Premier League Match 19 - Southampton 1 Chelsea 1

Hey Chelsea fans: Google 'Park the Bus'.

If you could pick a team not to be playing when you’ve only had a day to recover from your last match it would be Chelsea.  Let’s face it, they could pick a completely different XI and would still have a team good enough to finish in the top 4 and that’s before we get started on the thousands of stockpiled players they have out on loan all over Europe.  One of those out on loan is of course Ryan Bertrand who is on a season long loan at Saints.  I’ve no doubt he’ll be signing for us in the summer but for now he’s technically a Chelsea player and can’t play for us today.  This means that Chelsea in effect weaken us today – they have no need to have Ryan on their books as he’s never going to get a game.  However, we should be grateful that he’s available for us for the other 36 League games of the season.

For Chelsea and Jose Mourinho, this season has been pretty much plain sailing.  They’ve had just the one defeat at Newcastle and have virtually beaten everyone else and progressed in the Champions League.  He complained about his strikeforce last year when it was ‘only’ Torres, Eto’o and Ba so he replaced those three with Diego Costa, Didier Drogba and Loic Remy.  Frank Lampard left and was replaced with Cesc Fabregas.  You have to say that he used the summer transfer window in the exact opposite way of Brendon Rodgers.  I like Jose and am glad he’s back – I know he can be a bit of a whingeing dickhead at times but he’s a character and the game needs them.

He and Ronald Koeman have history of course in that they were both on the staff of Louis Van Gaal at Barcelona.  I expect that they’ll be sharing many ‘Van Gaal is a twat’ stories over a glass of wine at the end of the game.  Meanwhile, I’m hoping for a share of the points and anything other than a repeat of the experience we had playing Chelsea last year when we got humped 3-0 in embarrassingly one sided fashion.

There has been a bit of news in that we have nipped in before the transfer window has even started and signed a winger on loan for the rest of the season in Eljero Elia who has joined from Werder Bremen.  He has 20 odd caps for Holland so must be decent but he’s fallen away in the past few years, earning a reputation as the Dutch Balotelli for his off the field activities.  He’s a replacement for Sadio Mané who is of course off to the African Cup of Nations for a month but as Werder really want shot of him, it wouldn’t surprise anyone if we sign him permanently in the summer but at least it's a 'try before you buy' deal so if he turns out to be another Osvaldo, or another Balotelli, we've got a better chance of spotting it.

Losing one full back, the aforementioned Bertrand, was bad enough but Nathaniel Clyne was missing as well.  Bollocks – this always happens against the big clubs – it’s hard enough as it is and then you lose two of the players crucial to how your team plays.  The 11 names read out included no natural right back so I expected Toby Alderweireld to be put in the position he occupies for the Belgian national team but instead, it was Maya Yoshida at right back with Steve Davis stationed in front of him in a 4-4-2 formation.  Sadio Mané kept his place up front behind Graziano and unsurprisingly, Big Vic was restored to the central midfield with Dusan Tadic coming in on the left.  The right sided defensive pairing of Maya on José Fonte was a bit of a concern up against the tricky little bastard Hazard.

Chelsea rotated a couple, leaving out Oscar and Willian and bringing in World Cup Winner Andre Schurrle and Jon Obi Mikel who is the most limited of holding midfield players so I guess that means that Mourinho is showing us a bit of respect.  It’s a worryingly strong team on paper.  As Chelsea make us swap ends and the game is about to start, I think of the bloke in my office who supports Chelsea.  He used to support Palace but changed allegiance when Roman’s revolution struck silverware. Tosser.  I hope we bury them.

Chelsea are passing it about well right from the start but Hazard gives the ball straight to Tadic who lets fly from 40 yards but well over the bar.  When we give it away though, as we did when Fonte panicked under pressure, we spend 5 minutes frantically defending our goal with corner after corner and Fabregas dancing along the goal line towards the goal as we collectively shit ourselves.  A corner comes over and Fraser completely misses it but eventually we do manage to get it clear.  Lesson learnt – do not give the fucking ball away in our own half.

When looking forward to this game, I thought that Mané would give Terry and Cahill problems and also that one or both of them would try and wipe him out at some stage.  Terry had the chance as Sadio chased a ball into the right hand corner and though he launched a scissor tackle from behind, he missed and we got a throw and then a corner.  With no JWP, Davis took responsibility and found Morgan with the kick and his header found Mané all alone at the back stick but Terry got in front of Fonte to clear it for another corner.   Needless to say, we couldn’t manage two good corners in a row.

If we were to get anything out of this sort of game then when we had any sort of ascendancy, we needed to score and that’s just what we did on 19 minutes as Matty Targett lobbed a ball forward, Pellè chested it back to Tadic who lofted it over the defence first time.  John Terry stepped up too late and Mané was away.  A headed touch across Terry and a lob with his right foot over Courtois and into the net and everyone went mental.  Get in there and no matter how childish this seems, there’s nothing better than seeing John Terry make a balls of something.

Chelsea respond to the setback like it never happened and Fabregas appears in our box again and makes defenders look stupid with his skill but luckily we are getting there in threes and fours and just about keeping them out.  One feature of our play that is lacking is of course the threat from the wings.  Targett is trying whenever possible to get up the line but of couse it’s not natural for Yoshida and quite often, you see Morgan or Big Vic looking for the ball forward to Clyney on the right and there’s just no one there so they have to check back.  On one occasion Maya does find himself attacking he bundles past Luis and the ball eventually bounces to Graziano who should lay it back for Morgan to shoot but he turns and fires over the bar.

It was in my mind that 45 minutes were up and we just needed to get in at 1-0 and no sooner the thought entered my head then the bastards equalized. There was a bit of pinball in midfield and Fabregas got in and dinked a lovely ball down the wing to Hazard.  One on one with Maya he turned him inside out and cut infield before dummying his way across Alderweireld and placing a lovely right footed shot in the far corner.  Great goal it has to be said – bastard.  Diego Costa doesn’t run to his team mate to celebrate the goal, instead he just decided to get in Big Vic’s face which is a) the action of a complete tosser and b) pretty stupid.

Brazilian Willian is on at half time for Schurrle who has done absolutely nothing.  He was brilliant in the World Cup but totally anonymous today.  Maybe playing against Brazil in the 7-1 made him look better than he is.  Maybe that means Saints are better than Brazil.  Well our defending certainly is.  The new man is quickly in the heart of the action as Chelsea press immediately and he has two shots which are both blocked.  I see a long second half ahead.  A ball breaks to Fabregas on our left and as he moves into the box, Targett goes to close him down.  Over goes Fabregas with his hands in the air and we clear it.  Over comes the ref and books him for diving and he goes nuts.  From his reaction I’m kind of thinking that maybe he didn’t dive.  Later replays showed that Targett slipped as he went to tackle him and Fabregas went over his standing leg.  There was contact but he definitely made a meal of it and I’m not sure he didn’t drag his leg into Targett anyway.  In my opinion we couldn’t have complained if it was given though it would have been harsh but it’s not as clear cut as they will no doubt make out.  And anyway, they’re twats so fuck ‘em.  The referee probably couldn’t see because he had 5 Chelsea players in his face blocking his view.

The set piece situation is of course back to haunt us today as JWP is not playing. Bearing in mind we’re not getting much of the ball so it’s frustrating when we get any sort of dead ball in their half and Tadic just wafts it out of play.  Make no mistake, these are not even close to landing in the right area.  It’s got to the stage with Tadic that from a dead ball, he’s be the last person I’d have taking it.  Dead balls aside he’s not been bad but he’s the first person hooked and JWP comes on, taking a position on the right wing with Steve Davis moving to the left.

Fabregas and Hazard are causing endless problems for us and the former sets up the latter who twists and turns past the bodies throwing themselves in the way and fires just wide.  There’s a big call from Koeman with the second change as Gardos comes on for Yoshida with Alderweireld moving to right back.  I can see why he’s done this because a) Yoshida is knackered and b) Toby will give more in an attacking sense.

Whilst in the main our defending has been very disciplined, Morgan seems to be on a mission to get booked.  He gets away with one foul which could easily have picked up a yellow and then he bins another one which is only ever going to get a yellow.  Meanwhile it’s constant pressure on the edge of our box and it’s always nice when you see an opposition right back thinking he can score from 35 yards like Ivanovic clearly does and watching the ball sail into the crowd.

Mikel, who has been stood there like a spare part as he has no attacking ability whatsoever, is removed and replaced with Didier Drogba who certainly does. I think Drogba’s a fantastic player but I’m pleased he’s on instead of Remy.  We’re dealing with Costa and I'm confident that Gardos and Fonte will deal with Drogba but we’re struggling with the tricky little fast bastards like Hazard.  We have a go at playing out of defence and nearly have a disaster as JWP plays a shite ball back to nobody and gives it straight to Costa who slips on his arse as we collectively get brown trousers. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy - all elbows and whining. Tosser.

