Premier League Match 25 - Southampton 1 Bournemouth 3

Man for Man Marking, Until It Isn't

Bournemouth makes their way east to visit St Mary’s for the biggest game of their season. It’s not our biggest game of the season but everyone knows that. I maybe could’ve understood their fans getting over excited about it a few years ago because they were never anywhere close to us in terms of league position, but times have certainly changed this year in particular.  The chasm between them and us is still huge because they are miles better than us. Bournemouth are currently sixth in the division and can have realistic hopes of qualifying for Europe next year and maybe even sneaking into the Champions League. Saints on the other hand, are shite.

Saints journey into the abyss has been well documented but how did Bournemouth, complete with their 11,000 capacity shed, get to the stage where they can be sixth in the Premier League?   They have undoubtedly recruited well and made good decisions over a period of time but another factor is timing.  The first time they got promoted, they broke all the new FFP rules and all they got was a small fine once they were in the Premier League. This was no doubt paid off by the mysterious Maxim Demin, a Russian ‘businessman’ chap who was their owner at a time when mysterious Russian ‘businessmen’ chaps passed the fit and proper person’s test for football club owners and no one really cared where the money came from.

Eddie Howe eventually got them relegated and then they hilariously gave the manager‘s job to the walking teeth and suntan that is Jason Tindall, they took five minutes to realise that was an error and wrote off the rest of the season under Jonathan Woodgate.  They then appointed Scott Parker and his cardigan, who got them promoted again.  They realised quickly that Parker was shite in the Premier League and was trying to get himself sacked, and so appointed Gary O’Neil who managed to keep them up, before they, in a move reminding me of us ruthlessly swapping Adkins for Pochettino, appointed Andoni Iraola, who after a shaky start has emerged as one of the best managers in the Premier League. They stayed up last season and now are amongst the 17 clubs ring fenced by the current PSR rules. Timing.

I admit this all sounds a little bit bitter and twisted but fair play to them for being as good as they are. I’m only providing a bit of historical context and none of the above matters right now and no one really cares. They are where they are this season on merit and it should be appreciated just how good they have been. Manager of the season will of course be Arne Slot, but if the award was actually for what you achieve with the resources you have, then Andoni Iraola, along with Nuno Espirito Santo would be 100% in the running.  Currently, Bournemouth have a team that is the envy of virtually every club who didn’t apply to join the European Super League and a couple who did, cough Man United and Spurs.  A perfect blend of youth and experience with pace and power all over the pitch, all overseen by the aforementioned Iraola. You would normally expect them to be picked apart in the summer and they might lose one or two, but it won’t be anywhere near as bad as it has been in the past for teams who have overachieved their stature, due to the aforementioned PSR restrictions.  Timing… Pre-PSR, you would expect them to struggle to hold onto Sememyo, Kluivert, Adams, Kerkez, Huijsen and Zabarnyi, as well as Iraola of course.

Is it a derby? Boring question asked every time we play them… still no.  I will be interested to see if there is any heightening of the security around the newly reconfigured away end at St Mary’s. I would be very surprised if there is.  There will be for Pompey at home next season.  

It’s a sad state of affairs at the moment. Previously, a home game against Bournemouth would’ve been seen as a real opportunity to get three points against the team who are going to be down near the bottom with us.  However, I see this now as a game where we might get something out of it if absolutely everything goes our way but equally, we could well get absolutely battered. A lot of course depends on which Saints team turns up.

Ivan Juric’s press conference this week yielded the information that THB was not going to be fit, which means Juric has to make a decision as to who the third central defender is going to be alongside Jimmy Champo and Bednarek. It will be interesting to see if he thought last weeks shambles was a success in that regard. Personally I want to see Welington at left-wing back. The Flynn Downes situation has not repaired itself when it has had a week to do so, which implies to me there is one, if not two grown men on either side of this argument acting like complete fucking dickheads. There was also a very large hint that Tall Paul would be in the side today, which will hopefully mean more of a midfield three and Paul upfront with Sulemana or Dibling. We could play a back four… which we should do, but we won’t.

Bournemouth have had a lot of injuries this season and as a result at the moment are playing Lewis Cook at right back. There are not many weaknesses for us to attack but if you had to pick one then that would be it. For us to win this, Sulemana has to run him ragged and also has to have some sort of end product to either assist or score a couple of goals. Kepa is a strange goalkeeper as well, capable of looking like one of the best in the world one week and then looking like Bambi with gloves on the following week. We have to hope we get him on a bad day.

The game against Bournemouth at their shed, earlier on in the season was the first time when I really thought Russell Martin was losing the plot. It was a great day, containing as it did, being mocked by the Bournemouth manager and players after the game when they quite rightly pointed out that they’d rather have chances than possession and that they knew we would doze off and give them a goal at some point. It was the start of us becoming a laughing stock. A win today would go a long way to at least stopping that talk, and then Champions League qualifying form until the end of the season and we might stay up… ha ha ha.

So, anyway, I’ve just parked the car and I’m just sat in the car listening to the radio, waiting for the team news and here’s Adam Blackmore reading out the names and he reads out with Smallbone starting alongside Aribo in midfield.  Passers by might have been slightly confused to hear me shout ‘fuck off’ at very loud volume but such as the life of being a Saints fan at the moment. Yes indeed, Will has been picked in a two-man midfield with Joe Aribo, a combination which never worked when we tried it in the Championship last season and once again I find myself clinging to the faintest of hope that maybe it will work today.  Maybe Fernandes will play deeper so the lack of running, tracking and pressing won’t be such an issue, but deep down, I know it fucking won’t work. Tall Paul is in the side and the spare central defender, as in the totally unnecessary one, is Nathan Wood.

With the Bournemouth fans over to my left as I sit in the Chapel, it’s amusing watching people come in and have absolutely no fucking idea where they are supposed to be sitting. Oh, that would be the away fans in the home end phenomenon, last seen at home to Newcastle.

Bournemouth, as you expect look the more confident as the game starts but the first time Saints get the ball, Sulemana takes on Lewis Cook and gets absolutely trashed and that’s a yellow card for the makeshift right back. Well at least that gives us something to go for.

Another ten minutes go by Kerkez bundles past Tall Paul on the left before his cross is cleared out. Bournemouth pick the ball up and it goes wide left to Christie, who curls it in with his left foot and there is Outtara, in between Bednarek and Wood to head the ball into an empty net from six yards. Three central defenders, one centre forward and he’s managed to get away from all of them. Fucking pathetic and 1-0. This could get really ugly really quickly.

Barely two minutes later and Bournemouth build down our left, with Cook’s pass infield being intercepted by Bednarek, who turns and shanks the clearance out as far as Kluivert about thirty yards out.  A touch left to Christie who smashes it into the corner of the net from the edge of the box. Ah, that’ll be the fat lady singing for this particular game then.  Wankers.

Don't Close Him Down Then, Let Him Shoot

With that, Juric makes a tactical switch and Sulemana is moved over to the right hand side so we don’t even have the entertainment of him running at Lewis Cook anymore. Another break from midfield inspired by Christie and Kluivert gets in ahead of Wood, but Bednarek rescues the situation. Fernandes is trying his best in midfield and he spins past three players before flying forward and finding KWP whose low cross towards Tall Paul is cleared by the Zabarnyi.

