Pre Season 2025 - Part 1

Hands Up If You Don't Know What You've Let Yourself In For

With the appointment of Will Still, just before last season ended, Saints signalled their intent to be organised for the new season and to try and enact that horrible cliché of “getting their business done early“.  There was another indicator of this with the early signing of Joshua Quarshie from Hoffenheim.  Quarshie is a central defender who is basically Usain Bolt in football form, in that he is 6 foot 5 and can do the hundred metres in about four seconds. Whilst I may exaggerate on the speed, the fact that he has these physical attributes shows the kind of team that we are trying to build.  At the time of his signing, I assumed that he would be a squad player and maybe even play for the under 23s but that point of view became somewhat redundant as the close season continued.

Quarshie - Hopefully Not the next ABK

Next came the publication of the retained list or more interestingly, the ‘not being retained’ list.   People get excited about it because they think it’s going to be a list of players we’re going to try and sell.  No matter how much you want us to bin off ABK, it isn’t happening – not today anyhow.  What it did do was confirm that Kyle Walker-Peters would be leaving and though that’s a great shame, it was inevitable. Kyle has done more than enough for the club and the fact that he stayed the last time we got relegated and played the season in the Championship, a mere six months after he had been starting games for England, shows the integrity of the man good luck to him wherever he ends up.  How time has flown - Kyle has been with us for five and a half years, joining initially on loan in January 2020 before signing for £12 million.  Daniel Levy probably thought he'd got the better of that deal at the time but he didn't.  Kyle has shown Premier League quality for more or less the entirety of his stay.  He's been an outstanding attacking threat with his ability to carry the ball and quick feet to dribble past players.  There's been the odd occasion when defending wasn't at the forefront of his mind but in the main, when he wanted to defend then he could and he'll always be remembered for completely locking up Championship Player of the Season Crysencio Summerville in three games against Leeds in our last promotion season.  I really hope that Kyle gets a move to a good club as he deserves it.

Summerville Knows He Ain't Going Anywhere

On the other end of the scale, some of the deadwood got torched with the release of fourth choice goalkeeper Joe Lumley.  There’s not really a lot to say about Joe other than he somehow blagged a couple of games in the Premier League. The performance at home to Chelsea, which included flapping about with his eyes shut whenever a cross came into the box and then passing the ball straight to Cole Palmer on the edge of the box, kind of summed him up.  I will use the word ‘blag’ again to report that he has somehow blagged himself a contract at a Championship club with a move to Bristol City. One can only hope he is the first choice when we play the Robins this season.  Usually, you can bank on a returning player having a blinder against us, but I would say that in this case, this is incredibly unlikely.  

Also out with the deadwood but not in remotely similar circumstances, we saw the retirement of Adam Lallana.  As someone who came through the Saints Academy as a kid of course, you have to look at his career as a whole and say that we gave him the grounding to go on and have the success he had with Liverpool and England. There are many out there who would kill to have had a career like he has had.  As far as we are concerned, Adam was as important as any who played for the club in our rise through the leagues from 2009 to 2014.  Last year wasn’t great however, when we all knew he would struggle to play many minutes because of his body failing and so it proved. I think that if you sign a golden oldie for your squad, it needs to be someone who has a track record of playing regular games and being fit most of the time. If a player has always been a little bit injury prone then by the time they are 36, they are usually completely knackered.  Once the dust settled on his announcement, Lallana revealed that he was to be a first team coach for us next season, which is probably the role he should have had from the start of last season.  No full page ads in The Echo this time please Ads and at least you've left with a bit more class than last time.

There hadn’t really been any word out of the upper echelons of the club since relegation, but then owner and chairman Dragon Solak changed all that with a wide ranging interview with local media which was very candid, very honest and surprising in its content.

Dragan Reacts to Another Mention of Rasmus and Henrik

There was lots of stuff about Sport Republic and the fact that we’ve had two relegations in three seasons and he didn’t shy away from the fact that things are not gone how he wanted them to go and that mistakes had been made. He directly addressed Rasmus Ankerson and Henrik Kraft and that he felt he could still work with them, but it was right that they were moved aside. Henrik is still part of Sports Republic and Rasmus is virtually isolated in Goztepe, though he still retains the ear of the owner with regards to selling players.  There was very heavy hints that the non-replacement of Jason Wilcox was the final straw, seeing as it sent us into last summer with a recruitment team that just wasn’t up to it for our attempt to stay in the Premier League, which of course, was doomed from the moment that transfer window ended.

The wider sports media were not shown in a good light when the story about the club being up for sale, put forward by Simon Jordan on talkSHITE, was firmly rebuffed. Solak is quite happy to talk to anybody with something worthwhile to say about potentially becoming an investor in the club, but he’s not looking to sell And whilst everything has a price of course, it seemed a very believable statement.

My favourite line of the whole thing was that he takes full responsibility for every wrong decision that has been made since he arrived at the club. There are so many in football who do not take responsibility for anything but as anyone knows, admitting your mistakes is the only way of getting better at what you’re doing.  To that end, he made mention of the fact that the club would be trying not to rely on loan players as much this season as we did in our last season in the championship. This is a clear sign of learning from last summer when we had to spend about £50 million quid out of our budget just to retain the players that got us up and keep the squad at the same level as the one that got promoted. It’s also arguable that we even did that.

There was also some mention of some of the stuff which is in Johannes Spors wheelhouse about how we need to reduce the size of the squad, but he had given permission to spend money in three key areas. Joshua Quarshie was one of those, implying that he will be a first team player and I think we can safely assume that another one of them will be a striker.  The funny thing about trimming the squad is that that is Rasmus Ankerson‘s job, which in some ways is like someone shitting their pants and then putting them in the wash. It would obviously be better if you didn’t shit your pants in the first place but having done so, the least you can do is clear up your fucking mess.   Mention was also made of Aaron Ramsdale, who we obviously would love to keep if we possibly can.  An option is being explored in loaning him out for a season which I personally cannot see working but it’s good that they’re even trying to find a way to retain one of our few decent Premier League level players. It also turns out that the need to bring in a load of money is not as great as we initially thought it would be.  Since the interview, the prospect has arisen of a loan to Rangers in Scotland.  Why Rangers?  Well, read on.  There were other bits and pieces mentioned like future development of the area around the stadium and maybe even increasing the capacity, which is really saying the quiet bit out loud.

"If You Haven't Shit Your Pants, Consider Shitting Them"

So, to Rasmus and his mission to unshit his pants.   Oddly enough, some of the players rumoured to be first out of the door were those recruited during the Rasmus window of January 23.  First on the chopping block, it looks like Tall Paul is going to move on to Trabzonspor in Turkey as they have agreed a £7 million fee.  Getting the money out of them will prove to be much more difficult however.  With Rasmus being the chairman of Goztepe in Turkey, it’s another example of the strangeness and conflict of interest that multi-club models brings and so you have the chairman of a Turkish club selling a player to another Turkish club on behalf of the parent club.

They’re not strictly relevant to Saints anymore, it has been amusing to see some of our ex managers failing upwards. Russell Martin has got the job at Glasgow Rangers (see previous reference to the Aaron Ramsdale potential loan) and the main point of interest there will be if their fanbase has the patience to weather the inevitable passing of the ball to the opposition centre forward on the edge of their own box.  Seriously though, I think he will do very well there, given that Rangers will in the main, have better players than whoever they are playing against.

Ivan Juric, after one win in fucking ages for us, has managed to snare himself a job at Champions League qualifying at Atalanta in Italy.  On the face of it, this is absolutely staggering and it seems that Atalanta have grown tired of the overachievement they’ve had over the past few years. Now, we can’t knock this at all because Juric is possibly doing his best days work for Saints by mounting a raid on his previous club and the player that he wants is Kamaldeen Sulemana. As I write it looks like he has persuaded someone on the board at Atlanta to part with near on £18 million quid for a winger with zero end product.  If that comes off, we could well soon have a statue of Rasmus Ankersen next to Ted Bates outside the front of St Mary’s and he will have gone some way to unshitting himself.

