Premier League Match 31 - Tottenham 3 Southampton 1

 

Rambo and Janny about to lead the Lap of Defecation

A Team Photo For the Ages

With Wolves winning against Ipswich yesterday, Saints go into this game away at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium knowing that defeat will mean mathematical relegation. Apparently, a week 31 relegation will be the earliest anyone has ever been relegated from the Premier League. We are fucking massive.  I was watching local TV last night and the presenter mentioned that all the pressure was on Saints in this game.  As if it makes any difference – I’ve known we were going down from about October.

Spurs are currently only one place above Wolves in the table, such as been their struggle this season under Ange Postecoglou.  This week, after another defeat, he described himself as a lone voice supporting Tottenham and that he could do with some promonent Spurs support from the media.  As if that’ll make any difference to losing loads of games.  He’s also on his own when it comes to trying to make Tottenham any better because he gets fuck all help from Daniel Levy.  Levy will no doubt relief another manager of his duties at the end of the season and in fact, lose to us and it might well happen even earlier.  Postecoglou’s inevitable departure, whenever it is, will be yet another manager who’s been successful elsewhere who has gone to Spurs and died on his arse. I’m sure even the most hard-of-thinking Spurs fan will know by now that it doesn’t matter who the fuck is managing the club whilst Levy is there.  I guess they’re all waiting for the day here either retires or dies.   In Levy’s time, they managed to have a 30 goal season striker for about ten years in Harry Kane and didn’t manage to even get close to winning the Premier League title. The closest they got was actually the year that Leicester won it in 2016, when Spurs ended up finishing third and the two horse race.

Postecoglou appears to be one of these modern breed of managers who only has one way of playing and if Plan A doesn’t work, then we move on to Plan A with slightly different players. They will press high and have a high defensive line and whilst this doesn’t really work any more against decent sides, it will probably be too much for us.  We certainly couldn’t deal with it when they came to St Mary’s earlier on in the season and what turned out to be Russell Martin’s last game in charge as Spurs stuck five past us by half time when our method of coping with the Spurs press was to not do any running.  Ange was under pressure going into that game as well but a 5-0 away win does tend to keep the wolves from the door for a short while at least.

Some Spurs players have been coming under fire this season, especially the likes of Son Heung Min, who has been one of the best players in the Premier League for about ten years. I keep hearing about him being finished but anyone who bothers to look up his goal scoring record against Southampton will be expecting him to get on the score sheet today.  He’ll probably have a big fucking dive at some point as well.  Brennan Johnson has been in the rumour mill as well for allegedly deciding that someone who has just had a hundred blokes run through her, was girlfriend material.  The injury crisis that Spurs have been shitting on about all season, has now abated so we should see a more or less first-choice team. 

Our defiance of relegation for another week hinges on who is going to be available for this game and Ivan Juric’s pre-match press conference reported that whilst Ryan Manning and big Les have recovered from their knocks against Palace, Tall Paul is a doubt. So, it looks like we’re going to have to make at least two changes with Flynn Downs and Tall Paul probably being replaced with Joe Aribo and Cameron Archer which if it comes to pass, will take us from a competent team down to a shit one…. and that’s before we start bringing on substitutes.

As it turns out, the predictions were correct and it was Archer and Aribo, though strangely, Tall Paul was on the bench.  Ivan has changed the formation as well with Dibling coming in for Jack Stephens, so it looks like a variation of 4-5-1.

Away we go and the plan that we’ve clearly been sent out there with is ‘Do fuck all’, which we carry out to the letter as Spurs knock it around with no danger of a challenge ever coming in.  Ten minutes of that and Ramsdale pulling off a superb point blank save from a bullet Romero free header from six yards and we have our first attack with KWP and Dibling combining well up the right and the latter picking out Sulemana at the back post and his volley flicks off of Porro’s foot, hits the post and comes out.  Having all got nosebleeds from actually putting together an attack, we then don’t bother with getting back and Spurs play it simply down the left and Spence overlaps and then gets his head up and cuts it back and Lily Phillips 101^st dick of the day slams it into the roof of the net.

There’s no reaction unless you count sticking to the original ‘do fuck all’ game plan.  Spurs pass a free kick wide to Porro who slings in a cross and once more, Romero meets it and this time Ramsdale saves it with his face.  Joe Aribo in particular is carrying out the ‘Do Fuck all’ plan  with great care and diligence, jogging about in midfield.  His other job apart from jogging about is to mark Romero at set pieces and that’s going predictably well as the Argentine wins another header from a corner and heads across to where Bergvall swings a leg and mis-kicks it past Ramsdale for 2-0 but we’re off to VAR.

Hi there Michael, Stockley Park here – we have a potential offside situation

OK, talk me through it

Well it’s like this… we know that semi-automated offside tech is coming and we don’t want it

Why not?

Cos it’s gonna make our job less important

Is it?

Yes, and it’s going to make it more difficult for PGMOL to you know… control things.

OK, I get it that you're hurting, but hurry up we need a decision

Not so fast Michael… Ange slagged us off last week so we’re going to make the twat wait.

[4 minutes go by]

Hi Michael, we want to give it because it’s Spurs at home to Southampton but it’s offside.

Well why don’t you say it’s not offside… no one cares any more, after this long.

Because it won’t matter a shit cos Saints are shite and they'll chuck in another goal in a few minutes.

Why the fuck did that take over five minutes.  I also get the impression that they just guessed at it in the end.  Ultimately it won’t matter a shit and sure enough, a powder puff challenge from Bednarek and Spurs get away down our left and in comes the cross which is headed out by Fernandes.  THB gets bodied out of the way by Solanke and the ball bounces up for Maddison to head on and Johnson pokes it in, whilst Manning, Bednarek and Big Les all look at the sky with seemingly no idea that there was any danger.  Johnson does like an easy poke into a wide-open goal.

Half time and no changes because what’s the point really.  Positional change though as Aribo and Fernandes look to have swapped, presumably to get Aribo out of midfield and into an area where his jogging about will be less damaging.

Weirdly, Saints are the better team in the opening ten minutes, which shows how average this Spurs team are when faced with anyone putting in any effort.  All of a sudden, there is a bit of intent and some hard work. Zero composure around box however as we work a nice crossing position for Manning, which he shells into the Spurs fans behind the goal in fucking useless fashion. More of the same as Sulemana brilliantly skips past Porro and then wafts the cross straight to the goalkeeper.

Smallbone and Welington coming on for Manning and Aribo as we do a like for like at left back and the midfield engine room gets bolstered by another player who has no engine.  The shambles amongst the lesser players then infects Ramsdale as he pulls off a good low save from Solanke and then tries to reclaim the ball on the left of the penalty area and slides out of the box with it, comically trying to palm the ball back into the box.  No yellow card because the referee is an idiot.  Maddison then decides against tackling Fernandes and instead, pulls out a kind of forearm smash and that’s not a booking either.  The free kick is curled in from Fernandes, but there is no desire to attack the ball from anyone.

70 minutes gone and Ivan feels the need to furnish us with one of his amazing substitutions, so off comes Dibling, who has had a much better game than of late, and on comes Sugawara, who I’m beginning to think must have some sort of clause in his contract.  Archer is also put out of his misery and replaced with Tall Paul, who looks even more immobile than usual.

In truth, we have been the better side all of the second half and Spurs have been useless.  If we weren’t shit, it would feel like if we got one, we could well get a second but with so little commitment and intent in attacking areas, we are never gonna score.  This might help though… bloody hell it’s Ross Stewart on for Big Les, which means we have one more striker on now, and no midfield.

89 gone and Sulemana crosses to the back post and Fernandes has got in there and he controls on his chest and fires under Vicario to mean that we only need two more goals in about three minutes and seven consecutive wins and other games to all go our way, to stay up.  With 6 foot 3 Ross and 6 foot 7 Paul in there though, I’m sure we’ll be launching balls up there.

Nah, instead of that we do fuck all except allow a Spurs attack when sole midfielder Fernandes loses the ball and though he’s going nowhere, Welington dives in on Johnson, who goes over and Welington fires an “I’m completely fucking guilty and that’s a penalty” look at the referee.  19-year-old on-loan sub Tel, doesn’t let Johnson go for his hat-trick and though Rambo gets a touch, he can’t keep it out.

