes on the edge of the box. If that’s not clear second yellow card and I don’t know what is but anyway, up steps JWP and from 20 yards and dead central, it’s over the wall and arrowing into the net before anyone can move. Another brilliant goal and 3-1 and this game is over.

It almost gets even better in the last couple of minutes as Adams bundles its way past the labouring Dawson and gets into the box and just when you think it’s going to be the perfect day and he gets his first goal, Foster manages to get something on it and it hits him and dribbles wide. From the resulting corner, Redmond picks up the ball on the edge of the box and takes aim at the far post but takes aim too well and hits it and it bounces about behind via the woodwork.  No matter, we’ll certainly settle for 3-1.

That was magnificent. No other word for it. We’ve had a few this year but that was a perfect away performance - pretty much spot on from first minute to last. Whereas in our last game against Arsenal, it was hard to pick a Man of the match because everyone was pretty ropey, today it’s difficult as there wasn’t a bad performance amongst the starting 11 and even the subs did well when they came on.

Like with the Norwich game, we could only beat what was in front of us and Watford weren’t very good. With Norwich though I felt that they were just genuinely bad but Watford have a little bit more about them but we made them look bad. Their tactic of hitting Deeney early just didn’t work and our relentless pressing of that back four meant that the balls up to him we are pretty aimless and it has to be said, Vestergaard and Bednarek were magnificent in heading everything away. If we didn’t manage to get it away cleanly then we won the 2^nd balls, apart from in a small period just after half-time. The threat of Sarr on the right wing was nullified in a good old-fashioned way by Bertrand who stuck to his task and gave him a couple of digs and after that, he didn’t really want to know. Pereyra, who has a decent goalscoring record for a wide man was totally nullified by the excellent KWP. It’s the sort of performance that changes your perception of certain players and after that, I came away thinking that KWP may be worth buying after all. Whether that will be possible, given that it is Spurs and Daniel Levy, I don’t know.

Bertie Takes Sarr to School

The enforced changes worked out a treat. Vestergaard as already said, was superb in the fight against Deeney and won a massive percentage of the balls in the air. Romeu in midfield gave us more bite and brought a simplicity to the game that was is really useful against opponents like Watford.  After the initial 10 minutes of getting used to playing again, he also moved the ball quickly and well, which is what he’s going to have to do to be a regular in Ralph’s midfield.  I also thought it was interesting to see JWP making more forward runs than usual today, which he could do because of the insurance of Romeu, busted nose and all, behind him.

What can you say about Danny Ings?  He was absolutely fabulous and it’s looking like the fittest player in the league and there was me wondering if he would be able to handle three games in a relatively short space of time. The first goal was brilliant even though he was aided and abetted by the ponderous Watford central defenders Dawson and Cathcart.  Cathcart is more like Horse and Cart.  Danny‘s second goal was being described as a gift. He has read the goalkeepers throw out but he is still about 40 yards from goal when he picks the ball up so how is that a gift? He still got a hell of a lot to do and he did it superbly and absolutely buried it.

The third goal, coming when it did just after we’ve managed to help Watford by sticking it in our net, was the icing on the cake and a superb freekick by JWP.  It would have been great if Che Adams could’ve got a goal at the end but he’ll just have to be content in putting in his most effective Premier League performance so far.

We can definitely talk about the relegation battle now in the context of us having absolutely nothing to do with it. Apart from Norwich, I still see Bournemouth and Villa being the two teams that will go down as well.  I would happily swap either of those for West Ham – that would make my year.  Watford have three winable fixtures including a game against Norwich so they should still have enough to stay up this season.  The biggest disappointment in Watford today was that Nigel Pearson didn’t lose his shit in the press conference and call anybody an ostrich or an aardvark or a water buffalo or anything else. An opportunity missed.

Watching the game on Sky today was less painful that last time out. Alan Smith was again in the commentary chair but as Arsenal weren’t playing, he wasn’t too bad. In the studio, the superstar pundits of the top six have been given a rest so it was Matt Murray, the ex-Wolves goalkeeper and Chris Iwelumo, who used to play for Watford. I thought both of them were absolutely excellent summarisers, in particular Iwelumo who managed to see through the fact that he clearly wanted Watford to win, to give Saints the credit that they merited.

On, on, on and our next game is at home. Fuck it.  Oh and it’s against Manchester City as well, fuck it again. It will be interesting to see whether we do our usual and line up with five defenders and four midfielders and just defend the end of our own penalty area or whether we try and be expansive a bit at least and try and find a way of threatening the opponents goal in home games. For now though, I don’t care and it is a free hit.

Premier League Match 31 - Southampton 0 Arsenal 2

Alex Kicks the Ball Very Hard - Shame He Didn't Earlier

An empty St Mary’s for the first time as we take on Arsenal.