Semenyo decides it’s his turn to terrorise us and turns past Jimmy Champo who falls over in slapstick fashion. Because out man-to-man defensive system has gone to shit with that action, Smallbone tries to cover and Semenyo chops past him and Smallbone dives on his face leaving Outtara with a free shot at Ramsdale, which he blocks from an angle.

Half time and that was absolutely fucking shit. A normal manager would be changing the formation now and making a couple of substitutions. We do get the second part at least, with Welington and Wood being taken off for Big Les and Sugawara.   KWP has gone to the left-hand side and Big Les has joined Smallbone in midfield, with Aribo dropping into the back three.

KWP tries to make a difference at the start of the second half but his cross is blocked back out to Smallbone who passes the ball across the pitch straight to Kluivert, who is not wearing a red and white shirt.  Off he goes, bursting through the middle and finding Semenyo on the left and he dances past Aribo, Bree and then Sugawara and smashes it and Ramsdale pulls off a brilliant save to knock it over the bar.

Over comes to the corner and an unmarked near post header by Christie and Ramsdale claws it out of the top corner. Another brilliant save.  We try and take advantage with Dibling picking up the ball in midfield and he turns past three players before finding Tall Paul who falls over the fucking ball.  Great feet from Tyler and drunk giraffe feet from Paul.  All part of the plan though and we eventually win it back through Aribo who gives it to Tall Paul who this time, doesn’t fall over but pokes a pass to Sulemana, one touch, bang, goal, where the fuck did that come from?  Great strike.

No One Knows How This Happened

The arrogant gloating from the Bournemouth fans to my left has gone a bit quiet now. There are ten minutes of normal time to go and we are flying forward.  Bournemouth have clearly taken their foot off the gas and are now struggling to put it back on.  We try and help them as Huijsen puts in a cross from the left and via Bednarek’s sliced 50p-head attempted clearance that goes sideways, KWP tries to head back to Ramsdale but loops it over him and Rambo has to take off again to push it over the bar.

Normal service is resumed as Scott puts Semenyo through, who knocks it to Tavernier, who cuts inside KWP before absolutely drilling it past Ramsdale to make it 3-1 and give the scoreline what it deserves. Oh well, ten minutes of being half decent, but that’s all folks. Game over.

We tried hard for the last fifteen of the game, but we are so limited. Fernandes is trying his best in particular but the game has gone. We are not good enough and that’s all there is to it.  Aribo and Sulemana are given a few minutes off, with Manning and Archer somewhat pointlessly coming on in their place and all there’s left to do is to listen to the Bournemouth fans singing songs about us. They definitely have more songs about us than they have about themselves and I think they have more songs about us than we’ve got about ourselves.  Enjoy it while it lasts boys.

Well, what a 100% predictable pile of shit that was. Depressingly inevitable in every way it was always likely to happen anyway but then came that team news. Oh my God.  The pathetic booing of Will Smallbone as he got substituted tells you that he is the latest in a long line of Saints scapegoats but let’s get this right, he is what he is and it is not his fault he gets picked to play from the start today. That is 100% on the manager.  I’m not having Ivan‘s excuse that Lesley needed a rest. Bullshit. If you’re going to make a decision to play Smallbone from the start then own it and don’t pretend like you had no other choice.  The fact that Smallbone was on a lot of the set pieces tells you that this had been planned for most of this week. As I’ve already said, it’s not Will’s fault that he is just not good enough to be a Premier League player in a team like ours. He’s not bad when we are on the ball and he did some good things today when we were trying to build up but that game was predictably lost in the first 20 minutes with him and Joe Aribo totally failing to get to grips with the Bournemouth midfield and therefore providing no cover whatsoever for the defenders behind them, who admittedly didn’t do themselves any favours either. So when you have only two central midfielders and one of them is an absolute liability when you haven’t got the ball, and he other isn’t great either, it is going to be absolute carnage.

You end up with the situation that we had today where Tyler Adams is completely free to orchestrate everything from the base of the midfield and Justin Kluivert is completely free and Bournemouth can find the spare man at will.  Most of the time that was Ryan Christie and two superb bits of wquality from him decided the game in the first half.  We tried our man to man marking thing with Bree on Senenyo, Bednarek on Ouattara and Wood on shuttle runs between where he should be and where he was, disappearing up his own arse not knowing where he was supposed to be.

So, three central defenders and yet Outtara is completely free about 10 yards out to nod the first goal into the net.  Three at the back quite often means that no one takes responsibility because they’re all waiting for one of the others to do it.   This is if they haven;t been dragged out of the defence to follow their man.  The man Bednarek is supposed to be marking scores the goal but the first thing he does is turn around and try and blame Nathan Wood, who is admittedly not marking anyone.

Bednarek tried to take some responsibility for the second goal and went out into Wood’s channel to go and clear the ball but he unfortunately shanked it right back into the middle of the pitch to Kluivert and one pass later Christie smashes the second goal into the net. That’s Christie who was supposed to be picked up by one of our midfielders. Honestly, it’s absolutely criminal.

Bournemouth switched off after the second goal and we got to halftime just the two adrift because of this. We didn’t do a thing to suggest that we were going to get back into it. Our one route to anything positive was down the left-hand side where Sulemana had been hacked down by Cook in the first couple of minutes to earn the Bournemouth man a booking. In the event of the second goal going in, Juric swapped Sulemana to the other side where he was completely ineffective and Cook was allowed to play the rest of the first half with no fear of accidentally getting a second yellow.

The opening half an hour of the second half was completely shit as well with nothing much happening aside from Ramsdale pulling out two ridiculous saves to keep it at two. Once we took Smallbone off and partnered Fernandes with big Les, we suddenly looked like a functioning team again with Sulamana out on the left and he duly scored his first goal of the season out of absolutely nowhere to make us think just for a second that we might get back into the game.

Ramsdale Knows He Just has 14 More Games of This Shit

Though they were a bit panicky for a few minutes after our goal, all it did however was make Bournemouth realise that they had to wake up, which they did and it didn’t take long for Tavernier to blast in the third goal that finished everything off.

For the second week in a row, Ivan Juric did himself absolutely no favours. Playing with a back three in this manner is consistently killing us. We concede an average of three goals a game and we don’t really create much going forward. I can only be envious of the way Bournemouth set up with all of the areas of their team working in unison to attack or defend, depending on the situation in front of them. There is no doubt in my mind that Bournemouth could’ve won the game much more comfortably than they did today.  Bournemouth are basically a very very good side and we are not. We are shit. We have some shit players and we have a shit manager not a great combination.  Two of our better players, Tyler Dibling and Big Les were left out of the team today and instead of that we had the likes of Nathan Wood, Will Smallbone and Jimmy Champo shoehorned into Ivan’s one and only way of playing.  If there has been a worse back three in Premier League history than Wood, Bednarek and Bree, then I would be absolutely amazed.

It was almost like he’d not given a single thought to the threats Bournemouth were going to provide.  One v One defending against a team with players who will run at you at every opportunity.  Yeah, that’ll work well.  Unathletic midfielders against quick technical midfielders – great idea genius.  If Iraola was going to pick a system and a way of playing to play against, then what Juric put out there against him was it.