Shane Long is on for Steve Davis on the left to give us some more energy and his first action is to chase and keep in an overhit Alderweireld cross and via Big Vic and Toby again, we win a corner which is only mentioned because it’s an attacking highlight of the second half.  However, Chelsea clear it and begin a breakaway with Fabregas on the left but Morgan trashes him and is off down the tunnel before the second yellow even comes out.

JWP has moved to the centre and Mané is having to play right wing and I’m getting horrible Arsenal away flashbacks.  Remy is on for Costa and the last few minutes are going to be carnage.  Bloody Hazard again tricks his way through on our left and his cross is mercifully missed by Drogba.  The next cross is met by Fonte who whacks it into Big Vic’s chest and luckily it bounced straight to Fraser.  We’re giving away free kicks just outside the box in the wide areas.  Pellè gets booked for one and we clear that cross and then Long does the same on the other side.  We’ve played one more minute than we should have done already and the cross comes over, Fonte heads behind and the final whistle goes.  Fucking brilliant lads.

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a game where we’ve spent 45 getting completely battered in terms of possession but not conceded a shot on target.  This tells you how well we defended.  I went searching on Twitter afterwards to see if I could find any clueless bastard Chelsea fan who moaned about us parking the bus and there were plenty.  If you do a google image search on 'park the bus', you will find a load of images relating the Chelsea.  There's a good reason for this.  I’ll be amazed if the DVD of their Champions League triumph a few years ago has been edited to show that Chelsea didn’t park the bus from the quarter finals onwards.  Yes, Chelsea and Jose have not been averse to parking the bus over the last few years and as we remember from League 1 days, you have to break these teams down and Chelsea didn’t.  The only on target thing that Fraser had to deal with was Jose Fonte volleying a ball at Big Vic which bounced to him. 

Chelsea created nothing at all really and predictably, Jose Mourinho made sure no one was talking about that afterwards by making sure we were all talking about the non-penalty decision with his assertion that there was a ‘campaign’ against his side.  Bullshit.  When you have every single major media outlet trying to sell all your players – that’s a campaign and are you honestly suggesting that big clubs get a worse shake on the dodgy decision front when you look over a whole season?

We fought so hard and totally deserved the point.  All 14 players put a massive shift in and Ronald Koeman again deserves massive credit for coming up with a game plan and formation to get something from that game.  Bertrand and Clyne are massive players for us whatever formation we play but Matt Targett and Maya Yoshida in the main defended superbly.  Koeman was brave enough to throw Florin Gardos on when Maya began to struggle and he coped well with Drogba and Costa.  In midfield we looked very makeshift at times with players being dragged into unfamiliar positions, especially when Morgan got sent off.  That’s the only disappointing thing about the game as he now misses the Arsenal game and both the tackles he got booked for were pretty brainless.  I can almost forgive the 2^nd one but the 1^st was stupid.

So, we’ve played all 19 teams now and we’re 4^th in the league.  Our run of difficult fixtures shows no sign of abating for now as after Arsenal we have Man United and Newcastle away.  Post Arsenal we get the January transfer window where I’m sure we’re going to get bombarded with Morgan and probably Clyney to the big clubs.  We just have to sigh and get on with it.  Today was a brilliant point and the best thing about it is that it shows the players that they can live with the big boys.   Talking of which, Arsenal are next and I feel we owe them one after that last minute heist they staged against us at The Emirates – the bastards.

Premier League Match 18 - Crystal Palace 1 Southampton 3

Hands Up if you Thought I Was Shit!

I heard that Chelsea think they have it tough as they have 4 games in 11 days.  As far as I can work out, Saints have games on the 26^th, 28^th, 1^st and 4^th, which unless I can’t count, makes 4 games in 10 days.  This is clearly absurd when there’s hardly a midweek game scheduled for us in the Premier League for the rest of the year.  To cap it all, Sky are putting out an advert saying how great it is that all 20 Premier League Clubs are playing on the same day.  Do they not even see the irony of that?  There’s nothing much that any match-attending football fan would like than for all games to be Saturday at 3pm.  The reason this doesn’t happen is because of Sky.

Still, Boxing Day football is one tradition that Sky haven’t torn up and thrown away so here we are with an away trip to Crystal Palace.  Roughly this time last year they made an inspired managerial appointment in Tony Pulis which miraculously kept them up.  When he walked out just before the season started they made the opposite of an inspired managerial appointment and appointed Neil Warnock.  Warnock’s reign has seen Palace revert to being bang average with the same set of players and one of the favourites for the drop and as a bonus we’ve had to put up with his performances in post match interviews on Match of the Day where his tactic is to say ‘such-and-such is a good referee but here’s a list of things he did wrong’.  No one’s buying it Neil, you’re still a twat – Pompey manager in waiting.

Palace on the face of it have a very good winger in Bolasie and they managed to get Zaha back on loan from Man United who have nearly but not quite ruined his career.  They also have ‘Shite Where he Wants’ Puncheon who was delighted when Warnock came to Palace, having been threatened with court action by his former QPR manager over some ill-advised but probably true Twitter comments.  The also have Australian Mile Jedinak who I’m told is a good player which is completely at odds with what I’ve seen with my own eyes when he’s been slightly worse than completely shit.

The questions regarding the Saints line-up were over who would play as we had Morgan, Big Vic and Gardos returning from suspension and Tadic from injury.  As it turned out we kept the 3-5-2 formation with Florin Gardos coming in for the suspended Fonte, Morgan coming in for Harrison Reed and somewhat surprisingly, Sadio Mané coming in for Shane Long meaning that JWP stayed in the team ahead of Big Vic.  The bench included, Long, Vic, Tadic and Reed alongside ever-present Kelvin Davis and defenders Matt Targett and Jason McCarthy.

As Palace’s strength appears on paper anyway to be on the wings, I was surprised we were playing with wing backs as I thought we’d want to double up on them but as the game kicked off you could immediately see why we had 3 giants at the back – hoooof, straight up to Campbell.  Great tactics Neil.  You have Bolasie on one wing and Punch on the other and you boom it up to Campbell’s neck.  This is Frazier Campbell, a Championship standard striker who is on his own up against international players from Japan, Belgium and Romania who are all well over 6 foot tall.  Good luck with that.

Once we get the ball on the earth and start playing we begin to make inroads and win a corner which is slung over by JWP.  Palace clear it and Davis retrieves it and the ball bounces to the retreating Alderweireld who controls on his chest and volleys it back into the box and the back-pedalling Speroni had to tip it onto the bar and over for another corner.

Palace’s first attempt to do something on the floor created a chance fro them as the Comedy Bearded Ledley chipped a pass over Gardos and a couple of lucky breaks saw the ball roll across the top of the penalty area invitingly for Puncheon but he hit his right footed dribbler which we know so well from him time with us and it was in easy reach for Fraser.

We were playing some nice stuff and confirmed we were by far the better side on 17 minutes when Toby lobbed one forward and Pellè headed down to Mané.  He passed it first time to JWP and spun away to receive the through ball as one Palace defender obligingly stood five yards behind the others playing him onside.  Mané skipped round Speroni and with his weaker right foot, the one responsible for that horrible miss at Spurs amongst others, slid it neatly into the net to put us 1-0 up.  Great goal.

Mané is playing some great stuff and I’m particularly impressed with the one-touch layoffs without trying to do anything too clever.  This is Palace though and Delaney decides to wipe through the back of him which according to this referees book or rules, is not a yellow card.  He’s nearly in again on 22 minutes as a Forster clearance is left by both Speroni and Dann and Mané nipped in and robbed them only to be pulled back for coming back from an offside position.

Offside at the other end was Championship Campbell.  His smack against the bar with the linesman already having flagged was at the end of a flowing Palace move which consisted of a 60 yard free kick bombed forward, a clearing header from Yoshida and a returning header from Jedinak.  Quality football all round.

When we were struggling in recent weeks, we doubly suffered as our set piece delivery was shocking and Palace have the same problem as Punch whips in a corner which is so low that first man Bertrand has to duck low to head it away.  A rare mistake by Steven Davis on the edge of our box gifts the ball to Bolasie but Alderweireld is in quickly to clear any danger.

Up the other end some decent football has broken out with Mané spinning past the Comedy Bearded Ledley and he and Pellè combined to tee-up JWP and the less said about his sand-wedge effort into the crowd the better.  More decent and patient play outside of the Palace box and Mané slides a ball through to Bertrand on the left.  His cross loops up into the air off the defender and JWP makes a decent effort of trying to loop a header over the keeper but it drops on top of the net and so we go in at half time one goal to the good.

