Premier League Match 33 - West Ham 1 Southampton 1

 

Big Les and the Derby Equalling Moment

West Ham are currently residing in the position that Wolves were residing in when we played them a few weeks ago, namely ‘the worst of the rest’ or ‘the worst of the ring fenced 17’ permanent Premier League clubs. They’ve been pretty average this season and if we didn’t have a situation we currently have in the Premier League, where relegation is decided at the start of the season, they would be having a nervous glance over their shoulder and battling out to avoid one of the relegation places along with the likes of Manchester United and Tottenham.  No such fear though.  

In one way, West Ham are exactly the same as us in that they just can’t wait to get this season done and start a fresh next season. Their manager now and their manager at the start of next season will be Graham Potter who came in to replace the hapless Julen Lopetegui a few months ago. Lopetegui was the manager who was to take West Ham to a new level, having replaced David Moyes who won them their first ever European trophy, even though it was the Conference League.  Careful what you wish for because Lopetegui was shit and clueless and collected a bunch of players who the current manager won’t want as he has a different style.  Another similarity.

One player that the current manager does want that Lopetegui didn’t, is James Ward-Prowse, who is now starting every game when under the previous boss, he was loaned out to sit on Nottingham Forest bench.  Potter has made mention of JWP still being one short of David Beckham‘s all-time free-kick record in the Premier League and he thinks it would be “football karma“ if he scored one today against us. I don’t think you know what karma means you dickhead.  It of course means some sort of payback and I really don’t think that James has got any sort of grudge against us. As I said at the time here: https://leagueoneminus10.blogspot.com/search/label/James%20Ward-Prowse, it’s Saints / Sport Republic’s fault that James is not wearing one of our shirts today, though if we play in that fucking pink one, he’d probably be quite glad.

As it turns out we are in yellow and on paper, our team looks decent.  Last week’s one selection anomaly, Cameron Archer, makes way for Flynn Downes.   JWP starts for West Ham, as does Nicolas Fullkrug, who will be a physical handful for our defenders. The referee looks about twelve though I guess we that we should forgive the appointment of a referee doing his first Premier League game as this game is as close to not mattering to anyone as you can possibly get in the Premier League. 

No matter how hard I try and however long ago it was, it still irritates me that the Dildo Peddlars got gifted this stadium for next to nothing in the wake of the Olympics being held here.  Anyhow, Saints as usual start the game brightly but the only chance of the first five minutes comes from the Hammers as Sulemana completely bottles a challenge against Paqueta, who then feeds it into the middle with Fullkrug poking it goalwards at Ramsdale’s near post but the keeper is equal to it.

The one worry under Simon Rusk is that we send a team out with no attacking plan but it becomes apparent that the players have some license as Flynn Downes strides forward, finds Fernandes and then on to Sulemana, who has a dig from the edge of the box and it deflects and goes wide. The comes the corner from Manning and after a bit of head tennis, West Ham clear it.

Sulemana is threatening again soon after as a good ball in from the left from Manning picks up the run from Sulemana who cuts it onto his right foot and with just the goalkeeper to beat, of course, he hits his straight at him but then the flag goes up anyway.  In a parallel universe far away, there is a version of Sulemana who can finish and he’s worth north of £50 million.

West Ham can’t deal with the version in this universe however and another decent move up the left with Tall Paul holding the ball up for Sulemana who survives a heavy touch to go through a piss-weak challenge by Soler before finding Fernandes in the middle he rolls it wide to KWP who really has to score…. but he drills it right across the goal and wide.  I wonder if that will count for him or against his in this rumoured West Ham audition.

There has been little threat from West Ham since the opening few minutes, but Emerson leads a break from left back, plays a couple of nice 1-2’s and shoots but it’s well blocked by Stephens and Saints break through Downes.   He eventually gets cynically brought down by Paqueta, who then deliberately blocks the quick free kick being taken. Paqueta is allegedly known for allegedly getting deliberate yellow cards allegedly, but the family members who allegedly had money on it are disappointed as Andrew Kitchen bottles handing out a yellow.   Unperturbed, we feed into the penalty area and after Manning’s shot is blocked, it drops down from a challenge and Sulemana has a reaction volley to take and again, manages to miss, this time flicking the ball against the angle of post and bar from ten yards.