Bournemouth were predictably excellent and apart from the right back, who is only playing there out of absolute necessity, have the correct player in every single position and they all know exactly what they are doing. One thing I didn’t appreciate before the game was the fact that the front four Bournemouth players are all capable of taking all the player and beating them.  They virtually never turn back which meant that our man for man defensive model was always going to struggle. Semenyo gets the ball for example and even if he has a player in front of him, he just takes them on.  If he beats a player then that means a defender has to leave their man to come to you and then you have the choice of taking on the second player who is scrambling, or playing a 1-2 with the newly free player.  The amount of last-ditch tackles our defenders have to make is crazy. Traditionally, the way to play three at the back is to have two players marking and one spare to sweep up behind. If everyone is marking someone, which is our system, then you need a midfield player to drop in or a full-back to cover around and we just don’t have that.

Ivan Admits That Our Midfield Didn't Work

Juric admitted that the midfield pairing we had out there didn’t work. No shit Sherlock. I thought he was paid money to know what might and what will definitely be shit. He trotted out the usual bollocks about it looking good in training but there are two problems with that. One is that you are playing against our own players who aren’t very good and two, they are playing at training level intensity and pace. Time to revisit it your Flynn Downes spat you fucking idiot.  He’s not perfect by any means but he’s much more suitable for the midfield role.

Most alarmingly, he also blurted out that you need to have dynamic players to play the way he wants to play. Am I alone in finding this an absolutely incredible admission because he’s basically saying that playing this way isn’t going to work with the players that we have. Since day one it has been obvious that playing this way requires two dynamic players in the centre of midfield. We have two of those who could possibly fulfil that role in Flynn Downes who is currently banished and Lesley Ugochukwu, who apparently needed a rest after the game seven days ago.  I am really beginning to hope that Juric is just a placeholder until we get a proper manager in in the summer. I cannot imagine either Dragan Solak or Johannes Spors are impressed with these quotes.

Not that it matters but we play Brighton at home next week. I was looking at this as a potential win up until they beat Chelsea 3-0 and we produced this stinker of a performance. Will it be us getting past Derby’s 11 points record low or will it be the final part of a triumvirate of shit home performances in three consecutive weeks. I know what I would have my money on.

Up the fucking shite Saints

FA Cup 4th Round - Southampton 0 Burnley 1

 

Can Manning Shoot with His Right Foot?

FA Cup 4^th Round and Burnley at home, a team currently residing in the automatic promotion places in the Championship and part of the same yo-yo group of clubs that is rapidly forming beneath the ringfenced Premier League Seventeen.  The yo-yo teams include Leicester, Ipswich, Saints, Burnley, Sheffield United, and probably Leeds… Too good for the Championship, nowhere near good enough for the Premier League.

Last time around in the Championship, Burnley blitzed their way to the title under the management of Vincent Kompany, by playing possession based football and generally being very entertaining. When they got to the Premier League, they tried to play the same way, with players who weren’t good enough to do it at higher-level. Sound familiar? They too have changed their style completely and now have the super pragmatic Scott Parker as their manager and are currently in the process of trying to bore everyone to death, including their own fans, in getting promoted.  Ten 0-0 draws have blighted their season and they must be testing the patience of every Burnley fan.  You know how it goes, you can have shit performances but get results and people will tolerate it but the moment you stop getting results then there is absolutely nothing to keep the fans on your side.   I kind of feel that if you are one of the yo-yo clubs, you do need to provide some entertainment in the Championship because your fans have usually just endured a horribly shit season in the Premier League and are looking for some respite.  Burnley have had a shocking season last year and this year at a lower level, it’s a bore-a-thon.

League form is largely irrelevant today.  Burnley have only let nine goals all season but you can expect precisely none of the regular goalkeeper and back four to be playing today, because for Burnley it is all about promotion and rightly so.  They had a midweek game a few days ago and they’ve got one straight after today’s game as well, so this game would be a low priority for every manager, let alone a risk-averse one like Scott Parker.

There are many connections between the two clubs in terms of players but when you look at it, we’re unlikely to see anyone playing against their former team.  It would be a shock if Nathan Redmond made a rare appearance for Burnley after virtually two years of being injured and unlikely that Jack Cork will take time off from coaching Burnley under-21s to have a run out.  Jay Rodriguez would have played in this game, but he moved to be an extra in Deadpool 4 at Wrexham in January. 

On our side of things, Charlie Taylor won’t be making an appearance for us I wouldn’t have thought and nor obviously, will Maxwel Cornet, who has gone to be shit somewhere else on loan?   THB is unlikely to play today after his ‘injury’ last week.  Do we still talk about #FreeTella?  Let’s not.

Ivan Juric seems to not give a single shit about resting players for the FA Cup and you can expect Saints to be strong today, though having picked up a couple of injuries in defence last week, it will be interesting to see who he brings in.  Bednarek and Bree are certain to play in the back three and the other one probably should be the lesser spotted ABK, though Nathan Wood is apparently fit. I hope that one of these options or Ryan Manning is used ahead of Joe Aribo starting there.  Kamaldeen Sulemana and Tyler Dibling will be in contention in the attacking positions though I would expect them to be kept back until the second half.

It's rare that a team is in a position where the league campaign doesn’t matter much, and they can really go for it in the FA Cup but that’s where we find ourselves with the league position being what it is.  Having won last week though and with no game until next Saturday, I expect Juric to treat this as if it was a Premier League game and pick his best possible side to win it.  Momentum is key, especially with this being the first of three successive home matches and after beating both Bournemouth and Brighton, we’ll be talking about the Greatest Escape, not.

Aha… completely wrong on the team with both Kamaldeen and Tyler starting.  Tall Paul is on the bench which means no actual striker.  Manning has indeed been brought in to the back three and once more, there’s no place for Flynn Downes on the bench which is not good news.  At a quick count, Burnley have changed eight players so this is definitely there to be won.

At kick off, it’s obvious that it’s not Manning who is the left central defender but Welington, which seems like unnecessary dicking about.  The new man is called into action straight away as Burnley breakdown the right feed the ball across and with no one near him, Benson drills it past McCarthy but Wellington gets back to clear it off the line, straight back into the grateful arms of the goalkeeper.

Saints first effort comes from Sulemana picking up the ball and doing what he does, turning and running at the defence. He’s clearly fouled as he beats the second player but the ref doesn’t give it and the goalkeeper produces a shit clearance out to Manning, about 15 yards out but unfortunately it’s on his right foot and the keeper blocks is effort which loops up in the air falls down to Dibling his volley is a bit of a shin-roller and is going wide anyway before it was cleared.

In the centre of midfield Burnley have Hannibal Mejri, who used to play for Manchester United and he’s obviously got that United favouritism going on with the referee as he fouls at will and gets away with it.  However annoying he might be though, his energy in midfield is stopping us doing anything much.

We are not bossing the game at any point though and long ball up towards the lumbering Ashley Barnes, who hooks it over the top the defence and Sarmiento and Bree are competing for the ball until Bree predictively does fuck all and Sarmiento goes through and drills the shot straight at McCarthy who makes a decent save.

Half time and that was a shit half of football.  We really don’t look like we have much idea of how to break them down and to be honest, Burnley have been the better side. At the moment, this is just looking like one long old afternoon.