Due to the fact that Arsenal are used to playing in front of complete silence, you would’ve been expected them to be one of the teams that adapted well to having no fans on the ground but the opposite has been true. They didn’t put up much of a battle and defeat against Manchester City and suffered another loss to Brighton conceding two late goals.

This was all too much the Matteo Guendouzi who completely lost his shit and tried to throttle a Brighton player after the final whistle. This was missed by the referee but picked up by VAR.  So, VAR did its job and identified the thing that the referee missed but the powers that be let everybody down by being complete wankers and letting Guendouzi off. Consequently, he will be playing against us tonight. It also emerged that he had been bragging about how much he earned to a Brighton player. Arsenal fans seem to have taken this as shithousery that they can get behind but in any walk of life, when you try and score points based on how much you earn, it just makes you look like a colossal fucking twat.

The incident that ignited everybody in that game was the nothing sort of challenge by Brighton forward Maupay against Bernt Leno which unfortunately, ended Leno’s season with a knee injury picked up as he landed awkwardly. He joins an ever-growing Arsenal injury list but we shouldn’t feel sorry for them at all as they are after all, one of the big clubs with the most money. When they list the number of players that they’ve got missing, it is worth remembering that some of them actually aren’t very good like Sokratis and Chambers.  Also injured in the City game was Granit Xhaka who was the player that everybody with an Arsenal persuasion wanted to die about a year ago.   You can’t mention Arsenal these days without mentioning Arsenal Fan TV. It was quite good a while ago but as they have now become a bit of an also-ran club, it’s just demonstrated the entitlement that their fans seem to have. Mind you, I can’t imagine many right-thinking Arsenal fans would say that that lot truly reflect their views.

Arsenal have been a wonderful club over the years and have had some amazing players that I have enjoyed watching as a fan of an opposition club. The likes of Wright, Bergkamp, Adams, Van Persie, Overmars, Henry, Petit, Vieira… there are fucking loads of them. The current squad, with the exception of Aubameyang, is pretty average though it’s still a major scalp if you can get anything of them. Gone are the days when you knew what Arsenal starting line-up was going to be and you knew everything about every player. They are a real crossroads at the moment trying to bring in, in my opinion, too many youngsters at the same time and none of them look quite good enough, yet to be in a side that is going to be challenging at the top of the league and that their supporters expect to be challenging at the top of the league.

Saints are going to this game in good shape with Shane Long having recovered from his knock that kept him out of the Norwich game. We have to avoid getting carried away because after all, it was only Norwich, no matter how good we looked in that game. Arsenal are there for the taking at the moment so if we start the game well and keep the foot on the gas throughout and most importantly, don’t give them any encouragement or gifts, we should be okay but there is always the threat that Aubameyang and on their day, Lacazette and Pepe pose.

The teams are announced and we are completely unchanged from Norwich, which is not altogether a surprise. There’s a couple of changes on the bench with Shane Long coming in for Sofiane Boufal who is inhjured and Kevin Danso making way for Sam Vokins.  In the event, it looks like Arteta has decided that Guendouzi is a prick and shouldn’t play anyway because he’s left out of the 18 altogether. There are potential weak links all over the Arsenal side with Martinez in goal, Mustafi and Holding at centre back and a midfield consisting of Xhaka, the underwhelming Ceballos and the promising youngster Saka. Upfront, Pepe and Aubameyang are joined by Nketiah, who was on loan at Leeds at the start of the season in but has a good reputation and is lightning quick. Come on lads, we can fucking beat these.

We start well and a cross from Bertrand causes a bit of concern in the Arsenal defence as Ings takes a swing  but they get it clear.  Arsenal have lined up with Aubameyang on the left and the intention is clear – attack that side as everyone knows it’s our weakness.  Not our only weakness but our biggest one.  Down the left they go with Saka playing a 1-2 with Aubameyang and crossing for Nketiah to tap in but the flag is us. It’s a long way offside but alarming how easy it was for them to play through that channel.

On 10 minutes, a long ball from Tierney down the left catches Stephens asleep and Aubameyang bears down on goal, cuts inside and hits it over McCarthy and we get lucky as it hits the bar and bounces out.  So, so, easy.  Aubameyang is clever and takes up good positions but Stephens has either got to go with him or get Valery to do it – not stand in no mans land.

Ur plan as ever is to win the ball in their half and Bertrand does that and finds Hojbjerg.  Hojbjerg can go forwards as he’s unmarked but he doesn’t, he just plays it back to Bednarek, back to Hojbjerg again and again he just plays straight backwards to the centre half with no thought of going forward and Bednarek knocks it back to McCarthy.  McCarthy has the choice of right or left as Bednarek has made an angle one way and Stephens the other.  Straight on is not on as Nketiah is there…. I said STRAIGHT ON IS NOT ON!!! Fucking hell, straight to him and he walks it into the net for 1-0 and 30,000 empty seats groan in unison.

