Premier League Match 23 - Southampton 1 Newcastle 3

 

Well It Started Well

The game that Newcastle fans have been waiting for since the opening day this season, has now arrived. So incensed they were at winning with 10 men against us, that this game has been looming like some sort of obsession for them. It’s all a bit weird.   The incident that got them all revved up was of course Ben Brereton Diaz taking a dive when Fabian Schär stuck is nut in.   They don’t seem to be remotely interested in the cause / effect side of things.  Schär caused it by sticking is nut and Brereton Diaz produced the effect of throwing himself to the ground and rolling around like a little bitch.  I don’t think there’s a Saints fan out there who doesn’t think that our guy was embarrassing that day, but there were plenty of Newcastle fans who don’t think their guy did anything wrong, which is completely mental.  A recurring theme of the last few weeks has been mental gymnastics. The mental gymnastics that people do to try and arrive at different decisions when VAR is involved and in the way they defend the indefensible and this is a similar example.  You would think it would’ve been diffused by either the fact they won the game, the passage of time since then, the fact we are bottom of the league and going down, or even that fact the player in question has been loaned out by us to Sheffield United, but no, the Geordies are still fuming about it. Fucking weird.

They’ve been having such a tough time with it recently as well.  Nine wins in a row, which was only brought to a halt last week with a surprisingly heavy defeat at home by Eddie Howe’s former club, our friends from down the road in Bournemouth.  We got used to hearing from Eddie Howe all the time of course when he was the Bournemouth manager, and on Radio Solent all the time.  He was a moaning old bastard even then.  He must be under pressure to deliver this season at Newcastle and they have a pretty good chance of getting a Champions League spot given the flaky nature of the top of the Premier League.  It could well be very important that they do that because you can’t imagine that players like Alexander Isak, Bruno Guimaraes and even Anthony Gordon will be happy not playing Champions League football.

Having been beaten by Bournemouth last week, this is a course the ideal game for them to start another run with.  Saints have so far proven themselves to be completely incapable of stringing together 90 minute performances, so that will be the aim today and the Newcastle will be hoping to put another nail in our already nailed shut relegation coffin.

Ivan Juric was the bearer of bad news that his press conference when it emerged that came in Sulemana will not be fit for this game, nor of course will Tyler Dibling and our new signing, Albert Gronbaek be an option for next week but not for today.  The major news of the week of course was Gronbaek signing from Rennes in France.  He’s only been there since the start of the season but hasn’t settled and we will be hoping he brings his Norwegian League form to the Premier League. That’s a lot to ask for but we will be hoping that as a full Danish international, he will be able to bring something to the party. It sounds like he plays the same sort of position as Matty Fernandes, but whatever he is, he puts some of our lesser players further down the pecking order.  

Today, Saints have to front up physically against the gigantic units that are Newcastle and if we decide to have fifteen minutes where we collectively stop running, then this is going to be ugly.  Fifteen minutes until kick-off and I’m watching the warm-ups from the Chapel End. With the reconfiguration of the ground, I now have the opposition players warming up in front of me and some things immediately stand out. There’s the physical size of players like Burn and Joelinton, there’s also the speed and touch on display in their warmup rondos. Then we get to the shooting drill and every player is accurate and the ball is zipping into the top corners with the goalkeepers not given a chance. A quick glance at the other end sees a lot of shots closer to the moon than the goal. It’s about levels and standards.

The opening 10 minutes are all Newcastle, but we hold them at bay comfortably enough and eventually get a bit of possession in their half with Fernandes spreading the ball out to Jimmy Champo. His ball down the line finds KWP who turns back and sets it up for Champo to cross it into the box first time and Bednarek has ambled into the box and has not been picked up and rises to thump a header past Dubravka. Fuck me, we are 1-0 up.

I Wonder if VAR Noticed the Shirt Pull?

We take a bit of confidence from that, and Adam Armstrong gets the ball out onto the left before firing a hopeful effort straight at Dubravka. Newcastle start playing now and Fernandes gets booked for chopping down Livramento in full flight. The ball gets played into the box and headed clear to Bruno on the edge of the box and his cute reverse ball sends Isak through and he goes over in a heap with Aribo in attendance.  The ref gives a corner but he’s got the dreaded voice in his ear.

Errrr Sammy-boy, Stockley Park here

Yes, what?

What are you doing mate?

Corner – untidy challenge

Yeah, I know that’s what you’ve given but we’re looking for something… hang on

[Scotty hangs on for three minutes]…. Is it clearly and obviously a wrong decision?

Now, now Scotty, we don’t do fucking ‘clear and obvious’ any more

What do we do then?

We do ‘high bar’

What does that mean?

No one knows what it fucking means mate and one man’s high bar in another man’s low bar, that’s the point mate, it makes us unaccountable

So what you’re saying is that you’re going to tell me I’m wrong, and overrule me and all that ‘onfield decision carries weight’ stuff is bollocks, when you feel like it….

Fucking right… however, we’ll send you to the screen first to use up more time

Cheers lads
 
To the surprise of no one, it’s a penalty and it’s Isak who is on it and he isn’t going to fucking miss is he….. No, he isn’t and he calmly rolls it into the opposite corner to where McCarthy has gone. Shit.