It's not a free kick but there’s a potential “karma” moment as West Ham break and Fullkrug shows excellent awareness to lay the ball back to JWP right on the edge of the box and we all close our eyes and await the inevitable and he really has to do better than launching it into space and sending it bouncing down the long jump pit.  He loves us and is clearly still playing for us.

All West Ham seem to have is breaks after we attack. In the main it’s all Saints and some more quick play on the left and Fernandes has a race to the ball against Coufal and he gets there first and Coufal is late and catches him.  A clear yellow card foul and Coufal has already been booked but Kitchen doesn’t even give us a free-kick. I guess if he gave the free-kick he’d have to send him off.  He gets his book out though at the next opportunity as Manning brings down Bowen and Tall Paul has clearly said something about his refereeing, whilst looking tall and threatening.

Out of the way James

Another free kick given on the right-hand side this time as Fernandes gets cleaned out again by Emerson. It’s a left footers kick and of course we’ve got Ryan Manning who has never scored a free-kick in his life.  Manning‘s effort is catching practice for Areola.  Saints are still on the front foot as we reach half-time with Downes battering JWP midfield and running him off the ball and sets up an attack with Sulemana flicking the ball back to Downes and a 50-50 with the ex-Saints man and Downes wins that one as well and we get a corner.  That’s karma Graham if anything… he left us and the man we replaced him with batters him. We do nothing with the corner as usual because that’s what we do and we want to finish last in ‘goals from set-pieces’ as well, so at least we’re consistent across all categories of attacking shiteness.

Half-time in the usual concern that the good chances we have missed will come back to bite us in the second half. The misses by Sulemana and KWP are just not acceptable if you want to win football matches in the Premier League. No changes and away we go and it’s Saints who show first with Sulemana winning a corner off of the clumsy Coufal.  In it comes and another one without a goal, as it’s headed away, back in and shite and West Ham break down the left through Kudus and the ball get switched infield to Fullkrug and one more onto Bowen and Bowen turns Manning inside out before smashing it past Ramsdale. Fucks sake.  You know he’s going to go onto his left foot as he’s built an entire career on that, so sending him that way and then falling on your arse is not great defending.

So, will we collapse?  Saints at least don’t look like they are going to buckle and Manning and Sulemana combine up the left-hand side to get the latter a shooting opportunity which true to form, he scuffs straight to the goalkeeper.

There’s a bit of a worry up our end as a corner comes in and Ramsdale goes up with Fullkrug, who jumps into Ramsdale and the ball ends up in the net.  Luckily, the referee is happy making this decision as it’s a clear foul.  After the infamous incident at Palace this season, you can never take it for granted.  After that decent decision by the ref, he’s back to normal as he then allows Kilman to trash through the back of Tall Paul without a yellow card despite that tackle being outlawed at some point before this referee was even born.

It's substitution time, which is always a worry for us and Simon Rusk then decides to play with ten as Tall Paul is replaced with Cameron Archer and as if by magic, Ryan Manning puts over one of the best crosses of the season, but of course, Paul has gone off and his replacement is hiding behind a centre back somewhere.   Saints keep the pressure on and the ball eventually breaks to Jack Stephens on the edge of the box and he absolutely leathers one through the crowd but Areola reacts well.

Dibling comes on for Sulemana who has had a good game if you ignore the total lack of end product, as usual.  Saints still look the most likely to score but it all comes down to end product and some good play by Dibling and Big Les pokes the ball out to Manning but having put over a brilliant cross a few minutes ago, hits this one into the steeplechase water jump.