Ivan looking Forward to His Next Meeting with Johannes

And so the predictable relegation is confirmed and I’m not even bothered because I’ve known since October/November. I can still be bothered about this game though because that first half was as pathetic as it gets with no one willing to put a challenge in and a game plan that simply seem to involve standing off as the only feature of it. The defending on both of the goals was horrific, particularly the second one where three out of our four defenders - the ones paid to defend our goal - all acted like there was no danger present when Johnson scored.

Tottenham have one good header of the ball and that’s Romero and we let him have three free headers in the first half, two of which were brilliantly kept out by Ramsdale and the third one led to Bergvall’s disallowed goal which was offside more by luck the judgement on our part. In the second half it was a different game because we showed how ordinary this Spurs team is by keeping the ball and playing with a little bit of intensity through midfield. The intensity only went as far as the midfield though because we pushed Joe Aribo further forward to support Archer, so we actually had some midfielders who are willing to run.  There was no intensity up front of course with those two, however.  There was the occasional input from Sulemana and Dibling from the wings.  We should’ve sensed a chance to get back into it on about the hour mark and really gone for it but of course we didn’t and didn’t get the goal back until the 89th minute. Even if we’d given ourselves ten minutes to get an equaliser it could have been different as the crowd had turned and Spurs looked there for the taking but of course we give away another one with a brain-dead bit of defending by Welington who jumped in on Johnson, probably didn’t touch him but made it look incredibly like he was guilty of something. Not sure where VAR was but the referee Michael Salisbury was always going to give it.

I know it ultimately doesn’t matter but what the fuck was the referee on today. Unbelievable inconsistency all the way through and shit for both teams. That little Bergvall shit in midfield for Spurs, sliced KWP in half in the first half to cynically stop an attack and didn’t get booked, leaving him to commit about three more fouls and deliberate handball.  Lesley Ugochukwu got booked for a minor shirt pull however, which is the same cynical stopping of an attack but without any violence.  Ramsdale not getting booked for handball outside his box does not make up for it.  Absurd refereeing.

Because I don’t have a direct hot line into the brain of Ivan Juric, I have no idea why he changed from the relatively solid defensive system that we employed against Palace and went with a back four today. Maybe it was to match up what Spurs do but he has not really shown any indication that he was going to do that until today. Flynn Downes became a better player through not playing today because you could see the stark difference with the lack of energy and lack of intensity in midfield in that first half in particular. Joe Aribo had a maximum speed of about 3 miles an hour and his average speed was the same. Lazy bastard.  Big Les didn't look fit and was hampered by the one yellow card that Michael Salisbury decided to give out.  Mind you, there's no defensive system int he world that can function with THB, Bednarek and Manning putting in the performances they put in today.  The odd good moment for each but as we all know, defending is about consistency.

Matty Can't Wait to Get The Fucking Horrible Shirt Off

On the positive side, Matty Fernandes again showed a massive amount of energy and commitment and it’s a testament to him that in this shit show of a season, and his first season in English football, he has not allowed his head to drop or standards to slip. I only hope we can hold onto him for next season but ironically performances like today’s won’t help. Tyler Dibling was a surprise selection to start but he had his best game for the past couple of months and was always looking to get involved.  As I said, there was the odd flash from Sulemana on the left, but he is the proverbial jigsaw in that he falls apart in the box.

So, relegation confirmed after 31 games for the first time for anyone, ever.  No one will remember that though but they will remember the lowest points tally ever, which we are of course one point shy of.  We’re not getting it in our next game either which is Villa at home.  Today was a pathetic performance which kind of summed up the season and the remaining seven games, particularly the four at St.Marys are going to be played in a surreal atmosphere now that relegation is confirmed.  Ivan Juric paid tribute to the fans today who stayed and clapped the team for their ‘effort’ today.  He’s right, the travelling fans are magnificent and those players, with a couple of exceptions, don’t deserve them.

Up the Fucking Saints Fans.

Premier League Match 30 - Southampton 1 Crystal Palace 1

 

Big Striker on Pitch, Cross the Ball, Goal - Football is a Simple Game

After a glorious undefeated two-and-a-half weeks since our last game, comes the visit of Crystal Palace to St Mary’s. In recent years has gone by, a game against Palace was always be seen as an opportunity for three points because even if they were better than us in any given season, they were never that much better and there was always the opportunity for JWP to get under Wilfred Zaha’s skin And for Palace not to perform. How things have changed. It would be a major shock if Saints do anything other than lose to Palace today with the relevant trajectories of the two clubs. Since they got over their dodgy start the season, Palace have been in excellent form and have won their last six away games without conceding a goal. Saints have a similar streak in home games but we’ve lost the fucking lot usually, so law will be working down on this game and predicting a Saints win but somehow, I don’t think so.

Palace’s recovery in the second half of the season has coincided with an FA Cup run which on Saturday saw them reach the semi-final at the expense of Fulham. It was a game where Palace didn’t have much possession but when they got some, they were deadly with it with Eze, fresh from scoring his first goal for England a few days before, scoring a brilliant first goal which showed Palace being everything that we are not - direct, incisive and with players with the ability to go past people and having a bit of that ‘end product’ thing never goes amiss. The front three of Eze, Sarr and Mateta are the envy of most in the league and you would be hard pressed to find a better front three much better, anywhere in the division and there are some of the super league clubs who would certainly be better if they had those three Palace attackers instead of what they got.  I’m looking at you Spurs, Manchester United, Chelsea and probably even Arsenal.

It’s not just the attack though. The midfield boasts the excellent pairing of Jefferson Lerma and Adam Walton who is surely destined to go on and have a long England career. At the back they have current England International Mark Guehi and Dean Henderson in goal is not too shabby either. They will face a summer of vultures circling for their top players and it has to be remembered that they lost Michael Olise to Bayern Munich last summer but have still thrived. They are the perfect example of doing it right.

Meanwhile, in our camp, Ivan Juric highlighted the importance in his pre-match press conference of not finishing as the worst Premier League team of all time. Talk about lofty ambitions. Well Ivan, if you are as fucking woeful as you have been so far, then I’d say it’s a game on.  Infuriatingly, he also repeated the mantra that you have to decide on a style of play and then sign players accordingly. Yeah, that’s the long-term view you fucking arsehole but that doesn’t really work if you can’t sign any players and you come into the team mid-season. Every time he opens his mouth, I just want him to shut the fuck up.  Again I’m pondering the age old adage that the manager sets the tone for the team and the team reflects the managers personality. That probably explains why the current state of our team is “meh”.

More usefully he did give a fitness update and Will Smallbone is out but James Bree, Jan Bednarek and THB are all fit and available. I have in my mind an eleven for this game and a formation and I think that the further that we deviate from that, the worse we will be. Needless to say, my formation has a striker in it, it doesn’t have a back three and it doesn’t contain James Bree or any of the other painfully Championship players that we have littered around the squad.

A highlight of many a recent Saints experience is the team announcement, when you can usually decide if there’s going to be any chance of anything positive happening.  Having had the long break, the question was if Ivan Juric had spent the time actually learning anything about his players and there was a cautious thumbs up, when the eleven names became apparent.  The headline for me was Flynn Downes starting alongside Lesley Ugochukwu, which gave hope that the midfield wouldn’t be shit.  Full backs on the correct sides in KWP and Manning and praise the lord above (if you believe in all that), a striker in Tall Paul.

Away we go in front of a relatively sparse crowd.  There are so many visible gaps in all four stands as the combination of an evening kick-off and being shite have made up a lot of peoples minds for them.  Palace work the ball out to Mitchell on the left and he fizzes one into Mateta, who spins past Bednarek and accelerates into space and from 20 yards he fires it it over Ramsdale and we are collectively waiting for the net to bulge… but it hits the bar and bounces down. Fuck me that was close and that would’ve shredded the atmosphere at a stroke.

We begin to grow into the game soon after and Tall Paul holds it up for KWP to burst through the middle but he can’t get a shot away and the ball bounces out to Big Les, who runs at the edge of the box and it pings around a bit before Les lays it back to Fernandes whose shot deflects over for a corner. positive stuff.  Ok, it’s just a corner but we had four players in the box.

Twenty minutes and Fernandes finds Downes and some lovely one touch between THB Downes and Fernandes and the one we desperately want to keep next year, gets his head up and curls a lovely cross onto the forehead of the big man and Tall Paul heads powerfully down in Henderson can only help it into the net. Fuck me, we are winning. The Northam are absolutely on fire with their chants of “We are staying up”, which drew a generous round of applause from the Palace fans as we fly up the ‘As It Stands’ table and we’re now just the 17 points adrift.