Five minutes later and Tall Paul is pushed off the ball by Burn and the ball breaks to Murphy on the right hand side and the player who famously waived Caleta-Car off in the League cup semi-final a couple years ago, waltzes past Aribo and then slides the ball through to Isak who takes a ridiculous first touch before passing it into the corner of the net. Absolutely quality goal and there’s nothing you can do about that without spending Saudi levels of cash on a striker.

The game now has a chance of getting grim as Gordon picks out Joelinton in the box and he turns and smashes a shot off the post.  It was actually a really good save by McCarthy and it wouldn’t have counted anyway because Joelinton was offside.  Isak then picks up the ball in the inside left channel, before going for his hat-trick with a cross shot which McCarthy saves with his foot.

Samuel Barrott the referee has given us absolutely fuck all so far and there’s another one as Big Les breathes on Joelinton, which throws him off balance so much that he lunges in studs up on Tall Paul’s ankle. Nothing given and no review so that’s a Newcastle free kick. It seems that you can commit murder after the whistle has gone and get away with it.

Half time and it’s been ok.  Yes, we’re behind but at least we’re competing.  A couple of players are struggling with Manning unable to get away from the hardworking Murphy and provide any ammunition from the left and Arma has disappeared after a lively opening ten minutes or so.

The second half starts with Manning winning a corner off of Livramento.  With our new found power at corners,  there is a bit of expectancy as Fernandes whip the ball along the 6 yard line, Dubravka flaps it out and THB attempts to hook it back over his own head, but Dubravka gets back to make a decent save, pushing over the bar,

The next goal is of course going to be vital and we know that if Newcastle score it then the game is over and with that, the ball bounces in midfield for Tonali who gambles on himself to win it and heads it forward to Isak, one touch to Gordon and another touch to Tonali who has continued his run untracked by the FA Gambling Commission and he’s cleaned through and you can bet on Tonali… you can definitely bet on Tonali not missing… in fact it’s odds on that Tonali will score and you know that if he was allowed, he’d have money on it himself for a goal at any time and Isak to get the first goal.  Anyway… against McCarthy and he’s not going to miss and he doesn’t. 3-1 game over, betting slips handed in. Fuck.

Bruno Clearly Had Money On It As Well

Newcastle know that the game is over so they play within themselves from that point on and we don’t really do anything either, and it’s boring bollocks, punctuated with the odd Newcastle chance. Lewis Hall goes down on the edge of the box and is screaming for a penalty and maybe Bednarek is a little bit fortunate to get away with pulling him back. Murphy then takes aim from the edge of the box and McCarthy gets the slightest of touches to push it onto the post,

It's substitution time which is always a bit of a nightmare for us, but at least he’s picked the right two to come off with Ryan Manning and Adam Armstrong departing to be replaced with Sugawara and Archer.  Newcastle are still occasionally looking for another goal and Joelinton manages to fire the ball past McCarthy but Bednarek has got back onto the line and it kind of hits him and rolls away for a corner.

It's rolling eyes in the head time as the excellent Big Les is replaced with Smallbone, which Ivan is clearly only doing for shits and giggles.  85 gone and a big boot clear by McCarthy is misjudged by Schar and Fernandes is through against Dubravka and like with Tonali earlier, but without all the gambling gags, he doesn’t look like he’s ever going to miss and he pings it into the net to give us a fighting chance.  Oh hang on, we are off to fucking VAR again.

You’ve done it again Sammy-boy

What?

Given a goal … now we’re got to look for a reason to definitely allow it

Hang on… onfield decision is goal, surely you look for a reason to definitely disallow it

We do what we please mate…. Hang on whilst we check.

[Scotty hangs on for four minutes]

Offside Sammy… you’re wrong again

Even though Schar went to head it?

Yeah but we can’t prove he did touch it

Can you prove he didn’t touch it?

Don’t be smart Sammy-boy, disallow please.

Oh well, it could’ve been exciting for the last 10 minutes . Another overturn of the on field decision.  I bet we don’t come last of that particular fucking table this season.  In the event, nothing much happens in the last 10 minutes. Juric makes another joke substitution bringing on Lallana to partner Smallbone in the midfield engineless room and Ryan Fraser comes on at right back, which means that the calamity defending of Sugawara is now in the place where it can do most damage in the centre of defence.  Another couple of Newcastle chances ensue, with McCarthy again doing well to block a shot from Almiron.

And so another game ends in defeat.  Not too many complaints, as we were beaten by the better side and at least we kept playing for the whole game. We needed everything to go our way to get anything out today and not a lot did.  Two decisions went for us in real time but were both inevitably changed by VAR.  Both reviews took four minutes each, so clearly not obvious howlers.  Newcastle would probably have won anyway but we needed those things to go for us to make up the seismic gap in quality between the two teams.

The overturn by VAR call for the penalty was absolutely inevitable but I do question whether it’s clear enough to overturn it with the alleged high bar for overturning decisions and the original decision carrying weight and all that shit.  Yes, it was probably a foul by Aribo on Isak, but nothing with VAR should surprise anyone because they clearly make it up as they go along. Yes they probably got it right today by the clarity of the process to arrive at decisions is all over the place.  If the same thing happens next week, they probably wouldn’t give it and the onfield decision would be upheld and there is the problem. 