As tends to happen when you concede such a monumentally shit goal, it knocks the stuffing out of the side a bit and we kind of sleepwalk to half time.  We create one opening as Stephens’ straight ball is brilliantly controlled by Ings and Bertrand’s cross is just too far ahead of the lunging Armstrong.

Half time - Well that was shit.  I mean, it would be 0-0 but for the catastrophic fuck up by McCarthy but it would still be shit.  We’ve not forced their keeper intoa  save and it’s been so easy for Arsenal to defend against us and they’re dictating the pace of the game.  At the very minimum we have to get Obafemi off as he is adding nothing at all.  Guy looks like someone’s dug two holes in the ground and planted his feet in them.

KWP and Long are on for the no doubt relieved Valery and Obafemi and KWP’s first involvement is to be on the wrong end of a shit challenge from Saka which catches him exactly where you don’t want to be caught.  Yellow card for Saka but why no review as to it being a potential red?  It’s miles off the ground and dangerous so why no review?  More understandable was no mention of it on Arsenal Fan Sky Sports TV from Alan Smith.

One lesson we have not heeded from the first half is the long ball to Aubameyang on the left.  Goalkeeper Martinez this time and again Stephens is in no mans land and no one is marking one of the best forwards in the Premier League and only a superb intervention by the sliding Bednarek stops Aubameyang’s pass reaching Nketiah in the middle.

We are playing better since half time , without particularly looking like scoring.  A JWP cross is flicked on by an Arsenal player to Redmond at the back post and he crashes it into the side netting.  Should do better really and it’s missed the near post by quite a way, again not forcing a save from the keeper.  We do eventually force Martinez to earn his money as a good ball from Stephens finds Long who has peeled off of Mustafi.  Shane controls well and hits it across Martinez who makes a really good block and gets to the rebound before Armstrong.

Arsenal are suddenly not doing much in attack and I have the feeling that if we get one and then we can go on and win this.  All that is extinguished though as Grejbjoh is needless playing the wrong fucking way again and plays a monumentally shit pass behind Stephens to Aubameyang.  Stephens slides in, misses the ball and over he goes.  To be fair to the striker, he’s up and wanting to go on but the ref’s already blown and off goes Jack.

Taking on for the team to prevent a goal didn’t work out to well for us as Lacazette’s initial shit free kick cames back to him and he hammers it goalwards, McCarthy parries and Willock taps in to kill us off if we weren’t dead already.  There’s 10 to go but we do nothing.  Vestergaard and Romeu come on to give them a few minutes practice for playing against Watford as Grejbjoh hobbles off, backwards, probably.

Well that was fucking dreadful. If I hear one more twat blame the fans for us having a crap home record.... let’s get this right, Arsenal were bang average and we have absolutely no fucking idea of how to attack a team at home that doesn’t push up to the halfway line.   Back and across, back and across, full back, cross, cleared…. Change the fucking record.  Even with defenders as limited as Holding and Mustafi, we created next to nothing in 90 minutes.   The lack of a Plan B is something Ralph is really going to have to sort out.  Trying to play high-pressing game in that heat was always going to be difficult but we looked leggy and completely and utterly clueless. Plan A doesn’t work so what else have we got? Nothing.

To be fair, the second half was much better and we did at least create a few chances but I never really felt that we put the very average Arsenal defence under much pressure and the lack of movement in the front third meant that for most of the game, Arsenal could just keep us in front of them without too much danger.  Ings tries to make things happen constantly but Obafemi just chases situations and today, Obafemi could barely raise a jog.

Of course we were playing Arsenal at a good time, when they were fragile in confidence so the game plan should have included not giving them any freebies and making it as difficult as we could for them. There is no explanation or excuse for what McCarthy did. He had a go at getting caught just before that but that mistake is just fucking horrific. As was said last week with Valery, just put your fucking foot through it.  Your job is to stop them scoring – that’s it.  If it’s 70 yards away, they’re not scoring, fuck it up 20 yards out and they are.

Having gifted them a goal, we allowed Arsenal to play at whatever pace they wanted to play at and it was a very comfortable, routine win for them, capped off with another fucking horrendous mistake, this time from Grejbjoh who played the ball behind Stephens and after he trashed Aubameyang, there was only ever going to be one result.

There is a lot about the second goal which sums up our troubles at home. With 10 minutes to go and 1-0 down, why was Grejbjoh even looking to pass backwards at that point? Our midfielders have to pass it backwards half the time because there is very little movement in front of them and they don’t have the pace or ability to take a player on themselves.  Grejbjoh turns and plays a shit pass and totally saws off Stephens who takes the red card for the team, only we didn’t get away with it because the free-kick ended up in our net eventually anyway.