Saints Celebrate Flying Up the 'As it Stands' Table.

The Palace response is for Eze to skip across the pitch to the right and find Clyne and his low ball into Mateta sees the big man spin once more and fire in a shot through two defenders and Ramsdale seems to twist in mid-air and pulls off a tremendous safe down low to his left.

Saints finish the half the stronger though as THB chips it down the right wing to where Guehi gets there before Fernandes but the England man fucks up and plays a shit ball across towards Lacroix, but Tall Paul tries to take it first time and drags it wide.

KWP steps in an wins a  tackle to allow Fernandes to break through midfield and he drops his shoulder and is gone past Lerma and Wharton before finding KWP, who has continued his run and his low ball across is too far in front of Tall Paul. The ball eventually comes back in from Sulemana and THB and KWP get each other’s way and Palace clear it.  The attacking intensity has been there today for more or less the first time this season.  Multiple players involved in build-ups and looking to be positive.

Half time and that was decent.  No complaints and thoughts turn to the second half and I just hope that we keep this eleven on the pitch for as long as possible as virtually any substitution is going to weaken things, especially in midfield where Downes and Big Les have been superb and the reason why Palace have looked disjointed.  Eze and Sarr have been anonymous and Mateta’s strength and ability to turn past defenders has really been the only threat.

We try and get on the front foot in the second half and then Sulamana gives the ball away in embarrassing fashion, allowing Sarr to sprint forward and find Eze on the left, but he drags his shot into the side netting.  Sarr has come to life and Clyne finds some space and plays a lovely ball in behind to pick up Sarr’s run but Stephens slides in to execute a perfect tackle to win the ball and not give away a penalty despite Sarr beating the ground in frustration. Brilliant tackle.

Subs are going to be key in the second half and Glasner blinks first with a triple sub, which includes Nketiah coming on for Mateta, which should on the face of it, be a good thing for us.  We then give ourselves some work to do and give the Palace sub a chance, as a terrible back passed by Bednarek is short and Ramsdale has to come flying out at the feet of Nketiah and gets trodden on for his efforts as the ball deflects away for a corner.  Another Palace break and Downes hauls down Eze at the third attempts about thirty yards out and picks up a yellow card and a two-game ban for ten yellows.  Shit.  Of more immediate concern is the free kick but Eze is having a beast of a game and launches it high into the Chapel.

Twenty to go and Big Les is limping and Aribo is on, and the difference is alarming as Joe fails to get to the pace of the game at all and we now look under more pressure.  Manning goes down injured ten minutes later and Welington is on and Juric removes the pace of Sulemana to bring Dibling on and move Fernandes to the left.  The removal of Sulemana sems to bring more pressure as Palace now have no threat in behind to worry about. 

In truth though, despite having more possession now, Palace don’t really look a threat and I’m looking to the side to see how many minutes are to be added as we reach two minutes to go.  There’s a collective gasp as ‘8’ is displayed but to be fair, we’ve been wasting time for thirty minutes so I’m not shocked by that number.

So, ten minutes total left to be played and Ivan feels to need to make more changes. Tall Paul has hit the deck and needs to go off and he has replaced with Cameron Archer but the other one just gives me the shits as Flynn Downes, who has been far and away our best player and the reason why we have looked defensively solid, is going off to re-replaced by the worst defender in the squad, Yuki Sugawara. There then follows a few seconds of carnage as Yuki tries to explain to everybody where they’re supposed to be and the upshot is that Fernandes has dropped back into midfield and Yuki is on the left wing because… I don’t fucking know why.

It takes all of three minutes. Lerma launches in a long throw from our right and THB heads up in the air and then wins the second challenge to head it back to Lerma.  No one really closes him down and he crosses it in and substitute Franca has got himself free to flick a header inside Ramsdale‘s near post.  Fucks sake.  My first instinct was that he scored from exactly the area where Downes would’ve been defending.

Now it’s just a case of whether we’ll lose or not and Dibling gives the ball away in the right back area and Palace work across the top of the box and Nketiah turns and smashes a shot narrowly over the bar. Fucking hell that looked a lot closer than it actually was.  Saints are still trying to win it and there’s one long or throw from THB which is headed away and that’s the end of it.

Final whistle and a point at home. Fucking annoying that it isn’t three, but we would all have taken a point, probably even at half-time. There was a lot that was good about the performance today with Juric employing common sense when picking his team and doing the obvious , namely picking two central midfielders who can both run, tackle and drive the team forward. It was also balanced with KWP on the right and Manning on the left and the returning Jack Stephens gave us the back three from the playoffs from last year so everyone knew what they were doing.  Oh yes, and we had a striker.  

Consequently, we started well and after the narrow escape with Mateta hitting the bar after two minutes, we were a better side for the vast majority of the first half, causing Palace constant problems and eventually taking the lead with Tall Paul’s header. That’s why you pick a striker.  The second half and the fact that it’s now 25 points lost from winning positions, are  illustrations of the fact that even if we get the starting XI more or less right, the substitutes will always kill it and so we should make as few as possible.  Big Les had to come off but his replacement Joe Aribo didn’t get to the pace of the game at all and was a passenger lumbering around in midfield. Suddenly the snap and the pace of the midfield was not quite there with Flynn Downes left to do it on his own. Welington for Manning didn’t make things any weaker but taking Sulemana off for Dibling was a strange one because it took away an outlet and with no pace up front, Palace could step up and also, Tyler does not suit a team trying to play quickly on the break.  Cameron Archer for Tall Paul had to happen because Paul was knackered, but I’m really struggling with the substitution of Downes. 

Flynn was having a great game and he’s banned for the next two games as he’s got ten yellows, and he was still standing up and doing his job so did he really need to come off?  Sugawara coming on and swapping players about and what do you know, an unmarked player in the middle, 1-1.  Juric still doesn’t seem to get that we need runners / tacklers in midfield and he left us for twelve minutes with the pairing of the non-running, tracking or tackling Arrbo and Fernandes, whose strengths certainly lie elsewhere. The area that Downes had been defending on set pieces, just in front of the front post was where the equaliser came from because it was someone else’s job after he went off. In the post-match press conference Juric said that Downes had to come off because of injury.  We’ve got no way of knowing of course but I’m not convinced.  What exactly was he saving him for?

He's Back.  Briefly

Apart from Flynn, who gave the kind of performance that we were hoping he would produce every week when we signed him, there were also excellent contributions from all of the back three with Jack Stephens being the standout. The challenge for Jack will be putting together a run of form to keep him in the side because that’s always been his problem in the past. Capable of the odd good game but never really capable of stringing a run of games together. Bednarek had a couple of dodgy moments on his first game back but was very combative with Mateta and THB was solid also, though he will probably think he should’ve done better with the initial header before Palace scored.  KWP had an excellent game on the right hand side, digging in strongly defensively and driving forward well. We are certainly going to miss him when he goes. Big Les in midfield had an excellent game and seemed to feed off the energy of having Downes next to him.  He won’t make it at Chelsea of course because it’s fairly impossible to do so when you’re competing for a place in a midfield that has two £100 million players and a £50 million player.  I expect to see Big Les at another Premier League club next season and Palace would actually be a good destination for him.

I was talking about doing the obvious thing in relation to the midfield and another obvious obvious thing was playing Tall Paul up front. Yes, he looks clumsy at times and looks like the brain is not sending the signals quickly enough to his feet, but say what you like, it’s four goals in nine games for the big man now which is more than Adam Armstrong has ever scored in a Premier League season and is a very impressive statistic when playing up top on your own in a team as bad as us.

Having had a whole load of time since the last game, the next one away at Spurs comes round very quickly on Sunday. With Wolves playing at Ipswich on Saturday, we could well be mathematically relegated on Sunday if we lose. Hopefully we can take the positives from today into the rest of the season and hopefully Juric won’t deviate too much from the tactics and the team that played today. I expect he will though.

Up the fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 29 - Southampton 1 Wolves 2

 

32 - the Number of Points we need from 9 games

If Saints have any realistic fear of being the worst Premier League team of all time, then they need to get to 12 points from the 9 that they are currently on.  Just the one more win and we will never have a better chance than today, against Wolves.  Of the seventeen teams in the Premier League that are ringfenced by PSR, Wolves are comfortably the worst, residing as they do in 17th place, ten points behind West Ham in 16th and five clear of the team occupying 18th, which of course is the last relegation place. After this game, we have Leicester to play away from home, which is winnable, but this is the game if we want to save our fans from the ignominy of supporting a team that is worse that one with Robbie Savage in it.