Newcastle’s goal at the start of the second half, which killed the game somewhat, was followed half an hour of absolute boredom before we thought we’d got a goal back through Fernandes and we might be in for a decent last 10 minutes… but no, the decision again went our way, and then they spent ages yet again looking for conclusive proof that the goal should’ve been given, instead of what they should be doing which was looking for conclusive proof that it should be disallowed.  A four-minute review for VAR again and offside.  We won’t have this shit to put up with for much longer and we won’t be singing “it’s not football any more”.  Another joke was that only five minutes were added at the end for a four-minute VAR check, six substitutions and a goal… and that’s before you even get to ‘normal’ extra time.  Not that I gave a shit because be it five or ten extra minutes, it wouldn’t have made a difference.

Outside of the VAR random decision generator, Samuel Barrott was fucking horrendous. He didn’t give us a thing in the first half and Dan Burn was allowed to throw Tall Paul around without a single free kick given against him and the incident with Joelinton’s lunge and high foot on Tall Paul wasn’t even looked at because Big Les has breathed on him a second earlier.

Well That's One Way to Stop Him

So, the quality issue.  Up front, they had Alexander Isak and Anthony Gordon and we had Tall Paul and Adam Armstrong.  The End.  Well it's not the end as they have better players all over the pitch but it's the starkest comparison.  It was hard to argue against any of the starters playing given what has transpired over the last few weeks but if you take a step back and look at the team, there are six Championship level players in there. One or two might play well enough, but the rest won’t and you are gonna struggle to win any games because of that. Newcastle were at full strength and it really showed.    Of the six, Alex McCarthy did pretty well and wasn’t at fault for any of the goals conceded and made three excellent saves.  Jimmy Champo, Tall Paul and Joe Aribo were ok without being outstanding, but Ryan Manning and Adam Armstrong really struggled.  None of those six should be in a first choice XI in the Premier League but here we are.

Having opened the scoring with a lovely cross into the box by Jimmy Champo and a header by Bednarek, we then continued to work crossing positions and then didn’t cross the ball.  It’s maddening.  The mindset from Russell Martin’s era is still very much present at times where we just don’t put the opposition defence under pressure, and instead we turn back to the halfway line with some grand vision of scoring the perfect goal.

Ivan Juric maintained his hundred percent record and though there are slight improvements, we are continually losing and there are still some mystifying substitutions going on. Ryan Fraser going right wing back and Sugawara to centre back, when he could have brought on ABK? Mental. Ending the game with a midfield of Smallbone and Lallana, whilst Flynn Downs doesn’t make it off the bench. What the fuck?  Juric can’t afford to lose next week.  It’s Ipswich away and if we do, I feel that getting less points than the all-embarrassing Derby team is very much on the cards.

Up the Fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 22 - Nottingham Forest 3 Southampton 2

Flynn Clearly Upset at Not Getting the Red Card He Wanted

If you just look at how Nottingham Forest have done this season with their recruitment and their performance on the pitch, it’s impossible not to be impressed by the way they’ve gone about things, currently sitting in the Champions League places after fighting relegation in each of the last two seasons.

However, the last two seasons and the way they’ve gone about it, have great significance into where they are right now of course. They are in their third season in the Premier League and the key, as we all know is surviving the first season. The way Forest did this was by spray recruiting over 20 players to bolster their squad for the first season, and it worked and they just about stayed up, whilst we ourselves took the drop.  They clearly overspent in season 1 and got punished for it last season, in season 2, when they were deducted points, what they had gained and the players they had signed in order to stay up the previous season, they managed to comfortably stay up last season as well, even with the deductions.  Such is the gap between the Championship and the Premier League, and the shambles that is the governance of the PSR rules, you do wonder if newly promoted clubs in the future will have a look at this and think it’s a worthwhile tactic.  Anyhow, this brings us to Forest’s brilliantly targeted recruitment this summer, that has seen them flying near the top of the league all season.

When we played them at St Mary’s in our first home game, it was seen as a game against a potential relegation rival. It’s somehow doesn’t seem so bad now that we were shit in that game and lost 1-0.  They play a game by defending deep and hitting teams on the break and it’s been working for them this season so far. The pace on the wings of Anthony Elanga and Callum Hudson-Odoi and the all round ability of Morgan Gibbs White, cause any team problems.  In addition they have that precious commodity, a centre forward who not only occupies defenders but scores goals in Chris Wood.  To get an Indian summer out of a striker who up until this season, had always been a bit of a journeyman, is absolutely solid gold for Forest.

The midfield and defence is strong as well with James Ward-Prowse currently the fifth choice central midfielder and the defensive pairing of Murillo and Malenkovic is as good as anyone.  The full-backs Aina and Neco Williams are strong as well. He won’t win the goalkeeper of the season award but Matz Sels, has certainly been the best that I have seen this season.