So many players were average today. It’s really hard to pick a man of the match for us because you just picking someone who wasn’t bad rather than picking anyone who was any good. The centre backs were dodgy with Stephens in particular being half asleep. JWP did alright in midfield but Grejbjoh seemed to spend the whole game facing the wrong way, capped off with a red card he got for Stephens. Ings worked hard upfront but the little reward and KWP showed that he should definitely be starting as Valery struggled again.  In defence of Valery though and in hindsight, playing him against Aubameyang and Saka on that wing was a bit like going to a gun fight and all you’ve got is pea-shooter.  Hindsight is 20/20 but it’s a bit of a mystery why KWP didn’t start. We need to see if he can handle it by the end of the season and so to come up against Aubameyang would’ve been a perfect way to judge. Instead, all that happened was that Valery’s confidence got torn to shreds again.  KWP did ok in the 2^nd half.

I don’t have a Sky Sports subscription anymore so I took advantage of the pass that was given to me by the club, which I thought was a nice gesture at the time. Thanks everyone. Aside from a shit performance, I got to listen to the great and the good of Sky, namely Alan Smith, wanking off about Arsenal for the entire 95 minutes. Afterwards, back in the studio we had to listen to Sol Campbell. Was Jamie Redknapp supposed to be providing the Saints representation as he played for us for about half an hour? Don’t Benali and Le Tissier work for Sky? Surely it wouldn’t have been too much to ask to get one of those in there just for balance.

I would however like to commend Arteta for the way he handled the Guendouzi situation. He is basically left him out for being a prick which has told him but he’s not so good that he gets picked no matter what. Winning the game as well also means that he can go to my training and say I told you so.  Fair play, good management.  As for Ralph – he didn’t have a good day.  Another day of beating his head against the wall and wondering why it hurts.  Not his fault that we made two horrific individual mistakes for the goals but another game where we are no nearer to solving the issues we have with breaking down teams who defend deep at St.Marys.

The Watford game coming up this weekend has now become more interesting because Watford lost tonight against Burnley and so are still down amongst the dead men. I would anticipate at least four changes to our team with Vestergaard certain to play and Romeu, KWP and Long also likely to start. Watford will be nervous and will certainly be seeing this as a game they can win. Once again it’s up to us not to fucking give them anything and to play with the freedom that we usually play with away from home.

So we are still no closer to solving the mystery of why we are shit at St Mary’s. At least we know now that it’s not the fans fault.

Premier League Match 30 - Norwich 0 Southampton 3

Oh Yes We're Back.

A trip to an empty Carrow Road for the first game of Project Money-Grab, to play the team currently sitting in last in Premier league.  I heard it said by clueless people, that they were the best team ever to have been bottom of the table. What a load of horse shit, said by people who in the next breath say that this is the worst standard Premier League of all time…. Can’t have it both ways.  We even beat them at St Mary’s for fuck sake and everyone beats us there. I remember thinking that Norwich were the perfect team for us to play – incapable of being defensively disciplined for 90 minutes, not a lot of physical presence up front and being fairly open. I feel that today is more about how we play, rather than how they play.  If we match their work rate, then the quality should show.

Think of Norwich and what do you think of? Personally, I think of Alan Partridge and Grant Holt for some reason. During our ascent of the leagues when we were competing with Norwich who made the same journey as us.  Grant Holt was their talismanic striker in the same way that Sir Rickie Lambert was ours. Whilst Rickie lost weight to play his best football, Grant Holt remained a big fat bastard but he was effective for a short period of time.

I also remember Grant Holt falling over another guy who had a few weight issues as well (and still does) in Luke Shaw and he won a penalty off of Mark Twattenberg at Carrow Road.  Holt missed the resulting penalty and we got a draw out of the game but I didn’t stop Mauricio Pochettino marching across the pitch to have words with Twattenberg after the game. Oh how I hated Mark Twattenberg but in the eyes of many, he was a decent referee who got selected to go to international tournaments, unlike any of the arseholes we’ve got refereeing games at the moment. Today it’s Kevin Friend – oh deep joy.

Of course, Norwich have the legendary Delia Smith and “lets be ‘avin you” when pissed as a fart and all that stuff. Norwich have left themselves a mountain to climb if they want to not get relegated at the end of their first season back in the Premier League and this is a game that they must surely win to have any chance as banking on Coronavirus getting the league voided, didn’t work.  They have taken a few scalps at home but I see them as a bit of a soft touch and we should be confident about getting a result from this game, strange conditions or not.

Norwich don’t have Grant Holt any more but they do have Teemu Pukki who for a while looked like he was going to keep them up single-handedly but his goal return has dried up and we could do with that remaining the case today. Todd Cantwell and Emiliano Buendia have chipped in with a few goals from midfield but just not enough and defensively, fuck me, they still have Grant Hanley in the team. I’m sure there are League 1 sides that he would struggle to get in. Tim Krul is in goal and he has always been decent and I like the look of Max Aarons at right back.  We kicked Cantwell all around the pitch at St.Mary’s and he didn’t react well to it so it’ll be interesting to see if that tactic is used again.