Completing our 'Failing Upwards' Triumverate of ex-managers is Ruben Selles.  Maybe the new Sheffield United manager could do us a favour by taking up their option on Ben Brereton Diaz but I have a feeling that that won’t happen for five main reasons – one is that they didn’t go up, two is that the fee was a laughable £10 million, three is that it was an option rather than an obligation and they’ve seen him play, four is that Chris Wilder is no longer there and five is that he is shit…. Or is he?  Can he really be as bad as he showed?

Yuki Sneaks in a New Player

The end of June saw the players return and the fixtures were released and we don’t have very long to wait for the visit of them down the road.  The social media of the players returning was centred around pre-season testing and the only notable surprise was Kuryu Matsuki being involved.  Maybe last seasons loanee to Goztepe will be with us this season.

As for the fixtures - well we have the ‘picked by the media’ fixture of Ryan Reynolds at home – which will at least make for an interesting episode of the Welcome to Wrexham documentary.  Then we have Ipswich away, then the Skates at home. My advice to Will Still is “win that one“. No one wants to be the first Saints manager since Harry Redknapp to lose a league game to that lot.

Things should start to gather pace now with July 1^st being here and that’s the day that contracts end and bonuses get paid for the previous year.  Expect movement and lots of it.

 

Ashes to Ashes, Russ to Rusk - A Season Review.

Rambo Jubilant That It's All Over

Here within is a season review like no other.  Culled from this year’s post-mortems of every league game and usually, highlighting a theme that we kept on repeating as we piled up thirty defeats over the season.  Even in the six draws, there are several repeating themes as to how we managed to throw two points in the bin.  There’s VAR of course but that shouldn’t deflect away from appalling management, appalling decisions from on high and appalling performances on the pitch.  In short – a complete shitshow!

The paraphrase a well-worn cliché – Don’t be sad it happened, be happy it’s fucking finished.

To paraphrase another saying, Ashes to Ashes, Russ to Rusk.

August

Newcastle 1 Southampton 0
So, why did we lose? Obviously, the key moment was the goal that we gave away and though Russell Martin and the other players tried to pass it off as a “one off”, “one of those things” and “it could happen to anybody”, the fact is that everyone knew it was going to happen to Alex McCarthy.

When the red card happened on the half hour, with the score at 0-0, the absolute last thing you need is to give a goal away. If we go in 0-0 at half-time then Newcastle would still have had one eye on trying to win the game and it was therefore have been more open and we could maybe have created something.

Despite winning, Newcastle fans are spitting fire over the BBD shithousing but they'll say nothing about the time-wasting that Craig Pawson allowed them to get away with in the second half in particular.  If you told me that the ball was in play for 15 minutes out of the 45 then I wouldn't be surprised.

Giving away goals at Premier League level is a hell of a lot more costly than it is at Championship level. Adapt or die.

Southampton 0 Nottingham Forest 1
Performances like that at home with zero goal threat against a pretty average Premier League team, are not going to be acceptable going forward. Russell Martin talks a lot about bravery but the way we set out today wasn’t brave for a home game against Forest. It was very cautious. We have to give ourselves a chance to win games and that is a club wide thing. Players in, players out, tough decisions to be made by the manager, bravery and standards being better.

Brentford 3 Southampton 1
We passed the ball into midfield and then passed it back to the defenders. I don’t think that’s on at Premier League level because our defenders are not good enough to deal with the extra pace and intensity the Premier League attackers have once you break the lines of the back you cannot afford to unbreak it and bring them all back into play again.

Four out of the five goals we have conceded have all been caused by us basically giving the ball away within 25 yards of our own goal. The number of goals we have scored as a result of playing out, stands at zero.

With the international break now upon us, we simply have to use it to get a four at the back system nailed down.

September

Southampton 0 Manchester United 3
Because we are dealing with the harsh reality of Premier League football, I feel that we have to be harsh with the way that we look at the players and how they performed. For starters, Aaron Ramsdale is a proven Premier League level performer. I have no real idea what made him sign up for this but some of the defending in front of him today must make him ponder his career choices and want to return and sit on Arsenal‘s bench.

Best of all was one of our own Tyler Dibling, who fully justified the managers faith in starting him and was a constant thorn in Diogo Dalot‘s side until he cramped up in the second half and had to come off.  As long as he can adapt to the physical demands of Premier League football then he will definitely be getting regular minutes this season.  Brought a brilliant save out of Onana and won the penalty.

I saw signs today in the opening half an hour that we can get some points on the board but it of course needs to happen soon and we need to respond to any setbacks a lot better than we did today. As a team today, I saw a lot more to give me hope for the months ahead in terms of the team structure and balance.  We at least gave us something to get behind. Yes, we conceded simple goals but we at least carried a goal threat and had a chance of winning for a short period of time at least.

Southampton 1 Ipswich 1
Oh do fuck off Ipswich. For fuck‘s sake. Gutted. Wouldn’t it have been nice just to fucking hang on for a change. No real threat from Ipswich throughout the whole of the second half and then a shot from the edge of the box that the keeper would’ve saved but it takes a little deflection and arrows into the corner. Just fuck off.

Overall, this is a massive opportunity missed. The very definition of two points dropped.

Bournemouth 3 Southampton 1
Well fuck off and that was fucking shit. First of all, I’m not having any talk about “well we won the second half”.  Fuck right off. Bournemouth just strolled through the second half because they had already won the game.  The only relevance lies in the first half because Russell Martin had nine days to pick a team and come up with tactics and the first half was an indication of how well that went. Absolute wank

Teams like Saints who are struggling in the bottom half of the league, need to play with a central striker. Not playing with one, for me is almost as stupid as playing without a fucking goalkeeper. We are not Spain 2012, we are not Man City without Haaland.

It turned out to be a diabolical day for Russell Martin and if there was an approval rating for managers amongst the fanbase, he’s probably gone from about 85% before the game, down to a solid 25% after the game. Bournemouth manager Iraola, came out with an absolute pearler when he said “I’d rather have chances than possession”. 

October

Arsenal 3 Southampton 1

At one stage I counted five consecutive times where we had tried to play out and then lost the ball before we got to anywhere near the halfway line. We kept on doing that after taking the lead and Russell Martin would call it brave and everyone else would call it dumb. Just for three minutes after our goal, an unnecessary pass by Flynn Downes was intercepted and there you have it, 1-1.

Is the Arsenal second goal offside?  I can see it both ways in all honesty.  If you are looking at it through Saints-tinted glasses then Merino goes to heads it from an offside position, Ramsdale has to cover that possibility and that clearly affects the time he has to get across to Martinelli’s effort.  I also ask the question as to whether it would have been disallowed if we’d scored it?

Southampton 2 Leicester 3
It seemed like self-sabotage – all of it.  So predictable setting up the Fatawu vs Manning rematch, then deciding that what we needed was Smallbone instead of Lallana or Big Les.  Moving Joe Aribo out of the middle to accommodate him was insane, as Aribo had been our best player for the opening hour but he was rendered powerless as the Leicester midfielders used Smallbone as a training cone, putting me in mind of the famous Ibrahima Diallo substitute performance at Arsenal. 

Deep into the second half we had at various times - Manning, Fraser, Smallbone, Sulemana, Tall Paul.  A lot of criticism will be going to Russell Martin and deservedly so but the bottom line is we have about ten players who are decent enough at Premier League level 

Taylor and VAR made the decision between them to give the shirt pull on Vardy and therefore the red card to Fraser and a penalty to Leicester… but  two minutes earlier, Taylor and VAR didn’t see that Ayew holding on to Tall Paul’s shirt for five seconds was worthy of anything.  ‘Not enough consequence’ seems to be the get out clause these days.