We start the second half of a little bit more energy. A quick throw by Jimmy Champo finds KWP down the right his low cross squirts along the line to Dibling, who lays it back to Manning but it’s on his right foot again and he drills it straight at the keeper.

The period between 47 minutes and 75 minutes passes with nothing happening. Burnley seem happy to play for extra time and we seem absolutely incapable of winning it.  Aribo is trying to make things happen by dropping deep but when he does that, there’s no one to pass too further forward, and we are just going sideways and backwards and not going anywhere.

Tall Paul comes on for the lifeless Tyler Dibling but nothing much happens. We don’t change our style of play in keeping with the fact that we’ve brought on a giant striker to replace a winger. This is really looking increasingly clueless.   Someone like Lallana could be useful, but of course, he can’t come on because the game might go to extra time and he can only play five minutes.

Burnley attack down the left with Sarmiento. His shot is blocked up in the air by Bednarek,. Hannibal is the only player to react and he lays it across the goal for Edwards to take a touch three yards out and smash it into the net. Fucking embarrassing but not surprising.

With 13 minutes plus extra time to go, there is zero prospect of an equaliser unless something changes.  Nothing does for the first ten and then it’s Smallbone on for Ugochukwu.  Another five minutes of nothing and with a whole four minutes to go, Fernandes and Sulemana, probably our best two attacking players, are off for Gronbaek and Archer and Burnley bring on Nathan Redmond for a few minutes.  We do nothing to try and get a goal - no crosses into Tall Paul and no urgency.  At one stage we have six players on the left and we plod about before passing back to Bednarek, then back out to the left and then back again.  Slow, passive, shit.  The four minutes extra are soon up and we cross it into the box and out for a goal kick. The keeper smashes it up the middle and that’s the end of that. Dreadful

Welington Trying to Make Things Happen on His Own

Well, what a load of absolute shit that was. Absolutely fucking clueless from start to finish. A deserved defeat against Burnley reserves and all done in the most clueless way possible.  Burnley scored with fifteen minutes to go and in that remaining fifteen minutes we put two balls into the box that were both shit and that was it. No urgency, no plan no substitutions that made any difference, no changes in tactics.

Oh yes, the tactics. three at the back against teams that we should be beating at home is 100% not the way to go and the worrying thing is that Juric would want to play this way in the Championship. Fuck right off.  In our history, Saints have successfully played three at the back once I think, in 1994 under Alan Ball.  It’s actually okay if you are looking to be defensive if you are looking to attack then forget it.

With no Tall Paul in the lineup today we needed to pass the ball through the thirds and get the ball into the feet of the attacking players or into the channels. That was made more difficult by some weird tactical shit going on meaning Joe Aribo dropping into the back three and no one taking his place in midfield which meant that Big Les was the only person you could possibly be passed on the ground if you wanted to go forward.  If you’re only playing with a two in midfield then they both have to fucking be there.  So, if Les was marked, then we were left with playing Russ-ball, passing it along the back six as was. When Aribo did drop into that position, Wellington went wide and Ryan Manning might as well have gone for a piss, because he never got the ball and was never involved. Fucking shambles. Maybe stick to the basics?

Even when we were slightly brighter in the first half, Burnley still looked the more likely to score. This is Burnley by the way, who bore everyone to death on a weekly basis. They forced more saves out of McCarthy than we did out of their keeper.  If Burnley had been more inclined to pull the trigger from the edge of the box then the margin of victory probably would’ve been more. It was just so shit.

Tyler Dibling was very quiet today and Sulemana was bright in some passages of play but there was no end product as per usual. Matty Fernandes spent most of the game in front of the ball and not being given it, as marginalising your most creative player with your tactics is always a good move.  Fernandes still managed to be one of our best players along with Welington.  Big Les was ok, as was Bednarek, but it’s slim pickings.

The starting lineup was weird. I could’ve understood if he played Manning as the left side is central defender but putting Wellington there seemed completely unnecessary. On top of that of course, the ’no centre forward’ thing does my head in.

Substitutions were once again done on rotation with no thought about changing the game and either trying to force openings while it was still 0-0 or getting back into it when we went behind. We didn’t try two up front at any point and didn’t do anything. I get annoyed with people leaving early on a regular basis but once the goal went in we all could’ve fucked off because the game was done we had nothing that was going to open up a well organised defence.

So, in conclusion, that was a majorly bad day for Ivan Juric and if you made me decide right now, I would not have want him to be our manager in the Championship next season. As we discussed a couple of years ago, in the Championship, you have to go out to win 25 games and you’re not gonna win 25 games playing three or five at the back and not having the faintest fucking idea how to attack.

I guess one positive is that the pricing that was put in place for this game meant it was only 17,000 empty seats this time round instead of the 20,000 we had in the last round, so that’s a win. Slow handclap everybody. I cannot blame anybody who didn’t go.  The 17,000 who didn’t occupy the empty seats were the lucky ones today.

There was a chance today to build some momentum and get a second win in a row before two successive home games against Bournemouth and Brighton but momentum is for other teams, certainly not us. We are like the coyote in the roadrunner cartoons.   Just when he thinks he's winning and in danger of actually doing well, he falls off a fucking cliff.

Ivan pictured with all the fans who agree with his post-match assessment

In his press conference after the game, Ivan actually said that he thought we played well and he had no problem with the way we played. Fuck off mate. That was absolutely fucking shit if you’re still there with a turd in your hand and everyone can see that it’s a turd in your hand, don’t try and gaslight everyone into thinking it’s something else. It’s a fucking turd mate,  If you think that’s a good performance then you can fuck off.

After he had come out with that little gem, he then got asked about Flynn Downs continuing absence from the squad and basically said that he had had a shitty attitude and we had turned down an escape from the club in January, presumably to Ipswich. There are lots of angles to this of course, but basically Flynn has been a massive disappointment this season. I wanted him to be our Roy Keane midfield general who is going to drive the standards of all the other players in the team but he’s been pretty poor, not helped admittedly by Russell Martin trying to make him lead the press in midfield and also be the deepest midfielder protecting the defence at the same time. His performances under Ivan Juric have so far been absolutely shit. He was part of the capitulation late against Manchester United and he had that first half against Nottingham Forest where it looked for all the world that he was trying to get himself sent off.  I wonder if that game was straight after the tantrum.  It looks like Flynn is being a dick but regardless, I really don’t see the benefit of going public with this from the managers point of view.

So, our stalled momentum takes us into next weeks league game is against Champions League chasing Bournemouth. What a fucking sentence that is.

Up the fucking Saints

Premier League Match 24 - Ipswich 1 Southampton 2

 

Ivan's Seldom Seen Victory Celebration

A trip to Portman Road to play Ipswich Town in a game that should be vital for both teams chances of survival this season but as we all know, it’s only vital for one team and it’s not us. As a result, there will probably be more pressure on Ipswich and if they have any serious ambitions of staying up this season then this comes into the category of “must win” for them. For us, it’s a game where we could potentially get our first point under Ivan Juric, before we win 10 matches in a row and end up on the fringe of the Europa League places.