There hasn’t been any real news out of Saints this week after the Manchester United implosion.  Today is another game to see whether we’ve learned enough lessons to not get beaten this time around. Somehow I don’t think we’re going to be good enough to get anything today, especially given we’ve had 48 hours less than Forest to recover, which is a joke and another example of TV schedules coming before players, fans and integrity of the league.

Oh look at that – Forest are at full strength and we are not, having to rest Ugochukwu and Sulemana, who would definitely be playing if they were capable.  With Tyler Dibling injured there are three changes with Downes, Archer and Armstrong coming in.  I do not have much faith in that forward line I have to say.

Let Him Shoot Lads, See How That Goes

Away we go and a predictable pattern of us having the ball and going nowhere, with Forest waiting for an opportunity to break.  Ten minutes gone and Forest win a throw out on our right about ten yards in our half.   The ball gets thrown to Gibbs-White who lays it off first time round the corner to Anderson, who has walked away from the sleeping Fernandes and now he accelerates towards the edge of the penalty area with our entire midfield trailing in his wake.  None of the defenders come and close him down so he clearly thinks ‘fuck it I’ll have a go’ and has a shot from the edge of the box which flashes right into the bottom corner of the net. Fucking hell, we are shit.  Ivan is kicking bottles around on the sideline it doesn’t matter how much training and preparation you do if you are going to do something as monumentally shit as not tracking a runner and not closing down.

Another fifteen go by with some more propaganda football from us, which looks pretty but goes nowhere.  There is an opportunity in there by instead of shooting first time, Arma shows off his amazing Premier League first touch and the ball goes behind him.  Downes needlessly gives the ball to Jimmy Champo, who has Bednarek gesturing to him to pass it out to Sugawara, but instead of that he does Jimmy Champo things and plays it straight to Bednarek, who is not expecting it.  One shit touch later and Hudson-Odoi picks up the ball and drives towards the edge of the penalty area and just like the first goal, no fucker goes to close him down and he fizzes and unstoppable shot across Ramsdale into the corner of the net. Fucking wankers.

More propaganda follows until the ball goes up to Chris Wood, who knocks it out to Aina on the right wing. KWP can’t be fucking bothered to get anywhere near him and so allows the cross into the mixer and there is Chris Wood, totally unmarked by all three of our central defenders, rising to nod the ball powerfully down off the turf and beating Ramsdale‘s dive. Fucking wankers, again.  3-0.

KWP at least seems to be trying to make up for his mistake and goes up the left before close control takes him past two players but he drags his shot narrowly wide of Sels near post.  At least we’ve made him at least worry that he might have to do some work.  Time ticks around to 45 minutes and Gibbs-White keeps the ball in by our goal line and over steams Downes, who pulls off what I can only describe as a forearm smash into the Forest skippers’ face.  The ref Anthony Taylor, gives a free-kick and Downes gets a yellow card. Anthony Taylor can hear VAR in his ear.

Anthony, did you see that?

Yeah, overzealous challenge, yellow card, dealt with it.

Are you having a fucking laugh?

What do you mean?

The little blonde cockney twat has basically forearm smashed him in the face without looking at the ball once

Looked perfectly fair to me lad,  I’m the best referee in the country you know, just an honest challenge - a coming together.

I know what you’re doing Anthony.

What?

It’s that Howard Webb directive isn’t it? You know, we’ve given Southampton fuck all this season, so we can even it up now because it doesn’t matter anymore,

That’s right chaps. I fucked them when it mattered, so now they are relegated and have lost today already, we can chuck them a couple of bones, the soft Southern Bastards.

VAR, What Is It Good For?

I have absolutely no fucking idea how that is not a red card but anyway we get to half time without any further damage. That was honestly about as bad as it fucking gets.  The difference between the energy that Forest have got and the desire to cover the ground and the levels that our wankers achieve, is night and day.  We are absolutely shit in both penalty areas and our midfield can only be bothered when we are making our little propaganda passes in the middle of the pitch. Lose the ball and they just jog.

Anyway, Big Les is on at half time to replace Downes, and his suicide mission to get sent off has failed.  We start the second half a bit better but it’s Forest who are the more incisive and Elanga has a free shot from six yards which Ramsdale blocks and the rebound is thumped goalwards by Wood and Ramsdale saves again.

Armstrong and Archer are off after an hour of both being complete wank and are replaced with Sulemana and Tall Paul.  We at last look like we have a bit of purpose in attack and a deep cross comes in from Sugawara, it’s headed down by Tall Paul and Big Les lines one up but it’s going miles wide until it hits Bednarek in the middle and loops over Sels to make it 3-1.  Another goal for our current highest Premier League goal scorer.

Oh hang on, another VAR check…

Anthony, I can see from the first image that Aina’s foot is behind Bednarek when he makes contact with the ball

So it’s a goal then?

Hang on we better draw the lines because the licence for the etch-a-sketch runs out in a week or so, so we better get some use out of it.

[Time goes by, civilisations rise and fall.]

Okay, we’ve drawn the lines and Aina‘s foot clearly plays him onside.

Well done lads.