Manchester City 1 Southampton 0
If you are being hyper-critical then you could look at the usual failings of us taking all these risks to get to the halfway line and beat the press and then having very few ideas of how to progress it any further and actually threaten the opposition goal. 

Pep was predictably complimentary about us being really brilliant, whilst having one point from nine games and Russell Martin will come out of today’s game relatively unscathed and you could argue that outside of Southampton, his reputation will have been enhanced.  Amongst Saints supporters, no one who hadn’t already, will have turned against him after the defeat today but you could imagine that he has the next two games to keep his job and it won’t matter if the performance is good, average or bloody dreadful - we have to get at least four points from the next two games, starting with Everton at home on Saturday.

November

Southampton 1 Everton 0
We wouldn’t have even been in the position to win the game if it wasn’t for Aaron Ramsdale, who was brilliant today.  The save from Michael Keane’s header alone was enough to make him man of the match.  It’s massive for him to get a clean sheet as well and this is what we brought him in for, to keep us in games and give us the chance of picking up points. 

I am pleased for Russell Martin, pleased for the players and pleased for all the supporters including myself. Every win for a team like us can only be achieved by being dogged, by keeping your head up and by having a bit of luck. Today we earned the luck, mainly Everton hitting the bar which led directly to us breaking up the other end of the pitch and scoring.

Wolves 2 Southampton 0
Well just fuck off. That was an absolutely pitifully, painfully bad performance, especially when you consider the magnitude of the game. Yes, we got fucked by the officials both on the pitch and at Stockley Park, but from the moment Manning’s goal was disallowed until the final whistle, we created nothing. No shots on target, no saves for the goalkeeper.

Speculation is going to be huge again regarding the future of Russell Martin and it’s hard to make an argument for him. That was pathetic today. We have no idea of how to turn possession into shots on goal and that has not improved all season.  Even when we’ve got the 6 foot 8 guy on the pitch, we have no idea how to get the ball to him to make him a goal threat and let’s face it, it’s not exactly rocket science.  Do we even train to learn how to play with Paul on the pitch or do we just do fucking rondos endlessly?

Russell Martin has gone into this season thinking we can pick a team of nice footballers and that would do it.  Naïve in the extreme, thinking that this approach would work in the Premier League.  He says we lack players who can take people on, yet he leaves out Dibling for a 19^th vs 20^th game and then says that we miss Wee Man in this regard.  Wee Man hardly ever takes on a player, let alone beats them and get a cross over.

At Premier League level, it’s not enough to dominate position forty yards out and try and pass the opposition to death.  Defences don’t lose their concentration like they do in the Championship. In the Championship, you could pass the ball around and have possession of 80% and eventually, the centre backs would doze off, or you’d cross the ball into the box and someone would slice of clearance because they were tired, and the ball would hit Adam Armstrong on the arse and go in the net.

I feel that they (Sports Republic) either have to make the change now to give us the best chance of getting a decent replacement, or we have to stay with it until the end of the season, but at the moment, that looks odds-on to end with being relegated horribly and finishing with about 15 points.

Southampton 2 Liverpool 3
To be fair, we played pretty well today considering the opposition and we at least carried a goal threat but if you score two goals at home, you should be picking up at least a point and the reason we didn’t is because of horrific mistakes on all three Liverpool goals. The goals conceded today were nothing to do with the system, they were down to horrendous mistakes by experienced players. 

Two players who did not deserve to finish on the losing side were Tyler Dibling and Mateus Fernandes, who were both absolutely outstanding.
 
Again, we find ourselves talking VAR and referees.  We could have had a penalty in the first few minutes as Konate ran over Armstrong, we did get one after a five-minute check, when Robertson fouled Dibling on the edge of the box and then we didn't get one we should have got when Kelleher trashed Armstrong. 

At the end of the day, despite there being a lot of positives, it’s another defeat and the league table does not make pleasant reading and if this season was a car journey, the bridge that is just around the next bend has fallen down and Russell Martin is still driving the same road as before, refusing to turn off.  Actions Russ, not words.

Brighton 1 Southampton 1
Meanwhile, oh goody, let’s talk about VAR again and how it is taking the joy out of football and is a bag of inconsistent shite. Today we’ve had this goal from Cameron Archer ruled out. In order to understand the context from a Saints point of view, you have to take into account the goal that Arsenal got given against us at the Emirates earlier on this season. I would have no problem with Archer’s goal being ruled out, if the Arsenal goal a few weeks ago had also been ruled out and consistency had been applied.  I suspect the theory of it all evening out over the season is complete bollocks and we are some sort of cruel social experiment to prove that.

The goal we scored through Flynn Downs was a superb example of Russell Martin football working as we play forward and we play positively and it all ended with Flynn Downes scoring from the edge of the box. The identity of the goalscorer was particularly amusing as he was a little bit fortunate to still be on the pitch

The bottom line is that this is a very good point away from home against an in-form team but we come away with the inevitable feeling of being robbed by the officials again.

December

Southampton 1 Chelsea 5
Jack Stephens is the captain of the club and in a weakened team, therefore has to step up to the mark and lead by word and deed.  To do what he did is unforgivable and shows the mentality of a player who should not be the captain and if Russell Martin was a strong leader, he would be stripped of the captaincy during the four-game ban that he now has.

Joe Lumley - no goalkeeping, just vibes.  He had a decent game against Brighton, but it was always gonna come crashing down today. He’s basically a League One level goalkeeper and though he made some good saves in the second half, the damage was done with his incredibly wet attempt at a punch for the first goal and heaven only knows what the fuck he was trying to do with the second goal. 

A familiar moan about Russell today is that.he has got to realise that players as limited as we had on the pitch today are not capable of making the right decisions as to where to play the short quick passes out of our own penalty area. They are not good enough and they will make bad decisions. You've heard that phrase about polishing a turd, well we're not even polishing it, we are telling the turd that it's Brazil 1970 and sending it out on the pitch. 

Personally, I am not happy about us being a laughing stock, and that is what we are in danger of becoming if we keep on giving these stupid goals away.  From the outside, we seem to be shrugging our shoulders and accepting that that’s okay. It isn’t.

Aston Villa 1 Southampton 0
To summarise Saints performance Jeff, “They had most of the possession, didn’t do anything with it, gave away a shit goal, did nothing and lost”.

The lack of Premier League quality in our team is there for all to see, especially up front. The forwards were not helped today by tactical tinkering that saw Archer playing off the left and Dibling through the middle. At the start of the second half we put Dibling to his more natural right-wing berth and Archer went in the middle with Adam Armstrong out left. It was better but it was still shit. Archer and Armstrong were completely useless for the entire game and Dibling had a bit but was however, at the heart of anything decent that we did going forward, in the second half, which wasn’t much.

Adam Armstrong was born offside. He comes from a place in the north called Offside, which is a little hamlet in between the villages of Shittouch and Nobrain. There was one move in the second half where Dibling had to hold onto the ball because Armstrong was offside and though Tyler held off the Villla players for a couple of seconds, Armstrong never got back in an on-side position at any point to enable him to be passed to, Eventually Tyler had to pass it and the flag went up. Absolutely fucking brainless.

Zero shots on target.  Zero.  Our xG was 0.34... which is basically fuck all and it was a flatline from the 15th minute.

Southampton 0 Tottenham 5
 It’s a simple fact that if you have players with less ability than the team that you are up against, you have to outwork them, but we just died without trying.  It was, from our point of view, absolutely pathetic and we looked like a collection of players who were not playing for the manager and that I’m afraid that’s virtually always the end of the road.

Russell’s tactical cunning plan that Baldrick would have been proud of, lasted all of fourteen minutes as we were three down and so off went Sulemana.  Russ had spent nine days thinking he was going to be the difference maker and that's a problem in itself.  Nine days of planning, out the window after 14 minutes most of the talk afterwards is going to be about the manager of course but fuck me, some of our players.