At the start of the second half we’re knocking on the door again With Clyney and JWP feeding Pellè who scoops the ball over the defender and into the box which causes carnage before Palace get a foot on it and we get a throw.  Clyney takes it to Mané and he totally leaves the ex-Skate Ward looking like a complete clown as he spins behind him and makes his way along the byeline.  Graziano takes a swing at the low cross and misses but Bertrand arrives behind him and thunders it into the top corner with his right foot and we’re 2-0 up against a side who never seem to score more than 1.  Great goal, great move and the ex-Skate looks stupid – what could be better?

Yes it can… as another delicious passing move involving virtually everyone ends when Mané’s cross is deflected behind off of ex-Skate Ward.  JWP’s delivery is spot on and Toby Alderweireld loses ex-Skate Ward who is having a great few minutes and thunders his header over Speroni to make it 3-0.  Game fucking over.  Get in!!!  I would donate my left nut to sign Toby Alderweireld permanently in the summer.  He’s fucking brilliant.

It gets even better for Palace on the hour mark as Bic Vic comes on to replace Davis and he’s immediately at it with a great crossfield ball to Bertrand who megs Punch and eventually it falls to Clyne whose shot is just about kept out by Speroni.  We’ve eased off a bit now and are allowing Palace to get some territory but they really don’t look like scoring unless we do something stupid and Graziano’s the man as he starts fucking about playing keepy-uppy on the edge of our penalty area.  One trick was enough and the second was funny but instead of clearing it and getting a round of applause, he tries a third, loses it and pulls the Palace player down to give them a free kick.  Once Toby cleared it we could laugh again as Big Vic rumbled up the pitch with the ball, chased by 5 Palace players.

Mané is having his best game for Saints by a mile and he’s being helped by a Palace team who have all bar given up.  A simple ball from Morgan is taken in and one shimmy leaves two defenders for dead before he curls a right footed effort just over the bar

We still have a slight issue with Fraser Forster being a bit prone to being nailed to his goal line and one cross has to be cleared by Gardos from 4 yards out.  Gardos is having a much better game than against Sheffield United and some of his passing forward is decent.  One 50 yard ball along the deck went straight to Mané’s feet but unfortunately he slipped over.  On our next foray forward, Big Vic tried a shot from 40 yards which was like his 40 yard goal at Hull in every way, apart from direction and height.

Zaha is on for the Comedy Bearded Ledley and fair play to Warnock for going for it and for a bit, Palace tried to pass it but invariably they didn’t have a clue and kept passing it out of play.  Warnock’s next substitution doesn’t go down well with the Palace faithful as Bolasie comes off for Kelly, a full back.  Cries of “you don’t know what you’re doing” ring out.  Yes he does – this game is dead and you have QPR in two days time you muppets.  Pick the battles you can win.

We’ve packed up early for Sunday as well with Pellè being removed so Ronald can tell him about playing keepy-uppy on the edge of your own box and Shane Long is on.  We’re still playing some decent football though with a JWP backheel sending Clyne away before he was trashed by Delaney who finally got the booking he’d been trying to get since the game started.

As the game dwindles down Punch takes on Clyne twice and fails twice but he does win a corner.  On this one, Fraser does superbly to punch away despite being flattened as the ball came in.  Palace are having a bit more ball now as there is little or no hold up pay from Saints and it just keeps coming back.  Zaha attempts to run past Bertrand on the left, leans into him and falls over to win a soft free kick.  Our marking is all to shit at the back post and Palace have two men behind the Saints back man which is Big Vic and Dann gets up to give Fraser no chance.

Clyney is subbed and replaced with Jason McCarthy for his debut and he’s pitched into a minor shitstorm as Palace are throwing the sink at it for the last 5 minutes.  Ward wins a corner off McCarthy and though it’d cleared, McArthur fires in a shot which Fraser saves with ease.

The End and a very good and comprehensive win.  Once more the formation looked good and we were dangerous – since we changed to 3 at the back and 2 up front we’ve played 2 games and scored 6 goals, conceding 1 so what’s not to like.  Personally I like the fact that Ronald decided he wanted to play that formation and put round pegs in round holes.  Bringing in Gardos for Fonte was a good sign as it shows he has confidence in his squad.  It would have been very easy to play Big Vic and go 4-3-3.  The revelation was Sadio Mané who was brilliant – one goal, one assist, won the corner for the 3^rd goal, created other chances for himself and others and what I particularly liked was the one touch laying off of the ball with his back to goal.  Maybe being stuck out on the wing is not his best position.  Playing in the ‘10’ position means of course that he has little or no defensive responsibility.  The guy showed in his first couple of games that he has the ability but his form has dropped off.  The same could be said of Dusan Tadic who has been very quiet since the Sunderland 8-0 game.  Tadic though has not become a hate figure for many supporters though.

Whatever our formation and however well our players played, this was Palace and Sunday is Chelsea and a different ballpark altogether.  I just want us to go out with the belief that we can win the game.  They are a fabulous side but any side can get rattled and can be got at.  Everything will have to go right for us to get a result but let’s go for it.  Today’s win and the Everton win has taken the pressure off…. And you get to shout abuse at John Terry.  Playing 3 at the back will bring Jose Fonte up against Eden Hazard and I don’t fancy that one much given Jose’s tendency to dive in but whatever formation, I expect Big Vic to be in the side to get right on Fabregas’ case.  Graziano will have to contend with Terry and Cahill but they won’t fancy playing against Sadio Mané.  I guarantee one of them will get booked for flattening him and that a Chelsea player will have a ridiculous dive somewhere and we have to hope the ref doesn’t fall for it.

Talking of winning, we’re back in the Champions League places as we’ve moved above West Ham into 4^th.  If we’re still there after our next two games at home to Chelsea and Arsenal then it’s a very Happy New Year indeed.  The opposite of winning is of course losing and Palace have done a bit too much of that and on Saturday, Neil Warnock was sacked as manager of Palace.  He was a shocking appointment anyway so it’s no surprise.  Maybe that Pompey job will soon be yours Neil.

Premier League Match 17 - Southampton 3 Everton 0

I am a Genius - Just Accept it!

If truth be told I’m not wildly optimistic about this visit from Everton.  We’re up to our arses in injuries and suspensions and n a losing streak numbering 5.  For 3 of those games we played pretty well but we’ve added ‘playing badly’ into the mix in the last 2 games which were two shitty 1-0 defeats to Burnley and Sheffield United.  The injury and suspension list sees us without Dusan Tadic, Morgan and Big Vic from the regular starting XI and without Florin Gardos and Jack Cork from the match day 18 so I’m not expecting too much.

Everton have been very up and down this season as the Martinez effect takes hold.  In quite a long spell at Wigan he played attractive football but his teams couldn’t defend for shit and though they won the FA Cup, they eventually got relegated.  He inherited a David Moyes Everton side that were very solid defensively and one season was not enough to demolish that.  This year though has been a year too far – Sylvain Distin is still in the team at the age of 52 and they have full backs who spend all their time attacking and are not great at defending in Baines and Coleman.  Baines in particular is one of the new breed of full backs who wouldn’t know a tackle if it smacked them in the face.  In goal is the comedy bearded Tim Howard who won rave reviews in the World Cup but this season seems to have spent the whole season sat on his arse in the net as the ball flies past him. They have some serious talent going forward though with the beast Lukaku and the freakishly talented Ross Barkley who was shite down here last year but seems to have hit a bit of form recently.  I’m not too bothered that Kevin Mirallas in injured as on his day he is the kind of player who can tear you a new one.

In the car on the way to the game they announce the team on Radio Solent and they’re all in a flap as they can’t work out where everyone will be playing.  The main problem for Big Dave The Legend Merrington and the other goons is that we have all three of Alderweireld, Fonte and Yoshida playing and no wingers as such as Sadio Mané has been left on the bench along with Sam McQueen, Dominic Gape, Ryan Seager, Jason McCarthy and Matt Targett.  Those 5 have an average age of about 14.  Harrison Reed is starting in midfield and Graziano Pellè and Steve Davis are fit and thank God for that.  I thought it was pretty obvious that Toby would be in midfield alongside Reed and Davis but I and the Radio Solent goons were completely wrong.  As the game kicked off it looked like we were playing 4-4-2 with Maya at left back, Ryan Bertrand in front of him and JWP on the right.  After the first bomb up the wing by Bertrand and Toby Alderweireld seeming to pull Maya over towards him, it became clear that we were playing 3 at the back with wing backs.  Well this will be interesting.  Not since the Alan Ball managerial days with Tommy Widdrington playing sweeper have I seen us play this formation.