We’re pushing on now, so of course more susceptible to the break, which as mentioned, as all West Ham have.  Fullkrug gets the ball and just barrels into the penalty area before knocking it right for Guillerme to smash it straight at Ramsdale. Back up the other end and another glorious opportunity as Dibling puts KWP away down the right but his cross is shit and way in front of everybody.

And another sitter...

A foul on KWP by Guillerme gives us a free kick on the halfway line and in it comes, gets sent in, THB heads down and Dibling has to score but even on his least favoured right foot, he really has to score… but lifts it over the bar.  I know the pole vault was at that end but we don’t want to clear the bar on this occasion.

Ref watch and Kilman goes smashing through the back of Dibling and that’s the second player he smashed through the back of and this time he actually gets booked for it.  Well done ref.  Kilman must be wondering where the consistency is.

Five to go and Ross Stewart and Welington are about to come on as Manning is about to make his last contribution with the free-kick and chips it straight to a West Ham defender and the situation comes to nothing as far as we’re concerned. The substitution eventually happens and it’s THB who joins Manning on the bench. At the same time, JWP goes off to applause from all four sides of the London Dildo Bowl Athletics Free Stadium. Kilman then gets beaten to the ball by Fernandes and executes an Olympic Greco-Roman wrestling move to stop him.  We await with bated breath for the inevitable second yellow that will surely be branded but no, the referee bottles it.

92 minutes and it’s all Saints pressure but it seems that we are sliding to an unjust defeat and Dibling feeds KWP through on the right hand side and he has a dart for the line and crosses and it flicks up in the air off a defender and Big Legs comes flying in with a left footed thunderbastard volley from 15 yards to smash it into the net. Get in, round the 400m track and over some hurdles goes Les.  It feels like we won a fucking gold medal or something.

Now let’s go and fucking win it… ok, let’s not, the end.

It says something about how this season has been the last-minute equaliser against the team just three places above us in the League is greeted by the biggest celebration since we got promoted last year. Not that I am belittling the moment that Big Les smashed that into the net.

We totally deserved that point and on balance we totally deserve to win the game because we played really well, restricting West Ham purely to breaks from deep and posing most of the goal threat ourselves. There is a reason that we are bottom of the league however because even when we play well, there is one part of the game which we’re not very good at and today it was finishing. The missies by KWP and Sulemana in the first half and Dibling in the second half meant that we still need another point to overhaul Derby‘s record whereas today really should’ve been putting all that to bed.

It was a good day for Simon Rusk and Adam Lallana, who got the team selection completely right And the substitutions were pretty much perfect as well. The main thing was leaving Big Les and Flynn in place in the middle of the park for the entire 95 minutes and the pair of them was still everywhere snapping it challenges as the game went into injury time. It’s not exactly rocket science but it’s been incredibly obvious ever since we started playing a two man central midfield that Les and Flynn are the only two players in the squad really capable of playing there for any length of time.

"Flynn, Les...Fucking Stay Out There!"

If Rusk got his substitutions right, then Graham Potter got his wrong, taking off his entire forward line of Fullkrug, Bowen and Kudus and replacing them with more defensively minded players, and the immobile Evan Ferguson.  West Ham had very little going on going forward anyway but taking them off meant their attacking effort just died on its arse and allowed us to push forward without too much fear of consequences and we were rewarded in the end.

A word for the referee Andrew Kitchen and the word is ‘bottler’.  I was put in mind of a referee on a Sunday morning who doesn’t want to send players off because he doesn’t want to do the admin.  Coufal and especially Kilman should both have walked and if they’re doing their job properly, PGMOL should be marking him down for that, exemplary organization that they are.  Don’t hold your breath.

Fulham at home next week before the big one against Leicester at the King Power in the already relegated “El Shattico”. With Everton away and Manchester City and Arsenal at home to follow after those two games, next week is now shaping up to be a glaring opportunity to get that one point that we need to at least get something, no matter how shit, out of this season.  Get that point next week and it’s time for a pitch invasion, pyro, commemorative t-shirts and an ‘I was there’ DVD.

Up the fucking Saints