… and goodbye Russell.  As said, there were the first very obvious chants against Russell Martin today and clearly someone important was listening.  An hour or so later, he was the boss no more as Saints released a very lengthy statement, which had certainly been written in advance,  probably from when the third goal went in, detailing that he was leaving and how hard the decision it had been and going a great length to point out the mitigating circumstances such as the chasm between the Championship and the Premier League.  As goodbye statements go from professional football clubs sacking their manager, it was pretty good.  I got the immediate impression that they clearly didn’t want to do it but the road had clearly run out.

Fulham 0 Southampton 0
First things first - that was a decent point today, down to a clean sheet from a dogged defensive effort.  Aaron Ramsdale being back made a huge difference, even though he was playing in a modified goalkeeper glove because two of his fingers were strapped together. With him in goal, the defence actually looked like a unit that the opposition are going have to work hard to get past.  All three of the central defenders put in a good shift to deny Fulham many real chances – Janny B led from the front by example and THB and Woody were pretty solid and most importantly, as a unit they were solid.

So overall, something to build on and it’s another moment in the season where we need to take a positive and win the next game which is at home to West Ham on Boxing Day. It will be Ivan’s first game in charge, as long as he hasn’t twatted one of Sport Republic in the car park between now and then.

Southampton 0 West Ham 1
We were overall, ridiculously unlucky to lose that game. The problem of course came from not scoring in the first half when we were on top and as the energy levels dropped in the second half as they were always going to, the substitutes brought on, in the main, did not really add that much and so the team gradually got worse as the game went on.

In the first half, Saints looked like a pretty good football team. It was an energetic, it was exciting, and we put West Ham under pressure. The only thing missing of course was the goal. Tall Paul of course should’ve scored one, if not two and he also brought a ridiculous save out of Fabiański with another headed effort.

If this was near the start of the season, you would’ve watched this game and thought that things are definitely going turn and that we will be fine. That might still be the case of course with a miracle, but we needed to win today.

Here’s a thing though, I actually enjoyed the game.  I enjoyed the fact that we had a committed, attacking display and that we created chances throughout the game.  There was intent to create chances. There was a commitment to press the opposition, which was great to see.

Crystal Palace 2 Southampton 1
I despair at the state the game has got itself into.  I just wish I didn’t have to put up with another five fucking months of it.  In any division of any professional football league, apart from the Premier League, that goal is disallowed a hundred times out of a hundred.  Let’s be honest – it’s disallowed in the Premier League a vast majority of the time but not today.  In the Championship, where we will soon be, the referee sees a coming together between the striker and the goalkeeper and blows the whistle and disallows it.  In the Premier League however, the referees do fuck all, thinking VAR will sort it out, but of course VAR doesn’t sort it out, not today anyway as it just goes with the referees non-decision. Of course, it only does this when it feels like it because it didn’t do this when we played at Wolves the other week, when our goal got disallowed despite being given on the field and then PGMOL insisted that decision was correct.

Again, I am very dubious of the substitutions made by the new manager. Limited though he is, our whole attacking philosophy now is based around Tall Paul, so when you take him off, you better have some sort of Plan B, but we didn’t have any. 

There is no common-sense link between the way Juric wants his midfielders to play and picking Joe Aribo as one of them. We might have got away with it if Flynn Downes or Lesley Ugochukwu had been picked alongside him but Joe and Matty Fernandes was just too lightweight and lacking in intensity and once Palace got a grip of that area of the pitch after about twenty minutes, we were never in it again after that and if you’re making Will Hughes look like a worldbeater, then there is a problem.  I am hoping that Juric is learning quickly and this kind of strangeness will soon stop.

So, halfway through the season and six points. It’s been a fucking nightmare so far and no mistake. 

January

Southampton 0 Brentford 5
The team selection and tactical set up today was absolutely atrocious. It’s basically a two-man central midfield, which you cannot play with Joe Aribo being one of the two because of all the things we all know about. He can’t run, he’s not a great tackler, he doesn’t have defensive awareness and he’s a passenger.   The Man-to-man marking set up therefore completely goes to shit because Joe loses his man, Lesley Ugochukwu has to come over and so his man is spare and so basically there is no defensive shield for the back three whatsoever, who are always going to struggle in that scenario.

The only player who I’d really excuse is Aaron Ramsdale who made it a few decent saves to keep the score down, usually when the rest of the team had allowed Brentford to blast the fucking ball at him from about six yards.  He now knows what being the coconut in a coconut shy feels like.  If I was him, I would be severely tempted to break another finger, so I didn’t have to play, behind this absolute shit show for the next four months.

There’s not one of our outfield players that would get into Brentford starting XI and a number of them wouldn’t even get in Brentford’s reserves. They were everything, that we weren’t and better than us in every single facet that makes up a successful football team. They all knew what they were doing, they won all the one-to-one challenges, they picked up all the second balls, they passed the ball with purpose, they closed down and they did all the basics. Thomas Frank – one of the best managers in the Premier League.

Manchester United 3 Southampton 1
Sulemana had £52 million Yoro absolutely on toast every time he got the ball and he knew it. What I liked about Sulemana was that he drove at Yoro every single opportunity he had but the finish just wasn’t there, either putting it too close to Onana or putting it wide. Tyler Dibling brought a wonderful save out of Onana as well and Fernandes had a free shot of the rebound from about 6 yards and managed to blast it straight at the goalkeeper again. It’s probably no coincidence that our goal had to be put into the net by a United player.  We should have been three up at half time.

The second half continued in the same vein with Sulemana making Yoro look a horrendous player but then the injury to Dibling saw a completely unnecessarily complicated change.  We were playing so well, so do a like for like instead of messing the team about. From then on it just collapsed and the goal threat dried up. Joe Aribo was replaced with Flynn Downes, which doesn’t sound too bad on paper, but Downes was clearly not fit and Aribo was having his best game of the season. Next, the excellent Fernandes was replaced with Adam Armstrong but when United had got back level, the absolute mind-fucker was the spine of the team, Bednarek and Big Les, taken off to be replaced with Nathan Wood and Tall Paul, a move that meant Smallbone going back into midfield where his inability to run was going to be even more exposed than Leny Yoro’s inability to run.  Six minutes later and it’s 3-1.

There seems to be an assumption amongst managers these days that making a load of changes at the end will make the team stronger because it adds energy. If you bring on substandard players and take off very important ones, then the disruption it causes is going to outweigh any energy that is brought, if any is brought at all.

Nottingham Forest 3 Southampton 2
Balls… and a mightily relieved stadium of Nottingham Forest supporters breathes a huge sigh of relief for just about holding on against potentially the shittiest team in Premier League history. We saved face in that second half, but ultimately if you are as shit as we were in the first half, then any improvement is basically worth nothing because the game has already gone.

When we talk about Derby in the context of being the worst Premier League team ever, I find it hard to imagine that Derby were as bad as we were in that first half today. Our attack was absolutely fucking useless. Our defence were passive bystanding arseholes and our midfield was okay when they were passing the ball around under no pressure, but when we lost the ball, they were absolutely fucking useless. There seems to be a lack of effort, a lack of desire to run, a lack of fitness and a lack of anything that makes a half decent football team. 

Southampton 1 Newcastle 3
Not too many complaints, as we were beaten by the better side and at least we kept playing for the whole game. We needed everything to go our way to get anything out today and not a lot did.  Two decisions went for us in real time but were both inevitably changed by VAR.  Both reviews took four minutes each, so clearly not obvious howlers.  Newcastle would probably have won anyway but we needed those things to go for us to make up the seismic gap in quality between the two teams.