Predictably, Everton start with a lot of possession and we look a little bit panicky but overall, we look solid enough as Everton pass the ball about in front of us.  The first incident of note is Shane Long being played in.  Jagielka is covering but he’s got behind Distin who uses his zimmer frame to just barge into him.  It’s a clear foul and the linesman who is right next to it flags for it but in his wisdom, Jon Moss is looking straight at it but decided not to give it.  The crowd are incensed a minute later as Long again goes to ground under the challenge of Besic.  This is less clear cut but they often get given (especially at Arsenal when their circus dwarves get knocked over) but the fat guy with the whistle and the red face again gives nothing. 

We are trying to exploit the fact that Everton’s full backs are always up the wing and that Baines in particular, cannot defend for shit.  A Davis diagonal ball finds Clyne in the space wherer Baines should have been and his cross is onto the head of Pellè who can’t keep it down.  Should have done better really.

The next ball up to Long sees him again tangle with Besic who clearly takes a kick at him when he’s on the ground.  Again, Moss is looking straight at it but again he does nothing.  Players get sent off for less than that in some games but it’s play on today.  Eto’o then goes down injured – his wallet has probably fallen on his foot.  Everton are attacking and want to play on and the ref lets them.  They could kick it out and get  treatment for Eto’o but they don’t and Barkley eventually shoots low and it’s smothered by Forster who is then told by the ref to kick it out so Eto’o can get treatment.  To clarify – if we’d been attacking he would have stopped the game but as they were, he let it go on.  Predictably, there was nothing wrong with Eto’o anyway.

We have the ball in the net as a lofted ball forwards again finds Everton’s full backs absent and Distin and Jagielka all over the place.  Long is penalised for not a lot and knocks it back to Pellè who puts it away well but the flag’s long been up.  On 37 minutes though, JWP slings in a cross which Everton clear and Naismith manages to whack it straight up into the air.  Jagielka is under it and waiting for it to come down but as it does, Long nips in and Jagielka, who doesn;lt take his eye off the ball, clearly volleys him up in the air.  Needless to say, the useless fat twat with the whistle doesn’t give a penalty so he has to give a goal kick… no, he’s given a corner which is a true indication that he hasn’t got a clue.

It’s corner time again and I’m not expecting much but JWP slings it over into a good area, Jose Fonte goes up and get the fuck in there, the net bulges.  José is under a pile of bodies but the replays show that he comes on over the top of Lukaku who is the one who has headed it past his own keeper and added his name to the Alcaraz, Coleman list from last year.

It’s nearly 2-0 before half time as Bertrand and Long work a nice 1-2 down the left and Bertrand’s cross is met by Pellè in front of the near post but he can only turn it into the side netting with much typically over-demonstrative Italian gesticulating and it’s amusing how the first swear word that comes out is ‘fuck’, no matter what your native language is.

Half time and it’s a very decent 1-0 to us. Everton have created nothing and the new formation is working well. Harrison Reed is patrolling well in front of the back 4 and winning the ball back regularly and keeping it simple once he’s got it.  He’s bouncing off of tackles occasionally due to being physically slight but overall it’s a great debut so far.

The start of the second half was quite cagey with no one really putting any decent stuff together. Martinez had however, done absolutely nothing to solve the major problem he had which was Shane Long running Jagielka and especially the pensioner Distin ragged. Barkley was looking the most threatening Everton player but was too wide to really make things happen.  When he gets on the ball though it’s hard to get it off him as he’s a bit Big Vic-like with his upper body strength.  Hodgson has got to get him in that England side.

One player who needs to be got out of the England side is Leighton Baines.  If he’s not fucking about with his hair then he’s proving once again that he can’t defend as Clyney takes him on and there’s no way that Baines should allow the cross to come in but it does.  Long gets up above both Coleman and Jagielka who are both taller than him and nods down to where Pellè swivels and knocks it past Howard for 2-0.

To be fair, Everton don’t look like they know how to get back into this and there’s no movement on the bench which is surprising as what they have out on the pitch is achieving nothing.  They do however have a shithouse of a referee to rely on and they get given a cheap free kick as Davis perfectly tackles Eto’o who is not even appealing for a foul but he gets given one anyway.  Everton proved that even at Christmas they can’t accepts presents as they take it short to Besic who just curls a cross out of play in shit fashion.

Besic is one of few Everton players who is at least putting a shift in but it’s not going well for him as he brings down Reed as he burst past him.  JWP is right on the money with the set piece delivery and it lands perfectly on the head of José Fonte who thumps the header down but Tourette Tim gets down well to fuck shit wank push it away.

A minor blip on the day is provided when José launches one of his Portuguese Man of War tackles on the edge of our box and trashes Barkley as he cut in.  A 5^th yellow card and a free kick to Evberton right on the edge of the box and Barkley manages to hit the wall.  He took it because Baines was doing his hair.  Everton made a chance for themselves soon after as Lukaku cut on from the right and  pinged in a left footed shot towards the far post but Fraser took off and clawed it away.  It was a bit ‘one for the cameras’ but the Big Man did well.

The first substitution is not by the side that are 2-0 down and the knackered JWP is off to be replaced by Targett who goes to Left Wing Back with Bertrand moving into midfield.  We win a corner which was always going to happen once JWP, source of our only good dead ball deliveries all season, had gone off.  Steve Davis’ delvery is half cleared to Yoshida to pushes it back out to Davis.  Instead of using his left foot like he should, he curls in a perfect ball with the outside of his right and Maya storms in to thump a header past Fuck Shit Tim and into the net for 3-0.  The big screen replay proved that in fact he’s thumped it into the net with his shoulder but Maya doesn’t care and nor do we.  It’s always great when you get unusual goalscorers – where’s Mayuka?  Oh yes, he’s not even on the bench.

It’s nearly 4-0 in the last minute as Pellè knocks down and Bertrand forces his way into the box before seeing the ball skew off his boot as he fell and go wide.  Dominic Gape comes on for Shane Long who gets a deserved standing ovation and he looks neat and tidy and along with Reed and Hesketh, gives us 3 new central midfielders out of the academy who are less that 5 foot 2 each.

The final action of the game is Lukaku getting through but Fraser is not letting the clean sheet go and blocks bravely at his feet.  Love it – have that, full time, 3-0. Rumours of our demise have been greatly exaggerated.

What I loved about his game more than anything else is that it proved that Ronald Koeman is a genius. A fundamental switch in formation and we were superb.  Everyone knew what they were doing and it worked perfectly.  The three at the back covered everything superbly.  I know José is the captain but Toby Alderweired was the main man back there, always talking and pulling players into the correct position.  Maya is always going to be a player who gives you a few ;shit yourself; moments but he was solid as you like today and was very quickly out to the left wing if Everton got behind Bertrand.  The full backs were magnificent in the amount of work they did and if Hodgson can’t see that Bertrand is better than Baines then he needs to give his head a wobble.  The midfield three were superb with Harry reed having an exceptional debut and Steve Davis giving his usual all action display.  JWP seemed to take 20 minutes to get intot he game but once he did he never wasted a pass and there’s the added bonus of his set piece delivery which today was spot on. And finally…. We had two strikers with Long playing in his best position against 2 centre backs who aren’t the quickest.  The second goal illustrated how important this was… in our usual formation, only Pellè would have been in the box when the cross came over so he would have had to head for goal or would have nodded it down, probably to no one.

Roberto Martinez came out with the assertion that there was nothing between the sides, just that Saints defended the six yard box better.  Who’s he trying to kid?  Everton were pretty much thumped today and the side he picked just didn’t work.  Eto’o and Naismith did nothing and Barkley was stuck out on the left, neither tracking back much or getting enough ball to make a difference going forward.  The very pedestrian Barry didn’t seem to achieve much in midfield and just got ran out of it but I can’t believe that with subs of the ability of McGeady, Pienaar, Stones and  Koné, Martinez didn’t see fit to try and fix any of the glaring flaws.  The more I think about it the madder it is… leaving the pensioner ex-Skate super slo-mo Distin on the pitch when he’s getting annihilated, when you have Stones on the bench.

Anyway, the win takes a bit of pressure off and puts us in good spirit for a ridiculous run of fixtures starting with Crystal Palace away on Boxing Day.  That’ll be a tough game as any game against a Neil Warnock side is.  I’m hoping that the in-form Yannick Bolasie and Mile Jedinak are off to the African Cup of Nations and Asia Cup respectively and not available.  It’s a shame that José Fonte is suspended for the return to his former club but Florin Gardos is back if Ronald want to stay with 3 at the back and the with the returning Big Vic and Morgan, we certainly have more options, which of course include Harrison Reed.  Now he’s played and done well, he’ll certainly get more minutes on the pitch.