All we have to gauge Saints on is a friendly against Bristol City at St Mary‘s which consisted of three 45 minutes “halves”. Overall, it was as you’d expect with us looking pretty good up front and forcing mistakes in the Bristol City defence but then us throwing in a couple of crap goals to keep them in it. Not that the result is important but we won 3-2 with two early goals from Stuart Armstrong and one from Danny Ings. As for pointers towards the starting line-up, it was interesting to see Michael Obafemi upfront with Ings with Shane Long out injured. Slightly worryingly, Pierre Hojbjerg started at right back so it will be interesting to see who wins the lucky dip to play there against Norwich. With Pierre a right back, Will Smallbone played in midfield and looked very good indeed going forward. I feel that whilst we may get away with him playing at home games and he may provide some good ammunition from strikers in tight games, I am worried that he’s just going to get bullied in away games. The other interesting point also concerned Pierre and that he was not captain, given his contract situation and so JWP deservedly was given the armband.

To the game and the Pick Channel – I have decided on having piped in crowd noise so let’s go.   Our line-up is a solid choice with Hojbjerg in midfield and Valery winning today’s right back tombola.  Michael Obafemi is preferred to Che Adams up front.  Our two extra bench spots are taken by Kevin Danso who is clearly just seeing out his time here and Nathan Tella, who has always looked like a very positive presence in the age group teams.

Before we get going there is a minutes silence for the Covid victims and then we had the taking of the knee by all players for the Black Lives Matter initiative. Incredibly powerful stuff all round.... and if you don’t like football using its platform for this, then I suggest you go elsewhere and worship at the altar of Donald Trump, Nigel Farage and Katie Hopkins (to name but three)

Away we go and Norwich are on the front foot and they really look like they want it, as you would expect and we are all over the place. We all know that Valery is going to be a weak link at right back and you just hope he starts the game solidly but he doesn’t and ends up giving the ball away, forcing Armstrong to wrestle Pukki down and give away free kick on the edge of the box.  Kevin Friend really should have booked him for that.  Over it comes from Buendia, Valery flicks it on like a boss and it drops in the box and Danny Ings produces a brilliant bit defensive work to prevent Trybull scoring at the back post. Another three corners follow in succession which we defend in not-too-convincing fashion before we finally get in their half.

We make the first really decent chance though as JWP switches the ball out to Armstrong who is on the left. He takes a touch past the defender before clipping across into the middle, where Ings throws himself at it and it either comes off of Danny’s head or off of the Norwich defender but Krul has to change direction smartly to drop on it on the line.

Norwich are going to give us chances and there is absolutely no question about it. They are trying to play the ball out of defence against our high press but they in no way have the ability to do this so we keep winning the ball back near their goal. The only frustration is that we haven’t done anything with it but the tide is certainly turning and we are now looking the better side. Ings steals the ball on the halfway line and sets off towards goal and it takes a last-ditch tackles by Aarons which sees the ball loop up fortunately for Norwich, to their goalkeeper.

Valery is having a fucking nightmare in defence for us and he continues this by shielding a ball out perfectly and conceding a corner. For fuck‘s sake.  At the other end of the pitch he’s doing okay and his persistence wins a corner. JWP has obviously been working on variations on the training ground as he pulls it back to the penalty spot where it’s met first time by Armstrong who connects well and the ball flies through a ruck of players but Krul gets down well to make a decent save.

Norwich try to play out of defence with a ball up to Pukki’s feet Jack Stephens nips into win it and turns into Franz Beckenbauer, slaloming his way up the pitch and it all opens up on the edge of the box and you think he’s going to shoot but he slides it left to Danny Ings who gives the keeper the eyes but manages to hit the crossbar right next to the near post. In all truth, it’s a bad miss and Stephens will be thinking that he should’ve hit it himself.  Great play by Jack though.

We look like the only team this likely to get a goal but frustratingly, the final pass or cross always goes astray.  Half time and we really have to be in these as they are absolutely shit. All we need is just to be a little bit more clinical and this game is absolutely there for the taking.

Two minutes into the second half and all is well with the world, football is back and we love it, regardless of fans in the ground or not…. because we’ve scored.  It starts with a throw in by Bertrand, Obafemi and Redmond compete for the ball well and Armstrong gets a slightly fortunate poke on the ball through to Danny Ings right foot on the edge of the box and he absolutely does the rest, curling/smashing it past Krul who has no chance at all and into the far side of the net to make it 1-0. The King of the Scummers is alive and well.

What have Norwich got? – not a lot as five minutes later we break out a defence with Redmond carrying it forward before finding Ings. A pass to the right to Armstrong who bundles past three half-arsed non-challenges before hitting it left footed low into the bottom corner of the net. 2-0 and two goals in eight minutes at the start of the second half and that really should be enough.