So, the quality issue.  Up front, they had Alexander Isak and Anthony Gordon and we had Tall Paul and Adam Armstrong.  The End.  Well it's not the end as they have better players all over the pitch but it's the starkest comparison.  It was hard to argue against any of the starters playing given what has transpired over the last few weeks but if you take a step back and look at the team, there are six Championship level players in there. One or two might play well enough, but the rest won’t and you are gonna struggle to win any games because of that. Newcastle were at full strength and it really showed.    Of the six, Alex McCarthy did pretty well and wasn’t at fault for any of the goals conceded and made three excellent saves.  Jimmy Champo, Tall Paul and Joe Aribo were ok without being outstanding, but Ryan Manning and Adam Armstrong really struggled.  None of those six should be in a first choice XI in the Premier League but here we are.

February

Ipswich 1 Southampton 2
And there we have it, we won a game to move up to a whole nine points and avoid unpleasant club records like losing seven games in a row. There is still time for that this season of course but not today.  Up the Premier League we go, not.

As a game, it was very scrappy, between two teams who really don’t have much idea when they got in the opposition penalty area. There have been times this season where we have defended the penalty area terribly but in the main today we were decent in that regard and up front, we had enough to take advantage of some terrible goalkeeping by Muric, who allowed Aribo’s goal to bounce through his hands and parry the low shot from Sulemana straight to Tall Paul‘s feet for the winner.

Joe Aribo was our best midfielder and when he got shuffled into the back three, he was the best player there as well. His performances can be very up-and-down, but today was one of the good ones and you can see why Ivan Juric starts him every week . I was particularly pleased for Tall Paul scoring the winning goal. He had played the whole game on a diet of balls coming down from the Suffolk sky with snow on them and had been given absolutely no support by anyone else for the rest of the game, so for him to be as knackered as he was and still react quickest score the winning goal, is a great moment.

The negatives were mainly THB, who was fucking atrocious. The tone was set from the first few minutes when he passed the ball directly out of play and immediately blamed the player nearest to the imaginary player that he had passed to. If you fuck up, you need to own it and not blame anyone else. Then followed forty minutes of whingeing and moaning and generally being shit.

Southampton 1 Bournemouth 3
Well, what a 100% predictable pile of shit that was from the moment the team was announced. I’m not having Ivan‘s excuse that Lesley needed a rest. Bullshit. If you’re going to make a decision to play Smallbone and Aribo from the start then own it and don’t pretend like you had no other choice.  The fact that Smallbone was on a lot of the set pieces tells you that this had been planned for most of this week.

So, three central defenders and yet Outtara is completely free about 10 yards out to nod the first goal into the net.  Three at the back quite often means that no one takes responsibility because they’re all waiting for one of the others to do it.   This is if they haven’t been dragged out of the defence to follow their man.  The man Bednarek is supposed to be marking scores the goal but the first thing he does is turn around and try and blame Nathan Wood, who is admittedly not marking anyone.  Honestly, it’s absolutely criminal.

Bournemouth are basically a very very good side, and we are not. We are shit. We have some shit players and we have a shit manager - not a great combination.  Two of our better players, Tyler Dibling and Big Les were left out of the team today and instead of that we had the likes of Nathan Wood, Will Smallbone and Jimmy Champo, shoehorned into Ivan’s one and only way of playing.  If there has been a worse back three in Premier League history than Wood, Bednarek and Bree, then I would be absolutely amazed.

Southampton 0 Brighton 4
Hurzeler‘s post-game interview basically started with 'we outworked them'. Yep. So basically what he’s saying is the just by beating us at the minimum requirement of hard work, it was fucking easy. Fair play to the Brighton man as he was comprehensively the winner in the battle of the managers today, not that it was really a battle.

Let this address the scoreline first - it was only four because Aaron Ramsdale was brilliant and without him it could easily have been double that I really hope he gets a move to a decent club in the summer. His performance in that game was up there with the best goalkeeper performances I’ve ever seen from a Saints goalkeeper. We’re talking Antii Niemi and Peter Shilton levels of goalkeeping there.

So, our defensive system, the signature tactic of Ivan Juric. Man for man with all three central defenders all tightly marking their players wherever they go. Bournemouth pissed through it last week by keeping hold of the ball and their forwards dropping deep bringing the defenders with them or by running at defenders and committing them. Brighton pissed through it at will, simply by dragging players away and then speeding up the passing for a couple of seconds and knocking the ball off first time. That was all it took and then they were clean through with our half of the pitch to run into. So simple but yet our caretaker supply teacher persists with it game after game.

On top of that, we are playing a back three with the championship level full-back, a player who hardly kicked a ball for two years and a midfielder who is not the most athletic. If you could’ve put a pound on Saints playing a large proportion of a Premier League match with a back three of Aribo, ABK and James Bree, then you’d probably have about 20 grand to spend on something other than watching this shit week in, week out.  

Chelsea 4 Southampton 0
Well, in an amazingly unpredictable turn of events that no one saw coming, that was fucking shit, inept, apathetic, half-arsed and any negative adjective that springs to mind. Nine losses out of ten for Ivan the Terrible now and let’s not confuse the issue by saying that the players are bad, which they undoubtedly are. Ivan Juric is shit and the players, crap though most of them are, are not running for him we are worse organised defensively than we were under Russell Martin and unbelievably, he’s even managed to make the attacking play worse.  The random selections of out of position players are now just fucking crazy and he is adding absolutely nothing apart from evermore increasingly being the lightning rod for everyone’s dissatisfaction which means that some of it at least doesn’t land at Sport Republic’s door. There are nineteen other teams in the Premier League who don’t play this defensive system, and they are all higher up the table than us.  Funny that.

The most damning thing for Juric is the lack of running from players. Echoes of the Spurs home game which finally did for Russell Martin.  There was one amazing incident in the second half where Aribo and Fernandes attacked down the left got to the edge of the penalty area and then we lost the ball and one pass and Chelsea were three on three at the other end which kind of made it look like we only had five outfield players on the pitch. Players aren’t running and players aren’t thinking. No one cuts off passing lanes, probably because everybody is trying to mark their own player so it stands the reason that one long ball is gonna present a situation where we are in the shit. It’s absurd on so many levels.

March

Liverpool 3 Southampton 1
For the first half in particular we were excellent today as the team stayed compact and frustrated Liverpool which ultimately meant us taking the lead, but the key moment was the non-sending off of Darwin Núñez., which the referee absolutely bottled.  I note with interest that he didn’t get sent to the monitor to review that one, like he did with the second penalty.

So having scored the equaliser, Núñez then collapses like a motherfucker under pressure from renowned hard man Will Smallbone, who barely touches him but down goes the shitbag, feigning injury after crumbling in on himself.  It’s fucking embarrassing but the young referee Lewis Smith, completely played to the crowd and points to the spot and of course, VAR isn’t going to overturn it because there is the slightest contact? There’s no forward motion from Smallbone, but Núñez just brushes against him and collapses. Same as it’s always been at Anfield both before and after VAR.

Will Smallbone had an excellent first half as well, crowned by the goal. The reason he had a good game was because the rest of the team was set up in such a way that it masked his deficiencies because he didn’t get caught in open space with no players around him it’s almost as if the team was set up to get the best out of the players that we have.  Too little too late but that was decent.

We of course played with a back four today and didn’t do the man for man marking thing which has been an unmitigated disaster. I guess we’ll never know but I wonder if Juric decided to abandon it himself and change the shape or was it under pressure from the players who must have been thinking after the Chelsea game, that the Juric method of defending is absolute shit.

Southampton 1 Wolves 2
Despite some spirit being shown in parts of the second half, overall, that was fucking dogshit again. A diabolical starting XI with no striker, and an admission at a half-time with a substitution that tells that he got it completely wrong again. Taking off our best and hardest working midfield player and putting on an actual striker was a classic and totally deserving of the “you don’t know what you’re doing” raining down from the crowd. Fernandes was playing as the furthest forward of our midfield players so in taking him off, Juric was kind of hinting that Fernandes was the problem, which he clearly fucking wasn’t.