Merry Christmas one and all.

Come On You Saints….  

Capital One Cup 5th Round - Sheffield United 1 Southampton 0

Saints at Wembley - Good Wasn't It!

Saints players and staff have been on a two day holiday in the frozen Northern wastelands in preparation for the Capital One Cup Quarter Final at Bramall Lane against Sheffield United.  When I think of Sheffield United I think of horrible games in the 90s with Brian Deane involved.  Dave Bassett was their manager and the football was not what you could ever call pretty.  Waft it up to Deans who is 6 foot 5 and all elbows and aggression.  Relegated from the Premier League when Hans Segers may or may not have let goals deliberately which saved Everton and relegated again when West Ham were allowed to break every rule going and basically play ineligible players.  I can understand supporters with longer memories feeling a bit hard done by and they have my sympathy for that.  Then you have the recent Ched Evans where the club decided they would test out fan reaction by letting the convicted unapologetic rapist train with them, no doubt hoping that no one would care too much and they could sign him on the cheap.  Fortunately for the decent fans of the club, the outrage was such that it became impossible.  Today of course, I hope they get stuffed.

The target for Saints this season is probably to get into Europe and whilst the Champions League dream has been shown to be a bit optimistic in recent weeks, the Europa League is obtainable and this is the easiest route into it.  Personally I don’t give a shit about European competition – I want to get to Wembley and win a Cup.  Mind you, even if we win today then it won’t be easy as the other Quarter Finals could easily see Chelsea, Liverpool and Tottenham in the semi-finals or more favourably, Derby, Bournemouth and Newcastle.

The team news saw us put out a fairly strong looking side as you’d expect. Shane Long leads the line, flanked by Mané and Bertrand (what?) with the midfield 3 being the returning Morgan Schneiderlin, Big Vic and JWP.  The back 4 had Matty Targett at left back and Florin Gardos instead of Toby Alderweireld but it looks decent on paper though I’m really not sure about Bertrand on the wing.  Sheffield United are these days managed by Nigel Clough who I hated as a player because he always used to score against us.

In a marvellous start for us, the referee gives the Blades a free kick for fuck all and they lob it into the box. Fraser is underneath it but McEverly whacks him with an arm and he spills it.  It’s hooked goalwards and eventually bounces on top of the bar and over.  It’s all gone a bit Dave Bassett and Neil Warnock.  However there’s nothing long ball about their next move as they build up through midfield and a shot comes in from Reed which is always going over but it’s a decent effort.

Our first effort is a break down the left as Bertrand turns the defence.  Long hassles the defender into a mistake and his cross is well defended before Mané can make contact and hoof it over the bar probably.  The ref gives a goal kick of course.

At half time there’s an admission that Bertrand on the wing isn’t working and Lloyd Isgrove is on for the unfortunate Matt Targett.  The change has done nothing for the way we are playing though and it’s all Sheffield.  They our down the left and the cross misses everyone except Murphy who is at the back post all alone and luckily for us he shats it over the bar.

Isgrove has been deployed on the right where he is clearly not comfortable but he gets involved picking up a ball from Morgan before sliging in a right footed cross which is flicked on and JWP ghosts in at the back and tries to head for the far corner but it drops just wide.  JWP is up next also, picking up a ball in midfield before driving forward and taking aim from 35 yards but unfortunately he was aiming at Row Z.

In reality there’s only one team who looks like scoring and it’s not us.  A Murphy cross from the right wing is flicked on and Frase has to get down extremely sharply to turn it away before Clyney blocks the follow up.  Fraser is at it again straight afterwards as a United striker tees up an incoming midfielder and his shot is confidently blocked by the big man and turned over the bar.  From the corner, Fraser slaps it clear to Mané on the edge of the box and he allows himself to be dispossessed and then brings him down.  The Blades players are of course all howling for a penalty and for Mané to be sent off but as it is, they get a free kick right on the line.  A shambolic looking wall does nothing as he absolutely smashes it at Fraser who makes the save but can’t hold it and it squirts free.  Of course you need defenders to react but none do and McNulty bundles it into the net.  It had been coming.

In the aftermath of the goal, Chris Morgan, Clough’s assistant is sent to the stands for reasons unknown but bearing in mind what a massive thug he was as a player then he probably deserved it.  When we eventually restart, Morgan pings a beautiful ball out to Mané on the left and he just runs straight into Flynn who launches a counter attack and Big Vic just hoiks him over for an obvious booking meaning he’s out of the Everton game on Saturday.  Morgan is clearly not impressed with Mané’s effort.

He was probably not very impressed when his ball to Isgrove was picked up and slotted through for Mané to produce a low weak shot at the near post that the keeper easily kicked away for a corner.  There was more easy work for the keeper as JWP’s corner landed on top of him with no one near.

Mané has not been great but he’s probably been the most likely to score and Ronald replaces him with Mayuka.  We’ve given up.  I remember when 4-4-2 Magazine said he was the 85^th best player in the world or whatever.  I was 84^th and Stephen Hawking was 83^rd, so ridiculous is that claim.  He. Is. Shite.

So now we’re playing with 10 and a Bertrand mistake allows McNulty to be put through against Fraser but the big man stands up well and blocks the shot.  Probably too save him from being sent off, Big Vic is replaced with Toby Alderweireld when it really would have been better to take Morgan off and make sure he didn’t get booked and suspended for Saturday as well…. Which he duly did with a stupid tackle born out of frustration.  He’ll probably do a French magazine interview over Christmas and blame it on his move not going through in the summer.

It’s all shit now and Forster is performing more heroics to keep another shot out with Gardos blocking the rebound.  Another foul and Morgan is now trying to get himself sent off by kicking the ball away.  He has to go really but possibly because he’s got fed up with the relentless badgering from the Sheffield United bench, the referee doesn’t do it.

What else can go wrong? Oh yes, big boot forward and Gardos allows McNulty to push him about and he lets the ball bounce past him and McNulty is after it until Florin pulls him down.  Off you go.  Amateur hour.  The resulting free kick is shite but it doesn’t matter.  They’ve battered us to be honest and totally deserved their win.  Ronald is off without shaking Nigel Clough’s hand and what a great day.

So where do we start with that?  Let’s do a Good Bad and Ugly.  One of these categories might not take long.

The Good:

Fraser Forster made some great saves to keep us in it and give us a flattering scoreline which we didn’t deserve. If we’d lost 3 or 4-0 we couldn’t have complained.  I’m going to forgive him for the goal as it was a free kick from right on the edge of the box and was absolutely smashed at him.  Where were the defenders to bail him out?

The Bad:

JWP joined the ranks of players who’ve hit consistently shite dead ball deliveries this season.  Having said that, he is considerably better than many others this season.  Mitigating circumstances in that he’s only in his second game in 3 months and he will improve.  Will Lloyd Isgrove improve?  He came on and did next to nothing.  He was put on the right wing and he’s totally left footed but someone had to play out there as Mané was still on the pitch.  He didn’t look comfortable out there at all though and there’s no excuse for doing that little.  The one time I saw him beat the left back he tried to cut it back onto his left foot

and lost it. He isn’t gong to get many chances so he needs to do more when he does.  He’s not 18 and is running out of time to prove he has what it takes.

The Ugly (and in some cases, the Fucking Horrendously Ugly):

By refusing to shake hands with Nigel Clough, Koeman achieved nothing expect making himself look like the bad guy in the eyes of the casual observer.   I understand where he’s coming from as it appears the Sheffield United bench was behaving pretty unpleasantly but you should shake hands even if you don’t want to and take up the issue later.  No one will care about the underlying issues and will just focus on the non-handshake.

The fact that we are a Premier League side with a vaunted academy and our talk about pathways to the first team and all that, makes it inexcusable and tinpot that we didn’t have a full bench.  It makes it look like we were taking the game lightly.  Ok, an extra sub probably wouldn’t have made a difference to the result but Ryan Seager or Sam McQueen would have got something out of it even if they’d only watched.  Also, they couldn’t have been worse than many out there today.  It’s worrying that Tadic and Davis weren’t even fit enough to sit on the bench.

Sadio Mane was appalling in his decision making and general contribution.  He tried hard but is completely out of form and his contribution to the winning goal sums it up.  When the ball went to him it had disaster written all over it and he was always going to bring the guy down.  Up front he looked more dangerous than anyone but ultimately ruined everything with taking the wrong option or miscontrolling the ball or mis-hitting a pass etc.  He has taken over from Guly as the team scapegoat which is predictable and somewhat pathetic.   Shane Long for me had a totally ineffective game. “He works hard” is what’s always said in his defence and yes he does but that’s a bare minimum requirement.  His hold up play was non-existent and when he got the ball he’d invariably knock it past the centre back and then not get to it before the covering defender.  He had no shots again in 90 minutes against a league 1 side, didn’t look like a threat in their box once.