The other significant thing about this game is that if we lose it, then Wolves will be 17 points ahead of us and so automatic relegation will come around pretty quickly with that kind of gap and only nine games left after today. We all know it’s going to happen at some point, but it would be good to delay the inevitable as long as possible.

Or would it? Maybe once relegation is confirmed we can start planning in earnest for next season. Maybe we can get answers out of all of the players as to whether they want to be part of the rebuild in the Championship next season or whether they want to move on. I personally will never not find it strange that having been part of a shit Premier League campaign that has ended up with your team getting relegated, you feel you have the entitlement to be a Premier League player.  There is only really Aaron Ramsdale out of our squad who could legitimately make a case for himself.  Others will move on of course and I’d be very surprised if we have any of Aaron, KWP, THB or Tyler Dibling in our ranks at the start of next season. The rebuild is of course the remit of Johannes Spors, our new technical director, appointed around a month ago and he gave his first interview this week and came across as very confident in his own ability and made it abundantly clear that he would be in charge of all football related matters, including the appointment of managers and recruiting of players. As is always the case with these types of appointments, they always sound great before they have started and the merits or otherwise of the person in question can only be judged further down the line he did make it abundantly clear however that we almost expect to be promoted next season. Good start.

The future of Ivan Juric will be a talking point from now until either the end of the season or until he gets sacked. Personally, I find it hard to imagine him staying past the point of relegation being confirmed but you never know. Last week he picked a team that didn’t get battered at Anfield but this week is a different assignment because we have to win this game against Wolves, so playing without a striker is not really an option in my book playing with a striker would of course mean one less body in midfield which means the weaknesses of Will Smallbone, who will doubtless be selected, are more likely to be exposed.

Wolves chances of exposing anything in our defence have been weakened by the absence of Matheus Cunha, who is the only player raising their squad above the levels of the three crap teams who will ultimately get relegated. His ability has put him firmly in the bracket of someone who could play for a Champions League level club. His ability to lose his shit and get sent off has however put him in the bracket of being a complete fucking liability. His second red card of the season, earned a few weeks ago against Bournemouth, for a punch, a kick and then a head-butt at a Bournemouth player, means he won’t be bothering us this afternoon.  Wolves still have threats of course but these are severely diminished without the main man.

Wolves did look to be serious contenders for relegation earlier on in the season under Gary O’Neil, and in fact got their first win of the season against us, thanks in the main to two absolutely shambolic VAR decisions. Ryan Manning‘s goal was disallowed for an arbitrary 50-50 challenge which could’ve been given either way, after the decision on the pitch had gone in our favour.  We all know that a decision overturn doesn’t often happen and the on field decision usually carries a lot of weight, like it did half an hour later when two Wolves fouls in the buildup were not given before Cunha smashed one in the top corner from thirty yards. 

The fact that they are not in the relegation shake up is down to Cunha and their new manager bounce which they got when they sacked O’Neil and appointed Vitor Pereira. One of the first things that Pereira did when he joined was to strip Mario Lemina of the captaincy. You remember him, old #TonicLikeLemonade, who in his time at Saints was much more concerned with his social media than with actually putting any effort in. A horrific example of the modern footballer. #TonicLikeWarmPiss was an occasional hashtag I liked to use.

All eyes on the team news to see if Ivan perseveres with the back four that we had last week to reasonably decent effect at Liverpool… and of course he doesn’t. Wanker.  Looks like it’s a back five again and there’s no striker on the pitch. What’s the fucking point of this guy?  What’s the fucking point in turning up to watch this shit? And it will be shit, almost certainly, but the annoying thing about being a committed football fan is that there’s always just this off chance that it might work despite all logic screaming at you that it is not going to happen. For fuck‘s sake.  Smallbone is injured again and Bednarek hasn’t recovered from his concussion – maybe he’ll wake up thinking he’s Paolo Maldini.

It looks like Matty Fernandes is playing as a false nine and he drops into midfield to start the first move and ends up with the ball on the wing.  He plays it into Sugawara doing what he does best, which is attacking and he fires it over from the byline low, and Sulemana has a tap in but plays a fucking air shot, and so the ball bounces off his standing leg and goes away from the open goal, which is six yards in front of him.

Unperturbed Saints to keep attacking with Big Les driving into the penalty area before flicking it out to Sulemana on the left and his low cross into the box deflects out as far as Aribo who sends up a fucking balloon, high into the Northam.

Wolves have been crap so far, but they get a bit possession in our half for the first time with Doherty passing the ball out wide to Bellegarde, who under no pressure whatsoever from Manning, slings in across and Strand Larson is completely free ahead of the dozing ABK and flicks a header past Ramsdale who is wrong footed, and that’s 1-0 from their first visit into our half.  Hilarious.

The rest of the first half is wank.  There is no fight to get back in it and it highlights the glaringly fucking obvious problem of not having a striker on the pitch, as Fernandes comes deep to try and pick the ball up and then realises that he’s actually the farthest forward and so has to try and hang onto it until he inevitably loses it with neither Dibling nor Sulemana making a run to help him out.  Ivan waves his arms about but yet again, it’s fucking shit.

Having shown some promising attacking at the start of the half, Sugawara has to do some defending late on and he’s predictably shite, gazing up at the sky with no idea where anything is, whilst Ait-Nouri has seen where the ball has landed and goes forward before cracking a shot into the side netting.

Make Others Look Bad By Putting Effort In, Get Substituted

Half time in the latest Juric masterclass and let’s see what the inevitable halftime substitution is.  As the players come out there is the unmistakeable figure of Tall Paul waiting to come on, so Juric is basically admitting that he fucked it up with the original team selection yet again and now realises that we do actually need a striker on the pitch after all.  Unbelievably, the player he has chosen to take off is Fernandes, who has probably been the best of a rotten bunch in the first half and there is a very audible and prolonged “you don’t know what you’re doing“, raining down from the Northam. The second half starts, and Ramsdale pumps a ball up the middle towards Tall Paul, who doesn’t jump, and he’s beaten easily in the air. The ball is flicked on couple of passes and Strand Larson picks it up on the edge of the box and drills it through THB‘s legs and it flicks off him and goes right into the corner past Ramsdale. Once again, it’s so shit and yet another simple goal.  There are people still returning from the concourse after halftime and quite a few are just turning round and going straight downstairs again because having another pint of beer, having a piss or going home are all looking like more attractive options than watching this shit.

Having not covered himself in glory with the second Wolves goal, Tall Paul then gets involved where he should, and holds the ball up before flicking it away to Dibling on the right and the youngster seems to have come alive as he drives forward and puts a nicely weighted ball in front of Sugawara, who smashes it  and Sa is forced to make a decent save and tips it over the bar.  The comeback is on! In comes the corner from Manning and Tall Paul rises at the back post and heads it goalwards and a combination of Sa and the post keeps it out.  Two efforts on goal will probably make the end of season highlights DVD.

The Wolves central defenders had a free ride in the first half with no one pressing them and they still managed to look shit when they were knocking the ball around and they look even more shit when pressed, even when it’s the very slow Tall Paul press, lumbering around after them but the amiable giant gets a foot in which leads to Sulemana playing it through to Dibling, who takes on a couple of players on the edge of the box before his shot is blocked away for another corner. Manning swings in again and Dibling gets himself free about six yards out, but heading is not the strongest part of his game and it flies over the bar.

Archer is on for Sugawara, because what we need on the pitch is a player who really doesn’t give a shit.  After passing up these opportunities it was obvious that Wolves would get another one and they do as Les tries to play a ball into Archer who really does not look interested in the slightest and as a result, a defender walks in front of him and takes the ball. Wolves build down the left and Gomes ends up with a free shot from the edge of the box which he places wide.

With KWP now switched to the left, he picks up the ball and sets off on a diagonal run across the box and thinks about shooting abouthe same number of times he’s thought about signing a contract extension and true to form, he doesn’t do it and eventually loses the ball which allows Wolves to break quickly and that’s far too quick for Joe Aribo, who is towing not only a caravan, but also a full sized trailer and an articulated lorry.  Luckily for us, they make a complete bollocks of it and Sarabia tries to go round Ramsdale and that’s never happening and we get away with it.