So let’s talk about the first half, which was for 4-6-0 in possession and 5-5-0 out of possession. All this against a team that is 17th in the League. So, having set up like we were playing Real Madrid, we knocked the ball around a bit and looked relatively sharp on the ball and the first time Wolves got the ball, they scored when two crosses came in under no pressure whatsoever and from the second of those, Strand Larson had a free head because ABK had dozed off.

I want Juric gone now. We are now 17 points behind Wolves with nine games left so it’s all over by the shouting so there is absolutely no point in Juric still being here.

April

Southampton 1 Crystal Palace 1
Consequently, we started well and after the narrow escape with Mateta hitting the bar after two minutes, we were a better side for the vast majority of the first half, causing Palace constant problems and eventually taking the lead with Tall Paul’s header. That’s why you pick a striker.

The second half and the fact that it’s now 25 points lost from winning positions, are illustrations of the fact that even if we get the starting XI more or less right, the substitutes will always kill it and so we should make as few as possible.  Big Les had to come off, but his replacement Joe Aribo didn’t get to the pace of the game at all and was a passenger lumbering around in midfield. I’m really struggling with the substitution of Downes.  Flynn was having a great game and he’s banned for the next two games as he’s got ten yellows, and he was still standing up and doing his job so did he really need to come off?  Sugawara coming on and swapping players about and what do you know, an unmarked player in the middle, 1-1. 

Having had a whole load of time since the last game, the next one away at Spurs comes round very quickly on Sunday. With Wolves playing at Ipswich on Saturday, we could well be mathematically relegated on Sunday.

Tottenham 3 Southampton 1
And so the predictable relegation is confirmed, and I’m not even bothered because I’ve known since October/November. I can still be bothered about this game though because that first half was as pathetic as it gets with no one willing to put a challenge in and a game plan that simply seem to involve standing off as the only feature of it. The defending on both of the goals was horrific, particularly the second one where three out of our four defenders - the ones paid to defend our goal - all acted like there was no danger present when Johnson scored.

Relegation confirmed after 31 games for the first time for anyone, ever.  No one will remember that though, but they will remember the lowest points tally ever, which we are of course one point shy of.  Today was a pathetic performance which kind of summed up the season and the remaining seven games, particularly the four at St.Marys are going to be played in a surreal atmosphere now that relegation is confirmed.  Ivan Juric paid tribute to the fans today who stayed and clapped the team for their ‘effort’ today.  He’s right, the travelling fans are magnificent and those players, with a couple of exceptions, don’t deserve them.

Southampton 0 Aston Villa 3
There is an element of new beginning about today’s game.  First of all, we had the news in the aftermath of the Tottenham game, that Ivan Juric would be leaving the club.  Ivan had some redeeming features, namely his honesty and he seemed like a decent guy but fucking hell… he was useless.

Well that was a game of two benches.  They bring on three players who all score and we succeed only in making our team progressively weaker and today was a classic case of proving that we should not make substitutions when the starter is still able to move.  Simon Rusk made the same mistake that Russell Martin and Ivan Juric have made before him in not recognizing the importance of the midfield to the defensive effort and not realising the glaring limitations of some of our players.

It really shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone at this stage.  It’s almost the same as putting Ryan Fraser in goal– you are putting an unsuitable player in there and guess what, the midfield is vital.  Once again, you can’t play Smallbone in a two-man midfield, you can’t really play Aribo in a two-man midfield but here we are. Everyone tries it and it never fucking works and it was obvious last season that it would never fucking work but still we do it. 

A word for Aaron Ramsdale who was again completely powerless for every goal that went past him and to save two penalties and still lose 3-0 just about sums his season up.  The dereliction of duty from the defenders to allow McGinn to get to the rebound from the penalty save in the 93^rd minute was particularly shit and not backing up your team mates whatsoever.

West Ham 1 Southampton 1
It says something about how this season has been the last-minute equaliser against the team just three places above us in the League is greeted by the biggest celebration since we got promoted last year. Not that I am belittling the moment that Big Les smashed that into the net.

It was a good day for Simon Rusk and Adam Lallana, who got the team selection completely right and the substitutions were pretty much perfect as well. The main thing was leaving Big Les and Flynn in place in the middle of the park for the entire 95 minutes and the pair of them was still everywhere snapping into challenges as the game went into injury time.

A word for the referee Andrew Kitchen and the word is ‘bottler’.  I was put in mind of a referee on a Sunday morning who doesn’t want to send players off because he doesn’t want to do the admin.  Coufal and especially Kilman should both have walked if he’s doing his job properly.

Southampton 1 Fulham 2
Well, fuck. I should know better, but I genuinely thought we were going to win that game and that Fulham wouldn’t score but of course, once they did, via a bastard big deflection, the second goal did seem kind of inevitable, especially when we made the substitution of creeping death as the last few minutes ticked round. The obsession the managers have with making substitutions will never fail to baffle me. We’ve defended well for 88 minutes with the same five defenders and the two midfielders in front of them so naturally, change the right hand side of that defence with two minutes to go. Guess who scored for Fulham, yes, the left back who ran into the area untracked.

A final word for today is reserved for Marco Silva and the word is twat.  Some more words are horrible entitled little shit.  How dare we set up to defend and be solid when we’ve had the season we’ve had.  Go fuck yourself.

May

Leicester 2 Southampton 0
There were some players out there who were an absolute disgrace today. THB played like he completely didn’t give a shit. Jack Stephens played like he was a Sunday morning pub player after a big one the night before.  Same old Jack – no consistency – plays well for a few games and then abysmal.  Ryan Manning put in in a League Two level performance and Sulemana was himself, buzzing around to absolutely zero effect whatsoever.  All four of those would have been gone at half time if I’d been in charge.

Simon Rusk decided it was a good idea to take off Ross Stewart, who had not been given one single ball to compete for and then compounds it by taking off Fernandes, easily our best player and one of the few who was actually visibly trying.   He then acted surprised at the reaction from the crowd.  An absolute fucking shit show from players and management from start to finish. I would excuse Ramsdale because he had no chance with either of the goals, Downes because he seemed to be fighting a lone battle out there and Fernandes of course.

Leicester were shit, but they were much better than us. We made El Khannouss look like a world beater and we allowed a 38-year-old to score against us and a 15-year-old to briefly make us look like mugs.  Someone should’ve put him over the fucking advertising boards in the first minute that he stepped onto the pitch, if only to prove that we gave a shit about them feeling that we were so shit they could bring on an actual boy. We don’t do things like that because we are a big bunch of soft arses. The only thing that wasn’t apathetic about that performance today was the fans chanting for Matty Fernandes for half an hour after he’d been substituted.

Southampton 0 Manchester City 0
Finally, the team played with pride for the badge and worked hard for 97 minutes and got what they deserved in the end. Brilliant stuff. That’s all I’ve wanted all season really, for the team to play from the first whistle to the last and not given an inch. Yes, we offered absolutely fuck all in the way of attacking threat, but when you’ve only got 11 points and you’re playing against Manchester City, then it’s not really about your attacking threat.

The headlines after the game were made by Ruben Dias who basically made a complete prick of himself by complaining that Saints didn’t try and play and wasted time and all that shit, like we were supposed to compete with our Championship level players against their billion pound squad with 115 charges and play an open expansive game get absolutely fucked over. Go fuck yourself Ruben. This is from a guy who plays for a team that practically invented the break-stopping tactical foul, and he also plays for Portugal, who are right up there in international football terms when it comes to diving about and basically cheating.