Saints can now continue with a game plan of sitting deep and allowing Norwich to attack, which they are not capable of doing and then we can play on the break. We give away a corner after a Bednarek mistake which he makes up for and then the plan to play on the break really should work as Redmond sends Obafemi away and he is one-on-one with the last defender but he dithers instead of passing it square to Armstrong and though the ball does eventually deflect to JWP, his effort is comfortably cleared from in front of the goal.

The first substitution happens on the hour mark with Norwich deciding that wearing both a hairband and an alice band is too much when you’re putting in zero effort and losing 2-0 and so Cantwell is off. We didn’t even have to kick him to bits for him to be rubbish this time.

We are playing superbly at the moment and knocking the ball around brilliantly around the edge in Norwich is box with JWP having another shot blocked at the end of the six or seven man passing move.  Our only danger is from our own right back as he again fails to clear a long clearance which results in Norwich picking up the ball and Pukki gets the shot away from the penalty spot which is superbly blocked by Bednarek.   From the resulting corner, Norwich do actually get the ball in the net but it’s a very very obvious offside.

As long as we keep the ball away from our right back then we are doing fine with another flowing move coming soon after starting off with Armstrong on the left hand side, multiple passes out to the right and then back to Armstrong in the middle and he dug out a shot from under his feet which had Krul scrambling away to give us another corner.

It’s another chance a moment later as JWP clips of all down the left and Obafemi is away and onside, played on by Norwich defender in the middle who is about 20 yards behind everybody else. It’s a 2v1 break but Obafemi again completely butchers it by not getting his head up and playing in Danny Ings for what would’ve been a simple goal.   Ings such a lovely bloke he just smiles about it. I would’ve been going absolutely fucking mental.

Just a couple of minutes later and Michael gets another chance as we break away down the right and this time he gets his head up picks up Redmond, who waltzes around the last defender and plants it into the far corner for 3-0.  It’s remarkable what happens when you pass the ball.

For the last 10 minutes, Ralph goes substitution mad with first Smallbone and Adams on for Armstrong and Obafemi. Next up a debut for Nathan Tella who comes on for Ings and with just a couple to go, Boufal and KWP come on for Redmond and Valery.  Of the subs, Adams looked more lively than usual and Tella showed that he wasn;t afraid to put himself about and he had a half chance just before the final whistle but didn’t get hold of it.

Nice one.  A completely deserved win and the only mystery is how we didn’t win by more.  We can have absolutely no complaints though, given the strange situation that the players find themselves in and the rustiness they must have had. They went out there and they beat what was in front of them, which is all you can do.   What was in front of them was absolutely fucking crap. If I was in Norwich fan, I would probably be inbred but I would also be absolutely furious.  It’s fine for a team not to be good enough but it’s not fine to have had three months thinking about it, to then come out and not look like the team who had the most to play for given their situation. They did alright for the first 10 minutes which was more down to us being poor than them doing anything spectacular but after that they were absolutely abysmal.  Todd Cantwell looked like My Little Pony with his alice band and hairband set.  If you look like that and you don’t want to get rinsed for it then you really have to be a special player.  Daniel Farke had the look of a condemned man at the end - actually he had the look of a retired porn star like he usually does.

Daniel Farke - "We're fucked"

One comment that I made when Ralph signed a new contract and we were talking about our somewhat traditional piss poor start to the season, was that at least we had the same manager going into this new season so there should be no continuity issue.  Boy did it show. The players looked fit and very well prepared and everyone knew exactly what they were doing.  Ralph and the staff must take huge credit for this. Leading the way with a central midfield pair of JWP and Hojbjerg. Many fans have written Hojbjerg off because after all, he hasn’t signed a new contract yet so he is therefore the antichrist and everything he does is absolute shit.  Newsflash - he is a very good player and deserves more respect and we’ll have a tough job finding a replacement if/when he goes. The pair of them absolutely bossed the centre of the park today and JWP might’ve worn the armband but we had two captains in there.  

Elsewhere, Armstrong started dreadfully but played a major part in the first two goals and was great in the second half and likewise, Redmond had a quiet first half before terrorising Norwich in the second. Up front, Danny Ings looked as sharp as if he’d never been away, scoring one and he would’ve had another one had Michael Obafemi got his head up.  Obafemi did some really good things upfront but his decision-making was shocking, butchering two easy goals before finally getting it right on the third attempt.  It’s perfectly ok for someone else to score.  He is young as he will learn and the minutes he will get in the remaining games will help him.  At the moment he’s a bit like a young Shane Long – all pace and not a lot of brain, chasing things after the fact rather than making intelligent runs.

In defence, the three players who you knew were going to be solid, were solid and Valery did okay going forward but was an absolute fucking nightmare every time the ball went near him in a defensive capacity. Kyle Walker-Peters must be fucking dreadful in training or we have already decided that we are not going to buy him.