Twenty to go and Tall Paul tries again, holding the ball up and spinning it out to Dibling on the right hand side and he attacks the box, hits it with his left foot and it flies past Sa and bounces out off the post and there is Tall Paul to run in the rebound.  That happens in the first half and we have no striker following in.

So what of the last twenty.  We do fuck all in the first ten as all the Wolves players simultaneously get cramp and go down. Isn’t that strange?  Downes comes on for Les and Gronbaek for Sulemana.  It’s amazing that Sulemana doesn’t fall on his arse as he walks off as that’s been more or less his total contribution today.  Downes adds some energy and Gronbaek adds some lightweight not touching the ball, and we’ve time for one more tactical masterstroke on 92 with Aribo coming off for Jack Stephens.  More abuse from the Northam as a defender comes on but what the fuck, he’s going up front.  Full time and Wolves celebrate like they’ve just stayed up. As if you were ever going to go down anyway lads, for fuck‘s sake.

Despite some spirit being shown in parts of the second half, overall, that was fucking dogshit again. A diabolical starting XI with no striker, and an admission at a half-time with a substitution that tells that he got it completely wrong again. Taking off our best and hardest working midfield player and putting on an actual striker was a classic, and totally deserving of the “you don’t know what you’re doing” raining down from the crowd. Fernandes was playing as the furthest forward of our midfield players so in taking him off, Juric was kind of hinting that Fernandes was the problem, which he clearly fucking wasn’t.  Playing a false 9 with no one running ahead of the ball was the problem, so blame the wingers or blame yourself.  The whole idea of a false 9 is to draw the centre backs out to deal with him but the Wolves defenders just stayed where they were as there was no point in following Fernandes into our half as he had no one to pass it forward to.

One more Defender Next Week I Feel

So let’s talk about the first half, which was for 4-6-0 in possession and 5-5-0 out of possession. All this against a team that is 17th in the League and quite frankly, shit. This Wolves team would not be staying up in any season in the past 20 years, apart from the last two. So, having set up like we were playing Real Madrid, we knocked the ball around a bit and looked relatively sharp on the ball and the first time Wolves got the ball, they scored when two crosses came in under no pressure whatsoever and from the second of those, Strand Larson had a free head because ABK had dozed off. For the rest of the first half we predictably did nothing and it was absolutely fucking dreadful and then the second goal straight away killed the game.

The half-time change saw Tall Paul came on and even having a striker on the pitch as limited as him, makes the team look a lot better because the central defenders are occupied and at least we have someone to play the ball forward to. Who would’ve thought it. Our goal came from Paul picking up the ball spreading it wide and then following in the shot which bounced back to him off a post.  Three goals he has this season, two of them from following in shots.  A striker with a striker’s instinct is a good idea.  It was a bit like the interesting development in the last ten minutes as well, when Flynn Downs came on and all of a sudden we had someone who could run in midfield and looked like something resembling a functioning team again. Who would’ve thought it?

If the final substitution of Ivan Juric’s Saints career is to bring Jack Stephens on up front then that would be a fitting epitaph. He really didn’t look overly impressed with being asked to chase hopeful long balls, pumped forward for a few minutes at the end.

I want Juric gone now. We are now 17 points behind Wolves with nine games left so it’s all over by the shouting so there is absolutely no point in Juric still being here. The bloke is absolutely fucking clueless, never seems to learn and there is just no point in him sticking out the place a moment longer.  Two and a half weeks until the next game – get it done.  The language being used around the club has changed with regards to the relegation “battle” that we are in.  Spors said during the week that he was purely talking about playing in the Championship and in his post-match interview today, Juric categorically said that we will be relegated. No shit Sherlock.

Once again there were some half decent performances out of there by some players with Dibling (second half) and THB probably being the standouts. Sugawara actually wasn’t that bad either but it’s all relative.   There was some awful shite as well with Joe Aribo being particularly off the pace and Kamaldeen Sulemana doing a passable impression of someone playing in a pair of roller skates.  It apparently was Aribo’s 100^th game for Saints today and in some ways that’s an achievement but in others it’s symbolic of how far we’ve fallen.  In recent times in the Premier League we’ve had James Ward-Prowse, Oriol Romeu, Romeo Lavia and Pierre Hojbjerg in Aribo’s position and they are light years ahead of him.  Go back further and you find Steven Davis, Victor Wanyama, Morgan Schneiderlin and even the like of Jordy Clasie.  It shows how far we’ve plummeted. 

It's a gloriously long two weeks and three days before the next game, which is Palace at home.  With it being a home game it certainly promises to be a toxic one in the ground unless there is someone else in charge by then, as opposed to Mr Five-Five-Zero but when have Sports Republic ever done the obvious thing.

Up the Fucking Johannes Spors Saints Rebuild..

Premier League Match 28 - Liverpool 3 Southampton 1

 

Just for a Moment, We Were Better than PSG

I don’t often watch much football if Saints are not involved, but earlier on this week I made an exception and watched PSG versus Liverpool in the Champions League. Research, I thought, into what we would be facing at the weekend. What I saw was PSG having about thirty shots and Liverpool‘s goalkeeper Alisson Becker, saving everything. Truth be told, Liverpool got absolutely battered in this game but they still managed to win which is a bit of a contrast to us this season, where we get absolutely battered every game and it is completely reflected on the scoreboard at the end of the game.

It was thought going into this season, that Liverpool might struggle to maintain the levels achieved under Jurgen Klopp, but Arne Slot has come in and basically made the team better and they will win the league by a long way.  A settled sent back pairing of van Dijk and Konate has definitely helped and the likes of Joe Gomez and Jarrell Quansah are now bench fillers whereas last year they were playing quite a lot. The midfield is usually three out of Dominik Szoboszlai, Alexis Mac Allister, Ryan Gravenberch and Curtis Jones  and you also have Harvey Elliott, who got the winning goal against PSG, kicking around as well. Up front, there’s a ridiculous selection to be had from Mo Salah, Cody Gakpo, Diogo Jota, Luis Diaz, Federico Chiesa and shit Andy Carroll himself, Darwin Núñez.  Even if they go with some of their fringe first team players like Elliott, Chiesa and Núñez, you know they are going to be just a little bit too good for us to deal with. 

You could argue that with regards to winning the league, they’ve been helped in that by the likes of Manchester City having a relatively poor season but Liverpool have been relentless and totally deserve to be where they are.  They are a perfectly balanced team with the right players in every position and even though there is a chance that big hitters like Trent Alexander Arnold, Virgil van Dijk and Mo Salah, may not be there next season - none of that is going to help us this afternoon, nor is the fact that they have the second leg against PSG in a few days time.  Even if they rest players today, the thought of the Juric defensive man marking system up against these guys at Anfield is fucking terrifying.

If Ivan has a mind to, Saints should be able to put a better team out on the pitch than they have done in the last few weeks. In addition to Aaron Ramsdale, there is an opportunity for Ivan, should he wish to take it, to pick three actual central defenders, namely THB, Bednarek and ABK, as all three are fit and available. There should be no need for Joe Aribo in defence, nor for James Bree anywhere near the pitch.  Ivan could, if he wanted to think straight, have KWP and Wellington as the wingbacks on the correct sides, for some natural width and balance. Ivan also could, if he actually thought about it, have a midfield which actually has some steel in it, as long as Flynn Downes and Lesley Ugochukwu are both starting.  Three out of Mateus Fernandes, Tyler Dibling, Kamaldeen Sulemana and Tall Paul could make up the front line if Ivan deems that to be the best option available. I’m not saying for a second that this lineup would be capable of getting a result, but it would have a better chance.

There has been a lot of noise this week about Ivan Juric not being here next season. The man has been linked with the job is Danny Röhl from Sheffield Wednesday.  On the one hand, these links make a lot of sense because Juric has been shite and Röhl has a connection with us from the past and also has a connection with Johannes Spors, our new technical director who will be choosing the next manager you would’ve thought.  It is also well known that we approached Sheffield Wednesday when Russell Martin got sacked so there is obviously an interest there, even though that happened before Spors was appointed.  For me, none of this is exactly shocking news and it is all pretty likely to happen but on the other hand, it was reported in The Sun.  If you’re going down the road of thinking this is made up though, then ask yourself why would anyone bother to make it up. No one outside of Southampton, cares about Southampton so a story like this is hardly going to be written to drive clicks or newspaper purchases.  It does mean that Juric is going to spend every press conference talking about the possibility of him losing his job but that’s part of the territory when you’ve only won one game in nine and your team is likely to be relegated pretty soon, and also when you’ve lost your last three games, by a combined score of 11-1.