Ipswich of course, got one of automatic promotion places last season having only arrived in the Championship the year before from League 1. The spirit and ability to play to the 95th minute got them through several games last season and it’s no surprise to me that they have made the best fist of attempting to stay in the Premier League out of the three promoted clubs. They also of course had a bit of an advantage because they had more scope to spend money both in the summer and in January because they weren’t up against it at all regarding PSR, having come up through the divisions.  Both Saints and Leicester were carrying heavy losses from their previous relegation and were therefore restricted, not that that seem to stop Leicester spending money of course because they are cheating fuckers who have got away with it.

Ipswich have made a better effort at doing what you should do when you get promoted, in that some of the players have got them here who are not quite good enough for the Premier League are now squad players and they have improved the starting XI with some quality, unlike us, who signed a load of players with the same intention but our new players ended up being worse than the guys they were bought into replace. The main headline signing for Ipswich was of course Liam Delap.  Apparently a transfer fee was agreed with Manchester City by both Ipswich and ourselves, but as Liam stated in his interview afterwards “Ipswich wanted him more“, which probably translates to, Ipswich offered me bigger wages. That’s the way football works we will probably never find out but the failure to get that deal over the line does shine the light on what the hell our recruitment was doing in the summer and who was in charge of it. Who was it who tried to lowball Delap and his representatives and why did we miss out?  We apparently almost missed on Flynn Downes to Ipswich as well, despite holding every card imaginable in that particular chase.

The other big name they bought in was Kalvin Phillips, who was in England regular not too long ago but has fallen from grace somewhat by moving to the graveyard that is the Manchester City bench. This move to Ipswich was to get his career moving in the right direction again and after a slow start, he is beginning to make headway in a central midfield partnership with the invisible man Sam Morsy, who is invisible only to referees because we will undoubtedly notice all of the fouls he will commit today. 

Leif Davis at left back is a player that we need to be fearful of, with his attacking play down the left but we also need to target him because we saw last year at Portman Road, what a dreadful defender he is. Last year we played James Bree against him and that went predictably well with Bree being partially or fully responsible for the first two goals we let in, before getting sent off just before the 97th minute winner that Ipswich got.

That thing that they’ve got of scoring late goals, also came back to bite us at St Mary’s earlier on this season, with Sam Morsy’s 95th minute deflected equaliser. At the time we thought that if we had won that game then it may have made a difference and we would’ve pushed on but I think that now we now know that our squad and management has just not been good enough and it wouldn’t of made a whole lot of difference.  It would have got us two points closer to the unwanted Derby record, however.

Our summer business as once once again been in the spotlight.  It’s very noticeable that two of the players who we brought in, in the summer are now out of the club at the earliest possible opportunity. Ben Brereton Diaz has gone to Sheffield United on loan, and it’s very unlikely that he will be coming back at the end of that loan period and Maxwel Cornet has gone back to West Ham to be loaned out somewhere in France. That’s two players who we brought in to be part of the first XI this season there has been some noise to about Cameron Archer, who Leeds have been sniffing around, Charlie Taylor and even Flynn Downes.

Saints have bought in Albert Gronbaek who will probably play today at some point, but there has been no one else, not even using up the additional loan opportunity we now have from the Premier League. Ivan Juric was very matter-of-fact about the lack of prospect of us getting getting anyone in to help.

Juric’s name of course came up in an interview with Dragon Solak that was broadcast on talkSPORT during the week, when Solak of course backed his manager to be at the helm next season as well.  In reality, that statement means fuck all because he’s hardly going to say anything else. The the bottom line is that he needs to win some football matches because he hasn’t even managed to draw as yet and today is probably as good as chance as he’s gonna get.  In case you haven’t noticed, next week we are playing Champions League chasing Bournemouth. What a fucking sentence that is.

The pre-match press conference revealed that we have a few players returning to fitness for this game with Aaron Ramsdale, Kamaldeen Sulemana and Tyler Dibling all being in the frame. New left back Welington was also mentioned and will be in the squad, as well, the returning talismanic defender, Jack Stephens after missing half the season through suspension after getting sent off for a thigh high tackle, calling the refereee and fourth official ‘cunts’ and pulling someone’s hair.  All that.generally translates to being a dick.  Then there was another month or so through injury. Captain, Leader, Legend.

The referee today is Michael Oliver who of course made a horrific mistake in sending off an Arsenal player last week for a professional foul 80 yards from goal. Gone are the days when PGMOL used to stand referees down for making horrific mistakes, but they probably feel that they have in a way, because they’ve given him this game instead of the game he was supposed to be doing, which was Arsenal against Man City.  Joking aside, he is still refereeing in the Premier League so it’s no punishment at all and we wonder why refereeing standards don’t get any better.  More reason why Howard Webb should resign or be removed at the end of the season.

Team news and it’s new player time with both Welington and Gronbaek starting.  Sulemana and Dibling are on the bench, which has a lack of Flynn Downes, which is a bit odd.  There is also no Cameron Archer which is not really a surprise given the Leeds interest.  Ipswich have left out Phillips in favour of Cajuste and have Muric in goal, who got dropped earlier on in the season for reasons of being shit.

To the game and Ipswich make the better start as befits the team that has to win.  Brighton loanee Enciso nicks the ball off of Big Les in midfield and takes aim from the edge of the box but comfortably save by Ramsdale.  It sets the tone for an average opening twenty minutes where there’s no threat on either goal.  Hutchison tries to take on Welington a couple of times and both times is turned to dust by immaculately timed tough challenges.  Not today pal.

The lack of goal threat all changes though as a ball up towards Tall Paul is headed out to THB who fires it in to Fernandes, out to KWP, back to Fernandes and the cross spoons up off an Ipswich defender and lands on the edge of the box,  There are two players attacking it, both wearing a yellow shirt and Aribo gets there before Gronbaek and keeps the volley down and it bounces up and seems to go through the hands of Muric and one fucking nil, get in!

Air Aribo

Ipswich create a chance as Hutchison decides against taking on Welington again and chips it early to the back stick and it’s headed down by Broadhead and flicked over the bar by Delap, with Bednarek doing just enough.  Five minutes later and Broadhead tries to be provider again and this time from the middle of the pitch, he kind of scuffs a ball through midfield and Delap has stolen a march on Bednarek, skips past his ‘red card in waiting’ lunge and calmly gives Rambo no chance.  Fuck it.

It then gets positively entertaining for five minutes (relatively speaking), with new boy Gronbaek having two shots in succession well blocked and then Delap sends Broadhead through on the left and he tries the dink over Ramsdale which is easily blocked and in conjunction with Big Les, Rambo snuffs out any danger from the rebound.

Wellington’s excellent start to life in the Premier League takes a knock as he trashes Hutchison on the edge of the box to the right.  Enciso tries a right footed curler around the wall at the near post but it’s comfrtably wide but the Ipswich pressure keeps coming with Hutchison again shooting straight at Ramsdale from twenty yards.

Welington Meets Michael Oliver

The last five minutes are pure carnage near our goal as we eventually clear a corner and THB goes down under pressure from no one.  He’s been having a shocker of a game so far, all shite passed and moaning, and I am unavoidably reminded of ABK going down for nto much every time he waqs having a shit game.  Anyway, THB is back with us and there’s another almight scrambkle in the box as Bednarek makes a mess of clearing a cross under pressure and there are bodies required to be thrown at Broadhead to block the incoming shot.