Straight up the other end go Forest and win a free kick out on the left. Elanga swings it in and Malenkovic heads it straight at Ramsdale but what the fuck is that? Ramsdale has finally been infected by the Saints virus and thrown it into his own net. Fucking hell. 4-1 but hey, ho, we’re off to VAR again.

What are we looking at lads?

Potential offside against Chris Wood, Anthony.

But he didn’t touch the ball.

I know that, but he was stood offside and he went towards the ball and threw himself into the pile of bodies competing for the ball – so I’d say he’s interfering with play, wouldn’t you?

But I’m the best referee in the country and I gave the goal…. Oh ok, so this one is going to get chalked off then?

Yes, but what we have to do is show enough replays and leave enough time so that every commentator in the world can do mental gymnastics and come up with stupid bullshit theories as to why this goal should be allowed.

I’ll go for a piss then while you do that

Hang on, we’re going to send you to the screen.

OK, that makes me look impressive.

Rambo gets lucky.  Once again that took a hell of a long time to give it a decision that was clearly going to be given one way. Call me a conspiracy theorist but they do seem to try and find every possible fucking reason to give the decision against us and with these two, there is absolutely no way that they could.

Forest have brought on a winger who looks like Jack Grealish if you ordered him off of Wish.  Jota Silva is his name and he heads down a ball to Wood about six yards out and he turns into the Wood of old and thighs it over the bar. 

Saints are still in the game somehow as we reach 90 minutes and there are twelve to go, probably due to a combination of VAR reviews and Neco Williams rolling around on the ground for no reason.  We get a free kick out on the right and work it quick to KWP. Who booms in a deep cross and Tall Paul rises majestically and thumps a header towards goal which Sels pushes around the post.  Forest appear to be shitting it now and it’s all us.  A few minutes later, and Sulemana drives down the wing gets past the full-back and hammers it across and Sels pushes it behind for a corner. What did they say about buses, wait ages for one and then two come along at the same time.  It’s the same as goals from corners as in it comes in from Fernandes and Tall Paul has totally lost his marker and absolutely thumps a header into the top corner of the net. The big man has done it last. Get in.

Legend Status Unlocked

They are definitely shitting it now and Nuno is regretting taking Elanga and Gibbs-White off.  Meanwhile, Big Les runs at the right hand side of the Forest defence and gets to the line before his ball across is bundled behind for another corner. In comes the corner again and Bednarek gets up and flicks it goalwards and it’s past the keeper and Aina somehow performs gymnastics to hook the ball off of the goal line. Fuck off. Can’t we even have one fucking game where someone from the opposition doesn’t do something fucking brilliant. Bastard.

As we approach the last minute of the 12, Smallbone goes forward and gets brought down but Anthony Taylor decides that a blatant foul is not a foul and allows Forest to break, which they do straight out the middle of the pitch but in complete contrast to the first half, Big Les gets back to snuff out the danger but all to no avail as the final whistle goes.

Balls… and a mightily relieved stadium of Nottingham Forest supporters breathes a huge sigh of relief for just about holding on against potentially the shittiest team in Premier League history. We saved face in that second half, but ultimately if you are as shit as we were in the first half , then any improvement is basically worth nothing because the game has already gone.

When we talk about Derby in the context of being the worst Premier League team ever, I find it hard to imagine that Derby were as bad as we were in that first half today. Our attack was absolutely fucking useless. Our defence were passive bystanding arseholes and our midfield was okay when they were passing the ball around under no pressure, but when we lost the ball, they were absolutely fucking useless. They seem to be a lack of effort, a lack of desire to run, a lack of fitness and a lack of anything that makes a half decent football team. The first goal was down to the midfield not tracking runners from a throw for fuck sake. The second goal was down to bad decision making and the third goal was down to absolutely no pressure being put on the guy crossing the ball and an unmarked centre forward. in addition to that, we were lucky not to be down in 10 men as VAR again proved it’s uselessness with Flynn Downs getting away with a forearm smash on Morgan Gibbs White.

Lesley Ugochukwu made a huge difference in the second half and we actually started playing.  We also started having some sort of threat upfront when the absolutely fucking useless duo of Armstrong and Archer went off. Archer is a good finisher and Armstrong is usually a willing runner but both of them are so shit at everything else that you need to have as a minimum requirement to be a striker in the Premier League. Sulemana and Tall Paul might just be the stereotypical big guy and quick guy combination, but with Tyler Dibling injured for the next month or so, they certainly put their hands up to be the forwards for the foreseeable future.

Joe Aribo was outstanding against Manchester United and he was outstanding again today and even ended up playing as a central defender as we chased the game. Flynn Downes played with aggression in the first half. The trouble was he was never close enough to any of the Forest players to win a tackle without leaving something on whichever Forest player he clattered into. As I said he was lucky not to get sent off for the challenge on Gibbs White alone but there were three or four others that could easily have bought yellow cards before that.

Defensively there was the calamity for the second goal which has I said, can at least partly be laid at the feet of James Bree who played a dumb pass.  He also winds me up the way he works himself into a crossing position and we have people in the box to hit, and then he turns back and passes it sideways. Wanker. Take a chance and put the ball in the box you never know we might score a goal.