Team news and changes ahoy and it looks like it has to be a back four with KPW, THB, Bednarek and Manning.  The other six names are all midfielders and wingers so no centre forward.  Ah, interesting.  Grönbæk is playing which is weird, considering he’s not been given a minute of any consequence in recent games.  The hoped for Liverpool Reserves has not really materialized.  Tsimikas and Núñez being the only two who don’t often start games.

Away we go and Saints were set up with a back four and a compact four in midfield in front of them. The two farthest forward are Fernande and Grönbæk and they’re not very far forward to all, so out of possession it’s a 4-6-0 and in possession it’s much the same.  Liverpool start knocking the ball about and work the ball over from the left and despite all our compact shape, Curtis Jones still has a free shot from within the penalty area which he pulls wide of the post.

A harmless ball gets played down our left and Bednarek and Manning both go for it with no calling whatsoever and clatter into each other. Bednarek has clearly come off the worst and after a lengthy stoppage, is off to be replaced by ABK.  The stoppage seems to throw Liverpool off a bit and a long punt forward by Ramsdale is chased by Sulemana and Trent shins it off a corner.  In it comes from Smallbone, met by THB and straight at Alisson.  The excitement is that we have actually had an effort on goal.  When Saints get on the ball in midfield, we actually look quite decent and work the ball out to Sulemana against Trent and another corner.  This time it’s headed clear and teed up by Grønbæk for Fernandes to have an effort from 25 yards, which is decent and once again is straight at Alison.

It’s clearly obvious that Ramsdale is going to have to have a great game today and he starts off well, throwing himself at Trent’s feet as he burrows his way into the six yard box. Liverpool create a few chances but nothing clear cut and Núñez heads over because that’s what he does.  He’s not great again a few minutes later when he has time on the edge of the box to turn and hit it, but Ramsdale falls on it easily.

We are still playing some good stuff when we go forward and Dibling awakens from the nap he’s been having for the past three games and finds Fernandes, before Matty puts a great cross curling in between defender and goalkeeper, into an area where we could really do with having a striker, but instead of that, we’ve got all 5 foot 9 of Grønbæk, who can’t get his head to it.

Manning takes a throw on the left and sends Smallbone off towards goal and he has not been tracked by the dozing Liverpool defenders. Van Dijk tries to shield it back to Alisson but two of the world’s best players make an almighty bollocks of it and run into each other, with Fernandes trying to disrupt. Anyway, the ball bounces out to Smallbone who has no route to pass it to anybody or to shoot, but he unlocks Blad Genius Mode and goes through Alisson’s legs and into the unguarded net. Fuck me ragged, we are winning.  PSG 0 Southampton 1.  Get in.

Saints have a spring in the step as the game restarts and KWP brings the ball away down the right, taking it past Darwin Núñez, who just takes a big kick at him and catches him somewhere around the knee. KWP reacts and there’s a little bit of handbags and referee Lewis Smith brandishes the yellow card at the complete fucking idiot. Why isn’t that a red? Oh, hang on a minute, we are off to VAR.

Hi Lewis, it’s Matt at Stockleigh Park
Hi Matt, how you doing?
Shitting myself mate… only done three Prem Games before
Me too mate, this is my seventh
I’ve been fast-tracked by Howard
So have I mate, because all the experienced refs are shit
Anyway, we have a potential red card for Núñez
Why?
Because it’s deliberate and he’s just booted him high, nowhere near the ball
Don’t do this to me Matt…
OK, calm down, what’s the problem….?
It’s 60,000 plastic Scousers at Anfield and Slot blamed a ref for costing them the league last week.  It’s only my seventh game.
Do you want to have a look at it on the screen?
No… just clear it please
Ok mate, no worries.

Nothing to See Here

Half time and 15 minutes of relative ecstasy despite a standard refereeing/VAR nonsense at Anfield.  We are so fucking back, baby!!!  I’m sure that Liverpool and Slot will respect the irresistible force that they are up against today and just accept defeat… or maybe not. As the teams come out for the second half, it’s pretty obvious that Slot was not very impressed with Liverpool‘s first half and Tsimikas, Jones and Szoboszlai are replaced with Robertson Mac Allister and Elliott. They are so shit scared of the mighty Southampton that they have to bring on their Argentinian World Cup winner.

Liverpool start the second half with ridiculous intensity and our first touch of the ball is to deflect it away from a corner. In it comes, missed by everybody and knocked back to Elliott who drives in an angled shots through a crowd of players and Ramsdale reacts ridiculously to push it around the post.

It’s just the start though with Liverpool seemingly intent on getting the ball out to Luis Diaz on the left at every opportunity. He gets his head down and takes on KWP on the outside beats him and lays it back from the goal line and Darwin fucking Núñez beats ABK to the cross and knocks it into the net first time. There you go. Wanker.  Shouldn’t even be on the pitch.

Liverpool continue to put us on a ridiculous amount of pressure and Diaz is determined to make a difference and blasts in another shot which Ramsdale manages to beat away. The ball goes pinging about our penalty area, no one takes command and drops down towards the penalty spot and Núñez collapses to the ground under pressure from Smallbone and the referee points to the fucking spot on the combined appeal of the crowd, as well as van Dijk and Mac Allister who are standing right next to him. Soft as fuck. We are off to VAR again and this will be utterly pointless. Saints players or surrounding the referee, whilst Núñez writhes on the ground like he has actually been fouled. Cheating bastard.

Hi Lewis, Stockleigh Park Creche Here Again
Clear foul isn’t it mate?
Yeah, renowned hardman Smallbone has absolutely ploughed through the back of him there
That’s what I thought. Hard-man assassin.  He’s Irish, like Roy Keane
Do you want to look at the screen?
No mate, what good can come of that?  I’m shaking Matty…
Why’s that?
Virgil shouted at me.  Gonna ask for his shirt later.

Mo Salah with the penalty after the pointless VAR review.  Up he steps and bang, Ramsdale goes the right way but it has ripped past him into the top corner. Great pen to be fair but fuck off.

Hard Man Big No 9, Folds Under Pressure from Hatchet Man Smallbone

In order to stem the tide, Ivan goes to the bench and brings on Sugawara and Archer in place of Dibling and Grönbæk.  KWP has been pushed forward on the right.  Saints do get a little bit of momentum again and Smallbone plays Archer away down the right wing and this will probably offside eventually, but he bears down on the Liverpool goal from an angle and hammers in a shot that Alison has to beat away.

Another Liverpool attack is incoming though and some pretty shaky defending by Smallbone and ABK allows Diaz to pick up the ball on the left and cross it back into the middle, but he’s made the mistake of putting it on Salah’s right foot and he slices it wide from 8 yards out. He only scores penalties and gifts against us.

Twenty to go and Smallbone is replaced by Lallana who gets a decent welcome from the Liverpool fans who used to watch him on the bench and in videos from the treatment room. Part of the reason that Salah has been acquired is the performance of Ryan Manning and he is given some time off with ten to go as he and Big Les are replaced with Joe Aribo and Tall Paul. We actually have two strikers on the pitch.

Before our new strike force can set about rescuing the game, we have to deal with a big long diagonal ball from right to left and it’s Sugawara against Diaz and Sugawara has himself in the correct position and then shits himself as he always does when he’s trying to defend and sticks an elbow out to keep the ball away from Diaz before absolutely losing his head and knocking it past Ramsdale out towards the penalty spot, meaning THB has to slam into a tackle to clear the ball for throw. We are off to VAR again and this is absolutely pointless because there’s no way this is not gonna be given us a penalty.

Hi Lewis – easy one for you
I didn’t give this one, was too far away
No matter – that’s what I’m here for – gonna send you to the screen as it’ll be good experience for you
I will stride across like Howard taught me… ah yes, thrown his arm at the ball… ha ha
Hilarious isn’t it?
Yes mate, proper shit, deserved penalty for being shit.

Salah again and he smashes it into the opposite top corner this time so it’s two penalties today to cover up the fact that he hasn’t had particularly good game whereas at St Mary’s, he had a penalty, also given away by Sugawara handball and the gift from McCarthy going walkabout. For fuck‘s sake.