The experiment of Bertrand on the wing was a waste of time and no surprise to me.  People were saying it was a good idea before the start pointing to him playing there for Chelsea in a Champions League Final.  Slight difference – in said Champions League Final, Chelsea were parking the bus against Bayern Munich and Bertrand was deployed as an extra left back in front of Ashley Cole to cope with the threat of Arjen Robben.  Sheffield United don’t have Arjen Robben the last time I checked so in our formation, Ryan was a forward and it was never going to work.

We all know that bookings happen and consequently, so do suspensions.  We also know that referees screw up and book players when they don’t deserve it.  With that in mind, you can’t afford to get booked for stupid stuff.  Big Vic and Morgan today, deliberately fouled Sheffield United players when they had no chance of getting the ball so the only outcome was that they’d be suspended for Saturday against Everton.  Morgan in particular then tried to get himself sent off by kicking the ball away after he’d already been booked.  He should have gone, no question and was very lucky that the ref decided to not apply the rules and ignore the rantings of Nigel Clough and his bench.  Pelle’s booking against Burnley was similarly stupid as have been some of his other bookings and his absence today meant we never even looked like scoring and there was no one holding the ball up to allow midfielders to get forward.

The pre-season exodus is beginning to hurt us now.  We replaced like for like and plugged the holes in the First XI but we haven’t really increased the depth of the squad which we would have needed to do even if no one had left.  Lambert would have been an ideal man to have in the squad to replace Pellè when needed and though I hate to say it, the same applied for Lallana with Tadic.  The young players we have now just look a little too young so we could have done with Calum Chambers as well if he hadn’t chosen to fuck off.

Back to “The Ugly”.  Florin Gardos needs to man up.  He’s 6 foot 4 and allegedly a tough tackling no nonsense defender.  Well, I didn’t see that on Tuesday.  I saw a player getting bullied and shoved around and a player who let the ball bounce and both of these failings contributed to his red card when he didn’t get to the bounce of the ball and then allowed the striker to roll round him before hauling him down. 

And at risk of repeating myself from every blog I’ve ever written when he’s made an appearance, Mayuka was truly horrific again.  The bloke hasn’t got a clue and I’m struggling to think of a worse Saints player ever who has got on the pitch.  Even Ali Dia had a fucking shot.  Mayuka never seems to even touch the ball suggesting that he has no awareness or football brain whatsoever. What is the point of him being on the bench?  We loan out Gaston Ramirez and keep this fucking idiot?  I know he’s probably not on big wages but what the actual fuck is he doing on the bench when Ryan Seager or Sam McQueen cannot possibly be worse.  Mayuka was not the reason we lost today and he came on in the middle of a horrific team performance but he’s dreadful in whatever situation he comes on.  He was shit when he came on in the 8-0 game against Sunderland when they’d given up.

The biggest problem is that we were outfought and outplayed by a League 1 side.  At 1-0 there was only one team creating chances and looking like scoring and there was only one team winning the second balls and making life difficult and it wasn’t us.  4500 Saints fans paid to watch that game and paid to travel up with the hope of cup semi-final.  If you play well and fight hard and get beat then no one minds but there’s a feeling that we didn’t give it 100%.  However, flooding Twitter with demands for refunds is moronic.  Sometimes in away game your team will be shite.  It’s part of the gamble when you decide to go.  Christ, during the Branfoot days people would have been asking for refunds after an away win because the performances were so bad.

Moving on as that’s all we can do and Everton at home awaits on Saturday.  The midfield options look very thin as Morgan and Big Vic are banned and Corky and Steve Davis are injured.  Davis might make it but even so, Toby Alderweireld will have to play in midfield with Maya at the back.  Tadic is injured so I guess it will be the returning Pellè up front with Long and Mané who are desperately out of form. I expect to see a lot of Academy kids on the bench and whatever team is out there will be trying to arrest a run of 5 defeats in a row.  This sure isn’t going to be easy.

Keep the faith… again.

Premier League Match 16 - Burnley 1 Southampton 0

Keane Smashes Hesketh. Note ball in different Post Code. Twattenburg didn't see it.

So, 3 defeats out of 3 – What have we got?  For starters we’ve got Toby Alderweireld and James Ward-Prowse back in the squad which is most welcome as we embark on two games in the frozen wastelands of the North in 4 days.  The first of these is against Burnley in the league who are attempting to not be a yo-yo club by avoiding disappearing straight back down to the Championship from whence they came.  They had a little run of picking up points and are not bottom of the league but the run came to an end last week with a defeat at QPR.  We need to be winning this one.

Since the Manchester United game there has been a bit of a readjustment of expectations from everyone including Ronald Koeman but I don’t know about you but I’m still pissed off about the United game.  

Still, 5^th we are, going into this game so maybe the spotlight will be off us a bit and it should fall on West Ham and it should be all their decent players getting linked with other clubs all over the place.  It’s not of course – it’s still Morgan to Arsenal and Spurs, Clyne to Liverpool etc etc.

Talking of Liverpool, which I like to do… wasn’t it sad to see their Champions League campaign come to a halt when they only managed a draw against Basle at home.  Adam and Dejan cited Champions League football as their reason for going, along with challenging for the Premier League title.  Never mind chaps, you’ve still got the money, which is the one reason for joining that you didn’t talk about.  Do I have much sympathy for Brendan Rodgers now everyone realises that he’s shit and got lucky last season.  No, he had a choice…

There is a surprise iin the team news in that Jake Hesketh has got a start ahead of Shane Long.  That’s not as big a mystery as why Sadio Mané has got a start again but another Academy boy plays in the Premier League.  Toby is back in place of Maya and JWP is on the bench.  Burnley have Saints fan Danny Ings in attack and other notables include George Boyd who I remember playing against in League 1 days when he was at Peterborough.  Boyd was their big signing of the summer, costing £3million so they’re trying to survive using the players who got them up in the main and should be applauded for that. Sean Dyche is highly regarded as a manager and so hopefully they’ll persevere with him even if it goes pear shaped.  Oh, and Twattenburg is the referee.  He might have been right about Lallana but he’s still a shit ref.

Saints launch a ball forwards to Pellè and when he doesn’t win it, Burnley attack and Boyd slings in a good cross from the right and Ings heads it straight up in the air for an easy take for Fraser.  Buoyed by this effort, Burnley come again and this time Ings finds a yard of space in front of the defence and pings in a shot which is always going wide but needed a dive from Big Fraser to make sure.

Saints first decent move is to build up down the right and for Tadic to switch left to Mané who runs at the defender and sort of squirts it across the goal, neither passing or shooting. The keeper gather and Hesketh slides in and catches him in the head.  It’s a clear fould and Heaton makes a meal of it and we get the predictable over-reaction from the defenders and Hesketh marks his first start with an inevitable booking which was deserved.

After a decent cross from Tadic was headed over the bar, we try a new short corner routine to cover for the fact that no one can hit them long and Davis works the ball for Bertrand to fire over.  It looked nice but in line with all of our set pieces of late – it’s shite and produces nothing.

After the Burnley over-reaction to Hesketh’s challenge on the keeper, it’s no surprise that the next Burnley player who gets the chance, Michael Keane clatters into the youngster.  The ball has gone and Keane has just smashed into him.  If I didnlt know better I’d say it was a ‘revenge’ tackle and ends Hesketh’s involvement on the half hour.  Like at Arsenal recently with Jack Cork, a bad tackle that forces one of our players to be substituted, is not even deemed a foul by the referee.  Well played Twattenburg you helmet.  Burnley play on and Trippier’s cross causes panic and the ball hits Clyne as he faced the goal, comes off his chest and forces Fraser into a sprawling save.  No one wants to grab it or clear it for a second and eventually it gets wellied clear and Twattenburg blows his whistle.

JWP is on for his first game in 10 weeks and is quickly involved as Graziano nods down a bomb forwards and JWP brings it forward before hitting a shot that was comfortably enough saved by Heaton and with that, a pretty boring first half comes to a close.  Burnley aren’t good and nor are we.

We start the second half well and Burnley are chasing shadows as we pass it about.  There’s a lovely move with incisive passing and a neat backheel set up by Davis and it ends with Mané showing his usual lack of composure and basic technique by leaning back and lofting an effort over the bar.  Not only that, he took it off of Pellè’s toe as he was about to lash it left footed.