Everton 2 Southampton 0
Well that was absolutely shit, again. Turned up passive, conceded after five minutes, had no intensity in any area of the pitch for the next forty minutes, got lucky as Everton had two goals disallowed and then finally managed to concede a second on the stroke of half-time.  All of this whilst not looking to pass forwards, let alone having any sort of effort on goal. It’s fucking embarrassing, like a limp dick in a brothel.  In the second half, we did just enough not to get embarrassed as Everton went into testimonial mode

The second goal happened for partly the same reasons that Leicester’s first goal happened two weeks ago. THB came bolting out of the defensive line and didn’t get the ball so there was absolute carnage in the space that he was no longer in, because once he’d bolted and achieved nothing, he was twenty yards out of position.  If you come bolting out of the defensive line, then you have to get the ball or as a backup option, you have to clatter someone to stop the game. Doing neither just absolutely fucks everyone else.  Dreadful defending.

Southampton 1 Arsenal 2
When the team was announced, I was dreading us getting beat by five or six but a combination of Arsenal being in beach mode and surprisingly resolute defending meant we were still in the game after an odd opening 10 minutes when it all looked like it was going to be a bit sketchy.  Nathan Wood and Charlie Taylor looked decent in a four because they had to take responsibility, and an even bigger surprise was that Yuki Sugawara didn’t look like a train wreck

The watching Will Still would’ve been encouraged by some of the things he saw, not least the performance of Ross Stewart. It was brilliant for him to get a goal and to look a handful. He gets knocked off the ball a little bit too easily but there is certainly a striker there but still can work with next season. The full debut for Jay Robinson will not have been missed by the new manager either and he can be very pleased with his performance.

I didn’t stay for the Lap of Defecation.  I couldn’t be bothered.  This season is done and dusted at long last - thank fuck - and it’s all about next year in a different division, with a new manager and a load of new players.  Up the Fucking Will Still’s Red and White Army.

Premier League Match 38 - Southampton 1 Arsenal 2

 

Ross Stewart - More then Just a Concept.

And finally, we come to the final act of this sorry bag of shite that is masquerading as the Southampton season of 2024/25. I don’t think there will be anyone, not Simon Rusk, not any of the players, and certainly not any of the fans, who will be sorry that this season is finally ending. Out with the old and in with a new but first we have to do negotiate today’s final game against Arsenal at St Mary’s. Whilst it would be amazing to sign off with a win, the one when we’ve had all season at home, suggests that it’s very unlikely and this is before you get into the fact that Arsenal are in fact, quite good.

So, second place for Arsenal and there is the unavoidable feeling that they should’ve done better this season. Liverpool have not been amazing, but Arsenal have not been anywhere near them in terms of challenging for top spot in the Premier League. The highlight of their season was an excellent win over two legs against a very fractured Real Madrid side, but all that did was got them to a Champions League semi-final where they were relatively comfortably beaten by PSG. Mikel Arteta has a habit of talking absolute shite and never more when they have lost a game. He tried to gaslight everyone that they were the better side against PSG.  The truth was that it was quite something seeing Arsenal resembling a Wimbledon side from the late 80s, relying on free kicks and long throws to pose any threat. That’s the way it’s been for Arsenal this season with a remarkable record of scoring goals from corners, which in the main were converted by Gabriel, who is out for the rest of the season.  It shouldn’t be the case when you’re a top side, that losing a central defender takes away about 50% of your goal threat.

Against teams like us though, they have more than enough goal threat with the likes of Saka, Marino, Martinelli and Trossard… and that’s before you even get to the midfield of Odegaard and Rice.  Still, the funniest thing that’s happened at the end of Arsenal’s season is Spurs winning a European trophy. Seeing the mental gymnastics from Arsenal fans trying to convince themselves that they have had a better season than Spurs is quite amusing. The bottom line is that even though we’re in this era in football, where finishing fourth as seen as being better than a trophy, it really fucking isn’t and no one will remember Arsenal‘s 24/25 season whereas every Spurs fan will remember their win in the Europa league, for the rest of their lives.  Anyway, I wish we had their problems.

But enough of the North London shenanigans. We have going to get through and it seems that some of our players fancy an early holiday. We strongly suspect that Jan Bednarek will be joining KWP straight out of the exit door and neither of them are going to play today. Simon Rusk has mumbled some word salad bollocks about very slight injuries, but we all know the truth. THB did pick up an injury last week but he won’t be around either, so we might actually have to deviate from the five at the back template, simply because we haven’t got enough central defenders with Jack Stephens and Nathan Wood the only two available, if you don’t count ABK and as a rule, we don’t because he’s an arsehole. Knowing Simon Rusk however, he will probably play Jimmy Bree as the third central defender.

Today will be a sad day in many respects because we’ll probably be seeing the last game for some of or maybe all of Aaron Ramsdale, Mateus Fernandes and Tyler Dibling.  On the opposite side of the coin, it might be the last time we ever have to watch some of the shit players…. Take your pick.

Will Still - Hopefully won't be listening to the penis on his shoulder.

Having been busy all morning, I’ve not been paying attention to the news and it’s not until I get to the ground that I become aware that we have appointed Will Still as our new manager for next year and that he will be in the ground today. I wonder what he will make of some of the players who are going to be here next year but it’s good news that he’s in the building early.  Maybe he can have a word with one or two and try and convince them to stay.

I feel that Simon Rusk needs to get Saints to put on something approaching and an entertaining performance today. For once, it’s probably more important than the result. We expect to lose of course as we are one of the teams playing today.  Also, it’s Arsenal and we are on course to set a Premier League record of thirty defeats in a season.  When the Rusk team news drops for the last time, it’s a bit fucking mental. There are starts for Charlie Taylor, Nathan Wood, Jay Robinson, Yuki Sugawara and Ross Stewart. What the actual fuck? There seems to be a lot of tactical injuries with Tyler Dibling and Jack Stephens joining those we expected to be missing. It turns out that Captain Jack has broken his wrist in training, probably punching a picture of Cucurella that someone pinned to his locker.  Jack aside, isn’t it strange that some of those missing have hardly missed a game in their entire Saints career and here they are with a move on the horizon and they have the all encompassing “illness”. I don’t know why the club can’t just tell the truth because I’d respect that more than some bullshit explanation and treating me like I’m a fucking idiot.

So, it looks like a back four with three of the four being somewhat amusing selections. None of the missing players are even fit enough to sit on the bench, so we have a youth team player called Moore on there, and I have to look up what his first name is because I’ve never heard of him. Jayden Moore. Welcome.  Arsenal are resting a few as well but the difference is, the likes of Saka, Havertz and Odegaard are on the bench. Even if by some miracle the game is close as we go into the final 20 minutes, I would expect Arteta to bring on the big boys whilst we are bringing on players from the crèche.

For once, the first incident of the day is a Saints attack, with a corner swinging in by Fernandes and headed out as far as Sugawara who absolutely drills it and it hits Declan Rice on the hand and surely to fuck that’s a penalty.  Even our collection of soft arses get animated and surround the referee.  Off we go to VAR for what could be the last time for a while….

Hi there Stockley Park... is that Scotty?
Yes... What do you want Darren… there are 10 games going on today and yours doesn’t matter
I know but they surrounded me
Who did?
Southampton!
What – they never complain about anything, just meekly accept it cos they’re shit
I know, but this really looked like a handball
So what, they’re going down
I know Scotty, but we’ve fucked them over all season and I thought it would be nice.
We fucked them over cos we all had money on them being more shit than Derby, Darren
Oh yeah, I lost a few quid, thought it was a cert
Ok I’ll bloody check… ok I’ve got a decision for you
And...?
Does it strike his hand … yes, away from his body… yes… proximity… not a factor
So a penalty then?
Nah…. Not enough consequence.
Why not?
Because Southampton are shit.
Fair enough… play on.

What a surprise, no penalty. What’s the fucking point?  Bring on next season.

Despite being makeshift, Arsenal are still extremely dangerous and work the ball out to the left wing to Martinelli.  He drops the shoulder to get a yard against Sugawara before standing up across to the back post, which Merino jumps to meet and it can only flick it off the bar. Rambo had it covered, however.