Half time and 1-1.  It’s the usual combination of disappointed to have lost the lead but happy to be level.  Our attacking play has been shit to be quite honest with us looking for Tall Paul too early and even if he wins it or controls it (he does neither very often) then there is no support and the ball just comes back.

Captain Jack is back for the start of the second half, with THB presumably not fit to continue.  The opening ten of the second half doesn’t have much other than Cajuste smashing an effort at the moon and Enciso slicing another effort over the bar…. And Captain Jack is off again injured and Janny B has the armback back.  Is this ABK time?  No… it’s Will Smallbone… of course it is, which means Joe Aribo in the back three.

Saints eventually have a little bit of pressure with Fernandes finding Jimmy Champo on the right and his shot is deflected wide.  The corner amounts to nothing and soon it’s time for Sulemana to come on for Gronbaek.  The direction of the game is still largely towards our goal and Ramsdale keeps out a low strike from Delap with his foot before Tall Paul and Big Les combine superbly to give the ball away in the middle of our own half and the referee Michael Oliver gives a free kick as Broadhead goes down.  They take it quickly and Bednarek trashes through Delap with Oliver playing the advantage and Enciso completes his ‘all fart no shit’ as he picks up the ball and from the edge of the box, bobbles shot straight to Ramsdale.

It’s time for another of Ivan’s mystifying substitutions, with Big Les going off to be replaced with Adam Lallana and it was going to be Dibling coming on but Welington has chosen the moment of the substitution to collapse in a heap with cramp, so instead of whoever, he’s off and Sugawara is on.  The midfield of Lallana and Smallbone on paper, is not the most convincing I’ve ever seen.

87 minutes Ipswich sub Clark trashes Fernandes in midfield but Michael Oliver is consistent and allows us the advantage with Lallana finding KWP on the left.  On it goes to Sulemana who runs straight at Tuanzebe, who shites himself as he runs backwards,  Sulemana cuts inside walking pace Morsy and shoots.  Muric has taken a step towards the middle of the goal and has to dive back to the near post to parry it out and reacting first is Tall Paul to slam it into the net.  Mental.

The Tall Paul Redemption Gathers Pace

It's in the remaining ten minutes that we see how limited Ipswich are as they offer nothing.  Any attack is easily repelled and though we never look in control, it’s as comfortable as it’s ever going to get.  Time ticks by and it’s 97 minutes as Aribo wins a free kick out on the left and Michael Oliver blows his whistle.

And there we have it, we won a game to move up to a whole nine points and avoid unpleasant club records like losing seven games in a row. There is still time for that this season of course but not today.  Up the Premier League we go, not.

As a game, it was very scrappy, between two teams who really don’t have much idea when they got in the opposition penalty area. There have been times this season where we have defended the penalty area terribly but in the main today we were decent in that regard and up front, we had enough to take advantage of some terrible goalkeeping by Muric, who allowed Aribo’s goal to bounce through his hands and parry the low shot from Sulemana straight to Tall Paul‘s feet for the winner.

Ipswich were the better team at the start but didn’t really causes any problems and we scored with what was basically our first attack. There was a stroke of luck about it as Fernandes cross was deflected high up in the air. The difficult part of it as far as Aribo was concerned was to keeping the ball down, which he managed to do and as previously said, the keeper was an absolute ass clown.

The Ipswich equaliser only took ten minutes to arrive with Delap running through beyond our defence and finishing with these. There was a large slice of luck with how the ball got to him as well as Broadhead scuffed the pass when tackled by Aribo and it just happened to go in the perfect place for Delap to run through.  Bednarek didn’t cover himself with glory and an accusation of ballwatching could easily be made.  Our 1v1 defending model is always going to be prone to having some disasters if players doze off even for a second.

Having lost THB at half time to an ‘injury’ – more on that later, we lost his replacement Jack Stephens within 10 minutes and I’m not going to lie, bringing on Smallbone at that point left me with as much hair as the substitute as I tore all mine out, with Joe Aribo dropping into defence. The fact that both Stephens and Aribo were preferred as central defensive options to ABK, tells you all you need to know about that particular issue . Smallbone, as we all know, can’t run and he can’t tackle because he never gets close enough to an opposition player to engage, but somehow we stayed in the game mainly because Ipswich couldn’t really create anything clear cut.  Enciso looked dangerous as already said, was the very definition of all fart and no shit, when it came to the key moments.  The substitution that did work was bringing on Sulemana for Gronbaek, and the new man’s pace against the painfully crap Axel Tuanzebe lead to the shot that Muric spooned straight out to Tall Paul. The eight extra minutes passed by, relatively problem free and fucking hell we won a game. Ed Sheeran can write a tribute to Tall Paul for his next album.

I was pleased for so many of our players. Joe Aribo was our best midfielder and when he got shuffled into the back three, he was the best player there as well. His performances can be very up-and-down, but today was one of the good ones and you can see why Ivan Juric starts him every week . I was particularly pleased for Tall Paul scoring the winning goal. He had played the whole game on a diet of balls coming down from the Suffolk sky with snow on them and had been given absolutely no support by anyone else for the rest of the game, so for him to be as knackered as he was and still react quickest score the winning goal, is a great moment.

The new guys both played well. Welington showed enough to suggest that he will certainly make the left back role his own for the rest of the season and Albert Gronbaek had some good moments, though he faded in the second half which is never a surprise on your debut.

The negatives were mainly THB, who was fucking atrocious. The tone was set from the first few minutes when he passed the ball directly out of play and immediately blame the player nearest to the imaginary player that he had passed to. If you fuck up, you need to own it and not blame anyone else. Forty minutes of whingeing and moaning and generally being shit later, led to the moment when he just went down to the penalty area with nowhere near him and though he came back for the rest of the first half, it was absolutely no surprise when he came off at half time. I question, given his attitude in the first half, how injured he actually was. I can’t imagine his potential father-in-law Roy Keane would’ve been particularly impressed and maybe some wise words from Roy will lead to Taylor drawing a line under it and moving on to next week.

It was a good day for Ivan Juric as well and he deserves it.  It was his first win of course and also the first time that he had not been on the losing side in the Premier League.  He made some brave decisions today from the starting XI through to the substitutions and I didn’t agree with all of them but they came off and we got the job done.  Some more of that earlier in the season and we would be better off than we are of course.  The one win today in isolation won’t make a huge difference to the outlook for the season as a whole but it’s just nice to have a good day.

Up the fucking Saints

Deadline Day Incoming

PS - Transfer Deadline Day happened, only we didn't really take part in it - no one arrived anyhow.  I think it's fair to say that we were expecting something after Dragan Solak's recent pledge to support the manager but not a thing, not even filling the loan slot from the Premier League, vacated by Maxwel Cornet's return to West Ham.  I wonder if Ivan Juric feels supported?  He says (out loud anyway) that we are still working towards staying up but the lack of support doesn't really scream that message.  I am not surprised and I don't expect Ivan is either.