Overall, it was a perfect first game back for Saints which all but dispels any lingering doubt about our ability to stay in this division for next season. Norwich, if they weren’t anyway, are completely fucked.  As for the experience of watching a game on TV without fans being in the stadium. I went to the crowd noise on option as I said and overall, it was decent. It helps that we won of course but I think I can live with this for the rest of the season.

Next up is Arsenal at home which is, given their post-restart performances so far in defeats against Manchester City and Brighton, a decent opportunity for three points. We can certainly approach it with no fear after today’s result. Bring it on.

And We're Back....

"Hey Les, Let's Leave This Semmens Guy With a Load of Shit to Sort Out"

And we’re back in the room.

The room in question is of course, the room with the television in it as all match going fans are to become what they loathe... an armchair supporter.

I’m in the camp that thinks it’s too soon to be starting but starting we are, so we have to make the best of it. Football without fans is nothing. This is a phrase that you will have heard many times before and it is very true but sadly, the game has been inexorably moving away from the fans since 1992. We can’t have football how we want it, which is to have fans in the stadium, so we have the choice of matches behind close doors or nothing at all. The financial implications of not playing mean that we were always going to get these ‘ghost’ games if it was at all possible and our old friends the Germans, have proved that it is possible. I’ve watched a couple of games in the Bundesliga and they have been largely very dull and soulless experiences but to be honest, I find any game of football that I don’t have a vested interest, a difficult thing to watch. Fans in the ground would help in that regard I guess but I would still not be that interested.

The reason for that is that wouldn’t necessarily consider myself to be a football lover any more. I love my club and everything to do with Southampton FC but I couldn’t give a rats arse about any other club or in particular, the Premier League brand. The fact is, that when I am watching any of these ghost games involving Saints on TV, like I have watched countless other games involving Saints on TV, I will be shouting and screaming at the telly and I will be going nuts when we score and knocking beer over and I will be swearing very loudly at the referee in exactly the same way as I would be when there was a crowd in the stadium. It’s Southampton FC and we are back, so let’s make the most of it. So, where we before we went away?

Before everything ground to a halt we had been making very hard work of getting over the line regarding being safe for next season. We are currently seven points above the relegation zone and whilst the bottom six are considered to be the clubs in danger, we are next in line and with nine games left, it wouldn’t be beyond the realms of possibility for Saints to make a spectacular late bid for relegation. In fact, with the season being as messed up as it is, it would be a typically Saints thing to do. Those within the club are talking about winning the last nine games and catapulting ourselves up the league but I guarantee you, all they really care about is winning the two games that will make us safe for next season.

We have no idea how playing behind closed doors will affect us, as opposed to any other club. I guess there may be a bigger likelihood of surprise results and I’ll be interested to see how the referees react to not having 60,000 home fans influencing their decisions at the big grounds. A lot of people seem to have jumped on the very lazy bandwagon that having no fans at St Mary’s will somehow help us, the logic being that the fans or somehow at fault for us being crap at home and the players feel under pressure to perform. I am completely calling bullshit on that one.

We can’t win home games because of the way the team is set up and the players we have. We can only play one way and our attacking threat totally relies on having space for the likes of Shane Long and Nathan Redmond to run into. Team sit deep when they come to St Mary‘s and we generally, do not have a clue. We don’t have the clever quick incisive passing to pick our way through deep set teams and we don’t have the option to go over the top. We have been generally, pretty awful at home ever since Ronald Koeman left 4 years ago and in my view, this is down mainly to not having a traditional big number nine target man which we have tried to do without since Graziano Pelle left. I’m sure that you don’t necessarily need a Pelle or Lambert type striker but we have had four successive managers who are yet to unlock a way of Saints being any good at their home ground.

People keep going on about the new normal but the second that things started to gather pace regarding the Premier League starting up again, the new normal became very much like the old fucking normal with Pierre Hojbjerg ill-advisedly liking a tweet that was touting him for a move to Tottenham. I can’t be bothered to get annoyed about it anymore as it seems that he’s likely to be off at the end of the season, whenever that may be – it’s not a foregone conclusion but it is the most likely outcome. Ralph sounds like he has reached the same conclusion, basically saying that it is unlikely that you can be the club captain and be in the last year of your contract. Martin Semmens joined in this debate as well basically saying that whilst Pierre’s attitude remains excellent, he sees himself at a higher level. To be honest, that is absolutely fair enough. As long as his commitment is 100% towards Saints whilst he is here, then I really have no problem with him. Whether any fan thinks he’s good enough to get the big move that he wants, is irrelevant really. I feel that there will be a cut-off point, depending on when transfer windows are and he will sign a new contract with us if the big move doesn’t materialise.