Paul Onuachu’s goal today will probably end up being our highlight of the season. I love goals like that– an absolutely dominant brilliant header from the corner thumping into the net. I am really pleased for him and let’s hope it starts a little run of goals for the big man with Tyler’s injury. He should certainly be given more chances.

I’m going to give Ivan Juric a bit of a pass today because he doesn’t send his team out to make basic shit mistakes and not run like they did in the first half. The only thing I’m criticising him for is leaving Archer and Armstrong on after half time when they should’ve come off straight away at half time and the absolutely pointless introduction of Will Smallbone, who again was a liability when he came on, with his fastest running speed is as usual the same as his average speed. Just jogs about, which is not what you want when you’re trying to build a team with a little bit of intensity in it. 

There was a lot to like about the second half, but because of the first half, Forest were playing within themselves and just trying to see the game out. If you want to clear indication of that then look at the substitutions Nuno was making before our second goal. Yes, it would’ve been nice to catch them out but like with Manchester United last week, this is another ‘nearly’ performance. If we haven’t learnt by now that you’ve got to do it for 90 minutes and doing it for 45 or 75 just isn’t enough, then I doubt this group of players is ever going to learn.

Our quest to get the six points required to not be the shittest team in Premier League history, return to St Mary’s next week where we play Newcastle.  That’ll be easy then.

Premier League Match 21 - Manchester United 3 Southampton 1

 

Child Cruelty Part 28

Old Trafford, Manchester United, you know the drill. We go there with zero expectations other than trying to put up a decent showing and hoping that we get a decent shake off of whatever clown PGMOL have decided to send us today.  Don’t know about you, but I’m still haunted by the 9-0 shit show when Mike Dean and Graham Scott conspired to give every single fucking decision that they possibly could, against us. That was the game when I realised that officials would always favour the big club no matter what. It always used to be because Manchester United had Alex Ferguson and the referees were afraid of him or it used to be that Manchester United had 75,000 fans/tourists in the ground, so it was very intimidating but on that particular day, the less than intimidating Ole Gunnar Solskjaer was the manager and there was no one in the ground because of Covid and yet we still got completely barbecued. We would have still lost of course, but not 9-0.

Anyway, that’s all water under the bridge and Manchester United are having another season where they set out expecting to be in the top four and have spent most of the season around 14th in the table. They started the season with ten Hag and have now replaced him with Ruben Amorim and he managed to lose five games out of six not so long ago, but in the last couple of weeks they have shown signs of life, with a draw at Anfield and knocking Arsenal out of the FA Cup on penalties, even though they got absolutely battered in that game could easily have lost 4-1.  It always seems to be luck or a bit of individual brilliance that gets them over the line.  They never seem to actually play that well.

That’s the story of today – United will give us chances and we have to be good enough to take them. They will be looking at this game as one where they can prove that they can comfortably put away teams near the bottom of the league. They seem to have no problems raising themselves for the games against the big boys but in the games that they really should be winning easily, they seem to struggle. Bruno Fernandes has made mention of this during the week so it will be interesting to see whether they pay any attention to him. I feel that United will want to get this game done early so will probably tear into us with everything they’ve got at the start of the game. We need to stand up to this and wait for them to drop into their usual lazy-arsed approach, which will hopefully give us chances to get something out of this game.

Things all got pretty lively in Southampton after the game against Swansea. I have been pondering for a few weeks what Dragan Solak made of it all, specifically the fact that we were in our second year in the Premier League under his tenure and had been even worse this time round than we were the first time. Directly after the Swansea game, it became apparent that the Dragan had awoken.

After the first relegation, Dragan inserted himself as a Director of Sport Republic, which was seen at the time has him wanting to get nearer to the decision-making that was going on around the football club.  Wealthy people do not generally allow others to piss away their money.

The two main men in Sports Republic, Rasmus Ankersen and Henrik Kraft had been separated with Ankersen the Chairman of Goztepe and Kraft the Chairman of Saints.  Dragan Solak’s latest power-play is to remove Henrik Kraft as chairman of Saints and insert himself there, promising to change the football related management at the club which has been a bit of a void ever since Jason Wilcox left in April. Russell Martin was left with no one directly to report to and also left without a voice that he trusted from someone who had played at the highest levels of the game. I can’t help but think that Wilcox, or a similar replacement, would’ve helped greatly in the transfer window in the summer and would also have helped at the start of this season and maybe Russell Martin would’ve listened to a voice that he trusted and not, fallen down the pitfalls that meant we had such a terrible start this season. We will never know what might have been, but it does look that Dragan has decided that as well, and that Henrik Kraft was responsible for that.

Dragan and Henrik in Slightly Happier Times

Whatever the reasoning, this is undoubtedly Dragan indicating that he is not happy with the way things have been going. Henrik Kraft never really made many public utterances for me to form an opinion with any solid foundation, but he and Rasmus always seemed to me to be possessing of the kind of arrogance that makes you think you can be brilliant at anything you turn your hand to.  As we know, football is different.

Team news and there is just a one change from Swansea, with Sugawara coming into the team instead of Manning, which gives us the corridor of uncertainty down the right with Yuki and Jimmy Champo.  Sulemana is given a chance to bring his Swansea form to the big stage.  United are missing Maguire but don’t feel too sorry for them because they have £52 million 19 year-old Leny Yoro to take his place. They are also missing Dalot through suspension and his place goes to Amad Diallo.