Saints domination of the proceedings brings its reward on the hour mark as Bertrand runs at Boyd and the scruffy twat sticks a leg out and chops him down just inside the corner of the box.  Even Twattenburg has to give that one and he does.  I know that Tadic is going to take it – I don’t want him to and he’s not playing particularly well.  I want Pellè or Davis to take it but up steps Tadic and tries to slide it into the bottom right corner but Heaton guesses right and gets down to comfortably push it past the post.  Shit.  Tadic compounds the error by jogging across and taking a shit corner which we eventually win back and the move ends with Davis feeding Tadic and him scuffing a left footed shot wide.

We carry on playing decent stuff and another move switches from left to right before Tadic finds Pellè, perhaps accidentally in the box but he turns like an oil tanker and lashes on the wrong side of the near post and another chance goes begging.  Burnley are trying to play though and work an opening for Ings which he doesn’t quite get hold of but it still needs a save from Forster.  Then JWP gets the set piece blues and after we win a corner as Bertrand tried to hit a ball that wouldn’t come down, Prowsey lofts it miles over everyone and out for a goal kick.

Burnley’s keeper Heaton clears his lines as he creams it crossfield right to left and and out for a throw-in in our half in the right back position.  Heaton didnlt even mean to do it and is apologising too everyone.  Clyne takes it to Davis who cushions it back to him.  Clyney goes to smash it but is closed down by Ings and the ball hits the striker and bounces perfectly for Barnes.  He just hits it straight at Fraser but Alderweireld does a Yoshida and deflects it with his heel in at the near post past Fraser’s feet. Fucking hell.  We’ve dominated the second half, missed a penalty and they’ve scored courtesy of a big boot forward and a couple of deflections and it’s Ashley Bloody Barnes who is a fucking carthorse, bred with a  donkey.  He celebrates by cupping both ears to his own fans in the universally understood signal for “I’m an arsehole”.

Saints get a free kick straight from the restart as Mané gets taken out and JWP gets it right and puts in a lovely ball which Fonte heads straight at Heaton.  On 77 minutes and about 32 minutes too late, Shane Long is on for Mané in an attempt to rescue things.

People are getting frustrated now and having found themselves in front, Burnley are now wasting time, especially that scruffy little rat faced twat Boyd who is feigning some sort of cramp about three yards in from the touchline.  Get off the fucking pitch you wanker.  Twattenburg should of course make him get off the pitch if he needs treatment, which he of course doesn’t. Graziano decides to come over and help him off the pitch by coming over and shoving him in the back as Boyd does what looks like a Monty Python silly walk.  Twattenburg decides that he’s better actually do something and books Pellè first, then realises that he’d better book Boyd as well.  Well refereed you moron.

Once we restart we win another corner which we again overhit but we rescur it and teee up Clyney who fizzes in a shot at the far post which flicks off the post and wide.  Bollocks.  A big boom forward from Fraser and Burnley panic in defence and JWP curls it over a cross from outside the box and Big Vic gets his timing completely wrong and puts a free header into the crowd.  It’s not happening.

As Big Vic’s header disappears into the crowd, our chances of getting a point go with it.  Bloody hell – this is a bad one and once again we’ve thrown it away.  More possession, more chances, a missed penalty, a couple of lucky bounces of the ball and they score with a deflection and win.  Bollocks.  The turning point is of course the penalty miss and we as Saints fans are not used to missing them.  Le Tissier, Beattie, Lambert.  OK, we had a year of McGoldrick passing penalties straight to the keeper but in the main, a penalty has meant a goal.  I have never been less confident that we’d score since the McGoldrick days, as I was as Tadic stepped up.  I didn’t like his penalty at Arsenal in the cup which was tapped down the middle and whilst this one was better than that, if the keeper goes the right way he saves it which is what happened.  With the three penalty maestros we have had in the recent past, if the keeper went the right way they just got their fingers burnt as it sped past them into the net.  1-0 against this lot and they’d never have scored and we’d probably have won by 2 or 3.  As it was, we let in another shit goal and were then playing catch up like we have been in the last 4 games.

Having said that – we were unlucky with the goal.  Clyne’s clearance could have gone anywhere but it bounced perfectly for Barnes and the shot was going straight for Fraser until it deflected.  There’s no need to panic but the season begins to unravel if we fail to progress against Sheffield United in the Capital One Quarter Finals on Tuesday.  This of course is a game when we have to find some goals without Graziano Pellè.  The booking he got today was his 5^th of the season so he misses the Cup game.  His booking today was another dumb one, getting involved when that scruffy little rat bastard was time wasting.  Graziano shouldn’t have got involved and Twattenburg might have prevented this if he’d booked Boyd for time wasting which he only decided to do after he’d booked Graziano for shoving him.  Shit ref.

Ronald Koeman’s post-match press conference was the same story as for the Man United game – should have won, sloppy up front, gift goal.  Sean Dyche was decent in his appraisal, saying that we were a good side but Burnley earned their lucky today.  Fair enough – I don’t begrudge him that but it doesn’t sit well with me that we’ve lost to a Championship side.  Make no mistake about it – that’s what they are. However, they work hard and what’s not to like – I hope they stay up and shit like Villa get relegated. 

So, Sheffield United away at Bramall Lane.  Three weeks ago this game would have been a walk in the park but it isn’t now.  Make no mistake that we have to be up for it from the first minute and the first goal will be key.  No one apart from Graziano has looked like scoring recently and if we go one down, there will be a number of us wondering who the hell is going to score for us.  I wonder though if we are prioritising the Cup game ahead of the League game we’ve just played?  Morgan is rumoured to be back for this game but it’s Sadio Mané, Dusan Tadic and Shane Long who have to step up to the plate.  Maybe it will be Emmanuel Mayuka’s turn to shine. Nah – don’t be fucking stupid.

Keep the faith…

Premier League Match 15 - Southampton 1 Manchester United 2

Everything is Shit because we lost and so is this Jumper.

The big guns just keep on coming as we face Man United at home.  They are of course a club in crisis and turmoil, being as they are, 5th in the League and having spent about £200 million on new players this season.  Crisis.  Yep.  Supporters of the big boys who started following post-1992 really have no idea of what a crisis is.  Try League 1 with minus 10 points chaps.  Maybe it’s a crisis that the striker they signed and are paying about a quarter of a million a week to, is only fit for 20 minutes, according to Louis Van Gaal.  Perhaps that money could have been better spent on defenders to replace Vidic and Ferdinand.  Just a thought – sign the players you need rather than signing them because you can.

Van Gaal of course is Dutch and Ronald Koeman is Dutch and they don’t like eachother.  Basically, Van Gaal got installed as a Director of Football figure when Koeman was manager at Ajax and undermined him.  On Van Gaal’s autobiography, Koeman is described as weak and condescendingly called “little boy”.  Koeman doesn’t seem bothered that much but I bet he wants to win this game above all others.

To that end we are of course struggling with injuries with Morgan, Corky and JWP definitely out and Toby Alderweireld touch and go.  I can see us dropping Steve Davis further back and giving Harrison Reed a full debut.  United have injuries too, to Shaw and di Maria but the difference of course is that their resources are massive and playing a game every 3 days is not really an issue for them whereas we happen to be playing all the Champions League sized clubs in December, when the fixture list gets most congested and the bigger squads are most useful.  I think I’m making excuses before the game actually starts.

Monday night 8pm kick off and as things stand we’ve dropped to 4th in the league behind West Ham.  Let that sink in for a bit. Sam Allardyce. West Ham.  Fair play to them but we could really do with a win today.  A win against United is good at any time and we haven’t had one for a while.  In our first season back in the Premier League we had 2 defeats, last year we had 2 draws so this year of course, 2 wins is a formality.

Our team news confirms that everyone expected is out but Reed is still ont h bench with Tadic dropped into a deeper position and both Long and Mané starting.  Maya Yoshida is preferred to Florin Gardos in the centre of defence.  United have both Rooney and RvP up front, supported by Mata and a central midfield of Fellaini and Carrick which surely we can get at.  Both can only play if he’s given time and Fellaini is just crap.  There should be joy down the flanks against Valencia and Young as well and that’s before we get to a back 3 containing the youth of McNair and the lack of ability of Smalling.

There is a first when I reach the corner of the ground where the megastore is and some utter wanker is selling Saints/United half and half scarf.  That’s one reason why people hate United right there… the kind of people they attract.