Anyhow, more interesting was the outgoings with Sam Amo-Ameyaw departing on loan before departing for good to Strasbourg, a kind of nothing side in the French league.  Most people expected him to go on loan but few expected the obligation to buy for a relatively low fee.  He joins the recently departed Jimmy-Jay Morgan, Kami Doyle and Jayden Meghoma as players who have shown promise either in the U21s or fleetingly at first team level, before deciding to almost force an exit by refusing to sign contracts. Such is life but the warning for Sam is that the other three players mentioned were in a rush to move and are currently playing in League 2, League 1 and the bottom end of the Championship.  You can never predict what will be the case in three years time with these players of course but right now, we aren't missing out on anything.  Saints rightly have a good name for providing a pathway for first team football but it seems now that these lads just want Southampton on the CV up to a point.  They all seem to be in too much of a rush to go for me.  We could regret the decision to sell Sam but then, on the balance of probabilities, I'd say it's more likely that he'll regret it.

Arma Celebrates a Move to the Championship

Meanwhile,  Gavin Bazunu has gone out on loan to Standard Liege, which is great move to enable him to get some games before coming back to fight Alex McCarthy for next years No 1 jersey.  Also, Adam Armstrong moved on loan to West Brom in the Championship.  To be honest, he wasn't going to play much for us this season under Juric so it makes sense because as we saw last year, he'll be a force in the Championship for us next year and even if we decide to let him go in the summer for whatever reason, we at least retain control up until that point with no obligation to buy agreed with the Baggies.  As with Russell Martin, if this is the end then we'll always have Wembley.  It's a fall from grace for Arma from that day, but that's two and a half Premier League Seasons where it hasn't happened, so it really is no surprise.

Premier League Match 23 - Southampton 1 Newcastle 3

 

Well It Started Well

The game that Newcastle fans have been waiting for since the opening day this season, has now arrived. So incensed they were at winning with 10 men against us, that this game has been looming like some sort of obsession for them. It’s all a bit weird.   The incident that got them all revved up was of course Ben Brereton Diaz taking a dive when Fabian Schär stuck is nut in.   They don’t seem to be remotely interested in the cause / effect side of things.  Schär caused it by sticking is nut and Brereton Diaz produced the effect of throwing himself to the ground and rolling around like a little bitch.  I don’t think there’s a Saints fan out there who doesn’t think that our guy was embarrassing that day, but there were plenty of Newcastle fans who don’t think their guy did anything wrong, which is completely mental.  A recurring theme of the last few weeks has been mental gymnastics. The mental gymnastics that people do to try and arrive at different decisions when VAR is involved and in the way they defend the indefensible and this is a similar example.  You would think it would’ve been diffused by either the fact they won the game, the passage of time since then, the fact we are bottom of the league and going down, or even that fact the player in question has been loaned out by us to Sheffield United, but no, the Geordies are still fuming about it. Fucking weird.

They’ve been having such a tough time with it recently as well.  Nine wins in a row, which was only brought to a halt last week with a surprisingly heavy defeat at home by Eddie Howe’s former club, our friends from down the road in Bournemouth.  We got used to hearing from Eddie Howe all the time of course when he was the Bournemouth manager, and on Radio Solent all the time.  He was a moaning old bastard even then.  He must be under pressure to deliver this season at Newcastle and they have a pretty good chance of getting a Champions League spot given the flaky nature of the top of the Premier League.  It could well be very important that they do that because you can’t imagine that players like Alexander Isak, Bruno Guimaraes and even Anthony Gordon will be happy not playing Champions League football.

Having been beaten by Bournemouth last week, this is a course the ideal game for them to start another run with.  Saints have so far proven themselves to be completely incapable of stringing together 90 minute performances, so that will be the aim today and the Newcastle will be hoping to put another nail in our already nailed shut relegation coffin.

Ivan Juric was the bearer of bad news that his press conference when it emerged that came in Sulemana will not be fit for this game, nor of course will Tyler Dibling and our new signing, Albert Gronbaek be an option for next week but not for today.  The major news of the week of course was Gronbaek signing from Rennes in France.  He’s only been there since the start of the season but hasn’t settled and we will be hoping he brings his Norwegian League form to the Premier League. That’s a lot to ask for but we will be hoping that as a full Danish international, he will be able to bring something to the party. It sounds like he plays the same sort of position as Matty Fernandes, but whatever he is, he puts some of our lesser players further down the pecking order.  

Today, Saints have to front up physically against the gigantic units that are Newcastle and if we decide to have fifteen minutes where we collectively stop running, then this is going to be ugly.  Fifteen minutes until kick-off and I’m watching the warm-ups from the Chapel End. With the reconfiguration of the ground, I now have the opposition players warming up in front of me and some things immediately stand out. There’s the physical size of players like Burn and Joelinton, there’s also the speed and touch on display in their warmup rondos. Then we get to the shooting drill and every player is accurate and the ball is zipping into the top corners with the goalkeepers not given a chance. A quick glance at the other end sees a lot of shots closer to the moon than the goal. It’s about levels and standards.

The opening 10 minutes are all Newcastle, but we hold them at bay comfortably enough and eventually get a bit of possession in their half with Fernandes spreading the ball out to Jimmy Champo. His ball down the line finds KWP who turns back and sets it up for Champo to cross it into the box first time and Bednarek has ambled into the box and has not been picked up and rises to thump a header past Dubravka. Fuck me, we are 1-0 up.

I Wonder if VAR Noticed the Shirt Pull?

We take a bit of confidence from that, and Adam Armstrong gets the ball out onto the left before firing a hopeful effort straight at Dubravka. Newcastle start playing now and Fernandes gets booked for chopping down Livramento in full flight. The ball gets played into the box and headed clear to Bruno on the edge of the box and his cute reverse ball sends Isak through and he goes over in a heap with Aribo in attendance.  The ref gives a corner but he’s got the dreaded voice in his ear.

Errrr Sammy-boy, Stockley Park here

Yes, what?

What are you doing mate?

Corner – untidy challenge

Yeah, I know that’s what you’ve given but we’re looking for something… hang on

[Scotty hangs on for three minutes]…. Is it clearly and obviously a wrong decision?

Now, now Scotty, we don’t do fucking ‘clear and obvious’ any more

What do we do then?

We do ‘high bar’

What does that mean?

No one knows what it fucking means mate and one man’s high bar in another man’s low bar, that’s the point mate, it makes us unaccountable

So what you’re saying is that you’re going to tell me I’m wrong, and overrule me and all that ‘onfield decision carries weight’ stuff is bollocks, when you feel like it….

Fucking right… however, we’ll send you to the screen first to use up more time

Cheers lads
 
To the surprise of no one, it’s a penalty and it’s Isak who is on it and he isn’t going to fucking miss is he….. No, he isn’t and he calmly rolls it into the opposite corner to where McCarthy has gone. Shit.

Five minutes later and Tall Paul is pushed off the ball by Burn and the ball breaks to Murphy on the right hand side and the player who famously waived Caleta-Car off in the League cup semi-final a couple years ago, waltzes past Aribo and then slides the ball through to Isak who takes a ridiculous first touch before passing it into the corner of the net. Absolutely quality goal and there’s nothing you can do about that without spending Saudi levels of cash on a striker.

The game now has a chance of getting grim as Gordon picks out Joelinton in the box and he turns and smashes a shot off the post.  It was actually a really good save by McCarthy and it wouldn’t have counted anyway because Joelinton was offside.  Isak then picks up the ball in the inside left channel, before going for his hat-trick with a cross shot which McCarthy saves with his foot.