Saints are still showing great spirit to go about trying to get another goal and Lallana and Sulemana get the ball out to KWP on the left and as he goes into the penalty area he’s clearly held back by Quansah and we appeal for a penalty but there’s absolutely no fucking point And we don’t get a free kick either because the referee has decided not to give anything. Quansah is of course a centre back it right back and this gives Sulemana all the encouragement he needs to absolutely piss past him and fire over a brilliant cross but despite having two strikers on the pitch, neither of them gamble to connect with the ball that flies across the 6 yard line.  The end.

Well, the first thing to do is to say well done to the boys for getting out of Anfield without getting humiliated. Like the games away against Arsenal and Manchester City from earlier on this season, when we knew we’re going to be up against it from the first minute to the last, we applied ourselves pretty well.  Ultimately though, none of that can totally make up for the difference in class over 95 minutes.  For the first half in particular we were excellent today as the team stayed compact and frustrated Liverpool which ultimately meant us taking the lead, but the key moment was the non-sending off of Darwin Núñez., which the referee absolutely bottled.  I note with interest that he didn’t get sent to the monitor to review that one, like he did with the second penalty.  So, not only did Liverpool have eleven men for the second half, it was of course Núñez who scored the equaliser and it was him that got hatcheted down for the penalty. If you want to argue about whether he should’ve been sent off or not, then imagine if that had been Ryan Manning aiming a massive kick at Mo Salah.   What do you think the decision would’ve been?

Runs 60 Yards to Do This to Away Fans of Team With 9 Points.  Twat.

So having scored the equaliser, Núñez then collapses like a motherfucker under pressure from renowned hard man Will Smallbone, who barely touches him but down goes the shitbag, feigning injury after crumbling in on himself.  It’s fucking embarrassing but the young referee Lewis Smith, completely played to the crowd and points to the spot and of course, VAR isn’t going to overturn it because there is the slightest contact? There’s no forward motion from Smallbone, but Núñez just brushes against him and collapses. Same as it’s always been at Anfield both before and after VAR.

Lewis Smith Shites His Pants

Liverpool upped their game in the second half with Arne Slot having made his displeasure at their first half performance abundantly clear with making three substitutions at halftime.   We basically didn’t get a kick in the second half until we had gone past the ninety-minute stage and then we had a couple of moments. The third goal was down to a substitution that we had made where Sugawara was entrusted to play right back in a back four and in his usual manner, he totally lost all composure when put under pressure and gave away a stupid handball to gift Liverpool their third.  Playing Sugawara behind KWP during that period of the game was a balls by Juric but overall he got his tactics right today. I’ll admit I couldn’t understand the logic of the 4-6-0 formation that we played but it did the job in that first half, especially.  We got penned in when Liverpool upped the pace however. 

A number of players had decent games today with Ryan Manning being an excellent in the first half against Salah, and there were committed displays from KWP, THB and ABK, in front of the ever-impressive Ramsdale. The much maligned, often by me, Will Smallbone had an excellent first half as well, crowned by the goal. The reason he had a good game was because the rest of the team was set up in such a way that it masked his deficiencies because he didn’t get caught in open space with no players around him it’s almost as if the team was set up to get the best out of the players that we have.  Too little too late but that was decent.

It was a slightly better day for the manager today. Our two false strikers, Grønbæk and Fernandes both had good moments and both worked hard to keep the team compact but ultimately, we still let in three goals even though only one of them was from open play. I severely question whether you can play this formation in a home game but I suspect that is what Ivan is going to try next.  We of course played with a back for today and didn’t do the man for man marking thing which has been an unmitigated disaster. I guess we’ll never know but I wonder if Juric decided to abandon it himself and change the shape or was it under pressure from the players who must have been thinking after the Chelsea game, that the Juric method of defending is absolute shit.  It’s amazing how your back line can look more structured if your players aren’t following their man all over the pitch.

Just the ten games left now and focus shifts onto what will be the mathematical relegation game. Lose at home to Wolves next week and we will be most of the way there.  We have to put all our eggs in the basket of beating Wolves though, or else Derby‘s record is still going to be a problem.  Can Juric pick a team to go out and win a game.  Tune in next week.

Premier League Match 27 - Chelsea 4 Southampton 0

A Contender for 'Picture To Sum Up a Season'

After the win against Ipswich, we looked at the three incoming home games of Burnley in the cup, Bournemouth and Brighton as a chance to build some momentum before Chelsea away and Liverpool away came along. We have built some momentum in that we have got worse in every single game. If Burnley was light brown shit that will come off your clothes in the washing machine, Bournemouth was dark brown which will always leave a mark no matter how many times you wash it and Brighton was a black sticky tar shit where you just throw clothes on the bonfire.

Chelsea away today it is. Chelsea have been shit as well in terms of their results recently. Not to the level of our good selves of course but it’s all about expectations having spent billions of Todd Boehly‘s money and flouting PSR rules as Amortisation FC, I don’t expect they were expecting to have three defeat in a row at any point, but here we are with an FA Cup and Premier League defeat at Brighton and a Premier League defeat at Aston Villa as their last three results.  Earlier on in the season, Chelsea looked set to establish themselves as the main challengers to Liverpool for the title but no sooner had that position being established, they shat the bed.  To be fair to the manager Enzo Maresca, he did say that it was too early for them and he has been proved right. This bit of insight doesn’t stop me having a smug little grin about Maresca because he was a smug twat last year when he was leading Leicester to the Championship title and he just has that aura about him.  He will probably be getting sacked in the summer I would imagine, such as the way at Chelsea.  Both he and their fans have recently been bleating about the injuries they have but do me a fucking favour - you spent a billion and in the last game against Villa they were forced to play a £50 million winger in Pedro Neto, as a striker.  Cry me a fucking river.  They still have the mics of Jaden Sancho, Tosin Adarabiyo, Robert Sanchez and Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall on their bench against Villa, so excuse me if I’m not feeling too sorry for them.

So after three defeat in a row, they will of course be looking to put all that right against today’s visitors who are hapless Southampton. It’s been interesting to see what adjective every journalist has been putting before Southampton when they talk about us. I’ve seen hapless, hopeless, struggling and my personal favourite “completely fucking useless”… Oh, that was me. Chris Sutton made a little joke about our fans looking forward to having a day out in Norwich next season. He’s a funny lad is Chris…. Nice to provide humour to those who don’t usually have any.

Chelsea‘s main threats are basically everyone but in particular it’s Cole Palmer, who has gone off the boil a little bit recently but he would’ve been given an ego boost by every FPL manager triple captaining him for this week.  There’s a small matter of their two £100 million plus midfielders in Enzo Fernandez and Moises Caicedo to deal with and it can’t really be an injury crisis at Chelsea if Reece James is fit, which he currently is.

They of course annihilated us 5-1 earlier on this season at St Mary’s in a game that is best remembered for the captain Jack hair pull on Marc Cucurella.  With Bednarek being injured on Saturday there is a good chance that Captain Jack makes a return to the starting line-up today though we are hearing that THB is fit as well. I can’t really see Joe Aribo playing in defence today because we have no Big Les available for the midfield as he can’t play against his parent club.  If Ivan Aribo and Smallbone in midfield, then I think I might have an early night.

With a mixture of anticipation and dread, I take the team news and Will Smallbone is playing again, alongside Flynn Downs I assume. The back three is a shit right back in James Bree, an unfit central defender in Bella-Karavan and a midfielder in Joe Aribo. There are three central defenders on the bench, namely Jack Stephens, THB and Nathan Wood.  Surely you could’ve got two half games out of them and then put Aribo in midfield?  Is that too obvious? Elsewhere, Tall Paul is our striker which is a bit like being put in solitary confinement as he won’t see another Saints player.

Saints surprisingly actually start the game reasonably well and Chelsea‘s fans are getting very nervous every time their goalkeeper Jorgensen has the ball because he has to play out of course and no one looks particularly confident. From one such attempt to play out, Jimmy Champo gets a foot in and Smallbone picks up the ball and slides it through for Tall Paul to swing a leg at it and smash it into orbit.  If the Matthew Harding stand wasn’t fucking huge, it would’ve been bouncing down the road.

There’s a warning straight after as Enzo Fernandez place a simple straight pass through to Cole Palmer and you would be laughing if you didn’t know what a good player he is, as he puts it well wide.   It almost looked like he’s booted that into his standing foot.