Saints are giving a give a good account of themselves, however, and Wellington is making stuff happen at the attacking end of the pitch as he bursts past Love Island’s Ben White before pulling the ball back into the middle. It comes to nothing until Fernandes wins it back and crosses it back in and Stewart barges past fellow jock Tierney, but can only head wide.

Our back four has not done anything really dumb as yet but then one long ball from Tierney and our central defenders suddenly ten yards behind Martinelli, who has sprung the trap and he’s got the ball.   He just has former team mate Ramsdale to beat but only one winner as  Martinelli takes it early and Rambo saves well.

More Arse pressure as we approach half-time and they win a corner on our right which comes in and we fail to clear properly and then don’t get close enough to Arsenal as they build an attack down our left with White overlapping Martinelli and getting into the box untracked before firing over a low cross which sees Tierney winning the Jock-War, getting in front of Ross Stewart and knocking it into the net. Fuck.

Arsenal sense a second goal before halftime but Saints clear the danger through Taylor and Sulemana bundles past a challenge and has sixty yards to run into.  Usually he stops and turns back but this time he keeps going before inevitably stopping but at least he tried a shot, which gets blocked up in the air and comes down for him to shin roller it into the side netting. That guy is destined to have no end product for the rest of his life at Saints, but at least this time he actually had a shot.

Half time and we haven’t been bad and don’t really deserve to be behind given the penalty farce and the general play.  J-Rob has been decent so far if a little lightweight and the back four were pretty solid once Taylor stopped trying to play left back and settled down a bit.  No changes at half-time and we start the second half relatively well with Robinson being chopped down on the edge of the Arsenal box. Fernandes has been excellent this season, but he is no JWP when it comes to free kicks and it hits the wall.  From the resulting scramble J-Rob picks up the ball and jinks his way past a couple of players before hammering in a shot which Raya has to push away for a corner. Decent from the youngster.  Fernandes may not be JWP with free kicks but he’s getting there with corners and in it comes and up goes the Loch Ness Drogba to flick in a header past Raya and into the net. Fucking hell we’ve scored and Ross Stewart is more than just a myth or a vague concept, he’s actually a goal scorer at Premier League level.

With half an hour to go, it’s all gonna be about Arsenal‘s positive changes from the bench and Saints inevitable worsening of the team. Before that though, Nwaneri plays a delightful ball inside Welington for White to run onto and his low cross is going in off of the combined touch of Rice and Taylor, before Sugawara appears from nowhere.  True to form he just panics and leathers it but it’s away from goal and into Declan Rice and off for an Arsenal corrner, of course, because the referee is a prick.

Rice is getting more involved now and trying to make things happen and he bundles his way into the box and eventually ends up volleying at Ramsdale from about eight yards but Rambo is equal to it again and it’s another blinding save, which unfortunately pops up for Saka to head into the net but the flag has gone up straight away but that still means we have to go off to VAR.

Hi there Scotty at Stocky Park
What do you want again – I thought I told you last time?
It's an Arsenal goal though
OK, best have a look… flag is up though
I know, I thought we could send Saints off with another shocker, just for the lols.
OK, Rice shoots, Saka is miles offside, Ramsdale saves, still offside.
So, can’t overturn that one?
Not really, Saka is smiling as well and apologising – what a nice man
Lovely man.
By the way, you should see the decision we’ve just given Man United….

It’s time for Simon to weaken the team with Robinson and Sulemana going off to be replaced by Archer and Smallbone. It’s not as bad as I fear because Smallbone has gone to where Fernandes was and Matty has gone out wide.  Five minutes later though and there’s another change and this is Rusk doing what he always does and bringing on another defender.  Why the fuck… we’ve been defending well as a four.  Kayi Sanda is on for the limping Big Les.  What this all means is the Smallbone is now in a midfield two with Downes and that as we all know, it’s always a fucking nightmare.  I’m telling anyone who will listen around me that he should’ve brought Aribo on as a straight swap for Les (lesser of two evils), but no, Simple Simon refuses to do things simply and Simon says to bring on another defender and put Will in midfield.

90 minutes up and Saints are on the attack and pushing Arsenal back and the referee and the linesman between them decide to give Arsenal a free kick for absolutely fucking nothing.  They take it quickly whilst we’re arguing and Odegaard, who has been on for fifteen minutes or so, swaps passes with fellow sub Trossard before being faced up by Smallbone, and the Arsenal captain literally walks around the most powderpuff challenge you’ve ever seen and has a free shot from 18 yards which he buries in the bottom corner. For fucks sake. Well done Keep it Simple Simon.

Smallbone, Tired after ten minutes of action, lets Odegaard Walk Round Him.

There are nine minutes of injury time to go and even though we launch some optimistic balls towards Tall Paul, there’s not really any danger for Arsenal and they see the game out like you would expect them to.

And so a predictable defeat in Simon Rusk’s last game and no one should be surprised that we let in a late goal to lose it after a decent and spirited performance.  There are three reasons why the winning goal happened. The first one was the stupid substitution by Rusk, to change the formation that was working and go to a three at the back. This dragged Smallbone back into midfield and we all know what happens when he’s there – he’s a liability in our half.  Everyone knows but we do it anyway.

The second thing was that Flynn Downs got caught up the pitch getting carried away as we attacked. Bearing in mind his partner is now Smallbone, he has to have the brain to stay put, though it’s not his fault the referee and linesman decided to magic up an Arsenal free kick out of nowhere, which was the third reason  Will’s recreation of the Diallo training cone impression against Arsenal, was absolutely pitiful.

When the team was announced, I was dreading us getting beat by five or six but a combination of Arsenal being in beach mode and surprisingly resolute defending meant we were still in the game after an odd opening 10 minutes when it all looked like it was going to be a bit sketchy.  Nathan Wood and Charlie Taylor looked decent in a four because they had to take responsibility and an even bigger surprise was that Yuki Sugawara didn’t look like a train wreck and justified this selection ahead of James Bree.  He was helped when Raheem Sterling was on his side as he has absolutely forgotten how to play football.  Welington on the left, dug in strongly when he had to and he also tried to play going forward and is looking like someone who could well be a mainstay in the team next season.

The watching Will Still would’ve been encouraged by some of the things he saw, not least the performance of Ross Stewart. It was brilliant for him to get a goal and to look a handful. He gets knocked off the ball a little bit too easily but there is certainly a striker there but still can work with next season. The full debut for Jay Robinson will not have been missed by the new manager either and he can be very pleased with his performance.

Though it was very much an end of season game, there was certainly some “what ifs” springing to mind.  What if we had played four the back for the entire season? What if we had Flynn Downs and Big Les in the centre of midfield all season? What if Russell Martin had prioritised some sort of compromise on his playing out from the back principles? Even with all those things being in place, we probably would still have gone down but it wouldn’t have been the colossal shitshow that it ended up being.

Rambo Waves Goodbye

Having seen today’s game, I’m sure that Will Still will be hoping to keep Big Les, Aaron Ramsdale and Matty Fernandes for next season but sadly, it’s looking more and more unlikely than any of those will be around, the first two in particular.  Maybe Will can have a word with Matty and get him to promise us one season in the Championship.  I was pleased that Rambo had a good game today against his former club of course.  As said, I was fearing the worst and that he might ship five or six, so just the two with neither being his fault, is a decent last game.  Two blinding saves from Martinelli and Rice as well for a guy who is without doubt our best goalkeeper, probably since prime Fraser Forster under Ronald Koeman. 

I didn’t stay for the Lap of Defecation.  I couldn’t be bothered.  This season is done and dusted at long last - thank fuck - and it’s all about next year in a different division, with a new manager and a load of new players.  Lots of change coming our way in the next ten weeks and in the words of Joe Strummer (look it up youngsters) – The Future is Unwritten.

Up the Fucking Will Still’s Red and White Army.