With both teams basically playing the same 3-4-3 formation, there was going to be some individual battles to be one out there and Aribo and KWP give Sulemana the ball for his first challenge against £52 million Yoro. The newly confident Kamaldeen lines him up and pisses past him before taking aim of the far post and Onana gets a strong hand to it.

There’s another shot on target a few few minutes later as our Fernandes flows through the middle haven’t been put away by Aribo, who has started the game really well. Matty carries it to the edge of the box before trying to score against his former Sporting managers’ new side, but Onana saves this one comfortably.

£72 million Hojlund has started the game like an absolute fucking binfire with trampolines for boots, but he does get a run on Bednarek in a wide area and shows a clean pair of heels to the Saints captain before teeing up Garnacho by the penalty spot who puts it wide in casually shite fashion.

You Simply Have to Score That

One of my least favourite players in the Premier League is Lisandro ‘The Butcher’ Martinez who is just a bit of an arsehole really, so it is lovely to see Dibling take a short pass from Bree and spin past him, driving into the penalty area and he forces another excellent low save from Onana with the rebound falling to our Fernandes who takes a touch and from 6 yards… blasts it straight at the fucking keeper again. Fuck off.

We might only have 6 points but we’re so much better than them.  We create again by using the tried and tested child cruelty route, as THB plays one down the line and Sulemana lets it run, spins round and Yoro has gone for a hotdog, and the reborn Saints winger is away.  He lines up de Ligt and cuts inside a clumsy arse tackle from the Butcher before curling his effort wide of the post. Shit.  We are so going to pay for all these missed chances, you just fucking know it.  Not just yet though as Bruno Fernandes, who is done fuck all so far tries a skimmer from 30 yards, which Ramsdale easily picks up.

Our First Goal From a Corner Since Time Began

A cross from our Fernandes causes chaos as De Ligt heads straight up in the air and the ball eventually finds its way to Aribo on the edge of the box. He tries to feed it through to Sulemana, but de Ligt gets across to concede the corner.  Something’s got to give you feel. Saints never score from corners and United are shit at defending them. Inswinger from our Fernandes, flicked on by Dibling at the near post and it hits Ugarte’s back and the flailing Onana can’t keep it out. Fuck me we finally scored. We need one of their players to do it for us, but we have finally got the ball in the net.

You would think we would be looking for half time now, but no, we win the ball high and Aribo’s dribble towards the edge of the penalty area is picked up by Dibling, who to smashes it first time but unfortunately it’s straight at the keeper who beats it away.

Half time and we have, not to put too fine a point on it, been brilliant. The only thing missing has been the fact that we haven’t scored the three or four goals that we deserve. We have made United look incredibly ordinary and look the more accomplished side all round.  Are we going to be able to keep it going? Are they going to be just as shit.  Amorim made a change at half time but unbelievably, he left Yoro on the pitch, with Mainoo being replaced with £80 million Antony, the spinning top.

Antony announces his arrival with an effort over the bar early doors, before we’re back to business and it’s child cruelty time again as Aribo and KWP combine to flip the ball over the top of the ponderous Yoro for Sulemana to run onto again and he allows Yoro to get back, because he knows he can just piss past him again and his shot is blocked by the diving de Ligt.

Saints have got a nice balance today between passing the ball out from the back without playing suicide ball, and being direct.  Big Les finds Sulemana again and here we go again, this time flying past Yoro on the outside, before getting into the penalty area and taking him at the far post once more but rolling it just wide.

You know we are going to pay for this eventually and it seems that the time is here as Arsehole Fernandes sends Garnacho away down the left and his low cross perfectly picks out Antony at the back post and with Ramsdale on the deck, he manages to slide in and pass it straight back to Ramsdale rather than knock it into the empty net that was a yard in front of him. What an £80 million twat.

Ha ha ha... shit!

The tide is beginning to turn somewhat though and Garnacho lets fly from the edge of the box and it’s comfortably saved by Ramsdale.  Tyler Dibling seems to have picked up a knock and the substitute coming on is … what the fuck… Will Smallbone.  Tyler has been playing on the right side of two attackers with Sulemana on the left, and this change sees Smallbone go to where Fernandes was and Fernandes, probably our best player, is moved to the right.  I don’t understand that one I have to say, seems like a pointless reshuffle. Five minutes go by and Adam Armstrong and Flynn Downes are on for Fernandes and Aribo.  I think this is quite possibly the best game I’ve ever seen Aribo have in the Premier League, and I don’t really understand why he’s gone off.

Another United attack and Zirkzee puts Arsehole Fernandes through, and he tries to dink it over Ramsdale as he comes out, but it hits the Saints keeper and we get it away again.  Then Arsehole finds Amad out on the right wing, and he runs at KWP, tries a shot, gets a lucky deflection back to him and he buries the rebound past Ramsdale. Fuck sake.