Samuel Barrott the referee has given us absolutely fuck all so far and there’s another one as Big Les breathes on Joelinton, which throws him off balance so much that he lunges in studs up on Tall Paul’s ankle. Nothing given and no review so that’s a Newcastle free kick. It seems that you can commit murder after the whistle has gone and get away with it.

Half time and it’s been ok.  Yes, we’re behind but at least we’re competing.  A couple of players are struggling with Manning unable to get away from the hardworking Murphy and provide any ammunition from the left and Arma has disappeared after a lively opening ten minutes or so.

The second half starts with Manning winning a corner off of Livramento.  With our new found power at corners,  there is a bit of expectancy as Fernandes whip the ball along the 6 yard line, Dubravka flaps it out and THB attempts to hook it back over his own head, but Dubravka gets back to make a decent save, pushing over the bar,

The next goal is of course going to be vital and we know that if Newcastle score it then the game is over and with that, the ball bounces in midfield for Tonali who gambles on himself to win it and heads it forward to Isak, one touch to Gordon and another touch to Tonali who has continued his run untracked by the FA Gambling Commission and he’s cleaned through and you can bet on Tonali… you can definitely bet on Tonali not missing… in fact it’s odds on that Tonali will score and you know that if he was allowed, he’d have money on it himself for a goal at any time and Isak to get the first goal.  Anyway… against McCarthy and he’s not going to miss and he doesn’t. 3-1 game over, betting slips handed in. Fuck.

Bruno Clearly Had Money On It As Well

Newcastle know that the game is over so they play within themselves from that point on and we don’t really do anything either, and it’s boring bollocks, punctuated with the odd Newcastle chance. Lewis Hall goes down on the edge of the box and is screaming for a penalty and maybe Bednarek is a little bit fortunate to get away with pulling him back. Murphy then takes aim from the edge of the box and McCarthy gets the slightest of touches to push it onto the post,

It's substitution time which is always a bit of a nightmare for us, but at least he’s picked the right two to come off with Ryan Manning and Adam Armstrong departing to be replaced with Sugawara and Archer.  Newcastle are still occasionally looking for another goal and Joelinton manages to fire the ball past McCarthy but Bednarek has got back onto the line and it kind of hits him and rolls away for a corner.

It's rolling eyes in the head time as the excellent Big Les is replaced with Smallbone, which Ivan is clearly only doing for shits and giggles.  85 gone and a big boot clear by McCarthy is misjudged by Schar and Fernandes is through against Dubravka and like with Tonali earlier, but without all the gambling gags, he doesn’t look like he’s ever going to miss and he pings it into the net to give us a fighting chance.  Oh hang on, we are off to fucking VAR again.

You’ve done it again Sammy-boy

What?

Given a goal … now we’re got to look for a reason to definitely allow it

Hang on… onfield decision is goal, surely you look for a reason to definitely disallow it

We do what we please mate…. Hang on whilst we check.

[Scotty hangs on for four minutes]

Offside Sammy… you’re wrong again

Even though Schar went to head it?

Yeah but we can’t prove he did touch it

Can you prove he didn’t touch it?

Don’t be smart Sammy-boy, disallow please.

Oh well, it could’ve been exciting for the last 10 minutes . Another overturn of the on field decision.  I bet we don’t come last of that particular fucking table this season.  In the event, nothing much happens in the last 10 minutes. Juric makes another joke substitution bringing on Lallana to partner Smallbone in the midfield engineless room and Ryan Fraser comes on at right back, which means that the calamity defending of Sugawara is now in the place where it can do most damage in the centre of defence.  Another couple of Newcastle chances ensue, with McCarthy again doing well to block a shot from Almiron.

And so another game ends in defeat.  Not too many complaints, as we were beaten by the better side and at least we kept playing for the whole game. We needed everything to go our way to get anything out today and not a lot did.  Two decisions went for us in real time but were both inevitably changed by VAR.  Both reviews took four minutes each, so clearly not obvious howlers.  Newcastle would probably have won anyway but we needed those things to go for us to make up the seismic gap in quality between the two teams.

The overturn by VAR call for the penalty was absolutely inevitable but I do question whether it’s clear enough to overturn it with the alleged high bar for overturning decisions and the original decision carrying weight and all that shit.  Yes, it was probably a foul by Aribo on Isak, but nothing with VAR should surprise anyone because they clearly make it up as they go along. Yes they probably got it right today by the clarity of the process to arrive at decisions is all over the place.  If the same thing happens next week, they probably wouldn’t give it and the onfield decision would be upheld and there is the problem. 

Newcastle’s goal at the start of the second half, which killed the game somewhat, was followed half an hour of absolute boredom before we thought we’d got a goal back through Fernandes and we might be in for a decent last 10 minutes… but no, the decision again went our way, and then they spent ages yet again looking for conclusive proof that the goal should’ve been given, instead of what they should be doing which was looking for conclusive proof that it should be disallowed.  A four-minute review for VAR again and offside.  We won’t have this shit to put up with for much longer and we won’t be singing “it’s not football any more”.  Another joke was that only five minutes were added at the end for a four-minute VAR check, six substitutions and a goal… and that’s before you even get to ‘normal’ extra time.  Not that I gave a shit because be it five or ten extra minutes, it wouldn’t have made a difference.

Outside of the VAR random decision generator, Samuel Barrott was fucking horrendous. He didn’t give us a thing in the first half and Dan Burn was allowed to throw Tall Paul around without a single free kick given against him and the incident with Joelinton’s lunge and high foot on Tall Paul wasn’t even looked at because Big Les has breathed on him a second earlier.

Well That's One Way to Stop Him

So, the quality issue.  Up front, they had Alexander Isak and Anthony Gordon and we had Tall Paul and Adam Armstrong.  The End.  Well it's not the end as they have better players all over the pitch but it's the starkest comparison.  It was hard to argue against any of the starters playing given what has transpired over the last few weeks but if you take a step back and look at the team, there are six Championship level players in there. One or two might play well enough, but the rest won’t and you are gonna struggle to win any games because of that. Newcastle were at full strength and it really showed.    Of the six, Alex McCarthy did pretty well and wasn’t at fault for any of the goals conceded and made three excellent saves.  Jimmy Champo, Tall Paul and Joe Aribo were ok without being outstanding, but Ryan Manning and Adam Armstrong really struggled.  None of those six should be in a first choice XI in the Premier League but here we are.

Having opened the scoring with a lovely cross into the box by Jimmy Champo and a header by Bednarek, we then continued to work crossing positions and then didn’t cross the ball.  It’s maddening.  The mindset from Russell Martin’s era is still very much present at times where we just don’t put the opposition defence under pressure, and instead we turn back to the halfway line with some grand vision of scoring the perfect goal.

Ivan Juric maintained his hundred percent record and though there are slight improvements, we are continually losing and there are still some mystifying substitutions going on. Ryan Fraser going right wing back and Sugawara to centre back, when he could have brought on ABK? Mental. Ending the game with a midfield of Smallbone and Lallana, whilst Flynn Downs doesn’t make it off the bench. What the fuck?  Juric can’t afford to lose next week.  It’s Ipswich away and if we do, I feel that getting less points than the all-embarrassing Derby team is very much on the cards.

Up the Fucking Saints.