The warning is not heeded though as ABK tussles with Neto and the ball bounces away to Sugawara who is facing our own goal.  For reasons that I can’t work out he just smashes it aimlessly back towards our goal and it bounces away off of Jimmy Champo and falls to Enzo Fernandez in midfield, who slides a lovely ball through the defence to Cole Palmer who is on the penalty spot with just Ramsdale to beat but it’s Rambo to the rescue again and deflects his effort wide for a corner. From the corner, it’s easily flicked on by Tosin and Nkunku has wrestled his way past the most half arsed of half arsed challenges by Smallbone and nods into the net from a yard out. Pathetic.

Whilst it’s still only one we have a chance and Sulemana gets on the ball after some decent buildup playing involving Downes Fernandes and KWP and has a run at Gusto at right back and absolutely pisses past him before standing up an excellent cross into the middle.  Because of his size, Tall Paul has a tendency to look half asleep but when we actually give him some service and there’s a cross to attack, he comes alive and leaps and powers the header goalwards but Jorgensen reacts well to claw it out. Good cross good header and a decent save.

After that brief respite, now we can get back to the normal business of Chelsea just pissing through our defence and Enzo Fernandez again puts Cole Palmer through coming in from the right hand side and on his trusty left foot he rolls it wider the far post. How the fuck we are only one down is beyond me.  The man for man marking system that we haven’t changed has makeshift central defender Aribo picking up Cole Palmer, so it really isn’t surprising how that one’s going.  This isn’t Joe Aribo’s fault.

Though we’ve ridden our luck so far, it’s about to run out and Downes pass forward is intercepted by Cucurella.  On to Nkunku it goes and then to Neto who has a free shot from about eight yards and absolutely thunders it past Ramsdale at his near post but a free shot from eight yards is always gonna end up in the net.  Where the fuck was the defence?

We are now in collapse-mode and Neto clips a free kick into the box from the left and it’s a meat and potatoes cross but it floats over a Tall Paul‘s head and Levi Colwill meets it to powerfully headed down past Ramsdale.  Three fucking nil and here we go again.

Yuki Finding Out That Being Able to Defend Even a Little Bit, Might be Useful

We get to half time without any more suicidal defending and the tactical master that is Juric decides to bring on a centre back and remove of the makeshift players he’s got there currently.  Off comes Jimmy Champo for THB.

To the shock of no one, Saints immediately looked tighter but the Chelsea chances still keep coming and Cole Palmer keeps on sending them into orbit higher above the crossbar.  The game goes into a bit of a holding pattern as Chelsea know they’ve won and Saints just want to not get humiliated.  KWP goes down and is replaced by Manning on the hour mark and Tall Paul is replaced with Dibling, which means that Ivan now has us playing with a false nine.  Maresca takes the chance to give some minutes to kids and those who never play, with Dewsbury-Hall and a kid called Tyrick George replacing Sancho and Neto.

Chelsea sub George has a decent chance as Fernandes gets caught with a ball in the middle of the Chelsea half and the youngster loses his head at the last moment and smashes it high into the stands  We actually venture into Chelsea‘s half and have a corner which is cleared out as far as Ryan Manning who tries a ridiculously speculative shot from 30 yards, scuffs it straight to a Chelsea player and they fly forward, with us mainly jogging back.  Gusto finds substitute George, who gets to the line and pulls it back for fucking Cucurella to take a touch, get a mirror out, adjust his hair, flick a v-sign at Jack Stephens and then still have time to easily score the fourth. Ivan sent on Archer for Downes with ten to go so he could no doubt have a look at the Fernandes – Smallbone wall of steel in midfield in preparation for Liverpool away.  It was as awesome as you’d expect and the game cringed to the end, with just gallows humour from the very loud away section to entertain everyone.

Another Contender for the 'Picture To Sum Up a Season'

Well, in an amazingly unpredictable turn of events that no one saw coming, that was fucking shit, inept, apathetic, half-arsed and any negative adjective that springs to mind. Nine losses out of ten for Ivan the Terrible now and let’s not confuse the issue by saying that the players are bad, which they undoubtedly are. Ivan Juric is shit and the players, crap though most of them are, are not running for him we are worse organised defensively than we were under Russell Martin and unbelievably, he’s even managed to make the attacking play worse.  The random selections of out of position players are now just fucking crazy and he is adding absolutely nothing apart from evermore increasingly being the lightning rod for everyone’s dissatisfaction which means that some of it at least doesn’t land at Sport Republic’s door. There are nineteen other teams in the Premier League who don’t play this defensive system, and they are all higher up the table than us.  Funny that.

We actually weren’t bad today until the first goal went in, but when it went in it had a massive deflating effect on everyone, probably because it was from such a predictable source, as Smallbone’s piss weak defending at a corner allowed Nkunku to head in from two yards. After that, we had the header from Tall Paul after good work from Sulemana, which was clawed out by their goalkeeper and when the second goal soon followed and that was another absolute classic with Flynn Downs giving the ball away and then James Bree deciding not to defend, but to make a forward run ahead of the ball when we’ve already lost it.   Great instincts Jimbo – a makeshift three-man defence and you do a runner.  Yes it was Downes to played a shit pass but it shouldn’t be the case that when a midfielder plays a shit pass, there is no defence behind him.

The third was dreadful defending from a set piece, with Tall Paul missing a header and various other players not bothering to mark anyone and once again, Aaron Ramsdale was completely exposed. The second half was marginally better defensively because Chelsea didn’t need to score any more goals and because we bought on THB, which certainly strengthened things somewhat. It’s amazing what happens when you play defenders in defence.  We still let in a fourth though as that dick Cucurella was left unmarked by the non-defending Sugawara and had acres in our penalty area, to pick his spot.

The most damning thing for Juric is the lack of running from players. Echoes of the Spurs home game which finally did for Russell Martin.  There was one amazing incident in the second half where Aribo and Fernandes attacked down the left got to the edge of the penalty area and then we lost the ball and one pass and Chelsea were three on three at the other end which kind of made it look like we only had five outfield players on the pitch. Players aren’t running and players aren’t thinking. No one cuts off passing lanes, probably because everybody is trying to mark their own player so it stands the reason that one long ball is gonna present a situation where we are in the shit. It’s absurd on so many levels.

So, Ivan the Terrible picked his terrible team and rather predictably there were absolutely no changes to the style of defending from the weekend which we always suspected would be the case because there wasn’t much time, but then why say you’re gonna do it if you’re clearly not going to.  We had the same mishmash of misfits in defence and Smallbone in midfield, contributing nothing to the defensive effort and on top of that, Sugawara, possibly the worst defensive fullback we’ve had since Lee Todd - who could’ve predicted that that wasn’t going to work against the team chasing a Champions League spot.

Ramsdale did his best as usual and kept the score down but without quite the heroics of Saturday and ABK did a decent job despite his obvious lack of fitness. Sulemana had a couple of threatening moments where he looked like he might actually turn some of the fart into actual shit but aside from that and THB‘s contribution to the second half, we were fucking awful, with Sugawara, Smallbone and Bree being comfortably the deepest out of their depth.

It was lucky for us that Cole Palmer somehow managed to continue his vein of poor form because if he had been even at 70% of his best level, this would’ve been about 7-0.  I wonder if Ivan congratulated Joe Aribo as his man (Palmer) didn’t score.  As it was, Chelsea settled for four and we allowed that smug bastard Maresca to put on three untried kids before the end of the game. Fucking embarrassing.

Eleven games to go now and eleven days before the next one, which should be used to get Ivan Juric on a one-way ticket back to Croatia and to install Simon Rusk as caretaker manager for the rest of the season.  I feel that at least then the players would put some effort in and the disillusionment that they are obviously feeling with Ivan the Terrible in charge can at least be put aside for the end of season running and give something to the fans in the form of a couple of decent performances in the remaining games.

I watched this game on TNT Sports and all you could hear was the Saints fans, who were truly magnificent in their gallows humour and noise. The downside was that I had to listen to Rio Ferdinand adding absolutely nothing to the commentary, so I now feel more stupid than I was at the start of the game and have lost some brain cells.  I do wonder if these broadcasters ever listen back to the commentators and give them some sort of performance review because if they do, Rio will be looking for another job at the end of the season.

Eleven glorious days off before we have to deal with this shit again and eleven games to go.