Now, I don’t know what the fuck is going on in Ivan‘s head at this point but he takes off the immense Lesley Ugochukwu and  the defensive leader Jan Bednarek and replaces them with Tall Paul and Nathan Wood. This means that Smallbone drops into the midfield two, where I can 100% guarantee he will be shit.

We get to the 90th minute and Amad goes down the right before playing a ball in field to Eriksen, who casually chips over the defence for Amad to run onto and with an excellent first time volley, the ball flashes past Ramsdale and United have got out of jail. Fuck.

We do show slight signs of life with Jimmy Champo putting Sugawara away down the right and his cross is blocked for a corner by Collyer. In comes the corner from Yuki, and THB meets it and it’s going goalwards but unfortunately it hits Downes and goes wide for a goal kick.

As time runs out, we have a throw on our right which we work back to Ramsdale.  He knocks it to THB who takes the worst touch you’ve ever seen and presents Amad with an easy run in to the net for his hat-trick. Fucking hell.  Ultimately the goal doesn’t matter, but it’s so fucking annoying. Full-time verdict, we were brilliant for 75% of the game without taking our chances and then we absolutely fucked ourselves.

I know at the end of the day this makes absolutely no difference to any chance we have of staying in the Premier League, but if I didn’t get angry about defeats like this individual games, then it would mean that I didn’t care anymore and I do care.  I care that we were brilliant for 70 minutes apart from the putting the ball in the net thing, and there really looked to be only one winner in this game. We were holding United at bay fairly comfortably and had a real attacking threat and looked as likely to score again, as they did to equalise.

Fucking hell, did we miss chances though?

Sulemana had £52 million Yoro absolutely on toast every time he got the ball and he knew it. What I liked about Sulemana was that he drove at Yoro every single opportunity he had but the finish just wasn’t there, either putting it too close to Onana or putting it wide. Tyler Dibling brought a wonderful save out of Onana as well and Fernandes had a free shot of the rebound from about 6 yards and managed to blast it straight at the goalkeeper again. It’s probably no coincidence that our goal had to be put into the net by a United player.  We should have been three up at half time.

The second half continued in the same vein with Sulemana making Yoro look a horrendous player but then the injury to Dibling saw a completely unnecessarily complicated change.  We were playing so well, so do a like for like instead of messing the team about. From then on it just collapsed and the goal threat dried up. Joe Aribo was replaced with Flynn Downs, which doesn’t sound too bad on paper, but Downes was clearly not fit and Aribo was having his best game of the season. Next, the excellent Fernandes was replaced with Adam Armstrong but when United had got back level, the absolute mind-fucker was the spine of the team, Bednarek and Big Les, taken off to be replaced with Nathan Wood and Tall Paul, a move that meant Smallbone going back into midfield where his inability to run was going to be even more exposed than Leny Yoro’s inability to run.  Six minutes later and it’s 3-1.

The third goal was from horrendous mistake by THB, which wouldn’t have happened if it was still 1-0 and was a shame because he had had a tremendous game up to that point. Amad Diallo scoring a hat-trick for United is fitting because he was literally their only attacking threat.  Once again, it’s individual brilliance that does it for United against lesser sides.

Though I wasn’t over enthused with the starting 11 with Sugawara and Jimmy Champo starting, it has to be said that those two, as well as Joe Aribo had tremendous games until it all went to shit when we started emptying the bench. We just don’t have enough good players to be able to make five substitutions. That is the long and the short of it it’s just so dispiriting that we can go to Trafford, be the better side and then shoot ourselves in the foot. I was unavoidably reminded of the Leicester City home game this season when we were winning comfortably until we started making substitutions. Back in that game, Russell Martin made five substitutions, with every single one of them making us weaker and today Ivan Juric repeated the trick.  He got the starting team right but the in-game management… not so much.

Our Substitute Midfielders Were Not Great

There seems to be an assumption amongst managers these days that making a load of changes at the end will make the team stronger because it adds energy. If you bring on substandard players and take off very important ones, then the disruption it causes is going to outweigh any energy that is brought, if any is brought at all.  Smallbone can’t run and is the worst substitute you could possibly bring on if you want to add energy. Adam Armstrong is basically crap at this level, Nathan Wood is inexperienced at this level, Paul Onuachu is largely crap and Downes was coming back off of an injury so wasn’t up to full speed.   I do hope Juric wasn’t looking at the Nottingham Forest game and trying to save players for that. There are a million managers who have lost the game in front of them because they are looking at the next game, Saints needed to get over the line today and that would’ve had a huge impact, much more than saving key players League for a few minutes.

I will never understand the substitutions that the manager made today but in his defence, at least he recognised the fact that they didn’t work, saying that he expected much more from the players who came on. I know he’s new to the club and all that, but surely some of the coaches who have been there a while could have told him exactly what Tall Paul, Armstrong and Smallbone were going to provide.

Had we won here, we would’ve gone into the weekends game at Nottingham Forest feeling good about ourselves, but as it is, it’s another, mentality catastrophe which the players have to recover from. I think we know what the starting lineup will be. Maybe we should make it play 90 minutes if we possibly can.  We were amazing for 70 minutes but there's a world of difference between being able to do that and being able to get over the line in the Premier League.

Up the Fucking Saints