It was good news with Ralph Hasenhuttl committing to a four-year contract. On the one hand this is great news for the club because it gives us and him a bit of stability and you would think that he wouldn’t sign it unless there was some sort of undertaking from the owners to providing with the finance to improve the squad and do more than just tread water which is basically what we’ve done this season. On the other hand, if someone is offering me approximately £24 million quid for four years work and I knew that I’m going to get paid that even if I’m crap and get sacked after six months, then I’m hardly going to turn it down.

I do however like the sound of the iBook (or whatever the hell it’s called) that Ralph has been working on to give a blueprint for how the teams at all levels of the club should play. This will give us a clear philosophy going forward. Lack of a clear philosophy is what is always a problem when managers’ change and they bring their own philosophies and sign a load of players who don’t fit when the next manager invariably rolls around. We allegedly had this in the early days of Les Reed but we allowed Claude Puel in particular, to do his own thing and that was the start of the struggle.

Also signing a new contract is Shane Long and based on his performances this year, it is well deserved. Two years seems the right amount of time for a player who will be 35 at the end of it and relies on his pace. I do wonder if we would’ve been so keen to offer him a new contract if Che Adams had not been such a monumental flop so far? We all love Shane for his work ethic and we all know that he is somewhat limited. In an attacking sense, he’s great when the opponents leave a bit of space in behind but not great when they defend deep, which brings us back to the earlier point about our attacking struggles at home over the last four years.  As far as pressing defenders is concerned though, he is excellent and that’s one of Ralph’s big requirements.

Now the Shane Long contract is sorted, attention will move towards the players who have one year left and rumour has it that both Ryan Bertrand and Oriol Romeu will be offered new deals. Pre-coronavirus, I expected Ryan Bertrand see out the last year of his contract and leave on a free but I have renewed hope that he will sign another deal. I guess Oriol’s situation will be informed by whether Hojbjerg stays or not. Losing both of them at the same time wouldn’t be good.

Martin Semmens and Ralph have some serious work to do for the next few months regarding the contract situation of all the players whose deals expire at the end of 2022.  It’s a long list including McCarthy, Stephens, Bednarek, Armstrong, JWP and Danny Ings from the current 1^st team squad.

It has, on the face of it, been a decent start by Semmens to be fair. One deal which is looking more inspired / hilarious by the minute is the £5 million that he managed to get for Cedric back in January as it now appears he is going to leave Arsenal on June 30, without even having played a game. Whilst that is not entirely Cedric’s fault, it is amusing that his main contribution to Arsenal has been on social media for it seems like every day has been “Cedric in an Arsenal shirt” day. It just adds to the overall impression of him being a bit of a bell end and it makes that deal, from Arsenal’s point of view, seem even more ridiculous as they’ve basically just handed us £5 million quid for nothing.  However, the Cedric deal would be eclipsed if Semmens manages to get £26 million for Vestergaard as has been rumoured.  Pull that one off and we should build him a statue next to Ted.

The first batch of fixtures have been published and we are starting where we left off with a trip to Norwich, then a home game against Arsenal before a trip to Watford. The Norwich and Watford games are both on the free to air Sky Pick channel, which I have never heard of until now. The Arsenal game is on the usual Sky subscription channel which I guess, the club will provide some sort of access to for season ticket holders.

As Project Restart was taking shape (why not call it Project Money Grab – much more accurate) and all the teams down the bottom, especially Brighton and Villa, were objecting to restarting and citing integrity issues. It has always made me laugh whenever anyone has talked about the integrity of the competition.  The competition doesn’t have much integrity at the best of times as far as being fair is concerned but now we’re getting a rule change half way through.   This may sound ridiculous but one thing that is fair in the Premier League is that both teams have 11 players and whilst that’s still the case, we have a rule change to allow nine players on the bench and you can make up to 5 substitutions. Who is that going to benefit exactly? Yes, the big clubs with the big squads who will now have a choice of 20 superstars to choose from whilst the rest of us will have to make do with an extra couple of youth team players on the bench. I was actually quite disappointed that Saints weren’t one of the clubs that objected to it.

To me, this is a completely unnecessary rule change and can go in the bin along with the shambles in the FA Cup this season whereby different games in the same competition have different rules with some having VAR and some not. Mind you, that is a different level shambles when you can have the first game played with VAR and a replay played without it.  Different rules have of course been applied to League 1 & 2 which have been ended and ‘points per game’ used to decide the final tables.  Meanwhile, the Championship and the Premier League are playing on.  Integrity… fuck off.  Money, money , money.

Anyway – we’re back and it’ll make life more interesting for the next few weeks.  Liverpool will win the league and it won’t hurt because it’s been in the bag for so long and Saints will hopefully and quickly get the necessary points so relegation is not an issue to concern us.  We need to be one of the clubs that adapts quickly to the strangeness of empty ground and a win at an empty Carrow Road on Friday would go a long way towards making sure that this strangest of seasons ends well.