To the game and away we go with the ball being passed to Fellaini and Big Vic is straight in and nicking the ball off him.  Get in.  With their 3 at the back, United look completely unconvincing and we’re having the better of the opening 10 minutes without looking threatening.  There are decent signs as Long easily beats Young to a Bertrand cross but loops the header over.  More good news is that Tadic and Pellè look like they’re up for it and getting on the ball and winning headers respectively.  Out of nowhere it all goes wrong and José turns blind and knocks a ball back towards Fraser but RvP has seen it all the way and nicked in.  Fraser comes and thinks better of it and gets back and we were all hoping for an Aguero where he saved it but no, van Persie squeezes it through his legs and it dribbles into the net.  Utter, utter shit.  They haven’t had a kick but are 1-0 up.  My son, aged 10, says “that’s what you always tell us not to do”, referring to my role as coach of his football team. Fuck.  Throw in, Row Z, corner, thump it 70 yards – anything but that. Fuck.

Stunned.  Anyway, on with the game and a bonus for United as Smalling is injured and has to goo off to be replaced by Jonny Evans.  After the usual period of nothing after letting in a shit goal, we have a couple of chances.  First we nick the ball off McNair in midfield and Mané drives forward. Tadic is on his left shoulder but he’s greedy and tried to bundle through and loses it.  Pass it or fucking hit it!  Pellè gets in a shot that de Gea catches comfortably and we have a glorious chance on 28 minutes to level as Tadic finds space and all he has to do is roll it in front of Long so he can smash it but he overhits it straight to de Gea.  United’s defending is shambolic though and we get another chance a few minutes later as Fellaini farts around with the ball and loses it to Steve Davis who drives forward and in a mass of tackles and deflections the ball eventually falls free to Graziano who lashes it left footed into the top corner of the net to make it 1-1.

Clyne and Tadic build down the right and when the cross eventually comes in, Mané competes for it and it drops to Shane Long in all sort of space.  He takes his time and lashes it on the volley over the bar. It’s shite, it has to be said.

We dominate the rest of the first half without making it pay and van Gaal, known as a tactical genious, removes McNair who has had a shocker with giving the ball away and puts on Herrera.  Carrick is obviously supposed to drop into the back 3 but no one has told him and he’s stood there with his arms out in the universally understood pose for ‘what the fuck am I supposed to be doing?’.  He fins himself initially in the right back position and Sadio Mané burns past him in a hare versus tortoise moment, only for the hare to fall flat on his arse.

 

Half time and the feeling is generally positive.  Aside from the stupid goal we’ve been decent and they’ve been shite.  Rooney and RvP have been quiet and Fellaini is up against Big Vic and is losing, massively.  With Carrick in defence there has to be something in this game for us.

The second half starts and the first chance is for an unexpected source as it’s Maya Yoshida who following a corner finds himself weaving into the box. He somehow, possibly by accident, slaloms past two players and it all opens up.  From a tight angle he needs to just put his foot through it but he freezes and does nothing, allowing a defender to knock the ball out and the twat with the whistle and the linesman looking right at it give a goal kick.

De Gea is called upon in anger five minutes later as Tadic finds space on the left and curls in a lovely cross straight onto Long’s forehead but the Irishman thumps his header straight at the keeper and a glorious chance is gone.  That has to be headed down and there’s no way he’s getting to it.  Another chance comes and goes on the hour mark as Rojo tries to dribble out of defence and loses it, the ball via Tadic finding its way to Pellè who connects well but lashes it over the bar.  United are shocking but they do win a corner and Rooney goes over to take it. It’s hilariously bad as he balloons it over everyone and out for the throw in on the other side.

We have a sub warming up and it looks like it’s Jake Hesketh who has never played before.  It’s a few minutes before he gets to come on and United get a free kick wide on the left.  On he comes for Tadic which is a bit of shock as Reed has not been used.  Rooney hoofs over the free kick from the left and it travels miles over everyone and Fraser is rooted to his line as RvP connects with the outside of his left boot from about 4 yards out and pokes it through his legs for 2-1. Oh fuck right off. How can a 6 foot 7 goalkeeper not deal with that – punch it, catch it, do something.  Having said that, no fucker has gone with him and it’s a free shot but it has to be a big shout from the keeper. Like at the Arsenal game, I take a big kick at the empty seat in front of me. Not happy.

We gamely go back on the attack and create a chance thought Clyne, Hesketh and Davis who gets into the box and from 15 yards decides not to shoot and passes it too far ahead of Long who is offside anyway.  Just fucking hit it!!!  Our next chance starts with Long losing the ball and hammering back into his own half to dispossess Squirrel Head who does the predictable beting of the fist on the turf when he doesn’t get a free kick.  Mané brings it forward and feeds Graziano and his snap shot from the left is superbly pushed aside by de Gea low down to his left.

There are 10 minutes to go and it’s time for some impact from the bench, only we haven’t got any as Mayuka comes on for Shane Long. He’s not had the best of games but I’m questioning Ronald on this one.  If Shane can still walk he’s more likely to contribute than Mayuka.  I’m done with this game, slumped back in my chair.  He’s shit, we’ve given it to them, their fans are twats, I hate everything.

85 minutes and the shit one pressures Evans into giving us a corner.  Eventually after it’s cleared we recycle it back to Clyne on the edge of the box and his effort fizzes about a two feet wide of the post.

Once the Clyne chance had been and gone there was a realisation that it wasn’t going to happen.  United took off Mata which served as a reminder to me that he was actually playing and Mané tried to make a contribution by launching a scissor tackle at van Persie which should really have resulted in him being sent off.  United got angry about a challenge by Fonte in which he clattered someone in the head with a raised arm and Squirrel Head managed to get himself booked by chasing the referee around and flapping his arms.   The End.

I think I must have been more pissed off at the end of a football match before but I’m struggling to think of it right now.  I was pissed off at The Emirates last week but nothing on this.  Fuck it.  A golden chance to beat United and we totally threw it away.  United created the square root of fuck all and we give them two goals from a stupid backpass and some dodgy goalkeeping.  United created nothing else and didn’t have another shot.

We were the better side by a mile but that didn’t take much to be honest and there were still major deficiencies in our play.  Our finishing is not clinical enough and there were times when we seemed to back off and allow Fellaini time to not look like the totally abysmal footballer that he is.  He still failed though.  Of course, our strength in depth and lack thereof bit us in the arse again.

I know I go on about him but Mayuka is complete shit.  He’s not a Premier League player in a million years and I doubt he’s even Championship standard.  I’d take Papa Waigo ahead of him and I’d certainly take Guly do Prado ahead of him. There is absolutely no debate – he is woeful.  There’s something wrong when Gaston Ramirez is warming the bench at Hull and not on our bench and we’re having to use shite like Mayuka and we have no alternative to Mané when he’s having a shocker.  Obviously J-Rod can’t get fit quickly enough but in the meantime, to me, Ramirez covers both wings positions and the No 10 position – I know he’s never really done it but he’s better than what we have on the bench.  I’m also a bit bemused by Jake Hesketh coming on.  Whilst it’s great to have another academy kid making his debut – what has Harrison Reed done wrong?  Seems that he’s not trusted to play the defensive midfield positions so where is he going to play if someone is promoted over him to play in an attacking midfield position.

An honest appraisal of United would be that they were awful.  Some nice passing in front of our defence when we stood off them but no threat and not much control.  Carrick and Fellaini are shite if you get in their faces and Fellaini in particular plays like he has callipers on his legs,  Just remember Scholes and Keane in midfield for them and then look at Carrick and Fellaini.  I thought Young and Valencia did well on the wings but the defence was all over the shop and bailed out by de Gea who was excellent.  Van Persie took his goals well of course after we’d presented them to him but otherwise, he and Squirrel Head huffed and puffed and created very little.

The line to remember from Koeman’s post match press conference was “everything is shit because we lost”. That’s a brilliant appraisal of things.  We played ok and were the better side but it’s all going to be for nothing if we throw the opposition a couple of goals.  In the last 4 games we’ve conceded 7 goals and only the one up at Arsenal has not been a glaring error by us.  Van Gaal acknowledged that United were lucky and we were the better side.  Is that any consolation? No it fucking isn’t.

Positives for us were that Pellè looked himself again and Tadic had a decent game.  Apart from the backpass, Fonte did a good job and Yoshida did what you expect a cover centre back to do – solid enough and no big mistakes.  Big Vic and Steve Davis were excellent in midfield in breaking up play but then there were still problems.   Mané and Long were generally poor with Mané either choosing the wrong option or falling on his arse and Long being at his unclinical worst.  He had two great chances  - a header straight at de Gea and the chance he lashed over the bar when he had loads of time.

So frustrating.  United were there for the taking and we threw it away.  One final point is that I feel that there has been a lack of belief that we could win our last 3 games.  We really should have got 4 points from the Arsenal and United games but we’ve got 0 which is fucking annoying. 

Next up we have Burnley away which is a great chance to repair the confidence and get things sorted.  They’ll be up for it and will test us but as long as we don’t throw any stupid goals in, we should be coming back from Turf Moor with 3 points.

I hate United.